Signs That Guys Look For To Know That A Woman Is Interested

start-dating-signs-compatible-ugly-flirting-ecards-someecardsWhen it comes to approaching women there are three types of guys.

1. The guy who will never approach a woman and will likely only ever meet a woman at an Everest College Alumni Mixer or Home Depot After Dark Game Night where the convos are controlled and he’s got a better than 75 percent chance of you at least saying something back to his, “hey…so what brings you here?” He is also most likely to marry the sh*t out of the woman that he eventually dates because he is NOT going through the agony of meeting anybody else. That sh*t is for the angry birds.

2. The guy who will approach your mother in front of you. He is likely the guy most women don’t want because well, he’s going to holler until he succeeds. Basically, its not you he’s after, well not “you”. He sees, he wants, he attempts. These guys are can eventually get hemmed up into a relationship, but its on his terms solely.

3. The guy who is waiting for as many signs as possible that he should ask for the number. Unless he sees a woman he just can’t NOT holler at because he is so taken aback. Think Jason from Jason’s Lyric. True story: I actually ran the lines from that movie about wanting to see a woman again (“If you go to church, I want to be in the back pew…”); that sh*t worked. It helped that I meant it. Anyway, I think most guys fall into this third camp.

Let’s talk about this last group. Why? I’ll tell you why. Recently I had a conversation with some friends of mine about why I never hollered at a woman I had an interest in. Me, Panama Jackson, was waiting to get my Ace of Base on. But I never saw the sign. Now, their argument to me was that, dude, she speaks to you, she’s not outwardly rebuffing your convo…go in for it.

Now, as stupid as this sounds, I will own the fact that this particular woman had me shook. I don’t know why or how it happened, but I was not about to stick a quarter in my a** in this situation. I feel like half of everybody will get that reference and the other half is SO confused right now.

But this got me to thinking of signs that most guys actually look for to know that women are interested. Not that batting eyes sh*t. But actual signs. Now before I list some, this does not absolve guys from not hollering at women. If you are interested, it is imperative that as a dude you leap out there on faith and take a chance. Women seem to know how hard it is to holler at women even though they feel like you should get over it. At the end of the day, it has to happen in order to preserve the species right? The Internet has become a great equalizer in all of this because you can reach out to damn near anybody via social networking and as long as she knows who you are and you have a few friends in common there’s a chance she won’t yell STALKER from jump. But that’s neither here nor there.

So here are what we’re looking for.

1. Smile

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Women hate it when men tell you to smile. So I’m not telling you to smile. In fact, get your sourpuss on, sista. Look like you eat trees to your hearts content. I’m just telling you that from where I’m sitting, if I see you and you see me and you don’t smile in my general direction like EVER, there is no way in Hell I’m going to test those waters out. If you smile at me, you’ve upped the likelihood I’m coming your way by at least 63 percent. Granted, I get why women ain’t smiling all day. Hell I’m not. And you don’t want to invite in Jerome from Martin. It’s a tricky dance. Ladies, I get it. I’ve seen some TERRIBLE situations occur. Hey, we’re all just trying to make it.

2. Some type of…bait

Sometime ago, via IG, a young lady I was curious about laid out THE perfect bait for me. I flubbed it. Totally flubbed it. In fact, I fumbled so hard that when I told my homegirl about t she punched me in the arm. She was like, dude, how the hell did you mess THAT up?!? I don’t know, dog. I don’t know. Well I know why but still…point is, she put the ball in my court in such a way that all I needed was a layup to win the game. On a 6 foot hoop. And I wish I could tell you what it was…but I can’t. And I know that’s f*cked up.

Oh, I can tell you this one tho! This happened via Twitter: I was on there talking about as a Gemini how much I love Aquarians (we’re supposed to be a great match and what not…its proven true thus far) and a young lady hit me with the: “I’m an Aquarius…wanna test that theory?”

Bait.

Remember these are things we’re looking for…like our optimal situations.

3. Active responses

Have you ever had a conversation with somebody and it just stops. Like the other person doesn’t get the concept of a dialogue? Yeah, those let me know that its a no go (obviously this is when somehow, we’ve started speaking). But, every so often you get somebody who lets you know, that you may continue the convo by the social cues they give you. Here’s how I met a woman one time. I was at a bar eating some food and she saw it and wanted to know what it was. Simple friendly question swag gangsta clique. Well, I told her and made some joke about the food. Well, she immediately fired back with one of her own. We zinged. We then talked for an hour and a half after that.

Those are three things that I can tell you most guys look for when attempting to discern if they should try to exchange info and progress a situation. Granted, as a guy, you do have to take a chance most of the time. You will win some. You will lose some. But you live to try again. But hey, we all (men and women) want as much positive info as possible when determining if we’re going to deal with somebody right? Bong bong.

So fellas, what are other signs you look for? And ladies, what signs do you think you give off that should let a dude know that you’re interested?

-VSB P aka MR. HELLO IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR  aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

The Theory About Lists, Growth, and Love Over Time

Theory-RealityI’ve got a theory I want to drop off on you cool cats. It’s a theory draped in the narrative of…of…hmm…gender-specific mating-centric relationshipism. While they say that proper planning prevents poor performance, Little Richard taught us that a wop bob a loo bop a wop bam boom. Same thing really.

Back to this theory about this narrative. What I’m about to posit will largely engender stereotypes and generalizations. While some of you may not appreciate or enjoy generalizations, I’m going to need you to clap along like you’re in a room without a roof. Be happy, people. Be happy.

I’m of the belief that most women do at some point craft some sort of list of desirable attributes in a mate. You know, the whole “man in her head” syndrome. The guy she dreams will ride in on his white (or racially ambiguous) horse…do animals have races? Maybe not races, I mean we know that animals have races (Man vs. Beast did happen after all) but I mean like races, you know animal social constructs based upon superficial characteristics and such. Like, you know how you should behold the pale horse? Is there a black horse we should behold to?

Consider my mind blown.

Back to this white (ugh, racist) horse that I think women are waiting for Prince Charming or Charmandejuan to ride on with his job, home, perfect teeth, nice body, ability to read, without children, with a savings account with actual savings, who is compassionate, empathetic, affectionate, hung like a horse (again, non-race specific), who not only washes dishes but WANTS to wash the dishes, rubs feet, goes to church, listens to only non-misogynistic hip-hop and/or gospel, 6’5″, etc. Basically, a list of the best qualities one can have and all that jazz. This is what I presume most women have. It might not look like this, and his name may not be Charming or Charmandejuan. Maybe its Bob. Or Siraaj. Or YOLO.

Well, did you know that us men have lists too? There a wee bit shorter. Especially when we’re younger.

Man List: hot. Read? Bonus. Cook? Bonus. Degree? Eh…bonus-ish.

Point is, in our youth, our lists look remarkably different. Here’s where my theory begins to rear its head.

Panama Theorem 2.5: As we get older, women start to remove things from their list and men start to add things to their list.

Removing things from your list isn’t settling, especially if the list is unreasonable to begin wtih. It’s more keeping in line with what actually matters in life and what’s truly important. So at some point, he need not be 6’5″ though it’s still preferred, but those list start to shrink, if not disappear altogether the older you get to the point of, “he made me an eggo, this morning, I’m in love.”

On the flipside, I’ve noticed that while in my youth all conversations pretty much started and ended with “is she hot?” (actually they still all start this way), the things that used to not be explicitly important like good person, fun, good conversationalist, nice, etc started to become more and more important. Now, you might look at that and and say, you basically want a balanced, well-rounded person, and you’d be right.

Now, the key to finding that person for you is that both of those “lists” (really just the things that matter to you most, like God, peanut butter, and Hall & Oates) to align. You happen to meet somebody who has those qualities you’ve reasonabled your list down to as a woman and improved your list up to as a man and #wallahmagic you may have found you a mate.

Of course, this ignores the efelant in the room of “you must find said person attractive” though read the fine print. They don’t have to be attractive, you just have to find them attractive. Which makes them attractive. Remember that horse thing?

Mind blown again.

Or more poetically, didn’t I blow your mind this time, didn’t I? Sing it like a Delfonic. What the f*ck is a Delfonic? You know aside from a member of the group. I do know that if you have more than one Delfonic, you have Delfonics. Fight me.

I just used 700 words to say this:

As we get older, men add things to their “list” of important characteristics and women remove things from their “list of important” characteristics. But along the way I blew your mind twice and mentioned the Delfonics. I won.

So, what say you? Is this theory off base? Does it have merit? Have you done this? I have. I saw the signs.

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. SOLO DELFONIC, I MEAN, IF IT WAS LIKE THE 70S AND ALL WHICH ITS TOTALLY NOT aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL  HE A 3

She Just Needs To Kiss More Frogs

[Admin Note: Today I'm handing the dais off to the home, S. Malik Husser. He wrote here once before and was a host with me on the now defunct Blaqout radio show on Blis.fm. Please welcome the homey to the podium. Be kind. Play nice. - PJ]

kissing-frogsI write this for the guy who wasn’t the star athlete in high school.  Who was class president in college, instead of the popular frat guy.  This is for the very smart brother who isn’t seen as the cool kid, but definitely cool in his own right.  

(PJ Edit: I happen to know Mr. Husser really well. He was both the class president and in a frat. I’m not saying, but I’m saying. I’d also wager that the class president is likely a very popular person. That’s just me speaking though. Malik, I’m looking at you.)

Just an all around great guy who likes a girl, but she’s just not that into you.  Matter of fact, she doesn’t even know you exist.  Why? Because you aren’t the shiny new object in the club, spraying champagne, with the latest (place name brand here) belt or hat, which could potentially be fake, because, well, bootlegging is real out here.  Or because you choose to invest your money into actual assets instead of financial liabilities, like high-end cars, aimless nights partying, or people that you won’t remember next week.

(PJ Edit: I’ve never attempted to spray champagne on anybody in the club. It seems like a great idea for a video but a terrible idea in practice. Ain’t no woman who isn’t being paid to be there who is going to take too well to getting sprayed. Plus, there’s no coming back from that. You’d have a problem on  your hands that even Olivia Pope couldn’t fix.More  plusses, have you seen champagne prices at clubs? Real talk, in DC at this club called Opera, there is a $75,000 methuselah bottle of Ace of Spades on the menu. NOBODY CAN DRINK THAT. But for $75K, we are gonna try like Frank Ocean does.)

Here’s the thing, she’s not into you, because she can’t see you. And the reason she can’t see you is because all she can see is green…frogs that is. (yeah, there was a double meaning there).

However, even though that’s the case, she’s still beautiful.  She’s still sexy…and from afar, she’s inconceivably witty.  She’s always laughing, and it seems like she’s always having a good time with all the cool kids, at the coolest parties.  Crazy thing is, you are there too, at the same events and same places.  But like in high school, her clique doesn’t recognize you, UNLESS you are IN their clique.

(PJ Edit: The best way to counter this is to walk around singing, “ain’t nobody f*cking with my clique, clique, clique, clique, clique…” as this will make people immediately attempt to observe your clique.)

Regardless, she still holds your attention.  No matter how many times you see her out with a different man about town, you still see her as YOUR Elizabeth Taylor.   Unimagined beauty, that’s timeless.  You can’t take your eyes off of her.  You’ve even made eye contact once…well, you thought you did.  

Still you hold on to hope.

(PJ Edit: This is that Obama stuff. Meanwhile, I’m going on three days of being temporarily fired. Hope deez.)

As you should.

Because in truth, this is her journey, and if you really want her to SEE you, she has to have these experiences. However, you too must walk your own road.  So what you don’t fit into her world.  You are building your own universe.  So what she isn’t paying you any attention, now. It’s not until she’s kissed enough frogs that she will ever realize it.

If all she knows are frogs, how are you to expect her to recognize a prince?  You can’t very well walk around wearing a crown and then tell her fix her hair in its reflection.  After all, you aren’t Jay Z (no hyphen).

Let her continue upon her path.  Jumping from lily pad, to lily pad, living the pond life.  After a while, she’ll be exhausted from all of the aimless jumping.  And when she’s looking for a reprieve, she’ll notice that there’s a bridge over her moat that leads to a very immaculate structure. 

It is then when you’ll find out first hand whether she is your princess.  Whether she is actually more than the life of the party….or was she just the party.  Her beauty is still inextricably in tact, but come to think of it, Elizabeth Taylor was married 8 times. (Who was number 8??  Geez..)

So, I say to you my fellow unassuming, charming geek that the prom queen never notices.  Let time take its course.  And allow her frog kissing to commence.  In the meantime, walk your journey and watch your path unfold.  In the end, if it’s time she needs to earn the lenses to see your beauty, than time she should have.  It’s her decision how she ends up. 

(PJ Edit: Let’s keep it 100. We outchea kissing frogs too. Some of us are kissing actual frogs. I see WSHH.)

And based on this theory…..Rihanna still has time to finally SEE me one day.

So what say you? Good advice? Bad advice?

-S. Malik Husser

The Surreality, Hypocrisy, And Futility Of The “Serious” Internet Argument

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There is a strange type of popularity that comes with being a well-known blogger. It’s almost surreal. While a (very, very, very, very small) percentage of the general population is very familiar with you and your work, an even larger percentage isn’t even aware that the medium you derive your popularity from exists.

You can be an obscure author, comedian, or rapper with a small but very passionate and very engaged fanbase. What separates blogging is that even if most people haven’t heard of that particular author, comedian, or rapper, they’ve at least heard of books, comedy, and rap music.

Let me put it this way: I’m sure many of you reading this have, within the last couple of years, had explain to someone what a “blog” was. If not, you were probably the person someone explained “blogging” to.

I’m not complaining, mind you. This surreal strain of “fame” is just a reminder that the internet world, while limitless, is very small—and very exclusive—and that helps keep things in perspective.

That said, when it comes to internet-based arguments and debates, this perspective tends to get lost pretty frequently by many people…including me.

To wit, Panama and I had a 1500 word long discussion last week about street harassment that led to over 800 comments. This discussion was prompted by a burgeoning national conversation about street harassment that doesn’t seem to be losing any steam.

But, I doubt the men who are online all day pushing back against the anti-street harassment movement are actually the ones on the street catcalling women. I’m also sure that the women arguing with these men are aware of that. What you end up having is an impassioned internet argument that doesn’t really serve any lasting purpose besides teaching people how to win or lose an impassioned internet argument.

You also see this whenever any internet conversation about dating starts to get heated. Despite the fact that many (if not most) people offline seem to have had good relationships and generally feel good about their relationship future, online the dating world turns into World War Z. I had a friend tell me a few years ago that she didn’t even know she was supposed to feel bad about being single until she got on the internet.

And please, don’t let the topic be interracial dating. Aside from Rick Santorum and Black barbers with bad haircuts, no one offline gives a damn about who you date. Online, though, you’ll find Black men who’ve had nothing but positive interactions with Black women offline referring to Black women as hoodrat bedwenches, and Black women who, despite the fact that they have Black fathers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, nephews, and friends they love and Black sons they’ve produced, consider Black males to be the bane of all existence.

Now, although these internet arguments don’t have much of a direct effect on or connection to what happens offline, they’re not completely purposeless. I was aware that some men catcall and randomly proposition women on the street, but I never thought to consider how dehumanizing it could be and how unsafe it could make women feel until reading a few pieces about it.

Also, I’m aware that I’ve led a (relatively) “easy” life so far, and these serious internet arguments—as hyperbolic as they can get—tend to increase certain awarenesses for people like me. Maybe things aren’t as bad as the internet would tell it, but extremes help reiterate the fact that different people have had different experiences, and these different experiences create different ways of viewing the world.

Still, the next time you find yourself in the middle of a heated internet debate about a topic that only 0.000000001% of the population would even consider discussing, do me a favor. Log off, take a walk, tell the first person you see in the street about the nasty argument you had in the comments section of VSB about passport stamps, and study their face when they ask you who and what the f*ck you’re talking about.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

4 Totally Normal Things That People Do That You Probably Shouldn’t Tell People That You’re Doing

ikeWhile denial is both a river in Egypt and the name of a Black child in Louisville, KY, it is often the most important part of maintaining peace in any relationship. Not that I think anybody should be outright lying to their boo, boothang, or concubine, but the truth is that the devil is a lie, the present is a gift, and I just wanna be.

Really, none of that made any sense.

So let’s shift things a bit. Technology is a motherlover. It’s turned an entire world of omitted statements into GPS-guided poppycock. You can’t say you were one place, then use any type of social media anymore. The hawks are out. They’re looking at tablecloths and flowerbeds in the background. The thing is…UNLESS you get caught red-handed doing something you just weren’t supposed to be doing, folks can’t just tell you that they’re cyber-stalking your life even thought we ALL know that’s what happens. Which puts it square at number 1 on the list of things that everybody is doing and we all know folks are doing but you can’t go telling people that you just did it.

1. Social media stalking

Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Vine. Etcetea etcetera. Que sera sera. If you’re dating somebody and they have ANY form of social media and they don’t call when they say they will or for some reason ain’t available when you want them to be, there’s a really – like better than 99 percent – good chance that you’re heading to check out their footprint. And who can blame you. It’s public information right? I’ve been accused of something because of an IG post that was over a year old before. Thing is…it still sounds crazy when you realize that you’re pulling up a Twitter account to put somebody on blast. Just duly note that sh*t and keep it to yourself until you have a really good reason to drop the bizzombnayee.

2. Watch pr0n

As prevalent as pr0n is nowadays it’s entirely possible that you’re watching it right now and don’t even know it. Thing is, there are two communities of pr0n watchers: those who are unapologetically watching, commenting on message boards, and having deep debates about “deep” debates with actual pr0n star names. Then there’s the other group…folks who look at it but pretend like they don’t, even though nobody is going to judge you for doing so. Unless you’re like uber religious or something in which case you probably should keep that to yourself. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if you feel some kind of way about telling your mother what you’re doing, just keep that sh*t to yourself.

3. Be a fan of and attend Rick Ross concerts when you’re a pastor

So this is a thing.

Here’s the thing, folks of the cloth, I can understand liking certain musics in the comforts of your own home. Especially when you’re 26. However, Rick Ross is one unsavory ass character. You can’t be outchea in these streets supporting unsavory ass characters by going to their concerts. THEN when the hiring folks have had to tell you BEFORE to cut that sh*t out…well you just might get fired. Stop that sh*t. Just listen in the car or at home when no parishioners are there. Concerts? Off limits, Pastor.

4. Like Pitbull

Let me tell y’all something: Pitbull got hits. So does Flo-Rida. So does Ike. And the Ike Turner IG memes? Can you say totes hilar? Pitbull could be substituted for Miley Cyrus, herpes, Samsungs, Kardashians, or R. Kelly. There are so many entertainers and nouns that truly are enjoyable but could cause somebody to glare at you with a sideways. By the way, if you are really happy about your herpes, you definitely should keep that to yourself. And stay off horses.

So randomly, what else are some completely normal things that people do but you shouldn’t really tell other people. Let’s kick off this end of Summer with some fun then get to some interestingness.

AND HOW WAS YOUR LABOR DAY?!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3