Tag Archives: Black men

Yes, Loving “Scandal” Probably Does Make You A Hypocrite. (But, Who F*cking Cares?)

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(Black) People finding out you’ve never watched more than a half hour (combined) of Scandal sort of reminds me of the reaction I’d receive when people found out I’d never watched The Color Purple and I’ve never done the Electric Slide. The incredulousness received was so extreme that it began to annoy me, turning my non-viewing and non-sliding into a point of pride. Instead of just not sitting down to watch The Color Purple and just not finding the opportunity to learn the Electric Slide, I’d intentionally avoid it. It became one of my “things” like “Oh, that’s Champ over there. He lives in Pittsburgh, used to hoop, and he sits down and smirks whenever the Electric Slide song comes on.”

I haven’t reached that point with Scandal, and I doubt I ever will. It seems like a nice enough show, and my reasons for not getting into it have more to do with my tastes—I tend to like my shows funny (30 Rock, Parks and Rec, etc), dark (The Wire, Luther, etc), or dark and funny (Louie, The Sopranos, etc)—than any type of (admittedly) bizarre preemptive metahate. But, despite the fact that I haven’t watched it, like The Color Purple, it’s become such a part of our cultural zeitgeist that you really don’t have to watch it to know about it. You could probably create a Wiki page for Olivia Pope just off of Facebook status messages every Thursday.

Anyway, in the past week, I’ve read three Scandal-related articles—“Real Talk: What’s Up With the ‘Scandal’ Backlash?” by Demetria Lucas, “Such A Big Ego: Why Some Black Men Have A Problem With “Scandal” by Kirsten West Savali, and “Scandal’ Fans: Guilty by Association?” by Kellee Terrell—and if you were to combine each together and distill them, you’d be left with three points.

1. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Scandal

2. (Black) Men criticize (Black women) for loving Scandal despite some scandalous behavior from its lead character

3. We (Black women who love Scandal) are not hypocrites. If anyone is a hypocrite, it’s Black men

As I mentioned before, it’s near impossible to be on social media and not know the basic premise of the show. Kerry Washington’s Olivia Pope is perhaps the most powerful woman in D.C. Her great grandfather was Dr. Manhattan. One click of her heel could make Colin Powell cowtow. If she even winked at you, your head would explode, and Keyser Sose would bankrupt your uncle’s construction business. She’s the shit and shit. She’s also seeing (and in love with) the President…who is married…and is White!

It’s also understandable why the show is so popular. It’s set in D.C., which is to bougie Black girls what Home Depot is to fat crackheads. It features a bougie Black girl in possession of all the things bougie Black girls think of when attempting to get aroused—power, lip gloss, a barely detectable lisp, the ability to affect policy over brunch meetings, shoes and shit, men who want to do more than just invite her over at 1am for Wendy’s and Burn Notice. Plus, no one does “I will make you root and shed tears for these flawed motherf*ckers” better than Shonda Rhimes. She is a maven, a magician, the bougie Black girl’s Geppetto.

Despite all of this, it’s somewhat disingenuous to suggest that her affair with the President isn’t the meat and potatoes of the show’s appeal. Yes, her occupation and the perception of power matters—this show doesn’t work if she’s a school lunch lady who secretly calls all the shots and knows all the secrets in the teacher’s lounge—but there’s no doubt in my mind it wouldn’t be as popular if she happened to be married. Or just single. Or a lesbian. Or having an affair with an equally powerful lawyer. Her impact as a Black woman makes the show irreverent. Her affair makes it sexy, and sexy beats irreverent’s ass every time.

So yes. If you are a bougie Black girl—a population who, despite my undying love and shit for them, is somewhat defined by their sanctimony-based snark about everything—and you activity root for Olivia Pope to “win” her love affair, you are a big steaming pile of hypocrite.

But, guess what? That’s ok!

No one—well, no one with a brain—cares. Yes, it does make you a f*cking hypocrite to rip apart the ratchet behavior of the Real Basketball Wives of Hip-Hop and turn around and root for a woman who’s basically doing the same thing, just as it makes me a f*cking hypocrite for marching against violence but listening to Rick Ross on the way to the rally, or the chick clowning King Catfish on Twitter this evening despite the fact that she’s been dating the same dude for four years and still doesn’t know where he lives, and exactly like the hypocrisy millions of Americans exhibit when pretending to care about concussions and player safety and still sucking on the NFL teet every weekend.

Hypocrisy is as American as assault rifles. This country was founded by a group of extremely brilliant, extremely educated, and extremely pious men who still believed that enslaving people wasn’t really that bad of a thing. Hypocrisy is our birthright, our history, and our legacy, and you look sillier denying it than if you just said “F*ck it” and embraced it.

We are all hypocrites in some way or another–especially when it comes to what we choose to consume—and the longer Scandal lovers who exhibit this behavior refuse to admit to and accept their own hypocrisy, the longer they’ll get called on it…like everyone else does. Being a bougie Black girl and using words like “nuance” and “slut-shaming” doesn’t absolve you from doing some things that don’t really jive with some other things you do, and “hypocrite” is just one appropriate word for that type of behavior.

You know another one? “Human.”

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

The Oppression Olympics

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A few days after news broke about BET anchor TJ Holmes getting pulled over by the cops, I wrote an article for Ebony describing my own recent “Driving While Black” experience.

In it, I described how those situations have become so engrained in our (“our” in this sense means “Black males”) collective consciousness that for many of us, you’re almost shocked when you see a cop and you don’t get pulled over.

Surprisingly, being racially profiled didn’t annoy me too much. Getting stopped and questioned by the cops is basically the Black males’ Bar Mitzvah. The stories are so ubiquitous that you’re almost surprised when it doesn’t happen to you.

After it published, I received feedback from several different sources; some friends, some comments on our Facebook wall, and even a few emails. After a couple dozen or so of these replies, I noticed that the type of feedback I received was mostly split along gender lines.

(The typical response from the men)

“Damn, dog. I remember when that shit happened to me. Glad you at least lived to share the story.”

(The typical response from the women)

“Did you get his badge number? File a report? I would have cussed that motherf*cker out”

Now, I know that the men who read the story also felt anger, just as I’m certain that the women were also glad that I made it home in one piece. But, whenever you hear stories like this, stories about Black men getting harassed by the police, you usually see the same pattern, and the stark difference in the base reaction wasn’t anything new. And, while there are many possible reasons why this occurs, one stands out a bit more than the rest:

Black women just aren’t perceived as immediate threats in the same way that Black men are.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. “Duh, motherf*cker. Of course not.” But, besides the obvious, the fact that Black women just aren’t perceived as threats in the same way allows them certain leeways. One of these leeways is that their antagonism in this type of situation probably won’t cause most cops to react the same way they would if we were just as antagonistic. Basically, they’re much less likely to get arrested/beat up/shot/killed after cussing a cop out than we would be. And, while we’re thinking “I should probably chill right now and address this later because one false move could make me the new Sean Bell,” this lack of negative reinforcement allows them to think “This wrong is going to be righted right now.”

Obviously, this theory is based solely on anecdote. And, I’m (obviously) speaking from a collective sense. Every Black woman and every Black man won’t react in a gender-assigned way. Also, I’m (obviously) biased. But I think I’m a bit more right than wrong with this, and I also suspect that most of you would agree with me.

Usually, when these types of discussions/conversations — where someone compares the plight of one plighted entity to another — take place, they’re prefaced with some variant of “I’m not trying to start the Oppression Olympics or anything, but…” — a statement which lets the people involved with the conversation know that the conversation starter knows that playing the “Who has it worse?” game is pointless, impossible, and even insulting.

You will see no such sentence from me today.

Regardless of the topic, much of the conversation we have here ends up basically coming down to the men stating that the women just don’t understand how it is to be a (Black) man, and the women arguing that what (Black) men collectively experience pales in comparison to the obstacles (Black) women have to overcome to survive and succeed.

So, instead of imploring each other to take the gloves off and try and find some common ground, today I’m interested in seeing exactly how people feel and why. Considering all factors — sociological, biological, cultural, psychological, whatever — whose navigation through life is generally more hazardous: Black men’s or Black women’s?

And, most importantly, why?

Let the Oppression Olympics begin!

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Words I Hope My Daughter Never Says

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As a father, this is the scariest.possibility.ever.

Father’s Day was yesterday so shoutouts to all the dads out there. I came across something that I think all men who either have children or aspire towards fatherhood could appreciate. So I figured I’d share. And it comes from the wonderful world of Kendra Wilkinson.

Admittedly, I don’t much about Kendra outside of the fact that she used to be one of Hugh Hefner’s girls and then married and got knocked up by a pro-football player of various levels of success in the NFL. She somehow got two television shows out of it. I respect her hustle.

If you spend any time on Twitter, you’ll hear somebody mention her on occasion and she was all over various gossip blogs and pop culture sites. So when I came across this video on Global Grind, I figured, what the hell, let’s see what she’s talking about. Plus it was entitled, “Kendra Reveals What She Loves About Black Men!”

I’m always curious when these types of questions (“what do you love about Black men?”) are asked of white women who are dating or married to Black men. It’s such a loaded question and there’s (usually) no way for these women to answer without sounding like some type of fetishist who is hypnotized by the wang. Even Kendra alludes to the myth without saying a word. But then she goes into the most original yet non-sensical answer I’ve likely ever heard in my entire life about what she loves about Black men.

Apparently, Kendra is the Black man whisperer. She’s able to relate and talk to Black men more than anybody else. She can talk more to a Black man than a white man, a white woman, a Black woman, a llama, etc. Hmmm…that’s…different. I wasn’t even aware that our conversations were that different in general, but somehow she can likely talk for hours to a Black man whereas she runs out of stuff to talk to a white dude.

Well, I do declare. That is new. And likely horse manure. But I’m sure she means it. It’s probably true in her life, if only because she creates the atmosphere that way. She thinks she can talk longer to Black men so she DOES talk longer to Black men. Self-fulfilling swag proper. It’s still a sort of ridiculous thing to love about Black men. Mostly because that has nothing to do with Black men and everything to do with her and her ability to “relate” to Black men. Which I also think is probably not quite accurate. So the title of the article the video comes from is a bit mis-leading.

But it’s my fault for being curious about her response to a question like that anyway, even if it was mostly just for kneejerk science research purposes. You get what you pay for, or so they say.

There’s something else worthy of note here, and hence the reason for this post anyway. In the video she states that her two mentors are Too $hort and Hugh Hefner. I’m not a psychologist so I won’t offer any in-depth analysis here, but let’s just say that if my daughter were to ever tell me that either of those two men were her mentors in life, I might actually kill myself. It would signal to me that I’ve failed as a parent, as a man, and as a father. I’ve let one slip away. Granted, she’s a Playboy Bunny and was one of various girlfriends of the Hef and she can talk to Black men better than anybody else so I suppose it makes sense in her life. But damn, that one hurt me a little…as a father.

In the grand scheme of things that you hope that your daughter never says in life, “Too $hort is my mentor” has to be somewhere near the top. It’s nowhere near as bad as “Daddy, those guys ran a train on me and I liked it” but definitely in the same league as “I’m a stripper, dad, deal with it!” In fact, if your daughter tells you that Too $hort is her mentor it’s because you’ve not only NOT been there but you’ve been such a piss poor reflection of manhood that a man who has non-ironically nor accidentally dedicated his life towards pimpdom has provided guidance to your kid. Yes, you should one yourself if that were to happen. The mere thought alone gives me the willies. And you do NOT want the willies.

Hearing her say that actually brought me some sadness. Le sigh and sh*t. But it also struck fear into my heart because hell, it’s a motherlovin’ possibility.

I will say this, just in that short video I realized that she is an interesting individual if only because the way she got to this life HAS to be interesting. Why the hell does she know Too $hort well enough for him to be considered a mentor ANYWAY? These are the types of questions that keep me awake at night.

So in honor of Father’s Day, but opening the floor to the people of the VSB-ora, what are some things that you hope your child, boy or girl, never ever says either to you or definitely not in public forum? Let’s do some preventative parenting today.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. OH NO YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT LIL NINJA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC area folks: Come out for a relationship panel brought to you and moderated by Jasmine of TheJasmineBrand.com featuring Panama Jackson as a panelist, today, June 18, from 6-8pm at Lace Lounge (2214 Rhode Island Avenue, NE). Sponsored by Qream Liquer, there will be complimentary Qream cocktails from 6-630pm. Peep the flyer for details and information on additional panelists.

How Idris Elba Proves That “Cool’ Is More Important Than “Swag”

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If you were to ask 1000 random Black women to name the single sexiest and most attractive man in American pop culture today, I’d bet a month’s pay that Idris Elba would come out on top. In fact, considering the sheer obsession some women seem to have for him — at a house party I attended a couple weeks ago, I heard a woman call him “the epitome of sexy” — I wouldn’t be surprised if he got 20 to 30 percent of the votes.

This in itself isn’t surprising. Elba is an “understandably attractive” man (“understandably attractive” = “other guys get why woman are into him and even expect them to be”), and he’s the best current candidate to fill the “Black hearthrob with a first name no other American has ever had” quota previously manned by Denzel Washington.

What is surprising, though, is that if you asked the same 1000 women to name the one celebrity whose sexual appeal is completely overrated, Idris Elba might get first place on that list too. There seems to be just as many women who don’t see what the big deal about him is as there are who are infatuated with him.

On face value, this doesn’t make much sense. Actually, lemme rephrase that. It doesn’t make much sense…until you remember how he first entered our collective consciousness: As Stringer Bell on HBO’s “The Wire”

Cool, calculating, manipulative, imposing, and always the “smartest man in the room” — well, at least he thought he was always the smartest man in the room — few characters in television history had as much of a cultural impact as Bell did, and the previously unknown Elba was the perfect person for that star-making role.

Why does this matter? Well, it seems like Black women’s feelings about Elba are directly correlated to when they first saw him. Basically, my completely unscientific opinion tells me that the majority of the women who are gaga over him first saw him as Stringer Bell, while the majority of the women who don’t see what the big deal is first saw him in “Obsessed” or “Sometimes in April” or “Daddy’s Little Girls” — roles where he’s nowhere near as cool as he was on “The Wire.”

Now, if you were to ask those same Idris-obsessed women what exactly it is about him that saturates their panties, most would probably cite something having to do with his unmistakable and indescribable swagger. While I won’t say they’re incorrect, I think it goes a bit deeper than that.

As stated earlier, women who first saw Elba on “The Wire” seem to be the ones most enthralled with his “swag.” This is no accident. The character was intentionally written to be a person practically dripping in brooding confidence, and Idris Elba was placed in a perfect position to show off his attributes. His swag was able to resonate so deeply because of the manufactured coolness of the character he portrayed. In this sense, David Simon was the best wingman ever.

While thinking about how Elba’s hold over Black women’s ovaries is directly connected to him being placed in a position that enabled him to be cool, I couldn’t help but also think about how it applies to our dating and relationships lives. More specifically, how we put a premium on a man’s swagger and the effect it has on women even though his “coolness” actually matters much more than that.

The swagger/emotive confidence thing is something that many men just aren’t ever going to be able to possess. But, while many assume that this is a death knell to a man’s dating life (especially a Black man’s), any man can be cool if they can find a way to replicate the type of environment that made Idris the “epitome of sexy.” It probably won’t happen on the same scale (and by “probably” I mean “definitely”), but it can happen.

The problem with nerdy/socially awkward/introverted guys who claim to have difficulties meeting and attracting women isn’t their lack “swag” or that all women want bad boys or whatever self-depreciating excuse of the month happens to be popular. No, they’re  struggling because many of them are desperately trying to be something they’re not, and they haven’t found a way to manufacture their cool yet, leaving them stuck competing in places where they have no chance to succeed.

Let me put it this way: If you’re a shy and somewhat socially awkward engineer who has to labor to approach and talk to women, nightclubs, bars, and lounges probably aren’t the best places for you to meet them. You know what would be though? A NSBE conference. You know what would be even better? A NSBE conference where you’re a speaker on a panel about some super smart shit only 17 other people in the world understand. You know what would be even better than that? A panel you organized to gather people interested in some super smart engineer shit.

Basically, if you’re not “cool” in a traditional sense, put yourself in a position that enables you to be cool. And, if those positions don’t currently exist, invent them!

If you’re good at what you do and you’re able to put yourself in a position where your talents are recognized, trust me when I say that regardless of how weird, unusual, or “uncool” your specific skill is, there will be people out there who appreciate you for it. (and by “people” I mean “women”) Shit, if you’re a cat who happens to be an expert crocheter and a comic book maven, start a professional network for crocheting-ass n*ggas who like to read comic books, and watch how much more popular and “cool” you’ll get in if actually takes off.

Maybe you’ll never be the swagged out cat who attracts all the eyes at the club like Stringer Bell. But, if you’re a friendless recluse who has more experience with computer codes than coochie, invent something that brings people into your environment, on your playing field — something that makes people acknowledge whatever unique skill you bring to the table. If it worked for Mark Zuckerberg, it can also work for you.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***If you haven’t noticed, we also posted our first “Very Smart Single” today as well. Check out R.G.’s profile and hit us up at contact@verysmartbrothas.com if interested in her***

On Saturday, June 2, 2012, we’ve got another edition of REMINSCE at Liv Nightclub coming up! Except this time, we’re gonna be celebrating Panama’s birthday! Please come out and hang the VSB team. Plus, it’s free before 11pm w/RSVP (reminiscedc.eventbrite.com) and $10 after. AND there’s an open bar from 930-10:30 WITH NO DRESS CODE. You can come in shorts because it gets HOT in there.

Yes It’s True…Black Guys Can Like White Girls AND Black Girls Too

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Do you realize that being seen with you means I can never go to the Essence festival again? Damn you cavewoman! Damn you!!!!

A week or so ago, our favorite least favorite (and newly single) professional athlete was spotted at The Watch The Throne concert with professional wifey Sanaa Lathan. Now, whether they just happened to run into each other there or were filming Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright has yet to be determined, but apparently they were quite cozy. So cozy in fact that they were reported to be togethertogether, a rumor Lathan quickly shut down. 

From her Twitter feed

Can a girl have some fun at a jayz/kanye concert w/out being linked 2 a breakup? I AM NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, INVOVLED W/KOBE IN ANY WAY.

Whether they’re actually an item or not doesn’t matter to or interest me. They’re both rich, famous, black, and named after yoga poses, so I guess they’d be a good match. What does interest me, though, is the assumption that Kobe wouldn’t touch Sanaa in a million years, a sentiment she reiterated in her next tweet.

@justsanaa: Anybody who pays attention knows I’m not his type… Blank stare. #blackgirlsrock #dontbelievethelies¹

What exactly was she getting at? I mean, we’re all pretty certain that, despite his propensity for prolonged bitchassness, Kobe isn’t homosexual. He definitely does like women, so why wouldn’t he be interested in a woman as good-looking as Sanaa Lathan?

Ohhh, I get it now. Kobe was married to a non-black woman for a decade. This must mean that he’s definitely, automatically, unequivocally, and unquestionably not attracted to black women at all.

Now, I don’t know Kobe at all. He may very well hate black women with the white hot heat of 1000 AKA thongs. His favorite movies might be “The Imitation of Life,” “Othello,” and “Jungle Fever,” and his favorite animal might be the panda bear. Who the hell knows? I do know, though, that the widely held “fact” that if a black man dates outside of his race, it automatically means he’s not into black women is completely f*cking wrong.

Admittedly, I do understand where this sentiment comes from and why it’s so widely held. Centuries of having to deal with people like Satoshi Kanazawa can produce a circle-the-wagons mentality where any affront to black women’s desirability — real or perceived — is met with immediate rebuke. Also, there are some black men who, as soon as they reach a certain status level, put sistas on permanent ”ignore.” (This doesn’t happen as often as many of us think it does, but it does happen.)

Thing is, this theory ignores two vital facts.

1. Proximity and availability are easily the two most important factors when men are choosing mates. If you see a black man with a non-black women, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because she happened to be around, happened to be single, and happened to be interested in him. That’s it. No self-loathing. No hatred of black skin. No angry tweets about Michelle Obama’s gums.

And, most importantly…

2. Women are all the same. 

Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t.  But, when it comes down to what makes a woman a woman, I also do realize that black women, white women, Asian women, Hispanic women, Indian women, aboriginal women, and women from Detroit aren’t really all that different. Sure, from an individual perspective they all have their own personal quirks and characteristics and nuances, but collectively all chicks are pretty much the same. (I feel the exact same way about men, btw. Despite my world-renowned awesomeness, there’s really no difference between me and some random New Zealand-ass n*gga.) 

I’m bringing this up because, once you realize that women aren’t really all that different from each other, you start to see how a man could be equally attracted to Jill Scott and Natalie Portman. (If you think this is too far-fetched of a comparison, you obviously don’t know me very well, and you obviously didn’t click on those last two links) In fact, you start to understand how a man could date/marry a white women even if he’s still much more attracted to sistas. Sh*t, I love female teachers, but that doesn’t mean that I’d never date a lawyer. (That last analogy was much more clever in my head than it is on screen, but I think you get my point.)

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m curious: When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas? Do you think you’re right to feel that way? If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?

¹This tweet has since been deleted

—The Champ