Another Question About Cheating.

I’ve always felt like the wives and girlfriends of athletes and politicians, and well, men in power really got a raw lot in life. I think that they are almost guaranteed to date and/or marry a man who is going to step out on them at some point. Of course, not all athletes, politicians, etc are going to cheat. I know this.

Conversely, they are also privy to many riches and to a status that most people will never know or achieve. And I’m sure that there’s a certain long-term cost-benefit analysis that goes into marrying certain men anyway.

This might be a good place to mention this, I’ve spent time trying to decide if a man who married a politician woman or whatever really felt any type of way about their woman stepping out on them and my guess is that most of us just wouldn’t sweat it. Not that women can’t cheat, obviously they can, I just think that the male mentality of being a woman’s end all be all makes us all think that we’re immune to being cheated on…which is why we totally lose our sh*t when we find out that our woman has cheated on us. Men…we so dumb sometimes. Patriarchy, you’ve got to love it.

Anyway, the point of those few paragraphs above is this: I get the impression that in nearly all of those relationships, the woman says at some point: “do not embarass me.” Basically, wear condoms and be discreet. Remember your family and don’t bring anything home that you didn’t leave with. Nobody wants to be the last person to find out something. In fact, I’m willing to bet all of your paychecks that the main reason a woman won’t stand next to her husband after some scandal breaks is because she found out about it via newspaper or somebody else telling her as opposed to her husband. Nobody likes to be the last to know, but especially if you get questioned about something and have no clue what the asker is talking about.

Don’t embarass me.

Which leads to my main question here: is it worse to be cheated on, or to be the last one to know you got cheated on?

Perhaps this is an easy answer since if you know before everybody else, you can control the release of information better or at least be able to get ahead of the situation. You can make sure that you’re taking care of home and attempt to close out everybody else from speaking on your situation. But that also assumes that cheating is a forgivable offense to begin with, right?

But I don’t know, I mean it definitely makes the act worse if you’re the last to know, but shouldn’t the infidelity by itself be enough of a transgression? Does it even matter how you found out that you got cheated on assuming that its both true and verifiable?

How did this all come up? Believe it or not, I was watching the movie Rio and somehow, during the course of that movie, THAT idea came to my head. For those who haven’t seen Rio, it’s a movie about two blue macaw’s who have to smang in order to preserve the species, except one can’t fly and Jamie Foxx is a yellow bird with a bottle cap hat. Oh, and And I became curious. Is there any connection? Not really. Total non-sequitur? Absolutely. Point is, don’t question my authority.

So, anyway, to the peanut gallery: what’s worse – being cheated on or being the last to know you got cheated on?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NO NO NO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Back In The Day When Famous N*pples Were Fun

I wasn't before, but NOW I can really be your motivation.

So Nicki Minaj and Kelly Rowland are the latest victims of the power of the smartphone. One of Nicki’s nips peeked out on Good Morning America much to the dismay of soccer moms everywhere. Not because they saw a nipple, they’re soccer moms – they look at eachother’s nipples daily while breastfeeding at Starbucks. Nope, they were confused because they just can’t understand why such a nice young lady would call herself a “motherf*cking MOOOOONSTER”.

Kelly Rowland on the other hand had the double-fecta. She had a double nipslip when the obviously too small leather-esque top she had on rose to the occasion and refused to fall down like Donnie McClurkin at a PRIDE festival. I find her slip funny because it isn’t like she’s a dancer or anything. And even if she does some dance moves, she’s not exactly pulling out the Beyonce dance moves. Basically, if Kelly ever falls down in concert its because she’s clumsy, not because she’s putting in work. Kind of like Michelle’s clumsy behind. So yeah, to me the only explanation for Kelly’s slip is that her top was too small to hotbox with God. Which is a shame since, well, she’s not that big in the first place. Who the hell did she get that joint from? Jada Pinkett?

Now, I enjoyed both of those slips. A lot. Kelly’s specifically. See, Kelly has this whole good girl faking like a bad girl thing going. “Motivation” could have been a Ciara or Keri Hilson (what the hell happened to her?) song with ease. Kelly’s so sweet and nice that seeing her nipples is like the win of all wins. Because you’re just not supposed to. Unlike somebody like Nicki Minaj’s whose you kind of expect to see at some point anyway. Still great but the enjoyment is much shorter.

Which brings me to my point…nude pics of celebs just aren’t as fun as they used to be. It used to be a treat to catch a naked pic of a celeb. It was like Christmas. I remember when Toni Braxton bore her boobs for whichever publication it was. Good times. The Stacey Dash spread…that sh*t was better than Watch The Throne and an MJ comeback.

Sidenote: Lots of things seem to be better than Watch The Throne. Watching a caterpillar double dutch perhaps. At least you’ve never seen that before. This album sounds like it should be dope and yet I’m kind of over it already. Perhaps after repeated listens I’ll learn to love it but there’s something missing. Oh yeah, dopeness.

Now, you almost have to attempt to avoid nude celebs. Even the damn Disney and Nick kids are getting into the act. And frankly, I’m tired of it. Not because of the erosion of society. I’m upset because now I’m desensitized to seeing naked people all up and thru the websites. Sure I see lots of naked pr0n stars, but thats what they do. Be naked. I miss the days when a Janet Jackson nipple actually meant that an angel was getting its wings. Not anymore though. Just yesterday I was outside and Michelle Obama flashed the nation. Okay, that didn’t happen but you get my point. Give me that old time religion where seeing a nudey pic of Kelly Rowland would actually incite a fervor everywhere. It used to mean something.

It’s not lost on me how ridiculous this is. Truly it isn’t. But you have to at least understand where I’m coming from. It’s like everybody finding the greatest place on earth…it ceases to be the greatest place. Just ask Eminem and his craptastic albums as of late.

I want to feel like people felt when Vanessa Williams exposed all to Playboy. Like right now, there’s virtually no celeb that anybody wants to see naked of the boobed persuasion that we haven’t seen. It’s not even doing anything for their careers anymore its just another day at the office. And I’m tired of it!

Ladies, I realize that most of you either don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about all of the nudey nipslips and naked pics floating around of celebs. Hell you all felt like you got thrown a bone (PUN) when Idris Elba got to swangin’ in that scene in Takers. And I’m guessing all the wang shots of athletes and rappers don’t quite move you anyway. Or do they?

So, to make it more global, are we all just too desensitized to sex nowadays? Do you even notice or care when this stuff happens?

Interesting sidenote: I grew up in Europe (for those that didn’t know). Women used to sunbathe topless all the time. After a while boobs lost their effectiveness but I never got tired of seeing them as a youngster. I wonder what’s happened? Maybe I’m just desensitized to the sex I don’t get to be apart of. Seeing it in person is always a great experience. Send me pics. Thank you – The Management

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. AFROSHEEN TUCLEEN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3 WITH AAA CREDIT FROM S&P, MARRY HIM

The Mirror.

DISCLAIMER: Most pictures are SFW.  Except possibly the pic at 8 and 9.  All others should be okay.  Also, due to the SFWness, my picture pool was vastly limited.  Thank you.

Self-reflection is a b*tch.  Many of us find it hard to honestly assess who we really are.  Some of us think that we’re the bees knees; others of us don’t think we’re worth any of the attention we get.

So what does this have to do with the price of pantyhose in Malaysia?

You ever know a chick who acted a little bit more assholish than their face seemingly allowed?  You know what I mean, chicks who were busted but didn’t seem to realize it, or at least didn’t fully respect their inner-Gremlin.  I’m talking about the women who ultimately end up pissing people off because they don’t stay in their lane.

Panama, what are you talking about?

Glad you asked.

Let’s say you’re a 3 on a 10 point scale, but you galavant around like you’re an 8.

*whistle blowing*

Violation.

That’s what I’m talking about.  And luckily, I’m here to help out with this.  Follow me:

PANAMA PRESENTS I CAN’T GET PAST YOUR FACE

If you’re between a 1-3 (I generally wouldn’t talk about you being as my mama said if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all) OR don’t look better than Cicely Tyson at age 80 in Miss Jane Pittman (at age 25), you should:

-Shut the f*ck up, be silent, and only speak when spoken too.

-Stop pretending to be important.  You’re not.

-Take every sexual encounter as possibly your last and let the man do every nasty thing he can think of.  It may be your only shot at procreation.  Put a hole in his rubber.

4 OR  Kimberly Elise (in most movies) you should:

-Be nice.  You won’t get married if you’re not.  Especially if you’re not famous.

-Stop pretending that you look good in anything. You don’t.  Just read more, it’s your only chance to not always be the busted chick who’s just barely ugly.  You can be the busted chick who’s barely ugly who knows a lot about The Amistad Revolt.

5 OR  Elise Neal or Terri J. Vaughn, you should:

-Smile a lot and be nice to people.  Otherwise people might not like you or will only respect you for your body.  And if you’re Terri J. Vaughn, you don’t have a body, so they won’t respect you.  If you’re Elise Neal, they’ll just put you in videos cuz you’re stacked.  Other than that, you’ll just be some man’s jump-off.

6 OR Essence Atkins or Kelly Rowland:

-Much like the 5′s you should smile a lot but you also shouldn’t be talking reckless about other clearly more attractive women.  You will be deemed a hater and you know what, you probably are.  Stop it.  God doesn’t like ugly.  He’s only mildly interested in you.

7 OR Sanaa Lathan:

- At this point, you have some leeway to be kind of an a**hole.  SOME.  If you’re in this range make calculated risks.  Most men will be okay with leaving you for a sarcastic, jacka*sish 8.  And there are a lot of them out there.  Be the cool, girl next door.  Which is good – you’re close.  Nobody wants to work hard or go too far for a 7.

8 OR Christina Milian or Gabrielle Union (who could easily be a 9 to me)

- These women (we’re getting to fewer and further between) have a lot of leeway to pretty much do and say what they want, though there’s only so much most people, men and women, will take from a woman who ain’t a dime.  However, if you look on par with Gabrielle Union, I’ll probably deal with anything you throw at me, until a much finer woman shows me some attention.  Survival of the fittest.  That Darwin, what a genius.

9 OR Paula Patton or Beyonce Knowles:

You’re pretty free to be the true jacka*s that you want to be and 9 out of 10 men will not only deal with, find it cute.  However, if you use your powers to be a manipulative person, most people will get over you easily.  Remember, show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of f*cking her.  Trust me, that’s true.

10 or Halle Berry:

Just don’t get fat and the world is your oyster.  Mkay?  Mkay.  And be a sweetheart?  You.are.golden.

In a nutshell, if you ain’t hot, don’t act like you’re hot.  Believe me, EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.  Stop it.

P.S.  I realize that this requires us to be more honest with ourselves than we really want to be, however, just because you can’t say it about yourself doesn’t mean somebody else won’t tell you.  If you really aren’t sure, just ask.

Cuz I’ll tell you.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

Also, feel free to direct all disagreements about the women I’ve chosen and their ranking to our Complaints Department, here.