Fashion Fo’ Paws

"Hey guys, we look good. Right?"

Vh1 Soul is one of my favorite channels. I love watching music videos. I only watch like three actual television shows and the rest of the time I’m watching movies or videos.

Like this video that’s currently on. It’s Kelly Price featuring Jermaine Dupri and Da Brat, “Secret Love Remix”. In this video, Da Brat shows that she’s a woman, Jermaine Dupri does Jermaine Dupri things from somewhere around 3 feet, and Kelly Price is committing more fashion faux pas than one person should be able to commit. For instance, in one sequence, she is dressed up as the biggest bottle of Pepto Bismol ever. My stomach feels better just looking at her. I’m not sure if that was the intent, but Kelly Price isn’t a small woman. If you’re going to wear one unified color AND make it glossy and be that big, you’re either going to be Kool-Aid or medicine. There’s no two ways about it.

Um, no shots fired to my big friends who really like to wear one piece outfits. You shouldn’t. But I wouldn’t judge you if you did.

So where am I taking you? Southwest.

Here we go. 911.

This video made me think about the myriad horrible fashion trends that existed because of rap videos and pop culture in general. Which of course got me to thinking about the worst fashion ideas to hit generation whicheveroneyoubelongto. Like…

1. Hammer pants

I believe there’s another more formal scientifc name for this: homos pantus. Seriously, hammer pants aren’t anything more than really droppy boxer briefs. Why on God’s green earth did people think that fashion choice was anywhere close to being cool. Hammer is quite evil actually. He had entire neighborhoods walking around looking like genies. Not even like the cool kind from Aladdin. The really gay ones from Oakland.

2. Lacefront weaves

This is only a really bad fashion choice because so many women get them wrong. I’m a pretty standard issue dude. That means that my ability to even recognize a weave is pretty non-existent until I see a track star fall from glory like Marion Jones. But there is no mistaking a bad lacefront weave. You know you can find a crackhead in some places and outfit your whole living room for 2o bucks and a bucket of chicken? I feel like there’s an entire undergound market of lacefront weavers who are giving women bad vajay. What does bad vajay mean? Exactly.

3. Ed Hardy

And I mean anything by Ed Hardy. All of it looks like a**. I could never fully understand why dudes kept wearing those fake tattoo sleeve shirts either. Maybe it’s because I know my father or something but I can’t get down with something that was clearly made for dolphins and walrus cubs to wear.

4. The African medallion phase

Look, this might be blasphemous and all but that was a really odd fashion statement. Mostly because, I’d wager more than half of the ninjas rocking medallions and Malcolm 10 hates couldn’t actually name a country in Africa. Which, ya know is cool if you’re not pretending to be down for the struggle. I don’t know…it’s reminiscent of everybody rocking Che Guevara shirts. Sure it was trendy, but if you can’t actually tell me where the cat on the shirt is from, why are you wearing the shirt? Maybe lack of knowledge is just a personal beef of mine but hey, I went to public school. I’m used to it.

5. Rocking overalls with one strap unfastened

I used to do it too. But it’s like every dude was just preparing for prison. “So this is what it feels like to have my clothes hanging loosely off of me with easy access.” I’m sure it all started because some cat in NYC decided to be different and it caught on like wildfire. Which is amazing if you think about it. It’s just one strap unfastened. Thing is, dudes shouldn’t be wearing overalls anyway. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’m pretty sure it has something do with sunflower seeds, lisps, and big guys named Al. But that’s just one man’s opinion, don’t pay me no mind.

Those are five random fashion trends that I think were just ridiculous. My people of the good VSB, what’s the worst fashion trend to hit fashion?

It’s Friday. Let ‘errr rip. Textiles.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

***Attn all***

If you’re in the Pittsburgh area, come to The Kelly-Strayhorn Theater TONIGHT for The Dating Truth Live Presents: Find Your Love – a night of entertainment and candid panel discussion and debate about dating, relationships, sex, and love moderated by The Champ and hosted by Ms. Solomon of TheDatingTruth.com.

The night – which starts at 7 pm – also features renowned playwright, activist, educator, and social media maven Kimberly “Dr Goddess” Ellis, comedian and finalist for “Last Comic StandingJason “J-Russ” Russell, and more.

The event is sponsored by Savoy Restaurant & Lounge — Pittsburgh’s premier dining experience

Tickets are $10. Advance tickets can be purchased at Eventbrite.com (http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1320119513) for a 25% discount if you enter the code “DY”

Thanks!

Black Heat: VSB Guide To the Dos and Don'ts of Summer Madness

Summertime is here and that means that the insane heat is going to be messing with people’s good judgment and common sense. Lucky for you, I, Panama Jackson, am here to provide some do’s and don’ts for the summertime, though really, these rules can apply all year. I’m all-purpose like that.

Follow me. Continue reading