I’m an economist by training and education. My entire life is based upon the principles of Pareto Optimality (efficiency) and the Nash Equilibrium. I’ve fancied myself as sort of a macroeconomist. You know, working within the realm of the uber-simplified C+I+G+(X-M) = Y.
One of the first things you learn in economics is that an economist’s thinking is that something is better than nothing. It’s kind of the Homeless Man Doctrine. Sure you need $2, but if somebody only gives you $.37, you’ll take it.
Once again, some is better than none.
In general I also subscribe to this notion. For instance, some french fries is way better than none at all. Same with Kool-Aid. Nobody likes the piss-me-off-sip but the truth is, I’m just glad its there. I feel the same way about Antoine Dodson and double rainbows. Sure I could live without them, but aren’t we all just better off because of their existence?
Well one area I’m not so sure this principle makes sense is when it comes to sacklovin’ or the potential for it. I see that you need an example or something. Consider yourself gotten.
Let’s pretend we’re in a world where every woman employs the 90 day rule for procurement of the cotton Hanes. She’s made this explicit and clear.
Once again, its clear that nobody will be slappin’ bellies.
Except it isn’t but so clear. She is okay with doing…other stuff. Like, you remember when you were in high school and virgin chicks would do everything but “it” because everything but “it” didn’t really constitute relations? I remember that. It’s like every chick was a brain surgeon but refused to go on archaeological digs. Now, conventional wisdom states that this is a good thing. So what you’re not digging for any fossils, you’re at least getting something right?
At the time it made sense. When you’re 18 or even as old as 21 years old, a lot of things make sense that don’t when you get some real age on you…like Cheesecake Factory as fine dining or getting dressed up to the go to the movies. Foreplay with no gunplay seems like all the rage since basic principles teach you at that age to take whatever action you can get because as a dude you’re probably unemployed and the only reason this chick is even dealing with you is because she believes in your potential and ALSO doesn’t know any better.
Let’s forget the age component (though after a certain age, you really shouldn’t even have to be having this conundrum). Let me preface this by saying that this does not pertain to ALL women, but I’ve had this convo with a few women because I’m a thorough researcher and enough have expressed to me that this particular line of logic make sense.
I’m of the line of thinking that if you’re not going to be doing any spelunking, that it is best to leave all the foreplay at the door. Why begin to engage in an act that has no closing act? Women all like closure, except when it counts. Funny how time flies when you’re making love. I’ve been told by many woman that foreplay should be engaged in because it allows for some of those energies to be addressed. And while bonage might not be on the menu, partaking with a guy of other forms of affection is okay because it provides some release.
Hey, what’s good for the gander isn’t necessarily good for the goose. But here’s where the disconnect comes in: somebody always has to be frustrated right? If the guy shuts down the highway altogether, then the woman is frustrated because she’s holding fast to her principles (yay!) but the guy won’t give her any act right. However, if the guy indulges the woman, then sure he gets some free feels and perhaps a lil bit of country, a little bit of rock and roll, but ultimately, he’s frustrated because his ying and yang are bluer than Lil Jack Horner’s non-descript cousin Crip Walker Texas Ranger.
Somebody always has to be frustrated right?*
*Only in this situation since the two individuals are chosing to deal with one another.
You like how I put the asterisk right after the…asterisk?
So good people of VSB, I ask you, is it better to get something than nothing? Or if you know you ain’t schlumping, would you rather just cut your losses and watch Golden Girls?
What it be like, partna?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Kaboom
I usually don’t try to compete with who’s first, but I had to just for once.
Kaboom, guess who stepped into the room!
^”Ticalllll! Hailing form the Shaolin Isle….”
^Congrats!
It be me the killer bee, on the M I C
With the S S double double U to the V V
I miss SWV.
I miss them too. I hear that they are back together and supposedly working on an album.
this is decidedly not a good thing since really, the only necessary person in SWV was Koko. Or Coko. Or Coco. i don’t know how you black people spell such made up names.
I’m mad your first comment reminded me of that gubment check, generic cereal, Kaboom! Which made an appearance on Kill Bill, Vol. 1! The more you know. *ding*
I’m happy for you, though! (I’m also gonna let you finish without a ‘but’)
*confetti*
KABOOM is gubment cereal!?!?!?!?!?!! O_O!!
::walks away kicking remnants of shattered dreams::
Yeah, that don’t make it bad, though. lol Let me be as clear as 20/20 vision with that one.
You lie Cheekie. Kaboom was not a gubment cereal. Maybe it was just an approved brand by the gubment check. Why you tellin’ lies? that’s where I got my 9 essential vitamins and minerals (or something like that). It was the only fruity-flavored cereal my mother would allow me to have.
“You lie Cheekie. Kaboom was not a gubment cereal. Maybe it was just an approved brand by the gubment check. ”
lol, not the same thing? Kidding…sort of. Well, yeah, because you can even get Doritos with the gubment check/card.
No seriously, I just called it that because they only sold it at Aldi – a store that beaucoup niccas with Link cards (food stamps), niccas in college, and just cheap niccas like me frequent.
You have Aldi?! Nanny (my late gm) used to drag me there! For some reason I only thought it existed in Harrisburg. Good ol’ Aldi…where you gotta pay for the cart and the bag. Nanny got many side eyes for those no-name brands, but she we forgave her because she could cook her a$$ off.
how come i can’t edit sh*t?! grrrr.
*throws temper tantrum and kicks a unicorn*
DEAD @ Miss P kicking a unicorn.
watchout.. many of them have e-boos.
lol…yup, i actually thought Aldi was only in the Chi til someone in another state told me. And when some dude offered my sister a job to be a manager (just randomly too..it’s not like she worked there o_O He was hitting on her) but the position was in another state.
But yeah…the 25 cents carts. Tall hoodlum kids always wait in the parking lot offering to take the cart back so they can keep the quarter. Cute.
And I reuse my Aldi bags. lol I do shop there though for basic ish. I’ont trust their meat, though…
Yeah Aldi is a german store chain.
The better question is something, but not everything, from the one you really want better than everything from the fill-in chick?
ahhh. good question. i think the filler-in would be the everything until the one he really wants decides to give up the goodies. no ciara.
i’ve seen it happen. lol
Great question! I’d love to read some of the VSBs’ insights, in particular.
@Cheekie – it’s not a great question. stop it. lol
Can’t stop, won’t stop. Now sprint and tell THAT, homeskillet.
i’d like to say that’s a good question, but its not. that’s like saying one biscuit from your mama’s kitchen is better than a full meal from mcdonald’s (well as full as it can get) when you haven’t eat in 2 days.
in theory it sounds really nice and romantic and deep…but the truth is, no, it’s not better.
then again, this all might depend on whether you still believe Detox is coming out.
I’m an all or nothing type chick, so that “something” ain’t gonna cut it.
Same here. Must be a Cancerian thing. (i’ll use any excuse to bring up the greatest zodiac sign in the world) *curtsy*
Although I would like to say that I’m impressed by anyone that can go down without going all the way. That takes hella discipline and b@lls.
Yes, all or nothing. Cancerians rule!
MIss P…I think you’re right. Cancers– a fickle bunch we are.
Alovelydai–you already know!!!
@miss t-lee – i actually thought this might break down along gender lines with dudes saying they were all or nothing and most women saying they would be okay with some foreplay.
Say word? Is that what you thought?
LMAO Not gonna work out on my watch.
You shouldn’t start something that you’re not going to finish. A kiss is one thing but if you’re getting all hot and heavy with someone, of course they’re going to expect more. I think that people know instantly (more often than not) if they’re going to give it up. If you have no intention of going all the way, don’t tease. Fewer problems.
*nods* As the resident virgine, I know this all too well. I try not to go too too far…it’s just that some ninjas are easier to color their balls blue than others. I mean, dayum, it was just a quick peck. o_O
@cheekie
exactly. like have some self control..what are you 12???
@Cheekie – now that may be true. it could be the proverbial Blue Ox in the room. some guys assume from jump that if you give them any attention, its going down. i think we call them “inmates”
“some guys assume from jump that if you give them any attention, its going down. i think we call them “inmates””
Dayum. I feel like Whitley when she found out that tall field-Negro lookin’ dude she was feelin’ just got released from jail.
BIG CO-SIGN.
I would also say that in some cases, women prefer intercourse over oral sex, so stopping at foreplay really just isn’t worth it. It’s like not eating for 2 days, finding a bag of chips, and only eating half. You’re straight up HONGRY! Now you’re gonna just stare at the half-eaten bag?? If you don’t eat the rest you’re going to
be a complete b!tch for the next few daysstay hungry.LMAO! I love all the food analogies today
As long as it’s established beforehand that the “closing act” will not be showing tonight, then it’s cool to have a little something. I maybe should have prefaced this by admitting that I can be one of those chicks with the (at least) 30 day rule, so the thought of having no foreplay in the interim sounds a bit lame…
@Analog Girl – so my question to you then becomes, whats the point of the 30 day rule? i’m not knocking it, do you. but are you okay with like 78.4% nudity within the 30 days? and it can go to 100 percent on day 31? lol
I believe that lil something always lead to trouble, don’t start anything that you are not even gonna finish! All that is gonna lead to is frustration and blue balls on the male behalf…
…or some B.S. conversation talm’bout “let me just stick the head in for a minute.”
Please unscramble: KCIK.RKOCS.
and keep it movin!
………“let me just stick the head in for a minute.”
This 1 line has led to more more babies being made than every single Luther song ever recorded! A chick would have to be a straight up DUMMY to fall for this!
all i thought when reading the title
“Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good”
yes. i like sound of music. #dontjudgeme.
to answer the question: it depends. lol.
if all you’ll get is crumbs, with no chance at cake. then don’t bother.
but if you are getting sample sized sneak previews, with an actual chance of the decadent baked good…then short term pain/long term gain. and real foreplay starts long before you hit the bedroom/couch/back of the car.
right now, im craving intimacy more than actual chex. the before and the after. i mean.. you see these lips?? they were made to make out with someone!! but alas. i’ll have to settle for painting my nails (shoutout to maxfab & cheekie! lol).
the Sound of Music is one of the greats..
I like musicals.. (and no, not the gospel ones starring “Clifton Davis and Shirley Murdock”)
@Nickerz
“I like musicals.. (and no, not the gospel ones starring ?Clifton Davis and Shirley Murdock?)”
Stop fronting, you know you liked “Amen on Ice.”
*DEAD at” “Amen on Ice.” Time of Death -5:47 am- now please have a moment of silence for me….
I’m quitting you like 5 different times for “Amen on Ice”, Wu. I’m picturing Sherman Hemsley doing his signature walk on ice skates.
Hell, they should cast Kevin Hart as Rolly.
I was thinking of that song from the 70s “Nothing From Nothing” by Billy Preston (i think…lol)
I was thinkin’ of Eddie Murphy in “Raw” when he was impersonating his father talking to him after he got beat up by the Italian dude.
“Nothing from nothing leaves nothing…had to do something…Muthaf*cka hit you in the mouth!”
hahahhaha. I haven’t thought about that in a while.
So was I twinny.
“Nothing from nothing leeeeeeaves nothing…you gotta have SOMETHING, if you wanna be with meeee”
lol and amen
I knew you’d dig it.
@kb – i totally had the same sound of music thought!
if i’m giving crumbs, then there’s definitely a chance at the cake. (a chance… may not happen, but the chance is there.) i just won’t let you get underneath my clothes without being (mentally) prepared for the possibility that they might be coming off.
otherwise, i’ve got those good hugs and hot kisses for you: hands-free.
i loooove the sound of music. woowoo.
intimacy is grand.
@keisha- the “foodie” in me LOVES the chat about cake, but I am so with you on the intimacy factor, where is the love?(Donny & Roberta real ol skool)
KB we always agree. I like this “short term pain/long term gain”…same as delayed gratification. If men got it when they wanted it all the time, it would actually work against us.
@sfg:
exactly.
if we give you a little – we’re teases
if we give you everything – we’re milk maids (why buy the cow when..)
i’m over all these rules and regulations. what am i – NASA?
it’s not that complicated.
do what you want to do within legal and medical safety reasons.
if you can’t handle the heat..get the eff outta my kitchen!
ps: i have a dude right now that is very cute, and thinks he should be getting bonus points cuz he’s not trying to get all the way in my pants, but keeps wanting to schedule a date to suck on the tig ole bitties. and with how neglected my body is feeling, im tempted to take him up on his offer…
@keisha brown – i thinks its hilarious that dude is shuffling thru his planner like, “yo does tuesday work? i’d REALLY like to get the tig oles…”
@PJ
actually weekdays dont work for him, he’d only be able to give me 1.5 hrs. e__O
#DEAD. Yeah, we can’t please everyone so if you don’t like it then on to the next one. Jay-Z
Whether to have “all” or “something” is decided by the adult parties involved. Adults decide what works for them. It’s only fair to communicate if you have boundaries you are not ready to cross. Setting one’s boundaries is within your rights. It is also within another person’s rights (the potential partner) if they choose to accept those boundaries or push on. To tease and string a person along is not right. Not feeling that. Just be honest about where you are and your intentions.
this DEF deserves a terrorist fist bump.
the key word in your message is ADULTS. if you are one, act like one.
Double co-sign!
zactly, ADULTS deserves triple co-sign , double terrorist fist bump, and I would also like to add Jersey Shore Fist Pump !
******ALSO “Just be honest about where you are and your intentions.”-legitimate_soul- this right here deserves additional terrorist fist bumps*** honesty , the true first ingredient in any relationship (at least that’s what I think )
I agree. *jersey shore fist bumpin* You’ll always know where you stand with me….always.
This also deserves the Serena Williams racket breaking fist pump after winning another Wimbledon title #nuffsaid
@legitimate_soul – while i’m having no parts of no terrorist fist bump (America, fcuk yeah!) i do agree with you. at some point as a grown up, you have to be grown up.
Legit Soul, I agree with you completely.
You reminded me of the situation I’m in now. I got out of a serious relationship a whiiile ago, went buckwild for 2 seconds, and then realized that lifestyle wasn’t for me. I decided to hold off on having sex completely until I meet someone who wants to have a ltr. Fast forward to present – I met this dude, was honest about where I stood (no f*ck buddies need apply), and he was honest about his inability to get into anything serious.
Knowing that men always run off at the mouth about women saying one thing and then contradicting themselves, I stopped and left it alone… kept it movin. Well, now dude can’t get over it and texts and won’t leave me alone, knowing that I want a relationship and he can’t offer me one…
Legit Soul, I agree with you completely.
You reminded me of the situation I’m in now. I got out of a serious relationship a whiiile ago, went buckwild for 2 seconds, and then realized that lifestyle wasn’t for me. I decided to hold off on having sex completely until I meet someone who wants to have a ltr. Fast forward to present – I met this dude, was honest about where I stood (no f*ck buddies need apply), and he was honest about his inability to get into anything serious.
Knowing that men always run off at the mouth about women saying one thing and then contradicting themselves, I stopped and left it alone… kept it movin. Well, now dude can’t get over it and texts and won’t leave me alone, knowing that I want a relationship and he can’t offer me one…
reading…reading…reading!
waves@everyone…back to reading!
I missed yesterdays post… (tears)
But yea Id rather watch TV… ooooh TrueBlood!
I would rather deal w/ a machine than bad *BEEP*! lol
In the spirit of this piece, you should have carried out the economic analogy out till the end. Maybe create some type of prisoner’s dilemma-esqe game that backs your all or none premise where both parties going all in is the Pareto efficient outcome.
I actually got excited when I read “Nash equilibrium”. But then no more economics terminology:-( Nerd blue balls.
-Former economics student
@Courtney (VSB) – i actually thought about attempting to construct a game theory analysis then i realized, i didnt care enough to do it. plus, i started thinking about game theory and my mind immediately went to how much i thought that album by The Roots sucked.
“I actually got excited when I read “Nash equilibrium”. But then no more economics terminology:-( Nerd blue balls.”
^This made me smile. Panama was an economics analogy tease, lol!
” It’s like every chick was a brain surgeon but refused to go on archaeological digs.”
lmao, I think its alright to engage in foreplay with no sex. Though, I realized after watching a documentary on Kinsey that you know, I might just be a prude. Like would you be okay with your wife sleeping with a man you have also slept with? Interesting question right. Well anyway I think its alright to engage in foreplay without sex because when you eventually have sex, there will be less fumbling because you are already comfortable with each other’s bodies. *shrugs*
@TheTalentedMs.Fiasco – now that’s a practical reason that nobody ever mentions.
it’s still poppycock but i feel you. lol
These jacked up relationship situations usually begin when a couple completely misinterprets what the other has said. Yes, I was dumb enough in college to believe “lets watch DVDs at my place” meant “lets watch DVDs at my place.” Dude got all surprised when I told him this was a no chex situation.
Also:
* just noticed the tagline disappeared
*Annoyed with the Homeless Man Doctrine. Sadly the cheap gas station is also the biggest panhandlers begging ground, and I have never understood why people ask for random amounts like 56 cents. What does that buy?
* ” And while bonage might not be on the menu, partaking with a guy of other forms of affection is okay because it provides some realease.”
I initially read that as “bondage,” and was about to ask PJ why he thinks that’s a normal part of foreplay. Since I misread “bonage,” I can’t judge him for misspelling release
@I Am Your People – i misspell sh*t. that’s what i do.
Everybody needs at least a LITTLE something. And I agree that the terms and conditions should be stated beforehand, but if I wanted to watch Golden Girls with someone, not for nothing, I would call one of my gays. Besides even after the first sex takes place, there are going to be those times when you can’t have the full service so you may as well figure out which appetizers are the best.
@Kia Muze – i think there’s a difference between “after chex” and “before chex ever happens”. the latter is what i’m talking about. you have no idea if you’ll ever do anything and its totally the woman’s prerogative. i have no issue with that. but if she knows nothing is going to happen, it just seems slightly cruel.
plus doesnt dry humping give rug burn?
@Panama, about half a dozen inappropriate responses to your last question popped into my head, LOL, and I’ll just leave it at that. But I hear what you are saying about the before/after, and will it ever and this ludicrous 90 day thing….smh. Does anyone really practice that? Really??
“It’s like every chick was a brain surgeon but refused to go on archaeological digs.”
Lol! While I’m sure both men and women can appreciate a good HEAD doctor, I just don’t see the point of teasing yourself. It’s either all or nothing with me. If I’m absolutely not willing to go all the way there, I’m not even going to put you in a situation where you are likely to get stiff armed! Ain’t nothing worse than seeing a grown man pout. Downright awful I tell ya!
“At the time it made sense. When you’re 18 or even as old as 21 year’s old, a lot of things make sense that don’t when you get some real age on you…like Cheesecake Factory as fine dining or getting dressed up to the go to the movies.”
LMBO i was JUST talking with someone about how deplorable the cheesecake factory’s food and service are, and how i wear a beater, shorts/jeans and flipflops to matinees now. don’t judge me. hilarious.
okay.. i’m in my kitchen and just got bit on the neck by a mosquito. booo to scratching and typing at the same time. little bugger.
now… i’m one of those something is better than nothing people. although i understand not many men share the same sentiment, so if nothing is happening, i would be sure to state so upfront. that way… any bluebaseballage would be due to their own doing.
love the economist jargon btw. so smart and such. who knew? lol.
i really want some o.ke.doke hot cheest popcorn right now.
k i’m done. haven’t left a random comment in a while. go me!
@Muze – i’m smart doggone it! my IQ is like 7.
and cheesecake factory BLOWS. if it wasn’t for their cheesecake, they’d just be Factory…and who wants to eat there?
So true… I went of so many dates at the Peachtree Cheesecake Factory when I was in undergrad, i don’t even like the sight of the darn logo. smh @ low class college boys. lol.
we dont have them in canada, so when i went on my 1st date with my ex to one, i was excited.. i mean cheesecake factory! it just sounds awesome! so it’s interesting to read that it’s not a big deal or that a dude should get demerit points for taking a date there.
Don’t give dude demerits just off of Cheesecake Factory. It’s the one place you can take someone, and they should be able to find something on the menu they wouldn’t mind eating. lol. And the cheesecake is good. But the food isn’t that great, and when you’ve been as many times as I’ve been, it gets old very quickly. Love the cheesecake, though. Try the Godiva Chocolate next time you go.
The Godiva Chocolate one is actually the first one I had there other than the OG cheesecake. It’s VER rich. DAMN. I can’t take that ish in one sitting. lol
*or VERY
Yeah, that looks better. Not “VER.”
@Miss Keisha,
I still like the Cheesecake Factory. I like big arse dranks and food. *shrugging* I wouldn’t take demerit points at all. It’s fine.
Oh, and kudos @ N.I.A. naturally who had guys take her there in college. TOTALLY different situation at my alma mater (folks were broke and that was seen as a pricey, higher dining experience than some other places.)
@NIA:
ok. i wasn’t quite sure.
i’ve always enjoyed my meals there (the one in chi was PPPPPACKED!!).
@L_S: i lovvve me some strawberry lemonade. and ALL food portions in the US of A are GIANT in comparison to home. I always feel like i’ve eaten for a family of 4. my ex used to think it was so cute, that i could NEVER finish a meal when i visited him in NY.
“i’ve always enjoyed my meals there (the one in chi was PPPPPACKED!!). ”
It ALWAYS is. Mostly because it’s The Cheesecake Factory, but also since it’s right dead in the tourist epicenter under the Hancock building. lol
@cheekie,
yeah, the wait was long. but meh.. im on vacation..whats my rush? and it was 3 blocks from our hotel (i could see the hancock bldg from my hotel room). funny thing.. we didnt know what it was. so when we asked some folks, where the hancock bldg.. they were like – it’s right there. lol. view from the cafe/bar was so nice. i took like 600 pics in 6 days.
Yeah, I’m in college now and the cheesecake factory is where you go on super special occasions. You don’t just take any ole girl. That’s some fine dining right there.
Plus, they give you beaucoup food. I read read recently that their salad is like several thousands of calories. WTF…lmao @ the #saladswindle
“LMBO i was JUST talking with someone about how deplorable the cheesecake factory’s food and service are”
It does truly suck arse. The cheesecake ain’t even good, and the drinks are horrendous.
“I feel the same way about Antoine Dodson and double rainbows. Sure I could live without them, but aren’t we all just better off because of their existence?”- I hatechu for this …LMAO -cause now all that will be stuck in my head is “Run and tell Dat Homeboy”- #COUNTRYAZZBAMASRULE
It’s been awhile since I have been up this early at the airport. As soon as they close those cabin, I think I will pass out. I learned a long time ago that I had to take the pressure off of myself and not expect chex whenever I hung out with a.girl or showed interest in one. 9 times out of 10 I wasn’t gettin’ some anyway and I never tried to get with a loose booty chick so relieving myself of the pressure to get the drawer made for less cerulean balls situations. After I learned to do that, it actually made for situations for chexy talk and chex happened, primarily brought up by the woman. I wasn’t the cutest thing back in my day so I had to use my gift of talking anything but chex to make a woman feel comfortable, so when I invited her over to watch a movie or I baked some cookies, there was no sense of an ulterior motive, i.e. less pressure. Next thing you know, you step out of your room to go get something to drink, you come back and you ask, “Huh, where did your panties go?”. Hell, I even got suckered by a girl with the “Let’s watch a movie” ploy. She got me good. That was a good night.
Some guys have that ability and confidence to feel that they can get some from ant chick in any situation. I’m not one of those guys. I am “play the hand you’re dealt” kinda guy and I learned that the more comfortable a woman is, the more open she will be to talk about and do anything, and she will initiate it. Women know they are doing when they say stuff like “My neck and shoulders are killing me”. You may think that offering her a massage with lead to more touching to kissing to boom. A good course of action is to give a massage and when it gets real good to her (and you will be able to tell), stop, pat her on the back say “you good?”. That way, your balls leave the same color that they came and someone is left as moist as a rainforest. Giving a woman the female equivalent of cerulean balls is actually pretty fun. I see why women like to do it. Do it enough times to woman and you will find out that the bowl of sliced fruit by her bed isn’t for potpourri. Does that work all the time? Probably not. Could it backfire? Sure it can but you got to live, people. This world doesn’t stop spinning for anyone so work smarter, not harder. Your balls with thank you for it. Stay vigilant, my friends. I got to hop on a plane.
You’re a cruel, cruel man. But then, I suppose payback is a Mo’Nique.
LOL that’s funny. That will get you tackled. Apart from that I agree with the fact that it takes a real man to know he’s not always gonna get the goodies. I hear men say they like a challenge then in the same breath say they don’t like to wait for it. That makes no sense to me. What guy wouldn’t want some affection before the big show? If you really like the girl then it would make her more attractive that she exercised some discretion. If it’s all about the sex than sure go ahead and treat her like it is…and ladies don’t be mad when you give it up and then discover a month later he’s really an @sshole with baggage. You lose. If it doesn’t matter to you either way, then let ninjas nose dive in it. Different strokes for different folks. (pause) lol
I knew you would be the one to tackle me. You dropped some sound advice for the ladies.
It’s true… I’m always joking how I’m a tease and then I tease myself into a frenzy… you can only tease so much before you actually ready to give it up. Then it’s like d@mn you were suppose to just tease TEASE! #thebackfire
That way, your balls leave the same color that they came and someone is left as moist as a rainforest. Do it enough times to woman and you will find out that the bowl of sliced fruit by her bed isn’t for potpourri.
THIS!!
*relaxes and takes notes
LOL, remember all those sweet “me love women” posts you used to write? Leaving women with moist moments (I tried to find an alliteration equivalent to blue balls…lol)? Is this you showing us your evil side, CBG? (-_-)
Nah, Cheeks. This is not my evil side. After being the object of teases my whole life by women, I wised up and became the teaser at times, just to show them that I am not easy to trick as most men. It’s just my way of saying that sex is not the way to get to me. After growing up with dry wang from infinite teases, I gained a kinda immunity from being overly teased so I don’t get hurt and still show a woman that I am not going to put any pressure when it comes to chex. If I not attracted to the thing between your shoulders, chex won’t mean much to me. I’ve never been the guy to smash chicks on the regular, so if I ever did, it was because I was really feeling her and had a good connection with her, except for the first one, which my boys will never let me live down to this day. My boys always tell me I should have waited. They were right. *sigh*
@Comic Book Guy -aka- The Pink Pander
*in Denzel Washington Voice from American Gangster*
My man.
Bro, I have to give you the Tiger Woods sliding uppercut celebratory fist pump.
I used to deploy those same reverse psychology tactics in my day in order to GTD(Got The Draws). Martin.
Like you, I used to play the coy, disinterested role. And like a mouse that saw the cheese but not the trap, the women fell for it. Gotcha b*tch! Dave Chappelle.
I would purposefully have conversations about everything under the sun, EXCEPT chex. As expected, they undoubtedly would bring up chex talk, and of course,.. *heh heh heh, as I twist my mouthstach sinisterly*… they would ultimately initate chex. And of course I would employ my acting skills and pretend I was caught off guard and surprised as they would pounce on me like a cat pounces on a ball of yarn. PUN!
Man that sh*t worked like a charm. *deep sigh* Woman is so fool fool. *smirk*
That was my tactic back in the day. It NEVER failed. For some reason, since women were so used to Dr. Octopus men, its like they couldnt resist the overwhelming temptation and intrigue of the disinterested man, and almost couldnt help but to give you some. And boy, did they ever. Oooohhh weeee! When they did, tt was like they had something to prove. Talk about a rodeo show. That coy ploy made women want it BAD.
Comic Book Guy -aka- The Pink Pander…I thank you for taking me down memory lane. It was a good visit.
I am DYING that you called CBG The Pink Pander. That is not even funny. *cracks up*
@Cheeks,
I knew he was going to respond this, plus I haven’t been called the Pink Pander in awhile.
@Sobo,
Dude, it never failed. I never really used it as a ploy as much as it became a part of the way I approach women. Chex complicates things at times so not making a big deal about it really takes the pressure off. Plus, women like a challenge just as much as we do. When a woman puts her chexual guard down, and it was of her own doing, you reap greater fruits of not so much labor.
I am enjoying reading the VSB’s trips down memory lane. I respect it as well. I like the male to be the aggressor. If you make no move on a green light, I think you are not feeling me and I keep it pushing. I think ‘friend zone’ and will treat you as such. I think that may be why I have experiences where the guy is like “Where you been? Why you haven’t been around” because I thought dude wasn’t interested. I don’t get mad if dude isn’t feeling me (even if I may be disappointed), but I’ll fall back. I have done this to learn later the opposite was true. Dude was feeling me and I missed the signals or misread them. Signals can be ambiguous. You gotta tell me, because I don’t want to make any false assumptions.
^Just putting the flip side out there in case any other VSS’s feel as I do.
That is a legitimate way to look at it, pun intended. It’s not about not making a move when there is a green light, it’s about not creating the green light or forcing the green light on the woman. If I am spending time with you, talking to you like a human being, I like you and everything that comes with you, your cooking, your conversations, the color of your panties at any given moment. If a woman gives me the green light in any aspect, not just chex, then it’s full steam ahead. It’s always been my way to put the ball in the woman’s court. I’m here, I’m talking to you, I’m cooking for you, I like you. Now, what are you going to do about it? If there is a green light from the woman, let’s go from there. Making chex such a primary factor in being with someone, just to hanging out or getting a bite to eat, creates an almost unnecessary pressure situation for a woman. It’s all about relieving that pressure to allow for both parties to be comfortable.
@CBG,
I gotcha’, sir! I under and over-stand
@CBG – i can’t lie. i’ve definitely hit a chick with the, “okay, i’m good and out” after a back massage…one that i’m thinking she thought mght go further.
i was tired.
is panama jackson a tease?
“is panama jackson a tease?”
Let’s find out…
*takes out Tootsie Pop*
*takes 3 licks*
One…two…three. *crunch* Three.
The world may never know…
To quote one of my favorite commercial jingles of all time, “Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don’t”.
For me, it all depends on the circumstance. Sometimes the tease to build up some sexual tension leads to more “passion” released when you go all the way.
@Monk – that’s a very optimistic view, dear Monk.
As much of a tease as I am, I am not a fan of teasing someone and then giving them nothing but a coke and cab fare.
If I’m teasing you, you can rest assured that at some point this here evening, you will get a ride on the lady amazon express. I don’t believe in all that foreplaying without a finale. I’ve kicked a guy out of my house for that before. No sir!
If two adults know what they’re getting into beforehand (as in, a little touchy feely, but no finish line) and they’re okay with that, so be it. But, I don’t see that being a mutual agreement often…if ever.
@8th Wonder – you kicked a dude out b/c he wouldn’t give it up?
“If I’m teasing you, you can rest assured that at some point this here evening, you will get a ride on the lady amazon express.”
Pookie that ain’t teasing… lol
I was JUST talking about this last night (or early this morning…I *knew* I should have checked VSB!) . My male friends wanted the ‘female voice’ about a situation…..say you’re with a chick, y’all are getting hot and heavy, both of you are minimally dressed, and as you reach for the condom she whispers “I’m not doing THAT”. Or, actually let you put the condom on, and almost enter, which is what happened to a friend. This is all after ‘big talk’, and lots of innuendos. They wanted to know if a guy had a right to be upset.
I think he does….he can’t DO anything about it of course, but you don’t dangle cake in front of a child and then snatch it away right before the fork reaches his mouth. And with the wrong man it can be dangerous.
If I know I’m not going all in, I establish that before things get to far. I want to make sure I don’t leave blue too.
No, she let that go too far..that is just childish. Nothing wrong with a little kissing and hugging but if you are taking it that far and then putting the breaks on that is cruel…but no means no…but YES the dude should be upset.
“but you don’t dangle cake in front of a child and then snatch it away right before the fork reaches his mouth. And with the wrong man it can be dangerous. ”
Bingo.
@Dee, dude has every right to be upset. how you gonna let dude put on a jacket…then be like, naw…that’s not happening. lol. as was said, he can do nothing about it and if he’s afraid of jail, he’ll quietly back up, put his clothes on, leave without saying a word and deleting her contact information and blocking her calls.
i cant believe that actually happened. lol
No all of that making out is foreplay for when the actual act happens…its a build-up of emotion. It heightens the s*xual tension….so, yes, its better to get something right now and imagine what you are going to definitely get later…….feel me?
Thank you!! Everything is foreplay…all the way down to kissing. When was it gospel that you can’t touch him unless you are ready to give it up? GTFOH…and these are the same men who say if it’s easy they don’t want it.
@SFG – these are not the same men. get your facts right. lol.
i dont take issue with heavy kissing and stuff. i’m talking about when all the clothes start flying and ending up on lamps.
LOL…that’s a fire hazard. I would never go there giving the impression it’s gonna happen and then hold up the stop sign. That’s just mean.
I hear you, QueenT! Just let it be known what limitations at that moment. But I definitely hear ya!
These days not even getting into that arena, unless we taking the stage, now has that happened in the past, dry rehersals and all LOL yes but I was a different, much younger girl then LOL
This is with new folk of course!
“Is something better than nothing?”
I’m not sure I get the question. I don’t think any rational human being would complain about “settling” for special attention in lieu of going all the way. For one, it’s less work.
Not that I’m lazy, but sometimes I just like to sit on my beach chair and sip my Corona, feel me?.
That may not make any sense whatsoever.
Two, it’s less cleanup. Anyone who’s had to get out of bed in the middle of the night, change sheets, and then shower knows what I’m talking about. Do you have any idea how much it costs to dry clean a comforter? Robbery is what that is.
And three, there’s zero chances of you ending up on Maury as a result of your dirty, filthy, sinful misdeeds.
Win/win.
Now, do I think foreplay is cool and you don’t get anything at all? Nope.
That just makes you a tease.
Random: I just realized that I type exactly how I talk.
….and the formatting above is horrible.
Carry on.
I see you really hate this 90 day rule thing as I feel like I’ve talked about this alot on here. It really doesn’t bother me what people think about it. I think every woman should do what she wants when she wants. Some of us don’t mind giving it up right away, some of us do mind. It all boils down to what you want and whether you believe (or want) the man to be long term. I’m sorry, I don’t think you can tell a man is relationship material in the first month or so. If you don’t want him to be your man and it’s just about sex…than do it! It doesn’t make me none, just wrap it up so we can decrease these std #s we have as a people. However don’t judge the women who like to wait. That just makes you a hater.
In response to Peej’s theory that if a man can’t have sex, he doesn’t want anything at all…I beg to differ. As a woman, I’m a much better gauge of this than one man’s opinion. Try it as an experiment. Say to a man “I won’t have sex with you yet but I’ll rub it for you and give you the best brain I can give” and see if his face doesn’t light up brighter than 100 watt lightbulb. C’mon, let’s stop this foolery. Something is better than nothing and if you are worth it…he’ll wait. If not wanting to be a bus stop makes me immature…than I’m a kid.
I think we’re getting lost in the semantics here. Foreplay to a man usually involves stuff way past kissing and hugging. So (if I understand Panama right), I think he’s right in his assumption that most dudes wouldn’t want that if nothing else is going to happen.
However, brain is definitely an acceptable substitute for the the warm & gushy.
Your last sentence shows that Panama is wrong.
@SFG – you’re right. that would prove me wrong.
“I see you really hate this 90 day rule thing as I feel like I’ve talked about this alot on here. It really doesn’t bother me what people think about it. I think every woman should do what she wants when she wants. Some of us don’t mind giving it up right away, some of us do mind. It all boils down to what you want and whether you believe (or want) the man to be long term. I’m sorry, I don’t think you can tell a man is relationship material in the first month or so.”
Honestly, I don’t think it’s the waiting part that miffs 90-day rule critics, I think it’s the generic, hardfast number of 90. Like, why is that number the universal “Ok, I’m ready!” point? lol
you are so right about not being able to tell whether a man is relationship material in the first month…..
IT TOOK ME 18 YEARS TO FIGURE OUT MY EX-HUSBAND WASN’T!
So 90 days is on the low side uh? Word to 90-day rule followers.
@Cheekie
Right. Or maybe SFG means that it’s a 90 day minimum? I say do what feels natural to you. Be it three weeks, three months, or…..you get the picture.
YEARS before the Zoot Suit King came out with his Tome, I employed the 90 day rule. It was not a hard and fast ticking off the calendar to 90 days, however, I felt like I didn’t know a man well enough to have chex with him until at least we hit the 3 month mark.
It worked for me in that it kept my reputation in tact, my name out of niccas mouths and my numbers low. It also forced the man to show his hand because the guys who had short-term intententions (or no game) would get frustrated and typically kept it moving.
and THIS:
“it kept my reputation in tact, my name out of niccas mouths and my numbers low. It also forced the man to show his hand because the guys who had short-term intententions (or no game) would get frustrated and typically kept it moving.”
Sums up why I do what I do. AMEN!
@SFG – Haaaayyyyy Giiiirrrlll – (Ok my daddy’s from Oakland)
The VSBs want us to give it up just because they ask. Hell to the naw #whitney
I have 4 tall, fine, educated brothers and they all tell me that if you make a man wait an appropriate amount of time, he will respect you and if you give it up too early to a man that had you on the proverbial pedestal – you will get knocked off.
My brother that is a Doctor and a lawyer (and wears a size 15 shoe) told me that women are so thirsty that he NEVER has to wait longer than a month. He says that he will probably marry the woman who actually forces him to get to know her and court her before she gives up the draws.
Can you say this alittle louder???? I have tons of guy friends and we had this same debate around the last post on this topic. I don’t know what these VSBs are talking about. I’m not saying the man will leave you for it but will NOT respect you as much. Men love a challege. We all know this and these guys are frontin on here. If you treat your poon like a seat on the bus…dudes will see you as easy. I’m sorry, it’s truth. They may stay with you but let you start talkin like you’re the queen of your temple and ish…he will quickly check you and bring you back to the 2nd date when you were on your back calling yourself the Follow Through Fairy.
Who would literally sit there and count 90 days? Not me. It’s figuratively speaking. I don’t think a woman would say “oh it’s day 91, time to give you some!” It’s all about doing what you feel comfortable with. I have too many friends who complain about giving it up to men and they find out later the guy has a girlfriend, he’s a jerk, or he lied about something. Why not just get to know him first? The foreplay thing doesn’t bother me. It’s better than getting penetrated. For example (excuse my graphic nature)…you can pull out a metal pole and lick it…now would you stick it inside you? And if you did, how would you feel afterward? Not the same thing. Everyone has good points. This is just my reasoning.
“Who would literally sit there and count 90 days? Not me. It’s figuratively speaking. I don’t think a woman would say “oh it’s day 91, time to give you some!” It’s all about doing what you feel comfortable with.”
LOL…if women don’t literally do this, then why the need to call it that? Why was it such a big deal in social media after Teef Harvey mentioned it? I betcha some women out there tried this out literally. Just like they listened to any other of his “lessons.”
But yeah, hopefully there aren’t women counting down the days (that’s silly), but I BET there are.
ETA: SFG, homie, just letting you know I ultimately agree with you (duh, I’m a Tina Tightstuff…lol), just offering some insight as to why there are critics of the 90-day rule. It’s very generic and also it’s another one of those Steve Harvey rules that swams of women are flocking to…BLINDLY.
Yeah I understand why men don’t like…now women? Women are just hating cause they know they give it up easy and think we’re making them look bad. LOL I’m dead at Tina Tighstuff and Teef Harvey.
Women are just hating cause they know they give it up easy and think we’re making them look bad.
Really?
This is funnier than it should be.
I see you Sula laughing at my comments. I think people went way too personal with this topic today. i said what I do…and clearly said other women can do what they do. It doesn’t make me none.
What i meant by women are hating is that i noticed alot of women went in on the type of woman who likes to wait. I can’t for the life of me see how that would ruffle another woman’s feathers. I do notice, that some women are very threatened by the type of woman. It’s like by me saying I like to wait, it’s somehow saying the woman that doesn’t wait is a hoe…which is ridiculous.
@cheekie
what i hate most about the 90 day rule is that steve harvey created it and women have been sprouting out that line verbatim since that stupid book came out! It’s also stupid because it reminds me (like PJ said) of the girls who did anything butt (intended)? doesn’t that negate the whole point? Stupid. Furthermore, (can you tell how much this rule irks me?) what the hell happens in 90 days? I’ll tell you what happens in 90 days: he’s off getting it in with someone else, but still being prince charming to you, so that come day 91 @ 12:01am, he’s in them draws and then out the door.
Why say @Cheekie when I know you’re talking to me? Who says women do anything but? Why are you so angry? Maybe women really like you and care what you think of them? So many questions…oh and one last one: who says once he gets it he’s out the door? I’ve never had a problem. You may think it’s stupid…and if you have a problem with a woman getting to know you first then leave!! It’s that simple. To each his own.
@SFG
Wait, wait, wait. A few things:
1-I’m a girl! I think you might’ve thought I was a dude based on my comment. I’m not, at least last I checked;)and a happy one at that- i think we got lost in internet translation.
2-I think you can get to know someone enough to be intimate, sometimes, in less than 90 days. What i hate about the 90 day rule is that it’s such a silly number. It should be when you feel like it. When you’re ready so to speak.
3-When i was in high school, it was common for girls to claim their virginity while doing any and everything else (some even did buttchex and swore they were still in the V club), so that’s what that comment meant.
4- I’ve come to realize that as PJ said, you don’t have to be ho just cause you have sex with someone early on. you get treated like a ho when you act like a ho. And you can
5- as for the pump and dump. I have had COUNTLESS debates with dudes about waiting/not waiting and while many say its cool to wait (if they’re into you/it), a lot of them hate when a chick is like, “Naw, dude, nada til 90 days passes. Then we’ll see.” It’s just so ridiculous to them. Like why 90? why not 111? Or 72? or when it happens? That’s the point of that comment and quite a few said, they’d stick in there just to get it at the end and prove the point wrong. (But they might also be dicks-which a lot of guys are too, so…)
But to each his/her own as you said…
I don’t know if you will see this so late but I’m so sorry for assuming you are a man!!! I don’t know where I got that from. And you are right. 90 is a silly number. I don’t think it boils down to a number. I was saying I like to wait alittle longer and get to know the man fully…because these ninjas are so slick and try to put their best foot forward. I’m not mad at the sista who doesn’t want to wait process. I think all women should do what’s comfortable to them and little regrets. Sorry again!!
@SFG – i dont beef with the 90 day rule, i beef with the arbitrariness built on keeping one’s reputation in tact. i said it before, you can sleep with one dude and get labeled a ho if you carry yourself like one.
its come up a lot b/c i talk to a lot of women on IM and you wouldn’t believe the convos I have. so i pick stuff to write about it. i rarely concern myself with stuff like 90 day rules or whatever. its not one of my life’s problems right now.
btw, i never said a man doesnt want anything at all. what i said is that it seems retarded to start the boat if you can’t take it out on the water over a principle issue if you’re going to basically do everything but have sex…especially if its just over a principle. i’m not saying that all women should be boning on the first day. i dont personally care when you do whether its day 2 or day 7645. to each his own. its the principle that i’m discussing here.
I get it. All men like to go all they way. Who doesn’t enjoy sex? It’s the reprocussions of rushing into it that people don’t see. It’s no rule. Like I said above, I don’t count the days. That’s silly. I just try not to think with my heart and more with my head. If I meet a guy and I like him, Great. I’m not going to say to myself…”self, you like him and he turns you on, sleep with him!” because I’m smart enough to know that everyone puts their best foot forward. Being that I look at sex as more than a physical act and would be hurt if a man ripped and dipped…I wait. I wait until I’ve gotten to know him and he’s gotten to know me. It doesn’t completely devoid me of being hurt..but it helps in not becoming used.
Side note: I have NEVER met a man who didn’t like alittle substitution now and then. It’s all about gratification. There’s so much you can do to get to know each other physically. We can’t force you…so if you don’t like foreplay and want to go all the way then you can leave. I’ll tell you on the 1-2 date that I’m not casual with sex. It’s up to you to decide if you’re willing to wait with me or not.
I have NEVER met a man who didn’t like a little substitution now and then
I am trying to understand (bear with me I’m slow) what that “substitution” consist of? Is it like heavy petting? Do nether regions get involved? What does the “substitution” consist of?
Because if nether regions are involved in said “substitution” then the rule in itself IS silly…
Oh sh!t… the first thing(after the title of course) I saw was “C+I+G+(X-M) = Y” and I wanted to jump out the window… I haven’t even read the post yet… Oy VEY!
Ok, I’ve read and I’m back…
Why the heck can’t y’all just go whack off if you’re so frustrated and blue(intended)? Panamania, I think you were on to something with the whole “at least you getting something”… don’t be greedy!
LMAOOO!!!!
@Yeah…So – did you just call me Panamania? we need to talk about this…why do we get the gayest nicknames ever?
Panny. Panda. Champikins.
I don’t think you all love us.
You gotta admit that Panama Montanima is pretty butch, though.
Whaaa? You no likey? Well I was callin you “Mr. Jackson If You Nasty” but that sh!t is too long… *shrug*
At least I’m calling you Rrrrrrrrrrr!… see “at least you getting something” statement above.
“why do we get the gayest nicknames ever?”
cuz you’re gay? *shrugs*
shots fired.
*falls to floor giggling @ Miss P.
I have always always tried to be a giver. However. …. I am starting a new hold on to your drawers guys (many of You are) Becky Blue Balls has entered the building.
PS I am watching the golden girls. …. just love it!
@#1snowflake – Becky Blue Balls sounds like a pr0n waiting to happen.
Why get wet and you didnt even jump in the pool?!
Waste o’ time I say.
Golden Girls it is.
Those bitches are funny.
Awww, pj, you be making love and stuff? Cutie patootie
This cracked me up for like, 4 minus 2.7 minutes.
@B. Collins – i feel like you just clowned me and called me a p*ssy.
nope. but i did laugh when you said: making love. you say so much BS and then you said “making love.” It was funny. I laughed. I cried. It was very therapeutic for you wasn’t it?
@cheekie I think i made you stop and laugh last week too with some one line comment.
“@cheekie I think i made you stop and laugh last week too with some one line comment.”
You probably did. Laughing is my life. You good peoples.
excellent post, sir! from an economist’s perspective “something” might be and probably is better than nothing. but in the situations your post is referring to…the frustration and blueness of your ying and yang are felt on the female end too (at least on this female’s end)
what’s this waiting game all about anyway? if the guy is a fly-by-night kinda fella, he’s gonna leave on the 91st day anyway.
this isn’t high school. it’s the real world. know what you want and what you don’t want and like nike says: just do it!……safely
what’s this waiting game all about anyway? if the guy is a fly-by-night kinda fella, he’s gonna leave on the 91st day anyway
So true. I know dudes who have done that and felt no remorse. Like, they earned it after waiting 2 months and now they’re good. They can bounce. I get that some women wait a certain number of months to ensure that the guy she is giving it up to is one who genuinely cares about her but there is really no amount of time that will guarantee that. Who knows, for those 90 days, he could be getting it on with several other ladies on the side anyway. Your best bet is to just go with your gut. If you wanna do it, do it. If you’re terrified of being “used”, don’t sleep with a someone until you met their parents, they told you they loved, you and they introduce you to everyone as their bf/gf. And yes, there are guys that are willing to wait until you’ve done all that.
some women wait a certain number of months to ensure that the guy she is giving it up to is one who genuinely cares about her but there is really no amount of time that will guarantee that.
Bingo.
Nothing will make somebody care if they don’t in the first place. Now, if your BS sensor is so messed up that it takes a certain number of days for you to figure out if someone likes you or not… Then yeah, you’re better off waiting 180 days even…
Why start the car if you ain’t gon’ drive? (thanks dad)
I used to think that something was better than nothing. This line of thinking led me to remaining in a two-year relationship with a virgin and no jumpoff because I was trying to do the “right” thing. That experience has learned me a couple things regarding delayed gratification:
There is no guarantee of an ultimate payoff. You are responsible for making yourself happy today, because tomorrow is not promised anyway.
If you can’t live with the terms of your situation, why should you be the one to suffer? Move on, find someone who will move forward on your terms. Be happy today.
Having gone through a year of impotence in 2001 made me realize that men only have a finite number of years during which their equipment will work. Don’t squander those years “waiting” for something that’s ultimately not guaranteed.
Committing to someone who will start the car, but won’t drive, but tells you that she’ll drive eventually, does not help you reach your destination any sooner. Drive yourself around so that you get closer to your destination…along the way you’re free to pickup someone who wouldn’t mind driving.
Balleroso – Thanks for sharing your story and the analogy was great.
When I was in college, I didn’t have chex with my suitor for an entire school year because I was still a V. However, I communicated this with him and then gave him the option to have chex with the women who were willing to casually “put out”. He discreetly sexed the hoochies and overtly courted me. He eventually became my boyfriend for 4 years and asked me to marry him. I didn’t want to be married at 22 so we broke up.
Nevertheless, I think it’s selfish for a woman(or man) who is celibate/a virgin to expect someone who is sexually active to all of a sudden go cold turkey just because you choose to hold out.
@Caballeroso
welcome back from jamrock!
love the car analogy
“find someone who will move forward on your terms” – is the ULTIMATE truth.
C’mon Cab..being with a woman who made you wait 2 years is hardly what most will experience. She’s a unicorn. If you have to wait that long then you should leave. I don’t think a few months is hardly a long time. If I’m important, he will. If not then drive off ninja…but trust me when I tell you they always come back banging on my garage door. lol
lol, not the garage door!
@SFG – they always come back, huh? what is your secret?
I have a personality. No really that’s it. What if a guy just really likes you? Let’s say he wants that NOW punny and leaves. Then he might think about you and call you up regretting he left in the first place. I’m not talkin ish either. If you are a good woman, they’ll be back.
@sfg:
stop lying. i saw you in your white freakum dress.
no homo. lmao.
Aww d@mn KB I forgot about that. Aint nothing wrong with lookin sexay now! A sista in a potato sack gets no love.
@sfg:
girl.. im sure YOU would. somegirls could be wearin the hell outta a dress and still end up with ice cubes for nipples.
*files nails while waiting to get out of the expected moderation.
No you didn’t!!
*smh*
*looks at comments*
*notices 99% of people commenting that it is somehow OK to engage in foreplay without finishing the job just happen to be female*
*remembers the teasing column a few weeks back*
*Appreciates gf and other VSSs that doesn’t subscribe to such foolishness even more*
Thanks, y’all!
@Soula Powa – sadatay.
Like you said, beyond a certain age, you shouldn’t be having this issue. But beyond that, the frustration comes when two people don’t want the same thing. If I just want sex and i’m dealing with a woman who doesn’t want that will only lead to my frustration. Shame on me. If i’m looking for something more, well then the sex is merely a biproduct. Thus no frustration because my expectations are different.
Still though, some is better than none. The key is restraint. If I want “it all” but I know i’m not going to get it, i’m going to make damn certain that i’m not the one who will end up frustrated. So I would likely refuse to do anything beyond some intense face-sucking. Better that than having to go home and jack myself to sleep because all old girl wanted to do was get felt up.
@Intelligentleman – So I would likely refuse to do anything beyond some intense face-sucking. Better that than having to go home and jack myself to sleep because all old girl wanted to do was get felt up.
you wrote the whole post in two sentences. unfortunatley, my guild requires at least 600 words.
If i’m looking for something more, well then the sex is merely a biproduct.
And this my friend is a pro format of why the “insert random number here” rule is arbitrary at best, silly at worst. If someone likes you? Chex becomes a byproduct… One day in or 365 days in.
I give a stern side-eye (e_O ) to any woman who holds fast to some arbitrary 30/60/90 day intercourse rule, but will swallow baby batter on the third date. Get the eff outta here!
No, something is not better than nothing. I enjoy $ex, and I would never allow the man I’m dating to tease me to frustration just so I can I get a small taste of how good it will be on day 90. Nope, if we’re waiting, then we’ll wait. If he wants some brain or wants to give me some quality face time, then we are no longer waiting.
“swallow baby batter”
officially so. far. gone at this. official.
ok… I just threw-up in my mouth… and I am throwing-up again after thinking about how throwing in your mouth relates ever so slightly to baby batter in your mouth urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl
A word of advice…
Throwing up at the thought of semen and swallowing will kill the mood 85% of the time every time.
@ N.I.A. Throwing up at the thought of semen and swallowing will kill the mood 85% of the time every time.
well Id rather kill the mood than have the guy think this is remotely a possiblity.
to each his own
but this aint my thang
Concur… the only seeds touchin this tongue are of the sunflower variety #thatisall
Question
1. Have you ever had oral performed on you? Did you come? Did he keep going?
2. Do you have any idea what your own excitement looks like? Surely, if we expect a man to lick us clean, we shouldn’t be ashamed or squeamish about doing the same. I
‘m an equal opportunity lover… #NIAshrug
And that’s completely ok… me, I’m not so equal *GaryColeman shrug*
@N.I.A.
That’s a good question. I wonder if what came out of us looked and tasted like battery acid/cut grass if a man would swallow it? hmmm….
@SFG
It should not taste like battery acid or cut grass. That dude needs a change in his diet, because it can’t be a healthy.
Thank you for saying what needed to be said N.I.A.. People need to quit playing games because we all want it and want it to be good. The only reasons to wait are A) you wanting to see if the other person is a liability before you get caught up or B) you want them to like you for “who you are” because you know you are the liability.
I rock with that. Giving up head easy is just as bad as giving up anything else too easy.
@Bdot
UGH! we can’t win!
*officially gives up on dudes.
*wonders if the grass is greener on the other side. and by grass i mean the fleece jacket on the love below.
and y’all say WE’RE inconsistent and confusing?????
“UGH! we can’t win!”
We can if we just lump it all together like it’s ‘sposed to be instead of this silly “I’m a pure virginal creature, but I can blow yo back until we hit that final plateau.” No…chex is chex. It’s a wide spectrum. Or a tight one if you ain’t loose and/or do kegels and whatnot.
Thank you for breaking it down Cheekie!!!
You are way ahead of your years, young grasshopper!
@Keisha
It’s a pretty safe bet that a man will NOT respect you keeping your chastity, but topping him off after the first couple of dates. Dudes are simple creatures actually. To most of us, a nut is a nut.
What orifice it comes from doesn’t mean much. Pardon me for that sounding so harsh, but it’s true. The key there is to tell him off top, and more importantly don’t lead him on, and STICK TO IT.
Dont say “well I don’t want to have sex” but then invite him up to your apartment for some prolonged groping and face sucking. Of course (naturally) he’s going to want it, and will likely get mad if he can’t get it. Put the shoe on the other foot for a moment.
I’m sure you’d feel the same way.
We can win if we say what we mean, and mean what we say, and stick to our guns. Saying you want to wait, but then proceeding to not wait, is pure BS. Nothing confusing about that. Learn to communicate what you really want, then proceed from there.
I was gonna dap you up for telling the VSS’s to waste not, want not, but this right here edges it out slightly.
Ever so slightly.
MESSAGE!!
Wisdom and truth.com rolled up into one.
Mean what you say and say what you mean, por favor. Life will be soooo much simpler!
Keisha…they won’t respect you either way! Listen to what the vsbs are saying…they are contradicting themselves. They say if we swallow baby batter on the 2nd date, we get no respect. AND if we give it up on the 2nd date, we get no respect. Lmao.
How about we all just do what we want with our bodies!
“They say if we swallow baby batter on the 2nd date, we get no respect. AND if we give it up on the 2nd date, we get no respect.”
I think they’re saying that they’re both the same thing. You don’t get brownie points for not doing the latter, but doing the former.
That is exactly what I am saying. Thanks Cheekie.
@N.I.A….this comment says it all!
Thank you and Good nite!!!
@Jai
I cannot unsee….what has been seen.
@Bdot…for some reason my ‘new’ avi isnt posting. The one im trying to use even made me raise an eyebrow.
@Jai
It made me almost raise my lunch.
Word.Life.com
@N.I.A. naturally – i think i’m in love with this comment.
Ladies,
There is nourishment in baby batter, so I dont know why ya’ll tripping.
You better get you some protein.
Its nature’s multivitamin.
It thickens up girls and fattens @$$ses. Its chock full of protein and it whitens your teeth. So to receive the full benefits, its in your best interest to gargle THEN swallow.
Plus it also has anti-aging properties, so its ok take a face wash from time to time.
Get your nutrition on girls. Remember, you and millions of your twins were swimming in that protein pool before finding the egg, so don’t act brand new. Some of ya’ll actling like you too good now that you grew up. That ish is familiar territory. Hell, it might even give you flashbacks.
Its not gross, its healthy. So stop wasting baby batter.
Women talking about going green, reversing the aging process, etc, and not realizing the fountain of youth has been sitting in their man’s lap all this time. Why you think men age better than women? Its in us naturally.
So stop acting dumb and come get you some cu… er,.ah….baby batter.
This paid advertisement has been brought to you by the Baby Batters Association across the Globe, SKEETA(Society for the Kardashian Emancipated Ej@cul@te Treatment Association) and the Get Healthy and Swallow Campaign
*picks up hat and goes home*
*follows cheekie.
***ADVISORY*** If you are having lunch with macaroni salad, potato salad, ranch dressing, bleu cheese dressing, vanilla milkshake, cornmeal porridge, anything light and creamy DO NOT READ THIS POST by SOBO!
To go with that… I hatechu SoBo *throws lunch into garbage*!
@Yeah So
I just reread my post….. I admit, I do get really silly sometimes. lol!
Eitherway, I make no apologies and I stand by every word.
“Eitherway, I make no apologies and I stand by every word.”
Tell me something I don’t know… you definitely have a way with words lol
This ni@@a here is crazy, but he is right. Like Devin the Dude said, just call it Oil of Olay.
Not Oil of Olay…. Bwahahaha!
*slumped in office chair laughing….especially laughing at the endorses at the end of the message*
i have no objection to baby batter. it aint cocoa butter, so i wont be rubbin it into my skin. black dont crack and it aint got nutthin to do with your natural petrolium jelly. (vaseline ftw!).
OK GET ME OFF MODERATION
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Balleroso – Thanks for sharing your story and the analogy was great.
When I was in college, I didn’t have chex with my suitor for an entire school year because I was still a V. However, I communicated this with him and then gave him the option to have chex with the women who were willing to casually “put out”. He discreetly chexed the hoochies and overtly courted me. He eventually became my boyfriend for 4 years and asked me to marry him. I didn’t want to be married at 22 so we broke up.
Nevertheless, I think it’s selfish for a woman(or man) who is celibate/a V to expect someone who is chexually active to all of a sudden go cold turkey just because you choose to hold out. I also did not participate in HEAVY foreplay with him. I think that’s cruel.
Thanks for the epiphany, Panama. I’ve always rationalized myself to be a something better than nothing subscriber, but when I think about it, I can’t think of a time I’ve ever stopped at something.
For me, cuddling, spooning, closed mouth pecking, is all Kool & the Gang, but if I get to polishing your uvula, all systems need to be go.
Blockbuster (or nowadays Redbox) night cuddling/spooning is perfectly alright; it’s not to say that women need to be putting out. That whole “a brotha got needs” philosophy has kinda been carbon dated back to the Mesozoic era and Jordache Jeans commercials: #nuffsaid.
And to the 90 day rule detractors, the number may seem arbitrary, but by and large that’s an adequate space of time to:
1. Get to know your potential mate: up front bedroom play is like a 3-6 month long honeymoon. Everything’s right on the honeymoon. It’s when you get back home you notice they don’t floss, leave their tennis shoes that smell like everything-wrong-with-life right in the way of the front door, like to hop in the bed “smelling like outside”, etc. So before you apply gloss to the paint job, you want to make sure you thoroughly inspect the car for all the little dings, nicks, and scratches to make sure it’s worth it to break out the buffer and wax in the first place.
2. Screening: guy meets attractive woman. They date two or three times and have great chemistry. Woman tells guy 3 months. “Great” guy pays lip service but still presses up. Girl holds firm. “Great” guy moves on to easier prey. Woman feels empowered for “saving herself” from another failed relationship.
3. F*ck what ya heard, 90 days is a loooooong time (if everyone’s on the up and up): we all get like a crackhead on detox by week 2 (if that long: I’ve got men and women friends who get the itch by day 2-3). So, you couple that with finding someone engaging and attractive and you’ve got potentially questionable decision making with long-term ramifications and consequences coming down the pipe (pun intended).
But now that I’m back from the sidebar: yeah, all or nothing.
Holla
@holla front
i forgot i died at: Mesozoic era and Jordache Jeans commercials.
RIP me.
Forgive me for not being able to recall it verbatim (somebody help me out by filling in the errors/gaps)
“Todaaaay…we have gatherrred to bury the dearly dePARted…………
Well…that m*tha f*cka was dearly, and now his ass is dePARted!!”
LMAOOOO!!
interesting thoughts, i can’t say i have a decided opinion on the topic, i’ve done all, nothing, and somewhere in between, it depends on the person’s involved and their state of mind. I will say that today as i write this comment i’m at a stage where i do nothing. i have realized that sex, the abundance or lack thereof is rarely a predictor of how good or bad a relationship is and usually only furthers to complicate and tie me to a person who might only be filling a temporary space in my life. I have chosen to take the road less traveled. I want to share things that are lasting with a relationship that will last past the awkwardness of first dates, and the pretense of a midnight spooning only to be left weeks, or months later wondering where it went wrong. ok i’ve said too much. ciao!
I just wrote this whole dissertation and it didn’t post.
/epic fail
Thanks for making me realize I’m an all or nothing man though, Panama. I thought I was a something kind of guy, but thinking back: I can’t recall ever stopping at just something.
I ain’t about to rewrite the rest…
Holla
hmm
for once I kinda agree. there’s no reason to just round three bases if there is no hope of reaching home.
i mean really. to me its teasing. I mean a few passionate kisses but when you talking about anything more than that its to much.
foreplay is just that its the play BEFORE the main act. Its called that for a reason.
if it was meant to stand alone it would be called something else.
you cant have your cake and eat it too.
or require someone else to eat it! LOL
@PanamaJackson
Orange you a 3? Shouldn’t you be happy to just get a game of footsie going? I don’t think you have a leg to really stand in this argument…..
Men in general just need to pipedown and be patient. Good things come to those who wait. No pun intended on any of this… LOL.
*DEAD*
ok, so let me see if i have this right. (which i probably dont and expect PJ to come and say so as per usual).
we either have to give it all or give nothing at all.
if we choose to give it all – on day 1, 31 or 91: this may or may not make us a popular garden tool.
if we choose to make a dude wait – because we dont want to be thought of as said garden tool, because of our personal beliefs, because steve harvey said so.. may or may not makes us c*kteases, silly wabbits, or virtuous women worthy of a ring
of course, if we give it up to the guy who asks (99.99999% of them except CBG, SoBo and PJ appearantly), it’s us that have to deal with the labels and consequences. labels and consequences we’re not supposed to care about.
we either end up giving it up to the dude that only was after the kit kat chunky or the dude that was secretly hoping we ‘weren’t that kind of girl’
or we end up holding out for the dude that isn’t trying to hear dat ish or the dude who is willing to wait and respect it.
you know when you usually find out what kind of guy you’re dealing with?? AFTERwards. if a man wants to pretend that he’s the good guy and wait it out.. he can. he has. he does. he will.
moral of the story: EVERYONE is different. you have to open your mouth to speak your true and honest wants/needs and expectations up front. only then can i make an informed decision. if i make one based on deception and lies.. should i shoulder all the blame?
More like none. The blame can’t ever rest with the person who:
1. Clearly communicates their needs and wants (and the difference between the two) from jump.
2. Aligns their behavior to coincide with 1.
Can’t have a G-rated movie with NC-17 previews: wrong demographic.
1. Clearly communicates their needs and wants (and the difference between the two) from jump.
2. Aligns their behavior to coincide with 1.
And I think this is where most of the people get lost. You can’t say you’re doing one thing and then turn around and do the complete opposite. It makes everybody realize that you stand for NOTHING… and we know what happens to those who stand for nothing, yup they fall for anything… including the okey doke.
“And that’s One to Grow On!”
If you have rules/morals when it comes to chex, then you cannot place yourself in compromising
positionssituations. Case in point…dude Im kicking it with now. I thought it would be cool to go over his house in the pj’s to watch some movies. I took one look at dude with his wifebeater and basketball shorts (I came in the old navy flannel pants and a tank…very casual) and got back in my truck and went home. Somefcukingdebauchery was finna go down (pause) that night and I knew we were not ready. I knew that it would take one move from him and I would be repenting in church on Sunday. Sometimes you hold back everything because a part of you want to see where a situation may go and you don’t want to mess up anything.**sidenote…When I met this dude, I just had this feeling (butterfly effect). If things continue to progress I may need the services of KB
or I may need SFG to throw me one hell of a chex toy party!@jai
ch-ch-chea! and by the way.. remind me to tell you about my sweet + spicy party.
but good for you for recognizing the signs, getting out and sticking to your guns.
lmfao @ you taking one look at the chex ensemble on dude and hightailing it outta there. Wise woman. lol
@KB…I am honestly afraid of one of your sweet+spicy party (I aint ready) LOL
@Cheekie…dude just oozes chex appeal and swagger when fully clothed (plus he military…the UNIFORM~~~drool) but it quadruplified (not a word but seemed appropriate)in his casual.
@jai.
aint nutthin to be afraid about. i’ll dm you on le twitter later. i have pg pics posted on fb. lol.
it’s funny how the beater/ball shorts outfit can be so simple..yet..on the right dude..oh..so..praise jesus-make up words like quadruplified (stolen) worthy. mmm….shotgun BANG! (salt n pepa)
i expect an opportunity to help plan any future events and to be kept abreast of this developing scenario.
I feel ya on a man being chexy when super casual. A dude who is able to pull that off gets bonus double super points, even over a guy in a suit. Which I also love. *sigh*
Hmmmnn….quadruplified you say?…..
*on my way to Marshalls to buy 6 pairs of basketball shorts and a multi-pack of wifebeaters*
@SoBo
i expect to see:
a receipt
a picture of you in said purchase.
that is all.
@Mr SoBo…that is definitely a good look (I would suggest TJ Maxx, but I digress). I love my man in a suit just like the next woman, but wife beater + basketball shorts=chex
***side note
!
nekkid works too
Did I ever said that I heart you? Lol!
@Keisha Brown & Jai
Sad to say, I’ve gotten more reactions from women while wearing basketball shorts and a beater, than I ever did wearing my shirt & tie to work.
The same thing goes for Timbs with baggy jeans and a fitted.
I’m confused, should my hoodrat alarm be going off right now for yall?
BET/MTV painted a skewed picture of what a s*xy bl@ck man looks like.
I think they want you to come home from work in your suit/tie then change into basketball shorts/wife beater…go to kitchen and take wife beater off…slowly…while looking at us hungry…then walk around in just the basketball shorts…or nekkid. Does that explain it? Just saying.
@SFG
A pressed shirt and tie is not whats poppin’ in the streets. Back in the day, women used to salivate from both sets of mouths when seeing a man in uniform or in a suit. Now a beater and flip flops does the trick. A sign of the times I guess.
I hear ya’ll though. I can roll with it. Like I said, I have my shopping list set:
* 6 basketball shorts
* 3 multipacks of wifebeaters(different colors)
* 5 baggy sweat pants
* 9 fitted caps
* 2 chrome plated glocks
* 1 oversized chain & medallion
Wait’ll they get a load of me.
@SFG: *nods head.
@SoBo: no need to be confused. there is NOTHING like a man who can wear the HELL outta a suit. That will always get the 2 thumbs up. The wifebeater/ball shorts will get (well speaking for myself only) the 2 ankles up.
i am not a hoodrat. a dude that leaves his house in the beater/ball short uniform is not really gonna get much from me. that is not outtadoor approved. beater/ballshorts is for behind closed doors only. (or on the ball court of course).
@Sobo
You forgot the doo rag and removable gold teeth for when you gotta corporate thug em. Seriously though, a man filling out corporate gear is hot! ..and when he can come home and fill out
his boxersbasketball shorts…that’s even hotter. It has been written.I know, I know, I know.
I was teasing with the hoodrat comment.
Kinda.
Sorta.
I think.
I like the ankles up visual though. Very cumpelling. Yes, that was intentionally mispelled folks.
Thats right Jai thats what I mentioned upstage about arenas as far as situations you just don’t place yourself in unless you want it to go down…….
that should be up thread not stage , miss the edit feature.LOL…
Enjoy the feeling, sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel that way again or even just excited about someone……
@orange star
you will.
that is all.
@ Orange Star,
(sometimes we all feel that way, and sometimes you need a friendly reminder)
^No need to wonder, Sis! You will
@Orange…so true. Ive been single for a minute (a few years) and I’m just enjoying it. Will I
!
grab my ankleswalk down the aisle anytime soon…don’t know, but I am enjoying the momentand anxiously awaiting the day when I can save all the money I spend on Duracell battries@Jai
I got you…whatever you need girl. I just added to my trunk last weekend. I’ll even give you a vss discount. Btw, I cosign your post. I’ve done plenty of “um..i gotta go”s. Sometimes it’s just better that way. Nobody gets hurt. lol
@sfg:
plots visit to sfg..and brings the pink elephant trunk with her.
it’s leopard print. *lip smack*…you can buy one get one free
i knew we are e-sistrens for a reason!!!
*snickering and checks expedia for flights…
like duh! lol
As one who has had the rare opportunity of both being a virgin and dating a virgin, I am going to have to hesitantly agree with this post. Theoretically, I am a firm believer in restraint and the romance of waiting and pleasure-delay, yadda tantra yadda and to each his own.
But at the end of the day (especially a stressful one), I want what I want and I have the willpower of a 6-year-old and a fresh bottle of paste. If/when I’m around a man who (read: stops talking long enough) gives me the warm and fuzzies enough to get the inner green light and all systems go, I’m passing Go *and* collecting $200. I subscribe to the “when it feels right (good)” school of thought, which has rarely steered me wrong.
I don’t eat diet ice cream and I don’t order only appetizers.
I love Idris Elba. Lord knows I do. But if he’s not giving me the Full Monty, he’d be Friend Zoned so fast, his Brit accent would go Australian for a few moments. Granted, it’d be the little spoken of 2nd tier of Friend Zonery known as “Out of the Blue”, but I digress…
diet ice cream?!?!
where dey do dat at? isnt that like.. gelato or somethin?
real ice cream has milk. which has calcium. which is good for the bones. so henceforth furthermore, ergo – eat ice cream dagnamit!
that is all.
Wait…what IS diet ice cream? I mean, sugarless ice cream for the diabeetus, yes…but DIET? That’s yogurt. Or sherbert. Or sorbet. There is diet ice cream??
I’ve seen it. It was like spotting an evil unicorn. All my prior wishes were revoked.
haha! Exactly. Diet ice cream is just offensive.
diet ice cream=frozen yogurt….I think
Okay..so between the Twitter HATE mail I just received and people cutting into what I originally posted…I will say this.
At the end of the day, say what you’re about. If dude likes you, he’s down for whatever. All I can do is be me and be honest with myself. Obviously as the resident perv, it doesn’t take a pyschologist to see I’m a bit nasty. If I indulged in every thought I had about a man, I would be a bonafide hoe. I just try not to do anything that I will regret in the a.m.
Somethings I do not regret.
Sorry if that pisses some of you off. My guy friend LOVES me btw. Poo poo on me huh? VSBs if you aren’t down with waiting and only want to kiss until then…then say so and leave. Everybody’s free to do what they want.
That’s it. That’s all.
Props / co-sign / fist bump / secret handshake
Wait…you received Twitter hate mail from a comment you wrote on VSB? Why didn’t they come here? Or did you tweet this topic?
uh yeah WTF?
We need a computer engineer: STAT! Somebody program a pair of Twitter Hata Blockas for SFG so she can wear them indoors at the club tonight.
#DEAD!!!!! LMAO
It was a 2 sentence of me being conceited and arrogant bish. And she came back to tell me I’m a hypocrite. It actually made me laugh though. I’m not a “blogger” and I actually find VSB to be entertaining and informative. I dunno why some people take it so seriously. And to think for a second that you actually know me enough to make comments like that is hilarious.
*fist bump for my girls then goes to corner and sits down*
@ SFG
To quote Daz Dilinger, “F*CK the haters!”
But on the flip side, to quote 50, “I need you to hate…it gives me energy.”
So I guess let the haters hate and the winners win.
End
i know i’ve been on vsb since i got to work.. but um.. thats a lil bit too much time on ones hands. and um.. while i stand by everything i say and type (unless i stand corrected), is me 100%(well except the online name ironically) – it doesnt mean you know me well enough to judge. you aint jesus.
anywho insert legit_soul sideeye here. e__O
@SFG,
Girl you know you a disciple of the teaching’s of Kat, and you know if you got hate you are doing your job
^Naw, but seriously…You can’t please everybody and although I don’t need to state so, keep being the cool lady you are.
I was soo trying to post Kat’s mug shot with the Colgate smile. I’d post the link to it but it took me about 47 seconds to close all of the pop ups from the website.
As you all were…
Thanks peeps! How can I forget my dawg Katt?!
*jumps from out corner*
It’s their job to hate and if I aint got haters then I’m doing something wrong.
Awwww….group hug. lmao
*90′s era intricate dap handshake*
As a career macroeconomist I love this post. I don’t mind you giving me something and not all, as long I get it all eventually. That d*ck teasing nonsense should have been left behind in your early twenties…