Featured, Theory & Essay

Six Foolproof And Effective Things To Do To Bring Atheists Back To The Lord

A few years ago, I told my mother, a Christian woman from Mississippi who had freshly aged into her 60s, that I was an atheist. She didn’t speak to me for three days straight. I should be clearer—I actually told her, as we waited at the window of an Arby’s drive-thru, that God didn’t have a place in my life, since she’d asked me where God fit in my life. God certainly did not fit into the jamocha shake and curly fries I was about to devour, nor did he fit into the nice relaxing holiday I was trying to have away from school at that point, but my mother failed to notice the signals I was giving to this effect, and she pressed the issue.

Had I not been so thoroughly and godlessly enjoying my delicious ass beef n cheddar sandwich, curly fries, and jamocha shake on the way home, I probably would have put more stake into the tense, aggressive silence that my mother imposed on the car ride home. As it stood, I enjoyed the absolute shit out of my Arby’s, thank you very much, so that didn’t happen. 

What did happen was that my mother watched more Christian programming than I had ever seen in the days to follow. And not just the Black pastors, either—she watched the little wrinkled old White men who emulated the Black preachers, too, spreading the word of the lord to little southern middle-aged White ladies. In fact, she would very deliberately change the channel to it when I would come into the room, glare at me, and then sit and watch. I wondered in these moments if she would tell me that my computer was the mark of the beast again, but she didn’t break her silence even for that. To be honest, I was a little relieved—you can only watch X Factor and America’s Got Talent with 60-somethings so much before you want to burn down the entire institution of entertainment. I digress.

I can only assume that my mother was doing her damnedest to convert me, despite the fact that I was clearly getting angry and ignoring her. Given her persistence, I’m assuming that was part of the plan—as a matter of fact, in the several uncomfortable conversations I’ve had with the pushier of Christians, I have been so thoroughly and vocally against talking about my religion that I can only assume their persistence in talking about it anyway is a part of some elaborate plan to get me closer to Jesus. Because I don’t understand why Christians so worried about your soul and your religion would deliberately do anything to make you dislike religion more. That would just be silly. 

Since I, too, care dearly about the state of everyone else’s souls, I’ve used my experiences to compile a list of the best things to do to get atheists to convert to your religion, for those who may not be assertive enough in their spirituality to do so.

Say “You’ll Turn To God When You’re Down On Your Luck” 

It is a well-known fact that atheists are entirely immune to the tragedies and tribulations that all believers must go through to grow in life and faith. Our lives are a scintillating and sin-filled flurry of hookers and dark liquor and orgies and Arby’s combo meals. Nothing bad really happens to atheists—or at least, nothing that bad possibly could have happened, since they are still uniformly blissful and ignorant and living their lives without believing in God, which is really not a sustainable thing. There is science somewhere in the Bible that proves this, probably.

Atheists carry with them a near-divine ability to not go through tragic or traumatizing life events. You are right in assuming that the atheist simply needs to go through a certain type of trauma in order to stop being a godless heathen—for the best effect, you should plan to not actually help them through the trauma, as they must learn to swim in the holy waters of the lord by trying not to drown in destitution. Telling them you’ll pray for them during this situation is a plus.

To be fair, it is highly probably that this conversation will be the most obnoxious thing the atheist has experienced all week, so the people who do this are probably on to something.

Ask “What Made You Stop Believing In God?”

It is a well-known fact that every atheist has experienced some trauma that has caused them to move away from God. Atheists are all expert scientists and logicians—just a few months ago, in fact, my sister asked me to explain how she had a dream about a coworker having cancer, which then followed with a totally different coworker ending up with cancer some weeks later. I replied, “I donno, statistics, what the fuck,” to which she replied by nodding sagely and reluctantly changing the subject after about five not-so-subtle hints that I was not a diviner of dreams. But, since atheists are such experts at logic and science and yet somehow do not believe in God, there must be some serious issue that has caused them to move away from God, as God is the alpha and the omega, and what is more scientific than Greek letters? Despite the fact that they probably expressed not even wanting to have this personal ass conversation, asking them about this nebulous trauma makes sense in context, since all atheists are really just lost souls looking for a random shoulder to cry on, like the little Jamaican lady who saw my skirt falling only six inches above my knees, eyed me judgmentally, and asked me what church I attended. I lied to get her to leave me alone, because, you know, heathen/atheist.

A really skilled evangelist will manage to fit this in with the “Down on Your Luck” piece and imply that something terrible must have caused the atheist to stop believing even though the atheist has still not experienced that one thing that will make them suddenly need God more than anything else, including therapy or a stable income or a way to get out of religion conversations they did not consent to. 

Ask Them A Bunch of Probing Questions, And Ignore Their Answers

This is most effective when the atheist is reading a book, or at the dinner table, or at any other time where you would normally find it rude to ask very personal questions about someone’s beliefs and philosophy. Since the atheist is by nature a free spirit, they will appreciate your commitment to finding out the truth, and they will even more thoroughly appreciate your dedicated decision to ignore each and every thing they are saying. If an atheist appreciates anything, it’s a cynic—a cynic who completely ignores the other side of a conversation they are taking part in is essentially their version of God. And if there’s any time to deify yourself, it’s when you’re talking to an atheist. They really like that deity shit.

Praise God…All the Time

In much the same way that your friends are always super keen to hear about your new diet or workout regimen and how happy and healthy you feel, your atheist friends are just a few “praise Gods” away from really taking action and doing what it is that you do every day. Just tell them what wonderful things the lord has brought into your life this week, tell them how much you enjoyed church, and find the most awkward and critical way possible to invite them to your place of worship. Maybe bring up the depression the atheist went into when their ex cheated, since God finally got you through yours after several months of therapy and not dating and a bunch of other things you’ll selectively ignore in this narrative.

Be sure to praise God whenever the atheist has something good happen in their life—positive reinforcement is always a good thing, and the discomfort they feel as they have to ignore you or swiftly change the subject is just a test God is putting them through. It’ll work eventually, and you’ll get used to completing the “God is good all the time and all the time God is good,” call and response on your own under your breath.

Say the Same Things Over and Over and Over and Over and Over Again

Should the atheist actually decide to engage with you about the word of God, you must be prepared. This is your chance! Don’t worry if the atheist says they don’t want to talk about it—this categorically means that they have no solid reason to not be religious, which you should combatively accuse them of as your opening.

Undoubtedly, the atheist will be prepared with reasons that they are an atheist; these reasons are not always related to science or even logic, but you should assume as much in your conversation and immediately begin arguing against the doctrine of atheism—and there definitely is one, since atheism is a religion, a religion which you should essentially treat as a douchey and arrogant application of the scientific method no matter what the atheist says. Essentially, it’s okay to assume every atheist is Richard Dawkins. They’ll take it as a compliment as he is the White Jesus of their religion.

If you’re a Christian who doesn’t actually read the Bible — which, if my experience in these conversations tells me anything, should not stop you from trying to argue about it with other people — you have the best ammo. Bible verse aside, all you need to do is repeat yourself over, and over, and over, and over again—this could even provide the trauma that the atheist will need to call upon God to escape your repetitive wrath. Here’s all you really need to know:

Because God said so. Because it’s in the Bible. Because the Bible is the word of the Lord. Because you have to have faith in the Bible. Because the Bible is the word of God. Because you must have faith in God. Because the Bible says so.

KEEP. AT. IT. Be a human thesaurus for the word of Jesus. This is foolproof—I know, because it’s happened every time I have made the grave error of caving to have this conversation when the first fifteen times I refused to have it didn’t work. Since people keep doing this, it must have some profound effect on atheists. Or maybe it just gets pushy Christians off at night. I can’t really be sure.

Natalie Degraffinried

Natalie is a writer, music-lover, gamer, and Black movie quote code-switcher. Cleveland is the reason. Catch her writing about anxiety, dating, atheism, and a bunch of other stuff at natisextra.com.

  • TJ

    This reminds me of the time my younger brother almost gave my mother gout by saying he is over Catholicism–citing that Catholicism isn’t the religion of his African ancestors before they were captured and shipped (I hate how FedEx this is sounding) to Haiti.

    My mom’s response, “I’m just going to keep praying for him.” COMPLETE DENIAL.

    And I lowkey (read: highkey) understand where my brother is coming from and why some may feel the way he does. However, I know that my mother is already disappointed in the fact that I’m two days away from 26 and have no one special in my life. I’m not adding to her stress. And I was this close to being in a heated debate with her about how Jesus is NOT Caucasian. I hadn’t drink enough to entertain such discussion.

    Some Christians be zealous sometimes (read: a lot). As someone who identifies as a Christian, pay us no mind, please!

    • HeyBooHey

      Oh Lawd, Do NOT tell a Haitian anything about Catholicism or it lacking in your life. My whole bloodline was raised Catholic. I moved and started attending a Baptist church and eventually got baptized. Zealous ain’t the word for the reactions I got and there’s never enough liquor to discuss it

  • Vanity in Peril

    The dude is originally from Israel. Speaks Hebrew as his first language. Over the wkd we accidentally watched the back half of that Batman as Moses Gods n Kings movie where all the gods and the kings just so happened to look like a JCrew catalogue. After rolling his eyes and sucking his teeth for 15 minutes we cut it off, pulled out the Torah and translated word for word the story of Moses…and …the bibble (am I pronouncing that correctly?) has been butchered by man something like urry way but south.

    Then we watched Season 2 of Black Jesus cause that was a homie I could really see myself bangin with.

  • Baemie St. Patrick

    I’m not an Atheist but this does also apply when someone finds out you’re Agnostic. A ninja has questions and all hayle breaks loose.

    • Jym Small

      If you don’t believe gods exist you ARE an atheist. You’re almost certainly an agnostic atheist.

  • Charlie

    This is why I still fake being a Christian around family. I’m afraid things will never be the same.

    But living my truth unapologetically would feel a lot more fulfilling.

    • Sess Linsey

      Fuck that. My family knows and they know not to try me or they’ll get embarrassed

      • Sexy Atheist

        Yesss!

      • Justin Russell

        That’s what freaks many of my religious friends out… i know their religion better than they do

        • LAURENCE CHARLES RINGO

          Yeah….that’s the most boring lie atheists tell,and for the life of me I cannot understand why.I’ve been a born-again, blood-bought, Spirit-filled child / servant of Almighty God for 39 years,and I know NO atheist that knows the Christian Faith more than myself,or any reasonably well-informed Christian,for that matter.The”I know your faith better than you” is sheer,unadulterated nonsense,and I for one would be happy to give ANY atheist on this or any other site to PROVE IT.

          • Deanjay1961

            What is it that pride is supposed to go before?

            • Mitch W.

              Did you just prove him wrong?

          • Shaggy Sloan

            #UMadBro

            • Jasmine LuckyDragon Tirado

              they mad lol

          • Jasmin

            Was this satire?

          • Braggi

            OK, Laurence, what is the name of the God of the Bible? I mean the name he openly declares in the Bible. This is not a trick question. It’s in the Bible but I doubt you know what it is.

          • Elias Algorithm

            AHAHAHAHAHAHA

          • “that’s the most boring lie atheists tell”

            And THAT is the most OBVIOUS and laughable one Christians tell.

          • bionichead

            Why does your god allow people to be kept as slaves and why are slaves commanded to obey their slave-masters even if those slave-masters are abusive?

            Why does the Christian god command that gay people be murdered?

            • David Ferris

              Because the Bible was written by Bronze Age men.

              • watchemoket

                … and edited heavily by men of the “Dark Ages”

                • Epsilonicus

                  It aint stop just there

                • DeathWarmedOver

                  Why do you think there was a “Dark Ages”? ;)

                • Teleri

                  No – Constantine the Great (spit on him) demanded that the leaders of the Christian movement (which in the 4th century really was all over the map doctrinally) meet to create a unified belief (there’s your bunch of powerful old men) – that’s the Council of Nicea in 325 and THEY are the ones who picked the 4 gospels out of HUNDREDS of them – the rest were declared anathema & burned whenever possible. Some have survived – some were found (Dead Sea Scrolls, Gnostic gospels).
                  Jesus was Jewish – the only mention of him other than the Bible is in a list of crucified people (Jeshua ben Joseph) cause the Romans, they documented… – he was NOT important to them, & really just one of many itinerate preachers of that era in Palestine. The one that got crucified was most likely attached to John the Baptist & the Essenes so all the stories accrued about him – that’s how legends are built.
                  Anyway, far as I’m concerned (& as far as many of my atheist & agnostic friends who are into history feel as well) he is portrayed mainly as a man much like Gandhi – dealing w/a colonial power and w/an ancient, rigid, unyielding religion & religious hierarchy. What he & his ilk preached and taught is a FAR FAR cry from what those old men Constantine called together came up with to foist on the world.

                  • watchemoket

                    I agree almost completely. I don’t think anything in your post contradicts what I posted.

                    • Teleri

                      They weren’t Bronze Age :D for the new testament LOL That’s all.

                    • watchemoket

                      But David Ferris’ comment (to which I was replying) was not limited to the New Testament: “Because the Bible was written by Bronze Age men” was his post, which itself was a response to the comment “Why does your god allow people to be kept as slaves and why are slaves commanded to obey their slave-masters even if those slave-masters are abusive?” which was clearly Old Testament.

                    • Teleri

                      Not MY god, dear – I’m a dedicated priestess of Sulis-Minerva & have an altar to Pan-Apollo.

          • Technically “faith” is what you believe without the burden of “knowledge”, “proof”, “evidence” etc. So no one can know your “faith” better than you, not even other Christians if you’re consistent. What people can know about Christianity is it’s history; what the bible says; how it’s practiced, theology etc. But by calling it a “faith”, you actually submit to the fact that all those other things don’t matter, and that the only things that matter to you about Christianity, are the things that cannot be known, proved, or challenged…so you actually deceive yourself, when you ask people to “Prove it?” Proof and faith are incompatible, if not polar opposites.

            If God could be proven (which would mean God could be known and comprehended by the human mind) to exist, your entire faith would be destroyed.

          • Many Christians, Muslims, etc… don’t actually study the doctrines themselves… they let someone else interpret it for them. If you’ve not ever read any other book but “your own”, you can’t claim to know anything.. especially given the historical context of these books.

            For example, many stories in the Bible are regurgitated versions of existing literary works… I.e.. The 10 Commandments are almost exact verbiage of the Egyptian Book of The Dead.which predates it by 300 years. The story of Noah is literally verbatim to the “Epic of Gilgamesh”.

            But y’all ain’t heard that from me.

            • Jeff

              Maybe you should ask Mr. Ringo WHICH 10 commandments. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean the one about not boiling a goat in it’s mother’s milk…doubt he even knows that one.

            • Jim Jones

              > The story of Noah is literally verbatim to the “Epic of Gilgamesh”.

              Ziusudra -> Atrahasis -> Gilgamesh -> Noah

          • Well that’s a sucker’s bet if I ever saw one. I notice you haven’t replied to any of the half-dozen folks commenting on your answer.

          • Terry Firma
          • Bobby

            Inb4 you never come back to follow up on your claims.

          • Jim Jones

            Back at you.

            1. Name one person who met Jesus, spoke to him, saw him or heard him who wrote about the event, has a name and is documented outside of the bible (or any other gospels).

            2. If a member of a religion other than Christianity prays and their prayer is granted, who granted their prayer?

          • J Smart

            Facts are, sometimes, inconvenient to dogmatic agendas:

            http://www.pewforum.org/2010/09/28/u-s-religious-knowledge-survey/

            • 173LRRP

              The Romans considered Christians to be atheists since they did not beleve in all the gods

          • Croquet_Player
          • Anna

            It honestly depends on how one arrived at their atheism. I know atheists that are crazy knowledgeable about Christianity/Judaism/Islam because they grew up in one of those faiths, going to worship services and bible study every week (or multiple times a week), going to religious schools, etc., and paid more attention than a lot of their comrades because they were actively trying to figure out if this faith made sense to them. Because they spent so much time questioning, they mulled over what they were taught in greater detail than a lot of others. I know that I know a lot more about the bible than a lot of friends I grew up going to church with, as well as some family members (most definitely not all of them, but this is based on conversations with these friends/family over the past decade), and I am no expert at all. I think that’s what the above poster was trying to say – not that all atheists are more knowledgeable about other faiths than all the people practicing those faiths, but that there are a number of people who think that atheists don’t know anything about {insert religion here}, when a good number of them who grew up in that faith paid a lot of attention to the teachings when deciding whether it was right for them.

          • vorpal

            Many of us were Christians, and for many of us, a more detailed investigation of our former faith than most people ever engage in was a contributing factor to us leaving it.

            You may well know more about the bible and Christianity than I do, but I doubt you know much of anything about or have really considered any other religions. Please do prove me wrong, though.

    • Deeloveli

      This is my life. My atheist boyfriend at the time came home with me for Thanksgiving. My family “crucified” him for not having a church home. That was 4 years ago and they still bring him up. I’ve managed to avoid church for the last few years, but definitely faking it.

      • Brianna LaPoint

        meh, i wouldnt visit fam if they dont respect me.

      • Melanie Adams

        wow, i wish you could be honest with your family. when christians act like this, i always want to turn it around on them and wonder how they would respond if they came to your home and your friends attacked their views and “crucified” them? and still brought it up, years later? they would be outraged at being treated that way! jesus is turning over in his grave at the things being done in his name. and yes i was being facetious aboout jesus’s grave. lol i say be yourself and if they can’t respect that, then i wouldn’t be going home very often. something about your story really bugged me.

      • Luminya

        I understand completely. I am 60 and was raised in a fundamentalist family. I moved away and avoided most of them while raising my children. My sons are in their 30s now and they are atheists. They see how my family acts and they understand why I tried to shield them. I am at that age where it doesn’t matter so much what the family thinks of me but I don’t talk about my beliefs very much because of my inheritance. And the inheritance is not about me, but I need to pass it on to my children. They do not deserve to be cut out of their inheritance because they don’t “toe the line” about religion. (And yes my parents have threatened to cut us out of the will for other reasons, religion would definitely count as a good reason for them)

    • bionichead

      That’s not for me. I think I owe it to my family to tell the truth, so that they too can get out of the Christian Death Cult and lead productive lives. This is their one life. You have to love them enough to tell the truth regardless of how angry they will be.

      • DeathWarmedOver

        An atheist might call that honesty!

    • cryssi

      Live your truth. Family is supposed to love you no matter what. Christians are not here to condemn folks and make them feel some kind of way about us. I feel that pushes them farther away. I know I would exit if someone doesn’t respect my beliefs. Christians are supposed to love and show compassion to everyone. God gave us free will to forge our own paths, we should all really respect the roads that some may choose. I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable to be open with your family.

    • fxd8424

      Live your truth Charlie. Life is short.

  • LehcarB

    When I told my family I’m atheist their response was ” Well you’re still gonna have to answer to HIM on Judgement Day” THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS!

    • Liz

      I will never understand how it’s easier for believers to understand when someone is a member of a different religion, with different rules — and they can let go of that — but if one says one has NO religion, oh boy! lol

  • PunchDrunkLove

    I’m not certain who these browbeaters are, because as a Christian it’s NEVER my duty to change an unbeliever’s mind. I can accept anyone saying they don’t believe in God. Your stance, your business, your life. It is ONLY a Christian’s duty to be faithful to God, be a light to those LOOKING for the path, and defend the faith. Christ gave Matthew 7:6 for reason.

    • ReadyRoc

      Some times I feel like Christians today are being associated with the religious folk from people’s past.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Let me tell you, atheists scream bloody mary and STAY angry.. LOL They say you can’t judge me, yet they are THE main ones watching every little thing Christians do. SITTING.IN.JUDGEMENT. They always go digging through the bible for loopholes and faults…ain’t none. Just do you. You don’t need to justify or lean on a reason not to be. I’m #teamdoyou, but don’t go throwing rocks and stones at Christians because God means everything to us. God himself don’t bargin, beg nor bait folks. I dang shole ain’t doing it.

        • ReadyRoc

          It’s like they feel they have immunity from being judgmental.

          • PunchDrunkLove

            Mmm hmmm, you are so right.

        • Its crazy. It’s like I’ve been Christian my entire life, I know how to move in a room full of vultures from super religious to the staunchest non believers, meanwhile you just abandoned your faith like last year and still figuring it all out. Don’t worry about me, I got this.

          • PunchDrunkLove

            Exactly! I’m good.

    • Val

      “…because as a Christian it’s NEVER my duty to change an unbeliever’s mind…”

      But what about all the Christian missionaries? Isn’t it their mission to convert folks?

      • miss t-lee

        Not everyone feels that need. I know I don’t.

        • Val

          But I thought the missionary aspect was part of Christianity? No?

          • miss t-lee

            Evangelism is a part of it, yes.
            Missionary work is different.

            Plus any of that work is best left to clergy. That is not my portion.

            *I really don’t discuss religion unless asked, because most folks are stuck in their beliefs and that’s fine. It’s not my job to change anyone’s mind about what they feel. Just as if an atheist is trying to change my mind, that also ain’t gonna work.

            • IsitFridayyet?

              I avoid talking about religion like the plague.

              • miss t-lee

                Yup.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Me too….and then they still impose on me anyway

            • Val

              Okay, cool. But my question was more about Christianity in general. I mean there are thousands of Christian missionaries all around the world whose main mission is to convert non-Christians. That’s why I was asking. This seems central to Christianity. Am I wrong?

              • PunchDrunkLove

                Converting in the sense of compelling. That’s far removed from harrasing folks and getting on their nerves.

                • Val

                  Lol Who said anything about harassing? I’m not asking these questions out of any sort of hostility. I’m genuinely curious.

                  • PunchDrunkLove

                    LOL…I understand that you’re just asking. I didn’t mean to imply that. That was in regard to folks saying they’re sick having God pushed on them when they’re clearly going in a different direction

              • miss t-lee

                It is central, no you’re aren’t wrong. However everyone isn’t compelled to do so.
                Some do work on a local level, some work globally, some don’t at all.

                • Val

                  Thanks.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Of course. :)

              • nillalatte

                I see your point, and I will agree. No other religion I know of actively recruits converts as Christianity. In fact, there are religions that actively avoid recruits. If you weren’t born into the religion, you can’t join that religion. So, no, you are not wrong.

                Thank my instructor in my Comparative World Religions course. If anyone ever gets a chance to take such a course, do it. It’s fascinating.

                • Val

                  Thanks..

                • Epsilonicus

                  That’s because Christians are Jewish castaways

                  • nillalatte

                    Hmmm… castaways? On what do you base your opinion?

                    • Epsilonicus

                      This gonna be long.

                      1. There was a lot of messianic activity at the time of Jesus. However, all those movements were considered radical and non-mainstream. They may have been popular but weren’t considered mainstream Jewish thought.

                      2. We essentially follow the Pauline tradition (based on Paul the Apostle). Without too much details he essentially tried to bogart Christianity and move it from being a Jewish sect into its whole own thing by adding Gentiles.

                      If you look at the letters to all the different congregations. He did not just write them bc he wanted to speak to his spiritual family. He wrote them bc he was in the middle of a theological fight with James, brother of Jesus. James was essentially the leader of the Jesus movement since he was the living male relative of Jesus. James was trying to keep the Jesus movement as essentially Jewish while Paul was diversifying the movement. James recalled Paul to Jerusalem and gave him a speaking to. Then basically sent him out in the world. Little did he know that Paul would end up creating the mainline thought for the Jesus movement.

                    • nillalatte

                      Interesting. Thanks for that. :)

              • LMNOP

                Missionaries generally (depends on the denomination though) aim to do needed work and follow Jesus’ example of serving other people. For some groups there is an evangelizing component to it, but not always.

              • Epsilonicus

                t is incredibly central. Without it, Christianity would have died out as just another messianic Jewish sect in the first century AD.

                If you read the actual gospels, Paul lays out that it is the duty of all Christians to evangelize. Now whether they practice that order is a whole other discussion.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        When people tell they aren’t interested in God, knowing God, converting, etc., you leave that alone.

  • Pinks

    You forgot this one:

    Compel them to convert by shouting that they, and their ungodly offspring, will forever perish among the hellfire and brimstone because of their sins.

    • ReadyRoc

      Who still does that under age 50?

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        The new converts. So hardcore.

        • ReadyRoc

          And they will be back in the them streets if they go too hard for Jesus and get burnt out.

        • Snownova

          Oh yes, the freshly converted are way more pushy than the old-timers. The main thing that older Christians usually have going for them is parental guilt.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            New converts made me hate Christianity more than I ever could from the older heads. Mainly because their logic and will are faulty.

            • Snownova

              Not to mention how mind-boggling it is for someone with adult faculties to buy into that nonsense. I mean you can’t blame a person for being brainwashed as a child, but to made a conscious adult decision to believe fairy tales…

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                That’s the funnier part. Children accept information from adults because they have no frame of reference. Adults however, accept information without question when they’ve lost their ability to reason and believe in themselves. Its always the people who did some self-degrading s h i t that are the ones to pour themselves into a religion and talk about it like a gassed up groupie 4 months later.

                • Snownova

                  Quite true, for most late in life converts, religion is just the latest addiction in a long line of mistakes.

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    Indeed, but it is masked in the air of a blessing.

                    • Snownova

                      Churches have better PR reps than crack dealers.

              • Teleri

                AGAIN – you agree that you don’t like others whaling on YOUR beliefs – but somehow it’s fine to knock other people’s? I’m sorry, just because some Christians have been nasty to you doesn’t make it ok to act the same. That’s called hypocrisy.
                I’m a witch by the way – so don’t assume I’m defending the Christians per se. They BURNED us… still do in parts of the world.

                • Snownova

                  Goodness no, they can whale on my beliefs (or rather lack thereof) all they want, but they could at least try to bring arguments that are less than 1000 years old to the game. Any belief that cannot stand scrutiny or challenge isn’t worth having.

                  I strongly believe that freedom of speech and freedom from discrimination should always trump freedom of religion.

                  • Teleri

                    I do agree with you – I’m not talking about discussions on beliefs but on ad hominem arguments. In other words its not the debate but the name-calling.
                    BTW, fairy tales happen to contain a lot from MY religion – don’t knock them. They are excellent teaching tools if you really know what they are & how to use them….

                    • johnitis

                      I’m sorry, but you are actually as obnoxious as a christian. Your’s isn’t the only form of spirituality or culture that relies on fairy/folk tales to pass on lessons. You aren’t the first person to declare themselves a “witch” and I can’t see what you’re actually adding to the conversation.

                    • johnitis

                      And solstices don’t happen because of fucking witches.

                    • Teleri

                      And someone said they DID, you fool? OMG. You are such a rude, smarmy little person. How old are you? 14? Sheesh. You insist on your way or the highway and then are hypocrite enough to decry the same attitude in, say, Christians or Muslims. OMG you make my head hurt.

                    • johnitis

                      Yes, I’m 14, which is why I am laughing so hard at you taking all of that out of an 8 word comment. Stop before I put a curse on you.

      • Pinks

        Plenty folk!

      • LaFrancia

        I see it a lot with the “born-agains”.

      • kerensa Baker

        Actually it is the “new” born again radicals that do this, and they are almost all under 50. Now they are led by people 50 ish or more, but these fanatics are the life blood of any fanatical and extremist cult, and they always shout the loudest and threaten the most violently.

      • Teleri

        You’d be shocked.

  • Vanity in Peril

    I love when religious folks reply, “Oh, so you think you have it ALL figured out, huh?”

    Ummmmm no, I think you are confusing me with you.

    • Jeff

      Seriously. And couple that with, “So you don’t believe in anything greater than yourself?”

      Which I take to mean they believe that aside from their God they are the greatest thing in the universe.

      • Mark Malone

        One asked me if I believed in a higher power. I said no. They asked who controls my life. I said I do. They said “then you believe you are the higher power.” I said “No. I believe that I control my life, and ONLY my life.

        • alexinfinite

          It’s shocking how fast they manage to leap to conclusions like that. Was accused of self worship for saying I get my morality from myself.

    • Sherwin Marcelle

      This made me snort

    • Kehl

      Ironically it appears you’re preaching to the choir.

  • h.h.h. Aka Scrooge McTiger
    • This is your favorite gif isn’t it? Lol

      • h.h.h. Aka Scrooge McTiger

        it fits so many of these posts

    • Cleojonz

      I really don’t want a person that makes these kinds of faces to be president lol. Have you noticed that all photos of him have him frozen with the goofiest of expressions?

      • h.h.h. Aka Scrooge McTiger

        sometimes you need your commander in chief to give you goofy looks, because what your saying, is rubbish *shrug*

  • KB

    Lissen, you just spoke all my life struggles with this post. Each one of those points I have dealt with being the only atheist in my family. I can’t complain too much though, as the reaction I got from my family was not the one I expected when I told them that I’m an atheist. They still showed me love and support, which is more than I can say for some of my friends, who some have been straight ostracized and disowned by family members. I don’t even have the time nor patience for these discussions anymore, as I like to keep my sanity. For the most part they let me live my life, but every so often a family member starts to go on one of their tirades about the “perils of being an atheist”, to which I just throw on some trap music and tune them out. The “say you’ll turn to god when you’re down on your luck” response is probably the most annoying and infuriating one that I get. It’s as if they’re secretly wishing something bad happens to me that will lead me back to their beloved jesus. Nah son, F*CK UP OUT MAH FACE!!

    • Baemie St. Patrick

      God blessin all the trap ninjas.

      • KB

        That may or may not be my current anthem (ironically of course).

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