Disconnect: My 9/11 Story

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The relationship between our perception of the passage of time and our age is something that I’ve never been quite able to grasp. I mean, while I know that one second in 1991 and one second in 2011 are supposed to be the exact same amount of time, my mind somehow convinces me that they’re unequal, and I’m not sure why it does this.

For instance, I’m 32 years old. On Sept. 12, 2001, I was 22. 10 years before that — Sept. 12, 1991 — I was 12. When I was 22, it seemed like there was an eon of distance between my age then and me being 12. It may have only been 10 years, but being 12 or 13 or even 16  seemed so foreign and distant to me that it felt like my teens happened an entire lifetime ago.

Now, though, the distance between 22 and 32 seems much, much, much smaller. I remember everything about being 22. I remember what my apartment smelled like (Guardsman, Curve, bbq sauce, sneakers, and condoms). I remember the color of my roommate’s girlfriend’s hair, and I remember trying to find a subtle way to ask him if that was her natural color. I remember exactly how I felt when first learning I’d been betrayed by two of my closest friends. I remember riding to some party with my boy and seeing the face he made as he listened to Eminem’s verse on “Renegade” for the first time. (Any diehard hip-hop fan knows this face. It’s the exaggerated squint/”I just smelled the worst smell on Earth” combo face you make when first hearing an outstanding verse. It’s almost like you can’t believe what you’re hearing.)

I’m bringing this up because of the psychological disconnect currently going on in my head regarding the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. It doesn’t seem like it’s been 10 years already because I (think I) remember everything about that day.

I remember my roommate waking me up to tell me that a plane flew into the World Trade Center, and I remember my half-lucid response. (“N*gga, stop playin. I’m still not letting you hold my watch.“)

I remember the shared collective consciousness of everyone on campus. (People use always use “surreal” to describe this feeling, but to me the best way to explain it was that it seemed like we were all extras in the same movie.)

I remember not wanting to talk or even think about anything other than what the hell was happening.

I remember not being able to reach my parents until early in the afternoon, and manufacturing anxiety even though I knew they were probably just home, watching the news like I was.

I remember that the two or three people I knew who were actually able to get service on their cell phones became rock stars that day.

I remember wondering exactly how “big” this was going to get. How many planes were hijacked? 4? 10? 24?  How long would this continue to go on?

I remember watching CNN and trying to put myself in the shoes of a person near Ground Zero¹ to try to imagine the fear they must have been feeling. I also remember failing at this, becoming annoyed with myself for not being able to produce that level of empathy, and then wondering whether the people around me who seemed completely distraught were genuine or if they were hysterical because they felt that the moment called for hysterics.

But, despite the fact that 9/11 almost seems like it happened 10 months ago instead of 10 years ago, it doesn’t feel that way. The memories are still vivid, so you’d think that when watching a 9/11 related news story or tribute or memorial with footage from that day interspersed, the same feelings I felt that day would come back. But, although I remember how I felt, I can’t reproduce those feelings. I watch the 9/11 footage now, gripped and transfixed by the imagery and the sounds the fact that I remember seeing much of this before, but surprisingly unmoved.

It’s almost as if my heart is outsmarting my brain, convincing me that it’s useless to actually feel the feelings associated with those memories; emotionally downgrading 9/11 from “an event that left everyone shook in some way” to “an especially intense thing that happened on TV a decade or so ago” — really no different than the first 20 minutes of “Saving Private Ryan.”²

I think I understand why my mind does this. While remembering important events helps us make judgements, decisions, and predictions, continuing to go through the emotional rollercoasters associated with those events would probably make us insane. Still, while watching a few of these tributes last weekend and seeing the tears roll down the eyes of people in attendance, I wonder if I’ve gone too far, if becoming as emotionally detached as I seem to be is dangerous. Hmm. Maybe I’ll figure it out by 2021. Seems like a while to wait for an answer, but if the last ten years are any indication, it should be right around the corner.

That’s enough from me today. People of VSB.com, what are your 9/11 stories? How did it make you feel, and how much of a disconnect is there between how it made you feel then and how it makes you feel today?

¹It’s also interesting how my mind continues to think of 9/11 as just a NYC event, even though I’m very aware of what happened at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, PA — a city maybe 60 minutes away from where I’m sitting right now.
²I didn’t say this in the entry, but I do also realize that if I personally lost a loved one that day  (or even was in NYC or the Pentagon or Somerset County) my feelings about this would probably be much, much different. And, for those who did actually lose someone, I don’t mean to be flippant or minimize any pain you might be feeling.

—The Champ

234 thoughts on “Disconnect: My 9/11 Story”

  1. THANK YOU for confirming the fact that I have not lost my mind!! I feel terrible for struggling to feel empathy because I feel like its something I SHOULD feel. Its been 10 years but it doesn’t feel like it. I still remember where I was and how I called my sister a liar after she told me a plane hit the 1st WTC tower. I remember being afraid & feeling like America’s cloak of invincibility was no more. In spite of this (don’t tase me bro), I struggle to convince my brain that it is a necessity to stop every year on 9/11 and remember. I don’t think I will ever forget, but I wonder if I can ever truly reproduce the feeling.

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      • “I remember being afraid & feeling like America’s cloak of invincibility was no more.”

        I agree, but that was stripped in 1993 with the first bombing.
        http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2008/february/tradebom_022608

        I worked for a company headquartered in NYC blocks away from WTC at the time. My colleague told me if the building had fallen that day they would have been killed. I left that company in 1994 so I don’t know if anyone I know was a victim in 2001.

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        • “I remember being afraid & feeling like America’s cloak of invincibility was no more.”

          I remember every year in school that we were taught America was immune to attacks since we were surrounded by 2 oceans, Mexico and Canada. We would see anyone coming over the ocean and Canada and Mexico weren’t going to invade us.

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          • Unfortunately, some suspected terrorist cells were plotting to come to the US through Mexico because of lax border controls. There are paths from Canada to the US where there are no border guards. How do you think they smuggle in drugs? If drugs can get in, stop and think about what terrorists can get in. :| Or not.

            BTW, we’re only 50 miles (Alaska) from Russia, and they have moments where they are not really American friendly. There are a lot of long range missiles that can reach America and submarines always in international waters just 14 miles off shore. Nuff said.

            We’re not safe, but we keep on living. :)

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          • Perhaps most of you were too young to understand the implications of this act. The 1996 TWA 800 down was another that has never really had an explanation that I am aware. Only to say that there was probable malfunction of some sort. Yet, you have eye witnesses from all over Manhattan reporting a missile before the plane exploded mid-air.

            It’s funny, but before I married a Muslim Arab, I didn’t know what I know now about the extremists that live among us. My world was pretty well… well Southern. I stayed the fck out of politics. Now I know what I know and it’s hard to have these conversations with folks that don’t follow these developments over the years, and you do have to study these issues for years to understand the multitude of conflict. Sometimes I wish I still lived in that state of ignorance.

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        • “I agree, but that was stripped in 1993 with the first bombing.”

          I don’t think the 1993 had the same effect. I know it stunned and shocked just the same but there was a completely different vibe from what I can remember. I was only 13 then. The veil dropped for me w the WTC attack because I was an adult and could actually process what happened as opposed to just watching and not really understanding the severity of what happened in 93. I guess it was more of an age thing but 93 was isolated while the WTC was an attempt on multiple targets.

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    • “I remember being afraid & feeling like America’s cloak of invincibility was no more. ”

      I was just thinking about that on the way to work today…it’s like we ARE touchable…and we need to start remembering that next time we go invading countries that we have nothing to do with…

      KMN

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  2. was a senior in high school … we didnt have cell phones. we just walked to the nearest friend’s house and stared at the tv for hours. now i work in a federal building walking distance from WTC and every time they have “alerts” and stuff a small part of me wonders … when the earthquake happened my entire building of federal employees panicked and ran outside.

    i live my life just as before … but im not one of those people thats always like “oh the news is so stupid, theres no terror threat, bla bla”… we aint think it could happen then … like seriously … with box cutters, but it did. so i dont live in fear … but i always have flats at work.

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    • and i dont feel “sad” because i didnt lose a personal friend or family member that day. its a general respect but not the type of sadness that could bring me to tears.

      death of a close relative / friend can bring me to tears on a random day when reminiscing, but everyone i know was safe on 9/11 luckily so its not the same for me as for those that lost someone

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      • “death of a close relative / friend can bring me to tears on a random day when reminiscing, but everyone i know was safe on 9/11 luckily so its not the same for me as for those that lost someone”

        yeah, same here. i think the lack of a real personal connection enables you to “get over” something like this much quicker

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  3. My biggest issue with 9/11 right now is not that I cant believe it happened 10 years ago, but that I just don’t feel the same….sorrow/empathy for the victims. Maybe it’s because I was so young when it happened (15). Maybe it’s because I was so removed from the actual tragedy (I was in high school in Ohio and all my friends/fam were in Harlem, not Manhattan).
    I know that I cared deeply for the first few months after the tragedy. And I know that I still get slightly misty at things like the state farm commercial that aired today, but I just can’t really make myself care as much as I think I should.

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    • I can totally understand where you’re coming from. When the planes hit TWTC, I saw it on the news but paid it no mind because it was in NYC. I just went on about my daily routine, I too was 15. HOWEVER! When that plane hit the Pentagon, it hit home, and SH!T GOT REAL. My whole fam works in and around the DC area.

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  5. It was the first time in my life I felt helpless. The first time I realized the amount of control I have over my life was not as much as I thought.

    My dad was at the Pentagon that day. I didn’t learn he was ok until 12 hours later.

    I never want to feel the way I felt that day again.

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      • It may be thought of like that elsewhere, but here in D.C. it is well recognized that it affected people here, NYC and Pennsylvania and even further. A member of my church died at the Pentagon and the service yesterday was dedicated to her; there were memorials all over; although the national news focused on the ground zero memorials, local news focused on the pentagon. All that to say, it doesn’t make me fell any kind of way that others may think of it as a NYC tragedy…..we here in DMV know that it affected everyone.

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      • I don’t think it is an NYC event, but maybe an east coast event. The two planes that flew into the WTC took off from Boston so Massachusetts was heavily affected as well. A man from my hometown was on one of those planes and I was part of a choir at the time that sang at his funeral. I’ve often wondered though if people on the west coast were as affected as we were…

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  6. All I remember I was supposed to go to school, but the bus never came so I tried to break into my friend’s house and everyone in my neighborhood was huddled around the TV. I watched for like 15 minutes and then went back home to my mom who was calling various members of our family because they lived in NYC. Everyone was safe. That’s all I remember.

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  7. Ten years ago on September 11, I turned 11 years old. It was either before or after I’d had back surgery. I didn’t learn of the events fully until weeks later and I felt oddly guilty.

    I felt as though I was wrong for celebrating my own life on a day when so many people lost theirs. It’s bad enough whenever I say my birthday to people they wince or gasp or do something else usually reserved for disgust and sympathy, but for so long I felt that it was wrong of me to be happy for my own life.

    Now I rather have the mindset of reclaiming the day as mine. I don’t turn on the tv (as the news now-a-days is essentially disaster pron so any given day instead of good news all you get is death and despair but no other day is it so universal), I don’t read news stories, and I don’t write. I do what makes me feel good, I spend time with people I love, and I realize that guilt for something that I did not cause nor had anything to do with is a crappy reason not to enjoy the day of my birth.

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  8. I was a freshman in high school and they made the announcement over the PA system in geometry. The rest of the day is kind of fuzzy. All the classes were really somber. Some teachers tried to push us through class to keep us distracted and some just let us go early. My aunt and uncle came and got my siblings and me. My mom was traveling that day so we were trying to find her.

    Her plane had an emergency landing. When she got on the ground my Dad called and told her to get to the nearest car rental, don’t stop, don’t look at the tv. She was able to get one of the last cars and drove home.

    I feel the same way Champ. I’m very glad we are remembering but I just don’t feel the same way I felt 10 yrs ago. I didn’t really participate any of today’s events (unless watching football counts). The only thought I could muster was, “It happened.”

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    • “I was a freshman in high school and they made the announcement over the PA system in geometry.”

      I was sitting in my freshman geometry class when my friend rushed in saying, ‘A plane hit the World Trade Center Tower in NYC” of course I’m like, “Shut up Darryl, lies won’t prevent this quiz we’re about to have”..

      We watched the news coverage all day. Parents took their kids out of school, and it was just sad. I didn’t really feel anything then, but now that I’m older, I don’t/cannot watch the footage. All i think about are the people who were sitting in their offices, working and a freaking plane flies in. Or the families who lost people they love. It weighs really heavy on my heart, and it really makes it hard to deal. I don’t get hysterical or cry or anything, just super depressed.

      I’m with Andi & The Champ, I can remember the day, but I can’t spend time revisiting death. I would rather celebrate life, and pray for those who are currently because of the event.

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  9. A friend of mine was in NYC looking for gigs (as a jazz musician) when he meant to take the bus into Manhattan. He took the correct route AWAY from Manhattan and missed the attacks. Crazier still – as a gigging musician, he accidentally took the ‘away’ subway in Madrid when their subway was bombed

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  10. I watched MSNBC’s replay of NBC’s 9/11 morning coverage on an HD screen with the actual footage coming from a standard definition tape. For me, it distinguished just how far removed from that day we are and aren’t at the same time. It was like watching a black-and-white film, but one you knew every word to because you’d seen it 100 times over and replayed it in your head as many times.

    Personally, I can still see planes flying around Dallas as I drove to work from Fort Woth to Dallas that morning. After the plane hit the The Pentagon, I wasn’t sure it was going to stop. And to see planes flying near downtown Dallas trying to get to Love Field scared me to no end. I was ducking in my car while driving. That feeling never leaves. It’s too vivid, even moreso than HD.

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    • “I watched MSNBC’s replay of NBC’s 9/11 morning coverage on an HD screen with the actual footage coming from a standard definition tape.”

      a friend of mine is actually writing something for a magazine about how the media has changed since then. like, although 9/11 happened ten years ago, it might as well been 100 years in terms of technology.

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  11. It doesn’t seem like 10 years has passed. That day was so emotional for me. I had friends that worked in the WTC, I was working for an Investment firm next to the Pentagon and many of our brokers were located in the WTC. It’s probably the only day that I can remember so vividly minute by minute – our trader announcing when the first plane hit, seeing the 2nd plane hit on tv, and seeing the Pentagon hit outside our window, the enormous fire, and then the chaos of getting home. Also my best friend just finished military service and was flying home from Korea on 9/11. It was the scariest feeling not knowing where she was….The feeling had today was a little more detached, but clearly remember the emotions from that day.

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  13. (Any diehard hip-hop fan knows this face. It’s the exaggerated squint/”I just smelled the worst smell on Earth” combo face you make when first hearing an outstanding verse. It’s almost like you can’t believe what you’re hearing.)

    YES! I know this exact face.

    I remember my roommate waking me up to tell me that a plane flew into the World Trade Center

    This is exactly how I found out. I was off from work that day so I was sleeping and my roomie (now my sister-in-law) was working at CDC when she called and woke me up with the news.

    I was 21 yrs old back on 9/11/01 and I can only remember being scared about so much after the attack and while watching the news.

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    • “This is exactly how I found out. I was off from work that day so I was sleeping and my roomie (now my sister-in-law) was working at CDC when she called and woke me up with the news.”

      when my roommate told me that news, it didnt actually register that it might have been intentional until a half hour or so later

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  14. …becoming annoyed with myself for not being able to produce that level of empathy, and then wondering whether the people around me who seemed completely distraught were genuine or if they were hysterical because they felt that the moment called for hysterics.

    I felt exactly like that. I was one month shy of my 16th birthday, in my 11th grade 2nd period Trigonometry class when the first plane hit, and in 3rd period Psychology when we turned on the TV and watched the 2nd plane hit.

    At first, I felt disbelief, then I remember feeling like so many people were just overreacting. People were crying in the hallways, parents came and got them out of school, some teachers refused to turn on the TVs in our classrooms because they felt like they were protecting us… I called my dad to ask if he was coming to get me. He was like, “For what? You don’t even know anybody in New York. You’ll be fine.” Which was true. So I just went on about my day while half of my school went home.

    I’m sure if I’d actually experienced a loss, that day would be much more significant to me.

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    • I called my dad to ask if he was coming to get me. He was like, “For what? You don’t even know anybody in New York. You’ll be fine.” Which was true.

      I know we’re being rather serious here today but this was hilar! Sounds like something my father would’ve said (although it would not have been true).

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      • Lol. But really, I kind of hate that it’s supposed to be somber and serious, because I didn’t [don't] actually feel that way.

        Again, I would never try to take away from anyone who experienced a loss on that day. I admit in the weeks after, when I heard stories of the people on those planes calling their loved ones on their cell phones to let them know they were going to die – literally heart-wrenching. And I cried then, because if I had been on the receiving end of one of those calls… if that had been my mother or someone else so close to me.. I really don’t know how I could live after something like that.

        But, that didn’t happen to me. So I usually try to stay out of any 9/11 conversations so I don’t seem apathetic.

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    • For me it was emotional because 1) the number of people of lost their lives at the same time 2) the sheer terror some of those people must have experienced is incomprehensible. I think for many, seeing the jumpers was the most jarring part. I don’t know anyone who lives in New York but it still resonated with me for some reason. I can understand your perspective though; I’ve felt that lack of empathy for many terrible events and wondered why.

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      • I agree, the people jumping sticks in my mind most clearly today. I think it was the event was more real seeing an actual person in their final moments. I still occasionally wonder about how terrified they had to have been and what was involved in the thought process to jump.

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        • Cassandra, right.

          That’s why I just could.not watch the footage yesterday. The images of folks jumping out the building is just….I can’t. Not then, not now.

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  15. I remember seeing something on the news about an airplane crash before leaving home to catch the school bus, but I didn’t pay it any attention. As I was walking to the bus stop, these news alerts were flooding my two way but I ignored those as well…Fast forward toward the end of first period (I was in the 10th grade) we could see the black smoke in the air from the Pentagon. From there, it seemed as if things were going in slow motion but that school became a free for all, despite the fact that we had been put on lock down. They were calling for early dismissals over the loud speaker for the next 3 hours. It was crazy!!! Nobody had cell phone reception and folks were extra panicked. People were running up and down the halls crying hysterically. I’m still not sure if it was the thought that their loved ones were gone or just being caught up in the moment. Even through all of that, hadn’t quite grasped what was going on, I just knew it I needed to get gone…ASAP!! As I live in the DC area, most of my family was/is employed by the government in some way and thats really all I could think of. I just wanted to make sure they were all safe, and fortunately, they were.

    As for this event being emotionally donwgraded. I share your feelings, Champ. Today, as I hear the stories and see the images, I still can’t believe it happened but I don’t feel the way I felt, that day. I wish I knew why, but I just don’t know.

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  16. that entire day was surreal for me. i was in junior high sitting in the classroom when people were getting called out of the classrooms while people were trying to figure out what was going on. this was in brooklyn btw. and then our homeroom teacher told us that the twin towers were struck down, and they were calling people down whose parents they believed worked nearby. after school when we went outside, you could smell the burning, but still not everyone knew what happened, so some people were somber, while others were joking about barbecues and stuff. we had no cell phone service, limited tv so it was hard to contact people we knew to make sure they were alright. a few of the people i knew who worked in the area showed up, hours later thankfully, because they had to walk home from manhattan, over the bridge and everything. it was a terrible feeling, because there was this general fear, and anger, but stiill hopelessness, because the only thing you could do was sit and wait, while watching tv. on every local news station, they showed the planes crash over and over into the buildings. i’ll never get that image out of my head.

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  17. Maybe there’s a disconnect because many of the questions we all have still really haven’t been answered or we’ve been lied to or pacified by the media.

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  18. I think you captured how I felt, “surprisingly unmoved.” I remember walking home from my 8:00am class, and one of my roommates was watching CNN in the living room. He didn’t say anything, the TV said it all…….there were planes flying into the WTC. I watched for about 20 minutes, we talked about it for a while, then I went to take a nap before my next class. I always thought my reaction, or lack of a reaction, signaled that I was more unpatriotic than most, or maybe I was just a cold-hearted person. I know some guys who were so compelled to join the military to get the douche bags that declared war on America. I personally know some people who died in combat because of their conviction. When I compare my response with theirs, it makes me wonder why I was so “surprisingly unmoved.” Joining the military to defend America never really crossed my mind, but I prayed for the victims and the families who were affected by such a tragic event. I think what happened was really messed up, but I didn’t shed any tears. I kind of kept it moving, and I always thought I was in the minority of people who had such a minimal reaction to 9/11.

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  19. I didn’t say this in the entry, but I do also realize that if I personally lost a loved one that day (or even was in NYC or the Pentagon or Somerset County) my feelings about this would probably be much, much different. And, for those who did actually lose someone, I don’t mean to be flippant or minimize any pain you might be feeling.

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  20. I was in 8th grade at the time and getting ready for school when the 1st plane hit. When I got to school, my classmates (and me as well) were worried another plane was going to come & hit the Sears Tower & became scared out of our minds. It was just crazy how the replaying of footage showed the towers there one moment, then the next they were flaming towers of death. I didn’t feel anything today, it was a regular day like every other one. But I understand & respect that there are still some who may feel emotional & give recognition to what happened.

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  21. I was teaching at a special needs school. My lesson was interrupted by a staff member wheeling a tv into the classroom and turning it on so we could see the smoke rising from the first impact. Within minutes we were told to go home. I sat at home watching the fall of both towers wondering who had orchestrated such a spectacle and how our society would change. We see the changes and still don’t know who orchestrated the drama which put it all in motion.

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  22. The initial shock and disbelief that accompanied the event. Because things like this did not happen in America only in tiny countries with names that were hard to pronounce.

    The silence of my campus…total silence.There was no birds chirping, only the sound of the wind moving through the trees.

    Students freaking out because many were from long island and there was no news and limited cell service.

    The feeling of being helpless and wanting to know WHY someone could do something so heinous and unimaginable…and the irony of the date and how they were the same numbers used to call for help.

    Saying prayers for my mom changing her mind and not being in the area on her way to work when the planes hit.

    I haven’t thought about these feelings for 10 years.

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  23. I remember being scared as f*ck. I forgot that my aunt no longer worked at the WTC (her old floor took plane #2.) Plus my sis and her friend were in NYC celebrating high school graduation. Regular and cell phones were down and we couldn’t contact them for hours. A friend of mind slept on the floor of her office since she couldn’t escape Manhattan. That day was just a blur.

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  24. “People of VSB.com, what are your 9/11 stories? How did it make you feel, and how much of a disconnect is there between how it made you feel then and how it makes you feel today?”

    Tough one, but I’ll share what I can. We (my ex and I) had been through this type of trauma before 9/11. Can’t go into specifics, but it was in 1990.

    I was at home the morning of 9/11 and woke up to watch GMA. It was a part of my morning ritual before getting the kids to school. I turned on the television to see the horror that was unfolding and knew instantly what had happened and the person/group behind the event. I called my parents and asked them if they were watching, and of course they were. My kids asked if they should go to school and I said, yes, because we must continue to live our lives. To change our lives because of what they did or are doing is to let them win.

    It was surreal- that is the only word for it. I was going through the motions of living, but my mind was in other places; reflecting through things I’d read. When American flags went up around the country, I was the first in my neighborhood to post our flag; yes I actually owned an American flag. It wasn’t just about the attacks for me, but because my ex was Arab and Muslim I felt as if my kids or myself may become a targets of ignorance and hate. There were reports of Indians, Sikh and others being beaten and killed. I listened to the radio as the hosts talked to their audience urging them to stay calm and I called into the radio and got my 3 minutes of talk time too.

    But, there was the tell tale sign of the impending attack; the assassination of Ahmed Masoud on 9/9 which rocked me then and the web sites of extremists that went missing about a week before the attack. There were the embassy bombings in Nairobi and of the USS Cole. It was a scary time for me like no other because I found myself in the middle of something amazingly crazy and not being able to connect the dots.

    I guess today I feel a sense of loss for the country we were before that day. I feel angry that people still haven’t realized that ‘terrorists’ come in many different forms, from every religion, and from every country. And, I’m dismayed that so many are still so ignorant of entities within our government whose involvement created people like bin Laden. Yes, ‘we’ got bin Laden, but his kind is like the snakes on the head of Medusa… cut one off and more grow in its place. :(

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  25. I was a sophomore in HS when it happened. I believe I was in English class. The teachers immediately turned on the TVs and nothing but the look of horror was on our faces. We were all afraid and worried bc we kinda knew what that meant for the loved ones we had in the military. They allowed some of the students to go home early, but I can’t remember if I left early or not. Being a Christian private school, we had Bible class and just used that hour to pray for our country.

    I felt for the families who lost loved ones and for the many men and women called to go to war back then. I still do, but I’m not nearly as emotional as I was then. I just want to let those who perished rest in peace. It will never be forgotten but reliving the painful memories wouldn’t do us any good.

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  26. My parents grew up in NYC. My mother died 1/5/2001. On 9/11 I was 36
    and worried about family members (my MTA cousin was safe). But I
    couldn’t help thinking what my mother would have thought. My (federally-
    funded) job site was considered to be in the top ten terrorist risk sites
    in California and was closed for at least three days.

    Then the pleas of people looking for missing family members really got to me.
    The only non-9/11 programming on was Sesame Street. I watched and talked
    to family members on the phone.

    I avoided watching anything 9/11 today. I still feel the combined loss.
    I watched and wrote love stories instead.
    9/11

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  27. i was a freshman in high school. while walking in the senior hallway between my first period english honors class to 2nd period spanish, i overheard some seniors talking about the “world trade center” and i wondered what that was. then in the next class the prinicipal made an announcement over the PA system. for the rest of school that day, we did not work. we just watched the news in disbelief and confusion in every class. teachers cancelled all homework. one of my best friends dad worked in nyc but her mom called the school asap to let her know he was fine.

    i didnt understand what was going on really, just knew it was bad. that day my mom told me everyone in her generation remembers forever exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard dr. king and president kennedy were assassinated. she said 9/11 would be the same for my generation. she was right.

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    • “everyone in her generation remembers forever exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard dr. king and president kennedy were assassinated. she said 9/11 would be the same for my generation. she was right.”

      I’ve amassed a few of those at this point: 9/11, the Oklahoma City bombing, space shuttle Columbia incident, space shuttle Challenger incident, and oddly enough, the death of Princess Diana.

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  28. I still feel things, not as much as i did then, but its all still there. I think for most people the reason we don’t feel as much now as we did then is because most of us weren’t sad, we were scared, confused and panicked. Especially those of us living near NYC and DC.
    I had an aunt that worked across for the WTC Plaza, 2 cousins that worked in the Pentagon and a ton of family in the DMV area. I could see the smoke coming from the towers from my house. (I lived about 30 miles away at the time.) It was all very real for me. Thankfully i didn’t lose anybody but there were a couple of people in my high school that did.

    But you’re right, its crazy to think that it had been 10 years already.

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  29. I was in New York the day before. My dad is from Queens, so the trip was not unusual for us to take. But it was special, because that was the first time my parents took me downtown site seeing, like tourists, and not to the regular spots in Queens (like the Chinese food place off Linden). Anyways, I begged and begged to be taken to see the Twin Towers because I was fascinated with skyscrapers. I got to see them, the Empire State, the Chrysler and a few others on that trip. Downtown was that Monday.

    Fast forward a day. Still euphoric of being in the big city, a place where many of my classmates (I was in high school at the time) had never been, I strolled into class late that day, only to see wild sh*t on the television. I asked what movie it was they were watching, and was promptly informed that it was actually a terrorist attack.

    Long story short: my family made it unscathed, although a few of them got caught in the chaos of Manhattan (and covered in quite a bit of dust), and my parents actually asked me if I wanted to be removed from school that day. It’s a scary feeling being someplace one day, and the next it being reduced to rubble. It’s even scarier by chance (traffic, hooky, a change of scheduling) that my family was directed away from the towers. I could have lost loved ones. I’m blessed that I didn’t.

    I don’t want to pretend like I was a victim, because I wasn’t. But that feeling of knowing they could have struck a day or two before and it could have been me in that building. Puts life into perspective.

    Anyways, I hope that everybody who has tried to commercialize 9/11 rots in a fiery hell proctored by Hitler and the Pedo-Bear. That ish is so uncool.

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    • I watched American Greed this weekend. It talked about the scams people ran after 9/11 to get money. One was a guy claiming benefits for a person killed in the towers that didn’t exist. The other was a contractor overbilling the government for rebuilding the Pentagon- used the money to open a restaurant and a hair salon.

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  30. I was feeling the same disconnect until I started watching A Special Edition of 20/20 which has me bawling like a baby. It’s bringing back the memories of 9/11 vividly. Here’s my story:

    I was living in Chicago going to college and had spent the summer working there. School didn’t start for another couple of weeks so I was planning on going home on 9/12 for about a week or so. I woke up and turned on the news to hear that Chicago O’Hare was closed. About 5 mins later, I saw the second plane hit. I got really scared when I heard that one of the flights was a United plane bound for LAX from Boston since my mother is a flight attendant and that is a route that she often flew. Thankfully, she was off that day and at home. Then I heard that the next target was the Sears Tower in downtown Chicago and got really scared because I knew my dad was downtown at his office. I called him and yelled at him to go home and stay out of downtown.

    I think I spent the next week constantly crying while watching all of the coverage especially watching people looking for their loved ones.

    I think I felt that disconnect because I’ve seen this footage over and over again. It’s no longer surprising and frankly it feels like so long ago to me. But the personal stories on this 20/20 got me.

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    • I’m from Chicago, and I remember the rumors of the Sears tower being targeted next. I didn’t know many people that worked down there (i was a jr in high school), but moreso than the attacks in NY that actually happened, i felt some way because the Sears Tower is RIGHT in my backyard. There’s a highway overpass not far from my house that is directly south of the city (in Homewood over 90/94), and you could see the tower from there, and i just thought it smoking. I remember walking home from school early, and it was just like a SEA of kids just walking, and the sky was the same shade of blue as it was in NY. I remember that blue so VIVIDLY.

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      • a block up from my school was a community of Arabs…i remember not even thinking immediately about who was suspected to have done something this. I played on the baseball team with a set of twins from that Arab neighborhood. Used to eat lunch with them cats everyday. They got a new nickname from some of the meaner ppl in our school. They called them the Bin Laden boys. THAT, i remember.

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  31. Today I am back in NYC and working in the city. Ten years ago I was in Atlanta starting my sophomore year, sitting in one of my science classes trying to wake up because I actually made it to my 9 am class. The head of my department came in and announced to the class there was like there was an attack in NY. I got up, ran in his office with the tv with a few other students. He finally kicked us out and brought the tv into our classroom. I watched and felt like I was watching a movie. All I kept thinking as I watched the first tower was this can’t be real. I watched with others as the second plane hit and then it all hit me what the hell was happening and what this meant. I went and had me a few drinks about 10 in the morning to calm my nerves. All the tri state people were told to go to the gym so we could get up to date info and after a long while all my friends and family were accounted for and I felt alot calmer.

    on 9/10 I found myself watching a program about 9/11 and I was stuck. I couldn’t change the channel even though I wanted to, I couldn’t look away even though I had every chance. I watched the show for about an hour, people telling their stories, video footage of the plane hitting, the towers falling and people jumping out of windows and I cried and I had such a heavy heart. So yesterday I didn’t watch any of the programming or the memorial services. I didn’t want to feel that overwhelming sadness again so I watched tv with my nephew and we watched Nick Jr and Fairly Odd Parents most of the day.

    Right now the city is still on high alert from possible unconfirmed threats…I can’t live my life in fear. I know we are supposed to honor those who died and all, but sometimes I feel like the footage and the constant acknowledgment is more punishing to those who are alive. Those images are haunting and torture. May those who died rest in peace, and may those who continue to live, live in peace as well.

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    • “but sometimes I feel like the footage and the constant acknowledgment is more punishing to those who are alive. Those images are haunting and torture.”

      I felt this way too. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel when I rewatch that. It just makes me angry and sad.

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  32. I was in the Air Force at th time, in Okinawa, TDY (temporary duty….like a business trip, in camoflage).

    I remember white people actually treating me like a human being.

    I remember thinking that this treatment won’t last a month…..I remember that it didn’t even last a week.

    I remember thinking that some poor country is going to glow in the dark for the next 10,000 years.

    I remember thinking to myself “it’s about fucking time America got its nose bloodied”.

    I also remember not telling anyone that feeling, because I knew I would be lynched.

    I remember EVERY freakin’ white acquaintance I knew tried to use 9/11 to convince me that racism doesn’t exist anymore, because “they hate ALL of us”

    …..and then I remember white people calling Arabs “sand ni66ers”.

    …and then I remember shaking my head.

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    • So my pops should have risked your life because you met some racist jerks? You do realize how many Black people died, and you were glad because some White people got their comeuppance?

      Here’s a newsflash: the world is NOT about you. The second you get through your head, the second you might see some peace.

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      • Todd, dear, Dee’s it is not a personal statement against you or your family. I understand where you’re coming from and I know you love your dad. The entire event wasn’t about him specifically. He wasn’t specifically the target. Bin Laden was going for symbols/targets of wealth (ironic since he was inherently wealthy himself) and symbols of military power, hence the Pentagon. Had flight 93 made it to DC I’m thinking the target would have likely been Congress.

        But, from the targets we should, as a nation, realize that it wasn’t about any one people, except the American people.

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        • Nilla, I get he wasn’t getting at my dad specifically. It was just that dude is so caught up in his own demons that he seems callous to the loss of life. That’s my issue. I don’t see how someone can be so caught up as to not give a fck about anyone else, especially on something like that. Talk about selfishness.

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    • Dee, your sentiments were not alone though I do not share them. I heard/read the same things from others around the world. The fact that you were in the military is of no surprise to me either.

      What some folks may never realize is that American foreign/international relations suck- hard. There are many attacks on peaceful populations and scores of civilians that die based on intelligence that could be true or misguided. Even today, there are ops that are going down and we’re watching, but we do not grasp the consequences until after the fact. Case in point, currently, Libya; home of the PanAm 103 bombers.

      In my responses, I have provided many examples of attacks upon America. They occur frequently though we don’t always have such media coverage and hardly ever live and continuing the way 9/11 was pulled off.

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      • Nillalette,

        At least YOU understand where I am coming from. I voluntarily served in the military for 9 years, so I’m not Anti-America, but I am anti-hypocrisy.

        I know for a fact that we have, and continue to kill so many people, that it makes the number of people killed on 9/11 looks like a normal day at the office.

        If ANY country had done one millionth of what we have done to other nations, we would respond with nuclear force.

        I know it’s alien to many Americans, but maybe we should value human life, instead of just American ones. We are not better than anyone else, and if you think that you are, then you are part of the problem.

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        • I know exactly where you are coming from, but many dare not speak it. It is hard for many to understand because so many Americans bury their head in the sand hoping what they see and hear cannot be true or they simply refer to it as this conspiracy theory. Here to tell ya, sometimes conspiracy theories are, in fact, conspiracies and evil in nature.

          I also think that a majority of Americans forget that not all ~3K people killed that day were all Americans. They forget that they weren’t all only Christian. They forget just how many times we (US) have initiated war or left others we said we’d support hanging in the wind. On the other hand, we have supported those like bin Laden and Saddam Hussein KNOWING their hands were bloodied. And, yet, most Americans can’t understand why terrorist attacks happen??

          Examples: The conflict of when Iraq/Saddam invaded Kuwait knowing full well that Bush Sr. sanctioned the action then threatened Saddam to withdraw. I remember the killing field from Kuwait to Iraq as Iraqi troops retreated only to be slaughtered by American forces. I remember Bush Sr. claiming they’d support the Shiite in Southern Iraq and then left them hanging in the wind to be slaughtered by the Republican Guard- hundreds of thousands; men, women and children.

          I remember the call to arms against Saddam that he gassed his own people (Kurds), but that the US looked in the other direction when it happened. I remember the out right lie that Saddam had WMD and folks buying into it when Scott Ritter, UN weapons inspector, repeatedly told them there were no WMD in Iraq. These are but a few examples, but there are so many more and not just in the middle east. This and many more incidents like this is why there is so much disgust and hatred for America.

          Since 9/11 how many innocent lives have been extinguished? How many lives does it take to call it even? More over, where is the integrity of our ‘leaders’?

          “maybe we should value human life, instead of just American ones.”
          Touche’

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          • Precisely, what we have done in the Middle East, in middle and South America, in Asia, and let’s not even get started on Africa!

            And WE have the nerve to think we are somehow special, or suffering more than people in some other nation that have had someone die at the hands of the U.S.????

            A father is a father, a mother is a mother, sisters, brothers, babies, etc. all over the world, and they are loved just as much in Somalia, Afghanistan, Cuba, Chechnia, and everywhere else JUST AS MUCH as they are in the United States.

            I’m not saying that the events on 9/11 is not tragic, but at this point, for us to be going on as we are about it, 10 years later……sorry folks, but it looks a lot of emotional masturbation to me.

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                • ok, then how about we forget and get over some things a bit older than 9/11…..like Independence Day?

                  Columbus Day should be an easy delete. Right?

                  Really, do we need to still be celebrating Washington’s birthday? Why? I mean, that’s so in the past……..right? And he WAS a slave-owner, wasn’t he? And let’s not even get started on Jefferson.

                  You see, some things are worth remembering…..or are they.

                  And while we are on the subject, shouldn’t Native Americans get at least ONE holiday? I mean, this was their country, before it was taken from them by lies and dirty deals (like the Louisiana Purchase), peace treaties that were NEVER intended to be honored, and they were rendered nearly extinct by European aggression, disease, and war. And on top of that, the ones that survived aren’t living in Manhattan, or someplace really nice and pristine; They were handed the least valuable land possible….deserts and undesired grasslands. Wow.

                  That’s like somebody claiming your house is theirs, killing your family, and then forcing you to live in a closet….in the garage.

                  I think a national holiday for them is in order. If Washington can get a holiday, then Native Americans should get 5. I think they earned it.

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                  • “Columbus Day should be an easy delete. Right?”

                    Works for me. :)

                    Surprised you left off Andrew Jackson. And, being that I’m part Cherokee, yes, I’m all for a National holiday for Native Americans. After all, 25 million did perish. That out numbers how many Jewish people killed in the Holocaust by how many?

                    “That’s like somebody claiming your house is theirs, killing your family, and then forcing you to live in a closet”

                    Palestine. Need we argue more? :)

                    Loss of life is never trivial IMHO.

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  33. In the grand scheme of things I get what you sayin @The Champ. I remember the feelings I felt about the whole thing and seeing the reaction of people around me who actually had fam in NYC at the time. With the movie they made about Flight 93 and all the specials, somewhere along the way all the empathy and sad feelings went out the window (this is at all no diss to someone who lost someone please forgive me if it comes off that way). I don’t want those feelings to come back. It’s like when you’re brain tries to save you from a huge amount of pain, your brain blocks out you ever remembering that exact feeling.

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  34. i had just started my freshman year of college, in NYC…so it really set the tone for my college experience. i lived 4 years on reddish orange alert.

    i could see a smoking tower in the distance when i woke up, then watched the 2nd tower get hit live on tv w/other people on my floor…i was somewhat dumbfounded at 1st, not really understanding what was what…

    it was a dark time, what i remember most is the fear of what was going to happen next…the fighter jets in the sky…the smell of burnt-ness…completely empty streets except for the trucks carrying debris…
    having everyone i ever met in life calling or e-mailing to see if i was ok. my parents wanting me to come home, & me telling them some version of “what will be, will be” although i admit, i definitely had some level of post-traumatic stress after that…i was always uneasy taking the subway, i spent more money than i could afford on cab fare.

    sometimes i would be going out w/my girls on the train, & we would have to get off and the police would search all the cars with dogs–presumably for a bomb. the specter of impending doom would kill my whole mood for the night.

    all over new york, whenever a plane was flying above, everyone would look up, just to see for themselves what was going on. that lasted for years.

    i was also transfixed by it all. i tempered myself knowing that horrendous things happened all over the world, but i was still caught up in the 9/11 drama. i watched a lot of 9/11 specials. all the time. i cried, watching people either jumping or being forced out of windows at WTC.

    there were anthrax scares. biological warfare scares…1 of my roommates had an “emergency kit” which she kept packed by her door…for like 2 years. people were shook.

    a lot of jewish girls who had panicked b/c their fathers worked at WTC then later all relieved their fathers had either been too sick to go to work, left late, or had doctors appointments. i continue to find this curious.

    lots of complete and utter disbelief of this magnitude of destruction was caused by box-cutters.

    there were groups of people who were way too self-aggrandizing who feared that because our university contained some of the “best & brightest minds”, we would be the next target…

    i remember manhattan being completely blocked off, and feeling mild panic of being trapped on an island.

    i remember most people just kinda being in a subdued daze…

    in following days, there was overwhelming zionist antagonism on campus accompanied w/requisite anti-muslim sentiment. my muslima roommate had a random passerby throw a fastfood cup half-filled w/pop (soda) @ her as we were crossing broadway.

    american flags popped up all over manhattan.
    manhattan was also covered with photos of people whose bodies had not been found, posted by their loved ones with phone numbers asking for phone calls if the person pictured was found.

    my military who had just enlisted for college benefits were all in denial about the fact that they were going to be sent to battle…they all were.

    i remember i had to fly home less than a month after 9/11, from LaGuardia…i truly felt like i had to make peace with death to get on that flight. Also, every flight i flew from October 2001– until some time around 2007, i was always “randomly selected” to be searched and patted down. EVERY. FLIGHT. & i did a lot of flying back then.

    i’m going off topic but thanks for this opportunity to vent. but anyway that day was basically a lot of shock, tears, disbelief, talking in low voices with dazed expressions, and looking fearfully to the sky anytime we heard a noise. there was also eerie quiet in the streets of manhattan.

    on a FUNNY (effed up) note…
    in 2004, i was at a club w/some friends…they were playing video of abstract art in the club, but all of a sudden that cut off to show 9/11 footage. however, none of us in that room realized that this was old footage, or that it clearly wasn’t “Live” since the tape showed daylight and it was 11 a.m. not putting any of that together, there were approximately 30 people in a panic, whipping out cell phones to find out about this “new” attack in new york…LOL…we all felt really dumb when we figured it out.

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      • “my military who had just enlisted for college benefits were all in denial about the fact that they were going to be sent to battle…they all were.”

        Maybe them, but me and my compatriots all knew what we were about to embark on, it was “oh, ok – we got this -let’s do it!” – there was no fear, just a sense of “we/ have spent the past umpteen trillion dollars, and the last umpteen years preparing for this moment – we ready, trained, HIGHLY motivated”

        Say what u will about how to define if we have ‘won’ the war, but Afghanistan has paid the price for harboring UBL. let’s hope they learned their lesson.

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        • >>>Say what u will about how to define if we have ‘won’ the war, but Afghanistan has paid the price for harboring UBL. let’s hope they learned their lesson.<<<

          there are a couple things wrong with this comment. it's not as if the entire nation of afghanistan made a collective decision to provide bin laden safe haven–if that's even where he really was; people had been saying he was in pakistan almost immediately after 9/11.
          that would be like saying it's ok for pakistan to bomb the crap out of us, b/c "America" needs to pay the price for this drone strike war we continue to wage on them.
          you can't judge any people by their government.

          i just find this is not a useful way of framing the conflict at all. have the combo of the U.S.' dealings with iraq, afghanistan, & pakistan made you genuinely feel safer? if so, bless you. i feel a lot less safe.

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          • look,
            don’t get too preachy with it – its a just a general comment on the aftermath of 9/11.
            history lesson: after 9/11 we said to the afghan people and the govt : give him up or we drop the bombs.
            they didn’t, (the government, nor did the people protest for his release)
            hence, bombs dropped.

            never make the mistake of disconnecting a people from the government.
            that’s a tragic error.

            you have the government that you allow (or vote for) – and thus are accountable for their actions. -many a history lesson there-(rwanda, germany, slavery,jim crow)

            jomini and clausevitz were very clear that wars are fought people vs people, not govt vs govt. you may want to believe that other propaganda – but its just that.

            having fought in the war, ‘feeling safe’ is not a great concern for me – so if you thought that war was going to make you feel safe – reconsider that premise -quickly. but I’ll save my “purpose for war” lecture for later.

            We are not and never will be ‘safe’ -> come to accept that. its a bit of a modern illusion.

            keep calm and carry on tho.

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            • Most of the Afghan population hated Osama Bin Laden. They did then, and they still do now. You say that you can’t separate the people from the government because that’s who they voted for, but the majority of the Afghan people did not vote the Taliban into power. And also, if they didn’t give up Bin Laden, perhaps it had to do with Ahmad Massoud’s assassination two days before 9/11. He was a leader of the Afghans against the Soviets, and look how he ended up. Of course the people would be fearful. They lived a 9/11 almost every day since about 1979, from the Soviet Invasion up until the rise of the Taliban. I know this because my Afghan friends have told me this themselves.

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              • afghanistan,
                been there met the people,
                the history before 1979 is even more difficult.

                bottom line: there are no innocents in war (either side) its a messy endeavor that has a messy outcome no matter what.

                the ‘greeted as liberators’ crap that is spewed out makes war seem simple – it aint. Its an inherently amoral activity, that is undertaken with great trepidation and under solemn circumstances.

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            • “never make the mistake of disconnecting a people from the government.
              that’s a tragic error. —- you have the government that you allow (or vote for) – and thus are accountable for their actions”

              OMFG… you have without a doubt written EXACTLY why America has been targeted and attacked. This is the same thing non-Americans say about our own government — we ALLOW our government to kill them therefore WE, Americans, are responsible and have to be held accountable.

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              • negative, that statement was a description for the US, not the foreign governments. but could probably apply, the arab spring being a great example.

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                  • ? – not sure what u mean here, but the standard ( probably) applies to all countries. All I am saying is 1) as a US Citizen, we collectively act – while an jndivudual may not agree with the govt, the govt can do nothing without the support of the people ( soldiers, labor).
                    2) even if not considering the US I think there are a majority of cases where the collective voice of the people is paramount to rule ( read “the prince” by machiavelli). The world is a crazy place though, so I am sure there us 1 or 2 exceptions where the people’s voice/submission is not paramount to rule/ action.-
                    Not seeing the double STD u speak of.
                    Perhaps u r confused by the collective support of the people vs individual support of a govt/ govt actions?

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              • quickly clarify this:
                the reason an enemy (country) attacks : to get us to stop doing something they deem threatening to their existence. [clausvitz - its a paraphrase tho]. we didn’t get attacked for ideology (as you suggest). the real reason we were attacked on 9/11 is lost on so many people, ask yourself, why were we attacked? has the reason even been discussed? nope -just that it was a horrible day and they were horrible people who did it. but there is a definitive objective of what they did (no, not because they hate freedom).

                the best reason for the attack is the US intervention in the defense of kuwait. During the defense of kuwait, we (the UN) asked to use saudi land as a basing location (for us forces) to prevent an invasion – and when that didn’t work- repel the invasion by sadam hussein. This enraged the son of a wealthy construction contractor (who helped build those bases, btw). Was he enraged at the repelling of sadam out of kuwait -> not so much. He really felt that westerners shouldn’t be in the holy land, meddling in arab business. And so OBL began his trek on attempting to get us out of saudi arabia. embassy bombings, WTC 93, and WTC01 followed shortly.

                notice: no policy-on-israel issue here, no ideology (except racism against westerners). just a dude who hates infidels so much he doesn’t want their bases -which were used to protect him (arabs) and kuwaitins (more arabs) from sadam- in their country.

                yep we went through all this crap because we helped out the kuwaitis (and at the same time the iranians, and the saudis). no good deed goes unpunished.

                now I aint the pope, so I am fallible, if I am wrong on my history please let me know.

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                • LSQ,

                  The making of all the attacks over the years is exactly what you wrote…

                  “never make the mistake of disconnecting a people from the government. that’s a tragic error. —- you have the government that you allow (or vote for) – and thus are accountable for their actions”

                  I cannot even begin to tell you how presumptuous you are in every thing else you state and it does not make a bit of sense.

                  Oh, grasshopper, you have much to learn.

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  35. This weekend I watched “9/11 as it happened” on msnbc. It was the broadcast of the Today Show the morning of September 11, 2001. It was an unexplainable feeling watching that, waiting for events to unfold as I knew they would. It was saddening as I watched, I was able to see the moment when the world changed. But this time was different than when I saw it in real time in my 11th grade Spanish class. This time I knew what was going to happen, it made me sad because the people on the tape from 10yrs ago had no clue… When the first plane hit, Matt lauer and Katie coutic spoke of how terrible an accident. What great innocence, we’ll never have that again. Living in DC now, if the train sways too much I cringe and think “terrorist??” I guess one feeling was the same, helplessness. The wanting to do something to make it better but knowing it we’d never be the same again…..

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  36. Wow……it was in the morning, and I was sitting in my chemistry class in high school, all of 16 years old. I remember Mrs. so-and-so turning on the TV and being in total shock…..I also remember feeling completely at a loss for words and emotion because I was in a brand-new school and had no clue how I should react. I remember asking whether or not we should head home and if we would be excused from our classes for the rest of the day, but being the a**hole-ish highschoolers we were, we didn’t really realize the severity of the event until watching the news in depth during the next class. What a scary, confusing, and sadly memorable day that was….

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  37. I was in Switzerland and going to my French class. You could tell on the street who knew and who didn’t. Those who knew walked around shell shocked and the others were going about their business. When I walked into my class my teacher was all happy and I knew that he didn’t know. When I told him he wouldn’t believe me. He ran out to ask others and by that time they knew. We couldn’t even have the class because we were in shock.

    I called my church and asked if they were having a prayer service and the answer was, “Why?” They hadn’t found out yet. (The service was held the next evening.)

    My husband’s birthday was the following week and I invited people over just so that we could talk about something else. Everyone thanked me because it was the first time in a week that they’d felt remotely happy, talked about anything else. It was like dementors had sucked the happiness out of the whole world.

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  38. I was 19. I was in California. in the beggining I didnt understand the severity of what was really happening. As much as I tried to…. Get it, i just couldnt get a grasp on what was was goin on. It only existed on tv to me. Life went on as usual. With the exception of the tv programming. I saw it around me but it didnt stop me from goin to open mic night at my school. I think i just blocked it all out. It was sad but i didnt know anyone it affected personally. Today I watched the memories of it, and I listened to the stories yet I still feel like it was so much bigger than my world. 9/11 is obviously American History. The lives that were lost are tragic. I dont know what I would do if this type of terrorist attack happened in the present, or even closer to home. But, truthfully I have more of an empathetic emotional attachment to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and that was a “natural” disaster.

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  39. This is way too long… and I apologize in advance. I won’t even be mad if you can’t make it through, because I don’t know how I have.

    I fell in love with Manhattan watching old black and white movies on Sunday afternoons, on a little portable television in the kitchen that only got 6 or 7 channels and had a coat hanger for an antenna.

    It seemed a magical, fantastical place, where everyone dressed for dinner, listened to Cole Porter sung live and said witty wonderful things, that kept me looking up words in the dictionary trying to understand and decode the language.

    I was six, and I wanted to go to Manhattan like most kids want to go to Disneyland… no I wanted it more than any other black girl who grew up on the south side of Chicago in the 70’s should.

    I would dream every night of waking up in a city that never slept, instead of having to ride my brand new red bike with the training wheels around in circles in my back yard, because it was so bad out there now on the streets and someone had to watch over me.

    Instead I imagined I would ride that bike with the red and white streamers, and the bell on the handlebars straight to Claudine’s house. Where there would be lots of kids to play with, they didn’t have bikes but I would let them ride mine all they wanted and they would teach me to play stick ball and run in hydrants turned on full blast in summer heat. And I would never be alone in a big back yard ever again… if I could ride to Manhattan.

    The summer I was nine I discovered my grandmothers limited edition copy of Dorthy Parker’s Portable Pocketbook, the Harlem Renaissance, Miles Davis and Billy Holiday. I discovered they all lived at one time on the isle of Manhattan, and my love became an obsession that cradled me in its arms and rocked me to sleep each night.

    That is the summer my grandmother had taken me to see a revival of Taxi Driver at the Music Box Theater, because she couldn’t find a sitter, and then she took me to Greek town for gyros. I didn’t care because the whole time I pretended I was a 5th avenue socialite. See she’d let me carry an old black patten leather hand bag with a roll of life savers in a hidden zippered compartment, along with a fire engine red lipstick that I couldn’t wear and white kid gloves that I could.

    I didn’t wear the gloves it was too hot, but I got a Travis Bickle poster autographed by De Niro that I still have on my wall today.

    The first time I flew on a plane we were going to Manhattan to see Dream Girls on Broadway. It was a cheap airline flight that didn’t have peanuts even and was part of a package that included a tiny, tiny hotel room a walking distance of over a mile from the theater and tickets to the 2:00 pm matinee, but I would get to see Jennifer Holiday sing I’m Not Going and get to walk a full mile through the heart of the city.

    In the end I was excited and pissed. Time Square was no place for a young lady alone walking, so we rode in cabs, both ways. Even though I had just graduated 8th grade and I thought I was grown, cause I rode the subway in Chicago by myself. They said that the city was no place for me, alone, even though I tried to tell them I was in love and had been all my life, they wouldn’t listen.

    So my consolation prize was tea at the Algonquin Hotel where I could see the plaque dedicated to the famous roundtable, and a trip to the Twin Towers and Sardi’s after the show before we left on the red eye the next night I would get to see the MOMA.

    There would be no trips to The Villiage to actually see SAMO graffiti left by Jean-Michel Basquiat and Keith Harring, and why would any young girl prefer the alley to MOMA was a mystery. Granny reminded me that I loved skylines and the Towers were an integral part of New York City… this is Manhattan I corrected, bit did as I was told and longed for more.

    By the time I was old enough to afford my own rebellion I was in college and in love with a bi-racial black jewish boy who called himself Armani X even though his real name was Adam____________. He wanted desperately to be Lenny Kravitz, and he had the wardrobe and charisma but lacked the talent. He’d sold enough weed that summer to supplement his trust fund and still cover his NYU tuition and rent in the Village. So he sent me a first class ticket, along with the promise of designer knock offs straight from the garment district and VIP admission to CBGB’s and the Limelight.

    Provided that I would deliver a package, which I did, but that’s another story.

    I remember descending into Manhattan, alone in first class and in love, seeing the Twin Towers in the distance as a recognition that I was to begin a new adventure. I felt everything I ever wanted to feel in that moment I was in a New York State of Mind, that was playing on my Sony walkman… yes that’s how old I am.

    I was in love, and in Manhattan alone, grown and by myself with the man I thought I would love forever. He bought me a single rose and a slice of pizza, the kind you fold over and eat, and underneath the Twin Towers he kissed me and promised to take me to Paris if I would move with him that night and forget my home training.

    What’s a girl raised in the church to do.

    But by the time I got to Manhattan, NYC, Andy Warhol had died and all his worldly possessions had been auctioned off by Sotherby’s and Jean-Michel Basquiat had ridden a heroin spike to heaven, Fran Lebowitz was touring the south, Interview magazine was on life support along with Keith Harring, who would die a year later and was no longer on the scene…
    I couldn’t see the point.

    Meeting Jazzy J at Roseland couldn’t bridge the gap so I went home.

    I said no to the man I loved with desperation under the Twin Towers, after eating the best hot dog I had ever eaten in life, and left Manhattan because I wanted to pursue adulthood rather than dreams.

    By September 11, 2001, I was in constant motion…moving.

    I had a child, a daughter and encased myself in the dot com bubble and money don’t mean a thing rap music, popping bottles til the bubble burst. I was contemplating giving up smoking cigarettes, but couldn’t think of a reason, other than my daughter, that I would want to live longer… because after 30 you become redundant.

    I was moving… from luxury to the modesty of having to start all over again on an ex lovers couch, calling in favor I never thought I would have to call. Only this time with a toddler, private school tuition, and huge credit card debt in tow… and I thought of Adam________. And it was funny, in a bitter, ironic way. Even with his idleness and sloth, but unlimited resources I felt envy and longing for him… and maybe for what could have been with hindsight.

    I wasn’t watching the news that morning. I was too busy being pissed about my ‘boys’ not showing up for the move as promised. One was with his ace boon coon since diapers because he was dying of cancer and another had his woman go into labor.

    It seems that life kept happening, even though it was f*cking up mine and keeping me from… moving.

    But I had to move, that morning. And the fact that I had been robbed by the landlords crew and got a check cut for the stuff they stole was of small consequence to my piss-off-ed-ness indignation…

    Really… who could be having a worse day than this on 9-11-2001

    I had been up since 4 am after having barely slept the night before, my morning was spent trying to make new arrangements for my move, and all I could hear that morning was a meter ticking away my meager saving because to get what I needed done last minute was going to cost me… big time.

    God must hate me.

    By the time I sat down on the morning of September 11, 2001, 10:30 am… I was broke, pissed and tired… I turned on the t.v.for some respite from thinking about myself and my, self-pity masquerading as righteous indignation. to find the world had changed… once and forever.

    I saw the Towers fall on CNN and thought it was a movie promo… except it was there, the plane and the collapse on every channel.

    This wasn’t no party, no disco, no fooling around… this was real life happening now.

    I immediately tried to touch everyone that I ever knew in who lived in New York… Manhattan.This was futile as you know, because for days there was no service.

    I did the only thing I knew to do, being a good Catholic girl, I lit candles and I prayed… to random saints, Buddha, God, Jesus or any random non-black man who would fix this and put the world right again…

    On 9/11 I wasn’t picky. I was just willing to give anything to anyone at those moments to know that all those I knew and loved were safe.

    Even Adam_______, who I had wished dead on a million different occasions, for reasons I am legally bound not to go into. I prayed, constantly, even for Adam_____.

    I spent my life surrounded by baby boomers who wanted to know, as a litmus test, where you were when Kennedy or King got shot. Well I wasn’t born yet, even though King was shot 2 days before my actual birth date, I wasn’t here yet.

    And there had been times, when I wish I had been… maybe not there, at that moment, but here, to share the story of what it was like.

    Because on 9/11 I learned Adam______ was alive and well and living in Paris, with a wife and two kids.

    Everything and everyone that I loved was alive and well kept… safe.

    But the b*stard was alive and living in Paris of all places, but I had lost my skyline… nothing else just my view of my mystical isle by the Atlantic ocean, seen descending from the sky.

    And I still, to this day, can’t really talk about either ~JS

    Reply ↓

    • If you would indulge me further… cause I’m in a New York State of Mind

      Some folks like to get away
      Take a holiday from the neighbourhood
      Hop a flight to Miami Beach
      Or to Hollywood
      But I’m taking a Greyhound
      On the Hudson River Line
      I’m in a New York state of mind

      I’ve seen all the movie stars
      In their fancy cars and their limousines
      Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens
      But I know what I’m needing
      And I don’t want to waste more time
      I’m in a New York state of mind

      It was so easy living day by day
      Out of touch with the rhythm and blues
      But now I need a little give and take
      The New York Times, The Daily News

      It comes down to reality
      And it’s fine with me ’cause I’ve let it slide
      Don’t care if it’s Chinatown or on Riverside
      I don’t have any reasons
      I’ve left them all behind
      I’m in a New York state of mind

      It was so easy living day by day
      Out of touch with the rhythm and blues
      But now I need a little give and take
      The New York Times, The Daily News

      It comes down to reality
      And it’s fine with me ’cause I’ve let it slide
      Don’t care if it’s Chinatown or on Riverside
      I don’t have any reasons
      I’ve left them all behind
      I’m in a New York state of mind

      I’m just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line
      ‘Cause I’m in a New York state of mind

      Check out Billy Joel singing at the original memorial on Sept. 21, 2001… give a listen if you’d like… and see New York through my eyes and experience why I morn the loss if you like. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAex-c7aNYQ

      Enough for now
      Until then
      Trust ~JS

      Reply ↓

    • “On 9/11 I wasn’t picky. I was just willing to give anything to anyone at those moments to know that all those I knew and loved were safe.’

      i do think that moments like these are a true litmus test to see how much you truly care about a person

      Reply ↓

    • @Jhane Sez

      I have always found myself to be a fan of the opinions you express here from time to time. They tend to be practical and in accordance with what I consider just. I now find myself in admiration of your writing talents. Please continue. And, should you ever decide go into further details regarding that which you do not choose to divulge at this time, you’ve got at least an audience of one.

      Reply ↓

      • @Caballeroso…

        I want to thank you for the compliment, and you need to know that you have rendered me speechless and blushing in an awe shucks kinda way.

        I just finished a big project and have set aside some time to just write, full time, every day. This has long been a dream of mine and I have worked very hard to make this happen so your words of encouragement couldn’t have come at a better time.

        And while I still wonder what I will come up with, it always feels good to know you might have a fan or two waiting in the wings interested in what you have to offer.

        Today hasn’t been very productive for me, I spent most of it reading every single post on VSB as they come in and some twice. I will probably be reading well into the night.

        I’m a bit overwhelmed and touched by those who have been sharing their memories where ever they may fall on the emotional scale, I am closing the day with feelings of optimism, a place that it took me almost ten years to get to, and today help.

        So thank you Caballeroso and VSB, you made today a special memory ~JS

        Reply ↓

  40. I can’t remember any intricate details about 9/11. All I can remember is being a sophomore in high school and watching the Towers collapse on television with my class. Now which class, I cannot remember. If I had to guess I would say second period. Ten years definitely doesn’t seem like a long time though, even if my memory reminds me otherwise.

    I hate to say I enjoy reading peoples’ memories on this day but I love hearing the stories. I know many people were impacted and lost loved ones. Just because I was in class in Dallas, Texas w/ no family or anyone in NYC makes me feel a little more connected through their stories.

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  41. I remember waking up to get ready for another day in high school as the first tower got hit. My half-brother watched the television, hardly noticing as I drank orange juice straight from the carton. My mother told me to “be safe”, and then I left hearing on CNN that we were under attack.

    Along the way, I acted like Paul Revere, shouting “we’re under attack!”. Almost scared two old ladies speed-walking when I told them they’d attacked us. They told me to calm down and stop shouting all over the place.

    I arrived at school to see the janitors in their garage watching as the second tower was hit. And then they collapsed. And then I was late for Algebra class. I arrived right as the principal made an announcement over the speaker-system that there had been a terrorist attack in New York. We had a moment of silence, and then somehow tried to learn some logarithms.

    Halfway through the lesson I skipped out under the pretext of using the bathroom, but instead I hid in the Drama Club’s “yellow room” — where they would change costumes and stuff — to watch on their rabbit-ears as the replayed the collapse of the towers over, and over, and over, and over again. It was like a dream. Like a movie come to life.

    Me and about five others just sat there all day, watching the news, laying on couches drinking cans of Dr. Pepper and talking back and forth.

    At the bell I ran home to see if my grandma in the Bronx was still alive. I called my Aunt and Uncle and cousins in Queens. Everyone was fine. They watched the smoke rising over Ground Zero and told me about the debris slowly drifting through the air onto their cars.

    I remember 9/11 vividly, visibly even. But you know what I really think about? I thinktoday about all the Muslims and Muslim communities that were targeted in the backlash of 9/11. While the victims and heroes and bombers continued to receive remembrance, I cannot help but wonder about how Muslim-Americans must feel about today. Do they feel safer? Do they feel like today they are also Americans, sharing in this tragedy in which many Muslim-Americans were also killed? Or is America still, for them, divided between Muslims & non-Muslims? I just don’t know…

    I want to remember the tragedy, but every time my mind is pulled from that day to the next day, and the next, as our country slowly turned from rationality into economic double-dip recession, increasing racism, Islamophobia, two bad wars, and countless problems besides.

    I want to remember today, but there’s just so damn much pulling me back to reality.

    Reply ↓

    • I remember 9/11 vividly, visibly even. But you know what I really think about? I thinktoday about all the Muslims and Muslim communities that were targeted in the backlash of 9/11. While the victims and heroes and bombers continued to receive remembrance, I cannot help but wonder about how Muslim-Americans must feel about today. Do they feel safer? Do they feel like today they are also Americans, sharing in this tragedy in which many Muslim-Americans were also killed? Or is America still, for them, divided between Muslims & non-Muslims? I just don’t know…

      have you seen/heard this poem?

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNfec7Fa2Cc

      Reply ↓

      • that was 1 of THE ugliest parts of the 9/11 aftermath. i have a close friend/roommate who wore her hijab, & in addition to a cars driving by & throwing things at her while we were crossing the street, i remember multiple times of her being referred to as a terrorist or terrorist b**ch.

        then there was all the violence against the people who “looked like muslims” but weren’t, like the sikhs…smh…

        american ignorance

        Reply ↓

    • Good points here. All i remember from this day is walking on campus and one of my friends telling me that the towers had just been hit. But nothing else sticks with me. What I do remember and still see is the backlash that certain groups have received. I definitely became more aware of our political environment after that day. I don’t know if it was because I was at a point in my life where i was becoming an adult or if this event just changed my perspective on politics and the media.

      Reply ↓

    • I wasn’t Muslim during 9/11. I converted 6 years after, but even then, I remembered feeling a disconnect, like if America had become a battle field, White Americans vs. everyone else. I always felt tension, but it increased after 9/11. Anyone who “looked Muslim” or Middle Eastern (including many Latinos, because we look like Arabs) were all of a sudden looked with suspicion. I remember feeling sorry for Arabs and Muslims because from now on, they will be forever implicated for something most of them had nothing to do with. Today, I do not feel safe. Even though I am Muslim, you can’t tell, for I don’t wear a hijab, but my parents have asked me not to wear a hijab for fear of losing my job (I work for Jews) and for fear of being persecuted.

      Reply ↓

  42. I was in the 3rd grade at some rinky-dink school in central Louisiana when 9/11 happened. The alarm went off, and the principal made an annoucement saying that the school was on lockdown and ordering all of the students to sit alongside the walls of the classroom with our heads tucked between our knees (the tornado drill procedure). The teacher turned the television on, and we watched the news coverage on the attacks. I remember everyone in class crying and praying for America. I just wanted to know if my mama was fine or not. We sat on that floor all day, watching in disbelief and wondering if Louisiana was next. Since the school was on lockdown, the students couldn’t leave until the principal allowed it, and I think I finally left about 5-something that evening.

    Once I left with my alive-and-unharmed mama, 9/11 ceased to exist for me. Of course I continued to hear about it, and I felt bad for everyone directly and indirectly affected, but, truth is, since 9/11 didn’t directly affect me, it didn’t (and still doesn’t) AFFECT me. That’s how I feel about every tragedy: 9/11, earthquake in Haiti, tsunami in Japan, sniper in D.C., and so on. Hurricane Katrina was important to me only because I have a ton of family that lives about 2 hours north of New Orleans. I really hate to feel this way, and I would love to be more compassionate and empathetic, but I don’t know how. I feel like I am very desensitized to a lot of things, especially things that I feel like I SHOULDN’T be desensitized to. Watching 10-year old footage of 9/11 is just like watching some movie on HBO, except I KNOW that it’s real, so it’s almost like some sick, twisted entertainment that continues to haunt people even after I change the channel. To avoid that whole scenario, I just stay the hell away from it all….

    Reply ↓

  43. “People of VSB.com, what are your 9/11 stories? How did it make you feel, and how much of a disconnect is there between how it made you feel then and how it makes you feel today?”

    I was in a sociology class when I found out. My professor was only 30 and probably the most immature prof at the College of Charleston. He was a dude. He came in said the WTC was his and did not bother to expound. I filled up my car at the time (Francine)and I went back to my apartment and watched the carnage. Later that day I watched my neighbors who were Arab, walking their little girl home from school as she cried. Sadly, that was a omen of the following months.

    I copped “The Blueprint” and nodded on my way back to campus where a bunch of this history majors sat around and discussed the events with our professors. I remember my friend O saying “Francis, some sh*t is about to start.” That was the most poignant thing I heard that day.

    In the aftermath I compared 9/11 to the Mike Tyson/ Buster Douglas fight. We ran roughshod over everything until about 9 something that morning then we got caught with an overhand right, followed by a stiff jab on the chin. We forgot what it felt like to have blood in our mouths. Tyson once said something akin to “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” 9/11 exemplified this for us.

    Reply ↓

  45. I was listening to Howard Stern, I must have been up all night writing or something b/c I’m never up that early. I remember him mentioning the first plane had hit, can’t remember if I turned on the tv then or waited until he spoke of second plane (I was waiting for him to go back to the bit they were on w/ Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, ’twas funny). I just didn’t get the scope of what was going on until I saw the footage of the second plane. I must have watched more hours of news that day than I had across my entire life, just couldn’t stop watching. I was one of those blind Americans who thought things like that just didn’t happen here – something so big & devastating, so intentional… My NY folks were fine, no one I knew lived or worked in that area so I was personally effected. I remember feeling deep sadness, & the images of jumpers are still very vivid in my mind – I can’t help but imagine what its like to realize that’s your best option & taking that leap, it still horrifies me. I don’t feel disconnected from it, it all still makes me feel a little devastated so I avoided watching/reading anything about it (not that you can truly escape it, it’s everywhere right now). In fact, I’m gonna end this now ’cause I feel sad – thanks Champ! LOL

    Reply ↓

  46. I was in grad school and the campus bus had just pulled picked me up from the football stadium parking lot. The bus driver had The Russ Parr Morning Show on and Russ went into news mode and broke the story. I remember how quiet the bus got. It felt like I slept walked through my econometrics class.

    I listened to the raido as I drove to work. By the time I got to work, the second towe had fallen. There were too old ladies at the bank I worked at talking to each other. The one said “It’s a shame what happened; dem planes crashing into those building.” The other lady replied “Lawd yes! I read about it in the paper.”

    I vividly remember my oldest son yelling “what’s going on? Why are da planes crashing?” Since the news kept replaying the attack, he thought all planes were crashing into buildings. I remember hoping for the best but anticipating the worst as I tried to call my family in DC as my aunt works the in law enforcement and my grandma worked at Andrews. Everyone was o.k. but I now understand my elders when they tried to explain how it felt / how they felt when King and Kennedy died.

    Reply ↓

  47. 8.50am
    I remember waking up to the news on the radio that a plane had hit Tower one. I thought it was a small passenger plane, so didn’t think too much of it beyond hoping folks were ok.

    8.55am
    Roll outta bed, grabbed a bowl of cereal and plopped myself in front of TV for Good Morning America. I worked nights, so relished having the crib to myself in the morning when fam had left out for the day.

    9.05am
    Watching the surreal TV broadcast like it was a blockbuster movie. There was an air of confusion. News anchors still thought it might have been an accident and information was trickling in. I was watch live when the second plane hit…..WTF!!! ish just got real

    9.35am
    Still watching the surreal footage….feeling numb. My mind couldn’t process what I was seeing as real life….it just felt like a movie. I’d dealt with IRA bombings for years when I lived in London but that seemed like a polite affair compared to what I was seeing…planes flying into buildings. WTF is going on? a plane just hit the Pentagon (less than 60 miles away)…..ish got really real. Started calling friends to see if everybody knew what was going on. Still felt a lil surreal….like at any moment somebody was gonna yell…CUT!

    10.00am
    F@^K the World Trade Center just COLLAPSED……

    I think for a lot of New Yorkers that’s the moment everything changed….It felt like till then things could still be salvaged but to see the Tower crumble…..crushed a lot of peoples spirit. I’ll never forget the look on news anchor’s face when that happened…she lost it. I remember seeing footage of folks hauling ass…with the massive cloud of ominous black smoke slowly chasing them down the street.

    10.30am
    ……..The second tower just collapsed.

    I remember thinking about the firefighters and folks running into the spot to save folks.

    I remember thinking about folks who were trapped on floors above the crash…knowing they were gonna die because of not having a way to get to the lower floors.

    I remember thinking about folks on the planes knowing their lives was gonna change and it was out of their control.

    I remember thinking about the jumpers and thinking…would I have gone out like that?

    more importantly I remember thinking……

    we aint safe no more…

    Reply ↓

    • “I remember thinking about the firefighters and folks running into the spot to save folks.”

      This hurt my heart the most yesterday. After the first tower fell, the second stayed up for a while. The re-broadcast yesterday showed all the fire fighters being directed into the second tower to get people out.

      Reply ↓

  48. Champ, I can understand why you don’t have empathy for 9/11. There’s a huge disconnect that people don’t talk about.

    Here’s my problem. I was in Manhattan on 9/11. I was 17, first day of business college. They kicked us out the school after the second plane hit. The buses were filled up, people running through the streets, and the subways were closed up by the cops. What the hell are you supposed to do as a scared teenager when everyone is acting like the end of the world is upon us at that very moment. Luckily someone I knew from high school was at the same school as me and suggested we go to a friend’s house in Harlem. We walked from 40th to 123rd St, almost 4 miles (in business clothes mind you). I know so many people died by the towers, and we chose not to walk towards the BK Bridge because we thought monuments were being hit. But what no one ever discusses about 9/11 that makes me sick was the pandemonium.

    Champ I saw an old man drag a lady out of a bus and slam her to the ground so he could get in. I saw people getting hit by cars because there were too many people in the street. I saw fighting, I saw looting, I saw what it looks like when human beings lose their f-ing minds and have no clue what to do other than survive. I saw all of that on my 4 mile journey, then had to wait 12 hours for everything to calm down so I could manage to get back to Brooklyn. I couldn’t even explain to people what I was feeling or what I saw because it was surreal.

    There’s nothing to feel for 9/11 because America hasn’t changed. It’s still the greedy, egotistical, and ignorant country it was before that day. Only difference is we got punked by people who are smarter than us. By laws of nature, we should have stuck together, harmonized, united, and figured out the right way to go about things. Now look at us. So it might be f-d up to say….but 9/11 can kiss my a$$. If all those deaths don’t mean anything, if a hole in the ground can’t be filled because of money and politics, and if we can’t even see the difference between prejudice and plain ole scared hate, then all it means is that we never had the empathy in us in the first place.

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    • “Champ, I can understand why you don’t have empathy for 9/11. There’s a huge disconnect that people don’t talk about.”

      LOL, slow down. I didn’t say that. I’m just saying that I don’t feel as moved as I assumed I would. But, I’m not empathy-less at all.

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      • I’m not saying you dont have any empathy at all, but after 10 years straight of tragedy porn aka 24 hour news….just what should you, I, or anyone else feel?

        I stopped caring to be honest. Sad for the folks who died but last time I checked people die daily, henceforth my empathy can only go so far after hearing the same thing year after year

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    • “But what no one ever discusses about 9/11 that makes me sick was the pandemonium.”

      I’ve always wondered about this. While watching tv, it just seems as though people are onlookers or moving slowly away from the buildings after they’ve been covered in dust.

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      • The pandemonium I experienced that day is why subconsciously for the past 10 years I have no trust in people. When you look at people in their most primal form, our only goal is survival. Theres no empathy or caring at that point,and that’s what I experienced but luckily thousands of people had what it took to help those people losing their minds and get them where they needed to go

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        • “Theres no empathy or caring at that point”

          I completely get what you’re saying. I was a Senior in HS when this happened, and a girl I had known since JHS who lived only 4 blocks away from me was in my Earth Science class. Kids were being called on the loud speaker when their parents showed up to pick them up, and any students who were picked up would give a ride to anyone they knew was heading in their direction. You think this b*tch offered to give me a lift? When they called her name, she got up, looked at me, put her head down, and kept on moving. Let’s just say that, the many times when she would ask me for help with Statistics or Earth Science, she got a sh*tload of nothing from me. That’s one thing I still remember to this day. Call me spiteful, but I would have offered her a ride had the tables been turned. I had to walk home all by myself that day, and my HS was very far from my house. Public transportation was too packed for me to take the bus back home, and all my other friends had left me too. I’m sorry I got long-winded.

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  49. I was in a 9th grade computer class in SC. I was a bumpkin, I didn’t know what the WTC was and I had no connection with Nyc until I was in college four years later.

    You know the severity and true tragedy of this didn’t hit me until now today while watching the history channel with the replaying events of 9/11 and my God this was just unbelievable.people falling out of buildings or jumping. The sheer confusion, I mean Jesus!! Just heavy-hearted today.

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  50. People of VSB.com, what are your 9/11 stories? How did it make you feel, and how much of a disconnect is there between how it made you feel then and how it makes you feel today?

    I remember I was in my bedroom at my parent’s house and I turned on the TV after the first plane had hit. I can recall the watching as the second plane hit and the shock when the towers fell.

    I had mixed feelings about watching the “tributes” yesterday; specifically the one I did watch (all the way through) on Lifetime where they rebroadcast every moment all morning until the time the second tower fell. I feel like it’s somewhat gruesome to watch the actual moments of people’s deaths over and over again. I found it terrifying to think about the people that jumped. I actually allowed myself to feel a lot of sadness yesterday.

    Another thought I couldn’t shake yesterday was about the places in the world where is happens frequently. But there are peopel all over the world that experience this type of loss and terror on a regular basis. I couldn’t help but to feel grateful. I wonder how many people were watching our tribute and thinking we must not know what it’s like in the rest of the world. Too much thinking yesterday…

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    • “Another thought I couldn’t shake yesterday was about the places in the world where is happens frequently. But there are peopel all over the world that experience this type of loss and terror on a regular basis.”

      amen. We are so blessed to wake up in the morning and not experience this type of loss and terror on a regular basis. I think about our military sent to Iraq and Afghanistan who just have to deal with it. I think about the high suicide rates in the Army since troops were sent to Iraq and then to Afghanistan.

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  51. I was 17 when 9/11 happened. I had actually taken a day off of school that day to get my senior pictures taken at the Lifetouch studio. I remember being in the car with Mama Cheeks as we heard about the first plane hitting the first tower. Of course, like many others, we thought it was a terrible plane crash… an accident, that is.

    And as we inched towards the studio we realized how wrong we were. That’s when the second plane hit. To describe the look in my face would best be worded as: confusion. I listed the many different possibilities in my head until I heard the word that I’d hear multiple times in different ways for the rest of my life: terrorists.

    We went into the studio and EVERYone was talking about what possibly happened. I say “possibly” because no one was completely sure yet. Looking back, I had no idea how I even managed to smile (for my photos) amongst all that chaos, but I sure did. Maybe it was innocence…

    I went to class the next day hearing stories of the entire school halting. I didn’t really get to experience these feelings with my classmates… with an entire building of people, but I do remember sharing that feeling with them in the small car with my mama… many miles away.

    The very idea that the entire country… perhaps even the entire globe stopped DEAD in their tracks with a vast array of feelings is quite… surreal.

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    • Looking back, I had no idea how I even managed to smile (for my photos) amongst all that chaos, but I sure did. Maybe it was innocence…

      That day, me and my friends went to eat at Olive Garden to process what was happening. I think we tried to go about “business as usual” too. But, b/c my father served in the military and in the first war in Iraq, that situaiton (9/11) brought up feelings I hadn’t thought about since I was a kid (I was 21 at the time 9/11 happpened) and I started crying in the OG…we had to leave.

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  52. I was in my professor’s office, getting help for an upcoming exam. Breaking news was on. At first glance, it looked like a construction accident. I asked what happened. He told me two planes had crashed into the WTC. It didn’t click with me then. Planes had crashed into the building before. I assumed it was a freak Cessna or helicopter accident.

    Then, as I was leaving, I saw coverage from DC. A plane had crashed into the Pentagon. That was when sh*t got real. The Pentagon was in a no-fly zone. I got scared. The campus was somber. It didn’t seem real. When I got back to my dorm (after turning in a paper to a shaken professor, who cancelled class that day), the first building had already collapsed. I’d already gotten word about PA and was in a daze. I was at the front desk watching coverage just as the second tower crashed. It looked like a it was schedule for demolition. It was crazy.

    The two buildings that helped me identify the NYC skyline had were gone. People had been jumping out of windows. I can’t imagine being in that situation, choosing to fall to your death. I couldn’t cry. I was just too shook. I got in contact with my family the next night. Everyone was okay. My sister didn’t go to school. She told me she’d heard the “boom” from her room (we lived in SE off East Capitol, for those familiar with DC). She said it was so loud she woke out of her sleep.

    I’m not gonna speculate on what I now think of what really went down that day, but I will say that I wish I could forget what happened. I didn’t watch any of the specials yesterday. I didn’t want to. That event had me shook for a whole two weeks. I didn’t want to relive that. And most of all, I didn’t want to commemorate fear and hate. Ever.

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  53. Oh, and repeatedly showing that second plane crashing into the building…morbid. Like the families of those who were on that flight really want to keep seeing that. I wanted them to STOP. SHOWING. IT. I was 20 at the time. It was shaping up to be a bad year all around. Bush was in office. Aaliyah had died. Now this…

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  54. I was there in NY, walking to work at the WTC and still disconnect myself from it…it took me two years later to first cry, and after every anniversary I say a prayer for those colleagues of mine who were lost, and the other families but I try to not even think about the day.

    I’m visiting the memorial this week, hopefully I’ll be able to get everything out once and for all.

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  55. I was in DC when it happened. I went into work and the tv was on. The first plane had already hit the WTC. I stood there, purse in hand and watched the second plane. At that point we all knew it wasn’t an accident. I remember watching in disbelief people jumping. They looked like those dolls you practice cpr on. I remember when my boss said “the building is crumbling” a few minutes before the first tower fell. When it fell, I fell on the seat behind me. I was in shock.

    We watched the plane at the pentagon and the report of the one that crashed. And there were reports of a bomb at the state department. I guess that was a hoax.

    I had court that morning at 11. On the way, my mom got through and was telling me I was crazy. I told her I had a responsibility to the client. I saw fighter planes, flying low and in formation over my car and I thought the world was coming to an end. I passed the pentagon on the way to court and saw the smoking plane halfway in. Court was cancelled. I went home. I don’t remember anything else.

    In November, I went to a cle course in NY and went to ground zero. There was still a lot of dust in the air and a smell of death two months later.

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    • I remember the planes in NC (where I was at the time) scrambling at the Air Force base and all of the soldiers being on alert.

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  56. I remember sitting in my dorm room watching the news and starring at the TV. My room was dim and my door open. I remember the light coming from the hallway and people walking the halls and talking on their phones and my not being able to hear them. Silence all around, save for the TV, which wasn’t that loud…a mumble. I remember wanting to hear the end of it. Half my mind had somehow decided that this was just an isolated incident. The other half feared it wasn’t. Were they coming here? Is it over? What’s going to happen next? Should I hide or do something? Are classes cancelled?

    Yep, I asked myself about classes because I remember having exams. More importantly, I remember thinking that if classes aren’t canceled then it’s probably not as bad as it looks. It probably won’t get here. Then the Pentagon, then people jumping out of the towers…I couldn’t believe it…people jumping out the window. I don’t remember feeling anything. I’m not much a crier during a tragedy. It usually kicks in after everything is over…but I couldn’t tell if it was over or beginning or anything.

    I’ve felt sadness about it. I’m human. But until this weekend, I’d not declared it over. I suppose it’s been my way of staying alert and not breaking.

    Before coming here, I checked my yahoo mail then clicked on the link to the photo gallery of the 911 services and memorials held this past weekend. My eyes began to water by photo 5 of the gallery. I wasn’t prepared for it. I still can’t quantify the people who died that day, but something about watching the people remember their passed loved ones…

    I guess I can’t process death as easily as I can the suffering of the living.

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    • Wait, this isn’t true. The first time I got emotional about 911 was last week or so. I was watching Rescue Me (I think the finale) and they were trapped in the building. I started to get angry and teary eyed because it made me think of 911. I flipped the channel because it caught me off guard.

      I actually need to watch the rest of it. I just wasn’t ready for it at the moment.

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  57. I actually read a good piece in the Washington Post by someone who lost their mother in the attacks. She said she appreciates that people want to do things to remember those we lost, and to honor their families. However, she also said it feels like she’s being asked to attend her mother’s funeral every year, over and over again.

    I can totally understand that.

    It’s one thing to remember. Another thing to have those families turn on their TVs and see the horror all over again. EVERY. FREAKING. YEAR. It’s just heartbreaking. This is why I say I want to forget. I don’t want to remember how hate and fear encompassed us. I don’t want to remember the aftermath that followed (Fahrenheit 9/11 pretty much sums it up for me). It’s just eats me up. I think it’s because I know what it’s like to lose someone so suddenly, out of hate. And while their death wasn’t as publicized, I know I wouldn’t want to keep seeing crime-scene photos and what not every year.

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    • This is why I say I want to forget. I don’t want to remember how hate and fear encompassed us. I don’t want to remember the aftermath that followed (Fahrenheit 9/11 pretty much sums it up for me). It’s just eats me up. I think it’s because I know what it’s like to lose someone so suddenly, out of hate. And while their death wasn’t as publicized, I know I wouldn’t want to keep seeing crime-scene photos and what not every year

      i think this is why i’m ambivalent about the “never forget” slogan. i understand it’s supposed to honor those who lost their lives, but isn’t “never forgetting” exactly what Al-Qaeda wanted?

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      • but isn’t “never forgetting” exactly what Al-Qaeda wanted?

        No. It isn’t that simple. And, they are too fragmented in their thinking, too primitive to articulate and realize what the group ‘Al-Qaida’ really wants. Bin Laden didn’t want to rule, in fact, he only believed in Islamic law and we know from the areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan (and other parts of the world) that Islamic law is delivered by those that think they are doing what the Quran states, but they forget the parts of forgiveness and tolerance. That’s the part of religion that does not turn me on- ‘man’s’ interpretation.

        You have to know that bin Laden was a radical with no clear leadership ability except war. He was a young man, he went to Afghanistan and trained the Mujahideen with the financial support of the US government. The reason I brought up Ahmed Masoud and his assassination was the fact that Masoud warned the US about bin Laden and the groups he was training. Clinton knew when he left office that bin Laden was a threat and urged Bush to make getting him a priority.

        it is more complex than ‘never forgetting’ that day.

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  58. I understand Champ what you’re saying, but people who has no empathy for 9/11 can kiss my Black a$$.

    On that day, I had managed to sleep through it all and woke up at exactly 11 am. I had just graduated college that previous spring, and I was just trying to get my life together. My dad worked in the first tower hit, and my brother was scheduled for a job interview that day a few blocks from the Towers. To my surprise, my brother was sitting there in the living room with a wifebeater and boxers on. When I asked what was going on, my brother told me “The World Trade is no more! And the Pentagon is split in half.” I was in shock. I literally thought we would have to bring the Minutemen back for real. What really scared me was looking at those National Guard trucks filled with armed soldiers rolling down the street. The street at the end of my block is a common route for trucks to get to various warehouses, but seeing those soldiers armed and looking ready to kill was scary.

    Thankfully, my dad was 15 minutes late for work that day and hit my brother up on his cell phone when he found a payphone. While he survived, he lost all of his co-workers, and had such severe PTSD that he ended up institutionalized a few times and tried to kill himself. Eventually, he had to leave the NY area and move down to MD to start over, because the pain was literally killing him. The PTSD exacerbated a number of other health issues, and it’s only been in the past 3 years that he’s been back to his old self.

    The other thing was the complete isolation from the world that took place the rest of that week. Since all by NY’s CBS affiliate broadcast their signals from the WTC, local over-the-air TV was jacked up for months after the attacks. They literally broadcast the food trucks at the George Washington Bridge that Thursday night afterwards to convince people not to go looting for food. I know NYC is a city mostly on islands, but I didn’t really get it until 9/11. Being that cut off was scary.

    On top of that, in the midst of the chaos, somehow the number for my house was given out as the number of the NY Blood Bank in Brooklyn. In between worrying about what happened, my brother and I ended up taking turns talking to distraught NYers and telling them that, no, we aren’t the blood bank. Ironically, the multitudes of callers ended up informing us when and where to go as we were able to peace all of that information together.

    When they finally got Bin Laden, ironically enough, it was my dad’s birthday. Even more ironic was the name of the operation: Neptune Spear. Why? Well, my dad’s parents are from Barbados, and if you look at the national flag, you will see…neptune’s spear. On top of that, if the military reports of timing were right, I had just paid for my dad’s birthday lunch when they launched the mission to get the pr!ck that tried to kill my pops. On a certain level, my hatred for Bin Laden is on some street sh!t. Granted, the US government has done some foolishness over the years. However, my dad and the vast majority of people killed on 9/11 had nothing to do with US Foreign Policy. They were ordinary people going on with their lives. Heck, I bet most of them didn’t think twice about al-Qeada before that day (though like Nillalatte, I knew once that dude from the Northern Alliance got assassinated, *something* was going down). Hell, when I heard Bin Laden died, I pulled over in my car and cried for 5 minutes…and I didn’t cry for the birth of my own child. It just felt so cathartic.

    And for those who can’t relate to what happened, imagine someone just running in your hoods, bombing it, killing hundreds as well as themselves without knowing who the heck is behind it. That is an incredibly scary feeling.

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    • I understand Champ what you’re saying, but people who has no empathy for 9/11 can kiss my Black a$$.

      i don’t think you’ll find too many people who don’t have any empathy. it’s just that the levels of emotion aren’t the same as they are with someone who’s had an experience like yours.

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      • Here’s the thing though. It’s one thing to have no ties to NYC or DC and feel less intense feelings about 9/11. After all, keeping it real, it would be much less visceral if I didn’t live in NYC. I don’t think those people don’t care, but it’s on a different level. There’s a difference between a military attack on your country and someone killing or trying to kill your loved one. The former is just going to be less visceral, no matter what.

        My beef is with peeps like Dee upthread. I’ve read and heard from people with that mindset, and the selfishness in that remark is galling. So lemme get this right now…because you have a beef with XYZ, thousands of people should die? The arrogance and selfishness in that remark is mindblowing. Dare I say, but for a few different choices in life, I could see these people doing some foul ass mess when it comes to it. That’s why I was feeling a certain way. A few drinks and the right person gassing you up, you might murk me with your mindset.

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    • Wow. The stories of folks being late to work that day never fails to give me goosebumps. Glad your dad was spared that day, but also sorry that he had to live with the pain left. I’m hoping you and your family reach some sort of peace with this… if at all possible.

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      • Thankfully, my dad has reached some peace with it all and re-established his life, but it’s taken a lot of time and effort to get there. I remember the year immediately after the attacks, my dad was surprised I was wearing shorts…and it was in the upper 80s outside. It was painful to watch because there was nothing that I (or anyone else, for that matter) could do but wait for him to heal. You hear stories all of the time about families of veterans who never came back right from the war. My dad was much the same way…except he never expected to be in war in the first place.

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  59. while i hate being one of those people who links back to a blog post…
    im gonna do it because i just wrote about this the other night.

    http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com/2011/09/11/911remembered/

    what i will say, is that i feel for everyone – in NY, in DC but the ‘somewhat forgotten’ in PA and NJ.

    i just read an article about how over 3,000 people from 90 different countries lost their lives that day.

    so indeed, the entire world did change.

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  60. I read about flashbulb memory while trying figure out how it is that seemingly all people know where they were and what they were doing when tragedies occur. It is a very interesting concept and makes it all make sense.

    I heard about the 9/11 attacks while driving back to campus after hanging out with friends at NC A&T the night before. I remember flipping through the radio stations looking for music and being annoyed because every station was playing news. I finally stopped channel surfing figuring the music would start up soon but it didn’t. After hearing that Tower One had been hit I called my roommate and woke her up to tell her to watch the news. My PR class was visiting a local firm that day and when we got there, our tour was changed to a lecture on crisis management and news media. I remember a lot of talk about how crisis situations should be contained to present a controlled and deliberate media message. There were tons of televisions tuned to different news broadcasts and after a while the speaker’s voice went all Charlie Brown’s teacher because all I could think of was how people were being hurt and dying while the whole world watched and that heifer had the nerve to be stressing the importance of controlled media messages.

    For the rest of the day on campus it was super-quiet and like Champ said it seemed like we were all extras in the same movie. After 9/11 I watched and read every and anything related to the victims, survivors, and victims’ families. I was particularly intrigued by all of those who were running late and escaped the tragedy as a result of being late. I also read a lot about the babies who lost their fathers in the attacks.

    Before 9/11 I wanted to move to New York and become a big advertising executive. After 9/11 I was afraid to fly and decided that NC would be home for me. I even tried to pull an Aretha Franklin and only travel by bus which lasted only a little over a year. After hearing an interesting perspective from a survivor and 9/11 widow on NPR this weekend I purposely didn’t watch any of the tributes. Both women said that the tributes were too much and that they preferred to reflect personally and privately on the anniversary of 9/11 and that they feel a huge sigh of relief on 9/12.

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    • I was particularly intrigued by all of those who were running late and escaped the tragedy as a result of being late. I also read a lot about the babies who lost their fathers in the attacks.

      That would be my father and, ironically enough, the guy that replaced him after my dad was switched from nights. My dad can’t tell his story without falling out and crying.

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      • When I watched yesterday, they had video of the tower and there was a man talking in the background saying that he was 15 minutes late to work because he had been watching Monday night football. At the moment ofthe taping, the man laughed about it. I’m sure he had no idea the gravity of what would happen at the time- it was after the first plane hit and he went on to say that his whole company worked in the section that appeared to be hit.

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        • The interesting thing is that I’ll remember the score of that game until the day I die: Denver 38 NY Giants 20. I know because somehow in the midst of the attacks, I had a friend from high school ask me what the score of the game was as a way to avoid talking about The End Of The World. It’s just an odd situation.

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  61. My ESL class was about to begin when my H.S. teacher informed us that The Twin Towers were hit by a plane. She was visibly shaken. I didn’t quite grasp the scope of the situation then. I didn’t know what she meant by The Twin Towers. I thought a major accident occured, and it was sad that so many people lost their lives. I saw some students crying when I was exiting campus. They had family members in/near there that they couldn’t contact. As soon as I got home, I turn on my TV. That’s when I saw the World Trade Center building, that I visited several months ago with my family, collapsing. Shock. I didn’t even try to put myself in the shoes of a person near the terror attack zone. I was an observer throughout. Sadness. I was hook on the television because I had to find out as much information as I could. This was big. This was an act of terror and war against the U.S.A. I, somehow, could already sense how big the retaliation was going to get. Today, I’m not as shock and sad. It feels like it happen 10 years ago. The mourning period goes by faster for me because didn’t have a love one injured, missing, or killed because of the attacks on these buildings. It is a very different feeling and experience when you do. While there is a psychological disconnect, I do wish the families directly affected by 9/11 continued strenght and peace.

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  62. Champ, I actually feel the opposite.

    I was 17 and a senior in high school. I was in my bed when my mother, who had been getting ready for work came in my room shouting, “Turn on the t.v.! Turn on the t.v.!” It was 6 o’clock (3 hour time difference in California) and not time for me to get up, so I didn’t bother. She turned on my tv anyway, and I remember yelling at her to turn it down. When it was time for me to get up, I went on about my business going to school. All of my teachers spoke about the incident. One of the Middle Eastern students came to school that day in traditional Muslim garb and was smiling most of the day.

    I remember my home visits from college coaches being pushed back (and eventually cancelled) for days because they couldn’t fly.

    Yesterday, I watched footage on MSNBC and the history channel. My heart was really heavy. I thought about the children that lost parents. I thought about the people who made the decision to jump to their deaths rather than be burned alive. I thought about the people in those bulidings who knew they were going to die and there was nothing they could do about it. I thought about the people who went back into the second tower after security told them their building was secure, there was no need to leave.

    As an adult, and not a selfish teen, was I finally able to process all of it. I cried a lot while watching the footage last night and went to been feeling really weak.

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    • As an adult, and not a selfish teen, was I finally able to process all of it. I cried a lot while watching the footage last night and went to been feeling really weak.

      that’s an interesting perspective. would you call this grief deferred?

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  63. yes, I feel the exact same way! I was trying to put it into words.. but couldnt.
    thanks for that.
    Think about the fact that it was 10 years ago, no facbook, no twitter, no camera phone pics or videos. no youtube….

    I remember I was at work when the lines went dead. we had no idea what happened, my mgr at the time told us to go to the break room and I remember being squeezed in to the room, trying to move toward the front just in time to see the footage of the second tower falling. Whats weird is that before then I dont think I ever really knew what the trade center was.. I remember this numbness as i watched in utter disbelief.
    I couldnt imagine the hatred one had to feel to do something like that And that scared me most of all. I remember the minuscule amount of time when we joined together as Americans before it became just another excuse to profile and dehumanize.
    I remember the look on George W. face and the pain in his voice. Probably the only moment during his presidency that I connected with him as MY president.

    now, as you said, I can remember those feelings, but I know longer feel them. I watch the footage with the same disbelief, and those emotions tickle the back of my mind like trying to remember the name of a chick you went to highschool with when you run into her at walmart.

    I wonder if its because as a country we have gone through so much because of it. Its like that was the beginning of the end.. so when I watch it now, I know what happens next, ..and I am sad but not in the same way.

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  64. i was 15 when 9/11 happened. I was in high school in Queens and i remember sitting in an assembly discussing how cell phones were not allowed in school. the principle then came over the loud speaker and explained that a plane just hit the north tower and if any students had family members that worked downtown, they needed to go to the library to try to contact them. i was so worried because though my parents didn’t work downtown, they worked in the city and i knew they would shut down the bridges and tunnels. it was absolute pandemonium. people were running to the roof to see the towers. i remember my guidance counselor running down the hallways screaming “noooo” because her new husband worked in one of the towers. there was no way to get home b/v the subway was shut down and all the buses were being used to transport police officers to the city. finally my parents showed up as they were the last car let out of the city before the bridges were shut down. what’s even crazier is that my dad actually saw the second plane hit the tower.

    we could smell the smoke all the way in Queens, it was insane. definitely an experience i will never forget and will never want to experience again.

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  65. I felt about it two different ways, mainly because when it happened, I lived in Florida but had family in NYC, and 10 years later, I’m now a New Yorker.

    I was a senior in HS and we were having an assembly and it came over briefly that the WTC has been hit- we had a few moments of prayer. After the assembly, we went back to our respective classrooms and sat watching the tv, dumbfounded. I was shocked at what I was witnessing, but I couldn’t believe it- until I realized that my aunt and godfather worked in downtown Manhattan. My godfather was a waiter in a restaurant in the first tower.

    The feelings of disbelief turned into panic, and we tried for hours and hours to contact family members. I’d learned much, much later that evening- after staying up way too late letting the images repeat in my mind- that my aunt was safe. She had walked back, along with thousands of others, across the Brooklyn bridge, and walked all the way home which was miles from the foot of the bridge. We didn’t hear from my godfather until the next day. He told us that he was in the first building, and that he’d run out when he’d heard the news. He walked all the way home, covered from head to toe in ash. He was okay, but shaken. The next year, he moved to Miami- he just had to get away from the memory of it all.

    On the 10 year anniversary, I tried not to watch the news or read any stories, but when I turned my tv on, the vision of this 10 white year old boy and a black woman reading names caught my attention. The boy had lost his father, and the woman, her brother. I started crying. I went to church later that morning and the homily was touching- I had tissues out, and so did the majority of the congregation. I realized how different it was in NYC, the memory of 9/11. My parents had told me the day before the anniversary that 10 years was enough, that harping on it was not going to do any good but keep sadness in people’s hearts; it wasn’t going to bring back any that we lost. I had agreed with them that day before. But as I watched on tv at the New Yorkers, and realized just how close someone close to me came to not making it out alive, and going to church, and seeing the New Yorkers cry at the words of the priest, I realized then, as a New Yorker, that we can never fully forget and move on. If I’d still lived in Florida, maybe I would have had a different viewpoint, one like that of my parents. But living in the city now and remembering, even though I wasn’t here 10 years ago, makes it feel as real and heartbreaking as that day in 2001.

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  66. I wrote about this on Saturday, and I cannot believe it has been 10 years either.

    I had just started high school in 2001, and was sitting in my 2nd hour Spanish class when our substitute told us about the attack. My class then went across the hall to the American History class and watched the second plane hit and that same tower fall. I went to a Catholic school, so our school prayed for the victims as well as the attackers when my principal confirmed the attack on the PA system. Watching the attack was very unreal. EVERYONE says that, but I think we do because it’s true. We all felt like we were watching a very bad movie. In fact, my mother said that she flipped past it at first because she thought that’s exactly what it was (a movie) and since she was flying in a couple weeks, didn’t want to see a movie about a plane crash.

    I remember being terrified. I honestly believed that the world was coming to an end. Not fully understanding the significance of WTC outside of them being the “twin towers”, I KNEW what an attack on the Pentagon meant, and knew that America was going to war.

    Unlike other schools (including the Muslim school around the corner) we weren’t released early. So I met my brother, who was a senior, at his locker so we could go home. Despite the attack, he was super geeked because he bought The Blueprint earlier that day, and we listened to it as we drove home. Our school was by one of the biggest malls in Kansas City, and I was shocked as we rode past it. Bannister Mall was a ghost town! No cars, no people, no buses, no movement…nothing. This only added to my fear and anticipation. We were in the midwest! How can something that happened hundreds of miles away have such an effect on my city?!

    For days, weeks, months, and even years after 9/11, I remained glued to the television, to books, to movies dealing with the attacks. Seriously, it’s almost an obsession. Yesterday, I watched 9/11 programming all day. I guess I’m still trying to understand why, and perhaps it is my attempt at mustering up empathy for those who were directly involved. Sympathy, I have. Sympathy is easy. Honestly though I don’t think anyone who wasn’t involved can try to understand what the victims, their families, the citizens of NYC/DC felt. All we can do is remain respectful, and continue supporting them. 9/11 is still a very open wound, even 10 years later, and I’m not sure it’ll ever really heal.

    Sorry for rambling.

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  67. Good Morning All

    I had packed up my every belonging in Maryland and was headed back home the day of the bombings, when I received a call from my friend telling me what happened. I thought it was a joke, a cruel joke but I was ready to get home until I turned on the television. Randallstown was a ghost town that day. Its a vivid memory..I have been in Maryland ever since.:(

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  68. I remember
    what I heard and what I saw.
    Being dead asleep and hearing a woman’s voice hollering “turnonthetv!turnonthetv!”
    I woke up.

    I was home alone.

    I turned on the tv.

    A mother wearing her baby in front of her in a baby Bjorn
    She is being interviewed by a reporter
    with the WTC on fire behind her…..
    then the tower collapsed on itself (like an imploding building!!) quickly but in slow motion mother and reporter ran in terror, then the t.v. screen filled with ash.

    Anguished people on tv holding up pictures of their family
    begging begging reporters and viewers if we knew where they were

    Days later…

    I was drunk and traumatized….the bodies falling…the building collapsing as if it was imploded, not from planes crashing into it…people on the news hearing the bodies hit the ground.

    A conversation with my goddaughter’s mother–finding out she missed an appointment at the WTC because she overslept.

    Seeing over and over again the people hanging out windows waving for help. Bodies falling out of buildings. Dead bodies on the ground.The buildings collapsing.
    The paper everywhere.

    Where the f&ck was the president and vice-president?

    A depressed college friend in Brooklyn talking about the helicopters overhead.

    Being pissed off that the words used were “war on terror” instead of “war against terrorism”…was Bush blatantly telling us something?

    If we were now under attack, then who really arre the lucky ones?

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  69. I was 12 so i was more confused than anything…i remember parents coming snatchin their kids outta school n i contemplated how much my parents loved me since i was still there lookin out the window at the John Hancock building wondering if we were next. I remember my sister picked me up a copy of Ghetto Fabolous (i wanted blueprint 1 but for some reason fab came off as more appropiate for a 12 year old) n i aint even listen to it cuz i was jus watching tv fascinated. 10 years later, i’m numb to it. I think it was the wars, patriot act, the bandwagoner patriotism that has made me not care as much.

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  70. I was at the office working as usual…just another workday. Some coworker walked into my office and said “Hey, a plane just crashed into the WTC.” I figured some inexperienced pilot had gotten off course, couldn’t navigate a congested city area, and crashed his 4-seater Cessna into the building…probably a lot similar to what had happened with the Empire State Building in 1945…it sucks for him and his family, but no biggie I surmised.

    Curiosity got the best of me. I went to the break room and saw coworkers gathered around the tele watching the coverage. I realized that this was I little bit bigger than a Cessna. Shortly after I walked in, a plane hit the second building. This can’t be a coincidence I thought, but what does it mean? Now, they’d gotten my attention. I thought, “what next?” as I somewhat nonchalantly walked back to my desk.

    I tried to re-focus on work. It wasn’t happening. I went back to the break room. I looked at the screen and at the fire at the upper levels of the building and thought, “that’s a lot of fire; that building’s going to collapse”. No sooner than that thought occurred to me, I witnessed it come to fruition. Holy shit! Were the people evacuated? Is this really real? Of course this is real, if it weren’t, in this day and age, they’d have to issue a disclaimer…unlike with the War of the Worlds radio broadcast in 1938.

    Local news coverage broke indicating how parents were leaving work and getting their kids out of school. I thought, “This is Houston, why are people here freaking out?…do they know something I don’t?” Co-workers began to disappear. My logical cynicism kicked in as I considered how people will do anything for a day off…we worked in a 4 story building in Houston Texas, why the hell would we need to evacuate? There aren’t enough planes to hit every multi-story building in America. My productivity for that day was shot.

    I wondered how could something there have such an impact on people here? Did all these people know someone in New York? Yes, this is horrible, but how does it impact my life? I became introspective and curious about my level of emotional detachment. Had I watched too much news and become desensitized to human suffering since it didn’t directly impact me? Will I now be called back into the military because some country had the intestinal fortitude to attack us, the US of A? Whose ass are we about to kick? I then settled back into the role of a spectator like so many more of us did.

    Ten years later, while still generally detached emotionally, I consider how as a part time fire fighter now, the same fate as that of the 343 firefighters who went into the unknown to assist and never returned could also befall me should something similar happen. I consider how many times I, along with my brethren firefighters, have gone into the unknown to help without fully understanding the gravity of the situation. We do so without much of a second thought. Which now allows me, as I sit here to type this, to recognize that the naivety of “bad sh*t” only happens there and to them (wherever there is, and who ever they are) is something that perhaps I should reconsider.

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  71. I remember sleeping on my frats couch in college in upstate NY (Poughkeepsie . . .not that far). . . then everyone started pouring in to watch because most of the minorities were from NYC and had some connection to at least the area. Everyone was PISSED because they didn’t cancel class and folks had to skip to contact their loved ones.

    Joined the Air Force in 2004 and remember the vidoes shown at church over some country music with the towers burning and flashing pictures of the towers . . .uncle sam pointing . . . saddam hussein . . . and air force planes blowing things up and thinkning . . . thats an odd thing to show in Church and why is Saddam Hussein so wrapped up in what happened on 9/11 . . . What a brainwash.

    Today contemplated telework because why would they (whoever) try to attack on a Sunday . . . It would seem if terror is the goal they’d wait until Monday to strike . . . BUT just said a little prayer got on the metro and headed in.

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  72. I was stationed on a ship sitting in the middle of the Mediterranean, on our way to Naples when it all went down. We had satellite television feed of the cable news organizations and could watch some network daytime shows, so we saw it go down on Good Morning America and CNN. I remember feeling helpless, and concerned that someone on the ship may have a loved one in one of the areas. I also remember hoping that no one I knew was assigned to the Pentagon. We were without email and other means of communications until our Commanding Officer was able to allow us to try and contact family and friends back home.

    We were due to be heading home in a month, and up until we actually headed home, we were unsure whether we would be involved in the initial response. Our lives changed so much that day, and joining the military to just get a job and education seemed to take on a different risk, and folks thought a lot more about the obligation before jumping in on it.

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  73. One of my most vivid high school memories. I was a senior. We were in Stats. It was announced over the PA. We watched the footage on a TV in the classroom, It did not seem real to us. We kept talking about how it looked like footage from one of those crazy dystopian action films. We did no schoolwork for the rest of the day,until I got to debate, at which point we began revising our debate cases because the resolution was related to WMDs. We drifted into talking about how the world would be different from that point on.

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  74. That day will forever be etched in my mind. I was home from college for my great aunt’s wake and funeral. I remember that night of the 10th feeling very uneasy, but I thought it was from my emotions of going to a funeral the next day. Then I had a crazy dream that a plane had crashed into a major metropolitan area. My mom woke me up when the first plane crashed, and I saw the second plane hit. My heart sunk to my feet. I could not remove myself from the TV switching between NBC, CBS, and CNN. I called my homeboy to see if his family in DC was ok. My uncle was trying to call some of his friends who worked in the Pentagon, but all of the circuits were busy. And the most nerve wracking thing was that my great aunt’s son was on a plane coming from the NYC area and we thought we could have been on one of those planes because we did not hear from him until later on that night before the wake. What an emotional day.

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  75. I was a Junior @ Spelman College. I had class from 8am to like 6pm on that day. So the planes hit WTC while I was in my first class and in between my second. And then I went to my second class and the professor, Jelani Cobb, was from New York and started breaking down the history of Palestine, etc. I remember thinking well this is sad but it doesn’t really affect me and I didn’t fully understand the magnitude. And then they hit the Pentagon. And I lost my mind because my daddy worked there. And I couldn’t get reach my mother. He was fine in the he was still alive sense. But he’s a doctor in the clinic so he had to pull/rescue/take care of people pulled from the wreckage. It took a few days. He got very little sleep. Had nightmares. I didn’t go to church yesterday but apparently my mom gave a praise report that she could have been made a widow ten years ago. And even that statement had me kind of shook because even though the event rocked our household it’s not something we sit around and talk about.

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  76. I moved from NY to VA 3 days before 9/11/01. I was 20. I remember trying to call my mother and not being able to get through. I didnt know what was going on just thought the phones were phucked up or something. Turned on the TV and could not believe my eyes. Later on I found out that my father, a NYC Yellow Taxi driver, was one of the people that seeing the debris falling got out of their cars and ran not knowing what was going on. My mother who also worked in the city walked home with many others.

    I didnt lose anyone during the attact but I felt like I lost the sense of security many had just by living in America. It has calmed down a bit after these ten years but I remember it seemed like every second we were on high alert.

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  77. 9-11 was a tragic event, and I clearly remember it being full of shock, terror, sorrow, anger. I do think it is time we move on. Every year, we pay tribute to it’s memorial, seemingly to evoke the initial feelings we had on that day. Why do we want to relive these feelings when feeling this way is EXACTLY what our attackers wanted? We’ve gone through the steps of the grieving process, and what you have explained is the feeling of acceptance – the healthy point reached in any trajedy.

    On a side note, I also thought the images were incapable of stirring emotion, until I heard a mother say on a documentary this weekend, “Everytime I watch the footage of the plane entering the building, I am watching my son die.”

    I cried.

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  78. 11 Sept 2001, I had been stationed at Shaw AFB, SC for one month. I worked the night before. Got off that morning, went to my doom room, threw my uniform on a chair, shined my boots, ate breakfast and laid down to rest before my next shift. A few hours later I received a phone call from a friend in downtown DC. She screamed for me to wake up and turn on the tv. While talking to her a call from my job came in. “Airman soandso, you’re being recalled. Work down the chain and come in”. I looked at my recall roster to see who I had to notify. I knocked on his door…”hey man we are being recalled.” We went to work in our pj’s. I was informed that I was next in line for a deployment. I had to sign paperwork and get my go bag ready. That day was like a dream to me. This is what I signed up for. This is what we constantly train for. This is why we have exercises and play war games. Now we get to do this for real!! Six months later I was deployed to the Middle East. For months I braved temperatures of 120+ and worked 14hr+ days with no days off in support of Operation Enduring Freedom/Iraqi Freedom. I wish I could go more into detail about what I seen and did while deployed but it is of sensitive nature. A friend lost his legs in Afghanistan due to an IED. I remember returning from my deployment and speaking with my cousin (who was deployed to Iraq) and hearing mortars in the background. The memories and feelings of that day and the time that followed I will never forget.

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  79. I can relate. I was 20 y/o in college and my roommate called me on my way to work at Circuit City and I was like yeah right, sleep off your hangover. Then I got to work and the store was empty with all the employees watching TV all day. It was surreal at the time because we were in Indiana. I remember some people were more concerned with picking up ‘The Blueprint’ that day. But I definitely remember the details of that day. We were in Indiana worrying about gas prices and sh*t.

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  80. I feel empathy, but I can’t recreate the same emotions I felt back then. It’s not because back then I wasn’t Muslim and now I am. It’s not because of the numerous conspiracy theories you hear. I guess it’s because I don’t believe in living in fear, and constantly remembering and replicating those feelings will just make you all fearful. and isn’t that exactly what the perpetrators want? I live in NYC. I was there when this happened. To continue to be fearful that this will happen again is not living. I

    I remember where I was, what I was hearing, how I had to get home, the friends that abandoned me and left me to go home by myself, the concern I felt because my best friend’s HS was right across the street from the towers. Yet, I wasn’t surprised. I’m from NYC and I guess I was always conditioned to expect something like this to happen, especially considering things that are beyond our control.

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  81. I was in Arizona doing my training for the army when we heard the news. We all had to pull guard duty for a few weeks and no one complained and well pulled together. My folks live in the DMV and I remember calling home on the pay phone(no cell phones were allowed then) and trying to get thru to make sure that everyone was ok. I think at the moment, it got real for everyone that we were going to war with some country and the only thing I could think of at the time was d*mn, I’m about to fight for my country literally. I never got deployed, but a number of my friends did. I think that the reason why this seems so vivid for many of and why it doesn’t seem like it was a long time ago, is because we keep talking about it like it just happened. Almost like with a dead relative, we keep the memory alive of what happened and process it in a way where it doesn’t seem like it will ever go away. It also showed that America is not as invincible and can be brought down to it’s knees by not another superpower, but by 14(i think that was the number) terrorist and a criminal mastermind living in a mansion in Pakistan. I was scared as sh*t that day because at that moment, it got real for everyone.

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  82. the thing for me is that I think when it happened 10 years ago (I was 20) I was just in shock and disbelief I didn’t know anyone that was directly affected by 9/11 so i wasn’t as distraught as I could have been. For some reason I feel sadder and more idk ……depressed than I did before. I think its because when I watch the tributes and memorials I feel that our or innocence, prosperity and our feelings of right and wrong, were completely and forever changed and I am sad about what we lost as a nation and how we will always be different now; its like I am sad for the “good old days” (whatever that means) does that make sense? Its really hard for me to put into words.

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  83. That morning I had just got out of the shower and I came into my room, turned on the tv and went to start ironing my clothes for the day. Like I normally did everyday. I remember my then-bf stopped by (we’re all family here so if he stayed over, I just would have said he did) b/c he was gonna take me to work. We’re laughing and joking like we always did.

    For some strange reason, my tv was on the news. I knew the night before I hadn’t changed it from ABC cuz I was watching 20/20 or something of that nature. Usually GMA is on during the time I used to get up and get ready. But that day, it was some coverage of a building on fire. I was like, “what is this?…where is this?” And I was half watching it and still talking to my bf when I say something come from the right corner of the screen and realized it was a plane. I said “damn….that plane is flying kinda low” and as soon as I said low, it hit the other tower. I remember saying “what the hell is going on?…that cannot be right…did the plane malfuction?”

    And the rest is history. I remember when I learned what was going on being VERY ANGRY. My father was in the military and he went to the first war in Iraq…and he was never really the same. PTSD is real. And I felt for all those who would be feeling that patriotic urge to sign up to fight. Not because I didn’t think it was the right thing for some to do, but because I knew what it meant. Some people don’t come back from war…some people come back and are forever altered, both physically and mentally. Families splinter off…waiting for what seems like forever for their loved ones to come home. In the days when my father was overseas, we had to watch the public access channel to find out if his platoon was coming home. Everyday I didn’t see his company come across my screen, I cried myself to sleep. War is not a game.

    So, those are my memories of that day and the thoughts I had. And I’m still pissed we’re over there…

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  84. I was in DC and had just been at my agency for a year. I remember we were sitting in a staff meeting when the announcement came over the loudspeaker. Most of my co-workers were married with families…children. So in less than a second, they were up and on their cell phones trying frantically to reach their children’s schools.
    We hadn’t “officially” been released yet so one guy stood up, tried to calm everyone down and resume the meeting but he was ignored and quickly pulled aside before he got trampled.
    Outside, people were trying to use cells that didn’t work. Some were running, some walking quickly but all I remember was just the confusion. Of not knowing where to go, what to do, who to call. My main focus that day was just to get back to my car and get home as fast as I could. We’d heard about the towers, and then the Pentagon, so we had no idea if it was over. Would there be other targets? Was something nuclear going to happen?
    I know this sounds silly, but the whole drive home I just kept thinking if this it, if I have to die today, I just want to be near something familiar, that’s mine and that’s safe…

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    • I felt the same way. Is this it? I was looking for any measure. Plus I was in a whole nother state. I definitely don’t think it is silly to want to die in a place that you find familiar and safe. I guess it gives you some limited level of controlling the outcome.

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  85. Every now and then, in our lifetime or in the last, an event will occur that makes us question EVERYTHING. Your day -to-day securities are threatened because someone you live close to was robbed. You begin to appreciate the reliability of your vehicle when it breaks down and you have to bum a ride for several days. And when American quality of life is threatened, you NEVER forget it.

    I smiled when I read your vivid recollection of your early 20s. I thought I was the only one who could remember that my house smelled like berry potpourri oil, Victoria’s Secret Tranquil Breezes, hot wings, and BB Pump it Up Hair Spritz. I also remember what it felt like for my boyfriend to come to my house, look me in my eyes and tell me he was breaking up with me for another girl.

    When I read the word ‘disconnect’, the feelings I experienced caused me to read that statement over and over again. Disconnect. We do it all the time. It’s how we survive break-ups, deaths, and every other awful event that has transpired in our lives. Much like you, I was unable to proficiently empathize with those either directly or indirectly affected by the tragic events that occurred on 9/11/2001 even though I had just returned from a 4-day trip to Cancun, Mexico and had stepped off a plane just three short days before. My really good friend Kelly was on a returning flight from France and was literally pushed off the plane and out of Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport with such a force it caused her to call me screaming and crying in the phone about how there was total chaos at the airport and she felt as if she was dreaming.
    Her nightmare is one we all relived over and over. In order to maintain my sanity and move forward, I have had to put that dreadful day behind me.

    I had been successful until 09/11/2010 when I lost my maternal grandmother, the matriarch of our family. Our cornerstone. Our rock. Now, instead of recalling the horrible memories from September 11, 2001, I am forced to add another tragic day to my memory bank, and I now remember the event of 9/11 as the day when our family security was ruined and much like our fellow Americans, we’re still trying to piece ourselves back together.

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    • It’s interesting that you mentioned that day because on 9/11/2009, my daughter was born. I remember when my wife and I were in the doctor’s office after the initial appointment and told us the due that it was a possibility. Then I remember that morning dropping my wife off at the hospital while going to do some paperwork for a job I was starting at the time. I remember that day and the cream colored hoodie I wore, and I remember my newborn daughter sighing the second she was in my arms.

      It was so good to know that something positive could come out of such a horrible day. Hopefully, the children born on that day will represent something positive for this world.

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      • Read and re-read your intial post and your dad’s story. REMARKABLE. The mere fact that your dad was able to move forward and rebuild is NOTHING short of a miracle. Those that do not understand the grief that is associated with that day and its continuing stories are those that I find myself totally baffled with. is it that the individual is without feelings? OR is that person so good at disconnecting that they have become unattached and TOTALLY socially unaware. Either way, I would prefer to celebrate the stories that are of triumph and merriment, like those of your father. Congratulations on your daughter and blessings to you and your family.

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  86. I was at home with my mom and i was 25…i had just celebrated my BDay on the 9th…and I woke up and was getting ready for my day and walked in my mom’s room, said good morning and saw the 2nd plane crash into the building. My exact words were: “Are you watching Die Hard?”

    She told me what happened and I couldn’t believe it. I got ready and watched the news some more. I remember going to school and it was all over the news, my night classes were cancelled (even though I still went to school). I remember going to the gas station right away because the first thing I thought about after the intial shock of it all was gas prices going through the roof. And I was glad that I did because it jumped $4 overnight. I also remember it being on tv 25/8…even if you wanted to escape it in order to comprehend what was going on it did let you do it…I think I was desensitized to it during that 1st month because I am a news junkie and watched it everytime it came on.

    Now when I watch it i look for things I’ve heard that I missed the first milion times I saw it (like the face of the devil in the explosion just heard about that one yesterday)…I don’t want to be reminded of it they way they did it yesterday because IMO that’s something you’ll NEVER forget and to make the families of those who lived through it and the familes of those who died in it shouldn’t be made to see that. I see the networks making money off of that left and right…damn shame.

    But I do feel for the families because I could never feel or imagine feeling what they felt during that time. Or during yesterday…but it does feel like only 10 months instead of 10 years.

    Have a good day y’all…

    KMN

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    • The “Die Hard” reference is ironic because while I haven’t seen the Die Hard movie with that scene it in, some of my friends had and they compared what happened on 9/11 to that and said it was eerily similar.

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      • I can’t even remember if there was a scene in Die Hard like that…for some reason that was the first thing that popped in my mind. I never related anything Die Hard to NYC…except I guess the one with Sam “Hollarin A$$” Jackson in it…but I never saw that one.

        I thought of the original one in LA when I saw the TTs get hit..

        KMN

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  87. I was a senior in high school and I was in physics class. I remember my teacher getting a phone call, and then turning the TV on. I remember thinking that was odd because my teacher let nothing get in the way of physics! I remember watching a reporter talk about the WTC when suddenly the plane crashed into the Pentagon. I was on pins and needles, because I grew up in Fayetteville, NC, home of Ft. Bragg and Pope AFB so I was worried if they were coming for us next. They evacuated the school but because I lived outside of an entrance to Ft. Bragg it took nearly 2 hours to get home because of the traffic. All military personnel had been called in and were on serious high alert. Stationed outside of the base there were humvees with some of the biggest guns I had ever seen with some of the angriest looking men in uniform. I remember watching the TV with my family all night to see the footage over and over.

    I couldn’t bring myself to watch the anniversary footage because just the thought made me start to tear up. I really feel for those that lost their loved ones and to watch them relive that day just breaks my heart.

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    • I feel you on that one. I remember what Fayetteville was like when I was at Methodist during desert storm and I what is was like at Seymour Johnson during 9/11. I knew too many cats that were heading back to Goldsboro or Jacksonville that day.

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  88. One thing that stuck in my mind about watching both towers collapse. I remember having a conversation with a civil engineer about the kinetic energy that is held in the matter of a high rise building. To keep it up. The WTC towers were a symbol of capitalism at its highest point. The energy that keeps our system running is hope, optimism and the belief that things will always get better. It is that energy that makes people take risks and try to make things better. Without it, nothing good can be created.

    On the day the towers collapsed and released all their kinetic energy to the atmosphere, much of the hope energy we always had a a country was released with it. We collapsed.

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  89. I was a recent college grad who had just gotten a job. My job was such that i usually didn’t have to start work until the afternoon. As so, it was my mom who called me and told me to wake up and turn on the TV. I turned it on to replays of the second plane hitting the building.

    I knew of course that it wasn’t an accident. The second thing i realized was that the “Majority” was going to flip their sh!t. Third: we’re going to bomb the hell out of somebody.

    Amazingly, i believe i went to vote later that day in a primary. The person i voted for; Kwame Kilpatrick, the soon to be Hip Hop Mayor of Detroit (don’t Judge me, i was stupid)

    I CAN say, however, because of the event’s of September 11th, i became a news and political junkie. For the next couple of years my -best- friends became Chris Mathews, Phil Donahue and Bill Maher.

    I Remember for like 4 days the country was united in patriotism / Bloodlust. Hell, i’m a peaceful dude and even i wanted to sign my name on a soon to be used Daisy Cutter (Jerome says “Hi”) I wrote a post on my Black Planet page (lol) titled “let the bombings begin”. Concepts like “turn the place into a parking lot” were thrown around like candy.

    What snapped me out of it, was realizing my Mid Eastern friends were feeling like they were under segue. The people here had nothing to do with terrorism. (As i recall reverends Al and Jessie were a big part of cooling everyone down and calling out institutional profiling when they could have easily just stood aside.)

    Soon G W Bush (and Cheny) decided that Liberals were almost as much to blame as the Islamists for the whole thing. And the Limbaughs and the Michelle Milkin types hammered that point home when ever they opened their mouths.

    The conservative part of this country has been freaking out sense 911 and everything that happens here for the most part is a result of it.

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  90. I remember that morning. I was in my Policy Analysis class in grad school at UMD. One of my classmates came storming into the room saying that a plane had hit the first tower of the WTC. We were all kind of stunned. Next thing you know we’re all huddled trying watch a little television…then the second plane hits.

    Then we all broke out. Then we hear about the Pentagon. And all of a sudden we’re all scrambling to get home. It hits home for me because at that time, I had so many friends who worked in that area. A bunch of them left the city and came down to DC to stay with me and my boy at the time. I don’t even remember how long they were with us. But one in particular was going to go stay with her cousin in VA which means we had to drive past the Pentagon. The day after.

    That was one of the most moving and saddest things I’ve ever seen. I still remember that. This big ass hole in the Pentagon. We slowed down on 395 like every other car (there were very few cars on the road though) and just somberly looked at it. One of my boys teared up. Luckily I didn’t lose anybody in NY or DC. I do know that nobody could get in touch with us in DC for a long time. Granted, everybody who knew me knew I didn’t work at the Pentagon but you know how it goes, something happens in your city everybody needs to know that you’re okay.

    Even though I didn’t lose anybody, I feel directly connected b/c it affected so much here in DC. We still see effects from it down on the Capitol and what streets nobody can drive down, etc. It is crazy that it’s been 10 years. And I can’t say that I still feel the same levels of intensity that I did then, but it still hits home. DC ain’t but yay big and I can see the capitol from my main street.

    It’s just still sad. I know bad things happen everywhere and I’d never attempt to diminish what happens seemingly daily elsewhere. But I’ll tell you something, I do still miss the WTC buildings. Every time i go to NY I look for them. In my house I have a pic of the NYC skyline with the two towers still standing. That was the first thing I remembered about my first visit to NY. Those towers driving in on the turnpike. Seeing footage does get me.

    I’m getting longwinded.

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    • I was born and raised in Connecticut, and the biggest deal for me as a kid was driving to the Bronx to visit family, and getting a chance to go into Manhattan. I was a little girl when they were completed, and it was always a highlight of visiting “The City”.

      You never miss some things until they’re gone.

      You can be as long-winded as you want, man…

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    • It’s interesting that you mentioned the Pentagon. I remember a few years ago having to drive right past the Pentagon on I-66 right after my dad got married again. I just remember seeing those chairs and thinking back to that day. It’s still a haunting memorial, and it’s a shame the nation had to go through all of that.

      Also, I know what you mean about people thinking about the safety of others. I lived nowhere near the Towers at the time, and I had people trying to get a hold of me from throughout the country. And I know what you mean about the changes in traffic patterns. A post 9/11 ban on trucks on the lower level of the GWB results in a daily tie-up on the outbound that has caused a major change in traffic patterns. I can’t miss the change even if I wanted.

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  91. “there but for the grace of God go I…” is my 9/11 thought.

    I don’t dwell too much on it, but I was *supposed* to be at work that day (worked in 5 WTC), and I changed my schedule literally the night before. I worked in the shopping concourse, so everyone i knew got out safely, but at the time I didn’t know that and thought everyone was dead and that I had narrowly escaped that fate. I hope I never feel like that again.

    It took me three years to go to the WTC site, and even then I was deliberately drunk.

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  92. I remember being 25 and listening to the Doug Banks Morning Show as I did every morning when I showed up to work. This was my first job at a multi-national corp that gave me the priviledge of interacting with people from all over the country and world on a daily basis. I remember ‘tricking off’ from 8-9 am listening to the morning show, having breakfast, and checking emails (normal morning so I thought). Then I looked at the time on my computer screen as soon as Doug Banks said something hit the WTC in New York and it was 9:23. I was like ‘this must be a joke because this aint even sposda be on the radio after 9am’. Then my manager came over to my desk and said to we were supposed to evacuate the building. I worked in one of the tallest buildings in Milwaukee, WI and I couldn’t understand the urgency. I kept thinking ‘Who drives planes into buildings? That had to be an accident? No one does that on purpose?’ But I was 25, not aware of anything outside of my inner circle and how big this was. I took it as a paid day off, packed up my desk, turned off my radio and left for the day.

    It wasn’t until I was on my way home and stopped at a Dunkin Donuts and saw what happened on tv that I even realized the magnitude. I watched as people jumped to their death and it was too much. I didn’t even realize I was crying until a perfect stranger walked up to me and handed me a napkin and told me it would be ok.

    When I got home I sat for hours transfixed by the images of death. I didnt cry anymore because I was just numb. I felt personally attacked. Who would be so bold as to attack the USA? How did they get away with this? Who was behind it? I had a million quesstions and the images of death played on rotation on all the networks answered none of them.

    Fast forward two weeks – I tuned everything out about the attacks. I didnt want to digest it because it would mean I’d have to accept the vulnerability that the US displayed. I’d always felt safe – not so much anymore. I felt if I ignored it, shut it out, didnt acknowledge it, the security I felt prior to then would return I hoped.

    I went to work and attempted to contact a coworker who worked in our office in the WTC that I often corresponded with. I pushed his speed dial # on my work phone and got a constant busy signal with each attempt. I contacted the HelpDesk to get assistance & was made to feel like a fool when I gave him the # I was trying to call.

    He said ‘That office is part of the rubble now. You’ll have to find a work-around to get your documents now until everything is reconfigured.’ *ISH GOT REAL! I knew someone who lost their life because of the tragedy. I never met them in person, but he was a coworker that I could rely upon to help me meet my responsibilities. I ‘knew’ him.

    I went thru a whole range of emotions because I was affected or felt affected – but not really. Yesterday I avoided any and all coverage. I did not have the energy to relive that and quite frankly didnt want to. I believe what I feel is displaced remorse because I dont know who to feel sorriest for. The people who lost their lives? – definitely. The people who who gave up their lives trying to save others? – absolutely. The American public then for thinking we were invincible? – without a doubt. The American people who do not realize we are still as vulnerable? – God help us all.

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  93. I generally never comment but felt compelled to as reading other posts have brought back some memories and I can def relate.

    I was in 8th grade going to school in Bensonhurst in Brooklyn and staying in East Flatbush so I had a two hour commute one way. I was either on my way to school or just arriving when the first plane hit.

    I remember a somber feeling in my first period in general; numerous announcements over the loud system of parents coming to get their kids; me thinking I live too far away and no one driving to come get me in the case of something happening; me and my classmates asking my teacher if something was wrong and she not being responsive and that’s when I got worried. I was sitting by a window and remember hearing a boom and dust flying into the class.

    By the time we got to lunch, some of the school administrators wanted to speak to us. One in particular who was normally very comedic and cheery looked scared out of his mind. I don’t remember exactly what they said but I remember feeling scared enough to ask this man quietly if I should be worried since my mom worked in Manhattan. He asked me where she worked and I told him and he said something to the affect of her being ok.

    They still wouldn’t tell us what was wrong though. To my surprise, one of my cousins moms came to pick me up and I just happened to see her as I was prepared to take the bus like normal. By the time we got back home we watched the news for the rest of the night and I prayed for people who might be under the rubble. We waited up for my mom who had to walk the BK bridge. I remember her telling us that she had walked off the train and was immediately directed to turn around. My aunt didn’t have cable at the time and the channels were messed up so we watched channel two for days.

    I think the thing that always sticks with me every 9/11 is that even though I didn’t know anyone personally who worked in the towers or the other sites affected, I connect with the grief of people losing their loved ones suddenly (esp kids losing their fathers) and being unclear of the reason why. I was coming up on the one year mark of the death of my dad when 9/11 happened. I also see 9/11 as the mark of the end of my childhood in addition to the death of my dad as childhood ignorance went out the window.

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  94. I was my dorm room in Harlem. It was surreal because uptown it was just a beautiful Tuesday morning. [I read yesterday that people could see the smoke from Hoftsra U. on LI and I'm just like WTF?] I was listening to the radio at first and the first I heard of the attacks was a radio personality BSing like what fool could not see the freaking World Trade Center and not ditch the plane elsewhere? My family was calling me from out of state, and I’m like it was just an accident far from me, chill out. Then radio dude’s tone turned and I joined my roommate in front of her TV to see with my own eyes the second plane. Me and my friends ran out of our dorm acting a damn fool, plotting on campus bomb shelters and how to get off the island; while people on the streets around us who didn’t know yet were just walking around living life as usual. This contrasted with just having walked past fellow students in the dorm lobby having breakdowns and crowding the dorm payphones trying to get in touch with loved ones who were in harm’s way downtown.
    The anxiety continued with the addition of shock and disbelief at the misguided patriotism and xenophobia that developed immediately after. My first conversation with a friend from high school after the attacks just made my head spin because chick was talking about killing all Arabs and joining the military. Super insane coming from a Detroit area black woman with authority issues. I lost no one in my circles that day, but I lost something.

    I pretty much feel the same today–well, anxiety minus panic. I don’t need to be reminded. I’ll never forget. I hate the media frenzy every anniversary. It just makes me relive the terror I felt that day, and well, isn’t that how the terrorists win? I really can’t take the f*ckery. Like who ever decided it was no longer too soon to publish the photos and replay the footage without warnings? F*ck them.

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  95. I know I’m late and only a few people will read this, but I feel like I need to share.

    On 9/11/2001, I had just embarked on my third year of teaching. I taught math at a middle school in South Jamaica, Queens. My mother was also on her way into town from NC that day. We were going to ride into Manhattan to pick her up from the Penn Station later that evening.

    I was teaching 6th grade for the first time ever. I was used to teaching 7th and 8th graders, so these children were like babies, and that what I called them, and still do – my babies. So I’m in the room with my babies when my co-worker comes into the room with the guidance counselor and asks the children if any of them have parents who work in the WTC. One of my girls raised her hand and the counselor asked her to collect her things and come with her. I asked what was going on, and my co-worker asked me to come into the hallway. When I stepped out she told me what was going on and I was horrified. She told me that they were watching television across the hall in the television studio and that she would watch my kids so that I could go over there. When I got to the television, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I sat there with my friend Sam and we watched and cried in disbelief. After a few minutes the first tower came down before our eyes and we started to scream. I’ll never forget the sound of Val’s voice yelling, “NO! NO! JESUS NO!!” At some point I heard about the plane that had crashed into the Pentagon and I was freaked out all over again because a good friend from college was working there. We cried for a little while longer, then we pulled ourselves together to go back and face our children.

    I walked back into my classroom and the babies were asking me what happened. They were only 11 and 12 years old. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I wasn’t going to lie. I told them that some people had flown planes into the WTC. They asked why. I told them that there are some folks around the world who did not like the USA and that they had lashed out because of some things that the US had done to other people. I decided not to get too political with it, so I reassured them that we were safe because the people had no interest in hurting people like us in the in the hood.

    That night hubby and I went down to the Brooklyn promenade to see what we called “the hole”. There was ash everywhere. The burning smell was unlike anything else I had ever smelled. The streets were eerily quiet. There were huge military tank looking vehicles blocking of streets throughout Brooklyn. I remember thinking we were going to be under martial law. All I could think about was the movie, The Siege. I didn’t know what was gonna happen, but I knew our lives would never be the same.

    Two months later, a plane crashed in a residential area in Far Rockaway. We were terrified because we thought they were back and that they were no attacking neighborhoods. As it turns out it was not a terrorist attack. I don’t know if our city could have survived another.

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    • @ NY2VA,

      I remember that plane crash. It was on November 12th. It was heading towards the Dominican Republic, where I was born. My sisters were thinking of switching their flight from the 11th to the 12th on account of one of them having an ear infection, but decided not to. Thank God, for I would have lost them, my then brother-in-law, and my niece. This shook the Dominican community. The way that this was only a blip in the radar made us feel even more isolated and ignored. It was then when I knew that the only lives that matter to the branches of government were those of Americans.

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  96. I totally understand the sentiment in this post. At the time, I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation.

    I just remember getting to come home early from school, watching the news coverage then getting angry that the coverage hogged every channel leaving me with nothing else to do. Looking back, I am so ashamed and mortified that I felt that way. I was the definition of a self centered teenager.
    Now I have a better understanding of the event and I actually cried watching a couple of the documentaries on the history channel that day….like boo-hooed. Very different experience for me ten years later

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  98. I’m probably the youngest reader but I live in Harlem which is in Manhattan. I was in 5th grade when the Towers fell, we didn’t have television in our classroom but we had a Radio that we listened to it the entire morning. I did’t understand what was going on, we couldn’t see the smoke or chaos. The office assistant kept coming over the loud speaker to announce whose parent was down stairs waiting to pick them up. I remember my class emptying out slowly with only 7 of us left in a class full of 32 kids and I became frantic because I knew my mom worked somewhere downtown and I was still sitting in class waiting to be picked up & worried that she might’ve gotten hurt. Nevertheless, she came after the class was virtually empty because she had to walk all the way to midtown before she got in a cab to come pick me up. When she came and got me I became hysterical because I thought she would never come. On our walk home which was only 2 blocks away from my school, she tried to explain what was going on because being a brat, I kept crying about how it took so long for her to come get me. I still didn’t understand. I was okay once I knew my mom was safe and was only angry about the fact that I couldn’t watch pokemon.

    Fast Forward. I haven’t participated in any campus ceremonies or vigils because I too couldn’t produce the level of empathy I thought I should. I didn’t know anyone who had lost their life or a relative, so I couldn’t say I was there for moral support. Later that day, I listened to this one recording where the guy died on the phone talking to 911 operator. He describe the entire scene in his office, who he was and he kept crying “We’re too young to die… I don’t wan’t to die…I can’t breathe.” When the building started to collapse (you could hear it in the background) he screamed “Oh My God” and the line went dead. That was the moment it moved me to genuine tears, it’s unfortunate that it’s 10 years late.

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  100. Love the site. If you’re interested in an eyewitness’ story 10 years later, http://inspiredwordnyc.blogspot.com/2011/09/ten-years-later-911-poem-by-marlenas.html

    That covers a poem I wrote in response to someone being insensitive to my experience related to 9/11 10 years after. I appreciate your asking whether emotional detachment is appropriate and asking others’ sentiments; asking questions is always preferable to “feeling” for others, so to speak.

    Thanks for your writing!

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