Tag Archives: condoms

Double Up: Five Really Cool Reasons To Wear A Condom

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See how cute they look? They're precious and sh*t.

Something dawned on me while reading the comments to yesterday’s post. Wearing some sort of protection while having sex has always been sold as the right and the smart and the healthy thing to do, and this pitch is usually accompanied with all the horrible things that can possibly happen to you — STDs, pregnancy, pulled pork vaginas, etc — to scare people into doing it. And, while fear is definitely a great motivator (perhaps our greatest motivator), how fun is it do to something just because you’re worried about what would happen if you didn’t? (At this point, feel free to insert whatever analogy you want to about religion.)

No object better embodies this feeling than the condom, which is either thought of as (at best) a necessarily evil or (at worst) just plain motherf*cking evil. With this in mind, I decided to devote today to a few cool reasons for guys to strap up.

1. Less sensitivity = Longer sessions

No one will argue that sex with a condom feels better than condom-less sex, but you could make the argument that wearing a condom can actually produce better sex. I’d estimate that wearing one increases your PPS count (PPS = Pumps Per Session) count by 30%. Basically, if you’re a guy who can typically give 40-60 good pumps before succumbing to the vagina monster, with a condom that number jumps to 52-78 pumps. That little jump right there can be the difference between a woman wanting to cuddle and talk and sh*t to you afterwards and her catching a case of PBBSN (PBBSN = Post-Back Breaking Sudden Narcolepsy) and just falling the hell out.

2. It’s much easier to fake it

Sh*t happens sometimes.

3. No clean up

Easily the worst part of sex, the always messy, always sticky post-coital clean up is — according to the Mormons — God’s way of shaming us for not ejaculating inside of a woman. Now, was that last sentence actually true? Who knows and who cares? I do know, though, that if you don’t have enough game to convince her to perform the neatest option (swallowing), a condom is the next best choice.

4. Worry-less sex

While raw sex is great, you can never allow yourself to fully commit mentally because, from “I hope I pull out in time” to “Wait, did I pull out in time?” you have too much else on your mind. Condoms allow you to go full sexual retard.

5. Buying them makes you feel like a grown-ass man

Along with paying your bills, buying produce, and checking Facebook and seeing that your high school prom date has just welcomed her second grandchild, walking in a store and buying condoms is one of those tasks that just makes you feel like a grown-ass man. Also, for those who feel a little awkward about the look the cashier might give you when you’re at the register, just remember that you’re basically announcing “Yup, dry-d*ck motherf*ckers, I’m about to get some. How do you like those apples?” to everybody in line.

Anyway, that’s it for me today. People of VSB, condoms need some better PR, so can you think of any other really cool reasons why we should wear them?

—The Champ

Indoor Baby Pool

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It’s a good thing that ninjas don’t read.

And do you know why? Of course you don’t. Here’s why: according to a study conducted by a professor at the State University of New York at Albany, women who have unprotected sex are less depressed and less likely to commit suicide than those women who have protected sex. It would seem that man’s happy juice actually…

…makes you feel better.

Who knew that after all those years of trying to convince women that it was good for your hair, skin, and nails every time we “missed”, that the truth is it really IS helpful to your life. Intro had it right. Give a chick a little Rawdog Hanglow and Frosting and you just might save her life. How about that?

The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful—and potentially addictive—mood-altering chemicals.

Can you imagine the game that these young boys might be running on their chicky counterparts with this type of knowledge? Even further, how many women upon reading that information really considered it like, “I haven’t been in the best moods lately, perhaps I just need some of that long schlong and sauce combo.”

It’s interesting, no? And it does open a whole barrage of questions and ponderances. Face it, there are a lot of women out there who don’t seem happy that most of us think need some stroking anyway. So imagine if they got the daddy stroke and the children’s pool? They might become the happiest women on Earth. Hell we might be able to singlehandedly save relationships this way. Keep a chick happy, or at least away from being depressed, and she won’t be a raging maniac. No stereotypes.

I wonder if any men, in all seriousness, would notice that their girlfriends were going through “something” and suggest this as a means of possibly making them feel better. I wonder if any woman would actually go for this. Which brings up another interesting question: who’s more likely to suggest going raw, men or women?

I bring that up because I’m sure it depends on who you ask. Women are going to say that men are always trying to get in the pool with no life preserver, but I know plenty of women who are anti-condoms and will think its okay to go raw as long as you trust the person you’re with. I’ve also heard the words from a woman, “it’s okay if you don’t have a jimi, I’m on the pill. We’re fine.” I can’t imagine too many people fessing up to that one but I’m really curious as to who’s most likely to suggest it.

As you can see, I really just wanted to post this article up and get people’s reaction to it. I mean we all know that fellatio makes women feel better about themselves but this new – legit – study adds a whole new dimension to the debate. Not that I expect women everywhere to decide to run raw, especially given today’s cesspool environment and the potential STD cocktail awaiting many unsuspecting victims.

But I ask of you, VSBers, would you consider having unprotected sexxy time if you knew it would keep you from being depressed, or let’s even see, we knew scientifically that it would make you feel better? Men would you be okay with that? Or would you agree to do such a thing? Like is this one of those things where you only agree to do it so long as all the proper tests have been administered and the chick on birth control? Say she wasn’t on the BC but you KNEW it would effectively get her out of the funk she’s been in for the past two months? Ladies, would you do it? Fellas, would you be up for it?

This is a curious topic because, it’s just so odd. Good people of VSB, what say you?

-VSB P aka DR. pSCIENCE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

five completely selfish reasons why i’ve never cheated

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kanye_shrug1

although i’ve always suspected that i live in a bit of a vacuum, the conversations i’ve had, heard, and read over the past couple of weeks have basically confirmed this. apparently infidelity is the new 30, and my lack of experience in this arena apparently either means that i’m hopelessly behind the cheating curve (the preferred option) or so undesirable that both me and the equally undesirable women i’ve chosen to be with exist in cheat-free alternate universes (the, ummm, unpreferred option)

thing is, even if you disregard the “cheating is wrong and sh*t” thought, the idea of cheating has never even really been a relevant issue for me, for five completely separate and somewhat selfish reasons. Continue reading →

Link of The Week: Sleeping Bags

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**Admin. Note: You know what it is. Vote. Again. **

So via Wise Diva by way of Liz, I received an email that I found to be of the utmost interest-ance.

It was a link to an NPR audio essay entitled: S*x Without C*nd*ms Is The New Engagement Ring.

I think you can see where this is going. To wit:

Thursday, as part of Day to Day‘s series “What’s the New What,” Pendarvis Harshaw, a teen who grew up in Oakland offers his own provocative take on the California relationship dream. “Sex without [sleeping bags] is the new engagement ring,” he suggested in an on-air essay. Among his friends and acquaintances, ditching the [sleeping bags] for other forms of birth control like the pill, signifies taking monogamy to a new level; partners are required to trust each other completely at the risk of getting an STD. Given that few of his friends in their late teens are thinking much about marriage, this transforms a prophylactic into a relationship sign-post along the lines of an engagement ring.

If you can you really must listen to the audio essay but the gist is covered in that blurb. It’s the type of stuff that a teen would say. Definitively. Hell, I’m sure when I was a teen I said something along the lines of, “girl, we don’t need those condoms, we got love! I trust you and you trust me, so let’s trust one another and let nature be what it was supposed to be. After we’re done making possibly the dumbest decision of our lives let’s watch cartoons and talk about deep stuff like The Hills Run’s House Baldwin Hills communism.”

Interesting enough, in his essay, he alludes to the fact that these kids are highly informed of the potential dangers of STD’s and HIV, in particular, which is why the decision to go wrap-less is such an indicator of trust and commitment. Talk about an enigmatic ironic paradox. One individual even went so far as to say that, “having relations with no condom is like saying, ‘i love you’ without actually saying it.”

Forgive me father for I know not what I do (that’s not actually true), but I must quote Lil’ Wayne here:

“Safe sex is great sex
Better wear a latex
Cuz you dont want that late text
that “I think I’m late” text”

-”Lollipop (Remix)”

But somehow, in teenage logic, it makes sense that going raw, better yet, premeditatedly going raw is the same as offering up the supreme level of commitment. Teenage thought patters can definitely be shortsighted. Especially considering how none of these youngin’s have any desires for matrimony or the things that happen when you go raw children.

Of course, the comments on said post have been off the chizzain – you should check them out. Quite a few people think this is the most ignant thing they’ve ever heard in life. Can’t say i disagree though when taking it context the reasoning becomes quite clear and simple:

Lack of good parenting.

But perhaps I’m being shortsighted and his rationale makes sense to some people out there. Some people think it’s not ignant at all and, dare I say, makes sense.  Consequently, I’d never leave these people with my children.

Good people of the VSB Bloggerhood, what say thee? Is this just another misguided youth from the streets that bore Stanley Burrell? Or is it possible that this young man is on to something and perhaps wise beyond his years?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST