So What Exactly Is “Black Love”?

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Yesterday I wrote a post about Barack and Michelle and their love shining bright. They let their souls glo…and shine through. It’s a beautiful thing.

Well in the course of writing that post, I mentioned the term “Black love” quite a few times and began to ask myself what that actually meant. Now, for the purposes of most conversations in the community, saying Black love usually doesn’t require a definition. It’s like pr0n, it might be hard to define but folks know it when they see it. There’s never really been a need to place any boundaries or limits on the term. Conversely, I don’t think most of us really think about how deep the idea is in and of itself.

The concept of Black anything has always been an interesting. I’m no expert on any other culture and I’m sure I’ll be corrected on this, but Blackness is one of the few areas of most of us colored lives that gets questioned constantly. Not being Black enough is a real shot at somebody’s character. And it usually means that you’re attempting to be white. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. If that’s who you are then that’s who you are. But nobody every says, you’re being too Latino or Chinese to a Black person. Naw, you’re just not Black enough. Does that happen to Latinos, Asians, etc? Are super proper speaking Asian kids sellouts? I doubt it.

Point is, Blackness is complicated and always will be. So the concept of Black love can’t be simple right?

If two Black people are dating or married and in love, does that, by default constitute Black love? Is seeing a woman pick up her son and give him a kiss on the cheek…is that Black love? Or two good friends doing the Black man handshake-hug combo that I’ve seen so many other ethnicities f*ck up with tremendous aplomb.

Seriously, why is that sh*t so difficult. I’m not saying that we, The Blacks, are just more dexterous and athletic than everybody else, but we definitely have coordination on lock. You know what, we’re more athletic too. It takes a real athlete to do some of these handshakes we do. In high school, me and two of my best friends had a 15-step handshake. It was as ridiculous as it sounds. I promise.

Is that Black love? I mean the dedication and loyalty we exacted in order to efficiently bust out that handshake? We were committed to one another because who the hell else would we be able to do that? That’s got to be it right?

In truth, I think the entire concept of Black love is just that…a concept. Its those horrendously cliche ass pictures that you see being sold in mall kiosks with some naked, rippled Black man holding some naked nubian black woman with their bodies intertwined. While I’d never ever put that type of picture up in my house – my tastes are a bit more discerning than that – I get why they exist. Black love is the ideal of unity and togetherness. It’s this ideal of strength shared between two people attempting to reach a common goal…

…which would explain why we care so much about the idea since, community wise, we have some serious issues with each one of those principles. That explains why seeing Barack and Michelle is an example because they look like they represent all of those things as a unit.

Hell, they’re a unit. My guess is that other ethnicities don’t necessarily dwell on the ideal because they don’t have to. Clearly those goals exist in other communities and are the bedrock for a long-lasting relationship, but for some reason, I do think we place more of a premium on those things in the Black community likely because of our shared history. We may not be monolithic but that history of ours can’t stop and won’t stop. Then again they said that about Rocafella Records and you see how that turned out.

There’s something about Mary…but Blackness has certain complex simplicity about it. No Teedra. That’s why we throw Black in front of so many things. Black power, Black love, Black box…was a good group, Black music, Black black. I’m not completely sure what they all mean but they all mean something. And it’s something that nearly all Black folks, even those of us who spurn most things of the diaspora, can acknowledge and accept.

But I ask of you, folks who love to wax poetic and philosophical, what exactly is Black love? Is there a definition or perfect example or do you just know it when you see it? And if you’re white or other…what do you think? Let’s talk shop.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. BLACK aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

323 thoughts on “So What Exactly Is “Black Love”?”

  2. “In truth, I think the entire concept of Black love is just that…a concept. Its those horrendously cliche ass pictures that you see being sold in mall kiosks with some naked, rippled Black man holding some naked nubian black woman with their bodies intertwined.”
    .
    Those prints are the cheez whiz and moscato of the art world. My mom suggested that I paint those to make money. Bless her heart. Any who, the first image that comes to mind when I think of “black love” is James and Florida Evans. Cultural experiences that often get labeled as “Black” have a characteristic of joy in the midst of struggle and sadness, so I guess I think of black love in that way.

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    • Let me tell you, we all know or have family with those prints in their homes, but i hate them. I appreciate what they stand for, but never ever would one of those pieces of “art” be up in my home.

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      • the black art that looks like chicago jazz, zoot suit era is kinda nice. certain color blends. but it has to be done so that it isnt the centerpiece of a room but it evokes an atmosphere. but art is kinda visual. its just this look like you know youll never see another like it. i like my art one of a kind.

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  5. Being able to take a long hot shower while your significant other takes a sh*t, with the humidity and the stank mixing to form a hot, suffocating cloud of uber-stankness, if you can withstand this, be okay with it, and not let it taint you perception of that person, that’s Black Love. It has to be.

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  6. I’m white. To me Black love is something you know when you see it, but thats true of llove between anybody. I think you’re right in saying it is just a concept because the phrase evokes a shared bond– the way both parties identify themselves shapes the way they identify themselves as a couple. And the way they are perceived by other people.

    My question is would we view the Obamas any differently if specifically referred to himself as interracial? Would that make their relationship any less fascinating? I don’t think it would, but I’m just thinking out loud.

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    • Good point. Why couldn’t he be known a the first biracial POTUS? The mixed kids need something to look up too also. I think in this country it still goes back to the rules from slavery- one drop, your black! Smh

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      • But that’s because he (Barack Obama) chose to be known as black. On the last U.S. Census he marked himself solely “black” despite the fact that he could’ve checked multiple boxes in addition to black and/or wrote in his specific heritage. I remember watching a talk show discussing biracial people and how they classify themselves and the studio audience was unaminous that bi/multiracial people should classify themselves as such and one dissenter, a biracial girl, astutely pointed out how those who were adamant about bi/multiracial-ness were just as controlling as one-drop rule absolutists. My rule of thumb: I let people tell me who they are. I accept and respect Tiger Woods as a “Caublasian” as surely as I respect and accept Barack Obama as a black man. The idea that high profile bi/multiracial people’s specific makeup will be lost to history is silly. All children should do research on public figures they look up to. That’s how you find out that both Frederick Douglass and Bob Marley had white fathers. Halle Berry, Melissa Harris-Perry, and Misty Copeland have white mothers.

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        • That’s what I’m saying– he refers to himself as black because that’s what he feels fits him, but would it be different if he didn’t?

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          • I think that if he went out of his way to say he wasn’t Black but bi-racial, yes, it would affect how he was viewed. But I also doubt he’d be married to Michelle cuz I can’t see her going for that.

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        • Tiga didn’t want to associate too much with his “black” side, but we see “folks” have let him know, one drop, one mishap and you gets the full fledge “black” treatment.

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      • Eh, I do the same thing. If I were in the white house you better believe I’d be a Black president. Choosing to be biracial when folks have viewed me as Black my whole life would be attempting to be on some kumbaya all is well new society stuff and I dont buy that. If I’m Black to the cops, then I’m Black when I’m their boss.

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        • I’ve had a couple of white people ask me why Obama chose top be black in a way that seemed like they were offended. Struck me as odd since I’ve never heard themtry to lay claim to half of any other biracial person. A white guy actually had the nerve to write a book concluding it was a political decision since he was in Chicago. I don’t really get why some white folks have a problem with someone choosing to be black. We are after all a fabulous people. Why wouldn’t someone choose to be black, given the choice.

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          • i heard this too. it creeped me out. the ultimate statement of white privilege is cherry picking bi-racial people to reap the glory of someone else’s success.

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          • Well,I don’t even understand how the entire issue comes up since most people don’t know biracial people are biracial – let’s say the men anyway – unless you ask. Nobody knows I’m mixed til I tell them. Probably cuz I’m bald. But it’s been like that since I was young. When folks found out i hate a white mother peopel were surprised, but the only people who ever took issue with me not being “more bi-racial” in terms of my persona were a few mixed chicks and my mother. I did get into a full out argument with one mixed chick about why i claimed to be black even though i will tell you im mixed. It just rarely comes up for me.
            -
            It is curious that white folks would be upset that a mixed kid who they’d happily consider Black under any circumstances is cheating himself only when’s got status.

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            • While you have some typical West African facial features/structure… your skintone is too light to lay claim to 100% Black African roots.

              But American ‘blackness’ is much more than skin tone or linege. It is cultural. It is an ethnicity.

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              • right…i could easily just be lightskinned. obviously the majority of us Black americans have white in us somewhere, and not very far. But I mean that my mother was directly white. I know two women who are lighter than I am and both of their parents are Black. with little mixing in the near generations.

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            • It’s interesting you mentioned that your mother took issue with it. Was your mother black? Either way, was she upset that you choose to identify as black instead of mixed?

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              • His mom is white. It prolly hurt her feelings a lil, cuz, ya kno, she birthed him and all. I don’t kno her; I’m just speaking as a white mother of a mixed son myself.

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                • that’s exactly it. she felt i was too discriminatory and while i wasnt going out of my way to be Black, i definitely wasn’t making any attempts to white. that spurred SO many arguments about how i could be more white to appeas her.

                  turns out thats a difficult question.

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    • If Obama self-identified as biracial and corrected people when they referred to him as Black… a lot more people may have voted for Hillary. IJS. And yes, their relationship would be looked upon favorably, but not to the extent that it is now.

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  8. Black Love = Barack & Michelle Obama
    Pretend Black Love = Jay- z & Beyonce
    Ghetto Black Love = Chrissy & Jim Jones
    that’s all…..

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    • People of God, does Jim Jones shower? He looks like he smells like a can of expired tuna, smelly feet, and swine.

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      • That wasn’t a marriage, it was a business arrangement. You know it’s true…
        *Throws the Roc-A-Fella diamond in the sky*

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    • Why Jay and Bey gotta be pretending and not Michelle and POTUS? What more do we know about one relationship than we do the other to come to that conclusion?

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      • You’re late YeahSo, ppl expressed their uncertainty about them too yesterday. (Granted they were in the minority and got lightweight chastised for it)

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        • Well thanks for the update *eye roll*… I actually don’t think either is faking tho… both couples love each other in my eyes… I just want to know what she sees in one that she doesn’t the other… ugh call me late pssssh!

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  9. Hmmm…Black love….I feel like there is this perception that every other race and culture easily experiences love between their partners. When I think of Black love…I’m usually thinking of it when I see two people that are sharing some moment, some understanding between them that just lets you know that they are in it for the long haul. It could be a nickname that one calls the other. It could be some gesture, some phrase, or just silence. It is very difficult to explain, but you know it when you see it – or better yet, when you feel it. I think that we identify our love specifically as Black love, because there is always the understanding that a Black couple has very likely had to endure more adversity (for a number of possible reasons), than most other races and ethnicities on this earth. I know that’s a big generalization, and that is not to say that no one faces adversity besides Black folks, but it’s just different for us – in my humble opinion. I also don’t think that every Black couple automatically gets a “Black Love” card just because they are a Black couple. But there are those couples that have a certain je ne sais quoi that just exudes whatever our definition of Black love is.

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    • You and RWC hit the nail on the head. “Black love” entails 1) a struggle and 2) something that is almost out of reach. It’s almost mythical which shows how screwed up a black pwrson’s perception of love can be. The Obama’s are the height of black love bc we have seen their struggle and they have discussed how their relationship almost didn’t happen. They are that “myth” yet one that can also be true. It is out of reach but attainable at the same time.

      No discredit to Jay and B but I don’t put them in the same category as black love. They are just two black superstars who got married.

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