Tag Archives: bobby brown

mercy, mercy, me…please?: the four cruelest things women consistently do to men

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cruel kerry

its a conspiracy. a c-o-n-spiracy.

you see, bobby brown was a prophet, a modern day nostradamus sent from God to warn us all of the merciless nature of the typical woman with his genius “don’t be cruel“. realizing this, the national council of cruel women siced a seemingly sweet-hearted whitney houston on him, stringing him out and making him lose sight of and forget his earthly purpose.

the very smart brothas at verysmartbrothas.com haven’t forgotten, though. taking the torch from grand minister brown, here’s the four cruelest things women consistently do to men

1. keeping friend-zoned guys around

not only are most women aware of the hapless friends they have who are patiently hoping for a never occurring opening, they have no problem with taking advantage of him once he’s in place…and giving him just enough of a tease of a potential opening to keep him there.

there are myriad ways that they do this, but my favorite is the wistfully nonchalant “i wish there were more guys were like you. why can’t i find a good man?” they’ll utter to the emasculated cat driving them to ikea so she can replace the bed her maintenance man just helped her break the night before

bastards.

2. asking loaded questions with no right answers

from “do you think i’m gaining weight?” to “do you find her attractive?”, women love asking men unanswerable questions more than fat asians love pumas. at this point, i either answer by repeating the question “why? do you think you’re gaining weight?” or just saying “jello”

3. flirting with happily attached men

seriously, i really think that they have clandestine national meetings underneath williams sonoma’s every other weekend to discuss which one of us are in a relationship (“at approximately 4:26 eastern standard time last sunday afternoon, james jackson of albany, new york proposed to his longtime girlfriend“), decide when and how exactly to attack (“he’s particularly vulnerable between 12:25 and 12:50 wednesday afternoons right before he has his lunch“), and delegate who’s going to be leading the charge (“kim, since he has a thing for leggy women and is particular about his cologne, we’re gonna need you to slide up to him in line at wendy’s this week and compliment his new kenneth cole black. he also has a thing for business women, so make sure to wear your bangingest pants suit. a slight french accent would be cool too, since he’s infatuated with haitian women“)

while this is extremely lecherous, it’s nowhere as bad as…

4. “the boyfriend”

the boyfriend is the name for the scenario that occurs when a man has spent an entire night talking to, laughing and dancing with, and getting to know a seemingly unbelievably compatible woman, only to be hit with the “hey, what type of movies do you like? i’m really into p*rn, tarentino flicks, scorsese, and old nba highlight films. i love spielberg  sometimes too, but not as much as my boyfriend does” right before he’s about to ask for her number.

bastards.

fellas, i know i’m missing a few. do you have any more examples of relentless cruelness you’d like to share? also, ladies, i need to know: why are you all so damn cruel? is it our fault, or did God just make you that way? is it nature, nurture, or the alcohol?

explain yourselves and sh*t

—the champ

On Dem Thangs: 4 Crackheads That Don’t Get Enough Credit.

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crackWe all know that crack kills.

And that it kills your brain cells.

The thing is, some of the biggest contributors to pop culture and society have been crackheads.  Now of course, the term “contributors to society” can be interpreted many different ways, but interpretation, beauty, and thickness are all in the eye of the beholder.

Opinions are like that too.  For instance, that new Jay-Z?  Garbage.  But some other person may hear some splendorous musical arrangement instead.

But back to the point: crackheads.

The other day on my trip out of town for vacation, my girlfriend and I had a conversation about people who don’t get enough credit.  I started with Teddy Riley as somebody who’s managed to invent and re-invent himself over and over again over the past 2 decades and has produced some of the biggest albums (Bobby Brown’s Don’t Be Cruel, Michael Jackson Dangerous, Guy’s albums, etc.) and spearheaded the New Jack Swing movement in hip-hop/r&b.  But not only did Teddy Riley do great work, he also mentored and inspired some other greats – created a certain family tree, if you will.  And one particular part of that family tree lead me to 4 crackheads that don’t get enough credit.  Follow me. Continue reading →

There You Go Telling Me No Again.

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For today’s edition of Friday Fun I thought I’d really have fun with this.  Two Friday’s ago we had a freestyle battle and that was entertaining but everybody doesn’t have rap skills.  But you know what everybody does have?

An opinion.  Let us begin.

By now, most of you realize that I’m a big music person.  I litter posts with numerous musical references and wonder who will pick them up.  I have named a good percentage of each of my posts using song titles.  And it seems that a good majority of our commenters (and probably lurkers alike..we’ll test this today) have an affinity for music.  My affinity for music has led to some of the most climactic debates of all time.  On my old blog I actually decided to take on the age old question of:

What’s the best Jodeci song of all time?

I took that question to the streets of DC and got all kinds of responses.  I think that “Freek-N-U” is the best Jodeci song of all time but I got nearly every song in their catalog at least once though I’m pretty sure that “Come and Talk To Me” prevailed (though an argument could be made for any of the first 6 songs on Diary of A Mad Band).  I’d actually like your take on that, but that’s not what today’s debate is going to be about.

Oh no.  We’re going to Debo that one and take it a step further.  You see, The Champ and I have decided to make this here blog relationship-centric.  And despite the myriad explanations of us gangsta’s on this site about how we refuse to pander to the p***y, the fact is, 99 percent of us are tricking, and the other 1 percent doesn’t even realize it.  By the way, there’s a 100 percent margin of error on that last statistic.

Even though me and the rest of the men on this site are some straight G’s, the R&B world has been littered with men who were much less than G’s – men who would get down on bended knee when their river ran dry and proclaimed that they’d make love to you, how you want them too.  Hell, they’d even hold you tight, all through the night.

You know who I’m talking about – the begging arse ninjas who couldn’t help but to give women the sun, the rain, the stars, the moon, and the mountains.  Which led me to this question:

Who was the most begging arse ninja out there?

The easy money is on Keith Sweat but truly, I’m not sure if that’s accurate.  Babyface was one begging mofo.  Hell, do you REMEMBER the words to the song “Ready or Not”?  Or what about “When Can I See You Again?”

Aaron Hall?  He was a beggar too.  Coincidentally, he begged R. Kelly for his style back but R. Kelly just pissed on him.

Zing!

Johnny Gill?  Gay, but a beggar nonetheless.  Hell, New Edition were all some begging dudes.  Is this the end?  Yes Ralph, it was.

To tell the truth, the entire male R&B genre of the late 80’s and early 90’s was an ode to men who just couldn’t get enough of that good lovin’ and didn’t care who knew about it.  Sensitivity, anyone?

So there it is ladies and gentlemen, for today’s edition of Friday Fun, who was the most begging arse singer?  Lay out the argument.  All of you are music aficionados today.  Put some Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam on your iPod, max and relax, tap into your music selection of the glory years and put somebody on blast.

Dom dom didday!

And while we’re at it…what IS the best Jodeci song?

I fully expect lurkers to chime in today.  You have an opinion.  Sharing is caring.

(And by the way, Bobby Brown’s Don’t Be Cruel is the best R&B album EVER with the only possible arguments being Michael Jackson’s Thriller and Off The Wall, though I consider them straight pop albums.  You can argue with me on this, but you will be wrong.)

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

PS Happy 3-day weekend for those who get Columbus Day off.  Yay gov’t employment.