How A Glass Of Water Can F*ck Up Your Day

Sprinkle me.

I believe in Darwinism. I believe in natural selection. I believe that closed mouths don’t get fed. I believe the children are our future. I believe I can fly. I believe in miracles. The point is, I believe in a lot of things.

Well, I also believe that if you wanted something bad enough, you’d get up and get it yourself. Or that you at least wouldn’t turn every unrequited request into a relationship test. And this goes for men and women. I hated Scantron so trust and believe I hate it even more when motherlovers and fothermuckers try to test me more than the USOC.

With that in mind, I’d like to present a scenario that probably plays out frequently in homes across America. I’d say the world but they ain’t playin’ this in the Middle East. Word to the Ayatollah. (Just kidding, I’m all for gender equality. Peace up, A-town down)

Have you seen A Time To Kill? Well close your eyes then. Now open them. Now close them. Now open them. You just blinked. Twice. Now imagine that little girl was white!

Moving on.

So, here we go, yo? Here we go, yo? So what, so what, so what’s the scenario?

Imagine that two individuals – a man and a woman are sitting on a couch. Let’s say that they are both intently watching Law & Order: SVU, a show that – let’s be real – can cause you to lose an entire day when they’re running a marathon. OR f*ck that, to be more accurate, let’s say a basketball game is on: Miami Heat vs OKC Thunder. Fourth quarter.

Girl: Hey boy hey, I’m thirsty.

Guy: I hate it when that happens. One time when I was thirsty I got up and got a drink from the kitchen. It’s like a place that has food and drink. Never knew it was there til I knew, ya know? Totally f*cked up my worldview. Worked though. Crazy, right?

Girl: Smart ass. Can you go get it for me?

Guy: Why can’t you get it? I’m watching the game and you’re closer to the kitchen than I am.

Girl: Well, I want you to go get it for me. I can wait until the game is off or for a commercial.

Guy: Are you for real? You must not be that thirsty.

Girl: Oh, I am. But I can wait. I don’t feel like getting it.

Guy: *puzzled* But that makes no sense because you’re going to be waiting for a while. If you were really thirsty you’d get it yourself, which means you aren’t thirsty, you just want me to get up and get you something to drink either to show you that I don’t mind being inconvenienced while I’m doing something I want to do or you’re evil. Which one is it?

Girl: Neither, why does it have to be all that. Jeez. I just want something to drink and I want you to get it for me. Why is that such a big damn deal? Is it so bad to do something for your girlfriend? You didn’t hear me complain when I made your plate!

Guy: I also didn’t ask you to do that nor would I. I could have made my own plate but you insisted. And I’ll get you the drink after the game but I’m saying, the fact that its more important that I get it for you than you actually having your thirst quenched is baffling to me.

Girl: You know what, forget it. I don’t see what the big damn deal is after everything I do for you. *gets up huffing and puffing and visibly pissed*

Guy: I never said I wouldn’t get it I just don’t understand… *getting up to follow her to a kitchen where she’s already gotten her drink*

Silence.

Now, what we have here is obviously a male-centric, biased view of an ordinary request for something to drink. And in all fairness, in most cases, a dude is going to end up getting the drink anyway. But there are some times when we actually do feel like you’re making a request at a mad inconvenient time AND then it becomes a game of Relationship Test. Somehow, the request isn’t about what you needed in the first place – if you were really that damn thirsty, you’d get your happy ass up and get a drink – but about the fact that we didn’t just do it or pushed back. Then the pride kicks in and it becomes a struggle between good and evil (I’ll let you figure out who’s who) that is going to end up with both people not having a good night.

Granted, the chances of this exploding into a much larger argument about the relationship are probably only slightly larger than the chance that a VSB reader won the Powerball, but the point is, why does it have to be all of that? It’s the same thing with the convo from yesterday about men being attentive and noticing a woman is cold and getting her a blanket while she is noticeably freezing. Except if you’re cold, why not just get the damn blanket yourself (to any woman who would do this, and there are more than just a few) instead of being mad that I’m not paying enough attention. That’s how the dinosaurs died. They were waiting for somebody to save them. My guess is they were waiting for Ne-Yo since “Let Me Love You” is the most captain save-a-ho ass song I’ve heard in at least a decade. It’s just got a dancier beat so you almost don’t realize how ridiculous it is.

And it is ridiculous.

Point is, what gives. What’s more important in this situation, quenching your thirst or that I make it possible for your thirst to be quenched. And for those who think this situation is a no-brainer, you’ve all undoubtedly been in a situation like this at some point where either you or your significant other made a request you thought was ridiculous and it devolved into a discussion about its ridiculousness and ended up pissing off everybody involved.

What say you? Is bruh’man from the fif floor being lazy or is she being unreasonable?

Talk to me.

*BTW, this scenario isn’t specific. Some iteration has happened in various relationships I’ve been in. I’ve always ended up getting the drink at some point. Arguing with your woman is pointless. It never ends well for the man. *

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I THOUGHT YOU HAD YOUR OWN, SO GET IT aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

MAKE SURE YOU RSVP FOR REMINISCE THIS SATURDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2012, AT LIV Nightclub in DC. FREE before 11pm with RSVP and OPEN BAR from 930-1030PM. With no dress code and Supa Qool DJ Quartermaine (cop his Quarter Life Crisis EP off of iTunes here for $3.99) on the 1′s and 2′s and you’ve got the best 90′s party in the city!!!! REMINISCE WITH THE COOL KIDS!