stereotypical

Posted on by

flashback to last week as the champ enters au bon pain to order his usual sandwich:

***btw, the champ never switches sandwiches, because n*ggas with degrees and multiple tattoos never switch sandwiches. we find a sandwich we like, and we stick with it. forever. he’s never had anything at the cheescake factory other than the shrimp and bacon club, and he only eats big macs at mickey d’s. this builds character***

“i’d like a chipped ham on a croissant with lettuce, tomato, onions, and mayo”

the au bon pain hoochie behind the counter squints and sneers her nose at me a bit while asking me to repeat the order…

“i’d like a chipped ham on a croissant with lettuce, tomato, onions, and mayo”

(she replies) “mayo?”

“yes muthaf*cka, mayo!!!“ i reply loudly…in my head.

because this is beginning to turn into a laurel and hardy routine, i finally ask her…

“yeah, mayo. whats wrong with mayo???”

“you’re the first black man thats ever been in here that asked for mayo on his sandwich. i asked because i couldn’t believe what i was hearing”

“i aint your average black man, wrench. now go make my f*cking sandwich” i reply in my head again.

“i cant explain it. i just like mayo, i guess”…

…i finally respond with a unsurprisingly vacant amount of bass in my voice.

when they called my name to pick up my order, i buttoned my coat up, lowered my kangol, and approached the counter refusing to make eye contact with anybody, like i was about to pick up a snuff film.

although this incident took place in less than three minutes, it brought up a more serious issue…something that has been bothering me for almost a decade now…

…who decided that black people aren’t supposed to like mayonnaise?

from overpriced deli’s in depressed mid-atlantic cities, to the wildly underrated undercover brother, mayonnaise is seen as the bane of all black existence, and i need to know why.

in my confusion, i’ve come up with a couple theories to possibly explain our disdain for it.

1. black men are very intimate when it comes to our deli meats, and having a white spread in there makes us think about gentrification and billy bob thornton

2. we disdain mayo because it looks too much like spunk, and nobody wants to be thinking about man spunk when theyre eating a deli sandwich… especially not on thursdays

anyway, this incident made me think about the concept of stereotypes–the stuff your demographic info is supposed to indicate about you and your likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. this idea permeates everything from the music you’re probably supposed to listen to, to the smooth, off-white condiments you’re supposed to eat.

in keeping with yesterdays tone of post-racial multicultural coitus, i’m sure you’re all aware of the racial, sexual, and cultural stereotypes assumed of you…but what about you completely bucks the trend?

the rhythm-less blacks, the big-booty asian, the 20-something conservative, the virginal latina, this is your time to shine. what are your mayo stories?

—the champ

Newer Comments →
  • Resident GRitS

    I went to private PWI for most of my grade school years, juxtaposed by my membership at a black, southern, Baptist church. I caught a lot of flack about my speech, work habits and perspectives from my black “friends” and even some family members. Apparently, I wasn’t convincing as a black girl from the ages of 6-13.

    …luckily, I wasn’t dissuaded from my course and am better for it.

    P.S. Am I first?

    • Princess Duvet

      @Resident GRitS,
      “P.S. Am I first?”

      P.P.S..yes

  • Jay_Delicious

    question: why hasn’t the “we-don’t-eat-mayo” memo hit the projects where the kids eat mayo (and in some cases miracle whip) sandwiches?

    and evidently… my hair’s not nappy enough, my eyes are too light/color-changing, and communication skills to proper for me to be black… :-(

    later for haters
    :-*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Jay_Delicious,

      question: why hasn’t the “we-don’t-eat-mayo” memo hit the projects where the kids eat mayo (and in some cases miracle whip) sandwiches?

      last night, i heard about a mayo and banana sandwich.

      there are some things you wish you could unhear

      • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

        @The Champ,
        Dag The Champ you could have said earmuffs. My mind’s palate is dry heaving now.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @WuDaMan,

          yeah. the imagery is pretty harsh. i imagine it tasting how a tiiny dumptruck in your mouth would

          • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

            @The Champ,

            Oh snap dump trucks can house one of the smells on the planet that can actually make me queesie. (rotting meat, and the smell of raw oysters (reminds me of disecting sharks in high school biology class))

      • skullylover

        @The Champ,

        … Gross.
        Me likes the Miracle Whip (or Whhhip as Stewie Griffin would say it).
        Me likes banana’s.

        Combining the two like captain planet = Fail. And mud butt.

  • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

    I have texture issues…that consistency is not the business. Not only that, but my cousins (that I visited every weekend) were poor…like, we eat bologna that has bits of crunchy stuff in every bite from the cheapest lil grocery store in the hood that takes WIC because my aunt had 14 kids….poor. Cheap store + cheap bologna = terrible taste. Slather it with Mayo to get past that…sorry, couldn’t get Mayo, too expensive, gotta go with Generic Spread in the black and white CANISTER. Sound nasty, it was worse. Hungry, yep…options, starve or eat. That was it. So yeah, mayo is not for me.
    Now pass me the block of cheese and the knife…

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @SauleWright,
      There is a vegan version of Mayo (has no eggs in it) called No’yannoise and I’m willing to bet that it’s worse than any cheap Mayo out there in the market. It’s very, very, very, very bad. Just reaaaalllly foul.

      • devessel

        @ofloveandotherdemons,

        Nayonnaise is the only way vegans can work out their love of the stuff and still remain true to their ethics…thanks!

      • http://twitter.com/laviyah L

        @ofloveandotherdemons,

        As a vegan I must agree that Nayonnaise is really gross! However, no self respecting vegan in the know would ever eat that mess we bow down to Vegenaise which is pretty much the Hellmans of the vegan world. yum!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @ofloveandotherdemons,

        No’yannoise

        this is actually sold, like, in stores?

        • ofloveandotherdemons

          @The Champ,
          Yes, grasshopper. There is so much I could teach you about the wonders and travesties (mostly just travesties) that is the vegan subsititute market.

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

      @SauleWright,

      I have severe texture issues (hell, overall sensory intergration and food issues) as well. That’s why I can’t do mayo either. Only if it’s mixed in potato or tuna salad. I’ve gone as far it to take a napkin and wipe EVERY visible condiment off my sandwich if Wendy’s or any other sandwich makers eff up and put mayo on my sandwich. It just cannot be done.

      Just the thought of it is making me want to spit right now. BLECH!

      • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

        @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

        YEP!!!! I wipe that shit off too. I don’t order plain because I don’t want them to do anything to it so I just get it normal and wipe that shit off. If it’s in something you made, don’t tell me. The first I attempted to make Tuna Salad and read “add mayo” I just went and had a PB&J instead. I’m over that mess.

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

          @SauleWright,

          PB&J is gross. Peanut butter is is Satan’s sandwich spread. How can anybody eat something that stinks??

          • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

            @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,
            Lol you sound like the Waterboy’s Mama

          • Princess Duvet

            @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

            “PB&J is gross. Peanut butter is is Satan’s sandwich spread. How can anybody eat something that stinks??”

            what in the he1!..now im not a pbj fan..but dayum..satan tho???

            seriously?

            this thai place in dc makes the best fried tofu with a peanut based/lime sweet sauce and its the bomb diggity. and it doesn’t smell at all.

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

              @Princess Duvet,

              The Thai people’s apparent obsession w/all things peanut is why I refuse to eat any of their food.

              And despite what you say, I’m sure it stinks to high heaven.

              • Princess Duvet

                @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

                Can I ask you something?

                what the he!ll do you eat?

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

                @Princess Duvet

                You can’t ask me that. Ask me something else.

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T., & Princes Duvet
                stop it w/ this thread… I think I have caught the side split of death. Buahahahaha!)

              • Princess Duvet

                @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T. & Wuwu

                WuWu..i gotta ask one more question tho!!!

                ***turns to PBG Like I’m Barbra Walters***

                PBG… do you think you have a food phobia? With a certain level of balance. Food should be an experience. Food is your friend. Now if you were stuck on an island with only three foods to choose from what would they be? And if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be and eating which types of food?

          • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

            @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

            Peanut Butter does NOT stink! Blasphemy. It smells especially good when it’s freshly ground. Delicious!

            • Princess Duvet

              @pgh muse,

              ive been researching…PBG has a fear of smells.

              diagnosis=Olfactophobia- Fear of smells

              I suspect she also has a fear of chicken

              diagnosis=Alektorophobia- Fear of chicken

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

                @Princess Duvet as Barbara Walters,

                What part of “sensory intergration issues” did you NOT understand? Do you go around asking blind folks about their difficulties w/the color red or deaf people why they keep the music so low?

                This interview is OVER!

                *flips over table, knocks over studio lighting and storms the fluck out*

              • Princess Duvet

                @Princess Duvet,

                you totally just Frost/Nixon’d me…lol..wow..

                ***motions to the camera guy..keep rolling***

          • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

            @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

            Mr. Carver would like a word with you….

            • miss t-lee

              @SauleWright,
              bwhahahha

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

              @SauleWright,

              Mr. Carver came to me in a vision once. He & I have already worked all this out. In lieu of all my other good works in faith, he’s given me a pass on the whole peanut thing.

              Kthxbai!

              • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

                @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

                So, you telling me the man that made the first pair of Air Force 1′s from peanuts said cool, you can slide? Blasphemy!!!!!

          • Marty McFly

            @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

            BLASPHEME!!!!!

            How dare thee disrespect the goodness that is PBJ!? PBJ is a wonderful dish and is a treat for all red blooded Americans!!!

          • skullylover

            @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

            Oh my, how can you not like peanut butter? George Washington Carver just shed a tear. lol.

    • Princess Duvet

      @SauleWright,

      im not tryna start a food fight..but i think the whole texture-mayo thing..i dunno is …hmmm??? all condiments have the same texture, the texture they are supposed to have-you’re not supposed to drink mayo.

      so how do you feel about salad dressing? what about when a hollondaise is used as a garnish for the plate..do you send it back?

      im sorry…this is not living..you’re in some sort of foodie prison LOL..

      • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

        @Princess Duvet,

        I disagree wholeheartedly w/your assertions.

        • Princess Duvet

          @PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.,

          im just saying (no judgements LOL) but picky eaters got personality flaws…how tha hell do you hate mayo. What did ya momma/daddy put on your sandwiches?

          • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

            @Princess Duvet,

            Your qualifiers make my heart go pitty-pat-pat. Just in time for Valentine’s Day.

            I got whatever I wanted on my sandwiches. Mustard or nothing. A happy child I was.

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Specialized Sula

        @Princess Duvet,

        I am a foodie too, so when I read stuff like that, I keep thinking :”Oh my god, they must be so sad… :) ”

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG aka The Notorious C.A.T.

          @Specialized Sula,

          Oh no. I’m very happy. See, look. :)

      • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

        @Princess Duvet

        actually, I don’t mess with too many condiments. Ketchup gets a pass and it’s not as slimy as mayo. The only other one I really use is Chic-Fil-A sauce and even then, thats VERY sparingly. Salad dressing, don’t fux with it. Get me a spritz of some vinaigrette and get the heezy away from my salad.

        AND, my foodie prison is peppered with a lifetime supply of the same 5 foods dammit, and I love it. LMAO. I joke I joke, I kid I kid. But you kinda right, my palate is limited…the scarier part is when I do venture out…it goes bad. THUS, I go back to the old faithfuls. So let me get a chipped ham with….

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @Princess Duvet,
        all condiments have the same texture, the texture they are supposed to have-you’re not supposed to drink mayo.

        I don’t want to talk for anyone else, but I think the textural issues most have with mayo may really be problems with mouthfeel. Every condiment has a different mouthfeel; it varies depending on the ingredients and the formulation . A big factor in this is the type of fats used. Hydrogenated/partially hydrogenated/poly-unsaturated fats will all give you a different sensation as they dissovle in your mouth. I think the problem with mayo is that it has such a high fat content, plus most of it is unsaturated fats that when it hits your tongue it dissolves immediately coz of your body temp and leaves a film like coating. The filmy stuff is what give you that slimy, yucky, yucky texture

        • Princess Duvet

          @ofloveandotherdemons,

          “I don’t want to talk for anyone else, but I think the textural issues most have with mayo may really be problems with mouthfeel. Every condiment has a different mouthfeel; it varies depending on the ingredients and the formulation ”

          now this explanation i can appreciate…i hate when non-foodies throw taste and texture around. very well written. however, i aslo find that people who don’t like condiments just don’t like condiments. but too each his/her own.

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          @ofloveandotherdemons, I think it’s the egg that makes it stick. And it is an emulsion a fine homogeneous mixture of fat and protien. I bet they don’t like whole milk for that matter and or butter other versions of homogeneous mixtures of wildly different substances.

        • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

          @ofloveandotherdemons,

          that is how you break it down…if they gave the Know-Bail prize out for posts, you’d get my vote.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @SauleWright,

      welcome and sh*t

      • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

        @The Champ,

        a thank you, a thank you

    • SouthernGirl

      @SauleWright,

      even though i have no issues with mayo…

      welcome!!!

      *shooting gold stars*

    • http://www.myspace.com/tanishah sxyscientst

      @SauleWright,
      I know these memories may be traumatic for you but canned imitation mayonaise is a concept I can’t wrap my mind around! My head almost exploded!! LMAO!

      • http://www.itssaulewright.blogspot.com SauleWright

        @sxyscientst,

        Trust me, it’s much worse than I can describe…don’t look into the light Caroline.

  • Gem-nastics

    i like mayo. not a lot. just a tad. enough for a thin layer to coat the bread of my sandwich or tortilla wrap. i also like many mayo-based dips/dressings, even tho i can feel my arteries clog with every bite. i HATE miracle whip. dee-scusting.

    what else about me “bucks the trend” of my blackness?? hmmm. i refuse to drink kool-aid. altho i did perfect the art of making this hood drink at the tender age of 4. and i used to eat the kool-aid mix straight from the packet. don’t miss those days…

    • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

      @Gem-nastics, whoa. i just read your post. we’re on the same exact vibe. i want to gather all of the miracle whip in the world and throw it into a toxic waste dump.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Miss Patterson,

        i want to gather all of the miracle whip in the world and throw it into a toxic waste dump.

        me too. miracle whip, to me, is actually worse than jim jones

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Specialized Sula

          @The Champ,

          I’ll throw Miracle Whip, Velveeta and all the other pseudo-condiments in there as well…

          • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

            @Specialized Sula, Velveeta

            I can’t co-sign this one. For perfect baked macaroni Velveeta or some other processed cheese like Land o lakes is ESSENTIAL!

        • http://bobby2010.wordpress.com/wp-admin/ Bobby_2010

          @The Champ,

          WOW!! I cannot believe that one would choose that weird “mayo” concoction over the tangy zip of Miracle Whip!! Now, I don’t eat either that much, but when i do…I want that tangy zip!

          lol

          • nikiloveli

            @Bobby_2010,

            There are two kinds of people in the world: Those that appreciate the chef-d’oeuvre that is Miracle Whip, and those that stab kittens for sport.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @nikiloveli,

              dont they use kittens to make miracle whip?

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @Bobby_2010,

            welcome and sh*t, and remind me to not let you cook at the vsb bbq

            • http://bobby2010.wordpress.com Bobby_2010

              @The Champ,

              That’s coo…I prefer to watch others cook…I just know not to eat the ‘tato salad and other mayo-based ish.

              But as long as I’m invited I’m okay.

          • SouthernGirl

            @Bobby_2010,

            welcome!!!

            *shooting gold stars*

    • miss t-lee

      @Gem-nastics,
      “enough for a thin layer to coat the bread of my sandwich or tortilla wrap”

      Yeah I normally order it on the side, because they normally put way too much on my sandwich/wrap/burger. lol

      • http://www.missjennamarie.com Jenna Marie Christian

        @miss t-lee,

        I Love Mayo… I always ask for extra mayo and extra cheese:-) i don’t want a sandwich that doesn’t consist of both…

        • miss t-lee

          @Jenna Marie Christian,
          You’re like one of my BFF’s. She made tuna once that looked like it was swimming in mayo. I refused to eat it.
          I asked her, “would you like some tuna with your mayo?”

          • http://www.missjennamarie.com Jenna Marie Christian

            @miss t-lee,

            lol..i know..I love tuna full of mayo.. I want the mayo to “coat” the tuna..lol It sounds bad, but true!!

        • AkShone

          “I Love Mayo… I always ask for extra mayo and extra cheese:-) i don’t want a sandwich that doesn’t consist of both…”

          This is me. I’m more surprised to hear of this mayo ban in the black community. I grew up on that sh*t…word!

          • http://www.missjennamarie.com Jenna Marie Christian

            @AkShone,

            I found that “mayo ban” a bit surprising myself!!

        • nikiloveli

          @Jenna Marie Christian,

          Your arteries called. I’d tell you what they said, but my granny said good women don’t talk that way.

          • http://www.missjennamarie.com Jenna Marie Christian

            @nikiloveli,

            Girl, My Arteries should have called a long time ago because my eating habits are absolutely horrible:-)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Gem-nastics,

      i refuse to drink kool-aid

      blasphemy!!!!!!!!

    • laylah

      @Gem-nastics,

      i agree. mayo in moderation is what it’s all about. i don’t drink kool-aid either… i just don’t like it.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @laylah,

        do you have a soul?

    • Nikiloveli

      @Gem-nastics,

      My sister called me last night to inform me that she was at one of those hoodish “Chinese” food places, and there was Kool-Aid on the menu.

      Yes, she ordered it. How could she not have? It’s Kool-Aid! From a restaurant! You’d have to buy it, just to say you did.

      • miss t-lee

        @Nikiloveli,
        There used to be a BBQ shack here that always had grape (my all time favorite flavor!) kool-aid in an urn right next to the lemonade and sweet tea.
        Mayne was it sweet. Went real well with brisket…lol

      • Gem-nastics

        the idea of buying kool-aid from any store makes me sad and LOL all at the same time!!

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @Nikiloveli,
        “Chinese” food places, and there was Kool-Aid on the menu.

        Ummm…no. This should not exist

    • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Specialized Sula

      @Gem-nastics,

      Let me join your ranks. I have, wait for it, never had Kool-Aid before… Ever. And I’m not interested in trying it either… So is there a club or something I can join? :)

      • Gem-nastics

        idk but we should start one and have our 1st meeting at Champ’s and throw all his kool-aid out the window.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Gem-nastics,

          you must have a death wish

          • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

            @The Champ,

            I’m on ur side. Koolaid is yummy. I get a little creative with it and mix flavors and add lemons / lemon juice or limes/ lime juice or something to make it more interesting but next to the soy milk in my fridge is a pitcher of koolaid. I even sometimes make it with a little honey and the expensive pure cain sugar… but i do drink koolaid

  • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

    1st of all…i love mayonnaise, and i hate hate hate salad dressing or whatever they call that Miracle Whip business…yuck! gross!

    2nd of all…chipped ham? you are soooo pittsburgh.

    3rd of all…you’re going to h-e-l-l for “virginal latina”

    ~i’ll be back with another comment.

    • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

      @Miss Patterson, 2nd of all…chipped ham? you are soooo pittsburgh.

      i was thinking the same thing!!! That is HILARIOUS! I didn’t even think they still sold this…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @pgh muse, miss patterson

        what? the burgh’s the only place you can get chipped ham?

        • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

          @The Champ,
          Real talk it’s the first time I’ve heard of it. It was only after I moved to the great state of Philadelphia that I even payed any attention to chipped beef. Interesting.

          • miss t-lee

            @WuDaMan,
            “the great state of Philadelphia”

            Ya’ll stay quoting that tragic girl don’t ya’ll…lmao!!!

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              @miss t-lee,

              Who said that again? Im drawing a blank.

              • miss t-lee

                @Dom,
                I believe it was Lil Mama, if I’m not mistaken.

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                @miss t-lee,
                I love her for it. I after moving here made that mistake like probably once or twice. But ever since it’s just hilarious.

          • Tx10inch

            @WuDaMan,

            Cosign your mortgage AND your car loan on that statement potna. I’ve neva heard of a chipped beef sammmewhich (yeah, i said it) until i read this post. Don’t do it down in Tx like that. (that i know of..) Enlighten us pls Champ…

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              @Tx10inch,

              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chip-Chopped_Ham

              here ya go. (stolen from pgh muse’s comment)

              its very tasty and sh*t

            • miss t-lee

              @Tx10inch,
              “I’ve neva heard of a chipped beef sammmewhich (yeah, i said it) until i read this post Don’t do it down in Tx like that.” (that i know of..)”

              You already know we don’t…
              *sniggling*

        • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

          @The Champ,

          Pretty much, Champers. It’s even called Pittsburgh style on Wikipedia. It’s a ‘Burgh thing like a primanti bros. sandwich and city steps.

          • miss t-lee

            @pgh muse,
            I wanna got to Primanti Bros.
            *shakes fist* one day, ONE DAY!!!!

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Specialized Sula

          @The Champ,

          I was mildly afraid to show my ignorance on the matter of chipped ham or chipped anything for that matters. Blame it on language barrier… :) .

          So what exactly is it?

          • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

            @Specialized Sula,

            Here u go, e-twin :) enjoy!
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chip-Chopped_Ham

            • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Specialized Sula

              @pgh muse,

              Thanks Chica! I appreciate you, e-twin. :)

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

          @The Champ, it’s the quintessential pittsburgh sandwich. duh. do i have to school your a$$?

  • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….

    I used to be vegan (strict vegetarian) and I apparently bucked the trend b/c people kept telling me that black people are not vegan. And I don’t drink Kool-Aid, I obviously don’t eat fried chicken, and when I used to eat meat many moons ago, I preferred baked chicken and grilled salmon to the fried alternatives.

    And I prefer spicy honey mustard, and I don’t like ketchup. I’m not sure if that bucks the trend, but there you have it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @N.I.A. Ms.Alladatshyt….,

      And I prefer spicy honey mustard, and I don’t like ketchup. I’m not sure if that bucks the trend, but there you have it.

      it doesn’t, but thanks and sh*t anyway

  • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

    Sooo umm you low on topics huh?? I’m just… serious. Hehe (lofff you like a play cousin named Pookie who I only like to see once a year at the family reunion but errtime we see each other, we have a ball and promise to hang out during the rest of the year but never do)

    Anyway, I too, am a fan of the Big Mac. It is the only burger I ever eat. From anywhere. And is mainly the reason why I cant classify myself as a vegetarian (that and my love of fried chicken. And them Great Steak sammiches. Ok so maybe I ain’t close to vegetarian after all)

    Ah yes, I’m sposed 2 be talmbout how I don’t match black all the way

    I am not a huge fan of kool-aid. *Whew* There, I said it.

    *Lifts weights from shoulders*
    *Puts on Champ’s mammoth dome* Hold that right quick. I’ll be back after maxing this Big Mac

    *Hums* 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese…

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @Luvvie,
      Sooo umm you low on topics huh??

      Haahaaa. Yeah, I had that passing thought when I saw the topic too, but I figured it gave me the opportunity to do two things I absolutely love. Talk about myself and make a list (this statement is 50% accurate).

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        @ofloveandotherdemons, i smell a reprint *ducking*

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Miss Patterson,

          smell deez

          • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

            @The Champ, ewwwwwwwwwwww.

    • RedBeanzNRice

      @Luvvie,

      Oh Luvvie Dovey – how your IG makes me swoon, lol.
      PS, Big Macs are gross – the Quarter Pounder has it ALL over the BM all day. See? Even it’s initials are an indicator of it’s nastiness.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Luvvie,

      Sooo umm you low on topics huh??

      lol…its been a long week

      • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

        @The Champ,

        Tis okay, Humpty. 5 posts a week is tough. Besides, did your breakfast muffin come up missing?

  • ofloveandotherdemons

    1. black men are very intimate when it comes to our deli meats, and having a white spread in there makes us think about gentrification and billy bob thornton

    That elicited a nice, loud and long snort-laugh from me.

    2. Made me puke a little in my mouth.

    So thank you and damn you.

    …but what about you completely bucks the trend?

    I’m a 24yr old black female who is:

    a.) A vegan

    b.) Non-religious (Against organized religion is more accurate, me and BBJ and all other dieties are cool; it’s the dogma and the thumpers that perplex me)

    c.) Bi-sexual

    d.) Utterly in love with folk music, any and every variation of it. Add to that I have very little knowledge of hip-hop (I’d say none, not counting the occasional stuff I hear in clubs) but I’m afraid of Champ banning me again.

    e.) Hate sports (I only list this since it seems, from reading VSB comments, I’m the only female that doesn’t like sports. )

    f.) Sadly, I don’t embody the ‘chicks with the baddest wadrobe/shoes/make-up game’ stereotype. I don’t wear make-up, own no heels, keep my hair natural and I’ll pick comfort over cleavage popping-mid thigh-so tight you can’t breathe freakum dresses and their ilk. Yes, I roll into clubs with flats.

    I don’t know if the above completely ‘buck the trend’, but I don’t think they are listed under the stereotypical character traits of a black female.

    • Gem-nastics

      Yes, I roll into clubs with flats.

      now, i love a mean stiletto game. 3-4 extra inches to my 5’5″ height makes me feel extra FAB. beauty is pain and my feet have literally carried that burden on many occasions. but… i live in Pittsburgh. so i often roll to the club (and other nightlife venues) in flats.

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @Gem-nastics,
        I’m 5′ flat, so you’d think I would embrace the stiletto. I just can’t deal with the pain.

    • http://www.missjennamarie.com Jenna Marie Christian

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      Now how did you transition into becoming a vegan? Have you always been a vegan, Did you just quit meat cold turkey, or was it a process?

      I’ve been trying to get into vegatarian lifestyle for a while, but i keep relapsing on meat, like an addict on crack..lol

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @Jenna Marie Christian,
        I never really ate red meat even when growing up, so the only thing I gave up when I went vegetarian was fish and chicken, which I ate only once in a blue moon. I was vegetarian for 2years and then went vegan. You could slowly try and phase the meat out of your diet, that usually works.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      thanks for sharing and sh*t. and no, (as long as you dont mess with my toast) i’m not gonna ban you again

    • http://twitter.com/laviyah L

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      sounds like we’re related!

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @L,
        We could be e-family. My goal is to have 20 e-siblings, make up for my itsy little family in the real world

    • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

      @ofloveandotherdemons, .) Hate sports (I only list this since it seems, from reading VSB comments, I’m the only female that doesn’t like sports. )

      u totally are not. I love the pgh steelers… otherwise i would much rather spend my time doing something else rather than watching sports. it’s not my thing either.

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

    My relatives give me the side-eye because of my disdain for all things potato salad and cole slaw in nature. (and because I say stuff like ‘disdain’)

    When I didn’t eat meat for a year everyone told me, “Black folks ain’t no da.m.n vegetarians, go get you a pork chop baby”

    • Gem-nastics

      i’m giving you the side-eye too for not liking potato salad. now cole slaw is just gross. raw caggabe?? yuck!!

      when i stopped eating pork, there was always somebody black (or a real bold 2520) that would say “so what are you muslim now?” as if only muslims in this world don’t dine on swine. lol

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @Gem-nastics,
        Cole slaw is the ish. Its crispy, a little tangy, a little sweet. Really whats not to like.

    • AkShone

      …I love cole-slaw…with a passion!

      • miss t-lee

        @AkShone,
        me 2…especially with some catfish…lol

  • Wis.Miss

    I’m a black, single parent who:

    ~graduated high school #5 out of a class of over 350 students
    ~attended college (THE Ohio State University….I just added that cause i know Panama hates OSU…which is natural for inferior UMichigan fans)
    ~only has one child who is very well behaved
    ~is not on welfare, nor is living in poverty
    ~has no babydaddy drama
    ~owns a passport, complete with stamps in it
    ~is articulate and speaks with diction
    ~is gainfully employed and has a well funded 401K
    ~is involved in a happy, functional relationship

    oh yea, and I like mayo too.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Wis.Miss,

      welcome and sh*t, and thanks for posting your entire eharmony.com resume

      • SouthernGirl

        @The Champ, lol

        @Wis. Miss,

        welcome!!!

        *shooting gold stars*

        • Wis.Miss

          @SouthernGirl, thanks! :)

      • Nikiloveli

        @The Champ,

        Haaaaaaaaa!

      • Wis.Miss

        @The Champ, womp womp….that wasn’t my e-harmony resume. it was an honest answer to your question.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Wis.Miss,

          it was an honest answer to your question.

          correct. i still like to jab though. you’ll get used to it

          • Wis.Miss

            @The Champ,

            *jabs you back*

            and thanks for the welcome.

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Specialized Sula

        @The Champ,

        *chortles*

    • http://twitter.com/laviyah L

      @Wis.Miss,

      My husband graduated from Ohio State!

      • Wis.Miss

        @L, *hi five for your hubby* does he drive you crazy with his Buckeye fanaticism? I’m sure my Illinois/UWisconsin friends are sick of me and my Buckeye pride already, lol. (Even though we can’t seem to win a d.amn championship to save our lives…ugh)

Newer Comments →