Men do evil.

It’s sometimes referred to as the evil that men do.

I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

The men who do evil, who are notoriously famous for being the executors of the evil that men do, tend to be the rue of the Earth.

Let’s see. There was Hitler. No explanation needed there. There was Jim Jones, who along with his misgivings as a crazed lunatic who convinced hundreds of people to die in Guyana (not Panama), is responsible for making a ghetto brand a household name. For it is Jim Jones who caused the coinage of the now age-old adage, “You won’t get me to drink that Kool-Aid.”

The downside there is that Kool-Aid, on its own merits isn’t exactly a nutritious morning supplement, but still, it’s Kool-Aid. How can you ruin Kool-Aid for everybody by killing people with it? That’s just evil.

As you can see, the whole Kool-Aid things really bothers me.

You’re probably thinking to yourself right now, “Self, what in the hell is this uber-sexxy fellow speaking of?”

A-ha.

Well, amongst the throngs of evildoers who have passed over this Earth, there are a few men (and women) who do not get enough attention for their evil deeds. And I for one don’t think that’s fair. As any God-fearing, justice driven individual would do, I feel that it is my duty to bring those deeds to the limelight. I’m speaking of the creators of…

…low-rise jeans.

Evil.

Maybe it’s just me, but a cool 97% of women who wear low-rise jeans needn’t wear low-rise jeans.

In America, we have a problem. We tend to be largely out of shape. Low-rise jeans exploit this losing effort in the Battle of The Bulge by causing women who know good and got damn well that they have no business wearing anything that will accentuate their mid-sections to wear them and mushroom around their jeans. I mean extra back fat and shit that forms a muffin-top like effect surrounding the jeans.

Essentially I’ve seen women walking around looking like mushrooms.

And that is just wrong.

Granted it’s mostly younger white women who seem to not get the memo on when it is appropriate to wear certain clothing, but I’ve seen black women do it.

And even worse, I’ve seen MEN wearing low-rise jeans. And I don’t mean ninjas sagging either.

So yes, low-rise jeans and their creators are just evil. They know that women want to expose themselves. So women will continue walking around looking like mushrooms, making fashion faux pas after fashion faux pas.

It’s just not sexxy. And it counters that whole, “I don’t want to look fat” mantra that so many women wear so proudly. Know your body and know your limitations. It’s one thing to not care what people think. I applaud that spirit. It’s something altogether to not care what people think at the detriment of other people. Not wearing deodorant, or not bathing regularly, or not being able to wash clothes comes to mind. I can’t not look at a chick with her midriff exposed — especially if it makes me want to go buy some fungus.

Don’t you see the evil here?

For the legions of women who can wear low-rise jeans, keep bangin’. You are a testament to gyms or good genes everywhere. I appreciate seeing your thongs and the way your jeans hang off your hips. In fact, thank you for having discernible hips. It’s clearly an art, not a right.

But for those who cannot. Just perish. Panama says just perish.

We’re nearing Christmas, do the world some justice and let the world know other fashion faux pas that men and women need to do away with.

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-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P