***flashback 20 years***
because he was the only kid in the neighborhood who blackmailed his parents to ensure he had premium cable channels in his bedroom, the young champ’s lair became the go-to friday night spot every other week for a few select 9-12 year old males to watch cinemax after dark, an arrangement that lasted all summer until the champ’s mother caught future murderer tyree “boobie” weens stealing kools out of her purse
they had a system. one of them would stand post near the champ’s bedroom door with an ear to the wall to see if either of his parents were walking back to his room, while the rest huddled around the tube with gi joe’s and transformers in their laps, to quickly “play it off” and hide erections if the champ’s parents happened to slip past the sentinel.
while watching “emmanuelle 17: the prison years” one such night, one of the champ’s more “experienced” (and “experienced” in this case means, “he was 12, and rubbed brandi jenkins’s ass once while playing release the den”) friends stood up, pulled what looked to be a packet of ramen noodle seasoning…
…out of his pocket and remarked:
“yo. next time one of ya’ll little n*ggaz get with a chick like that, make sure you use one of these”
the young champ, who’d never miss an opportunity to snark, quickly remarked…
“what the hell is wrong with your dumb ass? ramen seasoning? you gonna oodle your noodle in her¹ or something? haha!!!”
…but was surprised to see that noone of the other friends were laughing with him. in fact, they all were shaking their heads and rolling their eyes.
“egghead, dont you know what that is???“, one of them replied. he continued before the young champ could had a chance to respond.
“damn, n*gga. don’t tell me you’ve never seen a condom before???”
obviously, the young and extremely naive champ hadn’t². if he had, he probably wouldnt have mistaken a trojan jimmy hat for a packet of top ramen noodle shrimp flavoring.
anyway, although we’re all very, very, very lascivious and smart brothas and sistas, none of us are above the occasional bout of boneheaded blondness
tell me, people of vsb, what are the biggest “DUH!!!” moments you’ve ever had?
—the champ