Stop Being The Gym Snob Who Complains About New People At The Gym After New Year’s » VSB

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Stop Being The Gym Snob Who Complains About New People At The Gym After New Year’s

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Despite the pending apocalypse’s greatest efforts to wipe out the human population in one fell swoop, the bulk of us have managed to make it out of 2016. The stroke of midnight came, folks drank their champagne – or if your name rhymes with Pariah Larry, threw out your earpiece and decided to defer New Year, New Me to 2018 – and welcomed in another set of 365 days.

With the New Year, of course, comes resolutions – the ambitions you speak out into the universe in hopes of becoming the best version of yourself. They, of course, can be anything from the qualitative (I resolve to aim to eat chicken wings of the highest quality and give them the love and respect I deserve) or quantitative (I will no longer eat more than a dozen wings in one sitting). The world is your oyster – or chicken wing, as one may have it.

Of course, many resolutions revolve around weight loss – mainlining ribs and sweet potato pie from Thanksgiving to Christmas is bound to take a toll on anyone’s waistline, for one. Or perhaps you’ve still got a little baby weight hanging on, or too much of your life has revolved around chicken wings. Regardless, come the New Year, a litany of newly motivated people take that first step towards their summer body goals and sign up to sweat it all out – which is inevitably followed by the litany of grumpy Tweets or Facebook statuses whining and groaning about how upset they are that so many people are at the gym now.

If you’re one of those people, I have a message for you: grow up.

No, seriously. What kind of showboat-y snobbery do you think you’re accomplishing by complaining about the fact that you can’t get on a cardio machine immediately after work? Do some burpees. Jump some rope. Rework your workout routine or your workout schedule. But spare all of us the “omg all these fatties are cramping my vibe when will they go away” missives.  It’s tacky and entitled.

Do you think you’re somehow better than someone because you chose to start working out at the gym on a day other than January 1-15th? Is there some special cookie you get because you realized that you needed to start pushing your heart rate sometime in July? In what world does someone else attempting a step in becoming healthier and more active cause you distress? Honestly, of all the gripes I have in the world, my workout taking two minutes longer because a newcomer needed a second to properly learn how to use the leg extension machine ranks pretty damn low. I am more vexed that Serge didn’t DM me after officially becoming a single man again.

I’ve been active in some form or fashion almost my entire life – whether it was organized sports, or dance, or that terrible time I decided to run a half marathon – and if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that prioritizing physical fitness as an adult is easier said than done. Yes, you make time for things that matter, but between work and life and whats in the new crispy chicken wrap, for many people staying active is something that can and does fall by the wayside. I work out four times a week and still have to regularly convince myself to get my ass out of bed and in gear. A seasonal increase of people trying to renew that effort is completely understandable.

Yeah, we know that many of the newcomers will not be there in six weeks, but guess what? That is the overwhelming trend of most gym members. Gyms bank on a large chunk of people year-round signing up and not regularly attending – and honestly, who can blame the new folks if they’re being sneered at for the sheer audacity of trying to do something?

If you’re one of those insufferable douchebags that has gone out of their way to grumble about having to wait 20 minutes for a treadmill in January, please just humble yourself and remember that at one point in time you were a new gym member trying to turn physical activity into a habit, whether that day was in high school or two years ago. Get off this imaginary pedestal of your own making and let folks attempt to counteract the consequences of WingTopia 2016 in peace. It won’t kill you to extend the teeniest bit of respect. Treadmills are bad for your knees anyway; find something else to do besides showing the world that you are such a miserable human that attempts of self-improvement around you are upsetting.

Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • MsSula

    I am so weary of those gym snobs. Ugh.

    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      I’m a big gym snob. I’m sure this will surprise no one in the comment section.

      • miss t-lee

        It doesn’t.

      • MsSula

        Lol.

        So what do you do during the first months of the year?

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          My gym has way too many members even without the new year’s resolutions. During the week, I get to the gym between 2:30 and 3:30 am. Weekends, I either go in around 7 am or go early afternoon once the crowds have died down.

          • God Shammgod

            I go at 5 in the morning. Everyone goes after work and complains that it’s crowded. Well, DUH.

            • I go after work and generally never have to wait because I’m a free weights type of gym.

              I do stare at people in the squat rack when I need it till they leave though.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I think gym snobbery originated here. The gym already looks like the the middle passage and these folks still trying to pack more folks in.

          • Val

            Never understood 3 am gym runs. I had a housemate that used to do that.

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              I can get through my weight routine in about 50 minutes when the gym is empty. My same routine with a crowded gym will grow to at least an hour and a half. I don’t like the time, it’s just what I can fit into my schedule.

          • MsSula

            I have questions. Like how many hours do you sleep and 2AM really?

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              I don’t get enough sleep. I try to be in bed by 8 am, but it typically ends up being closer to 9. I nap with my youngest on the weekends. My vanity knows no bounds.

              • MsSula

                I appreciate the dedication Sir.

      • Tam

        We are not.

      • There’s still hope.

        • Tam

          With this one it would be easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye

      • Val
      • NonyaB?

        Imagine that.

      • Blackberry02

        Absolutely none.

    • NonyaB?

      Hate gyms. At most, I’ll join a cardio-ish class but prefer walking outdoors (neighbourhood/cross-town, not hiking tho). Just realizing I should aspire to being the neighbourhood busybody because there’s method to that madness; you’ll stay fit!

      • Sweet Potato Kai ?

        Im with you. Walking, skating, biking etc. Keep the gym.

        • NonyaB?

          Exactly; there’s ash*tload of fun activities I’ll find before I think of approaching the gym.

        • Val

          +1 on walking and I’ll add swimming.

          • Sweet Potato Kai ?

            Yes, I do that too, even though it’s been a while.

      • MsSula

        +1on being the neighborhood busy body. You will stay active! :)

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    Leg extension machine?

    That’s your first problem

    • God Shammgod

      Most machines are trash, tbh.

      • Most machines used wrong are trash. When used right, they are superior to dumbbells and barbells for hypertrophy. They should be done after the major compound movement (rows after deadlifts, for example), for high reps (5 sets of 10, or 3 sets of 20), with a pause at the end of each contraction.

        • God Shammgod

          When used right is the key word. Most people dont even bother to adjust the machines to optimize their range of motion and alignment. I always encourage people to master their form with (light) free weights – it gives them more of a basis to gauge if their positioning is off when they go to a machine.

          • Blackberry02

            Are you a personal trainer?

    • Squats make me strong, but the leg extension blew up my quads to the point where I needed new pants.

      • Ess Tee

        My hamstrings are screaming at me today. I’d been out of the gym a good five or six weeks, and started up with Zumba Monday then doing squat work yesterday

        • I tweaked my hamstring after two weeks off when I was working up to a 1RM squat max. Felt fire at 315lbs and had to stop the workout for a bit.

    • The only reason I even bother with the leg extension machine is for my knee rehab. It’s worthless otherwise.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    If you have problems with the gym being full, buy your own equipment and workout at home.

    • miss t-lee

      Problem solved!

    • Used to have a home gym- bench press, squat rack, pads for the floor, and 400lbs of weight. It was heaven.

      • MsSula

        In the next home situation, the garage will be transformed into a mini crossfit gym. Can’t wait.

        • My wife and I are closing in on a house and I put on my pants and made it very clear that half of the garage will hold a power rack, an elliptical, an air bike, 500+lbs of free weight, and various barbells.

          In other news- sleeping on a reclining couch ain’t that bad if you have enough blankets.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            LOL

            You gotta make the Mrs. feel a part of the process. Look BAE you just go downstairs and do your thing. No more gawking looks from thirsty dudes, body shaming from dem o’s, and there’s never a wait for the equipment.

            • All she wants to do is see and enjoy my results. She’s impartial and uncaring on the hours of effort I put into the gym to get my gainz.

            • My husband and son powerlift and train at the house. It’s nice having all of the equipment right here. It’s also very easy to open the garage door, go “nah” and close it. It’s murda to open that door back and walk through it, though.

          • MsSula

            But what else is a garage supposed to be for? Lol

            She is a doctor, she walks so much she probably doesn’t even need the gym. She can’t understand. Loll

            • My wife needs for workouts to be fun.

              Me? I don’t need fun, I need structure and discipline. You know what I call rolling out of bed by 4AM and hitting deadlifts by 4:15? The start of a productive day.

              • MsSula

                Workouts need to be fun. But it’s fun to push it to the limit by lifting 85 kg in the squat rack. Flipping tires, climbing ropes allathat.

                Make her come over to the dark side. Lol.

          • IAmMikeBrown

            It’s the principle!

          • Cheech
          • Blackberry02

            Lol! My brother did the same thing and was in the doghouse until he took my SIL on a “surprise” vacation.

        • Blackberry02

          That’s what I brother did. My SIL is still mad that she can’t park her car inside of the garage at times.

      • Question

        See I struggle to workout at home. The gym and other people in the gym motivate me or something.

    • Asiyah

      It’s hard in NYC apartments, Sig. If I had a house I’d go that route.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Get a TRX, some kettle balls, possibly a weighted vest, and live your best life.

        • Asiyah

          This is a serious question: I’m pretty skinny. How do I work out without losing any weight? What do I do? I sound so ignorant and I am. This is not my forte.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Your body will go through phases. The first weight you lose is water weight; I wouldn’t sweat that since you hydrate and get that back. You will begin to convert fat to muscle. As you do the dang thing, it will feel like you “lost” weight; your gut (if you have a love handles) will shrink causing your clothes to fit differently but your weight will be the same.

            • Asiyah

              So I should let go of my fear…I…shall!

          • cdj

            Maybe light (but not too light) weightlifting? I do this class called Group Power. Basically, you get two weight bars, and put weight plates on each, to make a light set and a heavy set. The instructor takes us through a weight routine targeting different muscles (e.g. heavy weight bar for squats, lighter for triceps) set to music. Each muscle group is a different song. So you’re lifting almost constantly, for 4- 6 min per muscle group.

            There are skinny people in my class. Some of them lift the heaviest weights.

            • Asiyah

              I’m saving your reply! Thank you!

              • cdj

                You’re welcome! And the good thing is, you can increase at your own pace/comfort level.

    • Blackberry02

      Or, holla at the sidewalk…

  • miss t-lee

    I’m glad you said it.
    Every year folks wanna get on their high horse and complain about new folks at the gym.
    All of the eye rolls.

    • Had a few twitter dust-ups about this in the past.

      • miss t-lee

        Also.
        It’s real easy to just kind ya busines and there won’t be no issues.

        • The way I figure it is that I’m not exactly a people person to begin with and I make it through the day sans felonies so some extra folks trying to do better isn’t going to break me.

          • miss t-lee

            We’re >here<

  • Diego Duarte

    As a person who kept his 2016 New Years resolution and dropped a whooping 66 Lbs, allow me to just say that while exercise works, it is only 10% of weight loss. I could go on an run at about 18.00 speed for 50 minutes straight on a treadmill, and have the fit people running on adjacent treadmills throw a fit (HA!), but that still did not achieve nearly as much as proper dieting.

    Drop the sugar, drop the flour, drop the rice, and if you want to eat carbs go for boiled potatoes. The secret is “there’s no secret”. You just gotta keep at it and stay constant.

    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      “The secret is there is no secret” you so get it.

    • Giantstepp

      Very true. I lost close to 50 pounds slow and steady with consistency in the kitchen and gym. There are no secrets at all.

      • Blackberry02

        Congratulations, Giant!

      • Eri Cad

        Do the damn thing! Congrats. I’m using portion control cups color coated for food group, cutting processed sugar and exercising. I wish more people knew there is no secret. I like to tell folks if you like vegetables thats like 50% of the battle right there. What’s been working for me is a slow build. I started out with getting 5 min of exercise in the morning, then 10 mins, then 15 min and so on. I didn’t want to be bothered with weighing and calorie counting so I moved to the beach body portion cups, started trying out new recipes I found online, now I’m working on eliminating processed sugar. Its been easier than I thought.

    • MsCee

      90 pounds here…and maintaining for 2 going on 3 years now.

      • Diego Duarte

        Nicely done! It’s much easier maintaining than losing though. Especially if you buy a scale and stay on it like a MF.

        • MsCee

          I highly disagree. Weight loss was easy..do right…eat right…be rewarded. Not backsliding is a daily struggle and probably one I’ll be fighting for the rest of my life.

          • Diego Duarte

            I suppose it varies from individual to individual. Myself, I kept on “rewarding” myself for eating right. Which cancelled out my efforts. I took forever to go through every 10 Lbs milestone. Now that I’ve achieved ideal weight though, keeping the weight off is the easiest thing ever. Although I do weight myself twice a day (once in the morning, and once at night).

            • BmoreLikeLA

              Losing is super easy for me, too. My issue is rewarding myself for meeting my goal. I get cray and start sending late night texts to Choc Fudge Brownie Ice cream like “hey stranger”

              • Blackberry02

                LOL!

                Girl…80/20 rule…it’s all good.

            • Blackberry02

              Have you tried journaling what you eat in a day or a week? Or, at what emotions (other than hunger) prompt you eat? It may reveal why you food is a “reward” for you.

      • Asiyah

        Congrats, MsCee!

      • Wise Old Owl

        Congratulations Sista! I love your positive energy and attitude…only thing worse than a workout snob is a diet snob trying to tell others how to eat…each human body and metabolism is different…Keep up the great work…very proud of you!

        • MsCee

          Thank you…I know the struggle so I try to encourage not make a person feel small. Weight loss is not easy and every BODY is different.

          • Wise Old Owl

            You are very welcome. Over the last 10 years, I have lost over a hundred and twenty lbs…and gained at times 50lbs back and then re-lost 70lbs, so I totally understand the struggles of losing and maintaining weight loss…I workout 6-7 days a week…but my issue was the food that I was eating, so as I am getting older, I am changing my diet and keeping a food journal and calorie intake monitor, which keeps me focused…stay focused and Positive and you will achieve all your weight loss goals…

            • Blackberry02

              I’m glad that you are fighting to keep the pounds off. Keep up the good work, WOO!

              • Wise Old Owl

                Thanks for the positive words of encouragement…appreciate ya!

                • Blackberry02

                  ??

        • Blackberry02

          “only thing worse than a workout snob is a diet snob trying to tell others how to eat…each human body and metabolism is different…”

          True, but your metabolism is the how your body changes food into fuel/energy. You still need to nourish your body with healthy food, so in the event you have a slow metabolism, you’d be less likely to store fat.

          • Wise Old Owl

            I agree 100%….that’s why now I eat much more healthier, because the weight is harder to lose for me as I get older by excerise alone…

            • Blackberry02

              Keep it up, WOO!

      • Blackberry02

        Keep up the good work, Ms. Cee!

    • Val

      Sugar. Check. Flour. Check. But, rice? That’s a hard one. It’s a staple for me. Mainly because it’s so easy to cook. Lol

      Congratulations on the weight loss!

      • Darkchloe144

        Brown rice is nice, but difficult to flavor sometimes.

        • Val

          You’re right. And being able to infuse flavor into rice is the thing I enjoy most about it.

          • I was told that cooking the rice in chicken broth works but like the homie NicknoNikki once said that brown rice tastes like a rough draft.

            • miss t-lee

              Flavoring the cooking liquid does wonders. Trust.

              • “M”

                LOL. I love how people get mad with the rice and the broth before they even try.

                • miss t-lee

                  For real though.

            • God Shammgod

              I was seasoning the water with a maggi cube…which…kind of defeats the point. lol.

              • I just stick to white rice like a good South Carolinian should. Sherman didn’t burn all of those white folks things so that I have to eat brown rice.

                • Julian Green

                  I can’t do plain white rice; it’s parboiled or it’s not legit.

                • Ava Monique George Stewart

                  I am also from SC! ????

                • Gibbous

                  LOL!

                • Mary

                  Word! Now where that ketchup at?

              • Blackberry02

                Tell them about that Maggi Cube!

            • and she was right as rain

        • Tasha Lawrence?

          Instead of cooking it with water do half chicken broth half water.
          Also, you can put some garlic cloves depending on how many folks you cooking for in there to infuse flavor. When I use chicken broth, I put in about 4 basil leaves.

      • Diego Duarte

        Thanks! Also, I felt the rice one. I’m a Peruvian. We eat everything with rice. I just subsituted rice with boiled potatoes at any given time. That worked out nicely.

        • Cheech

          When our Peruvian friends have us over, there are always yellow rice, white rice, AND potatoes on the table. Every meal, no matter what.

          And our friend never exercises, weighs 115, and looks like a model. She clearly has an understanding with Satan.

      • Kim

        Yes, I love my rice & beans. No letting goooo…

      • Cleojonz

        Switch to brown. I actually like the texture brown rice much better than white rice.

        • God Shammgod

          You a lie.

          • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

            I agree with Cleojonz

            • God Shammgod

              You a yardie who prefers brown rice???

              • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                Married into it. Murican here

          • Cleojonz

            I swear fo God Sham! I got a good value bag from costco and it is money :)

          • NonyaB?

            Agreed, brown rice is ick. May I suggest black rice, white rice or quinoa as alternatives to @cleojonz:disqus and @disqus_NauO1vWEEq:disqus

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              No you may not.

              • NonyaB?

                *Diddy-smacks you with bowl of black rice* Take that, Take that, Take that!

            • Blackberry02

              Once you go black, you never go back. ?

              • NonyaB?

                Ahahaaa! Sho you right!

        • Val

          I love the sticky starchy goodness of White rice though, Cleo. And, it’s so versatile. But maybe I’ll give brown a chance again. :-)

          • SororSalsa

            Val, I’ve learned how to dress up brown rice so that it’s very tasty. I start with onions & garlic and try out different spices depending on what I’m cooking at the time. Throw in some tomatoes and you’ve got a healthy tasty dish!

        • CozyVon

          I’ve tried & tried to get with brown rice, whole wheat pastas, etc.–but they just taste like sand to me. Right now I’m all “brown rice be damned” & all about the jasmine.

          • Cleojonz

            I love Jasmine rice too. I love all rice truth be told, (brown best) I could eat it every day, but alas I can’t do that anymore.

            I had some whole grain pasta for lunch today and I have built a tolerance for it. If you over cook it it’s not as bad lol. It IS very much like eating flavored cardboard though.

          • SouthwestDekalb

            Jasmine rice was and still is that thang, but try a lil yellow rice every now and then. Extremely flavorful, I use it in my stir fry and jambalaya! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/89431d079b14aea0b9f9109a482a3418bab69c59b7566bfce60161c489407d26.jpg

          • Gibbous

            Jasmine rice smells like hot buttered popcorn – even with nothing added. YUM!

        • SororSalsa

          Cleo, I’m with you! I cook brown rice most of the time. And yes, high five on the Costco bag. The only time i eat white rice now is if I’m at my mom’s (who refuses to cook brown rice) or if I do homemade Chinese. Which, since I’m not buying takeout, is really healthy so I feel like I can have it every once in a while. Moderation has been the key for me. Total deprivation is dangerous for me so I just eat very small amounts of the things I love.

          • Cleojonz

            My kids are notoriously terrible eaters. My littlest loves rice more than anything. She didn’t even notice the switch. Go figure.

        • Gibbous

          For me, the key to brown rice was a rice cooker. No stirring, burning or what have you. I’m a tolerable cook, but rice was my nemisis. I’ll cook rice on a Sunday and eat it all week! Knowing what a serving is also helps.

      • Tears Of A Tiger

        Rice is my love language. Sigh.

        • miss t-lee

          *Bread

      • Asiyah

        Val! I miss you darling! xoxo

        • Val

          Hiya, Asiyah! Miss you too. Happy New Year!

          *eHUG*

      • Blackberry02

        Try quinoa, Val. I had a love affair with white rice, then I cheated on it with brown rice.

        Now, my new lover in quinoa.

      • Michelle

        I tried quitting rice….
        And then my godmother brought over a pot of jollof rice…

    • cdj

      Congrats on the weight loss! Boiled potatoes, huh? Plain? Do you have a low fat potato salad recipe?

      • Diego Duarte

        Nope, just throw’em in and boil them. Tastes bland, but it’s preferrable than any other kind of carb. I just use them to accompany steak, meat, or any type of Peruvian food.

        • Cleojonz

          White potatoes though? Because I thought that was a no no.

          • Diego Duarte

            Yellow potatoes. Small, round ones. Peruvians don’t export that many of those abroad, though they often show up from time to time at Fiesta.

            • Cleojonz

              Okay, I don’t know Peruvian potatoes but sounds like fingerlings would do. I love red potatoes but I roast them not boil them.

              • Diego Duarte

                Peruvian potatoes? Cleojonz, ALL potatoes are of Peruvian origin. ALL of them. Every. Single. One.

                Google is your friend. I am not kidding, the Spanish conquistadores took them from Peru and spread them everywhere else. But we retain several varieties that do not grow anywhere else in the world.

                • Cleojonz

                  Hey don’t make fun, even you just said there are several varieties that don’t grow anywhere else. I assumed that’s what you meant by your prior comment. I can’t be googling everything lol.

                  • Diego Duarte

                    Sorry, don’t take it personally. It’s just really that hard not pushing and promoting your heritage when your country is responsible for the entire world having French fries.

                    (Also, best destination to eat in the world award for 5-years in a row)

                    • Cleojonz

                      “It’s just really that hard not pushing and promoting your heritage when
                      your country is responsible for the entire world having French fries.”

                      That, in and of itself is the gift that keeps on giving. My children thank your peoples lol.

    • Hugh Akston

      That’s pretty awesome

      I can’t maintain weight for the life of me the max I’ve weighted was 180 and that lasted about two weeks My body can’t maintain that much weight beyond 170

      And I barely eat any sweets… but rice is life…though you’re right I substitute potato or plantains sometimes

      • If you’re trying to hold on to weight you have to eat wayyyyyyyyy more that you’re accustomed to. When I started training I was 160lb. Six years later, I’m 205lbs by steadily forcing myself to either eat a pound of meat/poultry/fish or a dozen eggs in some form every day, without fail.

        Olive oil in stuff is also a decent way to add more calories.

        • Hugh Akston

          Don’t you feel sick like you’re about to throw up? That’s how I felt when I gained the weight…I was eating about 6-7 meals a day following the insanity workout meal plan which is a lot..and as soon as I drop back for like a week everything was gone…that’s how my body is for now..but at the time I was also running about three to 4 miles a day and about 7-10 on the weekends…so it just felt like my body wa saying “don’t do this to me again” lol

          • Then ditch the plan. You can only eat that much food if you’re doing weight resistance work, and Insanity isn’t a hypertrophy or strength building system. You’re probably eating too much if you’re doing Insanity, but the diet would work if you were running Starting Strength or 5/3/1.

            My diet (each meal is around 800 to 1000 calories, save for snacks)
            Fasted cardio (20 minutes ellitpcal)
            Breakfast: spinach with scrambled eggs/ oatmeal
            Snack: Apple, beef jerky, cheese
            Lunch: Chipolte burrito with extra steak
            Snack: Apple, beef jerky, cheese
            Training for the day- one hour, based around barbell work and conditioning via farmer’s walks.
            Dinner: Some chicken, beef, or fish dish

            Rather than feeling stuffed, I feel a constant sense of low level hunger throughout the day.

            • Hugh Akston

              i did lol i wasn’t doing insanity i just liked their meal plan…had my own routine going on..

              copied that will try to mix some of that..thanks

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              bro eat hot peppers. they kill hunger dead

      • NonyaB?

        Why d’you want to gain weight though? Nothing wrong with thin/slim as long as it’s a lean fit. How tall are you?

        • Hugh Akston

          i wanted to see how much weight my body could handle as i was never beyond 170lbs…but as soon as i reached 180 my body was just like “nah homie it isn’t happening”..so now im back fluctuating between my normal weight which is 165-170 if im just eating regularly if i go beyond that within a couple days id lose that extra couple of lbs smh and im 6’2 smh

          • NonyaB?

            Stay within your natural range, incorporate activity/exercise around it for general fitness and don’t fxck with your metabolism, which sounds high (ironically what others aspire to). People forget that aside from weight, metabolism also affects how your body responds to different things (medication, recovery, etc), so, deliberately changing a healthy one for superficial reasons isn’t optimal.

            • Hugh Akston

              Not sure if it’s superficial since I was a kid I always try to push my body to see it’s limits…fell down a mountain trying to see how fast I could run on the way down…yeah don’t try that lol

          • Blackberry02

            You’re 6’2″ and 160 – 170, which may be mostly muscle?

            I need you to increase your calorie intake or stop the insanity workouts, fam. You’re underweight.

            • Hugh Akston

              Yes mom I’ll make sure to eat my greens :)

              • Blackberry02

                More like chicken, turkey, potatoes, eggs, whole grains,…

                Aren’t you of West Indian or African descent? How can this be possible? Lol.

                • Hugh Akston

                  yes mom, anything else?

                  west indian? hmmm

                  african descent? aren’t we all?

                  and how can what be possible?

                  • Blackberry02

                    Actually yes, HA, you need to drink more water, get more sleep, and go take a walk around your neighborhood and meet new people. Introduce yourself. You’re cute and tall, so you’ll have no problems. ?

                    You know what I’m talking about! But with that comment, I think you’re WI. Guyanese?

                    How can you and I pretty much weigh the same, yet you’re half a foot taller? If we’re all of African descent, and I enjoy filling my belly, then you should, too!

                    • Hugh Akston

                      Lmao you’re a funny

                      This was dinner for me https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1255d3d51d6af8831c9d500cdc8768cb72025c5282766e98355452e8c023c201.jpg

                      No way I’m going to walk my black behind in this cold weather just to pray that I meet some random stranger and hope that I can clown myself enough to ask for her number then she says yes and then I text her and wait five hundred years for….”hi” smh is that what you do? lol

                      But not Guyanese lol

                      You should be asking my body that…I eat it just doesn’t know how to hold on to weight…you’re 5’6 ish huh hmm

                      I enjoy eating as well lol just not to the point of throwing up

                    • Strawberry03

                      Yes, food! That looks so yummy! Make sure you eat it all, too. Lol. (Not necessarily in the same sitting, though. I’m not trying to have you throw up.) That looks like chicken and plantain with greens. (Is that right?) Add some sweet potatoes or quinoa to complete the meal, next time.

                      Okay, I’ll give you a pass because I know it’s like 5 degrees outside. BUT when the mercury rises to at least the freezing point, I expect you to be outside mixing and mingling. ?

                      Yeah, when you do meet a prospective hacker-ess, please don’t text her when you get her number; you’re not trying to get a new FB friend. CALL HER. If she doesn’t pick up, leave a voice mail, stating that she should call you back.

                      Okay, so you’re Trini.

                      So, I thought you were 6’2″, not 6″. (Right?) I’m 5’8″.

                    • Hugh Akston

                      it was korean bbq :)

                      no mingling for me..that sounds like a headache…focusing on getting my money..

                      lol whats up with you and hackers? im more of a pirate than a hacker…

                      thanks for the tip..but i guess i was exaggerating…but truth be told i don’t usually ask for anyone’s number….usually just give mine…i figured a lady would probably get 200 guys asking for her number on a daily basis..so its easier to just say “here’s mine”…but 99% of the time no text or call so that’s fine with me..lol i enjoy no headaches life…no arguments about anything…and also if a lady is really interested in a guy she would have no problem going up and ask for his number or say hello…they have enough guys running their ways…so they have options

                      i have to call her, and if she doesn’t pick up, i have to leave a voice mail, and tell her to call me back? who the heck is me? lol no thanks women are independent if they want to call me they don’t need me to tell them anything…lol

                      nope not Trini lol…but i do have good Trini friends

                      oh i just wanted you tell me your height jk ;) and yeah im 6’2

                    • Strawberry03

                      Was it good? (I’ve been meaning to check out this Korean BBQ spot, too.) What exactly did you get?

                      Listen, I don’t know too much about the computer underground world, so pardon my limited vocabulary. However, it’s good to know that I can get Windows 11 from you before it drops.

                      “just say “here’s mine”…but 99% of the time no text or call so that’s fine with me..lol i enjoy no headaches life…no arguments about anything…and also if a lady is really interested in a guy she would have no problem going up and ask for his number or say hello…they have enough guys running their ways…so they have options”

                      I think we need to work on broadening your perspective on women in 2017. I keep hearing you give same description of how you think most women operate; it’s simply not accurate. (Translated in your language: all women aren’t hackers; some are pirates.)

                      But, yeah, I wouldn’t call a man first either, if he gave me his number. Call me old school, but I think that a man should initiate contact on the phone. Though, I do throw “alley-oops” to men, who are eye-ing me, to show that is safe to strike up a conversation in public.

                      “i have to call her, and if she doesn’t pick up, i have to leave a voice mail, and tell her to call me back? who the heck is me?”

                      Someone who wants a women to do ALL of the work in a relationship.

                      “lol no thanks women are independent if they want to call me they don’t need me to tell them anything…lol”

                      But, they have to know that you’re interested in them or want them calling you, HA. Would you want a stranger contacting you – or even speaking to you in public – that you weren’t interested in?

                      Without us having to replay same conversation that we had before on relationships, I’ll just recommend that you re-read our last conversation.

                      So, are you JA?

                      “oh i just wanted you tell me your height jk ;) and yeah im 6’2”

                      Or, you want to play it off because you didn’t do the math correctly. ??

                    • Hugh Akston

                      “Was it good?”

                      of course lol

                      (“I’ve been meaning to check out this Korean BBQ spot, too.”)

                      what stopped you? you in NY right?

                      “Listen, I don’t know too much about the computer underground world, so pardon my limited vocabulary. However, it’s good to know that I can get Windows 11 from you before it drops.”

                      lol there you go again being funny…but don’t think there will be a windows 11…but whatever the next OS is…it shouldn’t be any issue getting it :)

                      “I think we need to work on broadening your perspective on women in 2017.”

                      please enlighten me lol

                      “I keep hearing you give same description of how you think most women operate; it’s simply not accurate. (Translated in your language: all women aren’t hackers; some are pirates.)”

                      exceptions don’t make the rule :)

                      “But, yeah, I wouldn’t call a man first either, if he gave me his number.”

                      welp then that means you weren’t interested…and he actually respects you as in if you don’t want anything to happen well you just delete the number…he doesn’t have yours…only you have it…at least that’s how i view it..

                      “but I think that a man should initiate contact on the phone.”

                      why? women aren’t capable of initiate that contact? hmm

                      “Though, I do throw “alley-oops” to men, who are eye-ing me, to show that is safe to strike up a conversation in public.”

                      lol cool…

                      “Someone who wants a women to do ALL of the work in a relationship.”

                      wait wayytttt…so i go up to someone, strike a conversation, make her laugh, and feel the vibe, and then at the end im like “you sound like a cool person, here is my number, hit me up if you ever want to go grab some korean bbq or something” im the one that wants the person to do all the work? lol nah it sounds like its you that wants that…you want someone to make you smile have a good conversation, and then after that chase after you in hope of you sending a “oh hi” text…and then never respond again after the person says “hey how is your day?” “hey there is a movie tonight would you like to go?” “hey are you ok, it was nice seeing you the other day just wanted to say hi” lmao

                      no thank you..i’ll pass if a lady has a guy’s number that means she has a 1001 other numbers she can choose from…if she doesn’t send a text to one that mean she’s texting someone else..while all the rest are mulling “did i say something wrong? is she going to text me tonight?” smh am i exaggerating…maybe just a litle bit…but you know that’s how girls get down…it may not be YOU…personally but you should know enough…i see what some of my boys are going though…and some of my own experiences…i think i’ve learned enough of the GAME…and i say…im good being single…don’t want to bother anyone nor am i going to chase after anyone just for “oh hi, who is you again?” lol

                      “Would you want a stranger contacting you – or even speaking to you in public – that you weren’t interested in?”

                      lol that’s what i mean…if she doesn’t hit me up after i gave her my number then that means she wasn’t interested…that power lies with with women, not men…its like sending a resumee…the employer gets a 1001 daily.and if they’re not interested you are not going to get a call..and if the person have my number then that means i am intersted otherwise they wouldn’t lol

                      “Without us having to replay same conversation that we had before on relationships, I’ll just recommend that you re-read our last conversation.”

                      bleh lol girls going to be girls…and i’ll stay in my little corner

                      “So, are you JA?”

                      lol no not JA i’ll give you a hint…in lewru am mbido wawi halde demgal didi..demgal goto woni farese, ina wawi demgal didi a fami? kono mi wona tou couleur :)

                      “Or, you want to play it off because you didn’t do the math correctly.”

                      ey…an a fami :)

                    • Strawberry03

                      “what stopped you? you in NY right?”

                      I don’t eat take out food that often. I usually cook because I find it to be healthier. But every once in a while I try a different country’s cuisine. Korean BBQ is on my list to try next.

                      As for my longitude and latitude, I never divulge, as I am everywhere. I might just be ten minutes away from you, HA. ?

                      “exceptions don’t make the rule :)”

                      And you can’t create a rule based on your limited experiences.

                      “…welp then that means you weren’t interested…”

                      Exactly.

                      “…and he actually respects you as in if you don’t want anything to happen well you just delete the number…”

                      I mean that’s fine if he respects me (I would assume so since he gave me his number). But at that point, I would have deleted his number because I wouldn’t be interested in talking to him.

                      “wait wayytttt…so i go up to someone, strike a conversation, make her laugh, and feel the vibe, and then at the end im like “you sound like a cool person, here is my number, hit me up if you ever want to go grab some korean bbq or something””

                      I believe that if a man is interested in a woman, he will initiate contact by calling her. If he puts the onus on the woman, then that is a signal that he’s not that interested in her. Or, he possesses some other traits that are not compatible with me.

                      Thus, if a man approached me like how you expressed above, I’d immediately think that he’s: not that interested, passive, indecisive, and/or young. Since I do not want to be in a relationship with a man that possesses any of those traits, I’d wouldn’t take him seriously.

                      Side note: are you younger than 30?

                      “…lol nah it sounds like its you that wants that…you want someone to make you smile have a good conversation, and then after that chase after you in hope of you sending a “oh hi” text…”

                      So, if he’s texting me after I just met him, I wouldn’t take him seriously. I don’t have initial text message conversations with men that I’ve just met – only conversations where I can hear his voice.

                      Obviously, I’m not suggesting that I’ll never text him, but the bulk of our initial conversations will be on the phone (or in person when we go out on dates).

                      “…and then never respond again after the person says “hey how is your day?” “hey there is a movie tonight would you like to go?” “hey are you ok, it was nice seeing you the other day just wanted to say hi” lmao”

                      Again, there’s way too much reliance on texting. As you have described, it is hard (and sometimes unclear) to detect the level of a person’s interest through text – especially if they don’t respond within a timely fashion.
                      There’s nothing wrong with texting, but in the initial stages of dating, I prefer to have more conversations where I can hear his voice.

                      “no thank you..i’ll pass if a lady has a guy’s number that means she has a 1001 other numbers she can choose from…if she doesn’t send a text to one that mean she’s texting someone else..”

                      Or, she’s just not that into you.

                      She very well may not have anyone else to text; she just knows that she’s interested in you and doesn’t want to waste her time.

                      “…while all the rest are mulling “did i say something wrong? is she going to text me tonight?” smh am i exaggerating…maybe just a litle bit…but you know that’s how girls get down…it may not be YOU…personally but you should know enough…i see what some of my boys are going though…and some of my own experiences…i think i’ve learned enough of the GAME…and i say…im good being single…don’t want to bother anyone nor am i going to chase after anyone just for “oh hi, who is you again?” lol”

                      I think your approach (of giving a girl your number coupled with texting girls you’ve just met) may be stifling your ability to get past that first conversation in Starbucks. Thus, your negative experiences (and that of your boys’) have created this mindset that dating women is challenging.

                      I’d be interested in some of experiences where you got her number and called her. Did she seem reluctant to talk to you on the phone or go out on dates in these instances?

                      I’d also like to know who were your role models that showed you how to approach and interact with women.

                      “…its like sending a resumee…the employer gets a 1001 daily.and if they’re not interested you are not going to get a call..and if the person have my number then that means i am intersted otherwise they wouldn’t lol”

                      Based on this comment, I’m starting to think that you may be a millenial. Even if you submit your resumé, you should ALWAYS follow up and inquire about the status of your application. (The only instance will be if they explicitly state not to, as they will contact you if they’re interested.)

                      This underscores your determination to secure the position, despite the sea of applicants. It also shows that you aren’t intimidated to speak to the hiring manager and communicate that YOU are the best fit for the job. Essentially, they need not look any further because they should hire YOU.

                      Similarly, if a girl is a “potential employer” and you “really want the job”, then you should do everything in your power to communicate that interest. Now, giving her the liberty to call you whenever she pleases after she meets you, or texting her during the initial stages, is the not best way to communicate YOUR interest, in my opinion.

                      You need to be in control and go after what you want. If you get rejected, that’s fine; you’re not trying to control her. But you won’t ever have to wonder if it was due to your lack of effort.

                      “lol no not JA i’ll give you a hint…in lewru am mbido wawi halde demgal didi..demgal goto woni farese, ina wawi demgal didi a fami? kono mi wona tou couleur :)”

                      Fam, I don’t know what you said and neither does Google Translate. Lol.

                    • Hugh Akston

                      “But every once in a while I try a different country’s cuisine. Korean BBQ is on my list to try next.”

                      haha i try to do that every Friday, or Saturday…interesting

                      “And you can’t create a rule based on your limited experiences”

                      ehh of course i can :) lol don’t we all? humans by nature are limited, therefore everything they do will be limited :)

                      “I mean that’s fine if he respects me (I would assume so since he gave me his number). But at that point, I would have deleted his number because I wouldn’t be interested in talking to him.”

                      proving my point of why bother

                      “I believe that if a man is interested in a woman, he will initiate contact by calling her. If he puts the onus on the woman, then that is a signal that he’s not that interested in her. Or, he possesses some other traits that are not compatible with me.”

                      well you somewhat conceded if he approaches you and open the conversation and then give you his number after making you feeling all fuzzy inside he has some interest, but you on the other hand, what have you done to show your interest? smile? :) lol

                      “Thus, if a man approached me like how you expressed above, I’d immediately think that he’s: not that interested, passive, indecisive, and/or young. Since I do not want to be in a relationship with a man that possesses any of those traits, I’d wouldn’t take him seriously.”

                      see that’s why it could never work between us..i would say hi to you and make you smile and all fuzzy, and keep you interested…then i’d give you my number hoping you could say “hello”..but by the time you leave Starbucks my number would be in limbo…so…shrugs lol

                      “Side note: are you younger than 30?”

                      hmmm :)

                      “So, if he’s texting me after I just met him, I wouldn’t take him seriously. I don’t have initial text message conversations with men that I’ve just met – only conversations where I can hear his voice.”

                      hence “hey there is a movie tonight, want to join me?” “hey you want to grab a cup of coffee?” but i guess it wouldn’t matter because you could never call the person or say hello after that first initial interaction (i’ll take your words)

                      “Or, she’s just not that into you.”

                      i know…and that’s why i stay in my corner and don’t waste my time…some of my boys are shooting their shots and getting nowhere smh im trying to convince them though (then again some are fathers because they didn’t heed to my wisdom :)

                      “Thus, your negative experiences (and that of your boys’) have created this mindset that dating women is challenging.”

                      uhh that’s actually a fact…wives usually live longer than their husbands..they just couldn’t take it…lol quick joke (a wife came home one evening and she saw her husband looking at their marriage certificate and she was like “honey what are you looking for?” and he replied “the expiration date” i know you’re laughing :)

                      “I’d be interested in some of experiences where you got her number and called her. Did she seem reluctant to talk to you on the phone or go out on dates in these instances?”

                      hmmm too long to tell..but lets put that way…at some point in time…some contacted me back..by then i had no idea who they were

                      “I’d also like to know who were your role models that showed you how to approach and interact with women.”

                      haha i’d have to divulge in the time before and after…before i used to believe in all of the love stuff and finding the one*, and after where my view became “ehhh”

                      “Based on this comment, I’m starting to think that you may be a millenial.”

                      hmmm

                      “Even if you submit your resumé, you should ALWAYS follow up and inquire about the status of your application. (The only instance will be if they explicitly state not to, as they will contact you if they’re interested.)”

                      not all analogies are perfect but my point stands…i recall turning down a company never put it in my mind that i was irreplaceable…just figured that they would find someone else..as they had many options…didn’t really follow up (i usually don’t but i would have to explain how i apply for jobs)…yet they called me and tried to persuade me…they didn’t have to…but i almost changed my mind

                      “Similarly, if a girl is a “potential employer” and you “really want the job”, then you should do everything in your power to communicate that interest. Now, giving her the liberty to call you whenever she pleases after she meets you, or texting her during the initial stages, is the not best way to communicate YOUR interest, in my opinion.”

                      i can’t do it any other way…i’ve tried it the other way…and it simply didn’t matter…so i don’t go around thinking about it much…i used to be initiator and trying to call get her out and all of that…but meh..i like freedom…you have my number you can text me at any point…or call me..and if you don’t? well life goes on…don’t think much about it

                      “You need to be in control and go after what you want. If you get rejected, that’s fine; you’re not trying to control her. But you won’t ever have to wonder if it was due to your lack of effort.”

                      lol im usually in control…never been drunk because the idea of not able to think and doubting reality is one of my greatest fears…and flying…because im not in control…rejections don’t bother me at all…just stop caring…

                      “Fam, I don’t know what you said and neither does Google Translate. Lol.”

                      lol look up Pulaar or fulani :-)

                    • Raspberry04

                      “ehh of course i can :) lol don’t we all?”

                      Uh, no. Some of us realize that our experiences, although poignant, don’t become a generalized rule simply because we’ve experienced it.

                      “…well you somewhat conceded if he approaches you and open the conversation and then give you his number after making you feeling all fuzzy inside he has some interest, but you on the other hand, what have you done to show your interest? smile? :) lol”

                      You call it “conceit”. I call it “knowing what I want in a man”.

                      Uh, HA, you ain’t the only dude that makes a woman feel warm and fuzzy inside. (Plus, if a woman wanted to feel warm and fuzzy inside by herself, she could always ….:signal fades:) So, that aspect alone won’t EVER keep a woman’s attention.

                      So, if a man approaches me, and we engage in a conversation, that demonstrates my reciprocal interest. I don’t engage with men that don’t interest me.

                      “..
                      see that’s why it could never work between us..i would say hi to you and make you smile and all fuzzy, and keep you interested…then i’d give you my number hoping you could say “hello”..but by the time you leave Starbucks my number would be in limbo…so…shrugs lol”

                      Facts. Your number would be deleted before I went back to my car.

                      “hence “hey there is a movie tonight, want to join me?” “hey you want to grab a cup of coffee?” but i guess it wouldn’t matter because you could never call the person or say hello after that first initial interaction (i’ll take your words)”

                      Again. Just. Say. No. To. Texting.

                      When you meet someone for the first time, the next convo best be on that telly. Then, that’s where you ask her out.

                      Yeah, I still do believe that a man should initate contact by phone – and it hasn’t stopped me from going to that movie or grabbing that cup of coffee with him, either. ?

                      “…some of my boys are shooting their shots and getting nowhere smh im trying to convince them though (then again some are fathers because they didn’t heed to my wisdom :)”

                      No, they’re fathers because they didn’t wrap it up or their pull out game is weak.

                      “uhh that’s actually a fact…wives usually live longer than their husbands..they just couldn’t take it…”

                      It’s more like husbands are usually in poorer health and do less to maintain good health.

                      “…lol quick joke (a wife came home one evening and she saw her husband looking at their marriage certificate and she was like “honey what are you looking for?” and he replied “the expiration date” i know you’re laughing :)””

                      I must admit, I chuckled. However, not for too long because the men that I know,who are marriages where they don’t like their spouse, also would not have taken heed to MY wisdom (now, I’ll take your words).

                      “hmmm too long to tell..but lets put that way…at some point in time…some contacted me back..by then i had no idea who they were”

                      C’mon, HA. What happened? Did you wait a week to call her, and she didn’t remember who you were when you did?

                      Give me at least one instance when you got the digits, called her within a couple of days, then asked her out on a date.

                      “…haha i’d have to divulge in the time before and after…before i used to believe in all of the love stuff and finding the one*, and after where my view became “ehhh””

                      I’m listening…?

                      “Side note: are you younger than 30?”

                      hmmm :)

                      I knew it. All y’all millennials act the same.

                      So, the last comment got cut off (the one where I compared the pursuit of a woman to submitting an application for a job). Please re-send.

                      Also, I have one guess of where you’re from. Sak passe?

                    • Hugh Akston

                      “Some of us realize that our experiences, although poignant, don’t become a generalized rule simply because we’ve experienced it.”

                      i’ll put that aside for a moment :)

                      “Uh, HA, you ain’t the only dude that makes a woman feel warm and fuzzy inside. (Plus, if a woman wanted to feel warm and fuzzy inside by herself, she could always ….:signal fades:) So, that aspect alone won’t EVER keep a woman’s attention.”

                      lol that’s been the whole point of the conversation…and i agree…i know im not the only dude that can do xyz…never thought of myself that way..its more the opposite…a woman have many options to choose from…she can converse with whomever she wants…(mostly) and would have no problem getting a guy with little effort…so i don’t understand the notion that the guy must be the one chasing after the woman after any initiating a conversation and exchange numbers…and yes many dudes can make a woman feel and warm fuzzy…so why preach the notion of a unicorn?…

                      love is…well a feeling that fizzles in due time…so i always view myself as…well just another guy…but some of the women that i’ve interacted with make me seem like im some sort of unicorn and never been with anyone else like me…blah blah but those were mere words action speak louder

                      ” So, if a man approaches me, and we engage in a conversation, that demonstrates my reciprocal interest. I don’t engage with men that don’t interest me.”

                      take the “you” out for a second…are you saying that no woman give fake signals? but let’s go with what you said…engaging a man means that you’re interested right? the thing is there is no dictionary that can translate that…you could just be being cordial..if someone take the initial step of asking or giving a phone number…then we can say that person might be interested in you…

                      “Facts. Your number would be deleted before I went back to my car.”

                      ehh who is John Galt? lol but i already know that though lol hence why i try to stay in my corner :)

                      “Again. Just. Say. No. To. Texting.
                      When you meet someone for the first time, the next convo best be on that telly. Then, that’s where you ask her out.”

                      if she calls me or text me i’ll answer…but im not going to call…funny enough i do what you do…if we both exchange numbers…by the time i get to my car…i delete it…figures most likely she won’t be calling or texting any time soon lol life goes on…

                      “Yeah, I still do believe that a man should initate contact by phone – and it hasn’t stopped me from going to that movie or grabbing that cup of coffee with him, either. ?”

                      old school huh? but you can’t be old school to its logical end…(assuming here which i can be wrong)..i used to believe that too at one point in time…but “le vent se levre il faut tenter de vivre”..

                      “No, they’re fathers because they didn’t wrap it up or their pull out game is weak.”

                      lol nah they put too much trust in teh women..”she says she’s on birth control” me “yo, keep your socks on don’t trust a word she says” “…nah man she’s special she wouldn’t do anything”.. me “don’t do it, control yourself”…welp one of my best friends just welcomed his new born the other night i’ll be flying in april or may to visit him smh

                      “It’s more like husbands are usually in poorer health and do less to maintain good health.”

                      maybe…

                      “C’mon, HA. What happened? Did you wait a week to call her, and she didn’t remember who you were when you did?”

                      hmmm

                      “Give me at least one instance when you got the digits, called her within a couple of days, then asked her out on a date.”

                      welp…see there was this one time…. :)

                      “I knew it. All y’all millennials act the same.”

                      never confirmed that im one…the debate is still out lol but uhh didn’t someone say oh what was it again? “Some of us realize that our experiences, although poignant, don’t become a generalized rule simply because we’ve experienced it.” your words lol

                      “More like you DON’T want to do it another way.”

                      well we are a product of our experiences, neh? lol

                      “This is what people, who have been bothered by something long enough, say.”

                      lol if you want to doubt that…that’s on you…i still fall asleep within 5 minutes at night…life goes..it is silly to hold to things that you can’t control…i live by own code…not anyone else’s..no matter the burden…

                      “Also, I have one more guess of where you’re from. Senegal?”

                      hmm i’ll let you choose :)

                      “Yeah, we definitely wouldn’t work. I love to fly.?”

                      very true…i hate flying…though im planning my summer trip…been to all the continents except S America…Antartica does not count…lol

                    • Raspberry04

                      “…love is…well a feeling that fizzles in due time…so i always view myself as…well just another guy…”

                      In my opinion, love is an opinion AND an action. I believe that even though you can say that love someone, if your actions don’t align with what you proclaim, it ain’t love. Like saying you’ll show up to work, but not doing so will show a lack of commitment to that job.

                      “are you saying that no woman give fake signals?”

                      Of course not. But I can’t speak for those (or any other) women, I can only speak for myself. And don’t act like men don’t sell wolf tickets either.

                      “…engaging a man means that you’re interested right? the thing is there is no dictionary that can translate that…you could just be being cordial…”

                      Or, I could be reciprocating interest. You seem to have a negative perspective on relationships. May I call you Eeyore?

                      “…if someone take the initial step of asking or giving a phone number…then we can say that person might be interested in you..

                      But, I’m not doubting your interest. (Men rarely approach women that they are not interested in.) I’m concerned about your lack of follow through (in initiating contact).

                      “…ehh who is John Galt? lol but i already know that though lol hence why i try to stay in my corner :)”

                      Yeah, I don’t get the joke (perhaps because I haven’t read the book).

                      “lol nah they put too much trust in teh women..”she says she’s on birth control” me “yo, keep your socks on don’t trust a word she says” “…nah man she’s special she wouldn’t do anything”.. me “don’t do it, control yourself”…”

                      Men should always take precautions in birth control – and not just put the onus on the woman. BC is not 100% effective, and he should at least be concerned about bit contracting an STI or HIV. Further, she very well may be on it (and not lying to trap him), but missed a dosage.

                      It happens.

                      “…never confirmed that im one…the debate is still out lol”

                      At this point, you BETTER be because if you’re over 30 and think this way, I’d be concerned.

                      “well we are a product of our experiences, neh? lol”

                      Not if you decide to change something that isn’t working in your life. #ManInTheMirror

                      Okay, HA. I’m done talking about this. I’m getting bored.

                      Let’s agree to disagree and I’ll see you on another post! ?

                    • Hugh Akston

                      “Okay, HA. I’m done talking about this. I’m getting bored.
                      Let’s agree to disagree and I’ll see you on another post! ?”

                      Cool ?

          • Mary

            You must be young, son. Nobody over 35 would even consider doing that! Be careful about messing up your metabolism.

    • cancergirl08

      Carbs are my kryptonite. Will never be able to give up flour or rice, so moderation it is for me :)

    • FeeFee

      I hate you. “The secret is “there’s no secret”.” I hate you. Crushed all my dreams.

      • Diego Duarte

        Sorry fam. Being overweight for almost all of my life (29 out of 30 years).

        – Tried all “fancy” diets.
        – Tried all workouts.
        – Tried all the little “tricks”, gizmo’s and gadgets being advertised on Info-mercials.
        – Tried wishing it away on wishing wells.
        – Tried just eating and hoping it goes away on its own.

        Doesn’t work. What does work:

        1- Realizing it will take between 6 months and a year to lose that weight.
        2- Realizing that you need to change your diet and habits, for good.
        3- Buying a scale and keeping track of your weight, at least twice a day (once in the morning after going to the bathroom, and once at night before going to bed).
        4- Buying a scale and keeping track of your weight, writing it down.
        5- BUYING A SCALE AND KEEPING TRACK OF YOUR WEIGHT (no, this isn’t a broken record, this CANNOT be overstated enough).
        6- Abandon all carbs whilst doing the weight loss.

        I’ll keep you posted on any updates while I write my new book “Waiting for my Thesis to finish itself on its own”. So far this experiment is yielding no results either…

        • Good post. “Fancy diets” don’t work, and people will have to work longer than they thought. Kill the trends and do the work.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          Small correction to #6. Abandon simple carbs/carbs with a high glycemic index.. For instance, broccoli is a carb, but a great source of calories when trying to slim down.

        • Okay, so when you say abandon all carbs… do you mean, like, except for 3-4 times a week? ‘Cause my brain is trying to comprehend.

          • Diego Duarte

            ‘K, so you remember that whole article where Harvard U was ousted for having downplayed the role of sugar in heart disease and obesity? Well, actually eating refined sugars, and carbs in general, are what causes you to gain weight and stay fat.

            So, other than fruit (which has natural sugar), anything that has added sugar in it, you gotta avoid. Replace all rice with potatoes (not fried ones mind you) and stop eating all that sugar and flour.

            Meat, poultry, fish you can have. Pastries, chocolate, cookies and the like, you cannot.

            Mostly, regularly weight yourself (every day) to check how sugar and carbs impact your diet. Then adjust your intake accordingly. It’s what I do now. I have gone back to eating carbs, but because I know how many I can eat now.

            • Okay. I appreciate you taking the time to spell it out. I’m gonna need to break up with pasta it seems. But I’ll do it slowly so it never notices I’m gone.

          • Blackberry02

            Okay, bangs! Give ’em what they want to see, Sawyer!

        • FeeFee

          I hear you, but I’m still gonna give that waist trainer a try lol. It’s my lost shot.

          • Diego Duarte

            From the guy who leaves his laptop open, with books around it, hoping his thesis will write itself one of these days, go ahead.

            • Mary

              You know you just gotta hold your breath and write without stopping or thinking. Just get all those ideas out of your brain and onto the paper; no checking, not thinking, just write. After a day or so, you’ll read it, your main focus will be pretty clear, weak arguments will be clear too, and it will be better than you think. That’ll be your map, now get cracking!

          • Blackberry02

            Girl, don’t do the waist trainer. They’re not safe!

        • Helga G.Pataki

          You know…you may be right. I’ve been up and down with my weight (but mostly overweight) all my life. Whenever I drop down in weight I tend to start “feeling myself” and forgetting that the fat girl in me is a determined little thang and next thing I know the weight is back on. I’m going to try this weight tracking thing this year. Thanks!

        • Blackberry02

          “Waiting for my Thesis to finish itself on its own”

          You could read my e-book on that, D. I published it about 8 years ago. Lol!

        • Gibbous

          I used to work at Barnes & Noble. All diet books/plans (Except for the Atkins) are just a hook to get you to exercise, drink water, get plenty of rest, and eat senisbly – portion control is key! (Americans are notoriously bad at “If a little is good, a lot must be great! Every damn thing, from dark chocolate to wine to french fries! If a little is good, just have a little. Trust me, you’ll still be happy.)

          The Atkins Diet was developed so that morbidly obese people could safely loose enough weight to survive the anesthesiology during bariatric surgery. It was not meant for anybody else. You’re gonna die!

        • TJ84

          I was going to say the same thing as Kas. Please don’t abandon all carbs. Especially if you’re pairing that with high intensity or weighted workouts. It’s okay to have white rice; just don’t eat 4 cups of it at dinner. I’m an avid CrossFitter. I have recently changed my entire diet and eating to maximize performance, and I can’t tell you enough the importance of carbs. I have carbs with every single meal, except breakfast. It’s not about complete elimination; it’s about balance.

        • I am right here with you. I’ll be 29 in a few weeks and I got sick and tired of fighting my body, so I started getting right in December (bad timing lol). But I’ve lost 7lbs in 3 weeks just from cutting back starches & sugar. *weeps silently for the bread I can no longer eat* Maybe I’ll eventually go cold turkey but for now I’m fine with slow but steady progress. In the meantime, weighing in every day is keeping me in check. If you have a lot of weight to lose it helps you to course correct IMMEDIATELY, which is essential.

        • “M”

          “29 out of 30 years”? I’m struggling with the thought of your having been “over”weight since you were 1 year old, boo.

          I’ll keep you posted on any updates while I write my new book “Waiting for my Thesis to finish itself on its own”.

          *dying*

    • Asiyah

      ¡Felicidades!

      • Diego Duarte

        Gracias :)

    • UrbnStateofMind

      My problem is dropping the sugar!!!! I’m eff’n addicted! Lol

      • Diego Duarte

        Was addicted to chocolate (actually still am). I still eat a lot of sugar regularly, but I keep track of my weight on a daily basis, so I compensate with exercise and moderate dieting for a day or two.

        • Blackberry02

          Try dark chocolate (with at least 65% cacao) instead of milk. The antioxidants in it won’t make you feel so guilty.

          • Mary

            Make it 88% dark chocolate!

            • Strawberry03

              Yup! So delicious!

      • Vitianagary

        UrbnStateofMind… YOU CAN DO IT! I’m a single mom with 2 teens (17 and 19). Their dad was killed when they were babies so to help me get up and wake up each morning to tend to raising my queens, I started drinking Mt. Dew… 16 years and 30 pounds later, I finally quit cold turkey. It’s a habit and a lot of it is mental. Find a substitute… I drink tea to get my caffeine (I HATE TEA and yes I went to FAMU and know about good sweet tea… I’ll pass). You just have to decide and make new habits. I wish you all the luck in the world! I want my sugar fix sooo bad… but I also want to wear a real swim suit in my 40’s… you can do it! If I can anybody can!

    • `Abdu’l-Karim Ewing-Boyd

      Drop the rice? Drop the RICE?! How dare you? Every Carolina ancestor ever is now staring at you aghast.

      Drop the rice… Must be crazy…

      • Diego Duarte

        I can’t be crazy.

        Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy, but I’m crazy and I’m perfectly aware that I’m crazy. Therefore by definition I’m not.

        Also, the voices in my head almost unanimously deem me sane, and the only two dissenting voices can’t even settle on whether I have schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder. Thereby, since there is no consent, such unfounded accusations must be dismissed outright.

    • Blackberry02

      Congratulations, Diego!

      “…but that still did not achieve nearly as much as proper dieting.”

      Tell them, Diego. ¡Diles! (Did I conjugate it correctly?)

      “Drop the sugar, drop the flour, drop the rice, and if you want to eat carbs go for boiled potatoes. The secret is “there’s no secret”. You just gotta keep at it and stay constant.”

      Add more fruit instead of sugar, and drink more water instead of soda or fruit drinks. Use zucchini or squash in a spiralizer for the pasta noodles (trust me you won’t notice a difference). Quinoa is also a delicious and healthy alternative to rice; sweet potatoes are also a good alternative to white potatoes. Add more raw (or lightly steamed) leafy green (e.g. spinach, kale) and cruciferous (e.g. broccolu, cauliflower) vegetables to your diet, too.

      Pretty much, you need a #BlackLivesMatter diet: no white bread, no white salt, no white sugar, no white rice, and no white pasta. ?

    • Eri Cad

      I disagree about dropping rice some rices are healthier than others. Narrowing carb options to boiled potatoes is not realistic. Many super fit people in the best shape of their lives eat rice. See AJ Johnson.

      • Diego Duarte

        It’s pretty realistic considering it’s what I did for nearly a year. Although point granted on some rices being healthier than others. However, if you’re going to eat rice then avoid potatoes, and vice versa.

    • cwoods913

      would you include fruit in your mention of sugar?

      • Diego Duarte

        No, fructuose is good. This only applies to processed sugar, so you should be okay with natural sugar.

  • Giantstepp

    I’ve never had a problem with gym newbies, and always liked to see a person making an attempt at a better self. However–(lol) because I have my gym routine down to a science, I’ve been known to get annoyed at having to wait for a machine and it breaking my routine.

    Also, and in full disclosure, I haven’t been to the gym in two months. So maybe I should’ve kept this comment to myself. But, whatever…

    • MsSula

      See? Worst kind of gym snob!! LMAO

    • Diego Duarte

      Only problem I’ve had with new people was that time the ellipticals were a little too close together, and this heavy woman tried to squeeze in between mine and hers, to get on. Now, I had my headsets in and I wasn’t aware what was going on, all I know is that she nearly knocked this heavy a$$ equipment, with me in it, to the ground. It tipped over and sent me sprawling to the floor.

      Not a single apology was issued. She just threw me a nervous sideway glance and started jogging on her machine. I spent the entire time glaring at her like “really? REALLY???”.

      • She probably thought falling was part of your workout.

        • Diego Duarte

          I get people trying to pass gas on an elevator. But you’re seriously going to act as if your heavy self didn’t knock over a 300 Lbs, $ 3,000 machine, with a guy in it, to the floor? Was she expecting the whole gym to clap and give her an Oscar for best background performance?

          • miss t-lee

            But did you die?

            • IAmMikeBrown

              ???????

            • Diego Duarte

              *SPOILERS*

              Yes, but I come back to life at the end of the movie.

              • miss t-lee

                *snickering*

  • “I work out four times a week and still have to regularly convince myself to get my a$$ out of bed and in gear.”

    All of this. I workout 5 timesba week and sometimes sit in the car going…

    “Girl, you fine enough. Get back in bed.” Lol

    • Especially during leg days. “You got thunder thighs, why you want the lightening too? Go play the PS4.”

      • I need the lightening for a rainy day. Lol

        And today was legs and ass-ets.

        • Deadlift day for me. Gonna find my 1RM today after a year of training and a nagging case of sciatica.

          • `Abdu’l-Karim Ewing-Boyd

            Deadlift might be the greatest exercise in the gym. That joker there will work everything. Throw in some jerk and cleans and some torture twists for the core and call it a night.

    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      You is fine, so no lies told.

      • First blush of the new year…

        Thankya, Kas.

    • *sneeze* receipts. Oh, excuse me.

      • MsSula

        She brought them receipts Cogito. @Kas can attest!

        • Sigma_Since 93

          that was in 2016….this is 2017 lol

          • NonyaB?

            The People’s Bureau co-signs the legitimacy of this observation.

          • MsSula

            *cackles*

            Queenie, you have been summoned for an update. Even The People’s Bureau cosigned. Loll.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          Hand on the Bible

    • Jennifer

      This is the truth. Every time I run, I have to convince myself this hobby is worth my time — even when I’m at the starting line of a race. When I skip it, I feel like basura caliente. When I do it, I feel great, but it’s a mental game every dang time.

      • I am an angry runner. I hate it! I question all if life during those 18 mins.

        “Why are you doing this? What’s wrong with you? Why are you a size D?”

        But Rick Ross and Wale pushes me through. Seriously, I begin with Ross Scheming and end with Ambition.

        • Jennifer

          Rick Ross and his ilk are perfect for the club and the treadmill – nowhere else.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      We need pics or it ain’t true!!!

      • IAmMikeBrown

        What Sig said.

    • God Shammgod

      LISTEN. Be like “you can still pull em, why dont you treat yourself today”

      • Right. Treat yourself with red velvet cookies. Lol

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          Red velvet cookies? Tell me more.

    • Mine goes like this- “N***a you still alive so don’t go take a nap.”

    • (Sure is)

    • Blackberry02

      Y’all better than me. I hate the gym. Plus, the sidewalk is free…

      • But the sidewalk is boring. Lol

        • Blackberry02

          Girl, it’s all in the mind.

          I like to run outside so I tell myself that I MUST make it back to my starting point after my 3-mile run. If I think about stopping along the way, then I have to walk the rest of the way back in shame. ?

          So, it motivates me to finish my entire run and I never get bored. Plus, I typically pick new places to run each time. The treadmill is so uninteresting, as I have nothing to look forward to other than CNN on a mounted screen. Lol.

        • Mary

          Yeah, but at least you’ll keep your original knees!

  • “The world is your oyster – or chicken wing, as one may have it.”

    Stop trying to bring the flats or drums argument into the New Year. Black folk got enough to unify around to be arguing over the wrongness of drums over flats.

  • MsCee

    This is funny. I workout year round. I don’t complain though. During these months I just avoid the gym and really focus on what I’m eating.

    • Janelle Doe

      Great idea. I will try that. I switch up my hours; mid m-afternoon the gym is a ghost town in my neighbourhood.

      • MsCee

        Thanks, same thing when summer is approaching. I usually sign up for some kind of outdoors boot camp or boxing etc. No need to complain, Just adjust.

    • Hugh Akston

      I usually skip the first two or three weeks in January

  • Back when I was a young unmarried cogito, I used to frequent the gym. Best part of the flow of new people is that they would ask me about my workout, which really fed my ego. I would give them what few things I knew would work. The problem is, my gym routine was this. Do 10 minutes of cardio. Then check out women and watch sportcenter while doing random things until I decided to play basketball.

    • Val

      I only ever watched Sportcenter because of Robin Roberts. After she left that was it for me. Her talent is totally wasted on GMA, IMO.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        True but the checks are probably better

    • IAmMikeBrown

      I feel like you’re violating section 1.1.b2 of The Man-ual (the “Sold Not Told” clause) *turns to section*

    • It feeds my ego with my dance fitness classes when new people come because I feel like I know what I’m doing since I pick up the routines quicker than them because I’ve been going for a while.

      ***thinks to self*** “I can dance better than I thought” ??? But new folks also make me remember how much I struggled when I first started…remembering where you started humbles you ?

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