Black America’s Secret Shame

As we all know, February is Black History Month. For the record, I’m not one of those people who complain that somehow Black history coincides with the shortest month of the year. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. It’s not like we (and by we, I mean those Black folks who complain that Black History Month is the shortest month of the year) really commemorate Black achievements all day everyday anyway. Besides, it used to be Black History WEEK, so I look at it like this…

…we got 21 more days to complain that America doesn’t do enough to celebrate Black achievements and accomplishments!

BAZINGA!

Anyway, being as its Black people month, and being as that I’m Black, I see it only fitting that I dedicate some posts in February to Black topics. Its gonna be on and poppin’. As well it should be since Black folks often get it on and poppin’ with things such as the bottle formerly known as Cristal, thongs, pills, and basketball. One could say we are a poppalicious people, though I prefer the bootylicious nature of Black women. And I don’t care how much you hate Beyonce, “Bootylicious” (written and produced/co-produced/conceived by Beyonce) was a great moment in Black history. Honestly…with lyrics like, “I don’t think you’re ready/for this jelly”, how could it not progress Black society. Kids everywhere were running around embarassing the sh*t out of us folks that can read talking about being bootylicious. Hell, even WHITE girls got into the act, further making me want to kill myself.

Okay, I swear that there is a point in there somewhere.

Ah yes, Black America’s secret shame. There are different kinds of Black folks out there. I know, shocker. Many have tried to paint Black people with one brush and say that we are all one and the burdens of my brother are my burdens. And I used to believe that until a strange thing happened one day. Can you guess what it was? Go ahead, take a gander.

*singing “I’m sexy and I know it”*

Done guessing?? Good. What happened to me was that I learned how to read.

*gasp*

That might sound messed up, but fret not, it gets worse. When I learned to read, a whole new world opened up to me. Butterfly’s in the sky, hell, I could fly twice as high like Aladdin and Jasmine! The older I’ve gotten and the more I’ve read, the more things have changed. Over time, I learned to not be afraid of information and actually seek it out causing me to do things that other Black men didn’t do like…go to college. Or even graduate. No Kanye.

So it was in this new world with new knowledge I obtained from reading new sh*t that I started to notice the differences between Black people. And just to be purposefully offensive, I’ll state some of the differences I noticed:

Some Black folks worked, some didn’t.

Some lived in suburbs, some lived in projects.

Some tried to assimilate into white society, some acted like assholes in public…almost seeming to be on purpose.

Some were reserved, some are just loud.

These are just a few of the differences. But that last one is the one that stands out to me. It brought to my attention and epiphanized a strange phenomenon in the Black community. It would seem that Black America’s Secret Shame is…

…hold on…

…it’s coming…

…wait for it…

…Black people.

Yes. Black people. Black American’s are secretly ashamed of other Black people. I know. It’s one of the most fucked up things you’ve ever heard. I hear you looking at me crazy. But it’s true. Black people that can read and write, and have gardens to tend, and garages that actually house cars, and have the OPTION to live amongst white people are ashamed of other Black people.

[***DISCLAIMER: These are fun, I swear. Which Black people am I talking about that are ashamed of other Black people??? You ninja. Yes you, the Black person that is reading this right now instead of in the projects affectionately known as WorldStarHipHop. The Black person who reads and writes. F*ck that, the Black person who ENJOYS reading. Yes, you. Does it sound elitist? Yes it does...but here's the test: if you have at any point in your existence, been somewhere, and an unruly group of Black youth have come into your presence and you cringed and/or uttered the word "n*ggas" under your breath...then this means you. Mmkay pumpkin?***]

Believe you me, it’s true. It’s a sad reality yet one that exists. Take for instance young Black folks on subway systems across America. Now those youth don’t care about being loud and obnoxious. Hell, it’s what kids do. However, you care. You wonder to yourself , why the hell they won’t shut up. Then you do scan the audience the kids have attracted. You scan the white faces for disapproval, and then you scan the Black faces for disgust.

For some reason, both the Black and white people are upset at the ungodly display of the youths. White folks will just have their notions reinforced, and Black folks will be afraid that the white folks are having their notions reinforced. And somewhere shame comes into the picture. Black folks start to think, “dammit, why won’t they just act right, they are making us all look bad. F*ckin’ cockaroaches!”

You have experienced…honest to goodness…

…shame.

Shame for fear that those Black folks who aren’t like you are setting us normal Black folks back years and years. It is that same shame that occurs when you take a ghetto member of your family out with you who then proceeds to act a damn fool on purpose, proving why they are the ghetto member of your family.

But you know what, they are ashamed of you too.

Sometimes they are trying to prove a point, too. The point may be that you aren’t any better than they are. And they are just as ashamed because they feel like you sold out when they remember when you all used to sleep three to a bed. They are ashamed, and thus shaming your bougie ass into realizing that you aren’t any better than they are. Hmm, ironic isn’t it. The better off we are, the more reminders we get from folks who aren’t so well off that we ain’t sh*t and didn’t come from sh*t.

Differences.

I’m not judging nor looking down on anybody. I’ve done more than my fair share in both worlds. As far as I’m concerned we all came from nothing. Essentially, I love all my Black peoples. EXCEPT those ignant somebodies who feel the need to make me look bad so that they don’t look bad by themselves. Crabs in a barrel are a b*tch. And it is those Black folks who draw my ire time and time again. The ones who are ashamed but secretly jealous of the Black folks who are doing well because those Black folks are sellouts and have no place in the hood. Those Black folks who are ashamed of other Black folks success because they don’t have it.

But it goes the other way too. Those Black folks who are educated and well to do, who are ashamed of their lower income brothers and sisters who may not have had the same opportunities that they’ve had. The ones who turn their noses up at less privileged Blacks with no provocation. The ones who talk about the ghetto without ever having been to the ghetto or lived there. The ones who laugh when some of us drink Kool-Aid. Hell, the ones who don’t realize that “red” is a flavor, and judge Black folks who know that it indeed is a flavor. Basically, Black folks who have the time to castigate other Black folks because they’ve made it and refuse to accept that making it where you’ve made it wasn’t solely on your own merit. Sometimes, folks believed in you enough to not let you fail. And it’s those folks that refuse to recognize or accept that, who are ashamed of lower income Black folks and their lot in life. Those Black folks piss me off too.

And there you have it. Black America’s secret shame is other Black people. From rich to poor, we are all ashamed of one another for reasons that are beyond me that will continue to keep us down. Sometimes we show out for white folks by showing them how comfortable they should be around us. We have a term for that…selling out. And sometimes we show out for white folks to show them that we don’t give a sh*t about them, except what we’re doing is furthering their own beliefs that Black folks have no damn sense anyway and are all useless. We have a term for this too…being a dbag. And they all lead to the same end…shame from some other member of the Black race.

And this is why we won’t make it as a people…and you know what…

…it’s a damn shame.

Ain’t it?

What say you?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. SUPER B.A.S.S. aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC heads, its time again for another edition of REMINISCE! at Liv Nightclub this Saturday, February 4th, 2012 from 930pm til 3am. It’s all 90s everything and anybody who has been will tell you this party is a motherf*cking monster. It’s FREE BEFORE 11PM WITH RSVP ($10 after) (click the link to RSVP), OPEN BAR FROM 930-1030PM (doors open earlier b/c people keep showing up MAD early) and no dress code. Supa Qool DJ Quartermaine on the 1s and 2s. Come on out and we’ll see you on Saturday night! Peep the FB event here!

The Post-Racial Tipping Point?

Confused? Me too. This is how I feel right now.

Last week we looked at Herman Cain’s place in the Black community…well, now CNN is claiming that Cain’s race isn’t as important to conservatives as it used to be. And it’s got me ponderin’.

See, I’m baffled. Damn near dumbfounded. I almost feel like I’m sitting in some alternate reality where Michael Jackson is Black and it doesn’t matter if you’re Black or white.

Why, you ask?

Well, for the first time in history, it seems like nobody in the Republican party realizes – or cares – that Herman Cain is…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…Black.

Now either the majority of Black people are indeed full of sh*t or something odd is going on. For years, Black folks have been shown, taught, and reminded that race was as important a factor in our lives as our education, money, or Tyler Perry. There’s a popular meme in the Black community that no matter who you are or how much money you have, you’re still just an educated n*gga with money.
Yet, somehow, Herman Cain seems to be in a plausible position to push forward and actually secure the Republican nomination for President. Is it possible that we could have two Black men competing for the nations’s highest position?

Like, for real?

Just to keep it gully, I think Justin Bieber has a better chance of making it into a BET cypher than two Black men running for President, against each other. I think that welllllll before we get to the formal nomination Herman Cain will say something else ridiculous (akin to his belief that people in that small Tennessee town were right to stop a mosque from being built on land owned by the Muslims building the mosque or electrocuting Mexicans) or somehow fall out of favor. Will it be solely because as we get closer, white people will somehow wake up and realize, “hold the phone, that’s a Black man up there”? I don’t know. And to be fair, I don’t actually think that everybody’s racist.

But I can’t lie, I’m surprised by the fact that for the first time in Black history, a man’s policies and principles seem to be touted by the party that currently and almost intentionally seems to have the least amount of color amongst their representation. I’ve seen coworkers sing his praises with happiness and tout his plans. And yes, Virginia, they’re white.

Hank Williams, Jr, in the now famous segment that got him kicked out of Monday Night Football lore, said that Herman Cain was the only GOP candidate that made any sense.

Hear ye, hear ye. Hold me.

Would his ascension to the Republican nomination be proof that we are truly living in a post-racial world and that the vast majority of us Black folks complaining about race need to shut up? No. I will forever feel like white people view certain members of our populace as exceptions. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Herman Cain, etc. These aren’t regular Black people.

They’re different.

And they’re all politicians of sorts. Herman Cain’s biggest asset seems to be knowing how to say what white people want to hear. It’s a true skill, trust me.

Interesting enough, all of the racial rhetoric coming out of the GOP involving Cain seems to be coming from him. He seems to be touting a certain type of dissociated Blackness, which is why so many Black people don’t trust him. He’s speaking all of that “you can do it because I did it, by myself” non-sense that gets many people labeled modern day Uncle Toms. It’s an interesting sort of alienation politics that grants him good favor amongst white people (his entire base at this point) and pisses off nearly every Black person within a 1-mile radius. Even his alma mater (and mine), Morehouse College, isn’t exactly singing his praises right now. And amongst the HBCU circuit, this might be the first time nobody wants any part of this competition.

While there is some truth to what he’s saying – for a significant portion of us, our failures are largely our own doing – to ignore the centuries of institutionalized racism is probably as idiotic a mentality as one can have. We have plenty of proof via actual studies about people with ethnic names not getting called back for job interviews while “mainstream” named people (think Jim, John, Beth, Sarah) get the opportunity to interview for a job. And since jobs are a big part of the current political landscape, I think that very real study is telling.

Some of the excitement I’m reading about the Tea Party and GOP’s approval of Cain almost seems ironic. Their excitement is largely driven by proving to people that they aren’t racist. It’s like learning play jazz flute in order to tease the kid up the street who plays jazz flute. If they support a Black man, they cannot inherently be racist. Further, Herman Cain’s popularity proves that race isn’t a big deal.

Yeah, we’ll see when it comes time to pull that lever. Granted, we’re still a long way away from a formal nomination which is why I think that these conversations keep happening. Nobody really seems happy with the current crop of candidates anyway so Cain is something like a positive by not being so negative for the GOP. But I can’t lie, I might have to eat my hat if he actually were to get nominated by the Republican party.

The larger point still remains though: I’m completely surprised by Cain’s success at this point because he is, indeed, Black. It honestly seemed like so many people who disliked (and still do) President Obama did so for very little more than petty reasoning, which makes the race card seem appropriate. His entire presidency has seemed like he’s been running from behind because everybody wanted him to fail. You can’t ignore the big elephant in the room.

But somehow that doesn’t matter with Cain…yet. So maybe we are in a post-racial world. Or not.

Talk to me AFTER he gets nominated.

Does Cain’s popularity amongst the GOP indicate that we are in a post-racial America? Or are we watching an early form of the Bradley effect taking place? Or more sinister, do you Republicans are just trying to make a point??

What gives?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka THE LESSER HALF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

[ADMIN NOTE: At midnight on October 20, we're going to take VSB offline until next week while we finish handling all of the site issues we seem to be having. Most people seem to not be suffering from random f*ckery due to our site being hacked but enough are that we need to go offline to fix them. We'll be back on Monday. Thanks for sleepwalking with the kids and sorry for any inconvenience. Posse out.]

The Biggest and Baddest On-Going Battles In The Black Community

Somebody's got to die!

Worse than the Hatfields and the McCoys, bloodier than the Barksdales vs the Stanfield crew battle, and possibly even stupider than the Montague vs Capulet feud, the on-going acrimony between natural haired sistas and, um, unnatural haired sistas has officially reached it’s boiling point. Lives will be lost. Livestock will be raped. And, according to Demetria Lucas, discounts will be had.

From “Does Natural Hair Get You Ahead?”

Over the weekend, I read a story about a club promoter in Atlanta who was offering discounts to women with natural hair.

According to The Grio, the promoter expressed his “utter disdain” for weaves and love for natural hair on his blog, which includes a section where readers can find natural hair blogs and products.

“Now he’s putting his money where his mouth is,” TheGrio.com reports. “By giving $10 off tickets to his Atlanta Classic Post-Game Affair on the 24th of [September] and $5-$10 discounts to his FAMU Homecoming event [this past Friday]. Discounts [were] available to women with natural hair, and they[used] the code ‘natural’ when buying tickets.”

Now, I don’t plan on writing a comprehensive post breaking down all of the issues between black women with natural hair and black women with perms. Why? Well, I just don’t feel like writing the 200,000 or words that would be necessary to do that. But, I will say that this battle is just one of the more prominent of the many wars going on within our community today — decades-long points of contention that have the power to split families, end marriages, and, in some extreme cases, bleach skin.

Here’s a few more.

Lightskinned vs Darkskinned

The granddaddy of them all, you can argue that everything on this list stems from this historically heavy topic. You can also argue that since he was the only person in recorded history to successfully man up and fight on both sides, Michael Jackson needs a f*cking holiday.

HBCU vs PWI

A battle that’ll be even more contentious in the next couple of weeks, as hundreds of universities around the country will hold their homecomings, giving HBCU alums their yearly opportunity to be condescending f*cks and annoy the ever living sh*t out of everyone around them. Btw, HBCU brethren, you can continue to try, but you’re just not going to ever succeed at making me feel bad that I didn’t do undergrad at Cheney or Prairie View A&M. I appreciate the effort, though.

Northern vs Southern Blacks

A battle which basically comes down to the fact that northern blacks assume southerners are stupid, and southern blacks assume northerners are stupid for preferring Range Rovers over Impalas.

Uber-Christian Blacks vs Everyone Else

In the most lopsided battle yet, uber-Christian blacks are kicking the asses of the secular blacks so badly that many of the uber-Christian black leaders (Eddie Long, Donnie McClurkin, etc) have switched teams to make things more even.

Anyway, people of VSB.com: Will any of these battles ever end? Also, can you think of any other battles that should have made the cut?

Lastly (and most importantly), which of these wars would you spend $59.95 to watch on PPV?

—The Champ

***If you get a minute, check out “Does He Love Me” — The Champ’s latest at Madame Noire***

Who’s To Blame?

***If you haven’t already, check out “10 Things You Probably Don’t Need to Know About Black Porn (…but I’m going to tell you anyway)” — The Champ’s latest at The GoodMenProject***

Unhealthy romantic relationships and their fallout are the bane of the black community’s existence. Every major issue plaguing us — poverty, crime, dropout rates, Tami Roman’s weave, etc — is either a peripheral or straight up direct effect of our collective inability to choose the right partner and be the right partner.

And, while there are myriad factors contributing to this, today, in 2011, most of the blame lies with us. But, in what’s quite possibility the longest, weirdest, dumbest, and more important “chicken/egg” game ever played, we can’t quite figure out if women should shoulder the majority of the blame for continually choosing shitty partners to mate with, or if men are mainly to blame for f*cking women over and not giving them many options.

In order to finally find some solutions, I invited the two smartest black people in the world — twins Jack and Jill Jenkins of Youngstown, Ohio — to VSB today to debate both the male and female perspectives. Hopefully we’ll finally be able to decide on an answer after hearing their arguments.

Jack: Even though most of y’all broads don’t deserve it, I still believe in chivalry. Because of this, I’ll let Jill make her argument first.

Jill: Ha! Let me? Negro, half of y’all can’t even buy a car without getting a cosign from a dick-drunk white girl. The only thing you’ll “let” me do is whip your ass in this debate.

Jack: One question: When you go to bed at night surrounded by your 27 cats, do you give each of them an individual good night hug or do you just hug them collectively?

Jill: Anyway…look. I and the rest of the African-American female populace are tired of being blamed for all ailing the black community. We’re fed up with being depicted as bitter and antagonistic welfare-dependent Bust-it Babies who contribute nothing to American culture other than Tyra Banks and the five future demons from hell who made their way out of our vaginas and are going to rob you and rape your pets in 10 years.

And, most importantly, I’m absolutely sick at the fact that some of y’all hypocrite analog-ass n*ggas have the audacity to blame us for getting played and occasionally left barefoot and pregnant by you. I admit that we need to make better dating and relationship decisions, but right now, you can’t fault us for not seeing the rare glass of water in the middle of the thousands of cups of bleach and beaver shit we’re forced to drink from.

Jack: Shhhh. You hear that noise?

Jill: What noise?

Jack: That’s the sound of the world’s smallest violin, playing a tune for the black woman’s woes. If you listen closely it actually sounds like it’s playing “Up Jumps The Boogie” by Timbaland and Magoo.

Listen, spare me with your sob story about being blamed for everything. Black males are still the one’s getting killed at record rates, we’re still dying of hypertension when we’re 37, we’re still having entire political campaigns playing on everyone’s fear of us, and we’re still being made to look like hyper-violent 4 year old superthugs. In the bi-annual Oppression Olympics — held yearly in Oprah’s backyard, er, Gayle King’s mansion — we’ve received each gold medal in every event.

But, I’m not here to talk about that. What I do want to discuss is why we get blamed for the shitty dating decisions that you all continue to make. Yes, it’s true that many women in the hood are left barefoot and pregnant by dudes, never to be heard from again. But, what’s also true is the fact that it’s usually the exact same dude knocking up the entire hood! Raheem, Raymond, Rakeem, Rakim, and Rashawn don’t each have multiple babies. No, Raheem has like 18 by himself; going door to door like a Jevohah’s Witness, leaving semen deposits instead of copies of Awake! Yes, it’s true that professional black women may have trouble finding and keeping men. But, what’s also true is that the same 573 chicks are usually each fighting over and f*cking the same seven guys.

Jill: Oh, here we go again with the “the community is f*cked up because all of us dumb black broads want the same men” argument. Seriously, this theory has weaker legs than Stephen Hawking. What you and your brethren fail to realize is that black male relationship dysfunction comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Many of the men claiming to be “good guys” are just wolves in disguise; guys who aren’t able to live the “player” lifestyle they want and haven’t been able to bag the video vixen they so desire, so they end up tricking us into dating them and liking them before they show their true colors.

Sh*t, you don’t think we all want to meet a nice man? You don’t think we want to be able to trust someone? You don’t think we want someone to love us back? Someone who’ll commit? Someone who we know will at least attempt to hang around if I end up pregnant?

Jack: Actually, I don’t think you want those things at all. I think you know how to say that you want them. I think that you know that you’re supposed to want them. But, your actions don’t follow your words. If you truly wanted all those things they’d be at the top of the list when you’re thinking of desirable qualities that a mate should have.

Instead, you end up being led by your stupid-ass p*ssy, and instead of meeting men who you know already have those traits, you end up falling for some loser, hoping that he’ll eventually have them too. And, as long as there is no incentive to be “good” — and by “incentive” I mean “p*ssy” —  you’re going to see more and more men go the dog route.

Jill: That’s exactly what I’m talking about!!! Why does it always come back to us? Why are we the ones who always have to be the social arbiters, the one’s responsible for whether everyone makes the right decision? I thought men were supposed to be the Alphas dogs, the leaders! Why can’t you police your own damn selves and just do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing for once, motherf*cker?

Jack: Get the hell off your moral high horse. People (all people, men and women) are going to do what’s expected of them and what they’re allowed to do. The only difference between you and us is the fact that you’re policed by your uterus. If you subtracted the possibility of pregnancy, y’all would be “unpoliced” just like we are. You think it’s coincidence that our families started to go in the shitter at the exact same time y’all became “sexually liberated” and started popping birth control pills like they were Tic Tacs? Male behavior has always been the same. The only difference now is that it became cool for you all to be hoes.

Jill: I see someone has recently graduated from the Michelle Bachmann school of Misremembering Facts. “Our families started to go in the shitter” when you all decided to go all Dirk Diggler on us in the 70′s; staying home all day and sleeping in different beds every night. Also, do you realize that you’re trying to convince me that a man’s truest instinct is to run away from responsibilities they created? You do realize that, right? You’re basically trying to get me to believe that an unpoliced black man will do something that no other animal in the entire f*cking kingdom does? Do you really want to “win” that argument and convince me that even roaches have more of a moral foundation that black men?

You know what? Nevermind that. Seriously, though, Jack. No one is asking you all to be saints. Just be as decent to us as we’ve tried to be to you. Just make a gotdamn f*cking effort. Is that too much to ask?

Jack: Do you really want me to answer that question?

Jill: No, I don’t. I don’t believe a word of anything you say anymore, so your answer would pointless.

Jack: That’s a shame.

Jill: I know.

—The Champ

***FOR THE DMV VSBers: Come join Panama Jackson this Saturday, August 6, 2011, from 10pm-3am at Liv Nightclub for Reminisce, a party dedicated to the the 90s brought to you by Shine On M Productions x Just Cause x Very Smart Brothas. With music provided by Sup Qool DJ Quartermaine, it’s going to be a throwback to the days when most of us were in college and living the good life. All 90s hip-hop/r&b/dancehall all night long. And most importantly (and best of all) its FREE until midnight ($5 cover after) OPEN BAR on rail liquor from 10-11pm and NO DRESS CODE. Come out and party like you used to do to the music you still listen to and take a shot with Panama Jackson.***

The People Vs. Conversate

I get the feeling that one of these ninjas conversates and the other one converses.

For the life of me, I can’t understand why some Black folks HATE the word “conversate” so much. In the reading ninja commrunity, hearing a Black person say “conversate” is akin to a white person using the word n-word. All of a sudden the sky opens up and the spirits of dead slaves pour down their disappointments and blackberry molasses upon the souls of Black folks. You know somethings will never change.

But really, what’s the big damn deal? I get it. It’s not a real word. (Sidenote: According to Dictionary.com, it is commonly recognized as a word nowadays, who knew?) But we make up words all of the time. Look —-> trill.

I know for a motherlovin’ fact that a huge segment of the reading populace was runnin’ around talking about how “trill” things were. I know I was. There was even a southern d-boy argument about who came up with the term. That’s how serious it was. Granted it’s a slang term and perhaps that’s where the argument breaks down. Perhaps the big problem is the assumption that people using the word “conversate” don’t actually know any better. These ignant ninjas really are ignorant. There’s no joke. No punchline. They’re allegedly using it because they don’t know that it’s “converse”. But are they really? Put a pin in that, we’ll come back to it later.

Now, I could chalk that up to syntax and English snobbery. Hell, Twitter has proven that even the smartest of ninjas really have no idea how to spell common words and phrases they’ve been using for eons. This commonly riles people up, understandbly, I suppose. For example:

For all intensive purposes. I can’t tell you how many people I know with degrees show up on Twitter or Facebook and write that statement and effectively admit that they have no effin’ clue what it is that they’ve been really saying despite knowing how to use it.

Back to “trill” for a second and this idea of not knowing any better. While the reading ninja in me loves made up words, I also know when to use them. I won’t be sitting in a meeting with my boss and point out how “trill” a certain estimate of something is. It won’t happen. And I think we can safely assume that most reading ninjas won’t. But, again assuming, that the people who use “conversate” don’t know any better, maybe the fear is that they WOULD use that word, on purpose, in a setting where they’d make us all look bad. Is that it?

Understandably, somebody who uses conversate might likely use that word in any setting or circumstance, regardless of who’s present. Whereas I, again, know better. Here’s another monkey wrench – does it carry more weight if a white person says it? I’m asking because I get the impression that this isnt’ a Black thing, it’s a “conversate” thing. It’s a tricky English language thing. I can imagine a foreigner mistakingly thinking that two people have a “conversation”, but one person might “conversate” with another. Would anybody be upset if that happened?

To make that even more f*cked up, you go from “orientation” to “orientate”. Tell me that ain’t confrusing, Young Buck.

Let’s be real, English is one of the hardest languages to learn because of how many other languages we’ve pulled from. Not to mention the myriad homonyms, synonyms, etc. Hell, I can barely make it through some of the books like Souls of Black Folks because of the language use and I’m a motherf*cking honeybadger. We’re all aware of people who are extremely learned who don’t have a full grasp of the English language and all its nuance. And it’s not SUCH a huge leap to think that “conversate” is a real word. I mean, my ni**a, Converse iz and are shoes.

Hell, quick, quick…somebody define, without looking up: gerund.

But “conversate” is like nails on a chalkboard for many a ninja. It’s almost like the delineating point between ignant ninjadom and breaking out of the hood or something. In an odd twist of irony, I think I’ve jokingly heard “conversate” so much that I’ve had to check myself before to make sure that it wasn’t actually the right way to say “talk to a ni**a”.

Actually, that might be the legal definition of “conversate”.

Here’s another issue, I think “conversate” actually sounds better than “converse”. Unlike “irregardless” which clearly sounds horrible and is a double negative. But that all comes down to personal preference I suppose. And seeing as my ignorance is sophisticated, for all intensive purposes, I only use “conversate” in the midst of a powwow with somebody who eats #flamingyoung. Or who can at least appreciate what just happened there.

If you have no idea what #flamingyoung is, then you also have no idea what #theplate is and need to spend more time dealing with Black people who deal with other Black people who spend inordinate amounts of time on Twitter.

So VSBNation, I ask you, what’s the big damn deal with the hatred for the term “conversate”? And why do we seem to conflate it to mean so much more than it actually is?

Conversate with P.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. YOU’D LET ME TEACH YOUR KIDS AND I’D TEACH THEM CONVERSATE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3