Sneilta.

I used to hate Sade.  And forgive the fact that I don’t know where in Sam Hill the accented “e” is.  Just pretend its there.

So once again, I used to hate Sade.  Something about her voice used to drive me batsh*t.  And when I say hate, I mean I wanted to stab squirrels when I heard her voice.  In fact, I remember being surprised when I first heard “King of Sorrow” and found myself not convulsing.

Since women that read seem to like Sade, it was a difficult time for me.  Mostly because if I thought your taste in music sucked, well, you had to go.

I produce music these days – mostly of the hip-hop variety but lately I’ve been delving into progressive rock and jazz fusion type stuff.  I’m a big fan of sampling and do it a lot myself.

What this means is that I’ve started listening to music much differently than I used to.  Not only that, but I started listening to all kinds of crap.  If you come into my humble abode on the right day, you just may catch yourself listening to the Yonder Mountain String Band.  And no, I’m not joking.

Let’s just say, I’ve learned to appreciate things I couldn’t appreciate before.  And one of those things is Sade.  Let me tell you, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.  Sade is a hip-hop producer’s dream.  She has so much good music I don’t even know where to start.  Heck, if I were to ever come across Sade in real life, I’d apologize to her for not fully appreciating her music in the first place.

I’ve evolved.  Imagine that.

So what does this have to do with the price of rims in Compton?  Nothing really.  But what it does relate to is the fact that in our personal desires and relationships, we should all grow a little, gain a little perspective, if you will.

For instance, videos made me think that the best possible scenario was to get a woman with the body dimensions of Esther Baxter or Buffie the Body.  However, perspective (and experience) teaches me that “fat ti^^ies turn to tear drops and fat a$$ turns to flab…”

All women go through their bad boy, thugged out, FauxPac phase, but a woman with perspective might realize that it’s not in her best interest to date a man who isn’t afraid of jail.  In fact, if he’s not afraid of jail, you may just have TWO problems on your hand.  Shucks, somebody might be calling him gorgeous on the side, and he might be happy about it, if you catch my drift.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Hell, at one point in my life I thought that every man should experiment with 8 women, an unassembled bookcase from IKEA, and three lightbulbs.

Come to find out, quantity really isn’t better.

On second thought, maybe I saw that in some pr0n.

The gist here is that perspective is a helluva drug.  Pr0n stars may look hot, but in truth, they’re probably sizzling in more than one way and that’s just not a good look.  It’s the kind of thing that makes you realize that the girl next door is really all you’ve needed, even though she may drive you half crazy, or make you feel like you’re on a merry go ‘round.  That’s okay though because Wu-Tang is for the kids.

And so is Panama.  Now, I don’t judge people by their music…solely.  I’m a music snob but I’ve learned I to get along just fine with people who think Soulja Boy adds something to the canon of musical history.

So.

Being that most of us are pretty grown here, what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions?  Hell, do you make better decisions than you did before?   And this isn’t like what would you tell your younger self…nope…this is yourself that went through life without all that knowledge.

And Sade might be great, but she ain’t no Phyllis Hyman.

Word.Life.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

p.s. anybody watching the new 90210?  Opinions?  It seems way more kiddie than the first one to me…I’m entertained but I feel like an old a** man watching a kids show.  mayhaps i AM an old a** man watching a kids show.

597 thoughts on “Sneilta.

  1. “Since women that read seem to like Sade, it was a difficult time for me. Mostly because if I thought your taste in music sucked, well, you had to go.”

    thats funny…thats a common thread among the smart men i know. my one buddy told me that its more about what you like than what you ARE like.

  2. SADE IS THAT SHYT.. your love is king? Phyllis was good but dayum I mean you really didnt see that shyt coming? Nobody was on watch for her?
    On to the topic at hand.. as an adult I have a healthy respect for peace of mind. Yes fiery make up to break up, break your windows and back breaking s.e.x has its time and place but that rollercoaster is for the young. I really enjoy day to day life minus the drama. I use to feel like I had to always be in the mix, in the now up on all the hot new ish…etc etc.. now I am like f!ck that new ish. I also realized that I am a smart mutherfugger and I dont have to prove it. I can listen to what I want, watch what I want and be as hood as I want and not have to worry about how I come across because guess what? Everything I do is what a smart mutherfugger would do….wanna get your lesson and get smart in school..get away from the in crowd….gettta close to god….

    • Yeah, she was screaming for help…. Remember they used to say Sade’s music was suicide music too, but I really really didn’t see it, oh but that dang-on “King of Sorrow” makes me burst into tears….

      • It definitely has its time and place, you’re not busting out the Sade to get the party started…lol

      • you know, i’ve always felt that Radiohead was Suicide music. Everytime I listen to Kid A, great album that it is, I just start questioning life.

        But man, Phyllis just had that voice…she’s one of two people (with the other being Donny Hathaway) whose voice ever made me shed a tear.

        • Sad, because they were both in such immense pain that resulted in their suicides.
          You can definitely feel it in their music.
          So sad.

          • I loved Radiohead back in HS. That beat/music was amazing, his voice was chilling, perfect depression jam.

        • But man, Phyllis just had that voice…she’s one of two people (with the other being Donny Hathaway) whose voice ever made me shed a tear.

          I just posted something similar..its an amazing ability to channel that much emotion into something..its also got to be draining to always put so much of yourself into something you are putting out in the world knowing it will be criticized

        • Phyllis, Donnie, and add to that Sam Cooke. If they are in constant rotation on the ipod, you know I’m in a melancholy mood.

          I’ve always loved Sade, “Love is Stronger than Pride” and “Kiss of Life” are my favs

        • ooh…Donny Hathaway makes me cry (inside) everytime. in college i used to turn on the blue light and pull out the boones farm everytime i played one of his albums. and if my roommate heard me playing it she’d say “what’s wrong?!” (ok, so i made the boones farm part up, but you catch my drift)

  3. I always thought that Sade was talented, but I can only listen to her music when I’m in a certain mood so I don’t listen to it much…..

    I make much better decisions when it comes to relationships. I know what to look for in a guy and don’t waste my time like I did when I was younger. I was definitely attracted to the bad boys in my younger days. I used to break up with the nice ones left and right because they bored me. Now, it’s switched. I’m really attracted to smart men, I find them very sexy. I like men with confidence and know how to carry themselves. It’s funny looking back on the guys who broke my heart when I was younger. I would never give them the time of day now.

    • i think im some kind of freak of nature cuz i was never a girl that was into bad boys at all…i always loved smart guys

      maybe my bad boy phase is still yet to come?

      • I dont know but I have always been torn between thugs and intellectuals…but when you find one that has both..a thugellectual if you will…you will never be the same.. I mean you can discuss books, world affairs, politics etc and this ninja got your back when it pops off? I meane he can wear a suit well and rock some gerbauds with the right amount of sag and some timbs? F!ck wit ya girl ..hmmm I think I am about to wake my husband up……

          • maybe this can be a non-BAC sitchyashun! I am working on becoming more regular…especially since the added benefit is that regular head = happy ninja doing all the shyt around the house that I have been asking him to do for years…LMAO

            • “regular head = happy ninja doing all the shyt around the house that I have been asking him to do for years”

              It is my belief that if we as women stayed on our knees and perpetually gave head,we’d rule the world. Men would be powerless…would do all our bidding, good and bad.

              • “It is my belief that if we as women stayed on our knees and perpetually gave head,we’d rule the world.”

                Perpetually giving head?? We’d be some lockjaw-having and ashy-kneed rulers! Ruling with one word on a dry erase board and a knee bandaid at a time.

              • Um…sweetie…if you practice often enough you can do it for long lengths of time with no jaw tightening.

                And put a pillow on a floor.

              • men didn’t get to rule the world eating the vajayjay all the d*mn time, so i’m not sure if this would work….

                plus i hate giving without getting.

                and i co-sign with luvvie, ashy ass knees and a white encrusted mouth are not the biz.

              • Ummm DAMNAT!! There is such a thing as giving TOO much head. Practice won’t keep ur jaw from creaking. Whatcha gon do? Greeze it up??

                Sorry. on this one, I’ll sit it out. Staying on my knees to “rule the world” ain’t power cuz I’m working HELLA hard. lol

              • ummmm I am not quite to the point where I am ready to co sign on perpetual head giving….ruling the world or not..I mean would you really be ruling the world or is that some type of sick conundrum…..

              • i actually had a discussion on another blog about how women should pull a modern day Lysistrata to even out the playing ground with men

              • Being on the knees keep the neck from hurting b/c having to hold urself up while in a horizontal tangle will lead to a neck crook. They need props to make it all more convenient. Like a neck holder thingimajiggy or a knee proctector. Well… I guess knee pads will be ok.

              • @ miss patterson – co-sign! i like sitting on an armchair with a drink on a side table to keep my throat from getting dry…

              • im definitely a fan of sitting while he stands….i AM doin all the work, the least i deserve is to be comfortable!

                although when the knees buckle i might have to dive out the way

              • “Like a neck holder thingimajiggy or a knee protector. ”
                @Luvvie, ya know you should pitch this idea to Doc Johnson…lol. can i get a piece of the profit? cuz i got student loans out the a$$! [LOOK MA! NO HANDS!]
                or you could always just lay on your back, a little pron-esque, but it works. [ok, i'm going to close my computer now, this whole thread is just wrong]

              • “you could always just lay on your back, a little pron-esque, but it works”

                Oh nooo!! What if he gets too excited and thrusts it in my throat? Death by d*ck asphyxiation is NOT a good look!

              • “What if he gets too excited and thrusts it in my throat? Death by d*ck asphyxiation is NOT a good look!”

                Luvvie: you have to go for it with gusto. Deep throat is popular for a reason. lol.
                You ain’t a kitten and it ain’t a bowl of milk: you ain’t supposed to lap at it.

                sit, stand, kneel, lie…find a position you are comfortable in and tear it up.

              • ““What if he gets too excited and thrusts it in my throat? Death by d*ck asphyxiation is NOT a good look!””

                LOL

                pen!s power can kill you!!!! but pu##y power will set you free.

              • Veggie teaches:

                “It is my belief that if we as women stayed on our knees and perpetually gave head,we’d rule the world. Men would be powerless…would do all our bidding, good and bad.”

                veggie u conspire to uslurp mens power. this is dastardly manipulative, premeditative, maniacal with malicious intent.

                many powerful men throughout history have fallen prey.

                watching u….

              • ok really! u vampires are taking all the fun out of responding. The movement died before it got off the ground.

                I agree with the saintly miss p~you aint got to be on your knees all the damn time. There are ways around the ashy knee look and I agree that too much brain or brain on demand is not a good thing u got to keep him wanting more without keeping him wanting. Its a fine balance

      • Yeah, I’ve never been into bad boys other…minus the lil relationship I was in when the ex was shot 9 times…and survived. Other than that one incident, I’ve always been with squares.

          • Yeah. I like the sexy dorky boy. My first and only thug boyfriend was my H.S. prom date. Gave that dude 5 yrs of my life. 4.5 years too many. II faked transcripts so he could follow me to college. He flunked out the first semester.

          • Touche! I used to hate the nerdy boys in high school. I now have an appreciation for men with big brains versus big muscles.

            Also, “Is It A Crime” and “Never As Good As The First Time” are my faves. I keep The Best of Sade in my car for those crazy hellish workdays when I need to de-stress on the commute home.

          • He was Curtis Jackson, before Curtis Jackson was Curtis Jackson.

            In other words, he’s who inspired 50 Cent. Or at least thats what he likes to think.

        • i feel like ive missed out on valuable living! i also lament never having had a drug phase either….i may save that til im real old. i dont think theres a better time to get hopped up on goofballs!

  4. I also am learning way better money management skills. The first of which is that money management is not refusing to check your mailbox and voicemail because you are behind on bills and spending the bill money on a brand new outfit and shoes for the club..as far as men go I have also learned that it is way better for me to calm down when I am upset and step away from it and then come back to it. This tends to prevent name calling, throwing shyt and the words “ya mama” from being uttered. I also understand truly what unselfishness is and how important it is to a relationship and sacrifice and compromise should not always be the responsibility of one party. I also understand now that a relationship is as much about what you will not ask the other person to do as it is about how much you are willing to do. Meaning I should never ask you to compromise your morals and beliefs for my sake and vice versa…

    • Shayd has an epiphany:

      “I also understand now that a relationship is as much about what you will not ask the other person to do as it is about how much you are willing to do.”

      …that’s what it is. experience teaches this best. selfish motivations run rampant in relationships and at the beginning of the night we wouldn’t be there if not for selfish reasons. gotta figga where to draw ur lines and to be considerate.

      good 1.

  5. back on topic though….i never liked sade when i was younger…but as i grew up i started to really really like her voice. i find it soothing.

    um…perspectives? i dunno…i cant think of anything that i once valued that i no longer value (or vice versa), i’ll have to think on that one for a bit…

  6. There are too many women naming their children something that equals “The position has already been filled”

    • There are too many women naming their children something that equals “The position has already been filled”

      I know I shouldnt but…..what r u talking about?

      • …the children blessed with names like Jennifer, Joyce, and James will get jobs faster than equally qualified children blessed with names like Ja’cquanetisha. It isn’t fair, but then, neither is paying taxes, depending on whom you ask.

        • …the children blessed with names like Jennifer, Joyce, and James will get jobs faster than equally qualified children blessed with names like Ja’cquanetisha. It isn’t fair, but then, neither is paying taxes, depending on whom you ask.

          I figured this, I guess I was aksing how this pertained to the topic.. and for the record I have one of those names, and a huge afro and I am one of the youngest members of management in my company, I also have been promoted 8 times in the last 6 years so sometimes its not just the name…its the attached resume thats falling short… I’m just saying.

          • i feel you…i think my name counts as such and in a few months they gon hafta call me doctah!

            however, knowing some recruiters and HR folk has really opened my eyes…i mean, once youre in you have to earn your keep. but the reality is, the name is at the top of the resume. and most times, if the name is “too ethnic” they dont look past it…credentials be damned

            • that’s all i’m saying. and on the flip side, my name and my phone voice always results in the double-take -and-stutter when i finally show up in the office…i always look them dead in the eye and say “yes, i know. i sound so much taller on the phone”. the responses have been priceless.

              • hahahah! nice! yeah, folks have definintely been confused after talking to me on the phone and seeing the big black chick with the fro show up….lol

            • however, knowing some recruiters and HR folk has really opened my eyes…
              This is true I know a lot of HR folks that instead of using the position to give people a fair shake they use all kinds of bull ish reasons not to hire them.. but honestly being a person that interviews and hires I have had way more people looked over for using Microsoft word resume wizard than because they had an ethnic sounding name. In fact I have never actually heard or witnessed this but someone looked over because they used a sentence involving “via the use of” yes….

              • my resume is the hotness! betta ask somebody!
                LMAO maybe you should ask somebody? I mean our HR director straight clowned the microsoft word resume wizard joints.. called them juvenile and described them as a “my first” resume format. Fine for entry level jobs but anything else..at first I thought he was just being crazy but alot of people use criteria like this.. so again it could be the name or it could be that the resume submitted didnt do anything to combat the stereotype associated with the name. I believe the name thing was true in the past just like in the past natural hair was unacceptable but in the new millenium they using some new ish to seperate the masses.

              • lol…luckily i have asked somebody (several sombodies!) and the consensus is that it looks nice and is functional and gets the job done.

              • lol…luckily i have asked somebody (several sombodies!) and the consensus is that it looks nice and is functional and gets the job done.

                Okay…. I am sure your joint is the bomb, sugar pie honey bunch, after all they will soon be calling you Doctor..mr(s) MD……!!!!!

            • oh dear. with my african a$$ first and last names, i should probably just catch the next boat home, start selling water on the roadside or something…

              • you know, the clearly foreign names have a better shot than the overtly “ghetto” type names. they will assume youre smart if youre African….for a time i used my first initial and my African middle name and it always sparked conversation…

              • It depends on the company and location too. In a big city, it would be different than a small city. Bigger cities are more used to diversity. I was living in China last year and a lot of them use Western names like Jennifer and Vickie to make them more accepted with western culture.

              • “I was living in China last year and a lot of them use Western names like Jennifer and Vickie to make them more accepted with western culture.”

                This bothers me all around. Why can’t we take the time to get errybody’s name right. “Whats in a name????”Thats the sweetest sound to someone’s ears, their own name.

  7. Yeah in this world of crappy music, subpar voices and mediocre performers, I appreciate a voice like Sade’s. Listening to her is like listening to a cool ocean breeze while sipping lemonade and watching packing men in boxer briefs.

    Long story short: It’s a relaxing experience.

  8. Ahh Phyllis Hyman, I heart you Panama… but anyhoo, I have learned to stop putting people in boxes, for example not dating someone because they didn’t fit this predetermined checklist (type) I had as far as appearance, occupation, etc….. I have learned now that a nice person is a nice person and apparently judging from the choices I made in the past that I need to not have a type, bc the sh*t I was doing before aint working one little bit… I may have missed out on some winners…

    • have learned now that a nice person is a nice person and apparently judging from the choices I made in the past that I need to not have a type, bc the sh*t I was doing before aint working one little bit… I may have missed out on some winners…
      I gotta co sign… If i would have stuck to my dating “rules” I would have missed out on my husband most women can define their dream man physically and materially but fail to define character, personality and how this man will treat them. Come off them “types” and just look for a real man that takes care of business, shows personal responsibilty and knows how to treat a woman.

    • “I have learned to stop putting people in boxes, for example not dating someone because they didn’t fit this predetermined checklist”

      This is good.
      One of my close guy friends finally got married last year after he got rid of his ridiculously long checklist.

    • I concur! I met a guy last year who was completely opposite of my type and I wouldn’t give him a chance at first, but it turned out that we had a lot in common and really hit off. He seemed like the party-type kind of thuggish type but he turned out to be a really smart guy, has the most positive outlook on life, very spiritual, runs a mentoring program for young boys, and really liked me for myself. It changed how I looked at men and learned to be less judgemental.

  9. I think Sade and Phyliss can’t really be compared really. They both were/are really contemplative great vocalists. But Phyliss just sang with more pain. Most of her songs to me were about unrequited tragic love. And I think thats how her real life played out too, she sounded always defeated to me even when I was kid listening to her. “Old Friend” live has her ballin on stage.

    Sade has some sad songs also but they seemed alot more hopeful. Even “Maureen” about a friend who dies, seems inspired and upbeat. Less like I wanna kill myself.

    vocally they sound TOTALLY different.

    ill answer the other question later on in the morning

    • I agree 100% w/The Comeback Girl’s assessment here. I remember being a young teen discovering Phyllis Hyman’s music and it scared me and I didn’t understand why. But Sade felt good, even in her sadness. “Maureen” was my jam.

      • “I remember being a young teen discovering Phyllis Hyman’s music and it scared me ”

        VEG writes you can only listen to Hyman in 30 minute intervals. I agree. Its still great music. After P’s post I went to youtube to listen to “Living all alone” and I had to give myself a dam#n pep talk right after. Her music is muy affecting.

    • you know, when i wrote that down, i figured somebody would say this. and it is apples and oranges in terms of their vocal stylings i agree.

      for me, and i suppose i should have said this, as a personal taste, sade just aint on phyllis hyman levels.

      i’m the kind of person who appreciates a little pain in their voice…painful voices or just beautiful voices – david ruffin, sam cooke, marvin, teddy p, donny, phyllis, amel larrieux (don’t sleep), pre-rehab mary (mary on coke was the bestest)…

      • pre-rehab mary (mary on coke was the bestest)…
        I have this conversation with my friends all the time…the pain was in her voice.. she is not a traditional vocalist and when she was cracked out she was enduring so much bull shyt that you could tell her music was all she had left.. same with Natalie Cole…never the same after they became shiny happy people.. not saying that they should go back to using crack….just saying.. hell nevermind…

      • amel larrieux is beautiful and has an excellent voice, i mean phonomenal. i got a theory for her azz to groove to.

        bet it up…

        • amel larrieux is beautiful and has an excellent voice, i mean phonomenal. i got a theory for her azz to groove to.

          -yes she just has a beautiful voice.. point blank period

      • ” pre-rehab mary (mary on coke was the bestest)…”

        LOL..

        I like pain too. But I like my pain triumphant. He left you, he prolly aint coming back and if he does come back… it won’t be for long. Hyman sings “old friend is so nice to feel you hold me again, and it doesn’t matter where you have been.”

        YES IT DOES PHYLISS it totally matters where his @zz has been. I knew this when I was 7.

        dust your @zz off and get on with the business of being happy and shyt.

        • “YES IT DOES PHYLISS it totally matters where his @zz has been. I knew this when I was 7.”

          Girl…this cracked me up. You were quite the astute 7 yr old.

      • “marvin”

        He will always be my guy!!!! He was singing with raw emotion. No matter, what the song was.

      • “david ruffin, sam cooke, marvin, teddy p, donny, phyllis, amel larrieux (don’t sleep), pre-rehab mary (mary on coke was the bestest)…”

        Everyone you listed is on my all time fav list, save for Mary.

  10. okay, i thought of something!

    ive come to the realization that i need to truly embrace selfishness…i havent fully done so yet, but im working on it. by that i mean, i generally will put other people’s feelings ahead of mine a good amount of the time. but those days are soon coming to an end. and this is in the realm of relationships and dating and such….its a hard habit to break though. really hard.

    things like, worrying more about whether or not he liked me than about whether or not i liked him. or going along with stuff that i KNOW aint gonna end well so that i dont hurt feelings. things of that nature. but im trying to embrace the “im gonna get mine” attitude a little more…cuz if i dont get mine, aint nobody gettin it for me!

    • yes, ditto on the selfish tip. i too have learned in the past few years to ‘do me’ (sounds like a self-help book affirmation) instead of being johnny on the spot for every undeserving ninja who cracked a smile.

        • i am…part of being a deserving ninja is reciprocity, so i dont think i have a problem with that…unless theres some angle im not seeing. i know shayD loves a trick question!

          • i know shayD loves a trick question!
            Why you say that? LOL no I was just wondering. You cant settle for being treated as less than or forcefully having your needs become second place but once you have found that guy you have to be willing to be unselfish and put someone else thoughts and feelings before yours. A lot of us are either to selfish or to unselfish and never quite recognize that 50-50 most often refers to this dynamic when talking about relationships..IMHO

      • yeah, im starting to take my own advice…cuz i spend all day telling people that they need to take care of themselves and make sure their needs are met otherwise they will be useless to the folks that they are trying so hard to be there for….

      • “are you willing to be Johnny on the spot for a deserving ninja?”
        yes, i am willing. i think shatani put it best: it’s about reciprocity. i have no problem making myself available (emotionally, physically, mentally) to a person who is willing to make themselves available to me in the same way. plus, i’m a giver by nature, so this is not an area that i’ve ever been able to completely shut off. however, i will continue to be more judicious about it until the right person comes along.

    • i actually think more people need to concern themselves with their own affairs more.

      sad but truism – people rarely do things that aren’t in their own self-interest.

      I have a whole spiel on this, but i’ll save it for another time.

  11. First off, I have always loved Sade: PJ I’m glad you finally got on the bandwagon. Phyllis, though, speaks to me. Though her ish does make you wanna jump out the window and should only be listened to in 30-40 minute intervals, it is gutta and real and raw.

    Now…lessons learned:

    I have learned to say no to a proposal. Just cuz a dude bought a ring and got on one knee does not make you obligated to say ‘yes’. You save him and yourself lots of embarrassment by saying ‘no’ upfront.

    I’ve learned that if you ain’t clicking spiritually, mentally AND physically then you ain’t really clicking and to call it a day.

    I’ve learned to not drag out relationships for two,three years just cuz he’s good on paper.

        • ive developed a really bad habit of settling. REALLY bad…but i came to the realization that i need to actually stick to my standards cuz all this being disappointed by someone that shouldnta had me in the first place is gettin played out.

          • You are way too young to be settlin (if you define settlin as someone who has no goals, no hobbies, no real personality, kicks puppies). Hell, even my maw maw ain’t settlin for the ol’ dude who works part time at Winn Dixie and doubles her bags without her asking for it. (at least he has a job).

            This life is too short to be layin up with somebody you wished was dead.

            • lol…i did have a dude tell me that he likes to torture cats and couldnt see why that was a problem for me. *blank stare*

              but yeah, in the past ive been so caught up in “he likes me!” that i forgot to check if i liked him…then when i did check i realized the answer was: meh, not really. but still he liked me, and no one else is liking me…maybe this is the best its gonna get for me.

              at this point, id rather just be alone to be honest….sometimes i think i should just start collecting my cats and preparing for lonely spinsterhood

              • Truer words have never been spoken, should not be bending over backwards (literally and figuratively) for a ninja that everyday you say things such as “that mf ain’t sh*t” or that you wish “would go play in traffic”, it is counterintuitive. word.

            • V dot u ever thought about who owns and why that store was named WIN(N) DIXIE when it was started.

              hmmmmm. lemmeknow if u ever find out.

              happy hog maw shopping.

              heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooooo!

    • “..AND physically”

      girl, this is so important I agree along with the other two attributes (of course). for so long i thought it was noble of me to overlook unequally yoked libidos in a relationship or that it was shallow of me to want that physical connection. now?…uh no. it ain’t noble and it ain’t shallow.

    • this 30-40 minute interval is strange to me…

      hell, i’ve had “be careful (how you treat my love)” on repeat for 8 hours before…i LOVE that song…and her voice is like a gift from a tea party with a unicorn, big foot, the abominable snowman, and michael jackson’s childhood.

      and i’m with you on not dragging out relationships…that is the WORST thing to do ever…

    • Those three lessons are the major ones I have learned as well.

      And also that, no chemistry means there is no chemistry. It won’t get better (Cf. dragging a relationship for longer than necessary because he’s good on paper)

  12. I also think that I’ve learned that my pride is gonna be what ruins me.

    And to just listen. Just cuz I don’t feel like talkin doesn’t mean I shouldn’t let him talk when he wants to.

    And I’ve learned that if a man spends 2 hrs discussing his feelings with you you should take them seriously.

  13. I know this is going to sound like a crock of sh1t, but I have always had a really great perspective on things. Maybe it’s because I had to grow up pretty quickly and experienced a lot of things at a young age.
    Well, I can think of one way my perspective has changed and it’s in regards to myself. I woke up one day and decided to stop being embarrassed. Now it hasn’t held up 100%, I’d say more like 88%. It DID, however, change my life and allowed me to just live without being bogged down by too many expectations, limitations and judgments from others. That’s what self-actualized adults do… they do THEM instead of listening to what everyone else has to say. Letting go of embarrassment was a very big step. Before, I spent a lot of time second-guessing myself, using the next (wo)man’s yardstick to measure myself. Wack.

    90210, the new jawn, is lame as hell. This is coming from someone who once wore pajamas with Dylan and Brandon on the front (no lie). the show is no longer HOT and FRESH, what with Gossip Girl, The O.C., and The Hills around.

      • Just decide.
        SOmething happens and think, “why do I even care what so and so thinks about it?” “who am I trying to impress here?” “do any of these people matter to my life/career/happiness?” “if I am going to be made to feel some kind of way, is this really a situation/are these people I want to be in/around?”

        Just decide. It’s liberating. Think: “I don’t give a fluck.”

    • Well, I can think of one way my perspective has changed and it’s in regards to myself. I woke up one day and decided to stop being embarrassed. Now it hasn’t held up 100%, I’d say more like 88%. It DID, however, change my life and allowed me to just live without being bogged down by too many expectations, limitations and judgments from others. That’s what self-actualized adults do… they do THEM instead of listening to what everyone else has to say. Letting go of embarrassment was a very big step. Before, I spent a lot of time second-guessing myself, using the next (wo)man’s yardstick to measure myself. Wack.

      Co sign.. however I had to let go of embarrasment at a very early age….I was dayum near blind for years before anyone recognized it.. so I spent my childhood falling off of stages, missing the t-ball/wiffle ball, getting hit in the face with various balls..tennis, kick, dodge (this might explain my aversion to giving head… its the balls son!)…LMAO by the time I got to jr high I had gotten in way to many fights due to people pointing me out saying shyt like “aint that the girl that bust her a$$ so and so or fell on her face at such and such”

    • Radd u can be my shield bearer and i’ll dub thee esquire.

      just f*cking witya. …but why esquire?

      titles of nobility and honor huh?

    • “I woke up one day and decided to stop being embarrassed. Now it hasn’t held up 100%, I’d say more like 88%. It DID, however, change my life and allowed me to just live without being bogged down by too many expectations, limitations and judgments from others. That’s what self-actualized adults do”

      word.boogie.

      many of mi compadres have often wondered how i manage to live my life the way i do without much regard for how other people interpret my actions. and its not that i don’t respect other folks opinions, its just that i’m generally not going to allow your insecurities and mistakes to determine my happiness.

      i smile a lot.

  14. Aaahhh…Sade’. Since I can’t put the accent mark over it either, I’ll use the apostrophe as a fill in…good enuff.

    I used to have a tape of Sade’, EnVogue, Karyn White, Chante’Moore, and pre-crack Whitney Houston that sung me to sleep via my headphones (I’m not sure if they even had the term ‘Walkman’ back then).

    Anyway,in regards to the question, “what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions?” 

    I’d have to say that although it isn’t always favorable, I’ve learned a LOT from dealing with women older than me. We all know how the dynamic of “women are more mature than men”, (my agreement with this is pending) but being taught a little bit of game and insight from an older woman (who’s not related) has NEVER hurt a dude. NEVER.

    • “On 90210: I refuse to dishonor the legacies of Brenda loves Dylan and Kelly loves Dylan by watching the new show.”

      I sooo agree!! I laugh in the face of the remake, and ignore it as best as I can. No one can replace Brian Austin Green (first white boy I had a crush on) and the Ian Ziering (a bit close to Albino but still slightly cute).

      Besides, Shannon Whatsherface invented “teenage angst and b*tchiness*. I REFUSE, I say! *slams fist on table dramatically*

      • I cannot believe you had a crush on David Green! And Steve was soo not cute. He was showing signs of male patterned baldness in the first season.

        Now Dylan…he was hot. And Brandon. I so wanted a white boy with long side burns. I grew out of that quickly, though, once I saw a pink penis.

    • i tried watching last week’s and this week’s episodes (yeah, i know) and the ish was garbage. the new kids can’t act, and their angst (omg! she totally just copied my essay and read it out loud in class! that’s so unfair!) makes me want to smack someone. and it hurts seeing tristan wilds go from baby gangsta to playing token black of the hills via kansas.

      • yeah, it’s a bit of difficult watching this new one. it is entertaining but it just seems hella kiddie. perhaps b/c i was young as hell when the first one came on does it seem so juvenile now and it seemed grown at the time…

        …then again, the fact that all of their teenagers on the first incarnation were actually damn near 30 probably helped.

        hell Kelly now has freakin’ wrinkles.

    • im with you on that one, v-dot! i was always a brenda fan and thought she got a bad wrap! or is it rap? well, whatever, she got a bad one…kelly was the real b*tch!

      and my very first gynecologist was named Andrea Zuckerman! it was sooo weird! lol

    • i haven’t watched the show yet, but i gotta peek at it for a second…i mean Tristan Wilds is on there! and d@mnit if he ain’t fine! um…did anyone watch the Wire and not lick their lips a few times during seasons 4 and 5??? (though i gotta wonder if he got made fun of by his former cast mates for signing this 90210 contract) and before I get any lip, he is legal.

      • “i haven’t watched the show yet, but i gotta peek at it for a second…i mean Tristan Wilds is on there! and d@mnit if he ain’t fine! um…did anyone watch the Wire and not lick their lips a few times during seasons 4 and 5??? (though i gotta wonder if he got made fun of by his former cast mates for signing this 90210 contract) and before I get any lip, he is legal.”

        “Tristan Wilds … hawt danged. I wanna have his babies.”

        so, when did vsb.com become a cougar breeding zone?

      • (though i gotta wonder if he got made fun of by his former cast mates for signing this 90210 contract)

        shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, you think they DON’T want that contract?? hell, none of them except Naymond is really doing anything else and he ain’t doing much…

        at least killa mike is in our living rooms.

  15. hmmmm,ok P–cool post..lets see…music…lets say is a huge part of the chemistry for me in a relationship…I listen to music more than I watch TV-I can go days in a row– no dumb box…just melodies…Sade, P..well she is most womens staple for those times when a drink just won’t do…

    @what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions?

    – trust that little voice…
    –never answer “that question” when he asks you, just smile instead-make HIM wonder
    –everyone is not honest about their feelings- – (I was/am emotionally honest to fast & expected the same- most of the time it was game )
    –just cause you love him- doesn’t mean he’ll love you back BUT its ok…
    –timing is EVERYTHING, pace yourself.
    –a good lover does not equal got mate..
    – mama and daddy are ALWAYS right about him..and him too- LISTEN

      • ..only YOU know that one sweets…but its the one, that may change his opinion of you..thus you loose ground…in the beginning you are in control…by answering that question you take away what or who you can become at the moment with that person…men esp..are simple..your answer can change everything..
        I learned this the hard way…

        • ah, i see….the one that comes charging to mind is “so how many men have you been with?” lmao! men know they like to ask that question and dont never like or trust the answer they get.

        • only YOU know what is…the one, that may change his opinion of you..thus you loose ground…in the beginning you are in control…by answering that question you take away what or who you can become at the moment with that person…men esp..are simple..your answer can change everything..
          I learned this the hard way…

          I have learned to avoid men that ask these “questions” as there is never a right answer its always a set up and these men (IMHO) are always looking for a way to disconnect especially since most often these “questions” involve how many partners or is it true that you f*cked fill in the blank..in my experience

          • true- true..or it could be they just want to know. no motive …I’d rather a brotha ask then assume- I am pretty open person- which in turn makes the other person feel comfortable to open up as well..BUT as I have grown – I’ve learned to taper that ish…in other words some folks can’t handle my whole mocha fudge coco delicious truth ( shout out to all my dark skin sistas) before the get the entire picture of me -the mirky ish can thro’ brotha-in which case I dont want him anyway…case point…hold yo’ mule…dont give to much..

            • woop woop! dark skinted girl in the place!

              and yes, i find myself a bit too much of an open book when it comes to information, but i still manage to be a mystery to people. people know about me, but dont necessarily know me…

              • heeeyydark skinted girl …Iol
                but ..on the cool- as women –we give up the ghost to fast ! not just the panties..but our emotions and our past- I mean – what has that brotha done on date 3 to earn a kiss and 3 of your most horrbile relationship blunders ? Dating is about collecting data…once it’s been submitted…A judgement is instantly made…likeIsaid…keep it gangsta …smile and sip yo’ drink

              • what that brotha done on date 3 to earn a kiss and 3 of most horrbile relationship blunders ? A judgement is instantly made…likeIsaid…
                keep it gangsta …save some for later
                EXACTLY
                Um TI Said it best..dont be a groupie keep it movin homie you dont know me!
                and also you might not have so much trouble with the “questions” pertaining to your sexual past if you stop dropping it off to every ninja that looked deep into your eyes.. I’m just saying.. save some for later goes for the physical and the mental…

              • Co-sign.You may meet a dude you have to immediately physically express yoself with.But this should not be every dude. It should not be 50% or even 30% of them.

                It goes to that top 1% (I am proud to say that those few who were lucky to get the first date panties all ended up turning into significant relationships). It’s key to learn the difference between a real connection – and to know if you should take a chance on it – and game.

    • – trust that little voice…
      This is a good one because trusting yourself and your judgement is definitely a trait that has to be nurtured. I know its kind of corny but I have always felt that your conscience is GOD speaking to you….

  16. i love sade (there is no need for an accent, btw, same way that the ‘s’ is pronounced as ‘sh’, she is not named after the freak-a-leek french marquis) – smooth operator is one of my all time favourite songs, plus she’s half nigerian so s’all love….

    i’m still very young, but one thing which in particular has hit me hard in the past couple of weeks is that i take myself a lot less seriously now than i did a few years ago. i’ve stopped thinking that every experience, awkward conversation, look or text message has to mean something that will have some huge bearing on my life that i will look back on forever and wonder what could have been. i went through a stage with a guy who i thought i was in love with, and our relationship got so complicated and messed up to the point where i realised that – you know what? i’m only 20. i don’t need all of this drama or to be pining away like heathcliff or whatnot over this ni99a. i should just live like i have nothing to regret. which, i realise now, i don’t. and now i’m a happy puff – or happy puffing (i’m putting the bl*nt down now…) plus when you’re stress free, you attract stress free people, in particular hawt men :)

    • puffy why don’t u pass and quit nicca lipping the blunt.

      “i should just live like i have nothing to regret. which, i realise now, i don’t. and now i’m a happy puff – or happy puffing.”

      …a clip from the book “Mein Kampf”

      awakenings from the dank

      a pensive account that chronicles the phantasmic musings of a young woman as she meanders across a dreamy scape.

      …whoooooo!

      • …a clip from the book “Mein Kampf”

        f*** you, and pass my blunt back, i’m not done yet.

        i kid, it’s all love and whatnot.

    • “plus when you’re stress free, you attract stress free people,”

      i firmly believe this. good energy begets good energy. thats why i try to keep the negative energy away from me at all times.

  17. MY FAVORITE SADE SONG:

    “It’s Only Love That Gets You Through”

    Girl you are rich even with nothing
    And you know tenderness comes from pain
    It’s amazing how you love
    And love is kind and love can give
    And get no gain

    It’s down a rugged road you’ve come
    Though you had every reason
    You didn’t come undone
    Somehow you made it to the other side
    You didn’t suffer in vain

    You forgive those who have trespassed against you
    And you know tenderness comes from pain
    It’s amazing how you love
    And love is kind and love can give
    And love needs no gain

    It’s down a rugged road you’ve come
    Though you had every reason
    You didn’t come undone
    Somehow you made it to the other side
    You didn’t suffer in vain

    You didn’t suffer in vain
    You know it’s only love
    That gets you through
    Only love, it’s only love
    It’s only love that gets you through

    —-
    makes me cry. i love it. it speaks to me. thank you and goodnight.

  18. WHOA. wait one gosh darn minute. This was scary cause I was JUST talking to a friend about Sade! Then I come here…get out of my head.

    Sade is amazing, and we forgive you for sleepin on her since u know Solja boy is the worst.

    As for lessons…sigh. The longer you wait the higher the chance of settling…which leads to re-evalating standards…which leads to NO..which leads to Sade….sobbing*

    Let me stop, finding a balance between trusting instinct but not being your own biggest blocker.

    • Actually,

      each time i settled i had no one to look at but myself for putting me in that situation. so now i choose to look at it this way: the longer you wait, and the more dodged bullets you are mature enough to “just say no” to, the greater gift Creator has waiting for you. seriously!

    • . The longer you wait the higher the chance of settling…which leads to re-evalating standards…

      My question is why do so many women feel that re-evaluating your standards=settling? As you grow older and your tastes evolve its only natural that your definition of the perfect man should change…or better yet you begin to understand that the idea of a “perfect” man is in itself a juvenile fantasy?

      • “As you grow older and your tastes evolve its only natural that your definition of the perfect man should change…or better yet you begin to understand that the idea of a “perfect” man is in itself a juvenile fantasy?”

        Dang Shayd. Thats deeper than Supahead’s throat or Lil Kim’s Virginia or Paris Hilton’s stash of valtrex or Ne-Yo’s lipgloss drawer… JUST DEEP!

        • “Thats deeper than Supahead’s throat or Lil Kim’s Virginia or Paris Hilton’s stash of valtrex or Ne-Yo’s lipgloss drawer”

          It is too late for you to be this stoopid.lol.

          • i would be more troubled if she was this stoopid in the middle of the day! lmao

            but im definitely feelin you, shayD…im going backwards though. the longer i wait, the less willing ai am becoming to settle….whereas before i was Captain Settle

            • but im definitely feelin you, shayD…im going backwards though. the longer i wait, the less willing ai am becoming to settle….whereas before i was Captain Settle

              again its the definition of settling. Most women see settling as dealing with a dude thats does not meet their physical and material requirements, however thats not what I mean when I refer to settling. Settling refers to being with someone who does not make you happy, who does not treat you with respect, who does not provide you with mental and physical pleasure. It dosent mean dating a dude you like that treats you right, can take care of himself and lays it down in the bedroom but is missing the quarter million dollar house, six figure salary and benz in the drive.

              • my idea of settling is someone that im lukewarm about, that doesnt excite me in any way and is merely there as a place holder because i dont want to be alone. im done with that Lars and the Real Girl stuff….

  19. How has Miss Patterson evolved? Hmmm…let me count the ways. First off when I was younger (and by younger I mean 6 months ago) I really had a fondness for men who were emotionally unavailable. I blame it on a lot of things, but mostly having no good sense. Secondly, for a long time I struggled with my seemingly innocent and young looks. It used to piss me off that I looked like I was 15 when I was 23. I hated looking young for my age, but now getting carded at 33 isn’t so bad. The innocent thing still irks me -I attempted to “claim it” with my myspace moniker but it still pisses me off a little that ninjas take one look at me and think I was born yesterday and have no life experience or that I have the libido of a Disney character. I’m working on this but for now I guess it’s not so bad being viewed as a lady and sh*t. And lastly, life has taught me to reevaluate my definitions of physical perfection and beauty. I realized today at lunch-after my daily practice of voodoo envy towards Esther Baxter’s body- that maybe my idea of beauty is a bit close-minded and skewed. And that perhaps this is the area where I need to evolve the most. After all beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Say yes, damnit!

    • @ a fondness for men who were emotionally unavailable….
      I dont have a fondess-but they just LOOOVE me….go away…buzzz-buzzzz…
      we are the same age Miss P..so maybe there is a sick weird a$$ magnet for EU men for babes our age..

      • “maybe there is a sick weird a$$ magnet for EU men for babes our age”

        I’m 33 too and I think male craziness rachets up in this age group.

              • “so, what youre saying is, find a husband STAT! lmao”

                :) Naw. lol. But you learn to quickly disperse of negroes, hopefully, as you age.

              • one of my good male friends keeps telling me about that….he says, the best thing you can learn to do in a relationship is leave! people dont leave when they should and it makes for messy situations, the more comfortable you get with leaving, the better off you’ll be. leaving is the first step in not settling…

                i will be the first to admit, i have a HARD time with that. i have this weird idea that this is it for me…once i let this go (crappy as it may be) that’ll be the end. which is stupid. fish in the sea and all…

        • ..girl chile ….it’s a fonky mess out here – but I love it..its work..but its like they all take the same dumb a$$ class… all the same it keeps me on my toes..thats another one:
          – stop giving people too much credit..
          If its white, round and stinks..its fulla ish !

    • Patt tries to put sh*t in perspective:

      “…that maybe my idea of beauty is a bit close-minded and skewed. And that perhaps this is the area where I need to evolve the most. After all beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Say yes, damnit!”

      cum here luv. [puts both hands on ur face and gently guides your eyes up towards mine] allow me to provide u with the panoramic view. [removes ur glasses, squeezes ur azz] it’s gonna be o.k. just relax and embrace the writhe. lips twist roll and bite.

      heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!

      • *Walks in the room and sits on the couch*

        Yeah son I’m just gonna watch this 1999 regular season NFL game on ESPN Classic. No really it will be over in like 3 hours its cool.

        *Puts feet on table*

  20. “what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions?”

    Haven’t we answered this from the Champ’s post about letters to our younger selves?

  21. I’ve always liked Sade’s music.

    I’ve learned so many things. One being that life is too short. I know it sounds like a cliche but it’s true. Some things we stress over really isn’t really that important if you look at the bigger picture.

  22. I haven’t changed much. I’m still crazy as hell.

    What attracts me to a man has changed slightly though. Niceness/Kindness is a seirous turn on for me. And no, i dont mean just being nice to me. Thats just expected. But if a guy does things like offers to carry some old lady’s bag or doesn’t mind moving the bookcase for his aunt, or will round up all of his neices and nephews for a day at the zoo…that kinda stuff makes me moister than a wet nap at KFC.

    • “Niceness/Kindness is a seirous turn on for me. And no, i dont mean just being nice to me. Thats just expected. But if a guy does things like offers to carry some old lady’s bag or doesn’t mind moving the bookcase for his aunt, or will round up all of his neices and nephews for a day at the zoo…that kinda stuff makes me moister than a wet nap at KFC.”

      But is chilvary dead? or just asleep at the wheel?
      Some guys just dont have a clue!!!

      And yes a kind man will melt my heart also.

        • …@ Pimpin aint dead yet, these hoes aint scared yet, remember I said that- MJG…

          u my homie like for real now…I love me some 8ball- grille and all…” run a gold comb thru my curls…” what !

          ( ok I need to go to bed )

          • u know Shayd and t-lee i love ball and g too but i miss Tela (dem roper boyz) …and i wonder why them or their music was not a part of Hustle and Flow?

            just thinking.

            • know Shayd and t-lee i love ball and g too but i miss Tela (dem roper boyz) …and i wonder why them or their music was not a part of Hustle and Flow?

              just thinking.

              First Hustle and flow was bullshyt and so was the music attached. I hang my head in shame.. I remember how I loved Jason’s lyric and all my Texan friends HATED it.. I know feel their pain….however Tela really fell off after sho nuff.. but this last joint with Pimpin is my pedigree was Okay..hopefully he will bounce back..I also think Tela fell out with some key people on the M-town music scene and its hard to comeback down here after that

              • ” I remember how I loved Jason’s lyric and all my Texan friends HATED it.. I know feel their pain”

                Yes Jason’s Lyric was hot ish on a shingle. That’s up there with Love Jones for me. Tee-hee!
                From the outfits to the accents, horrible representation of my state. My BFF (born and raised in Houston) gets straight heated when you mention this movie…lmao

      • that kinda stuff makes me moister than a wet nap at KFC.”
        Them joints are EXTRA moist arent they? LMAO

        my homie like for real now…I love me some 8ball- grille and all…”

        Yes.. I love ball and G with a passion….

    • “that kinda stuff makes me moister than a wet nap at KFC.”

      this is the best metaphor for that EVER! i’m still chuckling. i’m gonna start saying this…don’t worry i’ll give you writer’s credit, suga.

  23. Hmm this is an intriguing question. I think the biggest change for me has been my newly found ability to like those who liked me. For the longest, I was instantly turned off by a female if she openly admitted some sort of feelings for me (altho to my credit, at the time these were avg looking chicks). They couldn’t get the time of day from me b/c I was too busy chasing after the “hot ones” who hardly registered my existence. Once I got the hot ones, I realized how often they became regular girls, just like the avg looking “early adopters”…only the hot ones took longer to see the magic.

    -www.mrswagger.com

    • @ I was instantly turned off by a female if she openly admitted some sort of feelings for me

      ..see… ladies…told you –too much too soon..
      he took the class too…wow…must be given while in the womb…

      • I believe there is some tattered manual, handed down from father to son, passed around in school yards and locker rooms, that men read from. It is from this manual that they pick up the foolish practices that confuse/frustrate us ladies.

        • it’s true. i was talking to this one brotha i just met and i swear he’s read everything that P and Champ ever wrote on this blog. it was scary as hell. (they must have secret clubhouse meetings y’all) and he’s never even heard of vsb either, but being the clever PR person that i am, he knows about it now. btw, where’s my bloody omelet??!!!

      • I think you missed the part about them being average looking. See it doesn’t mean if you’re average looking and act unavailable that we’ll chase you. This guy just has an aversion of average looking chicks.

        • “I think you missed the part about them being average looking. See it doesn’t mean if you’re average looking and act unavailable that we’ll chase you. This guy just has an aversion of average looking chicks.”

          lol…thats called “selective comprehension”, i think

  24. Jazz. I still hate saxophone jazz though (long story).

    Um…art. I use to find it pointless to go to art museums, now I can’t get enough of them. I also now appreciate old school movies (like Audrey Hepburn, Dorothy Dandridge time, not of the 80′s…).

      • …and by the way Kenny G is not jazz it’s r&b instrumentals at the most. i like koz better at least he will still try to make something original 1nce in a blue moon.

      • Yes, I’m referring to Kenny G type…

        ..and also the type where the sax isn’t obtrusive. I used to play bass clarinet in the band and after 5 years, I absolutely hated everything about saxes because they used to be in my ear (and the players were obnoxious).

        Conditioned response. Sorry. Now pianos I love…nothing like smooth piano jazz.

        Kenny G is the instrumental version of Michael Bolton…elevatorish, unimaginative, corny, and just plain mediocre.

  25. I am not really into Sade. I’ll give her her props but in all actually she kinda irritates me and i dont know why. Now phyllis hyman on the other hand is my girl and always has been.

    i remember being in high school (a senior to be exact) and making commits like “i am never getting married, for what to get divorced” during conversations of life after highschool. I look back and that was a very immature closed minded statement that i no longer believe in. I am actually looking forward to meeting my husband, sharing my life with someone, and all that white picket fence ish. So i guess i have evolved.

    • “I am actually looking forward to meeting my husband, sharing my life with someone, and all that white picket fence ish. So i guess i have evolved.”

      what do you think brought on the change?

      • i can say just growing up. I am a child of divorce. My parents finally got divorce when i was like 9. But their relationship was over way before that. They basically cohabited in the same house but different rooms.

        I was bitter, i loved my mom but i was kinda mad at her for breaking up our family. I saw their failed relationship as how my relationships would be. Thus tarnishing my views on marriage. Being a kid you dont understand the dynamics of adult relationships. As I became older i could see that my mom outgrew him. She did what she had to do.

        So as an adult, I can say that I want and like intimacy and companionship. I believe in love and that there is someone out there who is the ying to my yang.

  26. You must look within for value, but must look beyond for perspective.
    Denis Waitley

    Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.
    Frank Herbert

    When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.
    Benjamin Franklin

    intact – Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots.

    “sweetback” is the band P but u know that. think they have 1 album but their worx are also what made Sade. very avant-garde. i love abstract and improv jazz. ssswhy Premiere was my favorite hip-hop producer till justin came along.

    anyways Mingus, Monk, Parker, Trane, Beau Berry and Cleave Eaton are just a few of my jazz faves. would make for some challenging and compelling samples homey.

    as for Sades’ big forheaded azz, i’ve always loved her persona disposition and look even. those words she sang were piercing. nice lil lady lump, proportionate. no tee-taas though. her contributions to her musics sound is uncomparable, singular and unique. even the mood it sets cant be matched melovesit. i know Corrine Bailey Rae is SUPPOSED to be and ode to Sade but nope, NOT! her delivery style and cadence is a lil similar though.

    well anyway Panama asks:

    “what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions? Hell, do you make better decisions than you did before? ”

    it’s a million things i said i wouldn’t change like NOT buying bottled water. i make some better decisions now with perspective and the wisdom i’ve gained but still struggle with others. the real value is not in what u know (info) or say but what u do. working on it.

    Life’s Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late.
    Benjamin Franklin

    • oh and i still say:

      f*ck Michael Franks talking wannabe singing azz.

      one of the worst singing voices and deliveries ever compared with his success in the genre.

      eat a di*k Michael franks.

      • “f*ck Michael Franks talking wannabe singing azz.

        one of the worst singing voices and deliveries ever compared with his success in the genre. eat a di*k Michael franks.”

        that was SOO random AND WRONG…i have a popsicle toe and an eggplant that I’d like to throw at you. I love MF!!!!

        • Comeback i can listen to MF but he’s just trying to do his best Al Jarreau impersonation but without the voice. i just don’t get the success. maybe i’m jealous.

          …and u better watch who u throwing that popsicle toe at before it broke off something.

          heh, heh, heh….

          • “the lady wants to know” how the he@ll you comparing MF to AJ. Are you listening to music in a deep dark cave, they sound NOTHING alike.

            yeah I think hateration might be the disease cause weren’t you tryna compare ryan leslie video to Andre 3000, kanye and them.

            • Comeback asks:

              “how the he@ll you comparing MF to AJ. Are you listening to music in a deep dark cave, they sound NOTHING alike.”

              EXACTLY the lady should already know. their VOICES sound nothing alike. concur. …but the style of writing and the words of their songs arre similar to me. (stylewise)

              Cumsback with:

              “weren’t you tryna compare ryan leslie video to Andre 3000, kanye and them.

              A: no. i was contrasting them.

              sometimes it feel like u wanna hug me till i choke and in a weird way i wonder if ur hate to love me turns me on or out.

              bites u. say ouch.

            • oh but i do suspect that Farnsie stole his video style from what he probably saw Ryan do with “Diamond Girl” that was about the only comparison i made. the rest between Ryan and Farnsie does not compare, compute nor relate.

              go figga…

            • Cumback imagine the words from Michael Franks ongs being sung by Al Jarreau and vice-versa. (except MF can’t sing) therein lies the comparison. (the stories their words tell and the quirky way they sometimes go abot it. …except MF can’t sing.

              did i say MF can’t sing. yeah he can’t sing. no singing talent whatsoever. none. nope not even a lil bit. not in studio, not on stage. i’m wondering who would go to his concerts anyway. i bet he doesn’t even tour. for what? why?

              • is work release over yet??? I don’t think you have to love every artist for the same reason. If im not mistaken MF was a highschool teacher with no real vocal/musical training. There’s a purity in certain forms that come from “today I wanna sing”. I appreciate that.

    • ““sweetback” is the band P but u know that. think they have 1 album but their worx are also what made Sade. very avant-garde. i love abstract and improv jazz. ssswhy Premiere was my favorite hip-hop producer till justin came along.

      anyways Mingus, Monk, Parker, Trane, Beau Berry and Cleave Eaton are just a few of my jazz faves. would make for some challenging and compelling samples homey.”

      yeah i have sweetback’s album. i do love their sound. a lot. and believe you me, i’m a big jazz fan and i’ve mined all kinds of jazz for sample sources…

      its actually completely opened me up to music i would have never discovered. if anything, dj premier is partly responsible for my opened up musical tastes…

  27. My perspective as I’ve gotten older is rather simple: “what’s mine will be just for me- yeah”. (Chrisette Michelle)

    Most of my life I’ve found myself on the slightly competivive tracks, particularly as it relates to career and even some creative pursuits. However, most of my peers never understood why the hel#l I was so laid back about most things and usually got what i wanted. But I’ve found just in the last few years that the “righter” something really is, the less i have to jockey for it.

    Over the last several months, I’ve included love in this ephiphany perspective as well. If its keep me up at night, if Im agonizing over the shyt, over-thinking stuff, looking for ways to “tweak the situation”…its not for me.

    ..whats mine will be just for me.

    • Most of my life I’ve found myself on the slightly competivive tracks, particularly as it relates to career and even some creative pursuits. However, most of my peers never understood why the hel#l I was so laid back about most things and usually got what i wanted. But I’ve found just in the last few years that the “righter” something really is, the less i have to jockey for it.

      Message!

  28. Sorry, not a big Sade fan at all. Well, I’m not a fan at all. Never really got into it.

    Anyway, a new perspective on…I’m not sure. On the dating/relationship scene, I find myself in the same situation over and over again. Liking a guy, they say they like you, wants to spend all this time with you. And as soon as they get that guard down low enough for them to jump over it and get to you, they jump ship. Usually on some punk ish. Like it was a class they needed to pass, got the credits, and withdrew. (Sorry, just enrolled back into school-lol)
    With that said, I guess my new perspective would be that my trust must be earned. I thought I followed this one, but apparently not. You won’t get it by running your mouth a lot, or just because a few months have past by, but really EARN it. And it will never again be given because “it’s time to give it.” I’ve also learned that just because someone is in your life, that doesn’t always mean that they have your best at heart. This was definitely a tough pill to swallow, but I took it with a Coke and smiled! :o ) It still gets lodged in the throat area, but it’ll go down…eventually…

  29. How have I evolved over my adult years? Hmmm…Here goes:

    -I have learned in romatic relationship, never ignore the warning signs. If you get the indication that something is not right in the first 3 months, chances are, it will still be wrong after 3 years.

    -When a man tells you what he is capable of–believe him. (Ex-Dude says ‘I really like you. I have never had this type of connection with a woman. I just know I am not ready for a realationship right now’. Dont expect this to change. No matter how much time you spend together, no matter how good the sex is, this will not change)

    -If you want something different in life, think differently then act differently.

    -There is nothing wrong with a little selfishness and vanity. It goes a long way.

    -Never tell your mate EVERYTHING about you.

    -Try not to love him more than he loves you. Even if you do, make it your business not to show it.

    -Dont get caught up in the ‘Good On Paper’ guys. The one that attaches himself to your heart likely wont fit a quarter of that shit.

    -For me, street smarts adds more value to a relationship than book smart. I love a nerd, but if he doesnt recognize game I wont respect him.

    • For me, street smarts adds more value to a relationship than book smart. I love a nerd, but if he doesnt recognize game I wont respect him.
      This is the truth..
      I run game so when its run on me I can peep it-B.G
      and I find this is apropos of another lyric from the book of Ball and G
      Game shootin ninja’s and bytches f*ckin wit me everyday,
      Mayne if I was lame I couldnt see them from a mile away-Eightball -nobody but me

    • -Dont get caught up in the ‘Good On Paper’ guys. The one that attaches himself to your heart likely wont fit a quarter of that shit.

      I lost a year and half on a “good on paper” kat.
      Never again.

        • The dream ….(sigh) still talk to the good on paper guy and wish it could have been but it’s a fantasy and I guess I am thanking my lucky stars I didn’t fall into the hole.

    • Spicy notes:

      “For me, street smarts adds more value to a relationship than book smart. I love a nerd, but if he doesnt recognize game I wont respect him.”

      balance is best but if i had to choose 1 over the other i’m wit u sug. i’ll take street smarts and common sense over book smart lame-os.

      1 black mans opinion

      • balance is best but if i had to choose 1 over the other i’m wit u sug. i’ll take street smarts and common sense over book smart lame-os.

        I love my hood smarts.. really helps me keep my sanity in this corporate jungle…Like I said I am competing with a “ghetto” name, natural hair, “sista girl” attitude and a big butt.. I could have stepped in several landmines that my street smarts helped me avoid and keep me moving up instead of falling off the ladder

  30. “Pr0n stars may look hot, but in truth, they’re probably sizzling in more than one way and that’s just not a good look.

    In fact, if he’s not afraid of jail, you may just have TWO problems on your hand.”

    Okay, these two things made me CTFU.

    Sade has always been great, I hate that you’re just coming around, and Phyllis Hyman (RIP) she died way too young, it was so sad how things ended for her.

    Perspective…hmmm.
    All guys are not arseholes. There are more than a couple, but not as many as you think.
    That’s what I’ve learned.

      • I just listened to “Living All Alone” again, and I got chills.
        I get chills every time I hear it.
        That is talent.

        • oh crap I’m triing to avoid songs like this right now circa my comment to devient’s thread on OT. OMG! stank you smelly much t-lee

  31. I still cant listen to Sade. it sounds like music people listen to before they jump off a building or slash their wrists. I openly mock friends and relatives from 8 to 80 that try to get me to listen to Lil Wayne or similar refuse.

  32. When I was young I wanted or at least my parents told me I should want a man that is highly educated with a great job and lots of money. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it shouldn’t be about money because a man with a lot of money either has to work long hours and is to tired to give you mornin’ luvin or he desires his money more then he will ever desire you. So in the future money is nice, but I now prefer a solid education, nice smile, great convo and experience (travel, hobbies, great childhood stories :) ). Morning luvin’ also goes a LONG way!
    I just might be the girl from next door… looking for the guy next door.
    LOL! @ That’s okay though because Wu-Tang is for the kids.

  33. I have a new take on what it takes to be an effective older student. I am becoming the difficult student I had to tutor in school. This means nowdays I have to quantify and qualify decisions reasons. When it all used to be instinct like Jordan when he faked the finger roll & went to the other side of the rim. Maybe that it’s time to prepare the way for a successor. Making me make a mark on the wall of my cave so someone can do what I once did? Show off my awesome?
    So you wanna sample Sade mayne? Just make it great. Main reason I abhor kieth murray is he sampled Teddy P. Who I considered classic now defiled by some booooooo rappin. When I wanted to hear Teddy P. I wanted to beat her into them sheets. Which made Kieth’s song kind of like that faux pas of listening to slow jams as you ride in a car w/ ya boys. You just don’t do it. So what I’m saying is all music has it’s place. Some of it needs to stay right there where it was born but it has a place to be enjoyed by who ever could be into it. I gues I have lightened up too cuz I feel the same way about Unice Wayman (Nina Simone to all you fake fans) and I don’t hate Talib or Common n whoever else is rippin her runs. I like samplin, just make it and own it as your own.

    • “So what I’m saying is all music has it’s place. Some of it needs to stay right there where it was born but it has a place to be enjoyed by who ever could be into it.”

      ive come to this conclusion as well.

      • I was a kid when I learned this. Made me want to travel the world n party just to hear the indigenous hot tish and see the idiosyncrasies of their culture that made it hot. Sort of exploring something I heard Wednesday Adams say when she was asked about her Halloween costume. She said ‘I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.’ The fun people the look just like everybody else. May speak another language have a different kind of symmetry but the basics are there just like everybody else.

    • So what I’m saying is all music has it’s place. Some of it needs to stay right there where it was born but it has a place to be enjoyed by who ever could be into it

      yeah, there are some songs that i just refuse to touch b/c i think they’re just too good. i don’t feel i’d do them justice so i just leave them alone.

      isaac hayes ‘hung up on my baby’ is one though the Geto Boys straight murked “mind’s playing trick on me’…it can’t be done better…but there are so many breaks in that song i love…but alas, its just beautiful music so i’ll leave it alone.

      • Word up Panama. I think that they matched some feelings the original song invoked. Kieth murry didn’t rap about gettin it in so he was puttin poka dots w/ plaid. easy on the Isaac Hayes talk. I once partied in the vip of his club in Memphis. Feelin sensitive on the loss (maybe it’s just that time in my life though circa my comment on deviant’s comment on OT)
        I’d like to put forth the motion that Panama’s music gets airtime if not a concert @ the vsb bbq. Shyt I believe in you anyone who can appreciate lots of music knows what’s good or not. I once heard that some of the best art is created right quick. The moment hits you run w/ it and it’s a beautiful thing to be adored by many. I believe you could sample anything even the hits that you deem sacred you just need the right mood n moment. Maybe it could help if you was on some ‘wanna cut your ear off’ moment.

        • motion carried.

          real talk, i’m actually finishing up an album right now of jazz fusion (with no vocals really) prog rock stuff. i’m like 8 songs in…i’ve been told that most of it sounds like a movie score along the lines of Oceans 12 or something…

          • Yyyyyesss! (way too excited I got a motion carried)

            jazz fusion mcprog rock eh? Sounds like Oceans 12. I think you got a case of saving the world in this album w/ a bunch of your friends. Where words would only get in the way.

        • Isaac funded my majorette squad and my sisters..he was a really cool dude even though scientology killed some of his brain cells and he really had an understanding of music…

  34. I wanted to comment on the topic at hand but this comment:

    For instance, videos made me think that the best possible scenario was to get a woman with the body dimensions of Esther Baxter…perspective (and experience) teaches me that “fat ti^^ies turn to tear drops and fat a$$ turns to flab…”

    infuriates me. Esther Baxter is perfect and will remain that way forever. You’re a doodoohead, and I hate you.

    • ouch.

      i don’t think i’ve been called a doodoohead since at least 2nd grade.

      reminds me of my homeboy calling me a creep in 9th grade. that sh*t perplexed me for 2 days straight. mostly b/c it made me realize his talksh*t game was SEVERELY lacking.

      • Don’t be hurt Panama. As long as I got tivo and youtube she will forever stay hot. Kinda like Red Fox and his Lena Horne. ‘Never get between a man and his Horne.’ Dag something just hit me. That lady was on the Cosby show driving Hethcliff Huxtable crazy too. NMH there may be hope?

    • “You’re a doodoohead, and I hate you”

      this was such an exquisite example of hate I will say this to my co-workers for teh rest of they day.

    • “You’re a doodoohead, and I hate you”

      this was such an exquisite example of hate I will say this to my co-workers for the rest of they day.

  35. I am a perfectionist…a procrastinating perfectionist….I have learned that I either need to be one or the other to prevent from going crazy. The trick is determining at which time to be which one….

  36. umm… definitely NOT watching 90210… GOSSIP GIRLS ALL THE WAY!!!

    back to the blog at hand…
    yes, perspective is a helluva drug!!! i’m definitely reminiscing to my younger days when i thought that it was cool to be dating (to be read as boning) someone twice my age or back to my even younger days when i thought that it was super cool to have a nickname like Munchie because of how much weed you smoked…

    it’s funny because as i was going through an early quarter-life crisis, i went back to dating a drug dealer and perpetual pot head… it was then that i realized how much i had grown up and that kissing someone that tasted like mary-jane just was not what’s up.

    now i’m older, wiser, and married to a younger man! lol

  37. I used to feel the same way about Prince., a fact I didn’t share with very many people for fear of being shunned like a leper… I now know that Prince is the Sh*T. but back then I didn’t want to hear anything he had to sing. I’d like to blame this disgust on my mother. She played his albums and the group Guy’s (I didn’t like them either) to the point that I was completely turned off. I remember snatching her tape out of the car tape deck and ripping the tape apart and sticking it back in the player like I hadn’t don’t sh*t…. I was a demon child sometimes.

    Since then (many many many years) I have grown to love and appreciate both of these artists. When I realized I was getting my freak freak jam on to Prince, it’s when I realized…. Da*m I’ve grown. Now that I’ve come to my senses, I own the whole Prince collection.

    • I can understand why you didnt like them. I feel like that about Mary J now. My sister plays her endlessly. We dont even live in the same city now and I still can’t stand to hear anything with Mary J in it. I thougth she was overrated cause I saw her live when she first came out and it sounded like she had a throat disease.

      • Oh snap! Devs you is my twin brothuh from another mothuh. I have never like Mary J. There I said it. I’m ready for the tomatoes now (even though the festival was last week).

        • Hey hey hey… Mary J has come a long way…

          but she is more of a track artist than a live show artist.

          As much as I love her I would never go and see her in concert again. She really did sound like she had a throat disease. She’ll never get my money that way.

          • I can’t bear to type those words, but you already know.

            I almost get stoned everytime I tell someone that Beyonce can’t really sing either.

            • except that Beyonce can actually, ya know, sing…

              the hell are you listening too??

              beyonce may be overrated and oversaturated, but one thing she absolutely can do is sing.

              next thing you know, somebody’s gonna say that alicia keys is a better singer than beyonce.

              g’head. i dare anybody.

              • I think Beyonce can sing, BUT I think she OVERsings songs that do not require it, as most diva performers do, but I never knew you could be that passionate about your freakum dress, lol

              • i think alicia can sing better than bey. beyonce’s just straight shouting half the time, and even though alicia sounds like she’s been hitting that green even harder than puff sometimes, her voice is so rich and raw, it does more for me than beyonce’s poppy ish.

                this does not mean that i do not sing along to suga mama like i’m about to buy idris elba a short set.

              • yes Beyonce can sing.. but she dosent have a pure/clear vocal tone.. she is quite nasal and therefore I can understand why some people dont think that she can sing.

              • Imma have to agree with PJ on this one: I did not think B could sing UNTIL I heard listen. She can blow. BUT she does over sing them silly a$$ songs of hers. But she has a stronger voice and greater range than Alicia.

                Alicia, who I am a fan of (NOT a B fan), sounds like she is straining at times. BUT her songs are classics and they are raw and her ish will be played when we are all 60. B’s will not.

  38. I’m sorry but to this day listening to Sade makes me want swing little kittens by their tails and throw them into an open fire. As far as the classic ish goes, I listen to Marvin, Stevie, and Teddy P (no T-Pain) With rap music, I listen to alot of underground ish, but I’m still conscious of the every day crap that’s on the radio.

    Now to the topic at hand: “what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions?”

    I haven’t the slightest clue, I still do dumb ish . . . every day. I just do dumb ish. For example, I won’t fix the small leak in the tub, but will let it turn into a flood in the bathroom. I’m a professional procrastinator!!! For some reason I’m at my best, at the last possible minute. This has been true for me with School, Job, family and even sex. Only difference now is that I have accepted this.

    • “I’m sorry but to this day listening to Sade makes me want swing little kittens by their tails and throw them into an open fire.”

      ……………………………..

    • I’m sorry but to this day listening to Sade makes me want swing little kittens by their tails and throw them into an open fire.

      despite having a cat, this made me laugh very hard. though i will say thats how i feel about michelle williams from destiny’s child. i hate her voice. and bob dylan. i hate his voice too.

      • I am so with you on the Michelle Williams. Every time I heard her voice I was like… who the hell is that? Im so happy they didn’t allow her to sing by herself to often. She was like Macy Gray on 4 packs a day.

      • though i will say thats how i feel about michelle williams from destiny’s child. i hate her voice. and bob dylan. i hate his voice too.
        But at least bob has the redeeming quality of being a great song writer whereas Michelle is a 45 year old back up singer that sounds like a$$

    • F-Yo says:

      “I’m sorry but to this day listening to Sade makes me want swing little kittens by their tails and throw them into an open fire.”

      i bestow upon you the honorary “Deviant” award.

      u may rise.

      this some sh*t i expect to hear out of Deevs not because Sade provokes random acts of inhumanity but because Deevs derives great pleasure sometimes just from being a random azzhole about sh*t.

      i’m still laughing! F-Yo and Deevs take on Nature boy Rick Flair and Chief Wahoo McDaniel in Texas Death Match.

      …whooooooo!

      • “this some sh*t i expect to hear out of Deevs not because Sade provokes random acts of inhumanity but because Deevs derives great pleasure sometimes just from being a random azzhole about sh*t. ”

        its like you knew me in a current life. Sade is depressing. It makes me wonder about the mindstate of those who enjoy it. I like happy music like ODB and Project Pat.

        • Deevs says:

          I like happy music like ODB and Project Pat.

          WTF!

          lol! oohh sh*t lol!

          Project Pat should get gang green in his tongue and forever never speak again. no kidding but u feel me. i miss ODB at the foodstamp office and at the grammys. can u imagine ODB on Cheaters or the 1st 48 or with his own reality show that comes on right after flavor flav (of love)

          • Project Pat should get gang green in his tongue and forever never speak again
            SHUT YO MOUTH….
            not Project Pat.. a ninja thats down for his clown mayne if you act up I’ll be downtown Mayne
            fourth floor bound mayne, thats if I get caught, mayne
            pushed me to the limit but it really aint my fault mayne? What
            who also wrote the hood classic… Gorilla Pimpin
            I’ma go-rilla pimp you can call me great ape
            knockin’ teefus out ya mouth need to get ya shyt straight?
            I’ma gorilla on the hoes
            I’ma Pimp nigga you ain’t know?
            I’ma a mack mane on the stroll
            I’m out here trying to make a ho
            Cause I hustle on the low
            I ain’t tryin’ to go for broke
            So bitch don’t ?try me ho?
            If you do I’ma cut ya throat

            CMON Now….

          • thats why I can listen to Project Pat now. I used to hate triple Six. Then Spring Break 01 happened. I went with some cats from Memphis and Mista Dont Play became the backdrop for the whole drunken week. After that everytime I hung out with them some debauchery had some Triple Six (or ol school R&B) in the background. Too many good, hazy, and heatheous memories are attached to it to keep hating it.

        • ” I like happy music like ODB and Project Pat.”

          CTFU!!!!!!
          “Should’ve paid your light bill, you bought an outfit.”
          Just one of the zingers from ChickenHead.

            • I loved Lord Infamous. Don’t forget Gangsta Boo and Koopsta Knicca as well.
              I know they all had fallings out about money and such.

              “Who Run It?” is still one of my get hype songs…lol

            • what happened to Lord Infamous? He was my favorite one next to Crunchy Black

              He got conned out and started robbing folks.. I think he went to jail for a while but he became a real liablity….he is Dj Pauls brother

      • “i’m still laughing! F-Yo and Deevs take on Nature boy Rick Flair and Chief Wahoo McDaniel in Texas Death Match.

        …whooooooo!”

        awwww, that took me back on some ol’ four horsemen isht!! whoooooooooo!

    • “I’m sorry but to this day listening to Sade makes me want swing little kittens by their tails and throw them into an open fire.”

      The visual from this made me very sad.

  39. first of all, Phyllis Hyman…PITTSBURGH STAND UP!!!!

    now that i got that out of the way, there was a time when i thought that i had to connect on a deep intellectual level with anyone i was seriously involved with, and anyone who didnt fit that profile would be relegated to jump-off status or unrestricted free agency.

    now, you still need to be wicked schmat and sh*t, but we dont hafta spend all day discussing nafta and john locke’s effect on 21 first century western pennsylvanian commerce. just make me laugh, and keep it wet.

      • “just make me laugh, and kept it wet.”

        Champ that’s a t-shirt nicca…

        i’ll wear the hell outta that (pun intended)

          • 8th “*Chuckles*”

            “Oh Genius..” u moan.

            luv to luv u baby. take a loooong bath get lotioned up, sexy panties put on some heels (that should put u at about 6″ 2) and a silky black dress and stand as close to me as u can without touching me and talk about whatever cums to mind, we’ll make each other laugh and then u can tell me how it makes u feel.

            softness…

            • You wouldn’t be able to handle standing as close as you can to me without touching, so NO.

              No I won’t. There.

              • 8th i know ur scared to get close enough to feel the whisper of my fresh azz breath on ur neck. he bites. dont touch. although u want to. don’t move. i trace ur sillohuette with my… now feel this. i tie ur hands behind ur back with my wife beat. ur thoughts tie ur tongue with truth u can’t conceal. the cornea and the iris conspire to re-enact blindness… sweat as ur goosebumps stand at attention. shift ur weight from one leg to the other and back hoping to adjust ur unmentionables. stay right he…

              • 8th says:

                Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

                u like it u want some.

                i’m wearing the tee-shirt right now.

              • “u thief!”

                Yeah I straight AnteUpJackThatFool-d you.

                Anyway

                *Draws line on floor of e-room*

                Stay on your side, GK. Don’t let this 5’11 Amazonian fabulousness be your undoing.

          • 8th threatens:

            “Stay on your side, GK. Don’t let this 5?11 Amazonian fabulousness be your undoing.”

            u know i’m afeared right? and then we broke up but before i leave:

            i cross the line u’ve drawn on the floor. u shutter in disbelief. a strange heir of calm cums over u.

            undo me baby like u never done before. …but only if ur lucky.

            …don’t mess around and undid urself Wonder Woman

            hugs me tight…

            genius khan has left the planet.

          • This is my first time sending someone to the corner, but I feel this is my moment.

            Luvvie…

            GO ———————–>

    • [pssst...hey champ yanno philly claims her too, right? i've tried to claim her for the burgh in public and it rarely flies. *pats you on the shoulder* now run along Champ, go eat or something.]

      • from wiki..

        “Even though she was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (to an Italian American mother and African American father), Hyman grew up in the St. Clair Village section in Pittsburgh. ”

        ya’ll like apples?

        • ahahahaa every now and again people want to be The Champ like that john malkovich movie. rofl Hows about a pink lady apple. You ever had one of them. Man they are juicy crispy and oh so sweet. The first one I had was like candy to me.

          • pink lady apple? i pride myself on being a connoissuer of fruits, but never heard of that one…

            dying to try one just because your description sounds so… freaknasty….

            • Okay I went to wikki to help this out here.
              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_Lady_(apple)
              now if that sounded freeknastie you gots to own that feeling yourself. I got a thing for food too. I can understand maybe some wires got crossed in your head cuz the signal for hunger and ceks are in the same place in the brain. But I don’t roll like that. The Champ and I are boys demon. Even though you may have a point. I just might start calling the snappiest of the nappy dug outs my pink lady, but not right now. see my comment to Devient’s comment on the OT it’s close to the top.

              • oh stop it… i wasn’t serious.

                i am a foodie and a freak… the two get crossed often

                hmmmm TMI

            • oh since you love the produce so much remind me to remind you when I’m going to new zeland. We should go sheer some sheep, eat some produce, and do a little zorbing. hey ever had a quince?

              • new zeland is on my list of places to visit before i have babies… we need to roll. the hubby will tag along… or just understand my wanderlust.

              • ooh please bring the hubby proverbs advises that I not come over if he isn’t there.

                Real talk quinces and these lil yellow fruits w/ red tops that grow on palm trees changed my world.

                Sorry I’m kinda skittish lately. I’m working on it.

              • truedat… at his root he is a north philly boy and thus, i shall not test how far the treetop really is from the roots… i don’t do conjugal visits…

                but you can be my epicurian/travel buddy….

              • well let the gastronaumical gafau’s gaggle. Where I’m a Gary Indiana native who ain’t never scared. I cann’t take more tdrauma. I’ve had this terrible penchant to try palm wine too.

              • palm wine is the deliciousness…take it from an african girl… grew up on that stuff… WORD.

        • going to wiki is like going to brotha man on the corner to get your facts. wiki is the lazy folks encyclopedia…

          but yes i know this about her being raised in the burgh, i’m just saying there is some debate about where her vocal training all began…i’m just saying…btw, i don’t like you or your damn apples. (lol)

  40. Hmmm, good question. This is what I have learned, through personal experience, and watching my friends:

    - When someone shows you who they are, just believe them.

    - You cannot change anyone, period.

    - There is no such thing as a perfect person, however there is someone perfect for you. You don’t need to explain to ANYONE why they are perfect, because they may never understand, and that’s just fine. I once had a boyfriend tell me that even my flaws were beautiful to him. It was probably the best compliment I’ve ever recieved. That’s love on some real shyt.

    - Have sex with who you want to have sex with, WHENEVER you want. Who gives a damn if people disagree with what’s going on within your walls (pun totally intended). BUT also realize that EVERY action has a reaction, and if you can’t deal with that, keep your panties up.

    - Learn to be real with yourself. If you ain’t shyt, know that. If you fall too quick and need to get a grip, know that. When you can be honest with yourself, you save everyone a lot of time and drama.

    - If its not working, and this applies to every aspect of life, just let it go. Tis better to be happy alone than to be miserable with a sucky boyfriend, friend, etc. You came into this world alone and will leave alone. Be comfortable with you.

    • “If its not working, and this applies to every aspect of life, just let it go. Tis better to be happy alone than to be miserable with a sucky boyfriend, friend, etc. You came into this world alone and will leave alone. Be comfortable with you.”

      ***and then there was light***

    • 8th says:

      “keep your panties up.”

      until u meet me and ur clean and cute and sexy and soft and fine and personable etc. etc.

      lol! (ohhh sh*t) lol!

    • “- If its not working, and this applies to every aspect of life, just let it go. Tis better to be happy alone than to be miserable with a sucky boyfriend, friend, etc. You came into this world alone and will leave alone. Be comfortable with you.”

      Mayne hol’ up.
      This is the junk!

  41. Sade is definitely in my iPod. Phyllis and Donnie are in an entirely different league. I can listen to them for hours just focusing on vocal tones, the way they use their voices and the music. I can also really appreciate the heart and honesty they share in their words. It takes guts to be that honest. I respect that.

    I think I’ve learned (am learning) so much that has helped me grow…Here are the first 10 things that come to mind.
    1. Know your own issues…own them.
    2. When talking to others, really listen and try to see the other side of the coin.
    3. Respect the one you love/are with and respect yourself in every situation, especially an argument. It’s hard to take angry words back.
    4. Don’t let fear and pride stop you from having/going after anything, especially love.
    5. Trust your gut…it does not lie.
    6. Balance emotion and logic before making a big decision.
    7. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to walk away if your needs aren’t being met.
    8. Pick your battles.
    9. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
    10. You can learn something from everyone you meet.

  42. “I won’t pretend that I intend to stop living
    I won’t pretend I’m good at forgiving
    But I can’t hate you
    Although I have tried
    I still really really love you
    Love is stronger than pride
    I still really really love you”

    I have learned that for me Love is stronger than pride, it is my nature to love hard and fast and give 110% and yes that may have cost me heartbreak, but you know what they say, better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all…

      • ““better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all…”

        I cannot get behind that sentiment. At all. Like, I’d be hella mad if someone showed me a moist slice of pineapple upside cake, let me take a bite and then snatched the plate as I prepared to devour it. So, naturally, I’d be distraught and listening to Phyllis if I had love and then lost it.

        • “I’d be hella mad if someone showed me a moist slice of pineapple upside cake, let me take a bite and then snatched the plate as I prepared to devour it”

          I think your supposed to get some joy in knowing that you were at least able to look at the cake and had it presented to you perhaps on a pretty plate. For if you never looked at the cake, how in fact are you able to really LONG for the cake.

          im hungry.

        • VEG, we’ve had this discussion at length. U already know. I think a life lived without at least one LOVE is not completely complete.

          • falling in love is like peeing your pants…at first it starts out all warm but then it turns cold and leaves you a mess.

            ~cant remember

  43. I’ve also learned that it’s okay to be an asshole. It’s who I am. What’s wrong with having fun at someone else’s expense? So what I ask the bank teller for all one dollar bills when cashing my tax refund check. So what I leave I.O.U notes in place of money in a random strippers g-string. So what I make my kids come all the way from there rooms just to pass the remote control. So what I enjoy dropping empty wallets in front of homeless people. I like to laugh, I can’t help it. So in the famous words of Dennis Leary, “I’m an asshole and I’m proud of it”

  44. oh yeah, Teena Marie is in the same boat as Sade. She sounds like someone screeching there nails across a blackboard. She makes me want to sick my Doberman on newborn babies.

  45. Hmmm….I really have nothing to contribute on this topic, so I am just going to sit back and let my elders teach me some ish……

  46. lets see… perspective
    i’ve learned 3 big lessons in exactly this order– life has a funny way of correcting you when you over-swing the pendulum

    1. you are beautiful, intelligent, caring and loyal… put the razor blade down

    2. don’t get ahead of yourself sweetheart– there is always someone bigger, badder and flyer than you. don’t believe your own hype (too much). humility will take you farther than you could ever imagine

    3. don’t be a human doormat though, humility=/= lack of self resepct. in all things (relationships, friendships, career) a woman only garners as much respect as she commands

    finally co-sign that your inner voice is the Creator/Universe speaking to you… so LISTEN

    • “a woman only garners as much respect as she commands.”

      Please break it down so that it may forever and consistently be broke.

      ^Had to throw in the obligatory Love Jones quote since no one else has yet.

      • 8th high fives molasses:

        “a woman only garners as much respect as she commands.” B.M.

        Please break it down so that it may forever and consistently be broke. (8th quotes Love Joneses Larenz Tate)

        husbands lead ur wives and boyfriends direct ur lady friends…

        a woman will always get away with whatever you allow her.

        genuflect.

      • and it starts w/ the only person she can command, herself

        like Dady Tang said, ‘you got to have respect to get respect little Pootie’

        The world needs more Pootie Tang quotes.

          • You know what I should have said it diffrently like. It starts w/ the first person she commands (ooh this even feels better), herself.

            [check the flow between the order of steps and natural order of power]

            TY btw that song blackberry molasses has some serious memories to it for me.

            • “Don’t tell me how to live my life, after all that we’ve been through…don’t wanna hear bout your hardships, cause I been there myself a time or two”

              Blackberry Molasses is a great song, that honestly, I absolutely hated until earlier this year. And lord only knows how long that song has been out.

            • i’m glad someone pulled that nugget of truth out. respect/love starts with self– dammit, if you don’t like you, how can you expect others to?
              okay… now you gets love from the retrospect….

              oh, and you’re welcome… for the song flashback.

              i miss the era when singers could actually… you know, SING

              • or @ least be able to make you know noise and silence that is pleasing to the ears. Yeah someone who is able to play their windpipe like a trombone.

    • “don’t be a human doormat though, humility=/= lack of self resepct. in all things (relationships, friendships, career) a woman only garners as much respect as she commands”

      ***hanging up the traveling pants of sisterhood so that we may salute***

  47. The only thing I can say w/any certainty is @ the age of 35, I know that almost everything I thought was important 10, 15 years ago is now completely irrelevant. All that matters is the life I have now. I am a different person today and if I do not honor that, there will be no tomorrow for me.

  48. Well, I cant front like I still ain’t a oungin’ (I will be the big 2-5 in a few monthes) but I think the biggest lesson learned is…. SLOW THE EFF DOWN!!!! Just slow down and take it easy. My boo (since I can’t call him BF, loverman, etc. thanks to vsb. lol) always says “move with purpose not with speed” and though I hate to admit it he is so right. you make mistakes when you rush, but you allow yourself to make decesions when you move with purpose!!

    ** 90210…. makes me feel waaaaaay old, along with most award shows, Baldwin Hills, and That’s so Raven**

        • i guess going to college, grad school, and working for the federal government don’t quite kill street cred anymore, but that’s so raven…definitely. lol.

          i think i lost my street cred when i stopped selling drugs. that was a sad day.

          but at least i still drink kool-aid.

          • LMAO! Keep drinking kool-aid, eating fried chicken and wearing air force ones. That way, some of ur street cred wont b entirely dead.

          • i guess going to college, grad school, and working for the federal government don’t quite kill street cred anymore, but that’s so raven…definitely. lol.

            LOL it really does for a guy..with no children.. LMAO however many women will probably find it quite endearing…depending on how cute you are…

      • @ PJ

        ***SMH***

        I watch with my 6 and 7 year old nieces on the regular…why do you watch?

      • i never watched drake and josh, but thats so raven is SO my ish! love it! and dont ya’ll get me started on the fairly oddparents! i could watch that all damn day!

        imma be 28 in december!

  49. Me’shell Ndegocello’s Bitter CD is what I listen to during break ups and meltdowns (“Smell you in my dreams…” ::sniffle::)

    But I digress.

    The lesson I feel like I keep repeating to myself is that I am not required to save the men I enter relationships with from themselves. I’m not required to ‘fix’ their situations, self esteem, insecurities and it is ok for me not to accept that assignment. I have a thing for lost souls.

    I also fully embrace my geek boy fetish that I never partook in while in high school. As an adult I have come to realize that geek boys are freak boys….might be all the role play games and comic book reading.. lol.

  50. i’ve learned that everything that glitters ain’t gold….i’d rather see a guy and his flaws rather that be with mr. perfect whose flaws have yet to emerge (because they WILL emerge and the fact that he tried so hard to hide them gives the relationship a bad prognosis).

    i’m still trying to learn that love and critcism can co-exist. just because someone calls you out on your imperfections doesn’t mean that they care for you any less….that’s a hard one to swallow for me being the “perfectionist” that i am……

    p.s. i didn’t see 90210, but i did see the somebodies on BET, it made me laugh

  51. I have learned that if a relationship going too well. One or more of the following things is happening

    1. Someone is a dormat
    2. Some is not invested in the relationship
    3. Someone is just going through the motions

    Relationships are hard. If it ain’t hard, you ain’t working hard enough. Fighting is normal.

    • it sounds like youre saying if no one is bickering or fighting then things are not going right. if thats the case why would anyone want a relationship?

    • “If it ain’t hard, you ain’t working hard enough. Fighting is normal.”

      eh.

      i’d beg to differ, but since this is my site, i dont hafta beg anyone for sh*t

      • For me, when I was in a relationship with someone where we didn’t fight, it was because I did whatever I wanted and he put up with it. And he did what I told him to.

        And after I got down off the pedestal that he had me on, I realized that that sh*t ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. That relationships was quite shallow, and had little meaning for me.

        Now I’m working on caring enough for a person to give a damn (about their feelings/positions/needs). And not just being an asshole.

        Right now that equates to having disagreements and talking about feelings and sh*t.

          • Constant strife is definitely NOT what I mean.

            Maybe instead of saying that relationships are hard, I should have said that relationships take work. You have to pay attention to each other, communicate, be willing to compromise, and value the other person, etc, etc. And to me, this equals work. And it doesn’t come easily for me (or at least it hasn’t in the past).

            I guess, in my misguided youth I thought that a good relationship was one in which there were no ruffles. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to suspect relationships that exists without misunderstandings. To me, that is not normal or healthy.

            When you get 2 strong-willed, independent people together, there are bound to be disagreements-unless one of them doesn’t care very much and my original points still apply.

            And I agree with Suga&Spice below, if the relationship is hard all the time, then clearly you should reassess the situation.

    • ‘Relationships are hard. If it ain’t hard, you ain’t working hard enough. Fighting is normal.’

      Although they sometimes require hard work (which is usually just one or both parties taking a moment to get over themselves) I dont think they ARE hard. Not all the time, and if they are I can promise you at least one of three things is occuring.

      1. Either you are doing it at the wrong time
      2. You are doing it with the wrong person or
      3. You are doing it for the wrong reason

      And if one or more of these things is happening you have to ask yourself. What are the benefits and is it work it.

      Cost/Benefit Analysis arent just for businesses.

  52. “Being that most of us are pretty grown here, what perspective do you have now that you didn’t have when you were younger that helps you make better decisions? Hell, do you make better decisions than you did before? And this isn’t like what would you tell your younger self…nope…this is yourself that went through life without all that knowledge.

    And Sade might be great, but she ain’t no Phyllis Hyman.”

    As far as perspective goes, mine is very fluid. My view of life and the world as we know it changes everyday. But I can say that my spiritual perspective has had the greatest effect on me. My idea of who or what God has forced me to reexamine some of the decisions I make or actions I do/n’t take in accordance with my beliefs. I’ve learned to ask more questions when things don’t make sense instead of just taking someone else word for it. Especially when it’s something that is being introduced as an interpretation of God’s words.

    I hope I’m making better decisions now that I previously had. But I’m the only one who can really assess that judgement and my judgement will always be biased no matter how honest and objective I think it is.

    And I agree, Sade is no Phyllis Hyman but she’s still worth of my attention and that’s saying something.

    Somebody questioned earlier why some of the greatest artists are the most tortured. I think maybe it’s because they had greater insight into their souls than most and what they saw there was too intense. Imagine being able to convey all your emotions to the world (all your joy, pain, sorrow, heartache, etc.) and all anyone ever did for you was applaud?

    BTW: Love Is Stronger Than Pride, Is It A Crime, and By Your Side are three of the greatest love songs ever written.

    • “Imagine being able to convey all your emotions to the world (all your joy, pain, sorrow, heartache, etc.) and all anyone ever did for you was applaud?”

      Wonderful point.

    • As far as perspective goes, mine is very fluid. My view of life and the world as we know it changes everyday. But I can say that my spiritual perspective has had the greatest effect on me. My idea of who or what God has forced me to reexamine some of the decisions I make or actions I do/n’t take in accordance with my beliefs. I’ve learned to ask more questions when things don’t make sense instead of just taking someone else word for it. Especially when it’s something that is being introduced as an interpretation of God’s words.

      This is golden.. let me also just comment that your writing style is very fluid and complex in its simplicity…..

    • Kaaaahhhn! yo you can’t just drop out some alexis tyler all willy nilly like that. I just read the title and heard her voice and I’m laughing so hard I think I’m going to have a stroke. roflmao

  53. i recently learned that there is nothing wrong with not drinking, not wanting to party all the time, not being super outgoing

    as a former party girl (every day of the week) and constantly drinking…

    there is nothing “wack” about not being a drinker or party goer

    Im glad im slowing down…and yes im getting older

  54. body parts (or lack there of) dont define my self worth (or anyone’s for that matter)

    My best friend was picked over me cause she had more fat in certain favored body parts than me in 6th grade and I never really got over it

    Im more than that…

    I dont need a Phatty, or huge breasts and a small waist (buffie’s body) to be a great woman (and neither does any other woman)

    Im 30 years old and all those girls are fat now anyway…lol

  55. “And Sade might be great, but she ain’t no Phyllis Hyman.”

    CLASSIC statement… that should be on one of your shirts… I love them both, but no one can touch Phyllis Hyman.

  56. I’m kinda trippin’ off the fact that P doesn’t think Teena Marie can sing. Wow…Really?

    “Portuguese Love”, “Ooh La La La”, “Cassanova Brown”, “Out On A Limb”, “Young Girl”, “Square Biz” – all evidence of her singing ability. Not to mention her voice just has a rich, sultry silkiness that’s fly. I love Lady T.

  57. used to hate Sade. And forgive the fact that I don’t know where in Sam Hill the accented “e” is. Just pretend its there.

    panama, darling – she’s an African. all our e’s are accented! without the pretentious accent! it’s just like that!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>