Five Things That’ll Happen If You Don’t Support VSB: The Pilot

Please help us keep these men off the pole

Although I’ve been taught that positive reinforcement is the best way to motivate and inspire, I’ve found that for me, personally, the experience of being scared shitless seems to help best. For instance, nightmares about the jailhouse jelly man are the reasons why I decided not to be a drug dealer (Well, that and the fact that you can’t be a hustler and lactose intolerant at the same time. Can’t be an efficient corner boy if you need to take breaks every 30 minutes to find a clean toilet), and the little jackals running around with cigarettes and open packs of dog food every time I go to Target are why I don’t think I have any kids.

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because, while wanting to support us and our project is a noble reason to give, perhaps knowing what would happen if we didn’t receive the necessary support may be a more effective strategy.

With this in mind, here’s five things that’ll likely happen if you don’t support VSB: The Pilot

1. You will die

Now, I realize this is a little misleading. Seeing that all of us are going to pass away someday anyway, you’re going to eventually die and shit whether you support our project or not. But, with all that being said, the fact remains that if you don’t visit our Indiegogo page, you will die. We will too, actually. So, well, support us.

Or die.

2. Lead actors David Hunter Jr. and Leo Breckenridge will be forced to return to their normal jobs (stripping and doing quality control on samples of gluten-free turkey chili passed out at Trader Joe’s, respectively)

Both extremely talented young actors, David and Leo are very much looking forward to being a part of this project. David (who’s playing “Brandon,” the guy loosely based on me), is a Hampton University grad and received his B.A. in Theatre Arts Performance. After graduating, David began performing with the Improv Troupe, “5-6-7-8” at several venues in the DC Metro area including the DC Capitol Fringe Fest and the Improv’s home base, the Washington DC Improv and won several awards for his work.

Since re-locating to Los Angeles, he’s been very busy adding a number of short films, independent feature length films, theatre productions and commercial credits to his resume.

Leo (who’s playing “Andre,” the character loosely based on Panama) began his professional career touring the United States as “Emmett Till” in the critically acclaimed stage production “Anne & Emmett” under the direction of OBIE award winner Robbie McCauley, and then three time TONY award winner Hinton Battle. He went on to play “Duke Ellington” in the award winning film short “U Street.” He more recently made his Los Angeles stage/film debut in the controversial production “TORN: The Willie Lynch Letter.”

Thing is, despite David and Leo’s obvious talents, the adverse economy hasn’t allowed each of them to leave their day jobs yet. This project will do a lot in making that happen, so if you want to keep David off the pole and Leo out of those God-awful Trader Joe’s quality control meetings were they make him sit Indian-style for five hours straight while he samples meat from Youngstown-bred orphan turkeys, support the series.

3. Liz will put a curse on you

I’m still not exactly sure which religion Liz practices (and I’m not sure if she knows either), but I do know that whatever religion it happens to be, it involves curses.

4. Panama and I will organize a fund-raiser/BBQ for VSB Nation in the last week of October, when the weather is still nice enough to have an outdoor event. Except by organize a fundraiser/BBQ for VSB Nation I mean “pretend like we’re really inviting you all to D.C. for a fundraiser/party, when we’re really just gathering you all in one place so we can rob you.”

It would behoove you (and your pockets, wallets, and pride) to believe me.

5. Tyler Perry will remake “Love Jones.” (And “Boomerang.” And “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” And “The Passion of The Christ.” And “Citizen Kane.” And Kim Kardashian and Ray J’s sex tape.)

Look, we’ve already seen how hysterical people got at the mere suggestion that Tyler Perry was going to remake “Love Jones,” but trust me when I tell you that if VSB: The Pilot doesn’t happen, you WILL see Madea and Darius Lovehall (played by Chris Brown) on the same screen. I can’t go into exactly why it’s going to happen — or how I know this will happen — but it will, and you can’t say you weren’t warned by me first.

Scared shitless yet? Good. Now go and unscare yourself, or I’ll track down the jailhouse jelly man and have him guest post this week.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***If you haven’t already, check out “Signs He Just Might Hate Women” — my latest at Ebony.com, and “Very Smart Brotha Gives Very Smart Dating Advice to a Very Single Mom (Part II)” over at Black and Married With Kids***

And for those folks in the DMV, this Saturday, October 6 is another edition of Reminisce, our all 90s everything hip-hop/r&b/dancehall party at Liv Nightclub in Washington, DC. It’s free before 11pm with RSVP (http://reminiscedc.eventbrite.com) and there’s an open bar from 930-1030pm with no dress code. Come to party, leave to remember. Reminisce. Peep the flyer and FB invite: http://www.facebook.com/events/325601340869364/