Tag Archives: diva dudes

Collateral Damage: What Happens When Women Only Dig Men Who Just Aren’t That Into Them

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When first hearing about the recent Harvard University/University of Virginia study that showed women to be more interested in and attracted to men if they don’t know whether this interest and attraction is reciprocated, my first thought was “Thank you, Captain Obviouses. Anything else you all need to tell me? Did a corresponding team of nutless monkeys also study whether it hurts when you spray Frank’s Hot Sauce in your eyes?”

Seriously, from the club and the existence of the close bus to “He’s Just Not That Into You” and the entire premise of “What Chilli Wants,” life and pop culture are filled with numerous examples of proof that many women tend to only get turned on by men who wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire.

But, while this study rehashes a perpetually recycled point, it did inspire a few questions, most notably…

“Well, we already know that many women only dig men who just aren’t that into them. But, how does that affect everyone else? Most importantly, is there any collateral damage, and what exactly would that collateral damage be?”

I was feeling especially smart yesterday, so I tried to answer my own questions.

1. Men who do actually dig these women begin to think that they need to mimic the characteristics of the “liked” guys in order to get liked back, and they’re right to believe that. Only problem is that many of them adopt the wrong characteristics, get more frustrated, and get “unliked” even more.

This happens everyday.

Boy meets Girl at annual Delta Sigma Theta Tanqueray Drink-a-Thon. Boy’s into Girl, but Boy gets the feeling that Girl is about as enthusiastic about him as Cromartie is to condoms, and Boy is right. The only chance Boy has of getting between Girl’s sheets is if he hide in her laundry basket. Despite this, Boy stupidly allows himself to stay cool with Girl, and eventually becomes the de facto limp-d*cked shoulder to lean on as Girl gets played by guy after guy. Boy notices this, and begins to act distant and antagonistic towards girl — mimicking the characteristics of the guys Girl is interested in. Thing is, Boy doesn’t realize that Girl allows these guys to be distant and antagonistic because she’s interested in them. Basically, they have carte blanche to be assholes because they have other attractive qualities. Boy misinterprets this, though, and goes from “unattractive” to “unattractive asshole.” Frustrated, unliked, and stll celibate, Boy dons peacock feathers and sings “Eff You” at 2011 Grammy Awards.

2. Women begin to lose faith in all men…not just the ones who don’t want them.

You know, there’s a name for the type of person who’d write off an entire group of people just because a few of these people disappointed them, even though this endless disappointment is largely their fault. And by, “You know, there’s a name for the type of person who’d write off an entire group of people just because a few of these people disappointed them, even though this endless disappointment is largely their fault.” I mean “Women are crazy.”

3. The women who actually do like the guys mentioned in #1 — men who harbor unreciprocated affections for certain women — begin to resent the women these men harbor the unreciprocated affection for.

Quite possibly the most ironic(?) effect of the women only digging men who don’t really dig them phenomenon is the fact that this woman’s actions will eventually cause other, less sought after, women to resent them. But, while this sentiment may seem like 80 proof haterade on the surface, it’s more a sense of “Bitch, do you realize how hard you’re making it for all of us because your silly ass is still caught up with Floyd Mayweather???”

4. Guys used to women they’re lukewarm about going gaga over them start treating all women with the same general sense of apathy and subtle disdain.

Basically, you create new Diva Dudes; an entire batch of tuxedoed-for-no-good-gotdamn-reason assholes free to infest happy hours, game nights, and mixers with their excessively initialed stench. Ah Phooey!

Anyway, people of VSB.com, do you think women are more likely to be into men who really aren’t that into them? If so, why? Also, ladies: do you get annoyed when you see other women playing and dismissing perfectly good dudes for assholes?

Lastly, do you agree that this phenomenon has quite a few peripheral effects, and is this just an accepted part of the game? If a black blogger asked a bunch of contrived questions in the woods, would Chilli chase him down?

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

defining the “diva dude”

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admin note: the original photo here has been removed. the champ felt bad picking on innocent party bystanders. carry on.

an epidemic unique to the black community, the “diva dude” describes the mindset created in certain faulty brothas, developed after reading and hearing about the “good black male shortage” supposedly sweeping through the country at a pandemic rate.

it’s a condition, an aura which basically lets every eligible woman within a 25 mile radius know “look, i’ve read the same articles that you have, and since i’m such an “endangered species“, i pretty much have carte blanche to do whatever the hell I want with you. kiss the ring, desperate b*tch”.

they’re walking among us, twirling blue and white sticks and passive-aggressively suggesting dutch first dates as we speak, and it’s one of vsb’s crime-fighting duties to locate and brand them before they continue to poison the already murky dating pool.

here are a few characteristics and behaviors synonymous of the diva dude. If any man possesses seven or more of these traits, he qualifies.

think of this as a dating DSM-IV.

***before I continue, i want to make it very clear that being a young, successful, black male definitely doesn’t automatically make you a DD. DD’s are bred in insecurity…grown-*ss babies who need female attention to validate their existence. basically, these are the type of cats who would all of a sudden start using initials for their first names when becoming successful, thinking that “t. jonathan butler” on a business card might procure more panties than regular ole “tyrone j. butler” ever did*** Continue reading →

diva dudes: the relationship jabberwockys

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****In part one of the toxic people examination, the champ discussed evil bitch’s broad’s (EB’s)…who they are, how to detect them, and why to avoid them. Today, he’ll shed light on the diva dude…the epitome of b*tcha*sness, and the bane of every young women’s existence****

An epidemic unique to the black community, the “diva dude” describes the mindset created in certain black men, developed after reading and hearing about the “good black male shortage” that’s supposedly sweeping through the country at a pandemic rate

Its a condition, an aura which basically lets every eligible female within a 25 mile radius know “Look, I’ve read the same articles that you have, and since I’m such an “endangered species“, I pretty much have carte blanche to do whatever the hell I want with you. Kiss the ring, desperate b-tch”.

Here are a few characteristics that they all possess. Unlike EB’S, who only have to possess 3 out of the 5 possible EB categories to qualify, all DD’S share the following characteristics. Think of this as a dating DSM-IV.

****Also, before i continue, i want to make it very clear that being a young, successful, black male definitely doesn’t automatically make you a DD. DD’s are bred in insecurity…grown-ass babies who need female attention to validate their existence. basically, the type of cats who would all of a sudden start using initials for their first names when becoming successful, thinking that “t. jonathan butler” on a business card might procure more panties than regular ole “tyrone butler” ever did****

1. They’re straight and single with no kids. 25 to 35 years old with advanced degrees and decent jobs, cars, and apartments/condos.

Basically, the exact type of black man that studies will tell you do not exist.

2. They live in cities with metropolitan areas over 250,000 people

This is very important because large metropolitan areas allows them to basically get away with their BS unfettered. If a group of women get wise and catches them, recognizing in them numerous diva dude characteristics, there’s always another mall or happy hour or convention somewhere in the city where the “mythical black man” schtick will guarantee free panties. There are suckers for DD’s with degrees born every minute (pun and double entredre intended)

3. They’ve been the “proverbial ugly duckling” until very recently

This is important, because the fact that weren’t getting any rhythm before they became notable creates an inherent bitchassness that permeates everything they do. From what i understand, this seems to be pretty common with black male greeks

4. They’re only friends with other diva dudes

All DD’s are close friends with between one and four other diva dudes, a safe number which gives them a couple clubbing and drinking buddies, but not so many that their diva light doesn’t shine as bright.

Remember, these are not alphas dogs, just a bunch of beta d-cks constantly thirsty for attention, hoping that a chick he walks past at the mall will happen to see the SAAB keys he’s “nonchalantly” jigging in his left hand and double-take.

Diva dudes are to be detected and avoided at all costs, and each gender has their own specific reason

1. *women*

They will run through and ruin you. It’s that simple.

2. *men*

Because DD behavior can be very tempting for a man to emulate, it’s very important that you do whatever you can to distance yourself from them. It’s akin to being in constant close contact with a group of porn stars or crackheads. The more you surround yourself with them, the more you’ll begin to justify their questionable behavior, eventually leading to you picking up the proverbial crack pipe, thinking “this must be a hell of a drug”

Admittedly, there is a certain allure to living this lifestyle. Not so much in the DD actions, but in the figurative thumbing of the nose at all the shit saying that all black men between 17-35 are either imprisoned, uneducated, unemployed, or gay. Despite the attraction to this state of mind, you have to remember that these are the dudes who probably will end up like Champ Kind from Anchorman when they reach 40…

…single, lonely, and unable to function without the aid of his crew of like-minded relationship nincompoops. destined to a lifetime of terribly furnished apartments and occasionally getting “lucky” when some 19 year old working the hot dog stand in front of the club is impressed with his red corvette.

Again, i want to remind everyone about our 21 hour hotline at contact@verysmartbrothas.com. If you know anybody who fits this criteria and suspect that they need help, please don’t hesitate to contact us. it’s your duty. don’t let us down

—the champ

EB’s, the human body snatchers

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Relationships, successful ones at least, depend largely on two factors: compatibility and timing. Since compatibililty depends primiarly on personality, and since your peer group does more to influence your personality than any other entity, it makes perfect sense to do whatever it takes to extract toxic people from your life.

In a two part series, The Champ will examine two types of toxic people, evil bitch‘s broad‘s (EB’s) and diva dudes, letting you know exactly how to detect them, and why you should expunge them from your existence.

without further ado…

Five signs that you might be an evil bitch broad (EB)

1. You’ve physically fought another woman over a man

Read that statement very carefully though. You CAN defend your man. In fact, you SHOULD defend your man if you ever see him in distress and are in a position to provide assistance. Thing is, and let me make myself very clear with this: there are absolutely no circumstances where it’s okay to fight another woman in order to win a man’s affection. No man is worth this. Nobody. Not even me, and I’m The Champ. If it ever gets to this point, cut your losses and walk away. Any man that’s actually worth fighting for wouldn’t even let you have to fight to win his affection

2. You’re not clinically depressed, and you don’t have eclectic teeth, but you never smile.

Women with serious mental and/or emotional issues are excused from the whole “never smiling” thing. Thing is, if you’re not clinically depressed, and you still haven’t cracked a smile in public since Eriq Lasalle was still on “ER”, then you very well might be an EB.

Also, smiling is sexy. Let me repeat that just in case anybody missed it the first time. Smiling is sexy. Very. Very, very sexy. (Please pause and re-read those last three sentences)

Seriously, the champ has a borderline obsessive infatuation with crush on Jill Scott just because of her smile and the possibility that she’d make me early morning fish and grits while smiling that sexy ass smile.

(best served with post-coital grits and turkey bacon)

These are also usually the type of women who are just plain mean and nasty to everyone. Dogs, waitresses, cab drivers, cats, tree bark, mailmen, co-workers, salespeople…it doesn’t matter. They are perpetually curt and ungracious, somehow brainwashed into thinking that “meanness” equals “confidence” or “sexiness”.

Guys sometimes get fooled by these types of women because men whom they find attractive (at first) are usually the only people who don’t feel their wrath. Thing is guys, the meanness and selfishness will eventually affect you as well, for these are the women who’ll hide your car keys before you take you great aunt to her weekly dialysis appointment because you made the wrong flavor of kool-aid the night before.

3. You have ZERO female friends

The women who say things like “women are bitches…that why I only have close male friends” are probably EB’s. Seriously, somebody has to be suspect if they can go through 20+ years of their life and not be close to ANYBODY else in their peer group. EB’s tend to attract other EB’s. They can sniff out each others presence, and they run in packs like wild wolves or jaded Hispanics. If you’re one of those women who always seem to fall victim to EB’s and EB like activity, chances are, you’re an EB as well.

****Just to give you a clue of how utterly jacked up the “I hate other females” line is, imagine, women, if some guy you’re dating actually said “I’ve always got along better with women. I just can’t stand dudes at all. I can’t trust them, have nothing in common with them, and think they’re all silly“. I think the term “deal-breaker” was invented for people like that****

4. You consistently refer to yourself in the third person and it’s never tongue-in-cheek.

This also applies to people who consistently use air quotes to “express” their “thoughts” and “what they’re trying to say” “and stuff”. A-hole’s.

5. Nothing can embarrass you or make you blush.

It says a lot about a person who is never affected by others opinions or standard. No, you shouldn’t live your entire life strickly appeasing other people’s ideals of culture or normal behavior, but to be totally oblivious is a sign of EB-dom. These are the women who partake in consistently cringe-worthy behavior, yet the only people who actually cringe are the ones witnessing it.

Plus, along with smiling, blushing is sexy as well. There’s nothing more endearing than a woman who’s grounded enough to still feel a bit of modest awkwardness when given a sincere compliment.

EB’s are to be avoided at all costs by both sexes for one simple reason: they will make your life a living hell. Their negativity will eventually infect you, permeating into your personaility and emitting through your pores like a virus or the smell of fried salmon, snatching your body, making you virtually unfriendable and undateable

If you suspect that you or someone close to you may be exhibiting any of these behaviors, please contact our 21-hour hotline at contact@verysmartbrothas.com.

***coming soon, part 2: “diva dudes….the relationship jabberwockys“***

—the champ