we received this forward from esteemed regular ana b a few days ago….

dictionary decoder for women’s personal ads

40-ish………………………49
Adventurous……………..Slept with all your friends
Beautiful……………………Pathological liar
Contagious Smile………..Does a lot of pills
Educated…………………..Was screwed to bits at College
Emotionally Secure……..On medication
Feminist…………………….Fat
Free spirited………………….Junkie
Friendship first……………Former slut
Fun………………………….Annoying
Gentle………………………Dull
Good Listener……………Autistic
New-Age………………….Body hair problems
Old-fashioned…………….Missionary position only
Open-minded……………..Desperate
Outgoing……………………Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate………………….Sloppy drunk
Poet………………………….Depressive
Professional…………… …Bi*ch
Romantic…………………..Frigid
Social……………………….Crotch like a clown’s pocket
Voluptuous………………..Very Fat
Large lady…………………Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate………….Stalker
Widow………………………Murderer.

(***champ’s note*** after reading this i’m actually jealous that someone thought of “crotch like a clown’s pocket” before i did. this might have been the holy grail of crotch-related simile snark, and I’m seriously distressed by this)

good readers of verysmartbrothas.com, if you could add your own “dictionary decoding” words for either gender, what would they be?

—vsb