Don Lemon To Black Community: “F*ck With Me You Know I Got It”

I'd call him my nword but then it would turn into a thing. I hate things.

I’d call him my nword but then it would turn into a thing. I hate things. Plus he’s not really my nword.

“…it’s like these people have a racial commitment to crime…” ~ Danny Vinyard, American History X

That line always struck me as preposterously poetic, sinister, and eloquent at the same damn time. The sad part of it all is that while Danny Vinyard (played by Edward Norton) was a member of a white supremacist group and clearly prone to that line of thinking as a sort of party line when speaking of Black people, I wouldn’t be surprised if the standard, common, Joe Blow American doesn’t feel some type of familiarity with the sentiment involved. Perhaps its not stated so eloquently or as intentional, but more as a matter of function. It’s like the Chris Brown corollary: if chair is thrown from a window and Chris Brown is present, there is a better than 90 percent likelihood that Chris Brown either threw it or was involved with its flight.

Or put more simply, while I don’t know that I think most Americans (or people of the world for that matter) view Black people as rampant criminals, I will say that I’m sure there’s a significant portion of people that aren’t surprised at all when they see news stories involving black-on-black crime.

Which is why its so great that we have both Fox News Bill O’Reilly and CNN’s Don Lemon to help us figure out how to stop being such violent creatures and criminals. See, recently, Bill O’Reilly purported that African-Americans (nobody calls us Black in Prime Time) trend towards violence because of the breakdown of the African-American family. Don Lemon took it a step further with his five-point plan on how we could…get it together? Or stop being so violent? I’m not exactly sure what is to be achieved by his five points…but he had five points…perhaps Don Lemon is suuwoo. That’s a little gangland reference for those that don’t know. What? I’m Black. I’m crime prone.

By the way, I realize I’m late to the Don Lemon party. But upon seeing it I realized that well, if there’s something worth discussing its five-points to make you Black folks lives better. So let’s take a look at his points, mmkay?

5. Pull your pants up

4. Stop using the n-word

3. Stop littering

2. Graduate

1. No more unwed mothers

There were varying facts and figures that he used to support how exactly these five things were cornerstones of the degradation of the African-American community.

Now let’s be completely objective, if we can. On the surface, all of that is right. Or at least there’s nothing wrong with any of those points. On a purely surface level, the trend – ongoing for way longer than it should – of folks walking around visibly showing their draws…well I don’t get it either. I live in a Black neighborhood. I’ve seen more draws on a daily basis than the folks in Hong Kong making Fruit of the Looms. It’s truly stupefying. Mostly from a practical standpoint…it can’t be easy to walk like that. Nor can it be comfortable. I remember when sagging was popular….this ain’t even sagging, this is just downright walking with your pants around your knees. I’m just perplexed due to function. Given ALSO how tight pants are nowadays, its like dudes are walking around in cocoons…everybody’s just hopping nowadays. No Que.

Again, stop using the n-word, there’s a totally practical reason for this as well. Just like not littering (goooooooooo Earth…Captain Planet swag and sh*t). Graduate more? Who can’t get behind that? Even Kanye – one of the most notorious college dropouts in American history – named an album Graduation. That must count for something right? No unwed mothers…again, on its face, this makes pure and total sense. In social terms, its the ideal. A two-parent home clearly provides the most optimum opportunity for success – though its no the ONLY opportunity for success as so many of us can attest to.

But it is entirely possible to still be right and wrong simultaneously. None of those “solutions” would fix issues unique to the Black community. To keep it really real here’s how it actually works. If you graduate, you are probably more likely to get married…which means your dual income will allow you to live in a place where there ain’t much trash around which will likely have much less individuals using the nword OR sagging their pants. That’s just about moving to the a gated community.

Jokes aside, I feel like the biggest issue with points like this that aren’t wrong on the surface is that they don’t address any of the “why” of the situation to begin with. Granted, “why” can be a copout at times. I know. But think about it like this…if the goal is to eliminate violence (?) or change perception (which is not just Black folks fault mind you), will any of that sh*t truly make a difference? If I pull my pants up and stop using the nword, will I be looked at different? What if I put some sh*t in a trash can instead of on the ground – something that EVERYBODY hates seeing by the way, even folks in the hood get annoyed by the littering – and graduate a few times and don’t have a child out of wedlock…will that stop all the violence?

No. Part of the problem is the abject poverty may folks live in along with the laws and policies that have intentionally segregated this country for years. If you read transportation policy and understand city planning and redlining you see how cities were constructed to maximize segregation. I don’t care who you are, when a motherf*cker builds a HIGHWAY through your community specifically to separate the haves and the have nots (more a class issue) self-esteem issues are going to exist. It’s almost as dumb as not allowing a person with daddy issues – man or woman – the space to overcome the self-esteem issues they may or may not have. When sh*t is f*cked up, people are affected by it. Period. The problem is, the way you’re affected then resonates with another set of people who have the ability to more or less control some of the outcomes that are desired. Not a copout, just an acknowledgement that tellling Black people to get their sh*t together over a trash can and some sagging pants isn’t even a bandaid, its short sighted as hell.

Coming from Don Lemon it almost seems extra irritating. I’m not sure why this is, but it doesn’t feel genuine. His little anecdotes about living in Harlem now and the things he sees and how he never saw that before? I’m pretty sure he didn’t live in my neighborhood in Atlanta. Things he’s complaining about were par the course. NY…be offended. NYC is dirty. Period. The whole damn city. It ain’t Philly dirty…but its dirty.

Is he really arguing that if you just pick up trash in Harlem that everything’s gonna be alright. No Vinnie. Which remarkably, IS WHAT TREACH SAID! *rimshot*

I realize Don Lemon has caught a lot of flack, and probably mostly from folks in the Black community. I’m also sure he’s got a lot of support from that same Black community and much head nodding and agreement from a bunch of folks who treat Blackness as a pathology and not just a race. Ultimately, that’s what this comes down to…a white person litters…he’s littering and he’s a douche.

If a Black man does it, he’s predisposed to littering and is going to blame it on slavery. Black people are walking, talking pathologies. Pathology is the new stereotype.

This has gotten long, and yes that’s what she said. But what are your opinions about Don Lemon’s “No Talking Points” segment?

Agree? Disagree? Why or why not?

WHO YA WIT?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Why Do We Care Who Sandra Bullock Adopted?

Sandra Bullock adopts Black Baby

Sandra Bullock cares about black people

Sandra Bullock, the woman who captured America’s heart and sympathy at nearly the exact same time via The Blindside and Jesse James’ wayward peepee has gone and adopted a Black kid from New Orleans.

Yay.

She’s another in the long line of white folks who’ve gone out and copped them a ninja to raise and support.

Yay.

So why is this a story? Seriously. I just peeped a CNN story entitled, “Bullock’s adoption of black baby stirs debate” and frankly I’m puzzled by the “debate.” Why does it even matter to anybody? Shouldn’t we just be glad that a Black baby from America actually got adopted. Most celebs traipse on over to Africa to pick up a kid to make a millionaire. Bullock, a woman with strong ties to New Orleans, has gone and adopted a youngster from the great city. Once again, I’m just happy the child was adopted…at all.

Look, I’m one of those people who feels that white people cannot adequately raise Black children. Not in this country where racial tensions lay latent and then explode out of nowhere for whatever reason. It’s hard for a white person to contextualize for a Black child what it all really means. It just is. This is fact. All the books in the world cannot teach you how to be Black. That’s a cultural experience and education that requires actual experience and education. White people tend to make excuses for other white people’s shortcomings and tell you that “it’s not everybody” and that you should take an individual as just that. They believe that the institutions are intent on justice, blah blah blah (No Ke$ha). Fact is, it’s bull malarkey. But… Continue reading

Black and Positive: What Black in America Brings To The Table

TIME OUT: It’s almost the LAST DAY to VOTE us into the final round of the Black Weblog Awards. Please make your mama proud and vote for us, it takes only 12 seconds to do if you know how to read. And we KNOW you know how to read. CLICK HERE NOW.

292-big-1-1243698551So, I missed the 8pm showing of Black in America 2.  I was out doing my part to bring the truth, the light, and the American way to minorities at a major university.

Yes, Panama is a teacher on the side.

As I currently sit and watch the last episode, I must admit, though its depressing as all hell, BiA2 has done some good.  And you know how much I love to highlight the good, great, and Beyonce things that exist in this world.  I mean, what the world needs now, is love, sweet love, that’s the only thing that there’s just to little of. Continue reading

Still Black: 7 Things I Learned While Watching CNN’s Black In America 2

black-in-americaI’d love to venture deep into my soul to discuss how deeply moved I was by CNN’s Black in America 2 presentation, but much like the first one, it just wasn’t that deep.  In fact, I didn’t even expect it to be.  It’s CNN.  I only watched it because I know people expected me to watch it because people expected me to say something about it.

I do this for my culture.

And just in case you weren’t sure, we’re still Black.  Same sh*t, different toilet. Continue reading

Let’s Go Out On A Date!

So I came across this article on CNN.com and I’ll be damned if it ain’t perfect for our little corner of the Internet.  Now, most of you have gone out on dates before.  Some of you have not; it’s okay, you still have time.  You’ll probably grow out of your face at some point.

Zing!

Them’s jokes.  VSB.com only attractes the highest caliber of mirrorability.  So.  I maintain, most of us have gone out on first dates.  Well, according to CNN.com, here are 6 things that you shouldn’t do on a first date (it doesn’t mention pulling out your schlong and attempting to place it on her forehead, but if you read between the lines…it’s there).

Gander.

1. Introduce unfamiliar grooming regimens into your routine. Never had a Brazilian wax? Today’s not the day to try it. Ditto to shelling out for that new, expensive, zit-zapping, wrinkle-eradicating, sun-damage-reversing miracle cleanser you read about in Allure. Sure, both of these things might work out well, but there’s also the possibility you’ll be left with festering scabs, ingrown hairs, or worse.

If you’re prone to festering scabs AND giving it up on the first night, then I’m with CNN.com.  Just…ewww.

3. Get liquored up first. I know you’re tense, but guzzling three martinis before you meet him is not a good idea. You probably haven’t eaten all day and the combination of stress, hunger and booze is not a good one. Because I’m not completely heartless, you can have up to one glass of wine. But no more. Promise me — no more!

Do, however, get liquored up AFTERwards.  What better way to break the ice than with liquor induced conversation.  Plus it gives you a better excuse when you give it up on the first night….assuming of course you can’t find your panties and you decide to just let him touch your booty!  Score.

4. Not eat if you’re on a dinner date. Women always think they look dainty picking at a small green salad with just a lemon wedge while their date plows through the surf & turf. Wrong. They just look sad, hungry and possibly eating disordered. Even if you’re spazzing on the inside, skip the bunny food and order a normal human-sized meal.

This is important.  If you’re not going to eat, then we’re not going to a restaurant.  Point blank. Period.  We can just skip the theatrics and go straight for the funnin’.  If you’re not going to eat like a rabbit (salad), then I suppose you may as well just f*ck like one.

6. Play make-believe. When you drop lies designed to impress — like claiming to be a Foucault scholar or are actually Johnny Cash’s second cousin — it’s pretty much a given that you’re going to get busted. Either your date will turn out to be some kind of philosophically minded smarty-pants and want to debate you, or he’ll be Johnny Cash’s third cousin, wondering why you weren’t at the last family reunion.

Eh, if you’re just trying to procure panties, just lie.  It’s more effective.  She probably wouldn’t date you if she knew the real you.  Think, 40-Year-Old Virgin.

*******

I let CNN.com do the dirty work today, but what are some other do’s and don’ts for going on a first date?  And yes, everybody knows one should “be themself” so keep that one.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK

ADMIN. NOTES:

1) The Champ and I will be featured on a Battle of the Sexes feature on Juice Radio Thursday swith Miz D and Real Talk Now at 730pm this evening.  You can check out the show here:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/juiceradio

Check it out as men and women discuss their gripes with one another.  The Champ and I do this stupendously since women are all crazy.

2)  The DC VSB Happy Hour will be taking place next Wednesday, November 12 starting at 6pm at Mahogany Restaurant and Lounge @ Bohemian Caverns, 11th and U Street, NW, Washington, DC.  I’ll send more information out to everybody via evite with the emails that were sent to me.  But mark your calenders.  Next Wednesday.  6-10pm.  I’ll try to come up with some drink specials too…