Tag Archives: barack obama

Osama Gone.

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I'm dead.

I had intended to write a whole other post and then I happened to look at Twitter. And all of a sudden I see ninjas talking about Osama Bin Laden being dead.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

I stopped EVERYTHING I was doing and immediately turned to CNN and here goes Wolf Blitzer (I swear, if ANYTHING goes down Wolf is involved) and some other white guy I know but can’t name talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden.

It’s an oddly weird feeling to hear this news. It’s been nearly 10 years since 9/11. At this point Bin Laden was just one of those names that’s become part of the American consciousness. For a long time his name caused venom but over time, and much like anything else, he just kind of became part of the culture. Apple pie. New Yorkers. Osama Bin Laden. I think for most of us, we kind of assumed he’s either been dead or quit life altogether and just holed up in some cave somewhere.

It’s kind of like the terror warnings and levels. They mean nothing at this point. They just exist somewhere out there but most of us keep going on about our lives. To some degree it even seems like al-Qaeda had taken a break as they definitely hit a terrorist lull (I’m fully aware that many terrorists acts have occurred around the world and continue to to do so with fervor, but al-Qaeda hasn’t seemed as active) which is either a testament to our foreign ops or a reminder that some of these cats are REALLY trying to take their time planning more attacks. I don’t know, and I think that’s the point. You just never know.

But if its true, the world just took an interesting turn. First and foremost, Obama just got his trump card. Pun intended.

But more importantly, my guess is that Bin Laden just became more of a martyr than he’s already been. And I can’t imagine what kind of retaliations might happen to our troops and any Americans abroad. I’m actually worried about this. The Taliban will either go the short game, immediate action and reaction and death to infidels route or pretend its not true and make sure they hit the airwaves to say that America is lying.

I’m wondering what affect this will have on the world. More suicide bombings? Forgive my lack of focus and clarity but this is just some odd news. It’s world news and world history. It’s a significant part of the fabric of American society. 9/11 has significantly impacted the lives of everybody in the world.

It means something.

And I think it will from here too. If terrorists didn’t have motivation to go out and do commit more intense crimes, they have it now. I feel like the CIA is about to be on their highest alert ever. And we kind of need them to be. Who knows whats about to go down?

Now that we got all of that out of the way….on a slightly more ignant note…I kind of wonder if Obama is giving folks the pound or dappin’ ninjas behind the scenes? Obama is about to be on his Mr. Big D*ck game for a while now. In fact, if I was him, I’d go straight to the GOP and be like, “yo, whatever I want for the next two years,  you all might as well make it happen. I got Bin Laden. Did you? No. You didn’t. So what if I didn’t do it myself. I proved I’m American, b*tched Trump in front of  him AND snagged the world’s public enemy #1 within the span of 4 days. Get like me. They’re about to rename the “dougie” the “obamie”. Oh, and I am about to require American’s to learn the Electric Slide. What?!!! Balance the budget b*tch.”

Sorry. I just had a ninja moment.

Enough.

So, what’s your perspective on all of this?

Oh, and how much you want to bet Osama died with a “Stop Snitching” tshirt on?

Shake something.

By the way, I love how Obama said, “I did this. Me, n***a. I George Bushed da button. What?!”

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka OBAMA IS MY COUSIN aka OSAMA GONE, THAT NINJA DEAD aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE GOT OSAMA

extra, extra: the five biggest breaking news stories in black america in the past 25 years

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oj

from michael jackson’s unexpected and sudden death to janet jackson’s unexpected and sudden breast, there have been numerous events in the past 25 years that have had a particularly strong resonance in the black community.

today, as a service from vsb.com, the champ has decided to list the top five. enjoy and sh*t Continue reading →

link of the week: the choice is yours

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USA-POLITICS/OBAMA

we’ve heard the story ad nauseum

boy meets bonita. boy likes bonita. bonita likes boy, but despite boy’s good enunciation and earning potential, doesn’t like him like that due to boy’s unimpressive height, melanin, swagger, and lack of ability to properly recite and recall lyrics from the blueprint. boy moves on, meets bianca, blair, and botswana, and rinses, washes, and repeats with each to same results.

boy meets becky. becky offers easy benevolence and easier flat blond back. excessively backed up boy bones sh*t out of becky, breaking flat back and immediately becomes becky’s black buck boyfriend. months later, now banker boy buys brand new benz, beeming bleached alabaster veeners while brandishing becky at black bike week. a brooding and barren bonita beholds this, berates boy beneath bated breath and unabashedly blasts boy at bi-quarterly zeta phi beta bbq.

although usually dismissed as an urban legend told by mundane black men who feel that courteousness should equal automatic coochie, in “what single women can learn from michelle“, jenee desmond harris writes that barry o could have very easily been the aforementioned boy if not for young chelly robinson’s insight

“She must have focused on an abundance of goodness instead of his hint of goofiness and fixated on a warm smile instead of a pair of oversized ears. It’s easy to see now that he was a great catch, but how many of us would have been open to this guy who strayed so far from the black Prince Charming ideal, starting with his very name?”

before i continue, i have to say that i don’t entirely agree with her premise or david swerdlick’s strange rebuttal.

i mean, even the most superficially discriminatory young black women i know aren’t gonna continually dismiss the harvard law grad beating down their door. plus, and lets be real, although she’s definitely a stunning and charming woman now, michelle obama aint exactly the second coming of cleopatra. i doubt anyone, including her, thought she was settling or slumming when accepting barack’s advances.

despite this, the latent points remain true:

barack obama has replaced hill harper as the patron saint of bandwagon attraction, and when it comes to dating and relationships, we (black men and women) consistently value the wrong sh*t…

…or not.

who knows?

i do know, though, that i’ve heard this all before, and i’m sure you have to0.

since today’s about hope and change and sh*t, tell me, people of vsb.com, what the hell is the right sh*t?

—the champ

Share Your Love With Me.

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Say what you will about the racial undertones of McDonald’s new chicken nugget commercials, fact is, they’re good and effective. Hell, just yesterday while trying to find something to eat for lunch, I decided to go to McDonald’s on the off-chance that I’d run into a crackhead some off-brand singing-arse ninja crooning, “why won’t you, share your love with me//girl you gotta 10-piece, don’t be so sting-ayyyyyyyyyy.”

No such luck. But I did order some crack the 10-piece chicken nuggets. And mm-mmm were they good.

I appreciated the processed goodness of McDonald’s chicken nuggets because of that commercial. Which means only one thing: advertising does in fact work.

(Unless it’s for TBS’s show House of Payne, which might be the WORST television show I’ve actually ever seen. No seriously, it’s that bad. I watched an episode the other day and it was painful. I can never get those 22 minutes of my life back. Luckily, the McDonald’s commercial played a few times. They weren’t being sting-ayyyyyyyyy. Thank you.)

For instance, when Girl A starts running to her homegirls to regale them with stories of all the…things their man won’t dooooooo-ooooo (sorry, I had a Joe moment), it subconsciously places a marker in Girl B’s head of, “hmm, she went to Jared, and he broke her off like that?! Man…I wonder…”

Now, that doesn’t mean that Girl B will run off and try to get some of that good sticky-icky-icky from Jared, but the thought is there. And besides, everybody knows that every kiss begins with “k”.

Fact#1: Women like to talk. And women like to talk to their friends about good things.

Fact #2: Women are trifling…to one another. Men may be trifling, but we do generally abide by the code.

If you talk to 8 out of 10 men, most of us will tell you that you don’t go bragging about your exploits, outside of the numbers game; mostly because we don’t really have to. Break a woman off properly and she’ll do all the mouth-work for you.

That’s a pun.

She’ll run her trap and sell you to a bunch of chick who didn’t even know they were in the market to buy. She becomes your own personal PR rep. Most women are akin a mid-level marketing agency who just got a lump-sum of money to peddle a new product. And if you don’t disappoint, hombre, she won’t disappoint. You’ll have more options than a Barack Obama presidency.

That’s a lot. And do you know why?

Because advertising works.

In undergrad, I remember these two chicks that stayed in the dorm with my Spelman sister. They began to HATE one another because of exactly what I said earlier. Girl A ran her trap. Girl B decided to see if she was lying. Boy was enjoying college and when opportunity knocked, he answered…literally. Two girls don’t speak anymore but Boy A has two more notches on his belt.

You know, if you think about it, pr0n is advertising. Sure it’s false advertising, but it leads to men and women both trying to find partners who can do acrobatic moves and often being disappointed when they realize that everybody isn’t able to do a running cartwheel, double axle with a back twist right into carnal position. But that’s neither here nor there.

To the women out there, have you ever run your trap about your exploits to your friends, only to have it comeback and bite you in the arse? Fellas, have you ever benefited from some chicking running her gums?

Or even better yet, people of VSB, does advertising work?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

The Morning After.

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Wow…almost 700 comments on our 100th post and we managed to bring out a gang of folks who’ve never really commented before.

Kudos.  Canons to the right of them.  Canons to the left of them.

And for the record, I largely expect all of you lurkers who came out of the woodworks to start commenting now.  Change…that’s what Obama’s talking and he’s our Democratic Presidential Nominee.  Change, it’s what’s for breakfast.

Two other things – 1) since so many of you do indeed live in the Washington, DC, area I’m going to try to kick off this DC Happy Hour.  If you’re interested in coming, fill out this form with your name (it can be a fake name, knock yourself out Slappy McDufferman) and e-mail address so I can compile a list and send out an evite or something.

2)  We kcufed up.  Yes we.  Oui.  We kcufed up.  I already said that.  Luckily it wasn’t our fault, it was Jim Jones fault and you all know this.  It’s always Jim Jones fault.  And with that said (I will kill ninjas dead)…

The Richard Simmons Award for the commenter most likely to actually meet everybody involved with VSB.com, not in a dark alley (or maybe a dark alley, heh heh heh) and make sure that we’re staying up on our grizzly and give us hugs goes to Intellecutal Hedonist, who has managed to email us with interesting enough things and enough times to make us feel like she’s part of our family.  She’s also the person who’s most likely to take it in stride that Jim Jones kcufed us up.

Funny the same songs helped us right our wrongs.  Forgive we?

On to today’s post.  We just saw the nomination of our first African-American Presidential Candidate.  Wow.  I honestly thought I’d never see the day.  But I did see the day.  Me and about 500 folks packed out a nightclub to watch it.  By the way Champ, Bonequisha said hi and quit coming late on her child support.

Well the nomination got me to thinking about folks in my life that I’d LOVE to nominate for something.  And since we had a gang of nominations (and one erroneous Republican cock-up) yesterday, I figured I’d keep the democracy alive and tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I dated a crazy chick.  No, really.  I mean she was bonkers.  In fact, let me tell you how bonkers she was.  She was so bonkers that though we never actually went on a date, we were dating.  How in Sam Hill were we dating you ask?  Good question.  I know this because her parents told me that we were a happy couple and had been for quite some time.

Imagine my surprise.  I hadn’t the foggiest.

Bottom line though, apparently I was dating a crazy chick.  Just because I didn’t know it doesn’t mean it wasn’t so.  It just wasn’t all-the-way so.  Just so-so.  So So Def.

Well every so often, this nutso broad runs through my mind and I’m prone to stifling a laugh at that situation.

In fact, if I was given only one chance to nominate a person for one award EVER, she’d be the person as I’d nominate her for Craziest Heffa To Grace The Face of Earth for her constant shenanigans and inability to take no for an answer.

I swear, I once told her that I never wanted to talk to her ever again.  She called me right back to tell me that she only thought I was joking and that I couldn’t possibly mean it.

I keed you not.

So my good friends of VSB.com and newfound lurker friends who’ve been outed as of yesterday:

If you could nominate any of your past relationships or relationshipees for an award…what award would you present to them?  In fact, it can be either good or bad.  We all have somebody we can nominate da**it.  I’ll save the good ones for the comments assuming I can get to them.

And by the way, the Ike and Tina Award for Most Punches Thrown in the middle of a Quiet Conversation goes to a couple I just saw walking down U Street, NW, in Washington, DC who I’d swear were completely in love if they weren’t beating the horse’s arse out of one another.  True story.  Even the cop was confused.

Give it to me baby.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

PS I ordered my shirt today.  Did you?