Tag Archives: boomerang

the mount rushmore of black television and movie mates

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marcee tidwell (regina king), ‘jerry maguire’

jerry_maguire_xl_04--film-A

while most of us seem to hold claire huxtable as the fictional black wife benchmark, no one better exemplified what it means to be a true ride or die wife than marcee tidwell. from her invention of “the quan” to her willingness to whoop aries spears militant ass for talking too much negative sh*t, king’s awe-inspiring performance almost even makes cuba gooding’s cooning bearable

claire huxtable (phylicia rashad), ‘the cosby show’

claire-huxtable1

the tupac of tv and movie mates (so unconditionally revered and lauded that their legacy is more memorable and transcendent than they actually were themselves), claire huxtable exemplified class, grace, and beauty while showing the world that its possible for black women to have five children who look absolutely nothing alike

zee (nona gaye), ‘the matrix reloaded’

i know her placement on mt rushmore seems puzzling, but consider these three factors:

1. she was staunchly committed to her man despite the fact that each of her two brothers (dozer and tank) were killed messing around with the same crazy ass boss (morpheus) he’s volunteering to work for.

2. she didn’t hesitate to battle the machine army, which helped to get her man back home and, you know, continue the human race. some janky broads won’t even kill a spider for you and zee was out there running around in a tweed sports bra shooting sentinels and sh*t

3. she looked like this

nona gaye

and stayed devoted to a man who looked like he’s in a perpetual state of the swine flu¹

mrs. jackson (bebe drake), ‘boomerang’

she brought a five gallon bucket chitlins for thanksgiving and let mr. jackson “whip dat p*ssy” in the bathroom next to the kitchen. nuff said

although i know my mt rushmore is thorough, i’m curious: who’d be on your mt rushmore of black television and movie mates? remember, you can only pick four.

also, even though my list is all women, feel free to make a mt rushmore of black male mates if you’re compelled and sh*t.

¹seriously, if you had to rank “sickly looking ass n*ggas in film”, harold perrineau (link from ‘the matrix’) would be number one, closely followed by andre royo (bubbles from ‘the wire’) and macy gray from ‘training day’

—the champ

the best ever

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***this monday, as a service from the kind gentleman of verysmartbrothas.com, the champ has decided to rank the three best romantic comedies of all-time the last 20 years. enjoy***

3. chasing amy

premise: a comic-book writer (ben affleck) befriends and falls in love with a fellow comic book writer (joey lauren adams)…who happens to be a lesbian. hilarity, pain, tremendous cussing, and unfortunate ho-yay behavior ensue.

reasons for making the cut:

—easily the best movie kevin smith ever made. this isn’t even remotely debatable

—contained quite possibly the funniest token black character ever on screen, in dwight ewell’s “hooper x”, a fellow comic book writer, who also happens to be extremely violent, extremely militant, and extremely gay. omar would have been proud

—introduced “finger-cuffs” to my general lexicon, a term i still use with glee at least thrice daily

—perfectly captures a typical male’s queasy uneasiness when forced to confront his woman’s, ummmm, “eclectic” sexual past, and how hard it is for us to let that go.

—would have rated higher on this list if not for the ending, which is so inconceivably and shockingly bad that i refuse to even talk about it

2. boomerang

for black people those willing to put saccharin garbage such as “the best man” and “brown sugar” ahead of “boomerang” when ranking romantic comedies, consider the following…

—talent-wise, when you consider eddie murphy, martin lawrence, david alan grier, and john witherspoon this movie contained four (five if you count grace jones’s vagina) comedic legends in their absolute prime, as well as a before her prime halle berry, a still barely unattractive tisha campbell (before she made the leap to “completely unattractive”), lela rochon’s feet, and a surprisingly milfy eartha kitt. wow.

—the infamous thanksgiving dinner, where witherspoon’s “mr. jackson” introduced the world to the concept of “coordination” as well as “pop that pu–y!!!“, is easily one of the five funniest movie scenes of all-time

—was the best of the numerous roles robin givens seemed to land where she played herself evil, conniving, manipulative bitches

1. high fidelity

maybe this movie gets top billing solely because it’s the movie that inspired me to start making lists for everything. maybe it’s number one because i see so much of myself in john cusack’s rob gordon, and it perfectly illustrates that late 20′s “i guess i should settle down with her cause i guess at this age it’s the right thing to do…i guess” angst…a phenomenon i’m currently experiencing i completely understand. maybe i just want to sleep with meet lisa bonet. who knows. i will say that, despite its basically all-white cast, it’s quite possibly the “blackest” relationship comedy ever made. think about it: a severely underemployed and apathetic guy, spending all of his free time with his equally underemployed and apathetic friends talking about music and reflecting on all of the women he’d been with in the past. this sentence describes me at least seven of my closest friends, and is why this movie is a required view for any guy between 21-35.

anyway though…you’ve read my list. even though my ranking is completely undebatable, i’m curious…how does it stack up with yours?

—the champ