Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Stop It With The Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re An Ugly Girl)

The most free people on the planet are folks who realize they have options and refuse to be constrained to their current circumstances. That’s how slavery worked on people; Black people didn’t actually know that we could be free. It’s that whole breaking the chains of psychological slavery spiel. And it works in myriad ways.

For instance, ugly girl problems.

What are ugly girl problems? Glad you asked.

Ugly girl problems. noun(s). women who deal with repeated non-sense from men and refuse to exercise their option to NOT deal with such f*ckery for no good reason other than attempts to not be lonely

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve encountered who have asked for advice regarding various relationship situations where I’ve been more than befuddled at the sheer volume of non-sense they were willing to put up with. And while beauty is indeed a judgement call, most of the women in these putrid situations haven’t been busted. Which ALWAYS leads me to ask, “why do you have ugly girl problems?”

Look, I love all women. You all make me happy. Yay. But the fact is, aesthetics do exist. And there are ugly people and there are pretty people. Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true. You better take that sh*t to that other site. Anyway, my point is, I’ve never met an ugly chick with commitment issues. But you know what, I’ve also rarely met an ugly chick who settled for less than what she wanted. Now, it could be that their scope of attainment was different than others so maybe they aspired for something less than Idris Elba. This is not a judgment. But you remember that self-awareness thing I was talking about yesterday, quite a few facially challenged women (and men for that matter) are aware of their handicaps and make up for it in other ways. You see, sometimes compensation isn’t a bad thing.

But you know who DOES end up screwed? Attractive women who for some reason, act like what I’d ASSUME busted chicks would act like: being accepting of their circumstances for no good reason and then blaming the guy involved for doing what he can get away with. It breaks my heart. I met this woman a few weeks back at a party and she was running down this story about this guy who just wouldn’t give her more than she wanted, which was basically a real date. I listened to the whole story and at the end I was like, “I don’t see the problem here.”

Her: He won’t call me back.

Me: So.

Her: Why won’t he just act right.

Me: Because he doesn’t like you like and just wants to have sex with you. The better question is why do you have ugly girl problems? You are hot. Why are you okay with stayin in this situation with a guy who clearly only calls you for booty and YOU KNOW THIS. Why are you running after him when he’s not even looking for you? Stop it with the ugly girl problems.

That’s a paraphrase of beaucoup convos I’ve had. This is why a lot of women who are above-average don’t have a man. It’s not that they don’t have “a man”. It’s that they don’t have a man who acts right or gives them any of what they want. Or they’re just one in a line of chicks because they don’t want to be alone.

Here’s a word of advice to all the women out there who get attention from men and yet constantly end up dealing with the wrong dude for a long time – realize that you have options. I like brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, and Haitian. And most men do too. I don’t want to hear about no shortage. That only affects mudducks and goats without thunder. Why sit at a bar waxing philosophical with your girls about why the dude won’t call you back when you have some other guy’s number you could be calling.

I know we all get caught up. It happens to us all. We can’t figure out why we’re stuck on somebody. It’s human nature. But ladies (my Mercedes) if you don’t just look like a slightly better version of Precious, there’s a good chance that the dude you’re letting hit because you can’t find another guy isn’t the best you can do. Ugly girls stop at Baltic Ave because at least they made it that far and set up a hotel and play with thimbles. You can at least make it to Marvin’s Gardens!

So I ask you, good people of VSB, are ugly girl problems a real problem? Do you know attractive women who always end up in bad situations? Or is it just that the news has scared the hell out of women into thinking that if they don’t keep One-Legged Pete around they may never find another man since their degrees can’t keep them warm at night?

Am I sexxy?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Filed Under:
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    You mean, Panda Sidepiece.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Cheekie, I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @Panama,

        “I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!”

        Uh-huh. You are correct about this, though:

        “Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true.”

        Flava Flav told me to tell ya “Dats whats up.”

        But wouldn’t you agree beauty is relative? I mean, yeah we can say someone is definitively ugly or pretty if MOST people say they are, but there will always be someone who thinks what you think is unattractive, is attractive. Except roach rappers.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Cheekie, yeah i definitely think that beauty is relative. mostly to women though. only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            “only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.”

            *DEAD*

            I’m not replying to this before I’ve had my breakfast.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

            “only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.”

            *DEAD*

            I’m not replying to this before I’ve had my breakfast.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Cheekie, yeah i definitely think that beauty is relative. mostly to women though. only women would talk about how beautiful precious is as a person and think that translates into a lineup of models.

        • ulysses

          Being an intentionally ugly man.
          1) because it is an effective filter for pretty girls that don’t read often or very well.
          2) when combined with an upscale lifestyle, women demand to know the secret of my happiness and charisma.

          I must confess.

          There are some people who’s helmet has been in too many full frontal crashes. Plain and simple.
          This is why all babies are precious.

          Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)

          • coldsweat3

            “Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. ”

            For some reason they are the FREAKIEST people!!! I had alot of alcohol on a few occasions and the drank got the best of me. No true regrets just not something to write home about.

          • coldsweat3

            “Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. ”

            For some reason they are the FREAKIEST people!!! I had alot of alcohol on a few occasions and the drank got the best of me. No true regrets just not something to write home about.

          • SmartFoxGirl

            Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)

            I’ve heard this many times from my male friends. Lmao. Pretty girls are a dead lay?

            • http://gmail storm

              hey girl dont lissen to them pritty girls are not dead lay

          • SmartFoxGirl

            Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)

            I’ve heard this many times from my male friends. Lmao. Pretty girls are a dead lay?

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @SmartFoxGirl, they’re not all necessarily a bad lay, but when you spend your life being catered to, you dont go out of your way to learn how to be the pleaser. so yeah, some banging women blow in bed. DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @SmartFoxGirl, they’re not all necessarily a bad lay, but when you spend your life being catered to, you dont go out of your way to learn how to be the pleaser. so yeah, some banging women blow in bed. DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

        • ulysses

          Being an intentionally ugly man.
          1) because it is an effective filter for pretty girls that don’t read often or very well.
          2) when combined with an upscale lifestyle, women demand to know the secret of my happiness and charisma.

          I must confess.

          There are some people who’s helmet has been in too many full frontal crashes. Plain and simple.
          This is why all babies are precious.

          Girls that believe they are ugly, tend to be better sex partners. (There are exceptions)

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @Panama,

        “I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!”

        Uh-huh. You are correct about this, though:

        “Spare me the “there’s no such thing as an ugly person” when you ALL know that is just not true.”

        Flava Flav told me to tell ya “Dats whats up.”

        But wouldn’t you agree beauty is relative? I mean, yeah we can say someone is definitively ugly or pretty if MOST people say they are, but there will always be someone who thinks what you think is unattractive, is attractive. Except roach rappers.

      • It Figures!

        The devil is a liar but this is the truth! Let the overcomation begin.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @It Figures!, let the church say yaymen.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @It Figures!, let the church say yaymen.

      • It Figures!

        The devil is a liar but this is the truth! Let the overcomation begin.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Cheekie, I’m not mean? this post is uplifting and about overcomation!

    • Miss Patterson

      bwahahahaha! sidepiece.

    • Miss Patterson

      bwahahahaha! sidepiece.

    • Single Black Woman Statistic

      I agree with him in part–yes a degree can’t hold you at night or meet your sexual needs. The problem may be that women who desire a relationship aren’t getting it from the man they want. Factor in deep feelings and it is a choice as to whether a woman will be willing to accept that–the flip side of it is why are so many brothers behaving so badly and capitalizing on our weaknesses? Is there character above reproach? I think not. In the final analysis a man will only go so far as you allow him too–and why are women allowing them to? Women have to go within to search themselves as to that question

    • Single Black Woman Statistic

      I agree with him in part–yes a degree can’t hold you at night or meet your sexual needs. The problem may be that women who desire a relationship aren’t getting it from the man they want. Factor in deep feelings and it is a choice as to whether a woman will be willing to accept that–the flip side of it is why are so many brothers behaving so badly and capitalizing on our weaknesses? Is there character above reproach? I think not. In the final analysis a man will only go so far as you allow him too–and why are women allowing them to? Women have to go within to search themselves as to that question

    • jake

      “Now, it could be that their scope of attainment was different than others so maybe they aspired for something less than Idris Elba”

      THIS right here is the problem, soo many busted ass chicks thinking they CAN get idris elba

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    You mean, Panda Sidepiece.

  • Anechoic

    You know, if you had written this about five years ago, you could have spared me several hundred hours of this exact conversation with a friend of mine and I could have all those cell phone minutes back.

    Sigh.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Anechoic, you can never get those minutes back. NEVA.

      • http://twitter.com/Yonnie3000 Yonnie 3000

        I pictured @Anechoic giving Panama the rollover minutes mom glare

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          Haha, loves it. That mom glare is the best. Perfection!

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

          Haha, loves it. That mom glare is the best. Perfection!

      • http://twitter.com/Yonnie3000 Yonnie 3000

        I pictured @Anechoic giving Panama the rollover minutes mom glare

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Anechoic, you can never get those minutes back. NEVA.

  • Anechoic

    You know, if you had written this about five years ago, you could have spared me several hundred hours of this exact conversation with a friend of mine and I could have all those cell phone minutes back.

    Sigh.

  • MsEsquire77

    I’ll admit that I’ve (in my sordid dating past) allowed myself to deal with ugly girl problems. Loneliness is a manipulative b!tch and will make you do strange things.

    However, I’ve decided to set the bar much higher for myself and stop settling for less than what I want and deserve. I suggest that all my fellow VSSs do the same. We are fabulous, divine, spectacular and magnificent (plus every other positive adjective you can think of) so we need to own that truth and creat lives that reflect it.

    And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy ;)

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

      “And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy”

      Yes, as much as a 3 can be sexxy. Good look, P!

      • MsEsquire77

        @ Cheekie

        His 3 plus my 7 makes a perfect 10 so I think it has the making of an excellent e-boodom :)

      • MsEsquire77

        @ Cheekie

        His 3 plus my 7 makes a perfect 10 so I think it has the making of an excellent e-boodom :)

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

      “And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy”

      Yes, as much as a 3 can be sexxy. Good look, P!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @MsEsquire77, thank you. i won’t let the haters (ahem, Cheekie) derail me and my sexxy threeness. thank you.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        It’s impossible to hate on threes.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

        It’s impossible to hate on threes.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @MsEsquire77, thank you. i won’t let the haters (ahem, Cheekie) derail me and my sexxy threeness. thank you.

  • MsEsquire77

    I’ll admit that I’ve (in my sordid dating past) allowed myself to deal with ugly girl problems. Loneliness is a manipulative b!tch and will make you do strange things.

    However, I’ve decided to set the bar much higher for myself and stop settling for less than what I want and deserve. I suggest that all my fellow VSSs do the same. We are fabulous, divine, spectacular and magnificent (plus every other positive adjective you can think of) so we need to own that truth and creat lives that reflect it.

    And yes, PJ you are indeed sexxy ;)

  • http://www.dear-whoever.com Junior

    I agree completely. No reasonably attractive woman should complain about ‘ugly girl’ problems if they can do better. I’m sure at least one of the guys these women usually overlook has everything they want, just in less flashy packaging. At the same, where’s the onus on the guys that damage these women? Just a thought to consider…

    • Mo

      Confession time (no Usher)…THIS was me my entire 23rd year of life. I always stayed with a side boo who didn’t want more than an occasional date (see chilling at the house watching a movie…and that don’t really count in the beginning) and booty. I tried to “cool friend” myself into thinking that’s all I wanted. Negative.

      I woke up one day and went through my cell phone and deleted the guy’s number that I was talking to and have never spoken to him again. I just realized I was too damn fly, young and full of options to deal with such non-sense.

      I still have that mentality, thus, I don’t deal with non-sense. But I see a lot of girls who do. I call it the dumb broad syndrome. Some of them have it temporarily and other just remain in the dumb broad category for life.

    • Mo

      Confession time (no Usher)…THIS was me my entire 23rd year of life. I always stayed with a side boo who didn’t want more than an occasional date (see chilling at the house watching a movie…and that don’t really count in the beginning) and booty. I tried to “cool friend” myself into thinking that’s all I wanted. Negative.

      I woke up one day and went through my cell phone and deleted the guy’s number that I was talking to and have never spoken to him again. I just realized I was too damn fly, young and full of options to deal with such non-sense.

      I still have that mentality, thus, I don’t deal with non-sense. But I see a lot of girls who do. I call it the dumb broad syndrome. Some of them have it temporarily and other just remain in the dumb broad category for life.

  • http://www.dear-whoever.com Junior

    I agree completely. No reasonably attractive woman should complain about ‘ugly girl’ problems if they can do better. I’m sure at least one of the guys these women usually overlook has everything they want, just in less flashy packaging. At the same, where’s the onus on the guys that damage these women? Just a thought to consider…

  • thatchic

    just read the post from yesterday.

    get’s down on one knee….

    panama will you marry me and have my baby?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @thatchic – that is so sweet. lol. what kind of ring you giving me? THEN i’ll decide. i’m materialistic.

      • thatchic

        @panama…what flavor ring pop do you like? you can get any flavor you want.

        and did i mention i wear glasses?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @thatchic – i think its funny that we have managed to make chicks with glasses a hot commodity. lol.

          viva la vsb.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @thatchic – i think its funny that we have managed to make chicks with glasses a hot commodity. lol.

          viva la vsb.

      • thatchic

        @panama…what flavor ring pop do you like? you can get any flavor you want.

        and did i mention i wear glasses?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @thatchic – that is so sweet. lol. what kind of ring you giving me? THEN i’ll decide. i’m materialistic.

  • thatchic

    just read the post from yesterday.

    get’s down on one knee….

    panama will you marry me and have my baby?

More Like This