Tag Archives: black community

Everybody’s Gotta Be Somebody To Black Folks

Posted on by
460
I ain't saying its not a real title. But if a ninja told you he was a penguinologist, would you believe him?

I ain’t saying its not a real title. But if a ninja told you he was a penguinologist, would you believe him?

First off, this isn’t Champ. It’s Panama. The other guy. Champ tossed back too many Shirley Temples and bottles of O’Douls after his non-pr0n “Digital Penetration” panel at SXSW and ended up hungover. So, you’ve got me today. Suck it up.

Be that as it may, I came across something interesting today. And it got me going in circles….around we go. I came across a notice for a 3-year church anniversary for a pastor in the DC area. The 3-year anniversary announcement was being sent out on behalf of the pastor…

…and his First Gentleman of the church. I found it interesting that this pastor was married to a man despite being a pastor of a church in a denomination that is steadfastly anti-gay. But what jumped out to me most was that…well, we really love us some titles in the Black community. And I wonder if other communities are as hung up on titles and status indicators? Mostly because I actually have no effin’ clue.

Like, the whole concept of the church “first lady” (or gentleman in this case), do white churches even do that? I was told and thought everybody was just “Sister” like, go ask Sister Gertrude. But it doesn’t even end there. Black folks we just love titles. If we start an LLC where there is literally one employee, we can’t just be the owner. Naw. We’re the owner, founder, CEO, COO, CFO, HNIC, and ABC123. I know people – seriously, I literally know more than one person – who list their degrees on their voicemail greeting. I wish I was joking, but I’m not. Those titles mean something to them.

And me too. When I hear and see those titles I generally want to kick squirrels and light lemurs on fire. Mostly because I don’t get too caught up in titles. Or do I? I don’t even know anymore. I’m a The Black so I’m sure that deep down I care but my rebellious natures keeps me from caring. Hell, if I was a pastor, I’d attempt to eschew that whole “First Lady” stuff since in my mind, there is only one actual First Lady. Right now her last name is Obama.

Being as I live in Washington, DC, aka The Bougie Pretentious Ninja Capital of The World, I see the “I’m a somebody” status indicators a hundred, thousand, trillion. Folks who make $18,000/year still manage to curry some sort of favor and influence by virtue of who they are in such and such’s office or where they went to school with such and such. Everybody has a title and everybody without one is trying to become somebody with one. Everybody needs to know somebody so that they can be somebody by osmosis. Not that there’s anything wrong with this lifestyle, and I’m fairly sure that’s common across upper echelon societies of the world.

Except we practice this in the lower echelon communities in the Black community. Ninjas with nothing but a dime and a nickel still outchea trying to claim to be somebody of note. Or at least that’s my perception. Or better yet, my interpretation, of the situation. Hell, why ELSE would a ninja have the audacity to not only be named the First Gentleman of a church, but be proud of such a moniker. No shots, as I don’t doubt the love and am happy for them. But there’s just something odd about that title. But its a title nonetheless. And it’s one that says, “I’m somebody around these parts. Recognize me; kids memorize me.”

Maybe that’s normal. I know as humans we all want recognition for what we do. So having folks know who we are matters. But is that only gained thru titular means?

Titular is totally not pr0n. But it should be.

And again, does this all go down in other communities at all class levels?? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Oh yeah, and I’m sure it’s all due to slavery. Mmhmm.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. SOMEBODY THAT YOU USED TO KNOW, BUT SOMEBODY NONETHELESS aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

 

Is It Me or Has The Blackosphere Run Out Of Things To Talk About?

Posted on by
401
That's totally racism! She should leave him! Be strong sister. Beyonce teaches us this!

That’s totally racism! She should leave him! Be strong sister. Beyonce teaches us this!

This ain’t funny so don’t you dare laugh, but I think that Black thought has run out of ideas. And I’m not talking the rapper from the Roots crew. No, I’m talking the majority component of Black conversation starters and “influencers”. Yes, the Ebony’s and Essence’s and Clutch’s* and Madame Noires*, etc.

Basically, the places that Black folks congregate to discuss Black issues. VSB included though I’m going to give us a TOTALLY non-biased pass since we’re a two-man deep operation. But it seems like, actually, it IS like, there are four topics worthy of talking about in the pages of Blackness – relationships, race, pop culture, and self-empowerment.

I’ve perused all of the Black intelligentsia pages – and I realize thats probably a misnomer – and there’s very little to do with politics and health or anything that isn’t purely opinion based. This isn’t to say that I don’t think that Black folks don’t have opinions on politics or finances (Black Enterprise is one good source), but it does seem that we stay as far away as possible from those topics in some of the most popular sources for Black “material.”

Now, I’d be intentionally ignoring the elephant in the room if I didn’t point out that those sites are largely (actually totally) geared towards women and maybe the vast majority of women who might read those sites couldn’t give two f*cks with a soda on the side of a partridge in a pear tree about partisan politics, sequesters, or anything in the political realm that doesn’t include the words Michelle Obama.

It’s possible that I’m completely ignoring the impact that sites like The Root and Huff Post Black Voices have on the community at large. Either that or I only follow and pay attention to the wrong pubs, but it really does seem like no matter where I go I see the same ho the exact same ideas and posts written different ways are presented. When I visit some of my more enjoyable mainstream (read white) sites, they’re chock full of all types of topics. I mean you can read posts about the role mice play in the World Cup. Or how electricity totally f*cks up the game for ladybugs in Santo Domingo. I’m not even saying that all of the things I read are good, interesting, or worthy of reading. But there are a slew or random but fresh ideas on lots of fresh and random topics.

Maybe its just that in the Blackosphere, there aren’t a lot of larger sites dedicated to news and thought in the same way that a Daily Beast or Huff Post or Slate can be. Even on sites like The Root, it seems like all the posts bottleneck right back into the racial component. Which isn’t wrong per se. There’s nothing wrong with that. And it’s important to have the facilitators of such conversations making sure that those angles are always pursued. But we still can’t seem to get past the Big Four.

Of course, there’s always the side of the argument that shows that I’m not even close to being accurate. That there are sites out there tackling all of the important issues of the day and adding new and insightful ideas to Internet and catalog of Black thought. Which is possible, but really, I don’t think that’s the case. I’m starting to think that for the most part we like to talk about those things because its one area where our opinion is all that counts and it doesn’t require being overly informed on any topic. And if you’re attempting to appeal to the most people at one time, then broad simple topics is the bread and butter to keep folks coming back. Even here at VSB, that argument can be made.

Maybe, Black folks online really only have a few things to talk about. Or maybe those of us online creating the conversations don’t think the audiences care about anything else. Or maybe OJ didn’t do it but did it at the same damn time.

I don’t really know.

But I do have to wonder, have we run out of things to talk about in the Blackosphere?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I STILL NEED MY JOB aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRLLL HE A 3

BET On Black?: Does BET Get A Fair Shake Nowadays?

Posted on by
402

A few weeks ago,  I got into an argument with a friend of mine who happens to work for what I once dubbed “The Evil Empire”. That company is BET. The argument was about the fact that I seemed to lack any sort of positive vibes towards BET. Basically upon mention of those three letters in order caused an impressive array of profanities that would leave a person afflicted with Tourrette’s in awe.

And I cuss real good.

Her point was that I was so prepared to dislike anything associated with BET that I wouldn’t even give the lineup of shows they had a chance. Perhaps – the plea went – if I were to give love a chance, I’d find that the programming was worth my time. Also, given how much I tend to b*tch and moan about Black programming, its possible I was doing a bigger disservice to the community by not only not supporting, but actively UNsupporting. I was like one of Aretha’s bras.

Can’t lie. That hurt a little. The bra parallel, not the lack of support comment. I mean, have you seen one of her boobs? Cleveland is hiding in there.

Moving on. While I could easily shoot down her latter argument using two words – Tyler Perry – I realized that I wasn’t even sure why I hated BET so much…anymore (the former arguments were very strong). Hell, I watch “The Game” even though I think the show has totally devolved into dramatic f*cktasticness. I attempted to watch “Let’s Stay Together” and “Reed Between The Lines”. I actually didn’t mind “Let’s Stay Together” that much, though now that I think about it, I can’t actually remember who was in it or what the show as about. “Reed Between The Lines” attempted to be a modern day Cosby Show, except with a blended family, etc. That show did little more than make me go back and realize how much edge “The Cosby Show” actually had. Cliff and Claire really didn’t take no sh*t.

Well, BET has decided to trot out two new shoes: “Real Househusbands of Hollywood” and “Second Generation Wayans”. So I figure, what the f*ck, I’ll give them a shot. Can’t hurt right and plus it’s 2013 and I’m trying to center my chi and meet this ninja Fung Sway. Or Schway. Somebody told me he stays in Cali. And in the spirit of positivity, let me maintain expectations.

Let me tell you something about expectations, they’re almost impossible to not have. I’ve watched the trailers for RHOH numerous times and you know what, them sh*ts were hilarious. You’ve got Kevin Hart in his prime and a slew of random arse hasbeen actors on a fake reality show, which to me means script. Yeah, there ain’t one on this show obviously. And this first episode left something to be desired. One thing I realized while watching this show was this: comedians need a script. Very few are just funny off the cuff for long periods of time unless they get on a roll.

See: Harvey, Steve. He can go for hours on one thing and get funnier and funnier. But that wouldn’t make for a television show.

“Second Generation Wayans” managed to be funnier than RHOH which, again expectations, surprised me. That didn’t make sense except…it had a script. I’ll tune in.

This was a long ass way of wondering two things: 1) are we giving BET a fair enough shake anymore? Hell, they snagged TJ Holmes for a weekly show that we must have somehow forgot existed because now its on once a week…right?? 2) Is BET doing a better job of bringing the type of programming we claim we want than we give it credit for?

I’m as guilty of making BET the culprit for all that’s wrong with Black America. But here’s something to think about. Melissa Harris-Perry’s show on MSNBC comes on every Saturday and Sunday from 10-noon. I love it. Actually, I just think I love her, but whatever, I’m tuning in. No seriously, I love her. Like looked her up to see if she was married type love her.

As Twitter is the best way to see what’s happening in Black America, it seems that many of the Ninjerati do indeed tune into her show on Saturday or Sunday mornings. On purpose. Which means we gave it a chance and I’m curious why b/c until her show aired, I’d never heard of her.

Would we have tuned in at all if it was on BET? Hell would we tune in NOW if it was on BET? I wonder. Actually, I don’t. The answer is no.

So again, I ask, does the perception of BET completely cloud our ability to even notice if BET is giving Black America some of what we have been clamoring for? Hell, even Nick Cannon in the promo for RHOH was like, “this show is on BET? F*ck that”. A joke and a funny one, but the point wasn’t lost.

Talk to me.

For the record, I do feel like we can get almost all of what we’re looking for on other stations nowadays. But that does beg the age-old question, what exactly are we looking for? Do we even know?

Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. WHAT CHANNEL BET ON aka SHERANE GOT A BIG OLE FAT ASS aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Black America’s Secret Shame

Posted on by
414

As we all know, February is Black History Month. For the record, I’m not one of those people who complain that somehow Black history coincides with the shortest month of the year. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. It’s not like we (and by we, I mean those Black folks who complain that Black History Month is the shortest month of the year) really commemorate Black achievements all day everyday anyway. Besides, it used to be Black History WEEK, so I look at it like this…

…we got 21 more days to complain that America doesn’t do enough to celebrate Black achievements and accomplishments!

BAZINGA!

Anyway, being as its Black people month, and being as that I’m Black, I see it only fitting that I dedicate some posts in February to Black topics. Its gonna be on and poppin’. As well it should be since Black folks often get it on and poppin’ with things such as the bottle formerly known as Cristal, thongs, pills, and basketball. One could say we are a poppalicious people, though I prefer the bootylicious nature of Black women. And I don’t care how much you hate Beyonce, “Bootylicious” (written and produced/co-produced/conceived by Beyonce) was a great moment in Black history. Honestly…with lyrics like, “I don’t think you’re ready/for this jelly”, how could it not progress Black society. Kids everywhere were running around embarassing the sh*t out of us folks that can read talking about being bootylicious. Hell, even WHITE girls got into the act, further making me want to kill myself.

Okay, I swear that there is a point in there somewhere.

Ah yes, Black America’s secret shame. There are different kinds of Black folks out there. I know, shocker. Many have tried to paint Black people with one brush and say that we are all one and the burdens of my brother are my burdens. And I used to believe that until a strange thing happened one day. Can you guess what it was? Go ahead, take a gander.

*singing “I’m sexy and I know it”*

Done guessing?? Good. What happened to me was that I learned how to read.

*gasp*

That might sound messed up, but fret not, it gets worse. When I learned to read, a whole new world opened up to me. Butterfly’s in the sky, hell, I could fly twice as high like Aladdin and Jasmine! The older I’ve gotten and the more I’ve read, the more things have changed. Over time, I learned to not be afraid of information and actually seek it out causing me to do things that other Black men didn’t do like…go to college. Or even graduate. No Kanye.

So it was in this new world with new knowledge I obtained from reading new sh*t that I started to notice the differences between Black people. And just to be purposefully offensive, I’ll state some of the differences I noticed:

Some Black folks worked, some didn’t.

Some lived in suburbs, some lived in projects.

Some tried to assimilate into white society, some acted like assholes in public…almost seeming to be on purpose.

Some were reserved, some are just loud.

These are just a few of the differences. But that last one is the one that stands out to me. It brought to my attention and epiphanized a strange phenomenon in the Black community. It would seem that Black America’s Secret Shame is…

…hold on…

…it’s coming…

…wait for it…

…Black people.

Yes. Black people. Black American’s are secretly ashamed of other Black people. I know. It’s one of the most fucked up things you’ve ever heard. I hear you looking at me crazy. But it’s true. Black people that can read and write, and have gardens to tend, and garages that actually house cars, and have the OPTION to live amongst white people are ashamed of other Black people.

[***DISCLAIMER: These are fun, I swear. Which Black people am I talking about that are ashamed of other Black people??? You ninja. Yes you, the Black person that is reading this right now instead of in the projects affectionately known as WorldStarHipHop. The Black person who reads and writes. F*ck that, the Black person who ENJOYS reading. Yes, you. Does it sound elitist? Yes it does...but here's the test: if you have at any point in your existence, been somewhere, and an unruly group of Black youth have come into your presence and you cringed and/or uttered the word "n*ggas" under your breath...then this means you. Mmkay pumpkin?***]

Believe you me, it’s true. It’s a sad reality yet one that exists. Take for instance young Black folks on subway systems across America. Now those youth don’t care about being loud and obnoxious. Hell, it’s what kids do. However, you care. You wonder to yourself , why the hell they won’t shut up. Then you do scan the audience the kids have attracted. You scan the white faces for disapproval, and then you scan the Black faces for disgust.

For some reason, both the Black and white people are upset at the ungodly display of the youths. White folks will just have their notions reinforced, and Black folks will be afraid that the white folks are having their notions reinforced. And somewhere shame comes into the picture. Black folks start to think, “dammit, why won’t they just act right, they are making us all look bad. F*ckin’ cockaroaches!”

You have experienced…honest to goodness…

…shame.

Shame for fear that those Black folks who aren’t like you are setting us normal Black folks back years and years. It is that same shame that occurs when you take a ghetto member of your family out with you who then proceeds to act a damn fool on purpose, proving why they are the ghetto member of your family.

But you know what, they are ashamed of you too.

Sometimes they are trying to prove a point, too. The point may be that you aren’t any better than they are. And they are just as ashamed because they feel like you sold out when they remember when you all used to sleep three to a bed. They are ashamed, and thus shaming your bougie ass into realizing that you aren’t any better than they are. Hmm, ironic isn’t it. The better off we are, the more reminders we get from folks who aren’t so well off that we ain’t sh*t and didn’t come from sh*t.

Differences.

I’m not judging nor looking down on anybody. I’ve done more than my fair share in both worlds. As far as I’m concerned we all came from nothing. Essentially, I love all my Black peoples. EXCEPT those ignant somebodies who feel the need to make me look bad so that they don’t look bad by themselves. Crabs in a barrel are a b*tch. And it is those Black folks who draw my ire time and time again. The ones who are ashamed but secretly jealous of the Black folks who are doing well because those Black folks are sellouts and have no place in the hood. Those Black folks who are ashamed of other Black folks success because they don’t have it.

But it goes the other way too. Those Black folks who are educated and well to do, who are ashamed of their lower income brothers and sisters who may not have had the same opportunities that they’ve had. The ones who turn their noses up at less privileged Blacks with no provocation. The ones who talk about the ghetto without ever having been to the ghetto or lived there. The ones who laugh when some of us drink Kool-Aid. Hell, the ones who don’t realize that “red” is a flavor, and judge Black folks who know that it indeed is a flavor. Basically, Black folks who have the time to castigate other Black folks because they’ve made it and refuse to accept that making it where you’ve made it wasn’t solely on your own merit. Sometimes, folks believed in you enough to not let you fail. And it’s those folks that refuse to recognize or accept that, who are ashamed of lower income Black folks and their lot in life. Those Black folks piss me off too.

And there you have it. Black America’s secret shame is other Black people. From rich to poor, we are all ashamed of one another for reasons that are beyond me that will continue to keep us down. Sometimes we show out for white folks by showing them how comfortable they should be around us. We have a term for that…selling out. And sometimes we show out for white folks to show them that we don’t give a sh*t about them, except what we’re doing is furthering their own beliefs that Black folks have no damn sense anyway and are all useless. We have a term for this too…being a dbag. And they all lead to the same end…shame from some other member of the Black race.

And this is why we won’t make it as a people…and you know what…

…it’s a damn shame.

Ain’t it?

What say you?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. SUPER B.A.S.S. aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC heads, its time again for another edition of REMINISCE! at Liv Nightclub this Saturday, February 4th, 2012 from 930pm til 3am. It’s all 90s everything and anybody who has been will tell you this party is a motherf*cking monster. It’s FREE BEFORE 11PM WITH RSVP ($10 after) (click the link to RSVP), OPEN BAR FROM 930-1030PM (doors open earlier b/c people keep showing up MAD early) and no dress code. Supa Qool DJ Quartermaine on the 1s and 2s. Come on out and we’ll see you on Saturday night! Peep the FB event here!

The Post-Racial Tipping Point?

Posted on by
245

Confused? Me too. This is how I feel right now.

Last week we looked at Herman Cain’s place in the Black community…well, now CNN is claiming that Cain’s race isn’t as important to conservatives as it used to be. And it’s got me ponderin’.

See, I’m baffled. Damn near dumbfounded. I almost feel like I’m sitting in some alternate reality where Michael Jackson is Black and it doesn’t matter if you’re Black or white.

Why, you ask?

Well, for the first time in history, it seems like nobody in the Republican party realizes – or cares – that Herman Cain is…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…Black.

Now either the majority of Black people are indeed full of sh*t or something odd is going on. For years, Black folks have been shown, taught, and reminded that race was as important a factor in our lives as our education, money, or Tyler Perry. There’s a popular meme in the Black community that no matter who you are or how much money you have, you’re still just an educated n*gga with money.
Yet, somehow, Herman Cain seems to be in a plausible position to push forward and actually secure the Republican nomination for President. Is it possible that we could have two Black men competing for the nations’s highest position?

Like, for real?

Just to keep it gully, I think Justin Bieber has a better chance of making it into a BET cypher than two Black men running for President, against each other. I think that welllllll before we get to the formal nomination Herman Cain will say something else ridiculous (akin to his belief that people in that small Tennessee town were right to stop a mosque from being built on land owned by the Muslims building the mosque or electrocuting Mexicans) or somehow fall out of favor. Will it be solely because as we get closer, white people will somehow wake up and realize, “hold the phone, that’s a Black man up there”? I don’t know. And to be fair, I don’t actually think that everybody’s racist.

But I can’t lie, I’m surprised by the fact that for the first time in Black history, a man’s policies and principles seem to be touted by the party that currently and almost intentionally seems to have the least amount of color amongst their representation. I’ve seen coworkers sing his praises with happiness and tout his plans. And yes, Virginia, they’re white.

Hank Williams, Jr, in the now famous segment that got him kicked out of Monday Night Football lore, said that Herman Cain was the only GOP candidate that made any sense.

Hear ye, hear ye. Hold me.

Would his ascension to the Republican nomination be proof that we are truly living in a post-racial world and that the vast majority of us Black folks complaining about race need to shut up? No. I will forever feel like white people view certain members of our populace as exceptions. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Herman Cain, etc. These aren’t regular Black people.

They’re different.

And they’re all politicians of sorts. Herman Cain’s biggest asset seems to be knowing how to say what white people want to hear. It’s a true skill, trust me.

Interesting enough, all of the racial rhetoric coming out of the GOP involving Cain seems to be coming from him. He seems to be touting a certain type of dissociated Blackness, which is why so many Black people don’t trust him. He’s speaking all of that “you can do it because I did it, by myself” non-sense that gets many people labeled modern day Uncle Toms. It’s an interesting sort of alienation politics that grants him good favor amongst white people (his entire base at this point) and pisses off nearly every Black person within a 1-mile radius. Even his alma mater (and mine), Morehouse College, isn’t exactly singing his praises right now. And amongst the HBCU circuit, this might be the first time nobody wants any part of this competition.

While there is some truth to what he’s saying – for a significant portion of us, our failures are largely our own doing – to ignore the centuries of institutionalized racism is probably as idiotic a mentality as one can have. We have plenty of proof via actual studies about people with ethnic names not getting called back for job interviews while “mainstream” named people (think Jim, John, Beth, Sarah) get the opportunity to interview for a job. And since jobs are a big part of the current political landscape, I think that very real study is telling.

Some of the excitement I’m reading about the Tea Party and GOP’s approval of Cain almost seems ironic. Their excitement is largely driven by proving to people that they aren’t racist. It’s like learning play jazz flute in order to tease the kid up the street who plays jazz flute. If they support a Black man, they cannot inherently be racist. Further, Herman Cain’s popularity proves that race isn’t a big deal.

Yeah, we’ll see when it comes time to pull that lever. Granted, we’re still a long way away from a formal nomination which is why I think that these conversations keep happening. Nobody really seems happy with the current crop of candidates anyway so Cain is something like a positive by not being so negative for the GOP. But I can’t lie, I might have to eat my hat if he actually were to get nominated by the Republican party.

The larger point still remains though: I’m completely surprised by Cain’s success at this point because he is, indeed, Black. It honestly seemed like so many people who disliked (and still do) President Obama did so for very little more than petty reasoning, which makes the race card seem appropriate. His entire presidency has seemed like he’s been running from behind because everybody wanted him to fail. You can’t ignore the big elephant in the room.

But somehow that doesn’t matter with Cain…yet. So maybe we are in a post-racial world. Or not.

Talk to me AFTER he gets nominated.

Does Cain’s popularity amongst the GOP indicate that we are in a post-racial America? Or are we watching an early form of the Bradley effect taking place? Or more sinister, do you Republicans are just trying to make a point??

What gives?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka THE LESSER HALF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

[ADMIN NOTE: At midnight on October 20, we're going to take VSB offline until next week while we finish handling all of the site issues we seem to be having. Most people seem to not be suffering from random f*ckery due to our site being hacked but enough are that we need to go offline to fix them. We'll be back on Monday. Thanks for sleepwalking with the kids and sorry for any inconvenience. Posse out.]