You Don’t Need My Girl’s Number, But I May Need To Call Your Boy!

Has nothing to do with the post, I just think this is good advice.

**UPDATE: If you are interested in attending the Election Night Watch Party with VSB, Urban Cusp, IMPACT, and The Root DC, please RSVP as we opened it up to a few more individuals.**

This isn’t about double standards…thought it clearly is one.

This isn’t about cognitive dissonance…though the dissonance is clearly cognitive.

(Sidenote: I’d never heard the term “cognitive dissonance” until I saw Champ use it here at some point, noticing that along with “narrative” it had become one of his favorite terms. I had to look it up every single time I saw it, getting to the point where I had to attempt to create scenarios where the term fit in order to understand the idea. I’m not proud of this and am much smarter than those words illustrate, but I thought I’d share anyway. Thank you.)

I’m one of those chaps with good friends, especially my boys. Everything I do, I do it for my crew ya know. It’s all strictly for my N.I.*.*.A.Z., ya dig? For the most part, if the women I’m dating meet my boys, pretty shortly afterwards they mention how cool my friends are and how much they can tell that I have real friends. If we make it to real dating status and all that jazz, there’s a very good chance that my ladyfriends will come to love hanging out with my hombres and likely come to call them friends as well.

In fact, upon breaking up with an ex some many years ago, she SPECIFICALLY said that while she understood that we were breaking up, she had to be able to still be friends with one of my boys…she patently refused to give up that friendship. We are all still friends to this day. This happened.

Not only has this phenomenon NOT happened in reverse for me – not that I never think that the women I date have good friends or cool friends or anything, of course they are – I can’t see it ever happening to any man. In fact, I tend to keep my lady friends friends are arm’s lengths. Why?

Women don’t trust anybody.

Yet somehow, women, specifically the ones I’ve dated, have seen nothing wrong at all with getting the phone numbers of my boys and/or going out to eat lunch with them, etc. Of course, I know about it all – none of this is suspicious or a surprise. But I can’t even imagine finding a good reason to get the phone number of one of my girlfriends friends. Actually, that’s not true. There’s always the “here, take Such-n-Such’s number because my phone is about to die” situation that arises, but even then I never think to actually use the number outside of the intended or specific purpose.

But I don’t think that most women would see anything wrong, suspicious, or even remotely odd about keeping in touch with their boyfriend’s homeboys – as long as the friend is a REAL friend. Or maybe I’m just lying to myself and I’ve got the most trustworthy group of friends on the planet (possible).

Picture me rollin…

I asked other women about this because I was curious and while none of them said that they are like friends-friends (you know when you repeat the words twice, it’s like really real) almost 90 percent of them DID have the phone number of one or more of their man’s friends. The same did not hold for the opposite unless they were established friends from way back. So basically, new guy and gal start dating, it’s highly likely that if some sh*t goes down, gal will have guy’s boys number to call to help guy get right.

The opposite? Sheiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Guy better hit up Twitter – which, no bullsh*t, is just as good as text messaging nowadays. Maybe not “just as” but if its definitely 1B.

Anyway, good folks of VSB, can somebody explain this phenomenon to me? Does this all come down to women’s lack of trusting any other woman on the planet but trusting themselves so its okay? Fellas, do you have your girlfriend’s friends info and use it with any frequency whatsoever? Ladies, do you (or would you) all have your boyfriend’s friends’ information and use it?

Holla if ya hear me. Inquiring minds would like to know.

Water.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I’LL JUST TWEET YOU aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

FOR THE DMV VSBers: Tomorrow night, ELECTION NIGHT 2012, November 6, 2012, VSB along with Urban Cusp, IMPACT, The Root DC, and WPGC will be hosting an Watch Party event at the Washington Post. The RSVPs are sold out at this point but check back over the course of the day to see if we open the floor to more individuals as we will be shunnin’ ninjas at the door. Anyway, peep the flyer, just sharing for now. If you already RSVP’d, we can’t wait to celebrate (hopeful) victory!

Chicks Might Could Probably Get Away With Murder When They Sling Yay

I got nothing.

Double standards are one of those things that exist in spades in this world. There’s males thinking they can cheat because that’s what men do, and then there are women who scream for equality chastising men who don’t want to pay for first date dinners. It’s a tangled web we weave and my guitar gently weeps for the middle ground.

What does have to do with the price of modern medicine in Tijuana? Nothing, but it does make me think about the many things that women are able to get away with that a dude could NEVER in a hundred years get away with…lest he look extra ‘spicious or at the very least like a conviction waiting to happen. I’m not sure what it is about women’s ability to do certain things that men can’t do. Maybe it’s the “intent” doctrine that states that if a man does it there is some sort of sinister malice involved or a credible threat present or he’s exacting some sort of patriarchal domination. Whereas women, on the other hand, are merely arbiters of all that is well and good with the world so there’s no malicious threat, just the threat of love and peace.

Panama, what are you talking about? Glad you asked. Wrote a song about it, like to hear it, here it go. www.ps.com, I totally didn’t write a song about it.

Here are some things women can get away with that a man could never pull off…

1. Grabbing wangs

I cannot tell you how many times in the club I’ve had a woman purposefully and intentionally grab my wang. Or even walking down the street…extremely bold women will grasp my crotch and keep on walking…LIKE THAT SH*T IS OKAY! It used to happen in high school all the time. Now, reverse that. If I were walking down the street and grabbed a woman’s crotchal region there’s a very good chance that I”d catch the wrath of Khan with a soda on the side and likely face a misdemeanor charge. Heaven forbid I get Tier III’d and end up on a sex registry. Granted, I wouldn’t ever just grab a chicks boobs or anything anyway because I do indeed value my freedom, but the point is, a woman could and guys would just laugh it off. A man does it and I’m degrading women AND chancing becoming one in jail. Hm.

2. Suggestively talking about smanging minors

I remember when Chris Brown first hit the scene. Grown ass women were out here talking about how fine he was and what they’d do to him. Or even Justin Bieber. There’s a school teacher out there somewhere RIGHT NOW mad that he ain’t in her class so she can get pregnant with his lovechild. Now, let’s just say you were out at a party and folks were talking about smanging celebs and somebody was like, “yeah, dog, Keke Palmer does it for me!” Records would scrrrrrrrrr…and folks would look at him like there was something wrong with him. Hell, I even cringed when one of those random ninjas from YMCMB – it’s Yung mula baby – said, “and in about three years holler at me Miley Cyrus”. It’s funny, but it felt skeevy. She’s engaged now by the way.

3. Hitting a man

We’ve covered this before so there’s no need to delve too deeply. But women can DEFINITELY get away with hitting a man and he’s just supposed to take it. Then again, one of the major go-to-statements if a woman is trippin’ is to yell out “Anna Mae” so I do realize that we don’t really respect domestic violence anyway. Lesson there: people suck for free, hoes do it for profit.

4. Loudcap police

I’ve seen it and despite most people’s insistence that they know better, I think women can definitely get away with way more in talking about to police. One of my boys got tossed in jail for “not shutting up” when there was also a chick present who wouldn’t shut her yap. While I’m sure most of us coloreds would know better than to talk back to police, I get the impression that a woman would feel more at ease making the decision to “get smart” than a man would. The guy knows he’s going to jail. The woman would be surprised.

Those are four different scenarios where a woman could get away with sh*t that a man couldn’t. Are there any others? And in the spirit of equal opportunity, what are some things a man can get away with that a woman can’t? I know that one’s a lot more common, but VSB is EOE like a motherf*cker. Hell our 3 interns are women. VSB is overrun by women.

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. DON’T GRAB MY WANG aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC folks: It looks like your boy PJ won a happy hour at McFadden’s for this coming Friday night from 10pm-midnight. I get to drink free for those two hours and anybody who comes and says my name at the door can get $3 of almost anything for those 2 hours. So come hang with VSB P at McFaddens at 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, NW on Friday, June 8 from 10pm to midnight. I’ll post the address tomorrow since I’m too lazy to do it now! No cover, just drunken fun.

Gender-Based Double Standards That Need To Stay Double Standards

The typical first questions a woman wants to know about her friend’s new boo-thang involves a rundown of his resume. What he is (degrees, titles) seem to outweigh who he is (loving, supportive, etc). Questions like, “How does he treat you?” or “What do you feel when you’re with him?” don’t matter for some women.

Men, however, don’t do this. Maybe they focus more on other superficial things like a woman’s appearance, but her resume never factors into if he’ll date her or how his friend’s will judge her.

This quote is from “But He Works at Starbucks!” — a recent Clutch Magazine piece where the author (Patrice J. Williams) expresses a bit of angst about her new love interest’s relatively underwhelming occupation and explains that the source of much of her angst is her worrying about what her girlfriends will think about him. (Sound familiar?)

You’re probably expecting me to use these next couple paragraphs to tell another “Boy meets Girl” story where I’d talk about how short-sighted, faulty, and hypocritical it is for women to judge a man’s sexual/relationship worthiness on his status (and somehow find a way to fill my weekly “unprompted shade at Deltas” quota).

But, while I think this particular instance is an example of a woman, the author’s homegirl, being more concerned with appearances than ambition – like a few said in the comments there, a Starbucks manager could be pulling in 45-50 a year with full benefits and a chance to rise up the ladder at one of the country’s biggest companies – I don’t think it’s wrong for women to consider potential future earning power when deciding who to invite to meet Miss Sweet n Low. (Btw, “Miss Sweet n Low” is the name that I think all single women should give their vaginas. When married? “The Harvest Festival.”)

Yeah, as the author points out, it’s a double standard, but it’s a double standard that I don’t want made “equal.” I actually don’t mind the fact that we’re judged on something we have a bit of control over. Plus, let them (women) continue to worry about vague and boring shit like whether he can be a protector and provider for the children she’s never going to actually have because she waited until her 53rd birthday to get hitched, and let us (men) continue to fret about fun shit like “If we lose all of our furniture in a flood, is her booty big enough to serve as a temporary coffee table until we get the check from State Farm?”

The Starbucks situation aside, can you think of any other double standards that need to stay exactly how they are? Are you completely cool with the fact that homegirls can have adult sleepovers where they’re taking shots and snapping each other’s thongs while guys can even see movies together unless they star Paul Walker? Are you ok with the fact that “woman with a bunch of useless and stupid shit in her house” = “normal” while “man with a bunch of useless and stupid shit in his house” = “Todd Palin”?

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, andFighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously. Tell us and we’ll send Liz’s boobs to fix it)

dating double standards…and how they all even out

“keep smiling. you know that coffee aint free, right?”

the NBA playoffs are easily my favorite time of the year. note, i didn’t say favorite sports time of the year. no, i look forward to the nba playoffs more than christmas, big l’s birthday, caribana, the season premiere of curb your enthusiasm, and the first warm day of the spring when every 18 to 30 year old woman decides to dress like j-woww from jersey shore. but, despite my standom, there are parts of the playoffs i can do without, and the most prevalent of these annoyances are the people intent on blaming every game their team loses on the referees.

seriously, if you were to go any random NBA playoff game thread on espn.com, maybe about 30 percent of those responses will have something to do with how the refs and the NBA are biased against their team, which is foolish when you break it down. i mean, if every fanbase complains about the refs after every loss, doesn’t this prove that the refs aren’t actually biased against anyone?

anyway, this topic made me think about the double standards many of us bitch about in regards to dating. guys complain that the financial burden unfairly rests on us, women complain that they’re not allowed the same sexual freedom that we are, and mexicans complain that God made them mexicans.

but, like the referee griping, many of these perceived injustices have a way of canceling themselves out in the end, and we’ll look at two of them today.

1. gripe: “guys get lauded for getting laid alot, but women knee deep in multiple dicks get dissed, and that aint fair”

how it evens out: while its true that promiscuous women usually aren’t allowed to use big momma’s good china (seriously. i remember my homeboy’s mom once telling him that if he brought any hoochies home for dinner, they’d have to eat with plastic forks and paper plates. he’s in prison now. i don’t know if these two things are related.), men are actually held to the exact same sexual standard…except the complete opposite.

there’s societal pressure on women to be (somewhat) chaste or risk ostracization, but that same pressure is on men to conquer as much coochie as possible. while this may seem like a good type of stress to have, there’s a reason why every (yup. every) man reading this has either told a half-truth or a blatant lie about his sexual conquests at least once. “underperforming” guys are clowned just as harshly as overperforming women

summary: everything sucks for everybody, so shut the hell up

2. gripe: “wait a second. why the hell am i expected to pay for dates, even if this chick makes more money than i do”

how it evens out: from an evolutionary perspective, the entire dating and mating dynamic is an elaborate dance meant to help women weed out undesirable potential sperm donors. and, while being able to spring for supersized value meals definitely isn’t a surefire sign that a dude’s a good mate, it does suggest that he might possibly be willing to protect and provide for her.

this vetting process is crucial because of the risk involved with woman having sex. not only do they make a bigger physical, emotional, and psychological investment in reproduction than we do, they’re more susceptible to injury, disease, and evelynlozaditis (what happens when stress and hard living makes you look 17 years older than your actual age)

summary: man up, bitch.

anyway, people of vsb.com, can you think of any more dating double standards?

also, do you agree with the whole “balancing out” concept i brought up in the post? if you disagree, what do you use to fill the space that would usually be occupied by a brain? gumballs? aluminum siding? cocoa butter? bat feet? inquiring minds want to know and shit.

–the champ

the preference privilege

for the last month or so, an article titled “the black male privilege checklist” has made its way around the blogosphere, sparking discussion, inciting debates, and wetting more womanist mesh panties than free patchouli night at trader joes.

in it, the author lists 100 different ways that black males are at the beneficial end of intraracial gender privilege. this was a good concept (in theory), but the execution fails when he continues to add inconsequential sh*t to stretch the list to a more buzz-worthy “100″.

***example: #86 on his list “as men, we’re able to make exciting splashes when we urinate, as opposed to women who are stuck with boring peeing while sitting“. okay, i’m totally making this up. but you get my point***

also, what the author fails to admit is that we ALL benefit from some sort of privilege. whether its “pretty girl privilege”, “dark-skinned guy privilege“, “big d*ck privilege”, “big booty/little waist privilege“, “smart person privilege”, “inheritance privilege”, “token black privilege“, “no-kids privilege”, “squirter privilege”, or “i know my dad and i celebrate father’s day privilege“, the majority of us can name an advantage we have over many of our peers…and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

when the topic of privilege and double-standards is brought up though, males are inevitably painted as the bad guy, or at least the only beneficiaries…a statement which couldn’t be further from the truth.

for instance: a couple months ago, professional sambo rapper yung berg was (justifiably) railed across the coals for making that inane “pool test” statement dissing dark-skinned black women, yet many black women openly state their preference for darker-skinned males without rebuke, hurting the feelings of many of our lighter-skinned brethren, including our own p the arsonist. if i wrote an entry titled “top 5 reasons you can’t let a fat chick meet mommaeven if momma’s fat too”, i’d probably hafta hire an intern just to deal with the hate mail i’d receive, but it is perfectly okay for a woman to state that she wouldn’t date a man under six feet tall, a statement which eliminates roughly 60-65 percent of the black male population since the average male height is 5’9”.

from hair texture and height to skin-tone and wang size, women are allowed to freely state physical preferences that openly eliminate many members of the opposite sex, characteristics that the guy has completely no control over. yet, a black male can’t even openly admit to being more attracted to women whose skin is a half shade lighter than theirs without getting verbally sodomized by feminist adebesis.

i guess you can say that this dynamic is a symptom of the fact that since at least 92 percent of what they say is bullsh*t women are generally given more latitude with their words than we are. maybe being able to openly eliminate prospects without rebuke is a by-product of them being socialized to openly express their feelings more freely and us being socialized to listen to and accept them regardless of how jejune they might be.

who knows. all i know is that someone needs to stand up for the short smart brothas out there too since they can’t stand up for themselves. well, they could, but does it really count as “standing up” if you can’t see over anyone’s shoulders? nevermind. don’t answer that. and, since i am the champion and sh*t, i nominate myself for the job.

—the champ