Tag Archives: double standards

Gender-Based Double Standards That Need To Stay Double Standards

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The typical first questions a woman wants to know about her friend’s new boo-thang involves a rundown of his resume. What he is (degrees, titles) seem to outweigh who he is (loving, supportive, etc). Questions like, “How does he treat you?” or “What do you feel when you’re with him?” don’t matter for some women.

Men, however, don’t do this. Maybe they focus more on other superficial things like a woman’s appearance, but her resume never factors into if he’ll date her or how his friend’s will judge her.

This quote is from “But He Works at Starbucks!” — a recent Clutch Magazine piece where the author (Patrice J. Williams) expresses a bit of angst about her new love interest’s relatively underwhelming occupation and explains that the source of much of her angst is her worrying about what her girlfriends will think about him. (Sound familiar?)

You’re probably expecting me to use these next couple paragraphs to tell another “Boy meets Girl” story where I’d talk about how short-sighted, faulty, and hypocritical it is for women to judge a man’s sexual/relationship worthiness on his status (and somehow find a way to fill my weekly “unprompted shade at Deltas” quota).

But, while I think this particular instance is an example of a woman, the author’s homegirl, being more concerned with appearances than ambition – like a few said in the comments there, a Starbucks manager could be pulling in 45-50 a year with full benefits and a chance to rise up the ladder at one of the country’s biggest companies – I don’t think it’s wrong for women to consider potential future earning power when deciding who to invite to meet Miss Sweet n Low. (Btw, “Miss Sweet n Low” is the name that I think all single women should give their vaginas. When married? “The Harvest Festival.”)

Yeah, as the author points out, it’s a double standard, but it’s a double standard that I don’t want made “equal.” I actually don’t mind the fact that we’re judged on something we have a bit of control over. Plus, let them (women) continue to worry about vague and boring shit like whether he can be a protector and provider for the children she’s never going to actually have because she waited until her 53rd birthday to get hitched, and let us (men) continue to fret about fun shit like “If we lose all of our furniture in a flood, is her booty big enough to serve as a temporary coffee table until we get the check from State Farm?”

The Starbucks situation aside, can you think of any other double standards that need to stay exactly how they are? Are you completely cool with the fact that homegirls can have adult sleepovers where they’re taking shots and snapping each other’s thongs while guys can even see movies together unless they star Paul Walker? Are you ok with the fact that “woman with a bunch of useless and stupid shit in her house” = “normal” while “man with a bunch of useless and stupid shit in his house” = “Todd Palin”?

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, andFighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously. Tell us and we’ll send Liz’s boobs to fix it)

dating double standards…and how they all even out

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“keep smiling. you know that coffee aint free, right?”

the NBA playoffs are easily my favorite time of the year. note, i didn’t say favorite sports time of the year. no, i look forward to the nba playoffs more than christmas, big l’s birthday, caribana, the season premiere of curb your enthusiasm, and the first warm day of the spring when every 18 to 30 year old woman decides to dress like j-woww from jersey shore. but, despite my standom, there are parts of the playoffs i can do without, and the most prevalent of these annoyances are the people intent on blaming every game their team loses on the referees.

seriously, if you were to go any random NBA playoff game thread on espn.com, maybe about 30 percent of those responses will have something to do with how the refs and the NBA are biased against their team, which is foolish when you break it down. i mean, if every fanbase complains about the refs after every loss, doesn’t this prove that the refs aren’t actually biased against anyone?

anyway, this topic made me think about the double standards many of us bitch about in regards to dating. guys complain that the financial burden unfairly rests on us, women complain that they’re not allowed the same sexual freedom that we are, and mexicans complain that God made them mexicans.

but, like the referee griping, many of these perceived injustices have a way of canceling themselves out in the end, and we’ll look at two of them today.

1. gripe: “guys get lauded for getting laid alot, but women knee deep in multiple dicks get dissed, and that aint fair”

how it evens out: while its true that promiscuous women usually aren’t allowed to use big momma’s good china (seriously. i remember my homeboy’s mom once telling him that if he brought any hoochies home for dinner, they’d have to eat with plastic forks and paper plates. he’s in prison now. i don’t know if these two things are related.), men are actually held to the exact same sexual standard…except the complete opposite.

there’s societal pressure on women to be (somewhat) chaste or risk ostracization, but that same pressure is on men to conquer as much coochie as possible. while this may seem like a good type of stress to have, there’s a reason why every (yup. every) man reading this has either told a half-truth or a blatant lie about his sexual conquests at least once. “underperforming” guys are clowned just as harshly as overperforming women

summary: everything sucks for everybody, so shut the hell up

2. gripe: “wait a second. why the hell am i expected to pay for dates, even if this chick makes more money than i do”

how it evens out: from an evolutionary perspective, the entire dating and mating dynamic is an elaborate dance meant to help women weed out undesirable potential sperm donors. and, while being able to spring for supersized value meals definitely isn’t a surefire sign that a dude’s a good mate, it does suggest that he might possibly be willing to protect and provide for her.

this vetting process is crucial because of the risk involved with woman having sex. not only do they make a bigger physical, emotional, and psychological investment in reproduction than we do, they’re more susceptible to injury, disease, and evelynlozaditis (what happens when stress and hard living makes you look 17 years older than your actual age)

summary: man up, bitch.

anyway, people of vsb.com, can you think of any more dating double standards?

also, do you agree with the whole “balancing out” concept i brought up in the post? if you disagree, what do you use to fill the space that would usually be occupied by a brain? gumballs? aluminum siding? cocoa butter? bat feet? inquiring minds want to know and shit.

–the champ

the preference privilege

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for the last month or so, an article titled “the black male privilege checklist” has made its way around the blogosphere, sparking discussion, inciting debates, and wetting more womanist mesh panties than free patchouli night at trader joes.

in it, the author lists 100 different ways that black males are at the beneficial end of intraracial gender privilege. this was a good concept (in theory), but the execution fails when he continues to add inconsequential sh*t to stretch the list to a more buzz-worthy “100″.

***example: #86 on his list “as men, we’re able to make exciting splashes when we urinate, as opposed to women who are stuck with boring peeing while sitting“. okay, i’m totally making this up. but you get my point***

also, what the author fails to admit is that we ALL benefit from some sort of privilege. whether its “pretty girl privilege”, “dark-skinned guy privilege“, “big d*ck privilege”, “big booty/little waist privilege“, “smart person privilege”, “inheritance privilege”, “token black privilege“, “no-kids privilege”, “squirter privilege”, or “i know my dad and i celebrate father’s day privilege“, the majority of us can name an advantage we have over many of our peers…and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

when the topic of privilege and double-standards is brought up though, males are inevitably painted as the bad guy, or at least the only beneficiaries…a statement which couldn’t be further from the truth.

for instance: a couple months ago, professional sambo rapper yung berg was (justifiably) railed across the coals for making that inane “pool test” statement dissing dark-skinned black women, yet many black women openly state their preference for darker-skinned males without rebuke, hurting the feelings of many of our lighter-skinned brethren, including our own p the arsonist. if i wrote an entry titled “top 5 reasons you can’t let a fat chick meet momma…even if momma’s fat too”, i’d probably hafta hire an intern just to deal with the hate mail i’d receive, but it is perfectly okay for a woman to state that she wouldn’t date a man under six feet tall, a statement which eliminates roughly 60-65 percent of the black male population since the average male height is 5’9”.

from hair texture and height to skin-tone and wang size, women are allowed to freely state physical preferences that openly eliminate many members of the opposite sex, characteristics that the guy has completely no control over. yet, a black male can’t even openly admit to being more attracted to women whose skin is a half shade lighter than theirs without getting verbally sodomized by feminist adebesis.

i guess you can say that this dynamic is a symptom of the fact that since at least 92 percent of what they say is bullsh*t women are generally given more latitude with their words than we are. maybe being able to openly eliminate prospects without rebuke is a by-product of them being socialized to openly express their feelings more freely and us being socialized to listen to and accept them regardless of how jejune they might be.

who knows. all i know is that someone needs to stand up for the short smart brothas out there too since they can’t stand up for themselves. well, they could, but does it really count as “standing up” if you can’t see over anyone’s shoulders? nevermind. don’t answer that. and, since i am the champion and sh*t, i nominate myself for the job.

—the champ

not that there’s anything wrong with any of this

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Okay. I’ll admit it. It’s true that men are typically held to a different standard in regards to the number of sexual partners we have. Because women are seen as the gatekeepers, the ones with the keys and the sexual veto power, men who are able to consistently “circumvent the system” are often highly regarded by their peers, and found to be more attractive to women. On the other hand, because women are seen as the creators of the sexual matrices, women who are “less stringent with their admissions policies and standards” are looked down upon.

To expound, men who are able to get with many women are seen in the same vein as the guy who’s able to get admitted into any university, while women whose screening processes are the exact opposite of “aggressive” and “thorough” and “logical” are seen in the same vein as community college, hence the phrase “junior college ho”‘

Admittedly, there is an inherent unfairness to this. Women are taught to suppress their sexual appetites, while men are encouraged to fulfill them. Although you can argue whether or not this way of thinking is ultimately beneficial for everyone and for the greater good of society, you can’t argue the blatant inequality in expectations.

Thing is, women aren’t the only ones held to a seemingly unfair sexual double standard. You don’t believe me? Read on:

Scenario 1: A man and a woman have been dating for a while, and have decided to take a step towards being in a committed relationship. During this time, they have a “talk”…one of those all-nighters where each party reveals a bit about themselves and their feelings and their history that the other party probably wasn’t aware of before. During this talk, the woman reveals a bit about her past…

“A decade ago, while I was still in college, a few girlfriends and I went to Cancun for spring break. We were short on cash, so we shared one room with two twin sized beds between the four of us. On one particularly wild and crazy and drunken night, while the other two roomies were still out partying, my bedmate and I decided to “experiment” with each other. It was just a one time occurrence. Sh*t, I’m not even attracted to women, and that was the first and last time I’ll ever have sex with one, but I thought that I should let you know about it before we got serious. I’d rather you hear it from me than someone else”

Now, in my very unscientific opinion, 85-90 percent of men will have some variation of one of the two following responses

1. “That’s no big deal honey. I’m sure we’ve all done stuff that we’re ashamed of. Lord knows I have”

2. “Did ya’ll make a tape???? I gotta see this tape!!! Where’s the f*cking tape??? Will you marry me????”

The other 10-15 percent might have a serious reservation or even consider it to be a deal-breaker.
Compare that to…

Scenario 2: A man and a woman have been dating for a while, and have decided to take a step towards being in a committed relationship. During this time, they have a “talk”…one of those all-nighters where each party reveals a bit about themselves and their feelings and their history that the other party probably wasn’t aware of before. During this talk, the man reveals a bit about his past…

“A few years ago while I was in college, a few frat brothers and I went to Cancun for spring break. One of the nights, when a friend and I were especially drunk and happened to be chillin in the room by ourselves watching “change of heart”, one thing led to another, and we made out and, ummmm, a few other things. It was just a one time occurrence. I’m in no way, shape, or form attracted to men, but I thought that I should let you know about it before we got serious”

Now, in my equally very unscientific opinion, 10 to 15 percent of women will have some variation of the following response…

1. “That’s no big deal honey. I’m sure we’ve all done stuff that we’re ashamed of. Lord knows I have”

…while the words coming from the mouths of the other 85-90 percent might sound something like

“Okay, I’m gonna run to the store to get some clorox wipes, plastic gloves, and ziplock bags. I expect you to be gone by the time i get back. I’d say don’t let the door hit you on the ass too hard on the way out, but your Al Reynolds ass would probably enjoy it!”

You can argue that a male homosexual act is more invasive then a female homosexual act. You can also argue that our definition of masculinity is so concretized that any act that’s perceived to be outside of that norm is immediately deemed “unmasculine”, but you can’t argue the fact that’s it’s a bit unequal. Where women are looked down upon for sheer volume, men are dismissed because of specific acts.

When you match the two “inequalities” together though, things have a way of balancing out. A self-imposed system of sexual checks and balances that ultimately work in everybody’s favor, and keeps the champ happy, which is all that really matters anyway.

—the champ