Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Stop It With The Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re An Ugly Girl)

The most free people on the planet are folks who realize they have options and refuse to be constrained to their current circumstances. That’s how slavery worked on people; Black people didn’t actually know that we could be free. It’s that whole breaking the chains of psychological slavery spiel. And it works in myriad ways.

For instance, ugly girl problems.

What are ugly girl problems? Glad you asked.

Ugly girl problems. noun(s). women who deal with repeated non-sense from men and refuse to exercise their option to NOT deal with such f*ckery for no good reason other than attempts to not be lonely

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve encountered who have asked for advice regarding various relationship situations where I’ve been more than befuddled at the sheer volume of non-sense they were willing to put up with. And while beauty is indeed a judgement call, most of the women in these putrid situations haven’t been busted. Which ALWAYS leads me to ask, “why do you have ugly girl problems?”

Look, I love all women. You all make me happy. Yay. But the fact is, aesthetics do exist. And there are ugly people and there are pretty people. Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true. You better take that sh*t to that other site. Anyway, my point is, I’ve never met an ugly chick with commitment issues. But you know what, I’ve also rarely met an ugly chick who settled for less than what she wanted. Now, it could be that their scope of attainment was different than others so maybe they aspired for something less than Idris Elba. This is not a judgment. But you remember that self-awareness thing I was talking about yesterday, quite a few facially challenged women (and men for that matter) are aware of their handicaps and make up for it in other ways. You see, sometimes compensation isn’t a bad thing.

But you know who DOES end up screwed? Attractive women who for some reason, act like what I’d ASSUME busted chicks would act like: being accepting of their circumstances for no good reason and then blaming the guy involved for doing what he can get away with. It breaks my heart. I met this woman a few weeks back at a party and she was running down this story about this guy who just wouldn’t give her more than she wanted, which was basically a real date. I listened to the whole story and at the end I was like, “I don’t see the problem here.”

Her: He won’t call me back.

Me: So.

Her: Why won’t he just act right.

Me: Because he doesn’t like you like and just wants to have sex with you. The better question is why do you have ugly girl problems? You are hot. Why are you okay with stayin in this situation with a guy who clearly only calls you for booty and YOU KNOW THIS. Why are you running after him when he’s not even looking for you? Stop it with the ugly girl problems.

That’s a paraphrase of beaucoup convos I’ve had. This is why a lot of women who are above-average don’t have a man. It’s not that they don’t have “a man”. It’s that they don’t have a man who acts right or gives them any of what they want. Or they’re just one in a line of chicks because they don’t want to be alone.

Here’s a word of advice to all the women out there who get attention from men and yet constantly end up dealing with the wrong dude for a long time – realize that you have options. I like brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, and Haitian. And most men do too. I don’t want to hear about no shortage. That only affects mudducks and goats without thunder. Why sit at a bar waxing philosophical with your girls about why the dude won’t call you back when you have some other guy’s number you could be calling.

I know we all get caught up. It happens to us all. We can’t figure out why we’re stuck on somebody. It’s human nature. But ladies (my Mercedes) if you don’t just look like a slightly better version of Precious, there’s a good chance that the dude you’re letting hit because you can’t find another guy isn’t the best you can do. Ugly girls stop at Baltic Ave because at least they made it that far and set up a hotel and play with thimbles. You can at least make it to Marvin’s Gardens!

So I ask you, good people of VSB, are ugly girl problems a real problem? Do you know attractive women who always end up in bad situations? Or is it just that the news has scared the hell out of women into thinking that if they don’t keep One-Legged Pete around they may never find another man since their degrees can’t keep them warm at night?

Am I sexxy?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    You mean, Panda Sidepiece.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Cheekie, I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @Panama,

        “I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!”

        Uh-huh. You are correct about this, though:

        “Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true.”

        Flava Flav told me to tell ya “Dats whats up.”

        But wouldn’t you agree beauty is relative? I mean, yeah we can say someone is definitively ugly or pretty if MOST people say they are, but there will always be someone who thinks what you think is unattractive, is attractive. Except roach rappers.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Cheekie, yeah i definitely think that beauty is relative. mostly to women though. only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            “only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.”

            *DEAD*

            I’m not replying to this before I’ve had my breakfast.

        • ulysses

          Being an intentionally ugly man.
          1) because it is an effective filter for pretty girls that don’t read often or very well.
          2) when combined with an upscale lifestyle, women demand to know the secret of my happiness and charisma.

          I must confess.

          There are some people who’s helmet has been in too many full frontal crashes. Plain and simple.
          This is why all babies are precious.

          Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)

          • coldsweat3

            “Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. ”

            For some reason they are the FREAKIEST people!!! I had alot of alcohol on a few occasions and the drank got the best of me. No true regrets just not something to write home about.

          • SmartFoxGirl

            Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)

            I’ve heard this many times from my male friends. Lmao. Pretty girls are a dead lay?

            • http://gmail storm

              hey girl dont lissen to them pritty girls are not dead lay

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @SmartFoxGirl, they’re not all necessarily a bad lay, but when you spend your life being catered to, you dont go out of your way to learn how to be the pleaser. so yeah, some banging women blow in bed. DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

      • It Figures!

        The devil is a liar but this is the truth! Let the overcomation begin.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @It Figures!, let the church say yaymen.

    • Miss Patterson

      bwahahahaha! sidepiece.

    • Single Black Woman Statistic

      I agree with him in part–yes a degree can’t hold you at night or meet your sexual needs. The problem may be that women who desire a relationship aren’t getting it from the man they want. Factor in deep feelings and it is a choice as to whether a woman will be willing to accept that–the flip side of it is why are so many brothers behaving so badly and capitalizing on our weaknesses? Is there character above reproach? I think not. In the final analysis a man will only go so far as you allow him too–and why are women allowing them to? Women have to go within to search themselves as to that question

    • jake

      “Now, it could be that their scope of attainment was different than others so maybe they aspired for something less than Idris Elba”

      THIS right here is the problem, soo many busted ass chicks thinking they CAN get idris elba

  • Anechoic

    You know, if you had written this about five years ago, you could have spared me several hundred hours of this exact conversation with a friend of mine and I could have all those cell phone minutes back.

    Sigh.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Anechoic, you can never get those minutes back. NEVA.

      • http://twitter.com/Yonnie3000 Yonnie 3000

        I pictured @Anechoic giving Panama the rollover minutes mom glare

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          Haha, loves it. That mom glare is the best. Perfection!

  • MsEsquire77

    I’ll admit that I’ve (in my sordid dating past) allowed myself to deal with ugly girl problems. Loneliness is a manipulative b!tch and will make you do strange things.

    However, I’ve decided to set the bar much higher for myself and stop settling for less than what I want and deserve. I suggest that all my fellow VSSs do the same. We are fabulous, divine, spectacular and magnificent (plus every other positive adjective you can think of) so we need to own that truth and creat lives that reflect it.

    And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy ;)

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

      “And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy”

      Yes, as much as a 3 can be sexxy. Good look, P!

      • MsEsquire77

        @ Cheekie

        His 3 plus my 7 makes a perfect 10 so I think it has the making of an excellent e-boodom :)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @MsEsquire77, thank you. i won’t let the haters (ahem, Cheekie) derail me and my sexxy threeness. thank you.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        It’s impossible to hate on threes.

  • http://www.dear-whoever.com Junior

    I agree completely. No reasonably attractive woman should complain about ‘ugly girl’ problems if they can do better. I’m sure at least one of the guys these women usually overlook has everything they want, just in less flashy packaging. At the same, where’s the onus on the guys that damage these women? Just a thought to consider…

    • Mo

      Confession time (no Usher)…THIS was me my entire 23rd year of life. I always stayed with a side boo who didn’t want more than an occasional date (see chilling at the house watching a movie…and that don’t really count in the beginning) and booty. I tried to “cool friend” myself into thinking that’s all I wanted. Negative.

      I woke up one day and went through my cell phone and deleted the guy’s number that I was talking to and have never spoken to him again. I just realized I was too damn fly, young and full of options to deal with such non-sense.

      I still have that mentality, thus, I don’t deal with non-sense. But I see a lot of girls who do. I call it the dumb broad syndrome. Some of them have it temporarily and other just remain in the dumb broad category for life.

  • thatchic

    just read the post from yesterday.

    get’s down on one knee….

    panama will you marry me and have my baby?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @thatchic – that is so sweet. lol. what kind of ring you giving me? THEN i’ll decide. i’m materialistic.

      • thatchic

        @panama…what flavor ring pop do you like? you can get any flavor you want.

        and did i mention i wear glasses?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @thatchic – i think its funny that we have managed to make chicks with glasses a hot commodity. lol.

          viva la vsb.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    You sure do got a whole lotta opinions re: ugly chicks to be a muthertruckin 3.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Liz – three deez. LOL.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOL

      • Andi

        “You sure do got a whole lotta opinions re: ugly chicks to be a muthertruckin 3.”

        This is true lol. And where did the 3 rating come from? Is it from a previous post or just your personal assessment? :)

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          Some hater came through the comments one day and said P is at best, a 3. So, it stuck. He wears his 3 with pride.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            I propose that we nationally celebrate Panama’s threeness on March 3rd.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @Cheekie, how about we do it on my birthday…

            JUNE 3RD BITCHES!!!!!!!!

            National Panama Jackson Appreciation Day is tomorrow.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @Panama,

            I was goin’ for the 3rd month, 3rd day deal but:

            “JUNE 3RD BITCHES!!!!!!!!”

            Oh right, youse a Gemini. I like ya’ll. Considering my mama is one.

            Yes, we must participate in extra foolery tomorrow in honor of the Pandering Panda. And what a splendid occasion. Our Panda is growing up. Hopefully you age like fine wine and don’t become a 2.

  • Kali

    Completely agree… I refuse to listen to girls complain about how crappy their guy treats them, if they treat you like trash and you stick around to tolerate it, that’s your fault. People, no matter how old they are, will always act like children… if they can get away with acting a certain way, you can expect them to keep acting that way.

    • RunBabyRun

      Hello best friend! lol Are you talking about me, because you still listen to me talk about that fool! lol

      I have to say this article was like looking in a mirror right after getting out of the shower. I saw me but it was a little blurry. I still talk to other dudes, date other dudes, and what not, but I definitely continue with the one that has “aint ish” tendencies. Wish I had a great, great reason but I don’t. I have to say I use the other dudes number….and my best friend can attest. I try to date other people.

      Great post!!

      • MzPW

        Hello best friend! lol Are you talking about me, because you still listen to me talk about that fool! lol

        I have to say this article was like looking in a mirror right after getting out of the shower. I saw me but it was a little blurry. I still talk to other dudes, date other dudes, and what not, but I definitely continue with the one that has “aint ish” tendencies. Wish I had a great, great reason but I don’t. I have to say I use the other dudes number….and my best friend can attest. I try to date other people.

        Great post!!
        ********************************************************
        Greetings to you! May I offer an insight? ‘Cause I’m going to, anyways… =)
        Maybe, just maybe….sticking with the “ain’t ish” mofo happens because you’re most comfortable @ that level, know what I mean? I only speak it because I’ve lived it, homie. It’s like kickin’ it with SoujaBoy (is that the child’s name?) for months and then a Lupe Fiasco comes along to take his spot….now you’ve got to improve your OWN musical quality, feel me? Don’t worry….I’m here wit you during this period of realization. ;-)

        And now, an ode to the both of us and women like us who need just a lil’ bit more time…..we’ll get it someday =)
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVF4r3fLBrU

      • MzPW

        oh yeah…..I kinda just wanted an excuse to post somethin’ by The Five Stairsteps, so, um….yep.

  • ComicBookGuy

    Ya know what, P? I kinda saw a post like this coming when I listened to the podcast yesterday. I don’t understand why very pretty women have problems with seeing that certain guys only see them for their beauty and that is about it. A beautiful woman with a great head on her shoulders shouldn’t settle, but should also be smart enough to know a good man when she sees one. Not keeping some weak @$$ ninja around is not the end of the world. There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance. I could talk about this all night but I am about to lay it down. This time zone change is going to kick my butt in the morning but I was up watching the last two discs of the first season of the The Wire on DVD on my laptop and decided to check out VSB before I hit the sack. This is a good topic so I look forward to the feedback on here. Love the monopoly analogy. Hilarious.

    • miss t-lee

      The monopoly analogy was hilarious!

    • Mrs. Dr. Evil

      “There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance.”

      Starting to believe this more and more each day.

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

      “Ya know what, P? I kinda saw a post like this coming when I listened to the podcast yesterday.”

      lol So did I. Does ‘P’ stand for predictable? *firedshots*

      “There are some very good men out there that will be the man you want him to be if you give him a chance. ”

      Out where? At CBG’s address? ;)

      “This time zone change is going to kick my butt in the morning but I was up watching the last two discs of the first season of the The Wire on DVD…”

      First time watching it? How you liking it so far? Ain’t the best show evah?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Cheekie, lol So did I. Does ‘P’ stand for predictable? *firedshots*

        you love me don’t you?

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Panama,

          “you love me don’t you?”

          http://bit.ly/cBRObW

      • ComicBookGuy

        @Cheekie,

        Nah, I’ve seen the first season of the Wire when it originally aired. I got the boxset and I am watching it season by season when I am on the road.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          Enjoy!

          I’m gonna buy the boxset myself soon. I want that dayum show for life. I caught onto it late and my coworker let me borrow his DVDs and I fell in love with Stringer Bell.

    • SmartFoxGirl

      Not keeping some weak @$$ ninja around is not the end of the world.

      When you are truly inlove, it does feel like the end of the world. I think love is what makes people stick around regardless of how they are being treated…the good thing is that it usually doesn’t last forever and the person eventually wises up.

      *ekiss* lol

      • Sula

        I think love is what makes people stick around regardless of how they are being treated…

        This is that BS… Love is all in our heads…

        • SmartFoxGirl

          Yes it is, all emotions come from our minds.

      • ComicBookGuy

        @SmartFoxGirl,

        Being “in love” will make you do some crazy things and let you stay in some crazy situations. I’ve seen a lot of people do some stupid because they are in love, especially the dude I see in the mirror everyday.

        *e-blushes at the e-kiss* lol

  • meka

    @Liz–You sure do got a whole lotta opinions re: ugly chicks to be a muthertruckin 3.

    Liz, it’s too late for this!

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

      “Liz, it’s too late for this!”

      Or too early, depending on how you look at it. lol

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        sorry ya’ll. I am inebriated right now. don’t mind me….

  • miss t-lee

    I’m so gonna steal “ugly girl problems.” LMAO I’m also dying that Precious has now become the measuring stick that all ugly folks are judged by. Dayum homie. Anyway back on topic, too many times us ladies deal with redic bullisht just for the sake of having a cuddle buddy. Eventually you come to your senses and buy a body pillow and a 24 pk of AA’s. And just because I haven’t shouted us out in a while, what up team chunk?! :-)

    • MsEsquire77

      @miss t-lee

      Have I told you lately that I.LOVE.YOU?!?! I’m a proud owner of a body pillow and a B.O.B that requires AAs.

      GO TEAM CHUNK!!

      • miss t-lee

        *daps to you girlie* :-) You know what’s up.

      • jUST x

        Nothing like the real thing….you must agree. Once B.O.B’S batteries go out it’s D.E.A.D!!!!

        • miss t-lee

          @ just x,

          Oh I’m trust, I’m aware there’s nothing like the real thing. I’m not trying to decieve folks. It’s like eating a handful of skittles, when you really wanted a steak dinner instead.
          It will tide you over though…lol

    • Miss Patterson

      @miss t-lee, i wanna give a shout out to all the Cancerians in the house! hellll yeah.

      speaking of body pillows, i need one of those. (i’m stocked up on batteries) anyone know where i can get one in the Burgh? my homegirl had one in LA, they were very popular in her Chinese community. She always spoke so fondly of it. Now I want one.

      • Gem of thr Ocean

        girl doesnt pgh have stores?! theyre not hard to find. we’re not talkin about decent lookin brothas who can read AND write. we just talkin body pillows

        • Miss Patterson

          You’ve got a point there, Gemmie. Wait who this? “gem of thr ocean” lol. So, um when are you taking me to the store? Cuz I need one STAT.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            lol i’ll take you shopping for a pillow when i go shopping for a box spring and dresser! this wknd?

      • Hawaii

        WOOP WOOP! Cancer over here!!!

      • miss t-lee

        @miss P, you’re a Cancer also? YAY!! Oh, and u can find a perfectly capable body pillow @ any big box retailer (got mine from Bed Bath and Beyond). “Cancer…and my name is Larry!!”. 10 cool pts to anyone who knows what song this is from. :-)

        • Miss Patterson

          @miss t-lee, yes girl I’m a Cancer. I thought we established our club back in ’08? Folks gettin’ old now, huh? ;) Gemmie’s one too.

          Anywho…regarding your song reference. It’s “Float On.”

          • miss t-lee

            Girl I forgot about all of us Cancers on the board. :)
            Woop woop indeed.

            And good lookin’ on the “Float On”.

            *singing* Float, Float On…

    • Happy Meal

      Hun, we in a recession. Save your duckets under the matress and get the rechargeable ones.

      • miss t-lee

        Hmmmm…I never thought about that. And here I was over ordering batteries on our office’s Staples account. CTFU
        *scribbles a note to put on the fridge*

    • SmartFoxGirl

      Eventually you come to your senses and buy a body pillow and a 24 pk of AA’s.

      LMAO…girl don’t put out our secrets. I survived my break up with my body pillow and pack of AA’s. *putting sticky in purse to by another pack on the way home* Ssshh