Lists, Pop Culture

Some Very Smart Resolutions for 2011 and Beyond

Welcome back.

Did you miss us a little while we were gone?

I don’t know if you noticed or not, but we took a brief hiatus here at VSB. Now this wasn’t a planned hiatus at all. In fact, if I told you how it ended up happening you wouldn’t believe me anyway. But it included snow in the Northeast, the Julian calendar, and general all around niggadry. Either way, it’s 2011. Welcome to the other side. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t say this: R.I.P. Teena Marie.

As you’ve read in the past few weeks, we have a lot lined up for this year at VSB. We have a book coming out (soon and very soon we are going to see the king), Very Smart Singles (and we’ve received quite a few submissions already, apparently folks are looking to get bunned up in these streets), and a few other things to look forward to that I can’t quite let out of the bag yet. It’s the revolution of evolution around this bad boy.

And I am your big brother.

Well, what better way to get back into the swing of things than with some New Year’s Resolutions? To be frank – actually I’ll be Panama, but for the sake of this exercise, I’ll be frank – I’ve never been one to believe in New Year’s resolutions. I mean, why wait until the beginning of the year to come to some life-altering decisions about how you want to live life and proceed. I feel like that should be on a rolling admissions basis like entrance to the Bunny Ranch or Everest College, whose commercials are getting funnier and funnier.

Back to the resolutions. While I’ve never been a big fan, I do realize that I have some things I need to get right with my life for this year. Last year was a particularly difficult year for me. Can’t do that again. Won’t do it again. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t have any resolutions last year so I should do something different right? Right.

So in the spirit of sharing being caring, and my pledge to smack it up, flip it and rub it down at all costs, here are some resolutions for the twenny-leven.

1. Live in the positive and don’t dwell in the negative.

Right out the gate with the mantra for life that I’ve let get away from me. See, I was renting an apartment from the devil apparently. Between Beelzebub, Lucifer and Pretty Tony from The Mack, my mind has been clouded with really bad slum lord-tenant relations. Well I’m moving on up to the East side or at least to a happy, Pleasantville-like suburb nearby. Not time for fake ones. But mostly, if you breed positivity, then that’s all that will come to you. In that, I’m positive I’m sexxy and that you should repeat after me: I will not lose.

Speaking of Jay-Z, I finished with Decoded. I don’t understand the point of the book. It wasn’t terrible, but it’s like a day in the mind of Jay-Z. I feel like it’s the transcription of a 3-hour conversation with a few guided questions. Not that this is a bad thing, but the book honestly could be summed up like this:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Except I got that free off of the Internet as opposed to my mother paying $35 for a book that explains blatant song lyrics to white people and Black people who have never left the suburbs or watched BET.

By the way, I intentionally didn’t list where that came from. If you don’t know, I feel sorry for your mother.

2. Don’t miss opportunities, and if you do, create new ones.

You can’t wait around for other people to realize how great you are. Sometimes you just have to show them. Kanye got it right. Waitaminute, KANYE GOT IT RIGHT. F*CK IT, I’M GOING TO BE GREAT AND IF YOU DON’T RELEYEZ IT IM GONNA TEL U UNTIL U GIT IT. LET ME BE GRATE. LEGGO. STREETS IZ WATCHING AND MY EYEZ ARE WATCHING GOD WHOZE CLEARLY WATCHING ME. IF YOU DONT GET IT, I’M GONNA KICK IN THE DOOR WAVIN’ THE .44. ALL I HEARD WAS PJ DONT HIT ME NO MORE! hold.me.

3. Be nice to old people unless they’re asking me for money.

Just saying. If you’re over 65 and you’re first words to me are for money, I’m going in on how your social security dividends are gonna milk me dry. No farm animal.

4. Take your time young man. Don’t you rush to get old.

I said it first.

5. Use Waka Flocka Flame as inspiration. It ain’t luck, it’s being ready when the opportunity presents itself. Oh, and about luck. Eau les duet.

He’s my idol along with Puffy. No discernible talent but really good at being successful.

I feel like I have nothing lose. So I offer you…I offer my life. What do you bring to the table?

So what are your resolutions for the MMXI?

Happy New Year.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka VITAMIN P aka 21 KOOKAROO GANGSTA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/killa_kayyy koko_chanelle

    my heart smiled when i saw calvin and hobbes.

    now i’ll actually go back and read the rest of the post. =]

    • eff yo couch

      I’ve already failed at attempting my New Year’s resolution, which is to be the first person to post on VSB … so with that said, my New Year’s Resolution is to dust myself off and try again …. Aaliyah

      • http://twitter.com/#!/killa_kayyy koko_chanelle

        my bad. lol i was just really excited about the picture.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          glad you are. i wonder if anybody will hit us with the cease and desist and ask us to take it down. lol. since that’s a real possibility, enjoy it while you can.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      did your heart do a dougie after it smiled? i’ve heard that’s what usually happens after a smile.

      a good shellacking too.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/killa_kayyy koko_chanelle

    2. Don’t miss opportunities, and if you do, create new ones.

    You can’t wait around for other people to realize how great you are. Sometimes you just have to show them.

    << Something that I've never believed in doing before, but I think I might have to consider this as a new way of life.

    • http://twitter.com/#!/killa_kayyy koko_chanelle

      Oh yeah, i forgot
      MY resolution…is to not have any at all!! lol j/k

      This year instead of listing a bunch of things I know I should start doing, but know that I really won’t. I decided on a motto to live by. Short simple, to the point, but vague enough to apply to just about everything.

      “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” << my new answer to everything lol

  • PHISTEE

    Oh PJ I’ve missed u! I don’t make resolutions every year I just work on being a better me and that’s what I’ll continue to do keep my head up never do anything to regret and try to smile at least once a day…that is all HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

    • Myseducation

      “…and try to smile at least once a day”

      That’s good medicine! Doesn’t cost anything and has minimal side effects

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      PJ missed you too baby.

      lol. how’s that for some of that 70’s soul singer pimp game call-and-response ish?

      • NY2VA

        I fell out when I read this because I just watched Martin all day Saturday. All I could picture was the episode when that fool was rocking a cape and some platform shoes, talking to Gina like he was Goldie.

        • WIP

          Glad I wasn’t the only one that wallowed in Martin all weekend.

      • http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15

        If you rocking your ‘fro and a paisley shirt with a blue vest, corduroy bell bottomed pants and fish bowl platform heels while saying it then you did very well.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          that’s my standard work outfit. and some boxer briefs.

          • http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15

            ooooh sh*t thats sexxxy ;-) lmao

          • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

            Well damn, Daddy…

  • http://twitter.com/coltranesnaima TheTalentedMs.Fiasco

    My new years resolution is to create a nuclear fallout shelter for when twitter collapses.

  • http://twitter.com/coltranesnaima TheTalentedMs.Fiasco

    YOOO, I had to memorize the opening of The Tale of Two Cities when I was a Freshmen in high school. My friend and I recite it to each other every time we reunite.

  • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    “So what are your resolutions for the MMXI?”

    I wrote all’at at the eCrib, but now I kinda wish I wrote mine in Roman numerals like you. Thus, I’ll add another resolution to my list:

    Be more fancy. Huh.

    *sips tea*

    • sistaPOET

      make sure to raise your pinky finger.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        You know it was already done. :)

  • http://gravatar.com/tayjorcolmar Taylormay

    Oh how I’ve missed VSB!
    Antywhoo… For 2011 (and beyond) I will seek intimacy in all of my relationships.

    and to be more funny in a less sarcastic way

    to stop being a stereotypical nigglet and be persistant in my goals like:
    sewing,
    creating an online mag for black girls and young adults
    and getting out of college with a creative writing degree and actually do something with it/ get rich or die trying (I’ll show the haters and nay sayers!)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Antywhoo… For 2011 (and beyond) I will seek intimacy in all of my relationships.

      so you be holdin’ out huh?

      • http://gravatar.com/tayjorcolmar Taylormay

        lol yeah… well that and just seeking a deeper connection in all of my interactions without cheapening those bonds because of greed and selfishness

  • http://twitter.com/_brandoc Brando

    A) Happy New Year to the VSB fam. *confetti n ish flys*

    B) Wacka Flocka is the new age blueprint that playing dumb works. Him and B. Pumper. I want to find an anti-thesis to this but at the moment … I can’t. *sob*.

    C) I think every moment you take in ANY new year should be to improve on the year before, no matter what the circumstance. If you have to create an enemy to do great ala Michael Jordan then do it.

    • http://calmpleks.wordpress.com Calmpleks

      B) Wacka Flocka is the new age blueprint that playing dumb works. Him and B. Pumper. I want to find an anti-thesis to this but at the moment … I can’t. *sob*.

      Agreed. Add Antoine Dodson to that list.

  • hehe

    ugh I can’t think of any new years resolutions that’s not superficial :(

    • hehe

      Also ppl need to stop making new years resolutions that are depended on another person for it to be successful like make a shit load of money at my job or get a job that pays a shitload? umm how can you do that. Be more realistic and more specific.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      nobody said resolutions had to be society altering. lol

  • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage of Silence

    To me, the form is a fundamental essence behind function. Sure, shallow people glaze over the ideal and simply choose alongside their desires for what looks nicer. And its not that they are wrong but that they miss the point. Diddy & Waka are the results of lazy people. -nuff said, figure the rest out alone.(or in a group)

    Resolutions: are like a socially designated day to hit the refresh button on life. However, our financial institutions and much else of the World (which is still considered 3rd World) has different traditions accompanying the New Year.

    As I find myself increasingly gripped by the loneliness that I’ve developed for my life, I have realized that much of the interactions we bare for one another result in complete and utter futility. And balancing pride, magnanimity & importance all become different shades of grey.

    As a result, my New Year started the very same way the last one ended. But I will always have tomorrow to change that. And I will always have today to work towards tomorrow.

    In short, I’m thanking you mofo’s that run this site, that view and comment on this site and encourage the original set of mofos to continue doing their thing. Its a hard thing to be knowingly divisive and find pride in that. But this community keeps me inspired to doing just that.

    Because all the nigras around me cannot stand my halfway intelligent a$$. lol
    Love y’all VSB’s and VSS’s

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      um…you’re welcome!