Tag Archives: black community

Landmark Moments In The Black Community – The B-Sides

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We black, we know it. We dancing. It's our birthday. Booty butt cheeks. Booty butt cheeks.

This has been a good week for Black people. Really, it’s been a good week for those of common sense but I figured I’d just skip the niceties and go right to where I care the most, my kahmrunitee. Tyrese. Obama’s (military) accomplishment and ensuing speech will be remembered long time like a favor from an Asian chick who works at Happy Endings Got Me Working Day and Nite Spa. While it’s not nearly on the same plateau as Dr. King’s “I Have A Dream” speech, or the assassination of Malcolm X – and Martin for that matter – as landmark events in the Black community go, for current day ninjas, it’s our moment. They’re the kind of moments you will remember forever. Even if you weren’t even alive for them. They resonate.

You know, like the OJ Simpson verdict.

From Brown vs. Board of Ed to Alice Walker’s The Color Purple to Michael Jackson taking that final Moonwalk towards the sky, the Black community has a lot of moments that are and will be commemorated for eons to come. Little martian children will read about great accomplishments and beam…possibly up Scotty, but a beam is a beam.

But you know, there are also some events that are AS significant (okay not really) that don’t get nearly as much attention. You know how on old vinyl records, there was always a B-side record? It wasn’t as good as the hit on the A-side, but intended to get some attention and pull for the artist as well. We here in the Black community have a lot of B-side moments. Such as?

Glad you asked.

1) The death of Ricky

I don’t care how old you are, you know that Ricky’s dead. In fact, any time I see a Black man running, I’m compelled to yell out RIIIIIIIICKY!!!!! with the force of three titans and two foster children named Shane. Boyz N The Hood was our first real look at South Central from a place we could care about, unlike Colors. We cared and when Ricky got shot, we cried. I remember seeing it as 12 year old and begging my uncle to never take me to South Central. Why? I didn’t want to get shot like Ricky. ZIG ZAG RICKY!!!! DON’T RUN STRAIGHT!!!!

Speaking of deaths…not quite on par but close enough….

2) The death of Stringer Bell

I promise you that I heard screams in my apartment building when Stringer got shot. Despite him being the one character I was ROOTING for to get murked, something about Stringer resonated to all of us. Every woman wanted him and every man wanted to be him. Again, DESPITE the fact that he might have been the most shady, ruthless, f*cked up character on the show. And if that was a spoiler, then let me add this too…

2a) Bodie getting bodied on the corner

Probably didn’t hurt as much but dammit if it wasn’t hard to see the one dude you really liked just as a straight up soldier catch a bad one.

3) Nipplegate

It’s the point where we realized that it really was us against them. Justin sold out Janet and never looked back. Her career never really recovered and she was forced at gunpoint to do Tyler Perry movies. She participated in one of the most retarded scenes in cinematic history…oh and that scene would be the ENTIRE film Why Did I Get Married Too. Justin went about his business to make more millions and just be white. All over a nipple. Who hasn’t seen one of those. I’m looking at one right now. Damn shame.

4) Halle Berry bares her boobs in Swordfish

Just a personal landmark for me. Nothing more, nothing less. The guys I was with? We all stood up to clap. Nobody cared though, that movie sucked donkey nuts.

5) Tupac/Biggie/rapper deaths

I’ll bet more ninjas know the birth and death dates of Tupac and Biggie than King or Malcolm X. Young and old.

6) The Game Season 4 premiere

Apparently it was the most highly watched cable program after the summer solstice but before the winter solstice on a Tuesday in November both before and after 8pm while going up on the downstroke. Or something. Point is, more of you ninjas watched the Game season premiere than would show up to a rally on education inequality. That says something. What? I don’t know. I was watching it too.

7) Whitney Houston tells us that “crack is wack”

Just like everybody else, I watched that interview and saw Bobby sweating like he stole something. Then Whitney hits us with the quote that will live longer than she will, “crack is wack”. She also asked for a receipt for all the drugs she’d done which subsequently showed up online a few days later. Notably, nobody believed her.

8) Some guy gives Tyler Perry a check to put on a stage play

Somewhere in Atlanta, a homeless Tyler Perry finishes up a manuscript for a terribly predictable and horribly written stage play starring him as a woman. He added some gospel, some really long songs, and a cast of other ninjas nobody’s heard about, and convinced somebody to give him the money for that first show. The rest as they say, is showbiz history. Nobody can pinpoint the moment where it all went left, but it happened. Spike Lee’s guitar gently weeps. Or it would if he could figure out how to come up with a decent ending for a movie. Spike has worse endings than 15 year old virgins.

9) We find out the DC Snipers are Black

Sad, sad day for stereotypes everywhere. Except them ninjas got caught sleeping. Literally. Just like Black folks.

10) Kanye West says that Bush doesn’t care about Black people

As unpoignantly poignant as his statement was, it somehow fit exactly what the entire Black community felt. This is also the point where people started believing that Kanye read books and/or was somebody to talk politics with. Boy were those people wrong. Point is, Kanye did Kanye things, and we’ll never forget. Like the Alamo.

That’s ten. What else you got? What are some sort of glossed over landmark moments in the Black community?

Shake something.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. LOOKING AT THEM GIRLS WITH THE DAISY DUKES ON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Represent, Represent: Carol’s Daughter

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This is NOT our best picture day.

When Champ sent me the link to Clutch Magazine’s article entitled Carol’s Daughter Inks Major Promo Deal with Cassie, Solange Knowles and Selita Ebanks, I actually laughed for a solid five minutes. Not at the article, but I began predicting the responses that would most certainly exist in the comments section.

But let’s start at the top with this. I don’t know much about Carol’s Daughter products. There’s a store here in Washington, DC (well Arlington, VA) , in Pentagon City Mall that seems earth-toned out and I’m pretty sure people that work there are required to wear linen. A lot of linen. What else do I know? I know Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jay-Z (and Beyoncé too?) are either co-owners or bought into the company. Kind of like they did with the Fela Kuti Broadway show in NYC. I know that many Black women love Carol’s Daughter products because they are apparently making products for us (with us being women…of which I’m not one, but you get my point. Pencil).

Now here’s my perception of Carol’s Daughter. I view it as a company that intended to cater to the Black women as a whole, and one that our sisters could support, laud and appreciate. Basically, I view(ed) it as a company that would be more likely to create products that support the whole Black woman experience, from natural to permed to whatever else Black women do with their hair. This is my perception.

Which is why I laughed so hard when I saw Cassie (looking like she ate something REALLY sour before this photoshoot), Solange looking her worst almost ever, and Selita Ebanks aka The Bird Arse Bird from the Runaway short film. The one company that you would think would buck the trend of doing what everybody expects (hiring light skint ninjas for their promo materials for a company that’s focus is African-Americans) is just like everybody else (read: white companies). Which is sad in a way, and kind of humorous in the sense that, wow, even when we run the show, we STILL do what white people do.

I remember a long time ago I wrote a post about the show Kevin Hill (starring everybody’s favorite Taye Diggs…too lazy to find it now liz linked it here for me) and the complaints that all of the women he dated on the show were lightskint. My argument then was that, well, at least they’re Black. We’ve got bigger fish to fry. Instead of complaining about which Black women didn’t get the call, we should be glad that any Black women are getting the call period to be on television in a positive role. But you know what? That was a white company controlling the factors of production and calling the shots. Their house, their rules.

Carol’s Daughter is a Black owned company (as far as I know) and could take the opportunity to hire some women who are more representative en masse of the Black women in our community. And that’s not to say they shouldn’t hire any light skinned women. That would be just as idiotic as the current campaign, but there are definitely women of a darker hue in a somewhat public limelight who I’m sure would be interested in representing and/using the product line. Now it’s possible they reached out to a lot of women who turned them down. Let’s be real, Cassie, Solange, and Selita Ebanks aren’t exactly the A-list of Black community women. If it wasn’t for this article, I would have forgotten that all three of them existed seeing as I rarely visit any gossip sites and haven’t watched Runaway since it debuted. So maybe they reached out to Kelly Rowland (not likely if Beyonce is involved) or Gabrielle Union (not likely since she works for Cover Girl or something) or pick your brownskinned beauty. Maybe they got shot down.

Maybe their budget was too small to get a bigger name. I don’t know. But I do find it odd.

Now, of course, Black women in the few comments I did read went off and swore off the products, etc. Which is a bit premature if you ask me. Who knows what the future holds for the company and its ad campaigns. Also admittedly, I didn’t really read the comments, moreso skimmed, but the truth is, if we were to stop supporting companies that didn’t represent us fully in their ad campaigns, we’d be naked and eating juices and berries. Hell, some companies go so far as to make mockeries of us “cough*McDonalds*cough*. But we keep going there. So we’re going to stop supporting an actual Black owned company because of the choices another Black woman made?

Again, I had to step back and realize, their house, their rules. Could she have hired India.Arie? Yes. Did she? Nope. She still makes a product a lot of us can use and benefit from, right?

I don’t know that this will cause any real ripple effect or actual loss of support or sales. And really, I think it won’t. It’s pretty much a non-starter, but it does bring up a larger point about Black social responsibility.

If you have the ability to control the images put out of Black people, do you have a responsibility to the community to make it as fully reflective of the entire community as possible? What is the Black responsibility? Does it even exist? Does Lisa Price owe it to Black women to have a fuller representation of her products consumers in her ad campaigns?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka PLYMOUTH RICO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

The Great Name Drop

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These ninjas shooting again? Take that to Bush Blvd.

Marlo said it best, “My name is my name.” Rihanna echoed, “ooh na na, what’s my name?” Snoop poeticized, “what’s my name, fool?”

What’s in a name?

There’s a high school in Washington, DC, that has currently been having more problems than three hypochondriac crackheads with an itch and a cough. There was recently (well last late year) a girl sexually assaulted in the school by a bunch of males who then had her name, face, and phone number plastered all over fliers that were passed out around the school as an “easy ride”. They’ve got gang problems. In fact, for a solid two months, I noticed no less than 10 police squad cards parked in front of the school. It’s a shame really. This school in its current iteration is a direct descendant of the famous (especially amongst older Black Americans) M Street School.

Yes, this high school is Paul Laurence Dunbar Senior High School.

And you know what? Every day I drive by I wonder aloud to the invisible passengers in my car if Dunbar wouldn’t want his name removed from that school. I know I would. If my name is going to be attached to something, which is an honor, I’d like it to be attached to something that doesn’t involve police, violent crimes, and plain ole f*ck sh*t. Of course, since most of our heroes names get attached to stuff in the Black community, which is generally inner city, well, we’re kind of stuck like chuck.

I remember The Boondocks episode with Dr. Martin Luther The King in it where he hilariously thought that somebody really needed to ask permission to use his likeness for ads. And kind of like dead rappers getting better promotion, dead icons get all the accolades by having their names attached to places where the folks have no idea who they are. So here’s my list of what I’d guess would happen if icons could ask to have their names removed from sh*t that their name is attached to when their named is attached to sh*t they can’t go for (that, no can do).

By the way, if I could have any other person’s name in life, it would be Shuggie Otis. Thank you.

1. MLK Ave, Street, Drive, Blvd, Circle, etc

As Chris Rock famously pointed out, MLK was a man who universally stood for peace. If you are anywhere near MLK in any city, you know that there’s some violence going down. My particular residence in ATL…is on MLK. From Harland Terrace all the way through Adamsville, there always seems like something is going down. I’ve witnessed shootings with my own two eyes. Flatlands FTW.  And its like that in every city. Of course, its a double edged sword. MLK goes through the Black community because well…

…he Black. We’re not going to NOT name a street that. But I’m sure if MLK had his way, his street would run thru the north side of town, since in most cities (most, not all) the North side is where its generally the most peaceful.

Quick Panama fact: I once nearly bought a condo near the intersection of Malcolm X Blvd and MLK, SE in DC because I figured it had to be the Blackest intersection in America.

I smart.

2. Medgar Evers College

I’m too lazy to find all the documents but MEC was going through ALL kinds of f*ckery at their Brooklyn, NY, campus. School presidential issues, misappropriation of funds. and a big booty b*tch to go with it. Just saying, It’s bad enough that Whoopi Goldberg played his wife in a movie, NOW he’s got ninjas kick dirt on his name educationally? I’d want my name back. Call it Kwame Kilpatrick U or something more apprpriate.

3. Morris Brown College Center for People Who Don’t Reed Gud

Speaking of colleges, I’m not sure it even needs to be stated, but if I was that ninja Mo B? I’d snatch my name off the school with the quickness. We got criminal scandals, eight students, and and teachers who know less than the students. Real talk, I took a class at Morris Brown my junior year. It was a 400 level French class. So we’re talking about reading French Lit and writing papers, etc. When I tell you that Professor Jenkins Jackson from Uganda didn’t speak any French…well he didn’t speak any French. And he’s my teacher? I should have known something was wrong when the “classroom” was this ninjas office. Standing room only.

That’ll do, pig.

Folks? What you got? Who do you think would want their name snatched back from an entity because it’s the antithesis of what they stood for?

And better yet, what would you rename these locales?? Let your soul glo(w). Let it shine thru!

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka lower.case.p aka SHUGGIE JACKSON aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

ATTENTION: Our Three Year Anniversary is upon us, and we are celebrating it in DC on Saturday, April 2. Introducing VSB Lounge: Three Deez. Yes, this means The Champ and Panama Jackson are finally meeting in person! RSVP here, while supplies last: http://vsbloungethemeetup.eventbrite.com/

Pepsi Max Commercial: Everything’s Racist, Nothing’s Racist and You

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I’ve seen the Pepsi Max commercial and it made me laugh. In fact every time I’ve watched (and I’ve watched it numerous times in my attempts to make sure that I wasn’t just being a douche), I’ve laughed.

I’m aware of the hullabaloo in the Black community behind this commercial. Here’s my synopsis: Black man needs to watch what he eats and his wife makes sure he does by being an overbearing woman who refuses to let him be great, even going so far as to place soap in his mouth instead of a burger. But alas,  he is allowed to drink Pepsi Max because there are no calories and she drinks one too. Well that is until she throws her can at the white devil woman who gives her man the googly eyes that he apparently enjoyed, knocking her the f*ck out. Realizing what just had done happened (Cornbread), they bone the f*ck out.

Something like that happened. And I’m aware why Black women especially are upset. This corporate entity places standard stereotypes about Black woman on front street. And at the end of the day, a blonde white woman comes along and all of a sudden the Black dude loses his sh*t, hits his dougie, swoons, and the Black woman goes all Black woman on his medieval arse. How dare Pepsi employ racial stereotypes aplenty in an ad.

Because that’s what it boils down too. Can I kick it?

Yes you can?

Can I kick it?

Yes you can.

Can I kick it?

Yes you can.

Well, I’m gone.

I get it. It’s f*cked up for them to even go that route, KNOWING how provocative it is. And provocative it is. I’m guessing there was at least one Black person on the team of writers like, “Hey guys, I’m not sure we should do this. My mom knows I work here.” And that’s fair. They played up on at least 5 different stereotypes in one 30 second commercial, which is pretty impressive if you think about it: nagging Black woman, emasculating Black woman, b*tch ninja Black man, white woman wanderlust, violent Black woman. And I’m sure I missed a few by not focusing on exactly how the woman looks, etc.

Except, I honestly think that to be offended by it, you need to be looking to be offended. There wasn’t a single Black woman alive who couldn’t relate to that. It was basically a Tyler Perry movie reduced to 30 seconds because if you notice, at the end, them two ninjas broke out…together. Black love like a motherf*cker. In fact, I’m sure this is how the commercial would have ended if they added an additional 30 seconds:

Him: Damn baby, you ain’t have to nail that white chick like that?
Her: She was eyeing my man. She needed to know what was up.
Him: You know I’m your baby. You know I love you.
Her: I know…but if I catch you lookin’ at that white b*tch again, it’s over.
Him: Baby, I only have eyes for you, and my Pepsi Max!
Her: Mmhmm.
Him: Can I have a kiss baby?
Her: No. Go on somewhere, I’m still mad.
Him: Awww, come here baby.
Them: Raw sex.

Black love wins out every time when there’s a common enemy, which in this case was the white girl who might press charges.

While I realize that there were definitely reasons to be offended, I also recognize that this same commercial could have been done with white people. Even down to the blonde eyeing the man. Of course, we have different issues in the Black community when it comes to Black men and white women, but is it Pepsi’s responsibility to worry about those? No. It’s not. Further, it’s a commercial, the folks at Pepsi made her a caricature of any overbearing woman with a 30 second window to show how lazy her husband is about his eating habits and her need to make sure he’s doing right. All of it could be done with any cast of any characters. It just hit home because there was a white woman involved, assuming it hit home at all.

Point is, everyone’s a little bit racist. And I look for racism everywhere I can find it. But there’s a time to chill and a time to kill. You can be offended by this commercial, but realize you’re choosing to be offended. It wasn’t a Black sociology commercial, it was a nagging/motherfigure woman commercial making sure her lazy husband did what he’s supposed to do who caught a wandering eye when a hot chick showed up. If anything needs to be questioned, its why the random running blonde is even in the commercial in the first place, that was just gratuitious and potentially put there to piss off everybody who found it racist. Perhaps Pepsi decided to be a douche. Me no know. But I wasn’t offended.

But I haven’t been a Black woman very long so maybe I’m just missing the point.

Oh and by the way, it was definitely funny. Funny is about execution. And it was executed perfectly. Unlike Christina Aguilera’s rendition of Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun” at the Super Bowl. Didn’t she know she was supposed to do the Star Spangled Banner??

Anyway, what say you? Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka WHITE WOMAN TAMER aka SEXSI MAX aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Ya Unnastand: Things Black Folks Do That White People Don’t Understand

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I can’t lie, Black people do a lot of weird things. From naming our children after popular liquors to being upset that the media falsely portrays us as violent WHILE TALKING ABOUT a quadruple murder committed by your friendly neighborhood ninjas over a “gold-colored bracelet”, its no wonder that so many white women are fascinated by Black men. We’re like the enigmatic puzzle that makes you feel the rhythm and feel the rhyme.

I mean, it makes you get on up.

No Jodeci.

That was a two-for-one, by the way.

Well, despite the best laid plans of mice and men, there are some things that Black folks do that make complete and total sense that white people and others really don’t seem to understand (though some of our Hispanic brothers and sisters clearly get it). Since we’re in the business of enlightenment and since The Champ actually thanked you all for letting us be the best thing about your day – a personal high for VSB – I figure I should learn you something.

My guitar strums.

1. Rock baseball caps of random teams

Like most hat-wearing Black men, I have a hat collection that includes teams for which I couldn’t care less about and places I’ve never been. Apparently, white guys only wear hats for teams upon which they hold allegiance. White people, this is the thing, we sport said accessories because we like the colors and are fashionable. We’re a colorful group of colored people. The world is not Yankee’s fans, but that hat goes with EVERYTHING. I love my LA Dodgers hat, but I don’t give a damn about the Dodgers, I just love the colors. Same with my Oakland A’s hat, my St. Louis Cardinals hat, etc.

So my white friends out there, STOP asking me how my squad is going to do this year in our division as I don’t even know what division we’re in. I just like my hat. It looks cool, b*tch.

2. Loiter

Between Blacks and Mexicans, I’m not sure who’s the most loiterous, but we just love to stand outside in some random locale and, well, stand there. We’re a people of word and gathering. Why do you think Black folks are so religious. It’s loitering with purpose. Plus, half of us don’t pay our bills on time so our power can be cut anytime. Do you know what never gets cut off? Air. That sh*t is free right now and we like to use it. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving. Mostly, we as Black people, REALLY hate not being up on neighborhood gossip, so we all stand around with one another making sure we get it all. Loiter deez.

3. Complicated Dap

We’re musical. We’re rhythmic. We do everything to time. Hell, I’m writing this based on iambic pentameter. What does that have to do with the price of jockstraps in Kosovo? Nothing. I’ll bet the concept of “dap” started during the slavery days as another means to guide slaves to freedom. I mean, you can only sing “Wade In The Water” and “Follow the Drinking Gourd” for so long. White folks know about The Big Dipper. Plus, all Black folks can’t sing. Why do we still do it then? Because we’re cooler than everybody else. And we like to loiter.

4. Wear suits with 8 buttons

A lot of us have been broke in life. Which means we didn’t get any buttons. Just zippers. My first suit had 17 zippers in the places where buttons were supposed to go. Do you know what it feels like to not have buttons?  My remote controls had sewn on numbers for the first 17 years of my life. CLOTH. I couldn’t change the channel. I just watched Bonanza all day. We wear so many buttons for freedom and the American way. And also because a lot of us are just damn tacky. Steve Harvey, I’m looking at you. Oh, and Atlanta, Chicago, Mississippi, Detroit and pretty much the whole state of Florida, I’m ALSO looking at you.

Word.Life.

So my good people, what are some other things that Black people do that white people just don’t understand (that can be justified)?

Love. Peace. and Soul.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3