Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics

So, She’s With A White Guy, Huh?

***Hello, everyone. S. Nicole Brown is here again to bless the VSB pulpit. This time, though, I decided to add some, um, “notes” in red to her piece. Not certain if she’s going to appreciate that, but, well, it’s my blog and I can do what I want to***

“That’s your woman? That is NOT your woman. You know that ain’t your woman, man.”

The man was around 35, smooth brown face featuring a neatly lined goatee, cap to the back, Pepsi in his right hand resting on his denim shorts. Before inviting himself into our lives, he was just another black man at the park that day.

(This was her first mistake. Dude definitely sounds homeless. I mean, he’s chillin in some random park with a Pepsi and some demin shorts? In 2012? Come on, man! It’s her fault for entertaining homeless men.)

It took us a moment to realize he was indeed directing his doubting statements at us, and although he was correct in his assumption, I turned my head, eyes wide at his audacity. I could only give a bewildered laugh. The man walking next to me, around the same age as him, slightly spiky brown hair, affable blue eyes, and clad in a “Detroit Soul” t-shirt, turned towards the man, his face serious.

“No, this is my wife.” He wrapped his hand around mine casually, and we kept walking.

(Although the wife move was admittedly a smooth transition, technically your wife would also be your woman, and he should have known that homeless Black men don’t appreciate semantic tricks. He’s lucky he didn’t get spleen shanked.)

This response was met with hushed laughter from the men sitting with our new friend, along with his words trailing us: “I don’t see a ring. That ain’t your woman man.”

(See, I know that’s a lie. Aint no group of Black men in Detroit gonna know what a wedding ring even is, let alone know where to check for it. For all they know, a wedding ring is some shit you find at the bottom of a bowl of wedding soup. Why are you making shit up?)

I shook my head but laughed it off, still in awe.

This would prove to be only one of several instances in which a day at an outdoor summer festival with a friend turned into a social experiment for the writer in me. I noticed all the stares, the shoulder taps on friends sitting next to them, and the not-so-subtle pointing. I was amused and embarrassed by the random and startling honking by cars containing black men as they drove past us, their voices carrying things like “Whiiiiite boyyyy! Yeahhh white boy!” over the music blasting from their stereos.

(I’m not doubting that any of this happened. I’m also not a Black woman who has walked through a summer festival in Detroit with a White man. Still, I do find it hard to believe that this experience is the norm instead of the exception. I mean, I’ve seen Black women and White men together before in Black settings, and aside from random cats asking him to cosign on car loans, they were pretty much left alone. They even occasionally get props and nicknames. And yes, it still counts as a nickname if the nickname is just their first name with “White” added to the front of it.)

I was downright shocked and offended by the three black men who stopped us and plainly asked in so many words what I was doing here with him and why I wasn’t with someone of a brown hue, eyes connecting solely with mine, completely disregarding the white man next to me. I was too much of a “beautiful sista” as one man stated as we passed by his perch, to not be with a black man. I looked around, had to keep reminding myself that it was 2011. It was as if we’d walked into neighborhood full of Crips wearing bright red.

Slowly I realized that the general consensus of the men who’d expressed confusion for our assumed pairing was that I was too attractive to date a white man, as if there is only a certain type of black woman that can date outside her race. Even when I told a guy friend about my experience, his initial response was that “they only said something because you’re attractive. They wouldn’t have otherwise.” I don’t understand. I know more than a few black women who date white men. They’re all very pretty women. That couldn’t be it.

(As your pseudo blog mentor and a person who’s very adept at the ancient art of humble bragging, I just want to say that these last couple paragraphs brought a tear to my eye. Good job grasshopper.)

Eric, my friend, a man who is far more Elijah Wood than Eminem, and primarily dates black women, was baffled himself. “Lisa and I used to come down here all the time, and this has never happened. I guess you are so fly.” He joked about the title of my old blog, but I could tell he was genuinely confused as to why so many brothers felt the need to speak their opinion one way or the other about two people whose relationship had nothing to do with them at all.

(Full disclosure: I have seen Ms. S. Nicole Brown before, and she is an attractive woman. And, because she’s tall and has big hair, she can be rather striking. This being the case, I wonder if the attention she received was due to her being with a White guy or if it was just some brothas having a pissing contest because they didn’t feel like her friend was a worthy partner and thought they might be able to put a bug in her ear. I can imagine they would have acted the same way if she happened to be with a “lame” looking brotha, and I also don’t think it’s a leap to suggest that a Don Draper doppelganger wouldn’t have received the same attention.)

The day was interesting to say the least. From a redheaded little boy pointing out my blackness to his parents, to the unexpected running-into Eric’s ex (black) and her man (white) and the confrontation that followed between the two men (two very square white men fighting over two black women in a park full of people. You can imagine the looks), it was definitely a day of firsts for me.

(I’ve never seen two sober White men fight in public. I know that has nothing to do with the story, but I just wanted to put that out there.)

Frankly, I was shocked. As someone who has seen many, many articles and comments surrounding the supposed stigma of black men dating interracially, white women in particular, and reading complaint after complaint, opinion after opinion from those same men on how black women have an enormous problem with this, I can’t say I’ve ever heard of the issue conversely.

(I honestly think that women “against” interracial dating are more against the idea of it than the actual act. I also think that Wendy’s spicy chicken nuggets on a bun with some grape jelly is the best off menu fast-food sandwich you can buy. Whatever you do, though, just don’t try to order it after 9pm.)

I also can’t say I’ve ever witnessed a black woman blatantly confront a black man walking with his blonde-haired, blue-eyed companion, and impose her opinion of their coupledom on them, whether positive or negative. I’ve never seen a black woman say “oh you got you some soul alright” to them as they walked past, minding their own business.

(Of course she wouldn’t confront them in person. That’s what Twitter and blogs are for. Duh!)

I’ve never dated a white man seriously. I’ve gotten approached by my fair share, as the natural hair seems to be a magnet (lol but no, it really is), and had a few dates, but a relationship has just never happened. I love black men and I always will, but I can’t say I’d be opposed to dating outside of that if my feelings led me that way. I for one would not even be here if not for the lovely chocolate-vanilla pairing that was my father’s parents, and my family consists of quite a few mixtures of love, so interracial coupling is quite normal to me.

(This paragraph was sweet and shit. Also, it’s proof that we could never date. Although I’m not particularly racist, I do seem to be attracted to racist Black women. I don’t know exactly why — Maybe I want my kids to be racists? — but I’m beginning to suspect that “racist Black women” just equals “Black women.” Anyway, you’re a bit too post-racial and shit for me.)

If I decided to do so tomorrow though, I am now overwhelmingly aware of the fact that black men will not mind letting me (and my date) know how they feel about it.

(And, by “Black men” you mean “some homeless Black men at a pre-Calicoe concert cookout in Detroit,” right?)

S. Nicole Brown (aka “Muze”) is a writer of fiction, lover of words, and chronic reader happily living the clichéd under-spaced and overpriced life of a NYC writer. You can find her in 140 or less @muzeness or on her blog, Because I’m Write.

***Just wanted to take some time and thank everyone again for the well-wishes and prayers. Like I mentioned yesterday, she just needs all the positive energy she can get. Writing this and reading the responses has definitely helped me, and I hope it’s left me better equipped to help her.***

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • https://twitter.com/GirlGetALife V.E.G.

    I couldn’t even focus on how well written this was because of Champ’s foolish notes.

    But this:

    “I’ve never seen two sober White men fight in public.”

    is probably one of the truest things I have ever read.

    • Anastasia!!!

      Yeh, I def had to go back and read the story first, then the story with edits to get everything I needed ;-)

    • HaychJay

      “I’ve never seen two sober White men fight in public.”

      I found this funny because in some of the err, less picturesque areas of the UK this really isn’t a rarity. Or at least where I live anyway. Lol

      • Chaud

        Try the London Underground early in the morning – you definitely will see sober well-clad white man fighting! Central Line Bank Station to be exact – at least once a week!

        • Chaud

          *men*

        • HaychJay

          Lol yep sad but true.

    • chameleonic

      i didnt like reading this format but i like watching movies with people who point out their observations. i find it interesting.

      • Yonnie

        I read it straight thru w/ the black text and then went back and read Champ’s foolishness.

        • chameleonic

          i read it how he wrote it but i didnt get through all of it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I have. Then again, I went to high school with a bunch of country boys. Straight up Nebraska types.

      • Iceprincess2

        Oh lawd, I know exactly what you mean! St. Louis was the same way lol. #rednecks

    • sincereluv4life

      the notes had me in tears!!!!

  • mshomewardbound

    I’m a black woman that lives in Detroit and I have walked in public with a white male friend before and received a similar comment from a brother. I guess her experience echoes the same feelings some black women have when they see and attractive black male with a homely, white woman. The whole “why is he with her”. Although most black women just give dirty looks and maybe whisper their comments, while the black men will be more vocal and disrespectful towards the white male. It’s 2012, get the hell over it. I for one am glad more black women are dating outside their race. I’m sick of hearing about women fighting over the same dude because they think there are not that many dating options. Date who you like and forget what anyone else has to say about it.

    • https://twitter.com/GirlGetALife V.E.G.

      It’s the homely white woman thing that gets me. I do not care if I see a black man with an attractive white woman.
      But I do scrunch my face up when I see a reasonably attractive black man with a busted white chick. I can’t even understand that pairing.
      Rarely do you see cute black woman with a busted white man. If you do, we assume he’s paying some bills. :)

      • msdebbs

        I agree 1000% some bruthas will date thee fugliest white chicks on planet earth but I have yet to see a white man with a busted sista…

        • http://BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

          I have definitely seen White me with women who are on the outside of conventional beauty. They usually also have giant, natural hair…And I absolutely love it. Every time I see it I give that girl a huge smile like “you git someone who loves you fo’ the India.Arie that you izzz!!!”

          • msdebbs

            White men do love them some natural hair…idk what it is?

            • African Mami

              From my observation, it’s a particular kind of white man that hollers. It’s either the one into sustainable living, PETA saving, environmentally conscious, white collar. Or the gritty, street hippity hoppity loving kind. The former, thinks the afro is a sustainable living space of sorts, the latter, kinda has a fetish-always talking bout, the darker the berry the sweeter the juice. It very well could be, I meet very strange white men.

              • Sweet GA Brown

                I was told by a friend that dates white guys that the ones that are prematurely bald are always the ones down for the swirl. And every white guy I know that kicks it with black girls all have that receding hair line.

                • socialchronic

                  Wow now that you say that im going through every white guy i know that’s involved in a swirly type relationship and yes they all have receding hair. Young and old. wow.. lol Now im going to pay attention to that for the rest of my life

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    receding hairline = high testosterone = more confidence in approaching any woman he finds attractive

              • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

                Hipsters & wiggers….

              • Around the Way Girl

                Lol I don’t think there’s a particular type. My experiences have varied: skateboarder, cute nerd, tree hugger, musician. Sidenote: Is it just me or is it the more “black” they act the less I’m interested? I realize that for some it’s their real personality but it always just feels put on to me. That’s probably racist lol oops.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                I don’t get approached by the hip hop White guys or sustainable living ones. I get approached by the straight laced ones, the Midwestern men, the Californians, the Jewish, the agnostics, the intelligent, well-read, comic books & video game lovers, the sexually liberated, Democrats to Republicans to Libertarians, the involved parents, the men who want to marry and have a child, types.

        • Malik

          Because the race/power dynamics are drastically different. You’ll see fine a** Black women date the most white bread basic white dudes just like Black men for white women. White is held up in this society as the height of beauty even at its ugliest. If a white man is going to be “dating down” to a woman of color (excluding East Asian women which is a different conversation) she is going to have to badder than 97% of the white women that he regularly sees/has a chance with in his social circle. ESPECIALLY if that woman of color is a Black woman.

          • msdebbs

            +1000

            Every time I see a white man with a black women she is the baddest chick in the building.

            • Anastasia!!!

              You ain’t neva lied! One of my best friends just started dating an okay looking white guy – She is considered AT LEAST a nine on any man’s scale (And i only don’t give her a 10 because some guys don’t like brown women.) B*tch is bad, he is just aight.

            • Brother Mouzone

              Again…there-in lies the difference…The sista is someone that can get a brotha and doesn’t want one…the brotha just wants whoever wants HIM if he’s just average on the looks/swag scale, whether they be white, yellow, whatever.

              • Around the Way Girl

                See, you’re making an @ss out of u and me. Why would you assume that she doesn’t want a brotha just because she’s currently with a white guy?

                • Third Of August

                  The same way I assume that a woman that is (or has been) with another woman doesn’t want men….Different topic for another day, though.

                  • Around the Way Girl

                    Trying to fit people into neat little boxes is intellectual laziness, and I know y’all are better than that.

                    • Third Of August

                      That isn’t a box. It’s a fact. As a heterosexual Black man that likes Black women, I am looking for the equivalent in a Black woman.

                      I can’t really draw conclusions based on the race of a man a woman is dating, but I CERTAINLY can draw them from the GENDER of the person she prefers to date.

                    • Around the Way Girl

                      Actually no, you can’t. For some people, sexual orientation is very fluid. Some people have no orientation at all…they just fall in love with a person’s soul, regardless of the body it’s in.

                    • Third Of August

                      Regardless of their reason, I want a woman that can at least be decisive about something as important as her own sexuality. If she likes women, that’s cool. Just don’t expect me to ever consider dating her.

                • Brother Mouzone

                  Because most female 2520 lovers SAY that!

                  • Around the Way Girl

                    Oh.

                    *hands Brother Mouzone spliff*

                    Fcuk em.

          • Demondog 06 a.k.a niggamus prime

            real talk malik!
            black people are the most color struck people in this country. we have a color hierarchy even amongst our own.
            most of the time when i see a white dude black girl combo, the chick is bangin. but dude is the wigger type, really effeminate or super duper cornball.
            and black dudes aren’t any better. the girl is usually obese, or extra basic..it’s as if in the minds of negroes it doesn’t matter how they look, the fact that they are white is the come up.

            basically you have blacks that view other blacks as something less than..

            the negro has yet to realise that no matter how many white dudes/women you get involved in a relationship with you are not equals! white men have always had access to sistas, brothas have always been little more than a dark fantasy or an act of rebelling for white women.
            i’m not against race mixing, the heart wants what the heart wants, and you have no control over who you fall for. my beef is that oft times it’s not authenticate or organic and people become trophies or status symbols.

            • Demondog 06

              really?! every comment i make goes into moderation?! who did i piss off?

            • Brother Mouzone

              +1 trillion

            • Malik

              Co,sign

            • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

              Can’t it just be the personalities they possess are attractive? Are we really that racial and superficial? :(

            • misstlb

              THIS RIGHT HERE!! I could care less who u date just don’t dog all the black women or men if u choose to do it!

            • Safera

              Exactly!

          • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

            I seen that chit last night at a Kendrck Lamar concert. Ole girl would be considered fine on anybody’s scale, and her main squeeze was white. I wasn’t hatin. However she wasn’t natural tho. Ole boy was hip-hop too.

            All EYE wanna know is…

            yt boy, what you gon do wit all that @$$, hmm????

        • Todd

          Maybe not straight busted sisters, but I’ve seen some realregular sisters with White dudes. What’s more true is you don’t see White guys with light skinned chicks. NY Times columnist Paul Krugman is the ONLY White guy I’ve ever seen with a light skinned sister.

          • SweetSass

            Robin Thicke and Paula Patton.

            • kid video

              Thats one exception…who else?

              • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

                Jennifer Beals, Lisa Bonet, Nicole Richie

                • SweetSass

                  HalleBerry!

                  • Demondog 06 a.k.a niggamus prime

                    zoe salanda, gabriele beauvais, zoe kravitz, kerry washington, beverly johnson. watch the next essence awards show pay attention to the audience

                  • kid video

                    Hey…dont pile on…lol

                • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

                  Jennifer Beals, Lisa Bonet, and Nicole Ritchie are mixed, though.

                  • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

                    They all identify as Black women.

          • verver

            Me. My hair is natural too. And if you don’t include mixed girls in “light skinned chicks” who are you possibly talking about? EVERY SINGLE light skinned chick has white in her, whether both of her parents were slaves/from africa or not. I’m mixed (half black, half white) but whatever, I identify as black.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          that’s love.

        • Brother Mouzone

          When you see a brotha with an ugly white chick, it’s usually not a brotha that a lot of the good looking Black women want anyway…so why does it matter?

          • Lisa

            Why date an ugly non-black woman (/man) when you wouldn’t date an ugly black one?

            • Brother Mouzone

              Because chances are SHE hollered at HIM!!!

            • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

              Chances are the Black women might not want him.

              • Brother Mouzone

                Exactly!

      • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        I just remember that joke Chris Rock told, “yeah, you’ll f*ck a pretty white boy – Brad Pitt, Matthew McConnehey, George Clooney, but we’ll f*ck ANY white woman”

        • chameleonic

          chubby white women are sexy and im sorry, sometimes i look at a black man and i wanna watch him f*ck her. let me just watch you piledrive this sexy white thickumms. skinny white girls are irrelevent though cuz they all look like jumpoffs and replacements. my concept of beauty is based in the essence of womanhood so facial attractiveness hardly matters. i dont even think i notice it when i see a bm/ww but i think its understandable to make a juicy ww wifey. yum, let me see her.

          • Third Of August

            Say what, now?

            *confused*

            • Sweet GA Brown

              +1

              • Breezy

                + 33.33
                chameleonic, girl the past few weeks you have had my comprehension skills on a roller coaster ride. Say what nah?

                • chameleonic

                  lol, now that you say that…..

                  i always thought people were being intentionally rude making comments where they clearly didnt get anything i said. ive thought that since i was a kid but i guess it really is people trying to comprehend and me rephrasing in a helpful way.

                  • http://www.becauseimwrite.net Muze

                    um hi. is this hawaii from SBM? just wondering. your text voice sounds very familiar. lol

                    • chameleonic

                      SBM is like the rude, hurtful little brother who wouldnt take pointers thus upgrading itself to VSB status. and now that im here at least the blog in its foundation is good so if people could juuuuuust stretch their comprehension a little……

                    • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.com MizzCam

                      *squeals* I thought the exact same thing!

                    • chameleonic

                      LOL. *blurs you guys out* calling me out by my e-government name and isht……

                      [*pushes up sunglasses with attached nose and mustache*]

            • chameleonic

              im saying, facial attractiveness hardly matters to me because my concept of beauty is based in womanhood. in regards to black men with white women i find it visually appealing to see a plump one with a brother else i simply think of them as the lesser tier of womanhood: jumpoffs, bootycalls, boos, fwbs — if i even notice them at all.

              basically, plump white women look good with black men whereas as skinny ones look like some version of a ho and facial attractiveness tends to be less important to the quality of the woman. i see large women as beautiful i actually have to concentrate with great difficulty and effort to notice her facial attractiveness. i notice her quality.

              • Third Of August

                Still lost. Oh well.

                • chameleonic

                  this is gonna sound like an insult…..that is why i grew up thinking people are intentionally stupid thus have to resort to insulting me. that is a completely clarified and succinct statement but maybe itll sink in with a few life lessons; it usually takes a small period of time for people to grow into what im saying.

                  but at least you arent the type to be verbally abusive and instead just admitted ‘i dont get it’!

                  • JJ

                    I actually understood where you were going w that

          • http://stanoffewwords@wordpress.com Tristan

            *Jigga voice* Hol up

          • Todd

            The good people at Dogfart, makers of the Blacks on Blondes pr0n website, would love to hire you as a script consultant. :-)

            • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

              Hahahaha!

          • http://twitter.com/sylquesaid fixedwater

            BOL at alladis

            • sincereluv4life

              you ain’t the only one girl- I’m finding my self cracking up at the responses to Chameleonics mess & wanting to *hurl* all at the same time???? Where’s Liz when you need her?

      • iRox416

        Believe me, busted white chick is paying the bills….at least up here in Toronto they would be.

      • Brother Mouzone

        *Rarely do you see cute black woman with a busted white man. If you do, we assume he’s paying some bills.

        You’re kidding, right?

        • Brother Mouzone

          Some Black women just want white for white sake.

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            Honestly, I don’t know where you guys are coming from with this. I have never seen an all-around attractive black women with a busted white dude.

      • Britico Chick

        lmao…some of the things i read on here!

    • Adonis

      @mshomewardbound

      No lie. I am quickly to compliment a broad if she is with a white/asian dude faster than any other race.

      Speculate if you will.

      ;-)

      • Iceprincess2

        Bria Miles is wit a white dude. I bet he don’t even know what to DO wit all that azz! What a damn waste lol

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      Where i live (the hood), i see cats who you KNOW ain’t got nothin with a white girl in tow (rather, the lady’s towing THEM cuz they’re usually in the passenger seat. SMGDH). And i ain’t gon front, they look pretty ok. The only exception is if they’re chubby (don’t ask. i don’t know why), or if they built like a black woman. And here in the south, there are ALOT of those. I guess dude giving her something she ain’t getting somewhere else (the pipe?) I mean, sisters tote dudes around all the time who ain’t good for nothing but the wang. I guess white women can too.

      But i’m like, “Black dudes, how come y’all not scared of being lynched?” Don’t y’all know this is a republican state, and the back country AIN’T but 40 miles away?

      And i got a family member with a homely white woman wife. And she gave that ninja three great children, a house and no back talk so i guess he’s happy.

      No shots fired, by the way. Y’all know what time it is, so don’t front.

      • TW

        Small southern town and we got a whole lot of mixed race kids running around. Thing is most of ‘em are huge, mostly from ther mama’s side (white).

        Common knowledge down here that brothers and skinny rednecks are the only folks that’ll diddle the “big boned” country girls.

        Local fire chief (black) and I (white as your ceiling) coach pee wee football and we’ve got at least 1/4 of the league that’s mixed race kids. All of ‘em great kids and I’m thrilled that there doen’t seem to be a stigma attached to ‘em from either side. Mark my words, ten years from now SEC roosters are gonna be filled with mixed race kids.

        For those of y’all who don’t know, down here, football trumps everything, yes even race.

    • Dave

      Just because it’s 2012 doesn’t change the fact that American’s are generally racist. You expect American people to just change in a instant to accommodate your relationship, get over yourself. Anyway good luck dealing with all that the drama, you think only black people dislike blacks and whites dating, wait until you meet the red neck, metal head and confederate flag wearing side of American Whites. I’m guess since your from Detroit you never meet racist white people.

  • Malik

    I pray this comment section is bitter and the gates of Black blogger h*ll open up. I just wanna watch the world burn.

    • Manny

      Hahahaha

    • SweetSass

      ROFL!!! I just busted out laughing on the train… Hatechoo for this!!!

      • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

        God bless you. *you did sneeze right?*

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Sith King Jordan aka Bruce Lil’ Wayne

        *equips the Bat-mobile*

    • http://www.sepiasenses.tumblr.com Petitekayee

      Haha. Ol’ Joker lookin self

      • Breezy

        HE DOES LOOK LIKE THE JOKER….LOL!

        Love you Malik!!

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Are you trying to clown Malik?! Uhhhmmm…………. *takes off earrings*

        Don’t. Mess. With. Malik.

        Got it?

        • Kema

          *Stands behind W.C.*

          Yea! Dont mess with him

        • Breezy

          *takes mental stock of WC’s long list of talents – ( kick-boxer, ballz snatcher, clothesline dispatcher, roundhouse kick deliverer…*

          I am a lover not a fighter so I retract my previous statement.

          • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

            Breezy!!! Noooooooo I got you’re back. ….and it was funny BTW

            • Breezy

              Tentpole: If we can add more muscle to our team (i.e. Todd, Tx10 (because that COULD ACTUALLY be his Lightsaber size, no? just me? nevermind) and Yeahso) then maybe I will get in the ring with bik-riding, track running Kema and nunchuck-bearing WC. Until such time I will be strolling in Target looking for end caps with loads of clearance items to go HAM over.

              • YeahSo

                I got mus-skuls? Oh sh*t!… YES!!! What’s up?? Yeah!! WHO WANT SUMMA DIS!

        • b sweet

          That’s right!!!
          *throws cupcake at offender*

          • Ms. Bridget

            *catches cupcake* You can’t be wastin’ these!

    • Around the Way Girl

      Lol this is why I’m gonna pay attention today despite all the work I have to do…I’m ready to be entertained.

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      lol. i do kinda wanna see an argument jump off today.

      #teaminstigator

  • https://twitter.com/GirlGetALife V.E.G.

    Back in 2001, I briefly dated a very Aryan looking white dude. We went to an Italian restaurant and there were 3 brothas at the table next to us. They didn’t say anything but they looked at us – a lot. My date felt the ‘stares’ (his uncomfortableness made me question his ability to handle ish if anything ever popped off, but I digress).

    I wasn’t bothered by the stares…one of the brothas was FAHN – I was trying to figure out how to ditch white-y so I could slip him my number. :D

    • MJoy

      I love this story… A lot

      • Iceprincess2

        +1 that’s hilarious

        • YeahSo

          Second… that’s some sh*t I would do.

    • Around the Way Girl

      (his uncomfortableness made me question his ability to handle ish if anything ever popped off, but I digress).

      I feel you on this. It takes humungous balls to date a black woman if you’re not black…they are a necessity. You cannot be sexy without them.

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      You so wrong for this.

      but i ain’t judging. you ain’t on trial.

      e-shrug

  • http://BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

    “I was amused and embarrassed by the random and startling honking by cars containing black men as they drove past us, their voices carrying things like “Whiiiiite boyyyy! Yeahhh white boy!” over the music blasting from their stereos.”

    It is NOT the exception, and quite frankly it is terrifying. On more than one occasion cars full of black men (honestly, I NEVER see cars full of black men UNLESS I am with my friend-#MurphysLaw) have stopped to make their opinions known when I walked with my friend (a dead ringer for Mark Zuckerberg). It scared the crap out of me the first time it happened, as all I could think of was the possibility that my friend could get seriously injured just because he walked me to 7-11, and that it would be my fault. Conversely, I have a Black male friend that has sworn off “black” women completely and, aside from the occasional stare, nothing.

    • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

      I’m not sure I could be friends with someone who swore off a whole ethnic group, especially their own. There is some serious self-hatred going on, not to mention stupidity.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Yeah I had a girl try her hardest to hook me up with a black guy and I guees she described me to him and he basically told her that he doesnt date “full bred black females.” What type of mess is that? “Full bred”? WTF

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          Lol@’full bred’. That’s so backwards.

          • Breezy

            “Full bred”?

            Sounds like a d@mn dog. Sweet GA Brown: So what are you…a Maltese or a Pug :)

        • sincereluv4life

          ugh, I feel your pain girl. I dated a guy who told me (to my face) that he only dates light skinned women but he was making an exception to his rule with me.

          n***a say wha??????

          I think I was supposed to be flattered lol.

      • Todd

        I’ m with you. As a result, I wasn’t cool with a lot of brothers in thw swing world, b/c I wasn’t on the F Black chicks steez. Then again, my dating history looks like a Rainbow coalition , so I only have but so much room to talk.

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          Yeah but, there’s a difference between just dating IR and swearing off a whole ethnic group.

          • Iceprincess2

            Well Val, I can’t stand white dudes and I’ve been sworn off them forever ago. I don’t look at it as self hate, just a simple preference. Once I went black, I literally never went back lol! I’m not physically attracted to white men. I love black men’s rich, smoothskin, his hair with a fresh line up & waves, his almond shaped eyes. White men just don’t do anything for me at all, I’m sorry. All they could do is give me some money rotflmfao.

            • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

              @IP

              I think when you are from the majority population, where stereotypes aren’t as much of an issue, a different dynamic may apply.

      • Brother Mouzone

        You said a mouthful, Val..

        • Brother Mouzone

          That was meant for Val’s other comment.

      • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

        Val don’t even get mad. Cuz as many guys i know that only date women with certain characteristics (light skinned, long hair, mixed) i know just as many who only date women on the other end of spectrum (natural hair, “conscious”).

        To each his own.

  • Malik

    Before any possibly chaos in the comment section I’ll just share my thoughts on interracial relationships in general: It’s that we (Black people) have a horrible tendency of applying anything our Black partners have done wrong as something that is applicable and must be held against all the past, current, and future Black partners. All wrongs are something seen as symptomatic problems that are inherent when dating Black people. Whereas anything positive from a non-Black partner gets tallied as an example of all the wondrous and beautiful virtues that comes with interracial dating. Even when the non-Black partners are terrible, that only applies to those specific people and under those specific circumstances. They get to be treated and viewed as individuals.

    Additionally, being that I’m a multiracial I pretty much see any relationship that I’m in as fundamentally interracial. So yeah.

    • Malik

      Free me please. ;(

      • http://BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

        Actually what annoys me3 is that no one realizes that everyone does this (especially once they reach the states from their home country)- they’re just not as vocal about it “outside” of their own “people”. Seriously. Ask a Puerto Rican woman if she dates Puerto Rican men. Ask a Dominican woman. A Jamaican woman. A South Asian (if she can get away with it). The grass always looks greener to everyone, we’re just the only people who devote blog posts and talk show episodes with pseudo-life coaches to it.

        • https://twitter.com/GirlGetALife V.E.G.

          Church!

        • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

          *shakes tamborine*

        • http://taterwithak.blogspot.com K. Marie

          Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell…..*fanning with MLK/local funeral home fan*

        • Around the Way Girl

          Black Americans are very image conscious and hyper sensitive to rejection, whether real or perceived. I guess if you consider our history, the psychology of it makes sense. But we really limit ourselves with all that stress and how it makes us behave.

          I’m drawn to a person’s energy. Looks are pretty much meaningless to me (not completely, you do have to be somewhat in shape lol). This is why I date and befriend all kinds of different people. I think it makes for a richer life, more varied experiences. Openness. I wish the world had more of it.

        • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

          I think we got some Jamaican and Puerto Rican commenters and lurkers that can answer these questions in here.

          *looks around*

          Don’t be shy.

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          Thank you Maris. I was just about to say that to Malik. It’s not just Black folks. I’m Dominican. I find Dominican men to be attractive yet I’ve kind of sworn them off (not completely, but I’m reaching that point). I’m also Puerto Rican. I’ve sworn them off too. My good friend is Palestinian. She’s sworn off Palestinian men. We’re just not that vocal about it.

    • Brother Mouzone

      Malik, that might be the most wise, profound, clearly stated comment of today’s blog. All other comments should bow down to this one and acknowledge it’s greatness…

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      Allow me to play devil’s advocate

      Well Malik, if they are LEGITMATE and PROVEN reasons i feel like they’re ok. They’re not affecting anyone but themselves in their limitations or preferences. If i like girls with ass, but the caveat is that the chick can’t ever find jeans that fit so i gotta see her panty line all the time, i can’t get mad. I can just choose to not date girls with ass. It’s up to me. What i have a problem with is people complaining when they chose to keep dating the same type of person and expect a different result (that’s called insanity). Holla at somebody else!!!!

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        I agree. I hate the men who complain about women of their race yet date women outside of their race who possess the same characteristics and qualities they criticize in their own women. Maybe it’s not them. Maybe YOU are the problem.

  • African Mami

    Date whomever you like. Your preference should be respected and let alone to live,breathe, and enjoy! Which is always not the case. If your preferences don’t infringe on my rights and breathing pattern, why should I be bothered?

    As for me and my house, we, I mean, I, like my coffee,served straight up black and bitter, no additives [sugar, milk, syrup etc]. We don’t discriminate, but black is so damn beautiful, alluring, hypnotizing, comforting, relatable, godiva,yummy, and GHATDAMN! [LANCE GROSS!!!!! ] the list could go on, that all others are ignored.

    Champ your notes were hella distracting and funny!

    • Iceprincess2

      +1000000 I couldn’t have said it better myself!

    • sincereluv4life

      well said!!!!!

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      Touche, homie

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      I’m with la Mami Africana!

  • Shay

    Normally I am a lurker but this post hits close to home..The city I live in is about 3% Black so I believe in “tasting the rainbow”…With one Ex in particular, we got a lot of negative comments and stares…He made it his issue in life to irritate the hell out of anyone who had a problem… Extra PDA, booty smacking, give them something to talk about….We were young…kanye shrug…..

    • Brother Mouzone

      A few weeks ago I made a comment on how WM/BF combos are the most demonstrative in public and was told that it only seemed that way because more people are looking….there’s your proof…

  • MJoy

    Black women that even walk down the street with a white man are a total disgrace to the race. Black men ain’t ish but we must never abandon them. It is our duty to remain loyal.

    I’m totally kidding. Interracial dating is… Dating. Sure there will be issues but there are always issues. No biggie in my book. It’s just late and I’m bored and can’t sleep. Hey y’all.

    • naturalista88

      I can’t sleep either, too hopped up off of the candy my cousins racked up *lol*.

    • Third Of August

      Hello MJoy!

      • MJoy

        Heeeeeeeey! Its ur turn in words with friends!!!

        • Third Of August

          Correction: Your turn. =)

          • MJoy

            For reeeeeeeeeaaaaal???? That was not cool.

            • Aly

              So I see you’ve moved on to another victim. Got tired of kicking my ass huh lol?

              • Breezy

                Hmph! I would like to play but I can’t spell.

                • Iceprincess2

                  Lmao me neither, but yall are already well aware if that I’m sure ;-)

                  • YeahSo

                    It’s OF that I’m sure.

                    heehee

              • MJoy

                Aly Hush! Let’s play!

              • Third Of August

                For the record, I am NOT a victim in these WWF streets. lol

                • Aly

                  Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean it like that *hugs*

                  • MJoy

                    Yeah, he’s pretty good. smh.

        • Kema

          Anyone for scramble with friends? :-)

          • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

            Is that some kind of double entendre?

            • Kema

              lol! Its another game. Anyone wanna play I’m kemaVA

          • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

            only if you wear that dress in the avi

        • b sweet

          Hey mjoy! Always looking for new players. Request a game with me bb24aka

          • MJoy

            on it!

          • Aly

            Ooh, me too! If anyone wants to play I’m Aly_P (I’m not terrible, MJoy just happens to be really, really good :))

  • Third Of August

    I’ve never seen a Black woman confront a Brotha for actually being with a White woman, either. But I was once “warned” by a now ex-friend that I “better not come back with a Korean woman” a few years back when I found out that I was going to be stationed in Korea.

    Mind you, at that time, she had known me for almost seven years. Also keep in mind that I have NEVER dated or even been attracted to a woman that wasn’t Black. And I also am from Detroit and went to Howard. (Thanks for that Detroit shade, Champ. LOL)

    • Brother Mouzone

      Wsup Home boy…..Westside, McNichols Ave.

      • Third Of August

        East Side….All up and down 7 Mile. Also spent time on the West Side as well.