Did you miss us a little while we were gone?
I don’t know if you noticed or not, but we took a brief hiatus here at VSB. Now this wasn’t a planned hiatus at all. In fact, if I told you how it ended up happening you wouldn’t believe me anyway. But it included snow in the Northeast, the Julian calendar, and general all around niggadry. Either way, it’s 2011. Welcome to the other side. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t say this: R.I.P. Teena Marie.
As you’ve read in the past few weeks, we have a lot lined up for this year at VSB. We have a book coming out (soon and very soon we are going to see the king), Very Smart Singles (and we’ve received quite a few submissions already, apparently folks are looking to get bunned up in these streets), and a few other things to look forward to that I can’t quite let out of the bag yet. It’s the revolution of evolution around this bad boy.
And I am your big brother.
Well, what better way to get back into the swing of things than with some New Year’s Resolutions? To be frank – actually I’ll be Panama, but for the sake of this exercise, I’ll be frank – I’ve never been one to believe in New Year’s resolutions. I mean, why wait until the beginning of the year to come to some life-altering decisions about how you want to live life and proceed. I feel like that should be on a rolling admissions basis like entrance to the Bunny Ranch or Everest College, whose commercials are getting funnier and funnier.
Back to the resolutions. While I’ve never been a big fan, I do realize that I have some things I need to get right with my life for this year. Last year was a particularly difficult year for me. Can’t do that again. Won’t do it again. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t have any resolutions last year so I should do something different right? Right.
So in the spirit of sharing being caring, and my pledge to smack it up, flip it and rub it down at all costs, here are some resolutions for the twenny-leven.
1. Live in the positive and don’t dwell in the negative.
Right out the gate with the mantra for life that I’ve let get away from me. See, I was renting an apartment from the devil apparently. Between Beelzebub, Lucifer and Pretty Tony from The Mack, my mind has been clouded with really bad slum lord-tenant relations. Well I’m moving on up to the East side or at least to a happy, Pleasantville-like suburb nearby. Not time for fake ones. But mostly, if you breed positivity, then that’s all that will come to you. In that, I’m positive I’m sexxy and that you should repeat after me: I will not lose.
Speaking of Jay-Z, I finished with Decoded. I don’t understand the point of the book. It wasn’t terrible, but it’s like a day in the mind of Jay-Z. I feel like it’s the transcription of a 3-hour conversation with a few guided questions. Not that this is a bad thing, but the book honestly could be summed up like this:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
Except I got that free off of the Internet as opposed to my mother paying $35 for a book that explains blatant song lyrics to white people and Black people who have never left the suburbs or watched BET.
By the way, I intentionally didn’t list where that came from. If you don’t know, I feel sorry for your mother.
2. Don’t miss opportunities, and if you do, create new ones.
You can’t wait around for other people to realize how great you are. Sometimes you just have to show them. Kanye got it right. Waitaminute, KANYE GOT IT RIGHT. F*CK IT, I’M GOING TO BE GREAT AND IF YOU DON’T RELEYEZ IT IM GONNA TEL U UNTIL U GIT IT. LET ME BE GRATE. LEGGO. STREETS IZ WATCHING AND MY EYEZ ARE WATCHING GOD WHOZE CLEARLY WATCHING ME. IF YOU DONT GET IT, I’M GONNA KICK IN THE DOOR WAVIN’ THE .44. ALL I HEARD WAS PJ DONT HIT ME NO MORE! hold.me.
3. Be nice to old people unless they’re asking me for money.
Just saying. If you’re over 65 and you’re first words to me are for money, I’m going in on how your social security dividends are gonna milk me dry. No farm animal.
4. Take your time young man. Don’t you rush to get old.
I said it first.
5. Use Waka Flocka Flame as inspiration. It ain’t luck, it’s being ready when the opportunity presents itself. Oh, and about luck. Eau les duet.
He’s my idol along with Puffy. No discernible talent but really good at being successful.
I feel like I have nothing lose. So I offer you…I offer my life. What do you bring to the table?
So what are your resolutions for the MMXI?
Happy New Year.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka VITAMIN P aka 21 KOOKAROO GANGSTA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3