For the vast majority of us, Memorial Day represents the unofficial start of the summer season. It’s the first weekend where grills sell out and the sweet smell of hickory smoked something or other can be smelt from Hollis to Hollywood. And because we believe in love here at VSB, we want everybody to have a fun, safe summer full of whatever level of holiness or debauchery that best suits you.
And just because, #geminiseason.
With that said, and hypothetically based upon the Memorial Day Weekend that I just had, I figured that I’d share some tips and lessons learned that might effectively help the next man or woman make it in these streets. Again, these tips may or may not be inspired by actual events and go in no particular order.
1. Bottomless mimosas are the best and worst creation known to mankind, so proceed with caution.
Let’s just say this, there is no buzz like a champagne buzz. I learned this the hard way some years ago when after consuming upwards of 10 tiny bottles of some house champagne my entire next day was spent in prayer. They go down so easy. They are less filling, taste great. And your glass is magically delicious always full! You blink and voila. MORE MIMOSA! It’s magic I swear. And the next thing you know and two hours later you have to convince the owners of an establishment that the person you’re hanging with really is special and you promise to never bring them back. I will say this, apparently, the bottomless mimosas are the great racial equalizer because, well, drunk liberals are drunk liberals and really just want to have a good time…with whomever. This does, by the way, include the nearly 90 year old white woman who grabbed my face and told me to let the good times roll. <—— that happened.
2. If you’re at an outdoor event with thousands of people, do not wait until you know you must use the port-o-potty, anticipate it ahead of time, THEN go stand in line.
Pretty self explanatory stuff here but that’s some love talk and slow jams for that azz. There is nothing worse than seeing the CLEARLY drunk and in need of some privacy young lady 50 people from the front of the line doing the pee-pee dance…at age 35.
3. Watch the weather forecast, people.
Say that you’re still at said outdoor event and what has been forecasted (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktAKHww9wPo&feature=related) comes to pass. Being surprised by such weather and acting a damn fool because of that is wildly entertaining for those of us who brought tents AND sat under them. But word to the wise ladies, not a single one of you looks good walking down a grassy knoll with a white bag covering your had that says “THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU” in red block letters. Not a one. I’m aware that you have to do what you have to do. What should you do though? Bring an umbrella. Rihanna made a song about it for cripes sake, invest in one.
4. Ladies, do not wear white if this is a possibility.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6z88ur-8bY&feature=related
5. Do not sit in direct sunlight, in 80+ degree weather, drinking either wine or champagne.
Or anything else for that matter. In fact, just don’t sit in direct sunlight. In the famous words of Genie from Alladin: It’s not a pretty picture, I don’t like doing it. While that last sentence has nothing at all to do with the price of duct tape in Botswana, the point is, that sun will seep into your soul and iron you all the way out. You will be compelled to sleep away an entire day.
6. Make sure you do bring something to the cookout.
Real talk, when somebody shows up to a cookout or celebration emptyhanded, its like the record scratches and all eyes immediately turn to that person as they walk in the door. It just ain’t right is all. It just ain’t. Bring a pack of chili peppers. Bring a deck of cards. Bring the banginest chick so at least you are good for something. Bring a white person so you can play the cultural diversity card. Something…JUST BRING SOMETHING YOU INGRATE. Hell, I have unopened bottles of wine and champagne JUST for that purpose. I don’t even drink wine.
Speaking of not drinking wine…
7. DC/MD/VA has a plethora of wine festivals. The wine will come. It will see. And it will conquer. Know that you will always lose to the vino.
Word to the two ridiculous dbags in a tent near mine who decided that they should….wrestle. And take out other people’s tents in the process. By wrestling. Grown men. Wrestled. I’m sure one or both of them were also copping feels. Bazinga.
BONUS: If you feel the need to tell somebody about your extra-marital affair that you’re going back and forth about, try not to tell the sober dude who’s tweeting.
Those are some quick tips based on things that may or may not have happened to me this past weekend. VSB, let’s share the wealth and ensure that people have a fun and happy summer. What are some summer tips that need to be shared no matter how grand or acute they may be.
Share. Just share.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
****DMV RESIDENTIALISTS: Come celebrate Panama’s B-day on Thursday, June 2, a VSB Happy Hour and Game Night at Tap& Parlour at Bohemian Caverns located at 2001 11th Street, NW (corner of 11th and U) from 530-until. Game 2 will be on the TVs, games will be available, and happy hour prices. It’s a win-win-win.****
No rapture means that God wants you to stay on Earth and purchase the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime”
Lastly, we’d like to thank all of you for coming through and nominating us for FIVE Black Weblog Awards. We’re on the final ballot for Best Humor Blog, Best Writing in a Blog, Best Sex & Relationships Blog, Best Group Blog, and Blog of the Year. Please vote for us here.
This is something someone had told me but ummmm, don’t bring the fresh fresh new rebound boo to a cookout that you KNOW your ex and all your mutual friends will be at. Even though I… um I mean hypothetical person had fun at the cookout Saturday, it was awkward and folks were all “whispery” for a little while. Tee hee…
You AND Panda need a plethora of persons with this hypotheticall bidness…
Ouch. Not the best idea. Stuntin on the ex never seems to work out. lol Not that I’ve done it. But I did hypothetically see the new boo get yoked up by the ex for “disrespect”.
LOL, he was prolly lookin for a reason to jack dude up.
NewDude: “Excuse me sir, would you mind passing the bbq sauce.”
EX: *smacks NewDudes plate of ribs on the ground “YOU BETTA WATCH YO TONE N*GGA!”
lmfao!
LMAO!!!
NewDude: “Excuse me sir, would you mind passing the bbq sauce.”
EX: *smacks NewDudes plate of ribs on the ground “YOU BETTA WATCH YO TONE N*GGA!” <- Dead at this…
especially when you find out that said new boo knows some of the ex boo’s boys #EPICFAIL
nooooooo, mutual friends of me and the ex… not of the new boo.
this is all allegedly tho.
y’all need to start dating interracially. lol
or at least make sure the new dude has got a decent pair of hands…and a “bad mother fcuker” wallet.
Lmao
#geminiseason 06/07
what the haaaail is a geminiseason and why dont other signs get twitter love like that? booo
nothing sounds as dope as #geminiseason. with the POSSIBLE exception of Scorpio, everything else more or less sounds like fallflat attempts at coolness that us Gemini’s have in spades. joker.
#geminiseason 0603
Temporary coolness..
#ageofaquarius 0205
Yup. #geminiseason 0608
I still maintain that Gemini sounds like a gay R&B group.
I still need to tell this to the top dog Gemini, Mama Cheeks. Give me time, I just came up with it last week…
“#geminiseason 06/07″
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PJ!!!
As an Aries I have much love for gemini… I get the crazy of dual nature.
I won’t be east until later in the month of June, but I do wish that I could come to that party.
Can you say off the chain.
Have one for me and know that you have my best wishes ~JS
#geminiseason June 19th…ima at the buzzer Gemini lol
#geminiseason 06/04
#geminiseason 06/15
Best season EVER! Happy Born Day to all the Gems!
Black people need sunscreen, too.
sunburn is NOT a game.
I was going to say this.
Even really dark people get skin damage (and it hurts!)
Yes. My daughter is a chocolate drop and had the worst sun burn a few years ago! It was terrible. And up until then, I didn’t even know black folk burned so I couldn’t even help her.
How bad does it hurt? I have never had a sunburn I just get even darker.
it feels like an actual burn like as if you burned yourself on the stove, it makes your skin extra tender to the touch and your skin will peel… good times -_-
First time I burned was in 1983…I had no idea what was wrong with my skin. “What’s this black stuff?” Well, blacker stuff.
you know…while i know what you’re talking about, out of context this could be any of a number of afflictions. lol
It stings for a long time afterward too…
(you actually feel uncomfortable in your own skin)
Naturally Alise and Girl Kayneshurg hit the nail on the head except to the degree at which that mess burns. Even though my parents raised me and witnessed my sunburn with their own eyes they think sunscreen is like a beach towel and is only needed for vacations!
In addition to the constant burning feeling at first, the skin feels really tight like it’s gonna split open any minute and then it itches during the peeling stage. I don’t know what’s worse: having to explain to people that yes Black people get sunburn or looking like who shot John and why.
It’d be handy if we turned another color like the 2520s when we started to burn. Like purple or magenta.
Ahhhh us extra-whites are all too familiar! It sucks. If you have it on your back, don’t plan on sleeping well. Booze, a fan, and aloe vera lotion will help the sleep.
I am really dark and I need sunscreen at all times… Sunburn is not a joke.
And have a lil’ extra sunscreen or lotion for us guys since we don’t carry purses. It’s hard tryin’ to talk to women when your legs look like you’ve been playing soccer with some powdered donuts.
LMAO!
Black people need sunscreen, too. <————– Exactly.
When I was in Nicaragua in January traveling with a group of 14 2520s I was utterly appalled when an older lady pulled me aside to tell me "Even you need sunscreen here. We’re 6 degrees away from the Equator!” I gave that heifer a bilingual side-eye, said “ya yo sé” and kept it moving. Funny thing is that she’d lived in the country as an ex-pat for 8 years, and didn’t speak a lick of Spanish so she was completely dumbfounded by my response (I already know.)
Funny, I’m not at all offended when spottieottiedarlin said it.
The sad thing is, a lot of us don’t think we need sunscreen, and I didn’t know that for a long time. It’s not uncommon for black people to think they can go w/o it. I’ll admit that I don’t use it as often as I should.
Yes! and Black people peel too.
YES. Two friends came home from Aruba IN PAIN.
Hell yeah……I worked summers as a lifeguard 80+ hours…..
I got sunburned only once….peeled like a black mamba
My son’s (chocolate) paternal grandmother died from skin cancer so I am very aware that sunscreen is needed by everyone (especially my baby).
Yeah, especially since we are more likely to die from melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer, because we don’t think we need to use sunscreen.
Wow Panama you really are bout dat 12am posting… I mean on the dot.
I don’t really have more to add, I spent the holiday doin sh!t I couldn’t do otherwise so… what Naturally Alise said.
you didn’t know how vicious my midnight post game was? you pretending like i’m not an OG of this game.
my name is my name.
I have to go with…. BATHE… Bathe early, bathe often, bathe twice a day… Nobody wants to smell your grown stankin arse AND you will stop getting invites to BBQs. Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT put on cologne/perfume/deodarant thinking that if will cover the funk. You will smell like hot, steamed gym socks filled with flowers…
Thank you.
bwhaha +1
I thought about this person while I was reading this: http://prettylittleprose.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/zoe-kravitz-out-in-l8ed66b.jpg
Zoe looks cute!
But have you seen her momma? You really can’t be surprised. Beautiful people but Lisa Bonet looks like hot sh*t warmed over and Zoe constantly looks like she needs a bath. I’m not hating either.
Yes I have seen her mama. I think she could benefit from a bath too. lol. I would bet they are the type that believe in keeping their body “all natural”. Sometimes I see a pic of Zoe at an event and she looks banging. But most of the time I see her, I think to my self: “why you look so rough?!!!
Zoe is GORGEOUS but she does wear some o_O ish. And word to SFG, knowing her mama, it ain’t surprising lol.
LMAO
If this here ain’t the truth. Nothing worse than being in close proximity to someone who hasn’t seen fit to maintain his or her freshness level.
+2
just had a convo with a friend like this….funking up a storm in humid azz cities like NY or DC is NOT the bidness
CO-SIGN! that 3 a day never hurts!
OMG I’m actual lol at this because there must be something about ocean air that brings the funk outta people. I always tell people to take a shower BEFORE you go to the beach AND after. Please and thank you.
hm…people have this problem? i think i may know better people than you. lol
I absolutely LOATHE perfumed funk. It’s like trying to a put a dress on a baboon. This makes sense.
if number one aint the truth!
I love me a champagne buzz.. only thing is.. it creeps up on you.. New Year’s Eve I must have had about 7 glasses of champagne and was GONE for the rest of night
oh and my tip is:
ladies, wear your hair natural or in curly styles for the summer. its easier to make frizz look good when your hair is already curled. My cousin graduated from Brown University this weekend and all my aunts and cousins’ permed/ straightened hair began to frizz up within 15min of being outside, and the ceremony was from 9:45am – 4pm. as you can imagine, it only got worse
Agreed!!
Going to Vegas this weekend, and leaving the flat-iron alone and at home.
Yes, straightening and humidity don’t mix.
I’ve been natural for all of 3 months, and already I’m reaping the benefits. Just have to crank that anti-frizz and I’m good.
True story.
Vegas 2007…we hit the club at 10:45pm and they said all you can drink champagne for women until 12am. The bet? How many could I get down before then. My total? 9 glasses. The end result? Me screaming “franks and beans” in the lobby of the Caesars Palace hotel and on the double decker bus on the way back to our hotel.
Moral to the story? Champagne is not a game!
Vegas is dry. No humidity to speak of. There will be no frizz. There will be plenty of heat, tho. Don’t even try to go for a walk. Heat waves will confuse you. Stay in the air conditioning. Take if from the Wild Cougar. I was raised in Sin City. (shhh…..)
Firstly, welcome back. You were missed.
Secondly, my number one summer tip as a Chicago native: DUCK.
Word to me having to stop drop and roll wit a plate of stewed beef in my hands at the Afro-Caribbean festival @ Washington Park! Negro’s go NUTZ out here come summer.
EFFING WORD. I can already tell it was a holiday and hot, because I passed a turribo car accident. Almost erupted in some scrappin’. 5-0 was DEEP. Uncle Delores and Aunt George (u read that right) was standing outside, barefoot. A firetruck was blocking a main intersection. CHAOS. Niccas act UP as soon as it get sunny…
Nirvana time Cheekie.
Are the police still carrying M4 carbines strapped to their backs out there in the Chi?
O.
They better…
(makes mental note for my upcoming trip to Chicago)
(bites nails)
May I add: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT run towards a big arse crowd. While you tryin to be nosy, you gone catch a bullet in ya behind or get both ya eyes dotted…
Indeed. That’s why I’m glad all my freinds are as scary as me! The second one of us senses tension we start grabbin each other, and routing exit paths.
Wheredeydodatat? I’m from where if a crowd starts running we ask no questions and get a head start. When you are safe you can ask what happened.
Some people are just too stupid & worried about getting the scoop to use common sense in scenarios like that. That’s why I don’t mess w/the Taste of Chicago or anything involving crowds, too much of a hassle navigating crowds when some mess goes down…
Plus it’s too damn hot. Heat and crowds make TAC something something.
*in Ced Tha Entertainer’s voice*
GET LISA ‘NEM!!!!
Cuz we ruuuunnnnnn!
Black folk just don’t know how to act when the weather breaks!
awww thanks.
and not Duck though. LOL. y’all folks in the Chi do lose your mind in some warm weather.
“y’all folks in the Chi do lose your mind in some warm weather.”
Given our winters, can ya blame us? I mean, you can… but you can’t. #ThisMakesSense
Hate, hate, hate summer. Always have. Unless I move to a place that has zero humidity during the summer, I will never be able to enjoy summer. But, since I’m a geek there’s always E3 next week which has me gassed.
Is E3 in LA?
Yessir.
I went to one back in 04. Had a great time. The Gears presentation should be sick.
Don’t wear Timbs in the summer lest your feet smell AND feel like slavery. *looks at Humble One*
I don’t approve of Timbs and shorts, looking like an extra from a Wu Tang video, bad business….
LOL @ Extra for Wu Tang…LOL
Hey, hey – don’t go hatin’ on the Wu. Baddest Hip Hop collective ever known to Man….
O.
Wu is my favorite, but I ain’t rocking no Wu-Wear, lol
Word from the late Russell Jones about Wu-Tang:
http://youtu.be/b2-5GSjZvW8
“extra from Wu-Tang video”
*Nelson Voice”
haha…
Actually Raekwon coming my way friday…might throw on a pair of Tims for ol’ time sake…it’ll be at nite…but still humid.
I thought during the summer they (The Wu) rocked Clarks: “You got get the cream joints. Boom. All you dye this isht right here and this. Any color you want but it be like like blue and cream…..Word is bond, Ima’ rock ninjas this summer. ” *goes to bump “Glaciers of Ice” right now*
@ Legit_soul
Love a woman that can bump “Glaciers”, and still be fem with it…
Thank you, sir!
*goes to bump the whole OB4CL*
The infamous “Purple Tape”!
Just imagine if you bought …..whooooooo, check it out! Just imagine you bought navy blue, right? A navy blue, a navy blue pair right. Boom! Of this, of this sh!t? Know what I’m saying? But get this dyed cream on top. Just imagine that color like; but you gotta drip it like it’s marble cake!
Check it….Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo……….
CLASSIC!!!!
Yes, yes, yes. Miss Tee-Lee and I were talking about the purple tape.
Forgive me. Miss T-Lee.
I just DIED w/ that extra from a Wu Tang vid comment!
I have nothing to add. I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk and not even awake. My commute to work is a BLAST this AM.
I just DIED w/ that extra from a Wu Tang vid comment!
I have nothing to add. I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk and not even awake. My commute to work is a BLAST this AM.
To top it off, I’m on the train sitting nxt to hoodratest of all hoodrats… as he blasts Lady Gaga’s ‘Paparazzi’
Good morning folks!
“To top it off, I’m on the train sitting nxt to hoodratest of all hoodrats… as he blasts Lady Gaga’s ‘Paparazzi’”
Wait, did just say HE was blast Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi”?
Please give him the proper side-eye he is due…
Who decided that was a cool style even? Gosh… It’s so weird.
I bet slave foot smells waaay worse than swamp foot.
(shudders)
Wear shorts in the summer, Timberlands when it snows
A Masta Ace quotable. Well played sir.
Ha Ha, I knew someone somewhere would know it.
I think that’s more of a Northeast (and maybe upper Midwest….s/o to Humble One) thing. If you grew up as a male somewhere in the South, you probably were wearing sneakers and sandals (yep, even the ones with the strap in between the toes) in the summer. Hell, some of us grew up in the country…barefoot like a mug.
Indeed…either the all-white low-tops or a fresh pair of Js. Speaking of which, keeping the shoe game tight is essential. That shoe-cleaning kit that the brother sells in the mall for $15 might be the best investment you make all summer.
+ 1!
I definitely feel you on the cookouts.
When my family and I throw cookouts, we just to tell our relatives and close relatives to bring themselves…we don’t mind sparing the expense. We offer GREAT Food, GREAT TOP SHELF LIQUOR, and GREAT Hospitality (yes, we spoil our guests…shrugs)
HOWEVER…
Don’t come to a cookout that is a BIRTHDAY celebration and don’t bring a gift card at least. I shouldn’t tell grown azz people to bring a gift when they know its a celebration.
Don’t come to a cookout and start gossiping about family or rehashing old business.
Don’t bring your girlfriend or boyfriend if the two of you have drama the day before. The last thing I need is to see is a soap opera or something equivalent to the Maury show that will ruin my appetite for bbq ribs, chicken hamburgers, potato salad, macaroni salad, red kool aid, sangria.
“When my family and I throw cookouts, we just to tell our relatives and close relatives to bring themselves…we don’t mind sparing the expense. We offer GREAT Food, GREAT TOP SHELF LIQUOR, and GREAT Hospitality (yes, we spoil our guests…shrugs)”
You know I REALLY miss old school hood bbq’s.
Significant Other actually bought a garbage can grill from a guy in his old neighborhood that still makes them… cause I don’t care how much you spend on a grill you can’t beat ‘em.
I also miss the way people used to have their own personal throw downs to see who made the best dish… (you know Bobby Flay got that from us right)… also cause I don’t eat everybody’s potato salad.
I miss strip go naked punch… lemonade, gin and beer… don’t judge me.
I miss old men throwing bones and young girls jumping double dutch.
Soul train lines in the grass with Marvin so loud you could hear it on the next block and folks would show up looking for a plate even though they weren’t invited.
They got cussed, but they got fed cause it was all love right.
See now you done made me all misty and sh*t…
When all I really wanted to know was can a sista get an invite ~JS
Awwwwwww
I think folks have to specify beforehand whether to bring anything. If it’s not clear, then I bring something. The last cookout I went to was a ‘don’t bring anything’ event.
That is some really good advice right there! I do count cards so I can send thank you notes so I will know who came empty handed. And I hate hate hate people who gossip/clique up at parties. That is not the time or place for that highschool mess.
Cosign on 6!!!!!!!! As soon as someone walks in, all eyes focus on the hands on the person.
A wise man once said, “You eat what you bring, so if you bring plates, you eat plates.”
LOL!! I can imagine this signage being placed on a front door.
That might actually be the single greatest banner slogan for BBQs ever.
I only have 1 tip:
1. Don’t use a porta potty. Ever. Go the bathroom before you leave, drink as little as possible while there and park near a restaurant with a public bathroom. It can save your life.
YES.
when the sun starts beating down on that port-o-potty, its like cooking raw sewage. yuck.
Right…Just ugh!
OMG I agree…It’s disgusting
Especially at the end of the day and it gets filled up with ish cuz they don’t clean them. I haven’t used a porta potta since I was a little kid.
Yes Tonya! I am NOT a fan of public restrooms and I have a strict no gas station/porta potty rule. Even mini SFG abides to these rules. Them germs might jump up and grab you. Nah sah.
I hate port-a-potties myself. At Inauguration, I went without food or drink just so I could keep from using one of those things, and I don’t drink or eat anything beforehand if I’m going to an outdoor festival. GROSS!
I am in awe of you folks with steel bladders and large intestines…..cause er, um…when I have to go, I have to go.
Me TOO! It was too damn cold to be drinking anything anyways..
And when folks started climbing on top of the porta potties at the concert I kept wondering if they would fall through and land on someone or something.. EEWW!
Actually gas station bathrooms (that I have been having to use on long drives), have been very clean, to the point where you smell the chemicals they use in the air as you walk in to the stall)
What is this heaven you speak of? I have yet to find. lol I do see the rest stop bathrooms are good and when I’m driving long hours, they’re a must.
#######666666666!!!! Paper plates, napkins, cups… ICE. There’s NEVER enough ice! If you bring a dime to the BBQ make sure SHE brings something, ESPECIALLY IF SHE’S TRYING TO IMPRESS THE FAM!
PS if you’re a vegetarian/vegan/ahole picky eater, ring your own d*mned food!!!
THANK YOU
Everyone knows you don’t win friends with salad.
Now vagitarians are more than welcome to attend my summer soirées…
I feel like I’ve dirtied the waters by talking about vagitarianism. I apologize to PJ and Champ.
Don’t be sorry. I’m not.
Me either. lol
Given the heatwaves that have begun, I am not at all certain such a strategem is a good idea…
O.
*the crowd joins in…*
“You dont win friends wit salads…You dont win friends wit salads…”
“It’s just a little airborne. It’s still good! It’s still good!”
@ TAC
“It’s just a little airborne. It’s still good! It’s still good!”
classic sh*t.
Although, some aunt is usually the designated pasta salad afficianado.
RIGHT! I haven’t seen such creativity in all my life with bow tie, macaroni, tricolored, and spaghetti noodles – as someone’s aunt with the pasta salad @ the cook outs!
It wasn’t a salad, but Sunday I brought some seasoned mixed zucchini, summer squash, and mushrooms to a cookout at my uncle’s house. Since I’m the bougie one in the family, everybody was whispering and staring talking about they weren’t sure about it and whatnot. When it came off the grill my drunk cousin was like “I’on be eating no suchinnis (yep, suchinnis) and sqaushes but this smell guuuud!” I guess he was the guinea pig because after he gave it his seal of approval it got smashed and was gone before the greens and potato salad. #newsignaturesummersidedish
now see this right here…so true NEVER enough ICE ..beer warm, water warm , soda warm, talmbibout (talking about lol) it melted, well got damn it get some more…or better yet better coolers to keep the ice
i hate that, cuz somehow i always end up goin to the store for more ice.
PS if you’re a vegetarian/vegan/ahole picky eater, ring your own d*mned food!!!——Preach!
I loved seeing my tall, muscle bound, grown, personal trainer cousin get put in his place by his aunt on Sunday.
Him: Aunt Sib, is there pork in these beans?
Her: Yep.
Him: What did you season the greens with?
Her: Pork.
Him: Where are the turkey burgers?
Her: Do I look like I know where the turkey burgers at? Only burgers I’m eatin’ is HAM-burgers. N3gro, if you ask me one more question about this damn food I know something. No pork and turkey burgers? You better get away from me with that mess. It’s too hot for this…I’on know whats wrong with you….
WORD. The person who brings ice STAYS winning. It is definitely the most prized possession in weather that feels like you’re trapped in Flava Flav’s morning breath.
1. If you live anywhere below the mason-dixon line, OFF insect repellant at ALL times.
2. If you live in a dry climate where as soon as the sun goes down, all the heat goes with it *cough* LA *cough* a jacket in the car. Nothing like wearing a tube dress in 55 degrees.
3. Spare deodorant in your purse! For when it’s a little hotter and you’re outside a little longer than you thought you would be. #imjussayin #bettersafethansorry
4. A fresh pedi. For the ladies AND the gents. I don’t know why men think they can rock sandals and their feet look like who machine gunned John.
In regards to Number one…My cousin from North Carolina told me there is no escaping Mosquitoes. My aunt’s use that Skin So Soft from Avon….it maybe oily as hell, but those little bugs will stay away from you.
i live in LA and cosign #2 even in the summer smh i miss the hot nights of where i used to live
you prob’ly won’t ever catch me in sandals outside of the house (a DC think i think)…though my feet are apparently above-average on the man-scale. but the “cover-up” does/should not stop the pedicure prescription…if a dude ain’t tendin’ toes his toes at least semi-regularly, he doesn’t really care about you(r vag!na).
get these…thank me later:
http://www.aceformen.com
ps
as for the birthday happenings on thursday…i’m there. are bottomless mimosas on the menu!?
Re: mon répondez s’il vous plaît
http://youtu.be/To-6wIC5Q7g
LADIES…
IF WE ARE GOING TO WEAR OUR TOES OUT…HAVE SOME CLASS AND GET THOSE PEDIS.
WHEN YOU PUT SOME LOTION ON YOUR FEET, RUB IT IN EVERY ASH CRACK THAT IS VISIBLE. INVEST IN PALMERS COCOA BUTTER LOTION. CARRY A SMALL BOTTLE IN YOUR BAG.
Add a little baby oil gel to your lotion. Helps keep the ash away…for a while!
HELLO
I only use the actual butter..They have a roll-on stick now!
You sound like Paula Deen. I think she washes in butter. lo.
LOL
LOL
LOL!!!!
Agreed!!!…and this also applies to men
Your feet, legs, knees, elbows etc should not be drier than Ghandi’s sandal!
Palmers Cocoa Butter and Shea Butter are a girl’s best friends…
Vaseline on the feet. Fancy lotion everywhere else. Almond oil for emergencies.
@wild cougar
My exact regimen! : ) While wearing open-toed shoes, lotions and oils don’t seem to last that long without reapplying. But, a small amount of Vaseline on the feet with keep the ash away all day!
Cosign #6…I probably spent more on food to take than I ate this weekend. Today I drove up to the bbq, realized I had nothing and turned around and went a bought a pound cake. Just didn’t feel right not having anything in my hand.
Added tip…
When the host asks if you want to make a plate…make a plate or take only as much as the host says. DO NOT take enough to feed KeKe, Ray Ray, Jamal, Uncle Eddie and the dog for two weeks plus. That’s just damned greedy and rude.
OMFG…THANK YOU!
better yet…Don’t get to the cookout at 3:00pm and then try to make plates to take home at 3:30pm (some ppl do shit like that)
I hate freeloaders
I had to edit this comment:
OMG…THANK YOU!
better yet…Don’t get to the cookout at 3:00pm and then try to make plates to take home at 3:30pm (some ppl do ish like that)
I hate freeloaders!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES. I cannot with folks who do the pre-plate. How you gone start the wrap-up before the party has even started? Uncouth dinna mug. Dinna thermos, too.
So true…my parents had a bbq and had some neighbors wanna take whole slabs of ribs, big arsh bowls of side dishes, and other ish. It’s like what’s wrong with u people.
*bring
1. Napkins, plates, and eating utensils do not count as you bringing something of substance to a cook out #sideeye
2. Just because you think your blue pitbull is best in show doesn’t mean guests will think the same.
3. Ladies, keep it classy please. I know it’s hot out but did you really have nothing else to wear besides those light up plastic stripper pumps and see through unitard from H&M?
3. Ladies, keep it classy please. I know it’s hot out but did you really have nothing else to wear besides those light up plastic stripper pumps and see through unitard from H&M?
*DEAD FAINT*
*faints next to Dimaati then regains consciousness to LOL
# 4 Me and Lisa Raye are muggin you right now. Muuuuuugn
# 6 Yes please do bring something to the cookout BESIDES paper plates and ice! Because if you bring it, what imma bring?
Others:
1. Short’s ain’t for everybody
don’t be ashamed to rock capris, or a nice maxi dress! I ain’t appreciate all that shyt I saw in the streets this holiday.
2. Men w/moobs are forbidden to go topless. So it is written. So it shall be.
3. Always bring an extra bottle of lotion with you. Nothing worse than stepping out in the son and notice your feet have been replaced with two Kimono dragons.
“notice your feet have been replaced with two Kimono dragons.”
bwahahaaa!!!
hehehe @ alla this..
OMG. HILLARIOUS (and sooooooooo true!!)
1.If you are a grown ass person (30+ own, house, big grill decent job) don’t just have cheap ass hamburgers and $1 store franks. Put a little money in your food.And have another kind of meat chicken, ribs, steak SOMETHING!
2. Don’t get in the pool if you don’t wanna be splashed.
3. DC/MD/VA Don’t bring your kids to the wine festival and get WASTED! How about don;t bring your kids.But if you have too. DON’T GET WASTED
I agree with your number one. Don’t provide your guests with cheap food AND drinks and tell them to bring an extravagant dish (the nerve of some people). Yes add more to the menu. If you can’t afford to buy more food for the cookout…then don’t do it
3. This is my biggest pet peeve: folks bring their kids to inappropriate occasions! Why do they do that? If you can’t find a babysitter, chalk it as a loss and stay your behind at home!
I was at a Prince concert and folks brought their 8-10 year olds.. SMDH.
Maybe they thought it was okay since The Purple One isn’t much taller than their 8-10 year olds.*
*I love me some Prince but he’s small enough to fit in my pocket. Pause.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO
1.If you are a grown ass person (30+ own, house, big grill decent job) don’t just have cheap ass hamburgers and $1 store franks. Put a little money in your food.And have another kind of meat chicken, ribs, steak SOMETHING!
Why do people do this? Pre-pressed frozen hamburger patties are the devil.
Hears Dave Chappelle shouting “You better not bring yo kids!”
can’t lie, i was AMAZED at how many grown folks with little kids were drunk out there. its like people just decided that drinking wine in the hot sun wouldn’t impact any of their judgment or anything.
If your feet are going to be out make sure they are lotioned and (for the ladies…hell the fellas too) your toes are “open-toed shoe” appropriate!
If you are gonna be walking around half-naked, hit the damn gym during the spring months. If you didn’t, cover that flab up. The heat is not an excuse to let it all hang out!
If you are going to bring a dozen extra uninvited guests to the bbq, let someone know first or bring enough food (not supplies, actual food to throw on the grill) to accommodate your friends!
Jesus be a P90x DVD!!!
Sidebar: A good party person brings foil to a cookout… We always need more foil.
LOL, foil and ice FTW.
One of my friends says all problems with Black folks begin with our never ending need for aluminum foil! Ha!
Oh if you are meeting your boo’s family for he first time you BETTER be sure to bring something more than a Colgate smile. Also be sure to attempt to be semi social & helpful cause if not you will not be invited back & talked about horridly.
Also walk around apart from your bf/gf and talk to the people there
OK, even though it’s awkward at least walk to the kitchen and ask if you can help
and then pray you are told “No, sit down”because you’ll get points for asking and at least giving the illusion that you care about helping.I always laugh when my cousins bring new dips and they act all standoffish and shy. Better get in there and act like u know! Ask to help, or partner up in some spades or sumthin! Don’t jus be sittin on the side lookin cute cuz the girl cousins and aunties will eat that tail up! You won’t get brought back after the tongue lashing he gets.
I swear on my ancestors graves…I better not see any…I MEAN ANY CHICK…WEARING UGGZ WITH SHORTS
(cancels your summer invite to the Chi)
These chicks do that here. A lot.
Hahahaha, yes indeedy they do.
I swear I didn’t know it was a Chi thing?! I know chicks in LA used to do it frequently I didn’t realize it had spread so rapidly.
Yep. Like the fungus between their funky @ss toes.
Yeah, ya’ll LA folks started that ish. Once celebs were seen doing it, it spread like wildfire. Ish makes my cuticles hurt. PET PEEVE.
Mine eyes have already seen said sight, and they were hot pank. But she was young, so I gave her a pass.
Nope…no more passes for these chicks.
We let them slide last year.
Uggz is a tragedy
Gosh…they make my feet hot just looking at them
they were actually made to be worn in summer type weather.. in australia surfers started wearing them at the beach, thats how they got popular.. on the card they come with it says they were made to keep your feet comfortable and at room temperature. so in theory, they shoudn’t make your feet hot unless u wear them with socks
*body temperature
Now this I never knew…But those things still look to hot for 97 degree weather.
They shouldn’t be worn period. Ugg is for Ugg-ly! They should be banned. Along with croc’s.
Number 5 is the truth. Black people DO get sun burned. We do. It takes longer for us to than the average white person, but trust…it does happen.
I’d say:
Don’t take new boo to said cookout where old boo will be. Especially if your friends are mutual and the old boo has a new boo of their own there. It will be awkward…it will.
Do be the person who brings one drink to the cookout and then precedes to take it back after the get together is over. That is the tackiest thing ever. When someone says “yeah, sure bring some juice,” don’t just show up with one jug of juice. And definitely don’t take said juice home at the end of the night…only unless it’s requested that you take what you have brought…don’t. Yes the host person stays winning in that regard, but they cooked and bought most of the food so there has to be something to offset that. Your dinky juice aside…
Don’t cheat in the group games that always follow the food festivities. There is nothing like a cheater at a house party who is constantly rigging the score in Taboo. Uhm, I’m a Taboo grandmaster and I keep card counts so nothing is lost on me.
Besides, when you cheat, you lose at life. I don’t take my games too seriously (read=I do take them seriously) and if drinks have been involved, I just might accost you out for cheating. Yes, it’s a game, I know. But still…have some respect and take your “L” like a G
*Don’t be the person
(second full paragraph)
You wouldn’t like my oldest sis very much then cause all that girl do is cheat when it comes to games: Uno, checkers, Scrabble, everything. A shame when you think about it *lol*.
ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
Agreed, I don’t do cheaters. I won’t even want to play anymore- although I do love to catch a renig.
I have to admit that I did the drink takeback once. I knew it was tacky, but it was an unopened bottle of Moscato and I had a party to go to the next night and the host doesn’t drink. But it was still tacky.
“Uhm, I’m a Taboo grandmaster”
Is that right? I think a VSB v VSS Taboo game would be epic.
I’ll take on that Taboo challenge.
Only if you don’t mind losing.
Count me in. I am a Taboo legend around these here parts.
When and where is the next VSB event? If it is in NY/DC, I’m good for it.
*Dusts off the summertime guide for BigGirls/PlushDivas/TeamChunk*
Ahem, here we go…
1.Just because they make it in our size doesn’t mean we should wear it. Yes that day glo pink lycra halter jumpsuit looks cute on the mannequin, on your potholed/dimpled behind, not so much.
2. Pleaaase make sure to wear breathable fabrics! Nothing is worse than to see grown arse women wit pit stains and sweaty backs.
3. Wearing comfortable shoes that look cute. If you know you got big wide boat feet, wearing stilletos with teeny straps will have your feet looking like a busted can of biscuits.
4. Not knowing how to hold your liquor. Be mindful that when cousin KeKe passes her lil buck twenty self out she can be carried out to the car. Us, not so much o_O
Ladies of a certain size, please feel free to add on…
As a card carrying member of #TeamChunk, I say yay to this list.
I co-sign to this list 100%
agreed…nothin worse than seein a big girl sweating like Shaq at the free throw line
Balderdash! I maintain a “day glo pink lycra halter jumpsuit” looks good on Nothing, not even a size 3 mannequin! Don’t let Somoya Reese and my Aunty Toni lie to you! No good can come of such a garment
LMAO @ Somaya Reese…maybe the extra glitter helps deflect the booty/thigh dimples?..no?…okay, i tried
5. (this speaks to #1) If you have back cleavage, halter tops, tube tops and spaghetti straps are not for you! I know they look cute on the thin chicks and they even look cute on the girls that are smaller up top, but your back boobs require more support
6. Two-piece bathing suits are a hell no…just walk away, leave them alone and get that miracle suit…sn: Spanx is now selling bathing suits…sounds like a worthwhile investment
lmao at back boobs. I will be stealing this term thank you very much
Not only do I wholeheartedly endorse everything the Sista has said here, but this comment serves as yet another support for my argument that Sistas in aggregate MUST attend Charm School, so as to relearn and regain the Art of Being a Lady.
Its a good idea, Sistas. You’ll like it, it’ll be good for you and good for the country.
O.
Charm school is overrated.
You’ll never use 85% of what you “learn” and if the time comes where you should, you won’t remember it.
“Charm school is overrated.
You’ll never use 85% of what you “learn” and if the time comes where you should, you won’t remember it.”
My grandmother used to say “sex sells… but beauty, intelligence and grace keeps you paid”
I’m paraphrasing.
I think that you might be much like myself taking for granted what you have been taught and how what maybe intuitive to you needs to be taught intentionally to some.
One of my girls claims that she is constantly holding the purses when she goes out.
I told her to shave her legs, put on a dress and some lipgloss and smile for once… she was AMAZED that this improved her options
I thought the answer was an obvious birds nest on the ground but she didn’t get the connection until she was told, taught and shown.
I don’t know where the disconnect is occurring but there are apparently a lot of sistas who aren’t being taught the basics.
It could be the cultural “do you” that seems to have been distorted or misinterpreted as “do nothing that is not easy and comfortable”.
And I think that women are sacrificing the power of femininity by being “comfortable” and over sexualizing to close the gap ~JS
“It could be the cultural “do you” that seems to have been distorted or misinterpreted as “do nothing that is not easy and comfortable.”
And I think that women are sacrificing the power of femininity by being “comfortable” and over sexualizing to close the gap.”
This sounds so much like somethin’ I’d say (or have said) that it literally gave me jeja vu.
“Not only do I wholeheartedly endorse everything the Sista has said here, but this comment serves as yet another support for my argument that Sistas in aggregate MUST attend Charm School, so as to relearn and regain the Art of Being a Lady.”
*clutches pearls*
You have mentioned this numerous times and while it comes off as misogynistic I hate to say that I agree with you… especially after the weeks past events.
I will out myself and say that I went to, no was required to go to finishing/charm school from the 12 to 18. My family is a combo of postal rich and bougie and even though it was a great financial sacrifice for my branch I went.
I hated every minute of it. We all did. We complained about it being archaic and sexist and we all swore we would NEVER put our kids though that sh*t.
We were wrong.
I took and still take for granted the things I learned during these formative years as being common sense, neglecting to recognize that not only had I been taught these practices formally these were the values that were reinforced in my home.
I once wrote a post to a young woman heading to a very prestigious law school advising the purchase of several items such as pearls, a simple black dress, trench coat and a suit with matching skirt and pants and good underwear. I told her to buy the best she could afford.
I also told her to purchase stationary and pre printed thank you cards, to treat herself to a high tea and to practice in front of a mirror eating, sitting and standing and to purchase an etiquette book.
The girl was from a very poor family and had limited exposure to these very basic things and experiences, she was headed to the ivy league and scared to death that she wouldn’t fit in or know what to do.
So I gave her my advice based upon those facts.
I was creamed by other women and accused of making her feel insecure and 90 plus percent of those other women told her none of that was necessary. It was a hotly debated thread but a few months later I got an email from this young lady, and even though we didn’t get along on the message boards she thanked me for my advice.
Many of the don’ts in this thread alone are examples of poor etiquette and what my grandmother
would call basic home training. Things that generations of black women have prided themselves on having or acquiring to elevate their professional and social stations in life.
We have lost that sense of personal pride as a collective.
I am fortunate that I live a very self selected life. I work from home, and the people that I work with are all professionals from similar backgrounds regardless of economic levels.
In other words I don’t get outside of my circle of friends and business associates much, even where I live is removed from the hood. So it is easy to over look what is hot in the streets.
I visited a relative who still lives in the hood for a graduation party and what I saw… there are no words.
The lack of basic grooming, hygiene and manners displayed by young ladies was shocking to the point of disgust
Fried hair, obvious synthetic hair, bad dye jobs, chipped nails, crusty feet, unshaved underarms, white deodorant stains, wrinkled clothes, talking with food in the mouth…
My daughter had to teach a girl her age to use a knife and fork… she only knows how to use a spoon at 17
My soul died a little for real.
The brothas were no better but crude behavior is a much worse look for sistas.
The interesting thing is that there are very few finishing/charm schools left, especially here in Chicago.
My daughter has been taught at home and a group of sistas I know got together and hired a pageant trainer to do a boot camp for our girls this summer and into their senior year.
And it was a task to find someone suitable.
We had to limit the number of the group to 12, and I can’t tell you how many mothers have come to me begging for a spot because they can’t afford private lessons.
And this is what we have come to… it is really sad.
The truth is that without social and personal graces we as women are limited both professionally and personally…
To be truly empowered and fully actualized as sistas we must play to our inherent strengths as women by first being a lady ~JS
In Tribute To Ms. Jhane
I just wanted to post a quick comment in praise of what you said; it’s no secret that we’ve had some…heated words in as many months. I’d like to apologize to you for my role in that; it’s pretty clear that we got some seriously bigger fish to fry.
I am very heartened that you agree with my general premise; and while what I say may indeed come across as harsh, I think the much more heatless thing to do is say or worse, do, nothing. “Nothing” has been par for the course for so long, that the things you and I both talk about, are truly lost arts. We both are from cities with long and storied Black traditions; it was our people who gave America Style & Class.
Oh my, look how far we have fallen.
The other day I said, that the reason why I take the tack that I do is because the stakes are much higher for us than they are for White and other folk in American society; I need not count the ways to you, Ms. Jhane, or indeed, to anyone else here. Simply put, we can’t afford the kinds of stuff other folks can do. The things you and I are talking about, acted as a kind of shield and guide to keep us out of harm’s way, so to speak.
Not long after I set out on my personal mission to assist TRL did other Brothas begin showing up, both online and off; it was pretty clear to me that I had struck a chord. I have no books, no bootcamps, nothing to “sell”; all I have is a blog, and of course, I’m a guest here at VSB. But it’s enough to get the ball rolling, and besides, Brothas ain’t gonna buy books no way, we all know that, LOL. Nor are they gonna show up at the bootcamps where there ain’t nothing but White boys. The main reason why I do what I do here is because I know this is where a lot of Brothas are that need to hear what I’m saying. Just like the great prophet Jesus said you have to meet the people where they are, and just like the doctors of old used to make housecalls, well, I’m taking what I know in terms of the Art of Love and the Science of Seduction to the Brothas who need it most, in a way and idiom and medium that they are most amenable to and with.
And I think the same can be said of you.
I say all of that to say the following: we don’t need a brick and mortar building, or a grant, or a loan, or a book tour, or whatever, to do this thing. We have all the training, tools and talent, to do the job. We are only limited by our Will. You doing what you did above, is more than enough to get things started.
I’m dead serious about this idea of rallying morale to solve problems, as I said the other day – I mean, we are the people who made the House that the Founding Fathers built a Home; we are the people who broke the back of Jim Crow; we are the people who literally America its Soul in the form of rich arts like Jazz and Blues, Gospel and Funk, Hip Hop and R&B. And now, look at us. I mean, if that ain’t downright embarrassing, then such a word has no meaning.
Let me tell you what I see, when I see Very Smart Brothas – I see a rich braintrust of Black people – hands down the most formally educated, highly skilled and affluent that not only Black America, but America period, has ever known up to this point in time. And the point in time in which we are currently living, is one where we need every great idea we can get – that’s why I, as an American, was so deeply embarrassed by that Trump nonsense – not only because of his racism, which was bad enough, but also because here is a Man who is among the most successful businessmen in the world, at a time of great national economic crisis, and the best he can come up with in his bid for the presidency is to demand to see Mr. Obama’s birth certificate and suggest that he was an Affirmative Action admit at Harvard? Really? You mean to tell me that this Man couldn’t come up with some legitimate ideas as to how to fix the American economy? I mean, God, what a colossal embarrassment!
And when I look at us – Black folk now – I often see that same mindset manifest. You know, and I’ve said this before, the single biggest takeaway from my time being at bootcamps and lairs and the like in the Seduction community, was the sense of comradarie and “Brothers-in Arms” attitude that I saw amongst the White guys – something that doesn’t get anywhere near the kind of facetime that it should in the wider media whenever they cover the “PUA” scene. And I couldn’t help but notice the glaring ABSENCE of same in the hood, if you will, amongst Black Men. Simply put, for whatever reason, Brothas don’t do that. In many ways, it’s every Man for himself. Well, look how that’s worked out for us.
And in many ways, it’s the same on the Womanly side of things – White Women are known to kind of get together with their “Rules” clubs and the like; Sistas on the other hand, are kind of known for the opposite. Not the same degree of atomization amongst the Brothas, but not that far off either. Again, look how that’s worked for us.
I think it would be a wonderful thing if you and perhaps a few other Sistas got together here at VSB and perhaps along the lines of what you did in your home and whatnot, and talked about these “Charm School” things, because it is something that is desperately needed amongst the Sistahood – I mean, like Pronto. All of the things you and other Sistas in this thread have mentioned, need to be reinforced regularly and with clarity and specificity. And, just like Brothas gotta get over their hangups and pride and ego that’s making them dinosaur relics in the Information Age and in an Era of economically and educationally viable Womanhood, Sistas themselves have to resist swinging at the low hanging fruit of killing the messengers and being distracted by carnival barking articles and the like and keep their eyes on the prize of improving themselves so they can actually get the kinds of relationships that they long for.
I can handle things on this end with the Brothas. But for the job to really be done right, The Obsidian’s gonna need a few Good Sistas to pitch on on y’all side of things, too.
I think you’re one of them.
Let’s roll…
The Obsidian’s iPod is now playing: “Stakes is High”, by De La Soul
Obsidian…
I sincerely and graciously accept your apology and offer my appreciation for making me so angry that I became aware.
I didn’t know.
I will confess that I have become so complacent with the life I lead that it is easy to dismiss the bad public reputation of black women as propaganda.
I dismissed many brothas and their comments, considering them crass and vulgar boys who were incapable of mature thought or action.
I thought it was simply a question of socioeconomic class distinctions… that we sistas so often dismiss by saying “I ain’t that chick”… without acknowledging that chick is becoming us
And that hurts.
It hurts in a way that I can’t even articulate… where I have friends and family, my daughter who don’t want to be a ‘black woman’ any more.
Not because its hard… but because it unsavory.
And its an intellectual pain that I can’t articulate… but it hurt so bad that I laugh in public and cry when its just me.
I admit that I missed it… I was blind or distracted by something else… I’m so f*cking busy.
The black women that the media talked about weren’t my girls, friends, family… or were they I have to ask that question now.
Because I see…
My sister, my baby sister make the mistakes that get touted out by the masses in the media as being a black woman and I can’t inspire, influence, preach, bribe, cajole enough
Because I am so f*cking busy… I can’t
I don’t want to laugh at them… my sistas, my sister… and I… no that’s a lie.
Because the laughing makes me feel safe and secure in a there is more for me kinda way
Survival of the fittest is how we progress… right
“Oh my, look how far we have fallen.
The other day I said, that the reason why I take the tack that I do is because the stakes are much higher for us than they are for White and other folk in American society; I need not count the ways to you, Ms. Jhane, or indeed, to anyone else here. Simply put, we can’t afford the kinds of stuff other folks can do. The things you and I are talking about, acted as a kind of shield and guide to keep us out of harm’s way, so to speak.”
I would implore you Obsidian to speak soft sometime so that we sistas can hear you.
If you are sincere in that you mean us no harm… speak soft.
We startle easy… even when we don’t mean to
My brothas we need you… to speak soft.
We get so much tough love from the world that it has made us hard… and we need your kindness that is not placating or condescending
We sistas give and love so hard and we need more carrot than stick
Love is lacking in many of our lives… and we really don’t desire codling but we need you, implore you to be getle with us
Our hearts, at times have seen too much action.
So let’s call a truce and fight crime together.
Because we need each other to reciprocate love to stave off our extinction
Yes we sistas have f*cked up and will f*ck up…
And you brothas have f*cked up and will f*ck up
But I am here today asking for amnesty for US… the very smart black sisats and brothas.
Let’s start today and take it one day at a time.
We can look at the statistics that are merely a snapshot of reality taken from a limited perspective at a particular point in time and do something different
Today let’s acknowledge that the problem is that reality is fluid and it can change.
We can and we want to change…
Don’t we
Today we will understand that while we should never look to exceptions to be the rule, can we acknowledge that if we never look at them we are never inspired to pioneer our ideas and dreams
The statistics say that you nor I should ever win… but here we are tying and winning
Because if we remain complacent with the status quo we never make the mistakes that help us to grow and change
Pretty please, with lots of sugar on it can we, the very smart brothas and sistas have just one day
Just one day
Where my ninja Jay Z and I can indulge our Achilles’ heel… love
Where we fight crime together.
So I say to you Obsidian and all my other very, very, very smart brothas and sistas that I am willing to lay down arms…
I personally pledge to discuss, debate, fight and die for how we can make this work and get better.
But only if we lead with love ~JS
Playing Aimee Mann – Pavlov’s Bell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr08SIHELV8
wtf is wrong with you two blogging up in the comments today? take this mess to email.
for once, O didn’t even start it.
Hahahahaha
^ AWE(and then)SOME.
@Ms. Liz,
“wtf is wrong with you two blogging up in the comments today? take this mess to email.
for once, O didn’t even start it.”
” just pointing it out for those who complain about the ‘blogging in the comments’. It’s not just O who does it (or who starts it) lol. And, it’s actually OKAY TO DO IT.”
O:
My deepest thanks. This is a very important conversation to have.
O.
Ms. Jhane,
“I would implore you Obsidian to speak soft sometime so that we sistas can hear you.
If you are sincere in that you mean us no harm… speak soft.
We startle easy… even when we don’t mean to
My brothas we need you… to speak soft.”
O: Yes, this I can do. This I can do.
Y’all Sistas put up a mean front, you know that?
Alright, let’s get to work…
O.
May I just add that I was watching 40 Year-old Vir.gin this weekend and old boy said “the problem with most guys is they don’t know how to talk to women” and I thought about Obsidian! LOL
Funny cuz i was watching Hitch and I thought about Obsidian.
@Squeak,
“Funny cuz i was watching Hitch and I thought about Obsidian.”
O: While I greatly appreciate the props, I cannot claim any credit along “Hitch” lines; that’s my ace PCB’s ballywick. And I hear he’s pretty good at it, too.
No, my specialty is in getting the Brothas up to speed *before* they get “Hitched”; knowing what to say and how to say it and when; logistics of the venue/date; body language and so on.
But again, biggups for the kudos!
O.
*Takes a bow*
O.
“If you are sincere in that you mean us no harm… speak soft. We startle easy… even when we don’t mean to. My brothas we need you… to speak soft. We get so much tough love from the world that it has made us hard… and we need your kindness that is not placating or condescending. We sistas give and love so hard and we need more carrot than stick.”
Ms. Jhane, that is incredibly profound. But next time, please try not to make me tear up in my cubicle. Thanks. =)
This here made me cry.
I’ve never been to charm school, but me and etiquette go back like carseats. I am probably the most cultured and well-traveled (sad considering how little I’ve seen) individual on my mother’s side of the family and I even though I can code-switch with the best of them, I often feel uncomfortable around my own family because I’m treated almost like some sort of exhibit.
On Sunday my size 24/26 19-year-old cousin showed up at my uncle’s house wearing a too little tube top w/ a (non-strapless) bra and shorts so short that they looked painful to wear, let alone move around in. My cousins, aunts, sister, and mother, nominated me to stage an wardrobe intervention but I felt it wasn’t the appropriate time or place to do so and because I wasn’t prepared to give the girl any unsolicited advice I didn’t know where to start so I didn’t say anything at all. Jhane, how do you think I could broach the subject?
“On Sunday my size 24/26 19-year-old cousin showed up at my uncle’s house wearing a too little tube top w/ a (non-strapless) bra and shorts so short that they looked painful to wear, let alone move around in. My cousins, aunts, sister, and mother, nominated me to stage an wardrobe intervention but I felt it wasn’t the appropriate time or place to do so and because I wasn’t prepared to give the girl any unsolicited advice I didn’t know where to start so I didn’t say anything at all. Jhane, how do you think I could broach the subject?”
@ AtypicalLibrarian…
I think that this is a case for the women of the village to come together to stage this intervention, because you going in solo may seem like you are alone in your opinion
I think that a respected matriarch such as her mother or grandmother should initiate the conversation and state the problem and the role of other women from your family should be there to offer concrete, executable solutions… the focus of the conversation should be what is appropriate and flattering, avoid passing judgement on the person, just focus on the clothes.
I had the same situation with a family member a few years ago, she ripped the Beyonce look from the Crazy in Love video.. booty shorts, pumps and a hot pink tank, complete with blond microbraids.
The end result was not appropriate and mos def not flattering.
I lead by example… so when I had my talk with her I had on a similar look that she would admire but was age and figure appropriate for me but still let me get my grown and sexy on… in other words garner positive male attention
This was important because she wears a larger dress size and we are built differently and I didn’t want her think that I didn’t understand what look she was trying to achieve or that I was trying to make her feel bad about her size
So I did my best What Not to Wear thing and started by highlighting her best features flawless skin, legs for days, a rack some chicks have to pay for.
I showed her that she could wear a short that showed a good amount of leg in her size… and that by wearing the correct size she would actually look smaller because she wouldn’t get the muffin top and it would give her but a rounder appearance… so she would look “thick” which was her goal.
That a great fitting bra would make the girls sit up and give her more waist definition and take care of the back bubbles, and that 2 sided tape would keep her bra strap from slipping
A thicker heel with a platform or a wedge would balance her more than a skinny heeled stiletto.
And lastly I got her to try out some different shades of human hair that would be much more flattering to her skin tone, so she could get the effect of having light around her face, and I told her this was the effect that Bey was creating with her hair color.
It wasn’t quite magical but it greatly improved the situation and while she still wears things that I wouldn’t pick for her she is appropriately dressed and improving.
Really hope this helps ~JS
@Ms. Jhane, @Ms. Librarian,
Just wanted to 100% endorse both your comments, and if I may, add the following…
In my view, I do not think many Sistas truly understand how the minds of Brothas really and truly works. Men are much more influenced by what they see, more than anything else; there’s all kinds of evolutionary science on the topic for anyone who wishes to look into it further, but to sum up very briefly, Men evolved in such a way that their visual-spatial senses and the like are much more developed and attuned than are Womens’, which greatly aided them in such tasks as hunting and warring, both of which required being able to accurately hit targets, sometimes moving targets, over considerable distances. The cues that Women “give off” – such as hair length, bust/behind size and so forth, are ways Men use to gauge your fecundity.
But, you see, it doesn’t stop there. As I’ve noted a number of times in this forum, both Men and Women have short and longterm mating strategies, based primarily on what each brings to the evolutionary table. For Women, evolutionary science has unearthed the fact that Women with pretty faces tend to get more chances for longer term mates than their sisters with more, shall we say, homlier faces. And that’s even after you control for the “hotness” of their bodies – in fact, a Woman with a really pretty face but a so-so body will fare better in the LTR-SMP than a Woman with the reverse.
So, when Women do what Ms. Librarian’s kinfolk did, what they’re saying is that they’re a “DTF Chick” – I trust I need not spell out what the acronym means. She is signalling to any guys in the round, that she’s game for short term mating – or what we call in today’s dating world parlance, a Pump & Dump. While there is nothing morally wrong with STR mating, the problem is that I don’t think many Women truly understand what they’re doing when they go about in the manner that Ms. Librarian’s kin do – then, they wonder why they get, well, Pumped & Dumped.
In mating terms, what Men see is immediately sorted in the Poon Centers of the brain, and then said information is sent where it needs to be accordingly. When a Brotha see a Sista presented in such a manner as described by Ms. Librarian above, what said Brotha sees is immediately relayed to the Pump & Dump subsection of the Poon Center of his brain, and then further relayed to the other “brain” downstairs. And it ends there. Indeed, scientific research has shown that only an estimated 30% of ALL “hookups” actually lead to LTRs. So, Sistas doing what Ms. Librarian’s lady kin did, is such a bad bet for a LTR, assuming of course she and/or ladies like her/them are looking for such a thing (and again we have all manner of research and study that proves undeniably that more often than not, Women ARE looking for such a thing), they have a better shot at winning against the house in one of the casinos at Vegas or Atlantic City than employing a mating strategy that is on its face, inherently contra to getting an LTR. What Ms. Jhane prescribes ups a Sista’s chances for getting an LTR considerably, if for no other reason than it puts as much emphasis on a Sista’s face as possible – the key component in making a Sista Wifey, or a Jumpoff.
Just wanted to add that.
Good stuff!
O.
“What Ms. Jhane prescribes ups a Sista’s chances for getting an LTR considerably, if for no other reason than it puts as much emphasis on a Sista’s face as possible – the key component in making a Sista Wifey, or a Jumpoff.”
I agree that for single women looking for LTR it is really helpful to understand the science of attraction.
Like flirting with the 5 second smile, where you see a guy checking you out and you make eye contact and smile to the count of 5 or how once your in a LTR how to do the 10 second kiss… where before you say anything to your man you kiss him for a full 10 seconds everytime you reconnect after a significant time apart.
Both techniques work really well
I had a kind of perfect storm experience when I was in my late teens, I worked in an upscale salon where part of her customer service and sales training involved seminars in social dynamics, and attending learning annex type classes like Light His Fire (which was targeted to married women) and How to Marry a Millionaire.
I didn’t get it at first but I did find that it was applicable to my business in that I was part of team beauty for the women who were either with or wanted to be with men of a certain caliber. So my bosses strategy was that I needed to understand what men found attractive in order to best advise the customer.
At the same time in college I was taking a class in gender communications and we had to read a book call You Just Don’t Understand and we discussed at a much deeper more scientific level beyond the Venus vs Mars the different ways in which men and women communicate.
The purpose of this class was to help both actors and writers with character development and voice.
I’d never really given these experiences much thought, or looked at how this information might be tailored to black women.
I don’t mention it much even socially because I know a lot of sistas feel overdosed on self-help, but I will say that the women I know who do/did the Rules seminars, and such have much greater social success.
One woman I know took a class in high school specific to gender relations and communications tailored for black folks… she still says that the class was interesting and wishes she could have taken it at a college level.
The other interesting thing about these classes is that many of them don’t cover the typical advice found in women’s magazines… they are much more in depth, strategic and tactical.
Like they focus more on women knowing how to find LTR partners by focusing on the balance between two people, one program focused on helping women identify what personality characteristics a man should have that would best match hers, and how best to connect with such a man.
I think some women are skeptical because they think of it as doing too much, so as I said I usually don’t bring it up. ~JS
Thanks, Obsidian! Your comment will definitely help me talk to my little cousin.
You reminded me of the bigger picture in that it’s not so much as how she physically looks, but as how she is perceived by others. She pretty much has two looks: sexed up and slovenly. There is no in-between and I think and hope that I can help her. Thanks again!
Thanks, Jhane. I didn’t realize you responded until today. You make some good points and offer some great advice so I’m going to talk to get some of our womenfolk together to help this girl.
My mother is the matriarch of our family since my grandmother and oldest aunt have passed. Her health has been failing and I don’t think she’d be up to leading the task. It was partially her idea for me to do it. I was nominated because of my age (not “old” in my cousin’s 19-year-old eyes), my style (I can dress sassy, but classy), and the fact that many people in our family, younger and older, respect and admire me for my accomplishments and decision-making abilities. My cousin’s mother (my mother’s sister-in-law) is a hotmess.com. I actually fear that one of those “is this your cousin?” email forwards will feature her picture. Her mother doesn’t particularly care for me and thinks that I think I’m all that.I know she’s not going to be pleased when I speak to my cousin. Somebody should say something and your comment has given me an excellent starting point. ‘Preciate it!
@ Jhane Sez:
Re: “My daughter has been taught at home and a group of sistas I know got together and hired a pageant trainer to do a boot camp for our girls this summer and into their senior year.
And it was a task to find someone suitable.
We had to limit the number of the group to 12, and I can’t tell you how many mothers have come to me begging for a spot because they can’t afford private lessons.”
Business opportunity!
Gold!
Cosign!
Also – even though it’s hot, those spanx/girdles/control top panties are still your friend..
@Ms. StilSuga,
O: 100% agreed. In fact, I understand those “Spanx” undergarments are quite a bit more comfortable than the more traditional girdles of our Nana’s era. Ahh, the wonders of modern technology…
O.
Yes, yes, yes!!!!! They are always a friend. Or at least always my friend. Never leave home without them!
At your request, for my larger sisters I feel the need to add:
Please stop wearing your belt tucked under your stomach. Additionally, please stop wearing short-shorts with a belt tucked under your hanging stomach because your stomach is big but your legs aren’t and you feel the need to show your legs. This is the wrong way to go about this.
Thank you.
Let’s just stop wearing them santa clause belts period. I don’t know who started that sh*t, but send them to me, so I can *throat punch* them.
Kthxbye.
LMAO at santa claus belts.
Just yes, that is exactly what some of them look like.
I just wanna tell you I’m stealing Plush Diva.
*snickers*
Most ladies who are TeamChunk should already know this, it’s in the handbook you get at the meetings.
and no tight jeans/pants/shorts. Swamp a$$ is disgusting
My only tip is: don’t bring that one friend who can’t hold their liquor. Last summer, I went to an outdoor birthday party and some lawn chairs were about to get moved around cause one simple ass h0e got drunk off a Smirnoff cooler & got smart w/the b-day girl. Leave the ninja @ home if you know they get all slappy after one drink, save everyone else the drama.
Amen!
Better to get slappy than stabby. Bloodstains are hella hard to get out. So I’ve heard.
hydrogen peroxide
…lol
Bleach
Make sure to use cold water when washing out those stab wound bloodstains lol
+1
+2
Ladies and Gentleman…please shave EVERYWHERE
I don’t need to go any further.
Fellas if you are going to wear no shirts…please shave those nasty chest hairs
Just shave (I feel a visual coming on…and I really don’t want any nightmares right now.)
Shave my chest hair? Naw… I’m gonna let my Taco Meat do what it do. LOL
You don’t have to shave e’rythang but trim it up, lest you look reminiscent of Allen Payne in Jason’s Lyric.
Ugh *shudders*
Curly chest hairs (in patches) are kinda gross…
So whats a brotha to do?… Use NuNile or Dax the night before and sleep face down in a small t-shirt in hopes to get chest hair waves?
Avon Skin So Soft hair removal cream – $8.00 and works in 5 mins, leaving it all nice and smooth…
*DEAD*
LMAO…uhm, no, just groom dude.
No need for chest stubble (did I spell that right???), but alternately there is no need for cheat hair crawling out of the shirt looking like a neck tie.
Cut it down, that’s all
“Shave my chest hair? Naw… I’m gonna let my Taco Meat do what it do. LOL”
Nobody wants to subject brothas to razor bumps on the chest, but a little clipper buzz would greatly improve things for some.
Just saying ~JS
Clippers? Naw. I’ma get mine in some zig zag corn rows
*Mario’s “Braid My Hair” plays in the background*
Yaaaaaas!
I’m in the deep South and its already well into the 90s so the dress code has been relaxed at work. One of my coworkers came in w/ a sleeveless dress on but hadn’t shaved her pits. Talk about ewwww!
Imma need people to know the difference between an Adult BBQ and a FAMILY BBQ. Parents please do not bring your bad azz kids to the adult function. You tha only one here with kids running around with nothin to do but watch grown ups flirt, get they drank on talk ish and play spades….Please do betta.
Hello.
It’s nothing worse than to have some fresh kids causing holy h*ll and chaos at a cookout
-____-
worst experience I’ve ever had was someone’s child discovering there was a liquor cooler and a soda/water cooler. Needless to say said child virtually ended the cookout due to overconsumption of wine coolers and a trip to the ER.
I would have left the little booger laying on his/her stomach so as not to choke on their own vomit and kept my party going.
#AndTheBeatGoesOn
Thats just evil…yet I can’t stop laughing
These were all great tips. A few to add:
1. Hydrate. Nothing beats water.
2. If your skin laughs at lotion, don’t be afraid of more emollient body butters or souffle’s. Depenmding on consistency issues, you can put it in the refrigerator to keep it firm and so it applies cool.
3. Breathable fabrics in the heat are your friend.
4. Fellas, please stop treating your feet as an afterthought. As with women, they are part of your body. You can show them some TLC without compromising your masculinity. A pumice stone and/or sugar or salt scrub (or a handmade one with sugar and honey, raw oatmeal and honey, or olive oil and fine sugar or salt ) is everyone’s friend.
Oh, and when wearing white, flesh toned undies the color of YOUR skin tone work better than black drizzies. The black undies under your white, just makes your white look dirty.
Someone needs to make a public announcement; I see many women that still don’t understand this.
I agree. Who even started the black under white over?
or worse wearing white undies under white UGH!
I once saw a woman wearing all white… White pants, white undies and white maxi pad showing through. YUCK!
And there goes my lunch.
or hot pink bra/panties. These bishes do that on purpose. TACKY
That one is the worst!
*checks to see if my hot pink drawz is showing*
Oh thank gawd I’m wearing dark brown. *snicker*
I LOVE nude hued undies period esp the seamless joints, with white with whatever all year round. but I do love color also.
Salt, sugar, honey, oatmeal? It sounds like you’re baking cookies.
How ’bout if I just clip the toenails and hit ‘em up once a day with body wash?
LOL. I was offering inexpensive home remedies. Especially if some men feel some kind of way.
As long as you are able to exfoliate the dead skin, along with clipping the nails, you are all to the good.
I’m just in favor of the feet not being the stepchild of body care. They hold your (not you specifically, but generally as in everyone) entire body up and move you from place to place. Show em’ some love! 
You know how I know it’s late? Because I read: I’m just in flavor of the feet…
…still with all your talk of sugar cookie ingredients I feel as though you should at least take half the blame… it’s only right.
No. LOL!
Your number 4 is the TRUTH.
Men’s feet need love too
“1. Hydrate. Nothing beats water.”
As an H20 stan (*throws up gang signs*), I approve this addition, wholeheartedly.
Wear the deodorant that goes on clear
If you’re going to throw a cookout, make sure your man on the grill can actually cook, please? No fun when you’re hungry and trying to choose between the burgers that can double as charcoal briquets or chicken that could still make a Red Cross donation.
LOL!! @ “burgers that can double as charcoal briquets” It’s tough when you leave a cookout still hungry.
Yes yes and more yes! I know a guy right now that has been banned from the grill. Chicken undercooked and everything else burnt. No type of in between. Lol
I can’t get with the “no white”. I love my white linen pants in the summer!
Ladies! Just cover it up! Whatever IT is! I don’t wanna see your gut, butt, backboobies, front boobies, cellulite, cooch…put on some damn clothes! That fit! And for crissake! If you got to wear that lil tiny dress. Put on some panties!
Remember tuckin in your bra straps don’t make your bra strapless, it makes your boobies sag and that just ain’t cute. This however is not a license to go braless. Particularly if you are bigger than a C cup or any cup if your girls don’t sit up on their own. How will you know? If your nipples point downward, you need to put on a bra, that compliments your outfit.
Year round…Spanx are your friend. Your muffin top ain’t cute!
And if you can’t walk in the heels you think you should wear, you just shouldn’t wear them. Those shoes might be real cute, but you ruin em, when you clonkin around and “ouch” walkin the whole night
Lastly ladies, just be a friend. If you see your girl (smell your girl) and she ain’t right, let her know. Make some suggestions. Better you to tell her than people like me who will stare and laugh (I won’t point, that’s just rude) and then tell a friend who will stare and laugh.
Amen, Sista. Amen.
Charm School definitely helps here…
O.
…or just a lil bit of tact
Which is not race specific last time I checked…
Uh, YES, it is a bit “race-specific”. Here, let me help you:
Loud cell-phone talker removed from quiet car by police
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110518/us_yblog_thelookout/loud-cell-phone-talker-removed-from-quiet-car-by-police
This is a problem Sistas need to aggressively confront – as aggressively and with the same warp-speed velocity they took on Kanazawa last week or so.
Charm School. It works. Good for Sistas. Good for the country.
O.
Nah, that’s just the ones that make the news. It’s not something only we do. Trust, I know, I actually ride a train with a designated quiet car….
Spanx in the summer is not a friend to anyone. Like a wrapped sausage…no bueno.
Just wear stuff that fits and if it doesn’t, leave it at the store. And if all else fails, work out. It works wonders…no really, it does.
They’re a temporary fix to a long term problem.
I think for a couple hours, they’re okay in the summer
I agree. When it’s hot, the tummy-suckers are not comfortable. And you know you’re going to be eating. Being packed in AND hot = grumpy a$$ women. Just let your stomach hang for the day.
The white is tricky. You know it gets dirty. If you’re going to be outside, that’s just a hassle. Also- everyone doesn’t know what undergarments are supposed to be worn with white. White requires skin toned undergarments. I hate seeing women’s p.a.nties and bras through their clothes (when they shouldn’t be seen). Conversly, I’m not offended by a bra strap- I appreciate the effort and it’s hot. If you got biggun’s and you need to wear a tank top I assume I’ll see a strap. It should be roughly the size of your tank top strap though.
I think we know that we need to wear skin toned undergarments, I just think we are misinformed as to what “skin toned” means. I have seen far too many of our girls in the “nude” colored tights. And for most of us, they aren’t nude.
When I was younger my mom told me to always wear a black bra under a white shirt. And that doesn’t work either.
For most of us, the color we need is brown. The problem is brown isn’t sexy or widely available. So we compromise.
When one lady compromises, we all lose.
gray also works… especially under shirts =)
you can wear white…but if you know its gonna rain and the white you have on is inappropriate when its NOT raining, well…imagination is a many splendid thing. allow the rest of us to use ours is all im saying.
1. If you are guest at someone else’s house, respect their house. Don’t go in there breakin’ ish changing the setting on their a.c., clogging the toilet – that’s EXACTLY how you don’t get invited back
2. Young people, I know we live in the 140 characters or less say it fast, do it faster age… but if there is an elder in the house (i.e. someone who lived through the Civil Rights era, and marched for your right to vote), let them make their plate first. It’s really not much to ask. You CAN actually wait, you’re just not used to doing it.
3. If you play with the dog, go wash your hands. You are not playing with the dog and touching anything food related.
4. Just put the dip on your plate. That way we don’t even have to have a discussion about “double dipping”
5. It doesn’t cost you anything to thank the host and other cook out participants for their hospitality on your way out. So just do it.
6. No such thing as “one for the road” when it comes to drinks. Get your drinks as soon as your arrive, and put some food on top of it, and a lot of time in between before you drive. DUI is not cute or funny.
7. Leave your politics at home. You believe in cap and trade? Good for you. We don’t care. Pass the Grey Goose. It’s a cook out, not a Lincoln styled debate.
This list is pure excellence. I very much agree with everythang!
Yes it is!
That number 1 is serious. A couple of chicks I didn’t know from Adam were all up and through my fridge… I had to tell them “Umm, no, the food is ON the table”… Thankyouverymuch.
FOR REAL!?!?!? wow, no home training…lol
“7. Leave your politics at home. You believe in cap and trade? Good for you. We don’t care. Pass the Grey Goose. It’s a cook out, not a Lincoln styled debate.”
O: I don’t know about that, DQ. I’ve attended MANY such events, gatherings and the like, where we’ve had quite stimulating “Lincoln styled debates”. Perhaps that’s a statement of who we all each hangout with, I don’t know; I just know that it’s quite possible to be among a bunch of Black folk having a great time socially AND talk some serious politics and other things that actually makes one think. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Although I will say, that the one time where discussion of political issues and the like are maladaptive and a bad idea generally, is when a Man is conduction Seduction Operations and running Game…
O.
I was at 2 cook outs yesterday… and we talked about a RANGE of interesting topics going from
Standard Deviations, confidence intervals, and normal distributions to the worst alcohol we drank when we were kids (Cisco, Thunderbird, and MD20/20 obviously made the list). I love a debate, and I love a political debate, but there’s a time and place for everything. The cook out is not the time or place for the pro-life and pro-choice crowd to go at it. Leave that at home.
i tend to think that there’s a time and place for everything and here’s the rule of thumb: don’t be trying to force deep convos where deep convos don’t fit. if somebody wants to talk about black holes and teh presence of inertia, cool…but if we just want to talk about that one time at bandcamp and pr0n…live and let live…
A friend of mine had a cable guy come out to her house, ask to use her bathroom and lit it up!
Some people have that “everybody does it” attitude and don’t have a problem with pooing anywhere. That’s just nasty
(Just for the record though, I’m a lady. I don’t poo)
This is the reason I could never pass charm school.
Lol
Yes, I can see why as well…Lord help us all…
O.
That’s gotta be uncomfortable.
If you have to go and you’re at a house party, why not? Unless you live around the corner, it makes sense to go than to hold it and be uncomfortable all day long.
With that said, there is bathroom “blow up” etiquette that needs to be adhered to. Courtesy flushes, bringing your own baby wipes and VENTILATION (the fan isn’t just there to make noise in the bathroom people) all are must do’s.
If any one of those aren’t done, then…uhm, yeah. No bueno.
@DG I agree with this list 100%. I would also like to add…. Please limit the amount of plates your taking home….I would say to only 1 if you must. My cousin invited his girlfriend to one of our family cookouts and and she packed up about 3-4 plates AND didnt bring anything (not even a d#mn soda)!
Sorry I mean @ DQ
It’s ok, we share credit/blame on this site. I’ve taken credit for stuff he’s said before. it’s all good.
#1- YES- and please don’t let your kids tear up stuff, throw stuff, pick up stuff and laugh like it’s OK. Or just call his/her name and wait for him/her to act right. I will sit your baby out the door.
“3. If you play with the dog, go wash your hands. You are not playing with the dog and touching anything food related.”
Please wash your hands period. Pour the chips into your plate, don’t put your hand in the bag. The same goes with food in a bowl, scoop/grab with a utensil or pour.
7. Leave your politics at home. You believe in cap and trade? Good for you. We don’t care. Pass the Grey Goose. It’s a cook out, not a Lincoln styled debate.
Not sure about this one. It happens too often to stop.
LMAO…
But you ain’t lying though.
This was for Imperfect’s comment. I don’t know what happened here…
Oh Gawd how can I forget.
Bikers. Ruffriders, whateve. I know it’s nice outside, the sun is out, the wind is ripe for riding. You wanna show off your new Kawasumthin and your girl who both of you mistakenly believe is “hot”, wants to hop on the back donning her newest sundress. But I’ll be Got damned if I’m driving on Lake Shore Dr, and damn near get into an accident cause I’ve been blinded by her two discolored, dimpled butt cheeks while you weave through traffic again! Tell that bish to either put on some bottoms, or WALK!
Your Sister In Christ,
Misty Knight
ROFLMAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO
You just reminded me of some summers in Philly where some women intentionally wore nothing but g-strings, and thongs on purpose. Or they were naked under a basketball jersey. Accidents almost happened because of guys swerving to get a better view.
For the record, no shade. I still love Philly.
As an Illadelph native, hearing you say that is a comfort indeed…
O.
Philly natives, PLEASE purty PLEASE help a newcomer out! I need some new hot spots for VSBs and VSSs. Old city is getting….old lol
If I’m not mistaken Dimaati provided you with some suggestions when you asked last week. Did you see that comment?
The moshulu is gonna off the chain this Saturday
That is just outright trife bird behavior right there. But it never fails, every summer I inadvertently bare witness to some woman’s horrid bare ashen arse cheeks! usually on the back of bikes, and I always react like Sampson from Half Baked when ole girl boobs popped out
I swerve to get a better view, privately admonish myself and then get back to swerving….sometimes a ninja just wants to see.
I love birds, they require no game and make me feel better when I reject them because they secretly disgust me. Sue me for being judgmental. Me No Care.
I’ve nearly crashed looking at/for women while driving on the beach front….They should do something to fix that. Its easier to put the fault on them and I’d much rather do that.
P.S. I got jury duty and I just can’t not….misdemeanor or not I haven’t committed any crimes yet and I don’t wanna start now. Momma said there’d be days like this and then she laughed in my face. My momma mean y’all. lol
I swerve to get a better view, privately admonish myself and then get back to swerving….sometimes a ninja just wants to see.
I love birds, they require no game and make me feel better when I reject them because they secretly disgust me. Sue me for being judgmental. Me No Care.
I’ve nearly crashed looking at/for women while driving on the beach front….They should do something to fix that. Its easier to put the fault on them and I’d much rather do that.
P.S. I got jury duty and I just can’t not….misdemeanor or not I haven’t committed any crimes yet and I don’t wanna start now. Momma said there’d be days like this and then she laughed in my face. My momma mean y’all. lol
“I love birds, they require no game and make me feel better when I reject them because they secretly disgust me. Sue me for being judgmental. Me No Care”
Things that make you go hmmmmm……
things that make you go mmmmm.
It’s still a visual fail here in Philly I’m afraid, smdh!!
*Lmao*, oh summertime in the Chi, you bring out the best and the worst in fashion and decision making.
LOL!! I’m sure the men in your city would loudly disparage this request.
#NosyPost
1) Is Panama Jackson’s b-day actually on the 2nd or is that just the party?
2) When are Liz’s boobs celebrating their birthdays?
DEAD
Goodnight.
The cracks on my boobs are no longer funny. please stop.
P turns 32 on the 3rd.
I turn 30 on the 6th.
I wholely admit to missing the sarcasm here if there is any. I could have sworn that running joke was about Admin Liz.
sigh. it is. it’s still not funny to me (anymore), wip. nobody will know this unless i say something about it.
ps i am admin liz, im just not logged in, so diff avatar.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Noted.
Definitely had no idea it wasn’t cool, Liz. I’ll respect this because I can’t have Liz NOT in an infectious laughing mood.
People see the cute face and forget that Liz is a goon. If she ain’t happy, ain’t none of us gonna be happy.
true…and I’m laughing at WIP not realizing that it’s Liz due to her new avi. lol I take the black/white avi Liz waaay more seriously than the long hur don’t cur Liz. lol
i thought it was funny too. i changed my avi to this one so folks can stop being confused.
sorry WIP!
It’s OK. I ain’t shame. (How about you just delete my comment LOL)
oh it wasn’t deemed uncool until last week LOL, so no worries. the only reason I said something was cuz it was brought up lol.
the joke was originally funny because champ would talk about them even tho he had no point of reference about my boobs cuz we’d never met in person. my anonymous boobs were fine for him to joke about. after we met IRL, i still went with it, but now that tons of people (i.e. as we keep growing) dont even know who i am on VSB, i’d rather them not find out about my existence solely due to the boob jokes. that’s all. im sure theres lots of chick logic here, but yeah. the only person who could do the joke was champ, until his time expired.
@Ms. Liz,
“P turns 32 on the 3rd.”
O: *Scans the stars for that date* Mr. Jackson is quite a bit more profound than he lets on…
“I turn 30 on the 6th.”
O: All hail the Queen!
O.
#6 – Don’t just bring anything. I hate it when a single guy will show up with a bag of potato chips, maybe even a single-serve bag, and think he’s contributing. I’ve made ribs AND chicken. Somebody else has made a their great-grandmother’s secret recipe cake from scratch! You brought two cases of good beer. You’re cousin made potato salad AND the macaroni salad with tuna fish in it. And, you think that you”re making a contribution with potato chips?!? Don’t be cheap!
And, you know that this same cheap a** is going to ask to make TWO plates to go home cause you know, “Pookie couldn’t come.” No. Just no.
LOL @ someone bringing a single-serving bag to the barbeque. That’s a good way to get cussed out.
Also, for those who are visiting metropolitan cities (New York, Chicago, etc.), please don’t stop in the middle of the damn sidewalk and begin to snap pics or to marvel @ something like the lil boys who play the makeshift drums on State St. It annoys the hell outta me when you guys hold up the flow of foot traffic when you abruptly stop to do your touristy stuff.
So what should the tourists do if they need to get that picture of boys playing drums?
A good suggestion is to stay out the flow of foot traffic, stand against a wall, & take a picture. If you can’t do that, then wait till the flow of foot traffic is light then take a picture.
Exactly. I don’t mind that people want to take pictures, I just hate when they suddenly stop when there are about 30 other people (including me) walking behind them. You will get your @ss knocked down messing w/me…
And they STAY doing this during rush hour times. Some of them have like NO excuse, because even though you may be a tourist, you still know when airbody rushing to go to work. Get out the dayum WAY!
Girl, especially when you’re about 5 mins away from the job. Hate when I’m a few mins late when I was only 2 feet from the job…
Summa time thangs??!
Well, in the Evergreen state…
Our police are low key brutal and racist…(the people actively contribute to that ignorance)
Meth users think nobody knows or notices (We do and we think you are gross-what part of the game is scabs on your face?)
Fake gangsters….rolling twenty deep and still scary as a poodle puppy in a pitbull party…I hate these ninjas as I am almost always solo and merely wise enough not to P*ss the electric fence of a n***a moment into being, they look for the action out of fear as if starting the dominoes to falling is a good thing. If you ain’t rah rah, pick up a book and read NINJAS
I don’t understand my list but I enjoyed writing it…I don’t even know how I figured this went in the topic…because I read it, twice….insecurity and all…but this is what I came up with…if it sounded good do it twice…if it sounded bad…avoid like the social leper I’m about to become behind this comment……oooooh weeeee…errr….YEeeeeaaaaaahhh(Macho)
Spike Jonze fan?
Fair enough.
Um, hmm…
1. Next.
2. Agreed. Scoping the territory is always a good idea. It’s also good to find possible escape routes in case a melee of some type occurs.
3. I have no idea why people don’t do this.
4. Especially not linen or some other type of thin material – especially not lace. Lace? Who wears lace out? Some woman at this club I went to Saturday night…regular shirt and lime green lace shorts.
5. Next.
6. Isn’t this true for all seasons, with the possible exception being fruit cake at Christmas parties?
7. Next.
B. Given where the “next” comments are placed, this person might be me…except I wouldn’t put one’s business out there like that. Now if you made a questionable fashion decision, I might spend a few characters here or there.
What else…
1. Get your summer blockbuster movie tickets early – this is important for various reasons. In the 954, for example, many movie theaters are built so that you purchase your tickets outside. Standing outside in the heat is obviously not the business. Also not the business to wait in line for half an hour, even without the heat. Most importantly, you don’t want to be the one who’s stuck in the front row because you got there late (this happened with an ex when we saw X2: I said “never again” and it hasn’t happened in the eight years since).
2. Bring your own towel/blanket/etc. to the beach – a couple years ago, I brought a towel on a beach trip to lay out and hopefully invite a female someone else to do the same. I went to throw around a football and came back to see a dude on my towel. I was 38.
3. Conveniently misplace your car keys/cash/etc. at the family gathering – if you don’t, you’ll end up broke and you won’t have any gas in your car to get home. And avoid the drunk uncle who wants a ride to the store, but makes your car smell of alcohol and cigarettes.
4. Check your car’s A/C…well, probably today – I ride with the windows down often, but I do so by choice. Being in a car with no A/C in the summer, especially in the south, is not the best of ideas.
5. Shower within half an hour of leaving your house – this one is really easy if you plan well. I think some folks above have also mentioned this, and have gotten into the consequences of not doing so.
6. Wait until after Memorial Day to go to Miami – I’ve heard quite a few accounts (most of them negative) about this past weekend down there. It looks just as good throughout the summer, and the potential for foolishness is much lower. Probably cheaper, too.
“I went to throw around a football and came back to see a dude on my towel. I was 38″
I can’t stop laughing! It’s so gross. What did you tell the dude and did you use the towel after that?
“Conveniently misplace your car keys/cash/etc. at the family gathering – if you don’t, you’ll end up broke and you won’t have any gas in your car to get home.”
Ha!!
#5- Yes, this is the key to staying cool. Shower as close to the event as possible and only lotion the joints.
“Especially not linen or some other type of thin material – especially not lace. Lace? Who wears lace out?”
Ummm I bought this exact dress for summer. Its cute and cool….why not lace ?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_NBQijxlOt-g/TD9MKKhZWdI/AAAAAAAAAKc/PRaRJ31HVTE/s1600/dvf-lace-crochet-dress_spring-20091.jpg
@Girl Kanyeshrug: I didn’t tell him anything (damage had already been done, so it seemed pointless)…certainly did not use the towel. I wrapped it up, threw it in the back, and washed it the first chance I got. Re: the dress…that’s not bad. It’s mostly solid print. What I saw Saturday was more of the see-through variety. I thought the woman left her pants at home and just decided to go out anyway.
@WIP: Learned about the car/cash thing through experience. And you are not lying on the lotion: it pretty much melts everywhere else. Amazes me how many people don’t realize that.
LOL, I wonder where all these folks talking about lotion live? All that lotion is gonna do is have you sliding all over the plastic chairs. Use a little lotion/oil/gel as possible because when you get hot all that stuff will melt. Sweat will keep you from looking ashy. Now AFTER water activities, lotion may be mandatory because you will look like you’ve been dusted in powdered sugar.
“Wait until after Memorial Day to go to Miami – I’ve heard quite a few accounts (most of them negative) about this past weekend down there. It looks just as good throughout the summer, and the potential for foolishness is much lower. Probably cheaper, too.”
I, on behalf of Miami’s non-Bamma residents, thank you. We had 2 shootings and 7 assaults on South Beach this weekend. All bammas need to stay their country arse in their own state. We have enough goons/bammas out here to deal with.
Totally off topic….but some friends and I will be in Miami (first timers) this August. Any suggestions for a not too expensice but nice hotel and a hot reggae club will be most appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Most of the hotels are reasonably priced but it depends on the time of year. Use those websites that rate hotels. As far as attractions: Ocean Drive is okay. The scallywags seem to love Collins and Washington so keep on Ocean. Outside of South Beach is better.
I’ve never understood the big thing about being there for that weekend anyway. Been twice – at the request of friends – and didn’t see anything special. I’d much rather be there for Goombay anyway. I read about the shootings on the Herald website, along with the letter that Herb Sosa wrote (the comments were something to behold, although the content therein wasn’t surprising). One of my friends said his people got into a few fights. I think I heard one story that didn’t involve someone getting hurt somehow (including the Kingston crash). Now I’m as liberal as anyone when it comes to having fun, but when things turn that violent I have to say that the people who want the weekend stopped have a point.
The tradition started waaaay back in the day with the “How Can I Be Down” Hip Hop thing that was on Memorial weekend (I think). Long after it stopped, people still come down. I could be wrong tho so don’t quote me. The last time I stopped going to South Beach on Mem weekend was when I was 23 and a guy picked up, yes picked up, my friend and ran away with her. Yes, marinate on that. He thought it was funny until 6 cops met him at the end of street. THEN I saw a guy get out his car, go to the car behind him, open the door and use this girls face as a punching bag because she rear ended him. Yes. That was my last weekend.
well I’ma be in yall neck of the woods July for the Black Film fest…so hope to catch up with some VSS’s (goon squad included…lol) then.
DM me via twitter home skillet. I’ll be in the place.
This may be a repeat but ladies ladies ladies, I know it is hot & bras can be more uncomfortable but if you are not an A cup, YOU NEED TO WEAR A BRA AT ALL OCCASIONS. They make bras now that convert, strapless, whatever you need in various colors. And if you can’t find a suitable bra, leave the dress with the back out in the closest. I see this so much I’ve considered starting a non profit that helps women find the right bra. Seriously…it makes me just smdh, ugh. Your breastses falling out around food -_-
Cosign the list PJ
awwww! but i dnt wanna wear the bra lol
Agreed. If I can tell you’re not wearing a bra, you need to have one on IMO. That rarely flies around my family because someone will loudly call you out, LOL.
*sigh* I guess you’re right. I mean where else am I going to put this baby powder…
we won’t talk about how I was running around yesterday with not a lick of bra on.Don’t mind them big breasted women yellin at the IBTC for doing what they wish they could do. If you got the little ones that stand up, summer is your season! Big boob ladies sweating under hot bras are just jealous. I know, cause I’m one of them.
LOL, biggun’s do it too though! I think if you’re on full nip mode and you’re all in husband’s, daddy’s, son’s faces it’s inappropriate. I’ve seen women go without bras in tops where it wasn’t so obvious.
GIrl I recently went to a cookout and the host was bra-less…and she was a D cup, I’m sure.
I’m nowhere near that size and even I have bras for all occasions. I know it can be difficult to find all kinds of bras if you’re well endowed, but I know those garments do exist. Find them.
@Ms. Aisha,
“Your breastses falling out around food”
O: LMAO
O.
As a member of th bald-head light skinned committee please know sun block is so needed in the summer.
1. Fellas if you live in the South use Gold Bond powder. The contents of the gold and red bottle handles so many unwanted smells.
2. Be cool- It is hot as hell so calm down. The saints, sinners, and the police are all sweaty and tired. Use your head and stay out of the hospital, morgue, or jail.
3. Fellas, those things behind those girls are called butts. Act like you’ve seen one before. There is no need for you and your 30 man deep team to make loud comments about every arse you see. C’mon son, calm your swamp runnin’ a** down!
“Be cool- It is hot as hell so calm down.”
LOL – EPIC!
“Fellas, those things behind those girls are called butts. Act like you’ve seen one before. ”
LMAO!!!!!
“swamp runnin’”- that’s a new one, LOL
I borrowed that from Morgan Freeman’s character in Glory during the most epic old black man vs. young black man verbal smack down ever.
“2. Be cool- It is hot as hell so calm down. The saints, sinners, and the police are all sweaty and tired. Use your head and stay out of the hospital, morgue, or jail.”
LMAO!!!!
All family bbqs end at 7pm…after that sit they ass in the house with a movie or suttin or take they ass home n bring ice back
This is sooo true. At least with my family.
My experience is by 7 pm, the kids are tired, the adults are buzzed and the mosquitoes and flies are overabundant. Put in the latest bootleg dvd while putting in bids for a plate to take home.
Tips for the summer
1. It’s ok to mix colors (that match). Your shoes, shorts, and shirt don’t have to be the same color or pattern. No matchy match stuff.
1a. NO SHORT SETS especially with sandals, dress shoes, or dress socks
2. undershirts are not white tees. I know this is a favorite for all you pretty boy sexy ninjas
3. Nothing wrong with baby powder in the summer. Yes it’s old school but it helps keep you fresh.
4. NO CHEAP MEAT AT BBQ
I hate going to BBQ’s and ninjas serve chicken that could have been in a “feed the children” commercial. Please serve quality meat.
5. Club and lounge owners if you intend to fill your establishment until Black folks are spilling over please have the AC functional and the deck open.
6. Don’t come to a BBQ and announce that “I only eat my mama’s, aunt’s, grandmother’s (insert dish here)”. No one cares. Just eat the free food.
7. Women:
a. if your stomach involuntarily jiggles to beat of the music being played then maybe you shouldnt wear the stomach showing top or tight fitting top.
b. If your back looks like a honey bun maybe the back revealing top isnt a good idea.
8. Men:
If you’ve been hitting the gym and neglected the cardio or you havent been in the gym yet enjoying daily serving of Popeyes an extra tight wife beater may not be a good idea outside the crib.
“6. Don’t come to a BBQ and announce that “I only eat my mama’s, aunt’s, grandmother’s (insert dish here)”. No one cares. Just eat the free food.”
Praise The Jesus @ this comment, folks on that picky steez at a BBQ need to drink a little more so it doesn’t matter!
“3. Nothing wrong with baby powder in the summer.”
Ya until you start sweating and it melts down your body.
#6- YES, don’t come in asking who made what. Nobody really knows besides the person who made it. If they made a big a$$ pan of food they probably weren’t that careful anyway. Just pray over it and eat.
I am sooo weak at all of these, but this right here -> 6. Don’t come to a BBQ and announce that “I only eat my mama’s, aunt’s, grandmother’s (insert dish here)”. No one cares. Just eat the free food. will definitely get a shut the eff up look from me. Like I tell my 1 year old niece, if you don’t want to eat it, don’t. But an announcement (in her case throwing it and yelling no) is not necessary.
People still use baby powder? For what? I thought that got retired after deodorant was invented.
@SmartFoxGirl
People used powder without deodorant? I thought you used both? I thought the powder was to keep you cool?
After following all the great tips don’t forget your summer soundtrack here is some tracks for my summer playlists
Funk, Dâm Funk & Steve Arrington
http://soundcloud.com/stonesthrow/steve-arrington-x-dam-funk-goin-hard
Dancehall, Vybz Kartel: Summertime
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWhzjsIRLA
Ghana Hiplife, Castro & BabyJet: Do Da Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7en0LhdDEdk
Soca, Alison Hinds: Makelele
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMaWzZ9Ajqk
Senegal, Coumba Gawlo Topma
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeFpnYKGXMk
That Champage hangover aint no joke! I feel your pain.
I agree with all of your points…but, I would like to add.
If you have a DJ or someone in charge of the music…can you have them play a wide range of music spanning different era’s…I love the 60′s..but, I don’t want to hear “My Girl” all night…..can we get some Chuck Brown or Prince….I hate when the DJ is playing only one era of music..that can kill a BBQ real quick…and if you are going to do that….keep the booze flowing, please and thank you.
The era of music usually matches the person who paid for the meat.
Yeh, which sucks…
LOL, exactly right!
You gotta have some Chuck at the BBQ.
What are some summer tips that need to be shared no matter how grand or acute they may be.
1. Don’t stay long enough at an outdoor event to have to use the Porto-Potty.
2. Wear closed-toed shoes ladies. You can only tip-toe so long; the dirt and gravel will eventually get into those sandals and have your feet looking nasty.
3. Don’t dress s.e.xy to a family event. It’s weird for everyone.
4a. Don’t get on the Spades/Bid Whist/Dominos table if you really don’t know how to play. You will get your feelings hurt and/or start a fight.
4b. If possible, just bring a partner. You know folks don’t like to play with people they’ve never seen play.
5. Go natural or put on your water-friendly hair. It’s pretty lame to not get in the water at the beach.
6. Black people get skin cancer too. Sunscreen is for everyone.
7. Bring your own chair and put your name on it so there’s no confusion!! This may sound petty, but if you’ve been at a party where there weren’t enough chairs then you know where I’m coming from.
4a. Don’t get on the Spades/Bid Whist/Dominos table if you really don’t know how to play. You will get your feelings hurt and/or start a fight.
THIS. Will get you kicked to the kiddie table in my family.
Seriously. Folks don’t play about their spades. Mess around and get cut.
That’s what I’m saying, mess around not watching the board (rule #1) and play something stupid. No one will want to be your partner ever again at any other functions, ever.
If you tell me you have 3 and a possible, you better know how to play your hand and rake in those books. I do give the evil eye when folks overbid.
or Underbid. Cmon yo. Know your hand.
Exactly! : )
Oh, my Memorial day was grand. We were at the beach by 10am and my smart @ss accidentally feel asleep in the sun and not one got dang fam or so called friend decided to wake me until an hour later. I’m at work right now looking like a crispy crunchidy coon and I can barely move and my skin feels like wax. I did have fun though and even helped this
bammawoman find her daughter who had wandered offbecause this bamma wasn’t watching her kid and she came over to us like 3 times and momma didn’t notice. Good times. And can I say how full of win bottomless mimosas are? I’m so seasoned now, I barely get drunk. Let the good times roll. lolMy advice:
* When you decide to swim in the ocean, it’s not cool to see how far you can go. Before you know it, you’re way out there then WHAM, your legs get tired. I tried to swim back and I felt like I was drowning. I started screaming and people were swimming out to me. One smart man yelled at me to STAND UP. Oh. I didn’t know. Don’t laugh.
* It’s not a good idea to go and get drinks in your bikini. Especially during Memorial weekend when your girlfriends chose the most bamma part of the beach. Before you know it, you’re standing in line and look behind you only to find about 15 Plies wanna bees staring you down. Man thirst isn’t even the word. And I didn’t have my shank. Wear shorts when leaving the beach.
* Just because you see actors and actresses opening their eyes under ocean water, DOES NOT mean that it wont sting the veins right out of your eye ball.
* DO NOT get your weave wet, I repeat DO NOT get your weave wet. I am not responsible if you knew we were going to Osha’s for dinner afterwards and now you look like Rick James and want to go home. We’re not going home, you knew, stop whining.
Hilarious and BEST!
Yes, the movies make going underwater look very easy. Salt-water stings like a MF. Do not be fooled.
Weave should be able to get wet. The trick is- does your real hair still match that weave hair after it gets wet? If not, make sure you pack some gel for the after-beach dinner out.
#Dead!
I agree! If anything you need that one weave that when it gets wet, it gets curly. But i’m assuming this only works for non tracks weave.
Forgive me, I am not a weave aficionado, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this type of weave in action.
I believe you’re referring to “wet & wavy” types and that works well for many people. LOL
“I tried to swim back and I felt like I was drowning. I started screaming and people were swimming out to me. One smart man yelled at me to STAND UP. Oh. I didn’t know. Don’t laugh.”
Sorry in advance Foxy:
BWHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
I’m glad you’re ok though. : )
“One smart man yelled at me to STAND UP. Oh. I didn’t know. Don’t laugh.”
lmao
Um…yeah…joining in the laughter.
+1 LOL
*lil Darryl voice*…LEAB ME ALONE!
Now laughing harder.
Love summer. From the fluid draining heat to the annoying fcuking blood sucking vampire bugs, I so love the summer.
Let’s see…folks mentioned sun block, no jiggly flesh out, proper bras, bathe repeatedly, no freeloading at bbq’s…
1. Drink lots & lots & lots & lots of water. Sport drinks, teas, soda won’t cut it. If you feel dizzy or tumblely, extra hard sweating, rapid pulse, you might have heat exhaustion. Find some shade(AC is best), drink lots of water. Hospital ER’s fill up with heat stroke victims-don’t be a victim.
1a-If you’re drinking alot of alcohol, please drink at least a glass of water after drink.
2. Get an idea where the upscale hotels are when you have to use the restroom. In many cases, they won’t care if nonguests use the restrooms. As long as you don’t look like a bum or some outta pocket basketball wife(finally saw a few episodes over the holiday & still washing out my eyes) & are polite, you can wee-wee in comfort.
3. Gentlemen, get a d@mn pedicure if you’re going to wear sandals. A triple 10 fine as WTF man with some horrific feet kills whatever ‘game’ you’re working.
4. If you have to wear white, wear black draws & bra. And men-wear black draws. I have to wear white for different occasions(ODUNDE!!!) & there was one time when it rained during procession & all the folks wore in white. It was still wet t-shirt parade but at least there were no pink undies showing.
5. Please check for visible baby power spots before you leave the house. Again, PLEASE CHECK FOR VISIBLE BABY SPOTS BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!
6. Gentleman, look at the nice @ss is one thing. Walking into oncoming traffic while looking at said nice @ss is dumb as sh*t.
7. While I believe that VSS’s aren’t going to wear summer gear that could grace the cover of Frederick’s of Hollywood in public, try not to be too hard on those women that do. Yeah I know, they look tacky & make most of us look bad but they don’t know any better. Just big sigh, shake your head & keep looking awesome-they learn by example.
8. Don’t piss off or be in the way of the cook or bartender at the bbq or house party. As the host & cooker of many party & bbq, keeping the punch bowls filled & food on the grill so the party flows is a job. Unless you’re lending a helping hand, which is always appreciated by the way, talking about the game or so & so new shoes isn’t going to get the Silly Punch made or the jerk chicken cooked.
“Walking into oncoming traffic while looking at said nice @ss is dumb as sh*t.”
Hill-larry-us!
6. Make sure you do bring something to the cookout.
Please do. Even if the host(ess) says not to (and I’m that type of hostess), bring something. That something doesn’t have to be food. It can be a board game or a big bottle of bubbles for the kids but bring something. You can never have enough bottled water at cookouts so if I don’t know what to bring I pick up a case of water because after a while orange soda, beer, and sun will have you looking and feeling crazy.
If you honestly can’t think of/ can’t afford to/don’t want to bring anything at the very least bring a positive attitude and help clean up, entertain the kids, or contribute to the conversation. Don’t just be a lump taking up space.
Finally, even if whatever you bring (paper products, sodas, wine, etc) is unopened do not attempt to take it back unless the host(ess) offers it to you. Once you give it away it’s no longer yours and odds are the host(ess) can take it to his/her next summer soiree.
Yes!
1. Drink lots of water
2. Don’t drink margartias before getting into a jacuzzi at the resort, see #1
3. Don’t drink Margaritas prior to receiving a THOROUGH massage from a non-English speaking yourn stallion……uhhhh, and refer back to number 1.
4.Don’t begin drinking hard liquour at 11:00AM While holding down a spot in the park, waiting for the free concert to begin at 7:00 PM…back to number 1.
5. if by chance you failed to observe PJ’s rule #2, make sure that the individual looking out while you potty between two SUV’s is at least somewhat sober.
I’ll be back with more in a bit….I could go on all day. So many lessons learned.
I say YES to #geminiseason. It is the best of all seasons. The season when The Wild Cougar was unleashed on the earth. All good bloggers are Geminis. I will be at your shindig. And I will bring my sexyazz and a Gemini party attitude.
YESS!!!! Let the Geminiseason begin!!
“All good bloggers are Geminis.” Yes. Yes, they are.
All good bloggers are Geminis – Yes we are!
Gemini ROCK!!!!!!
(the word is already plural)
one of my favorite and most accurate lil snapshot descrips…..
Gemini women are glib, self-assured, and sophisticated. Smart, sassy, and sarcastic, these women will always have the last word. Often exceptionally good looking, Gemini women are more interested in showing off their brain power.(YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Oh, dang. Gemini is plural. *duh*
@OSHH
Yep….I’ll take that description. : )
- Don’t know if it’s been said, but heels at a barbecue looks stupid to me. Spending most of your time digging your heels out of the grass isn’t cute.
- If kids aren’t welcome, KIDS AREN’T WELCOME. Don’t think you can just get by because you’re cool with the people there and the kid “won’t be a bother.” Most BBQs are kid-friendly, but for those that aren’t (read: gathering with close friends ony and drinks galore), don’t do it.
- If you have allergies, just bring a dish or two that you know you can eat. You can’t expect everything there to be good enough for you. The host might try to look out for you a little, but don’t expect a whole lot.
KIDS AREN’T WELCOME – cosign!
Happy birthday to my fellow Geminis, PJ and Liz!!
I totally agree with you on wearing white…or should I say, NOT wearing white.
Something else that I’m sure somebody said in the comments above (but I didn’t see it) is wearing socks with sandals. Unless there is a medical reason why you HAVE to wear socks with sandals (I have heard people use this excuse before…) DO NOT DO THIS. And if you have to wear socks with sandals, please don’t wear shorts or skirts because that will just call more attention to it.
This is from an upcoming post:
Leave the UGG boots and timbs for the winter time. It’s really not cute for you to be wearing some dingy looking lean over UGG boots and ballin in your timbs. Just stop it.
I actually like going to farmers’ markets and supporting the farmer’s and small business there instead of cooking a hot meal. And they always have nice jewelry and crafts there.
Do NOT eat up all of the crabs PLEASE??????
It would be nice to let the host know if you’re bringing people to the cookout so that way she can know how much food to prepare and how much alcohol is needed. and speaking of that…
I can eat hamburgers, chicken and hot dogs at my own house. Can we have some steak and ribs please?? That is all
” can eat hamburgers, chicken and hot dogs at my own house. Can we have some steak and ribs please?? That is all”
Let’s keep it real. Burgers, dogs, and chicken are a lot cheaper when you’re feeding a crowd. We’re only having brisket, steak, or ribs if it’s a smaller crowd. We like folks, but not that much.
I made fajitas one day for my daughter’s cookout and folks gave me the side eye and said, ‘oh, how different’…but they were messing them wraps up. I just get tired of seeing the same thing, and not to mention, there be 4 bushels of crabs that are mysteriously gone by the time you show up..greedy bastards
LOL!!!! We all know the good stuff always goes first.
We’re only having brisket, steak, or ribs if it’s a smaller crowd. We like folks, but not that much. .
:Nodding:
Sh*t can get expensive.
But I like your idea of fajitas. What other suggestions do you have so I can take notes. LOL
I know a bag of shrimp is about 7 dollars, get some onion, peppers and some skewers( or use a tree twig and scrape the bark off) and grill some kebabs. all that for under 10 bucks
Yes but shrimp is another thing that goes really fast!
Yeah…I actually go to cookouts to eat the burgers and the crispy, just about burnt up hotdogs. If I want steak or ribs, I can buy/cook them myself.
I thought I was the only one who liked the almost burnt hotdigs…They have a great flavor and the skin part is the best…
I prefer my Hebrew National’s with some char on them. Last time we had a work cookout, almost every single person said the same thing. I guess when it comes to wieners, black is in.
Yes!
That’s what she said.
Not even. We always make a few extra (in quantity, not burnedness) burned hotdogs just because people like to eat them with no bun while the rest of the food is cooking.
Exactly! Are people serious with demanding a certain type of meat?
I don’t do processed meat, so I don’t do hot dogs and the likes… But if I’m having 25+ people over, we’ll eat some chicken and some pork ribs…. A couple of beef skewers if you’re lucky. Steak, brisket and the likes are for parties of 10 or less.
And quite frankly, a good number of the folks looking down on my hotdogs and hamburgers don’t have any steak or ribs in their own refrigerators.
And while ya’ playin’, the true magic of the cookout is in the side dishes anyway.
Guess I’m the only one that keeps steaks and shrimp in my house…
On the other hand, I’m one of those people that cannot eat potato, tuna, and macaroni salad *hides black card*. It’s usually baked beans, and chips for me
But that’s it, Green. I keep it in my house as well. However, I know folks who won’t buy it, who don’t order it in the restaurant, unless somebody else is paying and who only eat it when they come to your house to do so.
It is these folks that get the side-eye when they come up in my house talking about “You ain’t got no steak?!?”
damn, guess I won’t be invited to your spot *hangs head in shame*
Green – you can come…IF…you bring a steak with you. LOL – I jest. I joke. I kid.
I don’t care for mayonnaise and despise beans. This is usually tricky because someone is always begging you to try their famous [insert potluck food] and feel some kind of way when you don’t.
I guess that’s another one to add to the list- don’t have sensitive folks cooking the food because everybody doesn’t eat everything.
WIP – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at somebody’s potato salad/mac-n-cheese/pasta salad/green bean casserole/just about anything the white chick made and said, “Naw, I’m good.”
And please don’t let me even start talking about the time this chick put osyters in the cornbread dressing…but then too…that was Thanksgiving and this isn’t quite that season, but still….
Yeah, it’s like they don’t care whether or not I’m in their bathroom throwing up..as long as the potato salad was good
At the BBQ I threw on Sunday, I made a grilled corn salad (from fresh off the grill corn on the cob), a macaroni salad (because I realized my sides were not going to be enough so I boiled up some macaroni and dressed them up), a romaine lettuce salad and a potato salad (not “traditional” potato salad, a salad with potatoes in it. Lol.
)
I love to cook so I don’t mind slaving all day in the kitchen for a cookout (which I did), but people can not be demanding that I put on New York strip on the grill for their sake. My friends know that when I have smaller, intimate dinner parties, I hook them up with the excellent food bits. But not for a big party. Sorry.
O_O What kind of Black people are you guys? That’s violation #462.
Btw, Sula, can you fedex me your fabulous sides? You would be the friend that I would ask to “help” me plan a bbq just so I could get you to cook.
I can agree here. And as much as it costs now, I’ll be d*mned if you think you’re having a steak when you not only came empty-handed but brought a friend.
Speaking of costs, I get a little irked when I see certain foods set aside for certain people. That steak over there is “for the older folks.” Oh, so we have a class system at cookouts now? Oh, okay. Save that for a separate occassion.
Like I ain’t good enough to eat they steaks.
I didn’t want yo’ steaks no way. Gimme my cajun hot dog and an orange soda.
(lol)
LOL!!
A friend of mine brought his own pack of steaks to his homeboy cookout. He was like, all they had were hamburgers and hot dogs and the host wasn’t making anything else, so he brought his own food. That move got the side eye from a lot of people there,…but they were his #thisn*ggahere
If there will be more than 20 – 25 at my house you’re getting quality all-beef hot dogs (Hebrew National, Nathan’s, or Oscar Meyer), hand patted hamburgers from fresh ground beef, shrimp kabobs, chicken kabobs, boneless skinless chicken breast, adult beverages, and home made sides and desserts.
People get greedy and go overboard when they’re offered things they’re not used to. Case in point, I ordered carnival sized bags of cotton candy to give to the kids at my graduation cookout 2 weeks ago and I had to stop my aunt and a cousin from hauling off six bags each!Mind you, my aunt’s kids are grown and her grandkids had already been given their bag. My cousin is childless, talking about she was taking them to her neighbors kids! WTW?!?
That’s how I’m am and don’t mind going the homemade route because you are a guest. and people sometimes act like they have no home training, piling up their plate and leaving nothing for everyone else.
If just standing still in the summer heat makes you sweat from your brow in noticeable amounts, carry a hand towel (not white) with you to wipe your head. There is nothing worse than being at a BBQ and looking like you’re a slave at an all whites party and “you’s goin for your freedom tonight.”
I can’t confirm nor deny that I’ve had this experience.
BOL!! Yes, it makes me feel uncomfortable to see someone with sweat dripping down his face (in casual company, that is)- usually heavier men are the culprits but most of them carry a rag.
Yep, the sweat towel game is oh so serious!
I’m gonna say something and risk getting the potato salad thrown at me. There are all these comments on what people should not be wearing. It seems like some people spend a lot of time contemplating other people’s body parts, panty lines. ashy toes, armpit hair, bulges, dimples etc. A lot of judgment and making people feel self conscious about every micro inch of their body. The body police start to sound like the Taliban. It gets a little much.
Can we just have fun and not worry so much about it? So what if there is a little this or that out of place. So what if there is a little bulge here or an errant hair there. Worrying about it too much just squeezes all the fun out of summer.
Just sayin…..
IMO, when hanging out with family it’s looser. you don’t have anyone to try to impress and it’s easier to get feel comfortable looking a mess. family will take you as you are but laugh in your face; usually you can laugh along.
I don’t think – and obviously, I can’t speak for everyone – that it’s as much about what people wear as it is about the thought process that goes into their wardrobe decisions. Also, along the lines of what WIP said; I think the better you know the people at an event, the less you have to worry about it.
But honestly, and I am just speaking for me, I think we as Black folks can get a little too judgmental about the appearance of others. Of course there are extremes which should be avoided and I certainly SMH at some people trying to wear stuff that was clearly not meant for them. But I think sometimes we get a little ash/bulge/underwear paranoid. A lot of that stuff doesn’t really matter so much. But it depends on who’s talking, totally subjective. It matters a whole lot to some. None to others. I kind of admire the people who are so comfortable with their bodies that they can ignore finger wagging folks. I guess its because I grew up in an high appearance alert community. I dress conservative, but I try not to pay too much attention. Its worrisome.
LLS and SMH.
I agree whole heartedly. Of course, I generally only tend to attend gatherings of people that I know well and there is no judgement. You be comfortable and do you. Don’t drink or eat errthang up, if you didn’t bring anything, but other than that, nobody’s trippin. I avoid settings where someone’s greatest focus is to assess the appearanace of everyone in attendance. Get a life. Of course, i don’t actually care anyhow. lol.
No.
I get what you’re saying and I think that WIP and B. Brown make very valid points. I personally take issue with family members who come out in public looking a mess because they are an indirect reflection of me in my opinion. I’m not talking about errant flaws here and there but when people look like they didn’t even try to look presentable or tried hard to look not presentable it bothers me and like B. Brown said it makes me wonder about their thought process or lack thereof.
I would love to hold hands and sing We Are The World with you but alot of this sh*t needs to be said.
There are major violations that go on during the summer and my eyeballs can’t take it. Plus, it’s a bad example for the kids. Think of the children.
100% cosign. I hate seeing the folks who are past their “hot to trot” prime but still dress like it. There’s sexy and then…there’s the type of clothes that street walkers wear.
I hear the OP on the judgement, but in some circles, the wrong clothes will get you clowned (at best) and un-invited to other functions (at worst).
Double cosign. The big & beautiful women don’t bother me cause most of them know how to dress according to their size…I’m talking about the others. LOL every year my brother video tapes women who wear ridonkulous too small clothes and “h0oker gear” on South Beach. He usually hangs his video camera out of his SUV. (Yeah he’s that guy smh) And he’ll post it on his FB for everyone to see. His testimony alone is proof that we need to do better.
Think of the children.
Agreed.
hmmph, well I guess I don’t get invited to those types of parties. Thank goodness.
My only addition to the cookout rule is:
If you gonna bring beer, it better at least be a 12 pack & if you bring a bottle then it better at least be a FIF! Anything less, is a sign of disrespect to the homeowner & could get yo ass whupped
I had to school my
mostlynon-drinking parents on this over the weekend. They were shocked by the abundance and variety of beer at our family cookout on Sunday. I told them that it was an unspoken social rule to B.Y.O.B.W.E.T.S (B.Y.O.B with enough to share) and that people generally bring his/her preferred beer in quantities based on how much they plan to drink. If they only want 1, bring a 6 – pack; a 12 – pack if they want 2, and a 24 – pack if they plan on drinking 3 or more that way there’s enough to go around for thefeeloadingsocial drinkers.I think this is how Jesus feed the multitudes with 5 loaves of bread. Somehow, I always manage to have more liquor/beer/wine AFTER the party than I did BEFORE the party.
(kanye shrug….)
Somehow, I always manage to have more liquor/beer/wine AFTER the party than I did BEFORE the party.
As you should for being a good hostess and such. I think you might be on to something with that bread theory…
Summer Tips from the lesser talented 20th:
1. Have an email chain, bbm group, etc devoted to the myriad free events in the city. Especially if you live in NY. There’s an open bar rooftop event taking place every single day. Go! They’re awesome.
2. Have the winter-boo situtation effectively resolved. It isn’t a good look to drag things out across multiple seasons.
3. Go to the summer stage concerts at Central Park (NYC). There’s a free concert every week. Check it out. From John Legend to Badu, all Free99.
4. Go to the MIH bbq at Prospect Park in July. Seriously, you won’t regret it.
5. Go to Grits and Biscuits in July, too.
*Sigh* I miss living in New York. : (
Where did you move?
I’m in D.C. now. But I was in the Bronx/Brooklyn from 2003-2007; and I always took advantage of those free concerts in the park and rooftop parties. Though, I never heard of the Grits and Biscuits thing until it was mentioned on VSB.
Nice. I was in DC this past weekend hanging out. Heard there was some crackin’ party on Rhode Island Ave. Too bad I missed it.
Alvin I will be in NYC in the third week of June. i already have a bunch of stuff lined up but can you give me some more ideas (for Manhattan)?
Which dates?
Don’t play-wrestle around windows high off the ground.
And I’m not trying to be funny. I don’t even know those chicks, but a couple of times during the last few days, I will be going along, minding my business and this thought will pop in my head:
“They fell out the fckn window!!!”
I saw that happen on “10,000 Ways to Die”! Dudes were jumping on the bed dancing to music and one fell out the window and died. Then the other guy jumped up after him and died!
(I’m not sure how they know this, but that’s what they said on the show…)
WIP this just happened this weekend in ATL.
1) Never…EVER double dip anything. Not chips in salsa… not carrots in ranch dressing… not your johnson in more than one woman present at the party. It’s bad form, and can lead to rashes…
2) Seein as how the Capital JazzFest is this weekend.. never be that dude who brings a tent, and then gets mad cuz folks keep settin up their chairs in between you and the stage… (I’ve been that dude. It’s a losing battle) … Also, if you are that dude, don’t get frustrated and go inside your tent and blaze one because “Niccas can’t have nothin nice!”… (I may have been that dude too… allegedly.)
3) On a related note, If you show up all late to a music festival…and everybody else has their *ish* set up all nice, if you are gonna plop down and block somebody’s view, especially by using a gigantoid ass umbrella… at least have the common decency to fall and break your leg on your first visit to the rest room… preferably in eyeshot of those of us who are silently hating you and squeezing your head between our thumb and forefinger from a distance..hoping it somehow magically make you die.
“not your johnson in more than one woman present at the party. It’s bad form, and can lead to rashes…”
LOL *snort*
hahahaha!
(you ever have somethin’ in mind to say…scroll through the comments to see if somebody already said it–then forget what you gon’ say by the time you get to the bottom!?)
anyway tho’…as a practical matter, if there’s 30% chance of inebriation in the forecast, it’s always best to have a transportation/hibernation alternative. so if your BAL is puttin’ breathalysers into the museum of crime and punishment–or you’re just, “dude, where’s my car!? i can’t e’en remember driving here–much less where ‘n the hell i parked” drunk…have some cash for a cab at the ready or the marriott reservation line
on speed dialin your contacts.also: condoms…your white blood cells (and all of humanity) will be ever grateful.
Happens all the time; that’s usually why I try to be one of the early bird
.
specialspeopleI’d think you’d have to up the inebriation forecast. I’d say 50%. Otherwise your designated driver friend (*ahem*) is going to see you’re fine with your club soda and whatnot and lose their mind at the bar ordering things they can’t even pronounce…not saying that’s happened…but just on the off chance, cab cash is a necessity.
I gotta say this loud and proud, first and foremost…..
I AM BACK IN THE STATES!!!!! No more friggin’ Korea! Feels great to be around family friends, and White Castle. And liquor stores on every block. And the 2520′s in front of Church’s Chicken bumming for change. (Yes, I saw that on Sunday.)
And that was just Detroit. Next stop on the TRL Welcome Home Tour is DC.
*throws confettiwhile playing the kazoo*
Welcome back
Thanks, Tes.
Oh! Fabulous!!! Welcome home, TRL. *flings confetti shaped like Black women*
Hee.
Confetti shaped like Black women…..I #seewhatyoudidthere. lol
I sincerely hope you have fun in your TRL tour. And that your faith in black women is restored. Your disposition already seems better. Kudos to you.
I hope so, too, Mo. Nothing has really popped off in the first two weeks, but it was two weeks in Detroit….lol. (No disrespect to any VSS’s out there from the 313….)
I still have hope.
Welcome back, Sir! Yay!
(throws some condoms in with the confetti)
Welcome back and chit.
Thanks! lol
I’m actually gonna be in DC Thursday morning. Can’t wait to get back to my old stomping grounds.
Welcome home sir! Cheeks and I were just speaking of you the other day. Have fun and be safe on your tour!
- Ask if it’s ok to bring a friend to the barbecue.
We don’t know this person and you’ve been one to hang around some shady people.
- Know if the person who’s pool you’re using isn’t going out of their way to accommodate you.
A pool owner would rather not have to prepare the pool and the backyard for one person, let alone someone they don’t know who was invited by a 3rd party.
- Dress appropriately
You’re wearing a bellyshirt while pregnant, problem is that you’re not pregnant.
- Don’t be so quick to make plates to-go.
Know that when you walk into the place with food containers, that if you’re ever invited again that the host will be making your plate from then on.
Jhane Sez
what is your definition of speaking “soft”? Please explain.
Don’t worry, Black Ladies, there are probably plenty of “Black identified” Bi-Racial men like Panama Jackson out there who will exclusively date/marry you, no matter your weight, attitude, manners or lack therof, rather than be caught dead with a White Wife.
So forgetabout “charm school” – with guys like PJ out here – you don’t need it or any form of self-improvement.
Keep doin’ you, homegirl!