Tag Archives: condoms

Why Being A Single Man Is Kind Of Overrated

Posted on by
879

 

Pic only chosen because I thought it was funny that this image was the first thing to pop up when googling "single black man"

While most will probably remember 2012 as the “Year Of The YOLO” (and by “most” I mean “like seven people“), it holds special significance for me because it’ll likely be the first year since 2002 where I spent the entire year single. I haven’t completed a full calender year yet — May will make it seven months since the former Lady Champ and I decided to go our separate ways — but because I seem to enjoy doing random anthropological experiments on myself for absolutely no reason (and because I’m an INTJ and INTJs apparently suck at relationships), I’m confident that I’ll make it to 2013 without having to change my Facebook relationship status again.

Anyway, if I could sum up my seven months of singledom in one word, it would most likely be “interesting.” I’ve met some “interesting” people, done some “interesting” things, made some “interesting” decisions, and, most importantly, thought some “interesting” thoughts. The most “interesting” of these “interesting” thoughts? Being a single man is kind of overrated.

Now, as I stated on the day where I wrote about orgasms, “overrated” doesn’t mean “bad.” In fact, as the careers of Tupac and Derrick Rose continue to prove, something can be very, very good — even great — and still be overrated. I’ve enjoyed being single, and will likely continue to enjoy it. But, while it seems like many assume that being a single man (a single Black man, at that) is nothing but an utopic stream of easy popsicles, cold pancakes, and syrupy p*ssy, there are a few downsides.

1. It can be very lonely

As a person who wanted to be single, is a natural introvert, and generally enjoys doing things by himself, I’m surprised by how, for lack of a better term, “noticeable” the solitude and loneliness of singledom can be. Even when seeing multiple people and/or having tons of friends, being single means that you are…single, by yourself, and there may be times when you want to have someone around but there will be no one that you want to be around readily available to be around.

Then, to add insult to injury, if you’re an angsty motherf*cker like me, you’ll start thinking things like “Wait. I’m a single man. A single Black man. My dad named me after Dolemite. Shaka Zulu is my second cousin. People who’ve never even met me call me “Champ” for chrissakes. Why the f*ck do I feel lonely right now?” which’ll make it even worse.

2. You have to wear condoms. And, wearing condoms sucks

If you’re one of the 137 people left on Earth who always has protected sex — even if in a long-term, monogamous relationship — just skip this section and move on to #3. Also, I’ve left a plate of gotdamn sugar cookies at the end of this post as a reward for your duty. Please eat them with a gotdamn smile.

If you’re not one of these people, you should be able to relate to how frustrating it’s been to go from condom-less sex to having to worry about having gotdamn condoms all the damn time. And, even if you’re not actively having sex, “Do I have condoms?” and “Since I don’t have condoms, is there somewhere close where I can buy them?” always has to be on your mind.

Also, from a logistical perspective, they’re a hassle to put on, they smell like a pack of slutty balloons, and “sex with condoms” will always be the Mike Conley of coitus.

There is always the alternative — just don’t wear condoms while single, either — but I think one Cromartie per generation is enough.

(Btw, is it just me, or has the price of condoms spiked dramatically in the past four years? I was last single in 2008, and I don’t remember a box of condoms costing as much as it does to fill a gas tank. Does this qualify as a “first world problem?” If a Black blogger bitches about condoms in the woods, would Kanye’s missing draws make a sound?) 

As much as condoms suck, they don’t suck as much as…

3. Having to participate in the dating game

In a paradox so annoying that I almost didn’t mention it today because I plan on spending an entire day on this sole topic soon, I love meeting new, interesting women but I hate the process that usually goes along with meeting new, interesting women.

I understand (and appreciate) the purpose of the process, but knowing why it’s necessary doesn’t mean that you have to enjoy it.

4. The superficial romantic connections synonymous with singledom gets old

Ironically, the best thing about being a single man — possessing the ability to have myriad short, commitment-free relationships AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!! — ends up being one of the worst after enough time has passed.

This actually hasn’t happened to me yet. I guess I’m still in the single honeymoon phrase. But, I’m certain it will, and the thought of this happening is already depressing me.

Actually, this entire list is getting depressing. ***Making note to self to make sure tomorrow’s post is about the playoffs or strippers or something***

5. You start to realize some, um, “unpositive” things about yourself

I’ve been in three long-term — “long term” = “monogamous relationship lasting at least a year” — relationships as an adult. Each of these relationships failed, and my wanting to be single was the main catalyst behind each of these failures. Now, because I’ve always been a guy who did all the “right on paper” relationship things — I’ve never cheated, never physically or verbally abused any girlfriends, always followed the chivalry handbooks, etc — I’ve always assumed that I’m good at being a partner. But, these last few months have made me realize that I have some real deficiencies in the relationship department — personality quirks that have subtly sabotaged each relationship I’ve been in.

I wouldn’t quite call myself a trojan horse — the sabotage isn’t intentional (at least it’s not consciously intentional) — but I’m just not very good at this relationship thing right now, and I intend to spend the rest of 2012 trying to figure out why.

That’s it for me today. Fellas — single or coupled up — how do you feel about the concept of singledom? Is it all the beer commercials make it out to be, or do you agree that it may be slightly overrated? Also, ladies, are the “single man problems” expressed today at all similar to any “single woman problems?”

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Double Up: Five Really Cool Reasons To Wear A Condom

Posted on by
240

See how cute they look? They're precious and sh*t.

Something dawned on me while reading the comments to yesterday’s post. Wearing some sort of protection while having sex has always been sold as the right and the smart and the healthy thing to do, and this pitch is usually accompanied with all the horrible things that can possibly happen to you — STDs, pregnancy, pulled pork vaginas, etc — to scare people into doing it. And, while fear is definitely a great motivator (perhaps our greatest motivator), how fun is it do to something just because you’re worried about what would happen if you didn’t? (At this point, feel free to insert whatever analogy you want to about religion.)

No object better embodies this feeling than the condom, which is either thought of as (at best) a necessarily evil or (at worst) just plain motherf*cking evil. With this in mind, I decided to devote today to a few cool reasons for guys to strap up.

1. Less sensitivity = Longer sessions

No one will argue that sex with a condom feels better than condom-less sex, but you could make the argument that wearing a condom can actually produce better sex. I’d estimate that wearing one increases your PPS count (PPS = Pumps Per Session) count by 30%. Basically, if you’re a guy who can typically give 40-60 good pumps before succumbing to the vagina monster, with a condom that number jumps to 52-78 pumps. That little jump right there can be the difference between a woman wanting to cuddle and talk and sh*t to you afterwards and her catching a case of PBBSN (PBBSN = Post-Back Breaking Sudden Narcolepsy) and just falling the hell out.

2. It’s much easier to fake it

Sh*t happens sometimes.

3. No clean up

Easily the worst part of sex, the always messy, always sticky post-coital clean up is — according to the Mormons — God’s way of shaming us for not ejaculating inside of a woman. Now, was that last sentence actually true? Who knows and who cares? I do know, though, that if you don’t have enough game to convince her to perform the neatest option (swallowing), a condom is the next best choice.

4. Worry-less sex

While raw sex is great, you can never allow yourself to fully commit mentally because, from “I hope I pull out in time” to “Wait, did I pull out in time?” you have too much else on your mind. Condoms allow you to go full sexual retard.

5. Buying them makes you feel like a grown-ass man

Along with paying your bills, buying produce, and checking Facebook and seeing that your high school prom date has just welcomed her second grandchild, walking in a store and buying condoms is one of those tasks that just makes you feel like a grown-ass man. Also, for those who feel a little awkward about the look the cashier might give you when you’re at the register, just remember that you’re basically announcing “Yup, dry-d*ck motherf*ckers, I’m about to get some. How do you like those apples?” to everybody in line.

Anyway, that’s it for me today. People of VSB, condoms need some better PR, so can you think of any other really cool reasons why we should wear them?

—The Champ

Indoor Baby Pool

Posted on by
188

It’s a good thing that ninjas don’t read.

And do you know why? Of course you don’t. Here’s why: according to a study conducted by a professor at the State University of New York at Albany, women who have unprotected sex are less depressed and less likely to commit suicide than those women who have protected sex. It would seem that man’s happy juice actually…

…makes you feel better.

Who knew that after all those years of trying to convince women that it was good for your hair, skin, and nails every time we “missed”, that the truth is it really IS helpful to your life. Intro had it right. Give a chick a little Rawdog Hanglow and Frosting and you just might save her life. How about that?

The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful—and potentially addictive—mood-altering chemicals.

Can you imagine the game that these young boys might be running on their chicky counterparts with this type of knowledge? Even further, how many women upon reading that information really considered it like, “I haven’t been in the best moods lately, perhaps I just need some of that long schlong and sauce combo.”

It’s interesting, no? And it does open a whole barrage of questions and ponderances. Face it, there are a lot of women out there who don’t seem happy that most of us think need some stroking anyway. So imagine if they got the daddy stroke and the children’s pool? They might become the happiest women on Earth. Hell we might be able to singlehandedly save relationships this way. Keep a chick happy, or at least away from being depressed, and she won’t be a raging maniac. No stereotypes.

I wonder if any men, in all seriousness, would notice that their girlfriends were going through “something” and suggest this as a means of possibly making them feel better. I wonder if any woman would actually go for this. Which brings up another interesting question: who’s more likely to suggest going raw, men or women?

I bring that up because I’m sure it depends on who you ask. Women are going to say that men are always trying to get in the pool with no life preserver, but I know plenty of women who are anti-condoms and will think its okay to go raw as long as you trust the person you’re with. I’ve also heard the words from a woman, “it’s okay if you don’t have a jimi, I’m on the pill. We’re fine.” I can’t imagine too many people fessing up to that one but I’m really curious as to who’s most likely to suggest it.

As you can see, I really just wanted to post this article up and get people’s reaction to it. I mean we all know that fellatio makes women feel better about themselves but this new – legit – study adds a whole new dimension to the debate. Not that I expect women everywhere to decide to run raw, especially given today’s cesspool environment and the potential STD cocktail awaiting many unsuspecting victims.

But I ask of you, VSBers, would you consider having unprotected sexxy time if you knew it would keep you from being depressed, or let’s even see, we knew scientifically that it would make you feel better? Men would you be okay with that? Or would you agree to do such a thing? Like is this one of those things where you only agree to do it so long as all the proper tests have been administered and the chick on birth control? Say she wasn’t on the BC but you KNEW it would effectively get her out of the funk she’s been in for the past two months? Ladies, would you do it? Fellas, would you be up for it?

This is a curious topic because, it’s just so odd. Good people of VSB, what say you?

-VSB P aka DR. pSCIENCE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

five completely selfish reasons why i’ve never cheated

Posted on by
314

kanye_shrug1

although i’ve always suspected that i live in a bit of a vacuum, the conversations i’ve had, heard, and read over the past couple of weeks have basically confirmed this. apparently infidelity is the new 30, and my lack of experience in this arena apparently either means that i’m hopelessly behind the cheating curve (the preferred option) or so undesirable that both me and the equally undesirable women i’ve chosen to be with exist in cheat-free alternate universes (the, ummm, unpreferred option)

thing is, even if you disregard the “cheating is wrong and sh*t” thought, the idea of cheating has never even really been a relevant issue for me, for five completely separate and somewhat selfish reasons. Continue reading →

Link of The Week: Sleeping Bags

Posted on by
314

**Admin. Note: You know what it is. Vote. Again. **

So via Wise Diva by way of Liz, I received an email that I found to be of the utmost interest-ance.

It was a link to an NPR audio essay entitled: S*x Without C*nd*ms Is The New Engagement Ring.

I think you can see where this is going. To wit:

Thursday, as part of Day to Day‘s series “What’s the New What,” Pendarvis Harshaw, a teen who grew up in Oakland offers his own provocative take on the California relationship dream. “Sex without [sleeping bags] is the new engagement ring,” he suggested in an on-air essay. Among his friends and acquaintances, ditching the [sleeping bags] for other forms of birth control like the pill, signifies taking monogamy to a new level; partners are required to trust each other completely at the risk of getting an STD. Given that few of his friends in their late teens are thinking much about marriage, this transforms a prophylactic into a relationship sign-post along the lines of an engagement ring.

If you can you really must listen to the audio essay but the gist is covered in that blurb. It’s the type of stuff that a teen would say. Definitively. Hell, I’m sure when I was a teen I said something along the lines of, “girl, we don’t need those condoms, we got love! I trust you and you trust me, so let’s trust one another and let nature be what it was supposed to be. After we’re done making possibly the dumbest decision of our lives let’s watch cartoons and talk about deep stuff like The Hills Run’s House Baldwin Hills communism.”

Interesting enough, in his essay, he alludes to the fact that these kids are highly informed of the potential dangers of STD’s and HIV, in particular, which is why the decision to go wrap-less is such an indicator of trust and commitment. Talk about an enigmatic ironic paradox. One individual even went so far as to say that, “having relations with no condom is like saying, ‘i love you’ without actually saying it.”

Forgive me father for I know not what I do (that’s not actually true), but I must quote Lil’ Wayne here:

“Safe sex is great sex
Better wear a latex
Cuz you dont want that late text
that “I think I’m late” text”

-”Lollipop (Remix)”

But somehow, in teenage logic, it makes sense that going raw, better yet, premeditatedly going raw is the same as offering up the supreme level of commitment. Teenage thought patters can definitely be shortsighted. Especially considering how none of these youngin’s have any desires for matrimony or the things that happen when you go raw children.

Of course, the comments on said post have been off the chizzain – you should check them out. Quite a few people think this is the most ignant thing they’ve ever heard in life. Can’t say i disagree though when taking it context the reasoning becomes quite clear and simple:

Lack of good parenting.

But perhaps I’m being shortsighted and his rationale makes sense to some people out there. Some people think it’s not ignant at all and, dare I say, makes sense.  Consequently, I’d never leave these people with my children.

Good people of the VSB Bloggerhood, what say thee? Is this just another misguided youth from the streets that bore Stanley Burrell? Or is it possible that this young man is on to something and perhaps wise beyond his years?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST