Social Networking Intraux Pas: Don’t Do This

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Don't need no words.

While everybody here doesn’t live their entire life like its golden, quite a few spend hours camped out on the Internet. Some folks camp out here at VSB and other sites intended to inspire discussion. Others nestle down on sites that let you buy things you don’t need like that V-neck thong I saw some chick rocking here in DC a few weeks back. What is a V-neck thong?

It’s pretty much what happens when the tortoise and the hare start the race and a honeybadger comes through not caring AND not giving a sh*t.

Exactly. Point is a lot of us spend a lot of time online. And that means that many of us will begin to meet people online. Some folks use dating sites. I happened upon this article on CNN yesterday about called “Online dating? Why no one wants you” that listed a bunch of ways to turn somebody off by the initial message you sent to somebody via a dating site. To wit:

1). The generalizer

Example: hey, wuts up?

Why no one wants you: You’re probably stupid. Or possibly illiterate. What’s going on with you? Something cool? OK, tell him/her about that, instead. Nothing at all? Go out and cultivate a hobby of some sort, and then get back to us.

Guffaw.

That article got my wheels turning. The big wheels kept on turning. Then we were rolling. Rolling. True story, I’ve met a significant number of individuals online. And nearly all of them because they’ve tracked down my AIM and well, AIM’d me. Some successfully, some unsuccessfuly. I’m guessing this is a story many of us can relate to. Especially since so many people have become interested in meeting the very people they follow on Twitter or in comments sections of websites. Either way, much like the first impression dating site intro, I’m sure people have spent significant amounts of time looking like idiots with the random social network connect. So I figured I’d share some similar, but specific ways folks f*ck up that entire potential. Basically the kind of people that don’t get contacted back.

And by the way, some of these will be actual examples of connections gone wrong, perhaps we can call them AT&T ninjas. Bong Bong.

1. “Hi!”

In today’s day and age of baby theft and gorillas taking over the planets, you’ve got to show up with more in your initial greeting than a “hi!” homey. I’m bound to assume that you’re some sort of hi-bot sent to infiltrate my computer system and if I respond back with anything I’ll inadvertently send out some sort of supervirus that will expose all of the hidden children and wives. Plus since I don’t really f*ck with Southwest Airlines like that (I’m more NWA), I won’t feel free to move about the country. I don’t like Snickers either. So I’m mad short. Skeelo.

2. “yo, i read vsb. dm me.”

Yo, me too. I read that sh*t. Can I ask a serious question, what in blue blazes would make anybody think that would be a good way to get me, Panama Dontavious Jackson, to want to talk to you? No dis or anything but that’s retarded. Can’t lie, I tried that sh*t on Rihanna. I @’d her that “I liked S&M. DM me” No response. Perhaps I should have thrown Chris Brown under the bus or something but I kind of feel like you can only try once. Oh well. Chris Brown stays winning anyway, I would have felt dirty. Beautiful people.

3. “You don’t know me but I love your site. I go there everyday. Slim Jackson is my favorite writer.”

Slim if you’re reading. You’ve got a fan out there who thinks you write for VSB. Pretty sure it’s the whole Jackson thing. And this one actually happened. I responded back with “wrong group of reading n*ggas, but thanks for supporting Blackness.” By the way, I’m sure this young lady was lovely but in one fell swoop she proved that she doesn’t read OR pay attention. Womp womp womp.

4. “I think I just saw Panama Jackson at XXX’s.”

This has nothign to do with anything, but let me tell you something, that sh*t is scaaaaaaaaaary. Mostly because it never happens at the club. I’ll be at a specific CVS and my phone will buzz and I’ll see that “404-04″ that I’ve changed to read “Twitter, B*tch” in my phone and “Just saw @panamajackson buying some Charmin Ultrasoft, but wasn’t sure if it was him so I didn’t want to stab the wrong person. Hi @panamajackson!”

For the record, people, people, people, if you do see me out, holla at me. That takes the edge off. I won’t bite you. Unless we ever make it to 2nd base. Or is that 3rd base? I can’t remember.

Bong bong.

5. “Do you want some nude pics?”

My bad, that one is the winner.

Anyway, it’s Friday. Let’s enlighten the masses. What are the most obnoxious and ridiculous ways people can turn you off trying to contact you via social networking? Let’s help the children.

Atari 2600.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

PS Sending extra special prayers and wishing everybody on the East Coast under the threat of Hurricane Irene best of luck this weekend as we all hope that the storm doesn’t negatively impact the lives of too many. I need EVERYBODY to show up on Monday talking about surviving the hurricane. Everybody, dammit. Real talk…be safe people.

501 thoughts on “Social Networking Intraux Pas: Don’t Do This”

  3. LOL! Panama, I saw you at Marvin’s Monday and said “What’s up” like we go back like 4 flat tires. We don’t. Was that scary? I didn’t tweet about it.

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    • Speaking of men and bad picture poses…I hate the “rubbing hands together” pose that guys have been wearing out these days and I hate it with a passion.

      Standing over there looking like they’re rubbing lotion in or something…

      #PleaseStopThatIsh

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    • naw…i should correct that. I dont have a problem with folks stopping me in the street (which happens a lot now) or tweeting that they saw me…

      it’s the ones where i get the awkward “I’m watching @panamajackson right now buy a stick of gum” and i turn around and nobody’s there. lol.

      i actually like it when folks come up and talk to me. but when folks sit and stare and then tweet me that they’re looking at me i want to kick squirrels. come talk to me dammit! lol.

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  4. This one guy hit me with the shy brother online and that in and of itself was a turn off but the fact that the dude was 30 plus and his profile pic was a middle finger pic was a major turn off. Like really, dude? #weoffthat

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    • you know in general i think men don’t know how to pose for pictures… i’m not sure if they are awkward, don’t understand what to do with their arms and hands or haven’t watched america’s next top model or what.. but if left to their own devices they have no idea how to just look natural and free in a pic unless they are balls out its like they need to take “action shots” all the damn time… hands up, middle fingers in the air, pointing at something etc…

      please add to the list of pictures of grown allegedly crime free men that don’t make the cut.. piles of money that isn’t yours, drugs*, and guns-seriously how old are you? and what are you thinking?

      *although an advocate for the decriminlaization of all schedule one narcotics, i know better than to be in pics rolling around in cocaine and ecstasy

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      • they need to take “action shots” all the damn time… hands up, middle fingers in the air, pointing at something etc…

        FUNNY!!! You are so right about that. OMG, now that you’ve mentioned that, all I can think of is the picture booth at the club. It’s gotta stop somewhere….From here on out, I’ll make it my mission to call them on it when its picture time!!

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      • ****i know better than to be in pics rolling around in cocaine and ecstasy****

        LOL I would hope so… I mean can’t you absorb some levels of cocaine through your skin? #UrbanLegend?

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        • cocaine and many other drugs can be absorbed through any mucus membrane orifice of the body eyes, nostrils, gums, tongue, vagina & anus

          SN: i watched kids getting drunk on youtube by putting vodka into their eyes we ARE headed for destruction :(

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      • YESS! I’m always making fun of my male cousins because they never smile in pictures. They think smiling makes them soft. A lot of them take pictures of themselves putting smoke in the air or their hats tilted down. I have to remind them that they are kids from the suburbs and no one cares if they are “hard.”

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      • Those damn money shots are the worse. I’m supposed to believe somebody with money legit or not would post a pic of it on a social networking site. If by chance you really are getting paper….keep playing and on a broke day, I’m finding out where you live and doing you in!
        Travel to Wachovia, BOA, or somebodies credit union then holla at me.

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      • C’mon Yoles. What if dude is actually a legalization activist? In order to legalize something, you have to show what it is, right? :) LOL

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      • I had no problem smiling in my avi pic.

        Then again, I took that about a week before I left Korea….That smile was genuine as hell. lol

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    • it’s hard to look cool posing. most dudes taking pictures who aren’t models find it hard to maintain your cool when you’re intentionally trying to be cool in a pic. its an odd dance. them sh*ts are forever.

      plus considering how often women clown us for our pictures…its a no win anyway.

      #wangshot

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      • You got some? lol. Speaking of nude pics…. I just saw Dieon Sanders’ daugther had some nude pics released today. For the life of me I can’t get why would someone take nude pictures and email them to someone. I mean once its downloaded it pretty much public domain.

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        • Yeah I have nude pics….but are they of me? I’ll never tell any of you #ripbrittanymurphy

          It’s too dangerous out here to just practice your playboy steez with just anybody. If you get a pic of me, I’ve got an even more compromising pic of you

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          • One of my good friends is in HR for a large hospital in Va, and she told me one time that she always check facebook, google and other sites for information. Its pretty much fair game b/c If that person eventually walks up the corporate ladder and damaging photos or information on that person is released. It can affect the corp. bottom line.

            I can imagine someone is in a job interview for some corporation and the interviewer says: “Um, I googled you and I’m pretty sure I saw you in a twitpic in your birthday suit. We were going to give you the job but now….thanks for coming in and good luck in your job search.”

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            • So true. HR is always combing the internet for anything employees are doing that appear detrimental to the company. People get fired for making their personal lives accessible to public eyes.

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            • The secret? Keep your fun and business emails completely separate, and use those privacy settings! My stuff is locked down like Fort Knox. If they Google me, all they’ll see is pictures of me and my daughter. Unless absolutely hates kids, it’s ALL good.

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            • Yes, I work in HR as well and we google everyone. We check FB, Twitter, LinkedIn…everything. It’s pretty much a part of our hiring process. Be careful what say and post on the internet…it follows you.

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        • I don’t understand this sharing of neekid photos that guys get from women with other men. I’m hesitant to send face pictures. No way am I actually going to send MY gifts. What do I gain from other dudes knowing? A pat on the back?

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          • (This might post twice so my bad).

            Could you explain your hesitancy with sending face pics? I’m only curious because you have an avi up and I’m assuming it’s you.

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              • Just reread what you wrote. Wow, I def have zero reading comprehension skills. Can we just blame this on it being Friday and all? lol

                I think guys share because either they have no respect for the woman in question or she is the hottest girl they’ve ever gotten and need to a visual verification for their stories.

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  6. Ironically this article is dedicated to those who have left the above comments. I’m always astonished at the amount of comments I see either when I wake up or am getting home from work and checking VSB. Like you have VERY dedicated readers. How can yo comment two seconds after a post goes up? I’m trying myself to become less re;iant on technology, but its hard. I believe technology has made us too spoiled, but in some ways it’s justified as efficiency.

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    • Well some of the above comments. It seems like people have forgptten how to live. I wish I didn’t use technology as much as I do you need a break from life sometimes, but it seems we have a 24 hr stream of mostly usless info. In regards to reationships I simply believe face to face interaction is the best way to go.

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    • I believe technology has made us too spoiled, but in some ways it’s justified as efficiency.

      Yahtzee! Therein lies the conundrum. The internet is a (relatively) new forum for interacting with people, so many of its users are not up on their Marshall McLuhan: they fail to realize that the medium demands specific types of messages for optimal social interaction.

      Thus, you have people who do not put the best faces on their online communications. Instead, they haphazardly write instant messages that suggest that they are pre-teens and not adults.

      Because the newly wired populace needs to internalize the rules of electronic etiquette along with an e-lexicon, online communications are often efficient without being effective. So they end up complicating lives instead of simplifying them.

      And technology tends to have this complicating effect in general: as tasks require less time, people tackle more tasks simultaneously. This can be said of the impact of agriculture just as much as the impact of the personal computer.

      So much for peace and quiet! Ah ha ha ha ha!

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    • “I believe technology has made us too spoiled, but in some ways it’s justified as efficiency.”

      It is only efficient for SOME things. I thing people forget that off line interaction is extremely important. I HATE telling people important stuff online. I hate texting my friends serious things, but I know they just don’t like talking on the phone. In HS, people would send 1,000 texts a day and I really got so use to texting, but I still hated it. However, if everyone is communicating in a certain way then you are anti-social if you don’t get with the program.

      Personally, I think the Internet is wonderful, but it sort of forces you into a persona. I can’t be 100% real online because people don’t know me. People aren’t going to read this post in the voice that I speak on the daily. They aren’t going to hear me emphasis certain words unless I write them in ALL CAPPS! My sarcasm doesn’t translate as well and my personality gets completely watered down.

      This always creates tension for me because I just don’t know how to present myself sometimes, which is probably why I don’t make many online friends. I have only talked to 1 person I’ve met online. I didn’t initiate the interaction, but we’ve become friends in the “i’ll text you one in a blue moon” kind of way.

      Maybe its me, but I wouldn’t even know how to ask somebody I think is cool online if they would want to talk offline. I’m too awkward for those shenanigans.

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        • blame it on 4:20…and double irony.

          i think personality only comes across when you read between someone’s lines… most people don’t “get” you online (or off) ’cause they don’t know how to stop lookin’ for what they’re lookin’ for and start lookin’ at what they see. little known fact: you were one of the few people that made me less anti-twitter (even without the DM action)…’nother little known fact: when i saw “blue moon” i immediately thought, “WTF!? was he REALLY tryin’ to get her drunk off of blue moon!?”

          holy R.I.F.

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      • I just don’t know how to present myself sometimes, which is probably why I don’t make many online friends.

        This is me. I’ve tried message board/forums, had a myspace for short minute, comment on blogs but ppl don’t get me on the internets. In person though? Ppl are drawn to me. (ahahahaha! I just hit the space button twice expecting it puncuate my sentence like on my iPhone.)

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      • OMG yes!! I AM sarcasm personified. And it translates horribly through text. It’s bad enough having to explain sarcasm IRL, but through text I just find myself offending people on a regular basis. It’s so hard for me to communicate with people who aren’t/don’t appreciate sarcasm – because I can’t even be myself. I just come off as being a b!tch…

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    • Bisous, I am convinced that the people here have elven genes. That has to be the explanation for how they are able to post seconds after the new blog entry. Elven genes!

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  7. People catch you in the streets cus you put your picture out there. The masses can’t handle your uhm…sexxxiness. Meanwhile *looks at FB fam pictures over on the right* it kind of freaks me out that so many of my friends IRL read this site. You are MAJOR son!!!!! <—See! I'm still young and hip. Wait! Do the kids say hip anymore?

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  10. No lie I honestly direct a lot of people here to the post explaining men aren’t good at getting compliments from women. When I get a “You have pretty eyes” message they usually get hit with a “Thank You” and a hyperlink here. lol

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