The kind of fight propelled by pride and heightened by shots of Jameson. Now of course, it wasn’t my fault. Rarely are most things violent my fault. Perhaps I should tell you a story. Have a seat…or if you’re a hot gal, lay your head on my pillow. I mean the cutie pies they always l-a-y on my pillow.
So here’s the situation, and remember, the word situation always indicates that you are about to be made privy to some n*gga sh*t. So three n*ggas walk into a bar in DC and we are at the upstairs bar chillin. Just us and the bartender. Unbeknownst to us, a trio of silly, simple n*ggas ventures upstairs. We’ll call them SSNs for short. Me and my compadres are having a conversation. It is ours. It is a conversation about men’s fashion that darts into a conversation based on a dialogue I partook of about unfashionable women and whether or not as a fashionable man one could date an unfashionable woman.
Don’t judge me. Or us.
But that happened.
We are at the bar. One of the SSNs had managed to slide around us to talk to the bartender who was giving him so little rhythm my man could have been a white man on Soul Train in 1982. Amidst him getting played by the bartender, he decides to gallop full steam into our convo and says to me, in reference to the conversation we’re having, “oh, you must be one of them n*ggas who wears makeup.”
Scrrrrrrrr. Now watch how pride takes over.
The simple response could have been,
“Actually I borrow your mothers after I smash.” “Actually I don’t, but that’s neither here nor there, kind sir. This is not your conversation and we’d appreciate it if you’d leave us to our debate. Thank you and good night.” I’d have been mad at myself for saying that. So what does Panama say?
I immediately look puzzled, then look at dude and say loud enough for everybody to hear, “Yo, who the f*ck are you?” At which point buddy’s antennae went up for underestimating my willingness to wreck shop. Then, one of his boys comes over trying to make sure he’s got his man’s back. But the problem is, the two dudes I was with are some gym rat body building types who, well, you don’t work out all the time and exactly run from a fight. What started as an off-brand comment from a SSN turned into what looked to be an asswhuppin. My partners realizing that it wasn’t worth it, talked me down, as buddy continued to try to talk sh*t while I ignored it (“he offered up an apology at one point that I rejected telling him that he meant what he said so he could keep his b*tch ass apology and keep it moving”). This seemed to have angered him as he begins staring down my other boy who proceeded to tell him not to let the shirt and tie fool him. Long story short, a fight almost broke out, but cooler heads prevailed after the level headed SSN pleaded for his boys to get out of there. Literally pleaded. Impressive pleading. I also noticed he was married. Homey had something to lose. He was smart.
Now, after they leave and we debrief on what could have been, I remember thinking, am I too old to be getting into a fight at a bar? The answer is probably yes, but you know what, n*ggas gon’ n*g so if the squab comes to you, you can’t just walk away (physically we couldn’t, we were boxed in.)
Well this got me to thinking of other things I might be too old for…#butnah, we gon’ do ‘em anyway. Such as?
2. Getting drunker than is recommended by 9 out of 10 dentists
Recovery time might take a bit longer nowadays but I feel like this: If I see a shot, I’m taking a shot. It worked in my 20s and it still works in my 30s. Only problem is Instagram. There’s something that hurts a little about being called a high functioning alcoholic by a sibling. To be fair, this sibling gets buzzed off Lime-a-rita’s. Those are disgusting by the way. I have a box full in my refrigerator if you want them. Seriously. Call me at 202-867-5309.
3. Outdoor music festivals
Real conversation that happened in my Gchats:
Homey: that shit is exhasuting
definitely worth it if there’s a band you wanna see
and maybe i just feel too old cause it’s been a few years
but. i don’t really want to do crazy amounts of molly and cocaine anymoreand uhhh i mean, that’s what festivals are?
i don’t mind the cocaine as much as i do the molly lol
damn am i gonna get your chat banned
Yes. Yes you might. $10 bucks says she ends up a Coachella anyway. I mean, it’s Outkast.
4. Drive anywhere longer than 4 hours
I told myself that when I got a job, I’d buy plane tickets instead of roadtripping everywhere just to save money. Yeah. Okay, feeling broke is not just a young thing. Happens to people with jobs too.
Colds are real people. So is pneumonia. At some point you should just know to put on a hat and scarf and gloves and a jacket that weights more than a joint. But every now and then I’ll sacrifice my health for personal style or convenience (or swag as one my friends who refuses to wear coats claims) and just be cold because “I won’t be outside that long” says the person who stands in line at the club in sub-zero weather.
Know better. Definitely. Do better? Eh. I’ve made it this far, let’s see how much further I can take this whole life thing under these conditions.
So yeah…what about you? Tell us about yourself today. What are some things you may possibly be too old for…#butnah.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. 50 IS THE NEW 20 #BUTNAH aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3