"I should have been nicer. Maybe I could have kept a man. All those lace thongs and all I used them for was this curtain. What a waste. I'm dusty."
[***DISCLAIMER #1: Read the post. Don't just react to the title. It ain't single BLACK woman syndrome. I know the title alone just got some thongs in a bunch. - The Mgmt***]
First off, I don’t make Black music. I don’t make white music. I make fight music, for high school kids. Oh, and shots fired.
Second, a definition.
Single Woman Syndrome. noun. a pathological set of behaviors that some women actively engage in that 9 times out of 10 ensures a life of unkilled kittens and grown cats. Not limited to dating, most women who actively exhibit the characteristics of the syndrome tend to be low on friends as well.
[***DISCLAIMER #2: All single women do not have single woman syndrome (as defined). I REPEAT, all single women do not have Single Woman Syndrome.***]
I know a lot of single women. And for the life of me, I can’t understand why the bulk of them are single. They’re good women with great personalities, attractive, they smile, and all seem to be up for some chandelier monkey sex (not that I know from personal experience. A jiggaboo I am not.). I attribute a lot of it to location, the point most of us are in life, blah blah blah. There are lots of reasons basically. And that sucks for them. I’m not trying to cry for them Argentina or anything, but I do hate to see a good set of ovaries going unloved.
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, we got this other sh*t. Let’s just be blunt. We all know a lot of single women who seem to be hellbent on ensuring that they stay that way. Some of them look and act like they eat children (no punt intended) for breakfast and drink WD-40 for lunch. Some are as unassuming as unassuming can be until they sneak up on you and start throwing more red flags at you than Lil Wayne at a communist smoker. And the red flags come. They’re the national symbol of a woman inflicted with Single Woman Syndrome. Antoine Dodson had on a red bandana. Do you know why? Because he has single woman syndrome.
Interesting enough, the same characteristics of SWS are the very ones women hate the most about their friends. Also, just to be fair, two things: 1) a lot of women who exhibit these symptoms manage to get a man, they just can’t keep one; and 2) a lot of men enable this behavior and even encourage it, which is how all these women manage to snag men while their single friends are left scratching their heads wondering if all men really do like crazy broads. It’s a vicious cycle really. Men suck, and we let women who suck be great. At sucking.
PUN.
Here are the signs of a chick with single woman syndrome:
1. Ruled by emotions
Emotions aren’t a bad thing. We all have them. There are entire songs dedicated to them and a popular singing group from the 60s was called The Emotions. They’re everywhere like a child of Antonio Cromartie. The problem is when certain women allow their emotions to guide all of their actions only to have to undo the damage later. Basically, we’re talking about the kind of people who will read the title of this post, comment on the title alone, and then wonder what the f*ck everybody else is talking about since I’m not slamming all women. Yeah, them ni**as. And it’s not that these women are averse to logic. Au contraire Michelle, my belle. In every other facet of life they can be quite logical and exact. But when it comes to the heart, all bets are off. He doesn’t answer the phone in time? Show up at his house and murder him. The first time something like that happens, you can usually laugh it off, but once you realize that a chick is ALWAYS responding that way, eeees no bueno.
2. Constant complainer
“Hey baby, its 75 degrees outside without a cloud in the sky and the federal government is giving out a free million to everybody to show us how much they appreciate us!”
“It would have been better if it was 80 degrees with at least like one cloud to cover the sun. And it better not rain. And a free million? They couldn’t give us two? Why are you calling me so early?”
“It’s 2pm. I love you.”
“Wait til 230pm next time. Love is fleeting booboo. And why are these kids outside my window doing math on the sidewalk? They can’t take that education inside?”
3. Always put you on the stand
When dating, the worst thing that can happen is to be dealing with somebody who does not know how to trust. It’s not that they don’t want to, they just don’t know how. Even a woman dating the most terrible of guys somehow manages to trust him at some point. Not these women. Nope. Even if the guy has done nothing to ever be untrustworthy, the first time broham even does something remotely off center, she’s got him on the stand defending himself. “I knew if I left you alone long enough you’d take that last cookie!!!!” “Baby, I took it out to give it to you…” “LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAR” “No, it has your name monogrammed now…I love you.” “LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR”
4. Victims
I don’t mean like stabbing victims. I mean the type of woman who is never at fault. If something doesn’t go right, it’s because somebody else ruined it for her. Always. It’s not that dude did anything wrong, it’s just that dude didn’t do anything right either. And now he has to suffer for it. Not that he would know anyway, his girl is complaining remember? There was nothing he could have done right in the first place.
5. My way or the highway attitude
Similar to always having to take the stand comes the perspective problem. Basically, their perspective is THE one that matters. If you step outside of that, you either need to fix your prollem boss or justify why you made this mistake this time.
The interesting thing about these symptoms is that the friends of these women hate these things too and are usually quick to “forget” to invite them out or remember that they exist.
And why don’t these same issues apply to men? I mean, men are just as guilty of all these things as women are are, right? Right? Of course we are, but somehow, a completely flawed man can end up married without problem to a woman he’s about to ruin. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, women are just better people.
Well, at least those who don’t exhibit SWS.
It’s real in the field.
Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke? Marijuana. Are there more characteristics? And if so, what? Does Panama hate love?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. I HATE LOVE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Truth!!! Finally some fire on here.
Finally?
o_0 I thought there always was
Right, are you alleging that Panama’s arson attempt was only blowing smoke? lol
*rimshot swag*
right…is that shots fired? lol.
I think what the person meant was… this post is much more inherently controversial than the past few. The neck rolls are on a hundred thousand trillion before people get to the disclaimer(s).
Neck rolls on a hundred thousand trillion – LOL. This amused me.
*pauses for a moment*
Couldn’t a hundred thousand trillion neck rolls, all in unison, change the course of the world?
earth would end up with a serious gangsta lean.
Tsunami
Implosion.
I’m sure it would fuk up its rotation… we prolly gain at least .9849 of a second added back to time
this has to be the most hilarious thread in the history of hilarious threads.
*goes to check*
@sistapoet,
Please report back with results. SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS!
but its not controversial…i got disclaimers and ERYTHING!!!
i would have had a blast reading the comments had the disclaimers not been there…
but God stepped in and saved you from yourself.
i was trying to reduce the impending f*ckery.
job well done.
Methinks someone was pressed lol!!
The caption for the pic killed me inside.
at least it didnt try to touch you on the inside.
lol! Good One
I love the disclaimer, cuz you already know. hahahahaha
you know….i actually toyed around with just removing those disclaimers and seeing just how hard in the paint ninjas might go. but then i got caught up watching the games and forgot.
Yeah, I would’ve loved to see how the post went without the declaimers…and then just throw them up in the comments somewhere…at 11:59pm…right before the next post drops.
Otherwise known as “pulling a Champ?”
Q: Are there more characteristics? And if so, what?
A: They listen to Keyshia Cole music on a daily basis…**shots fired**
But see, this is a chicken and egg thing to me. I feel like Keyshia Cole might not have an audience if they didn’t first identify with her. And for that to happen, they would have had to grown into their single woman syndromeness before Keyshia knowing who she was. It’s not like she started singing and they were all wowed by her singing and just decided, “hey, I’m going to connect with this woman just because”.
Old Keyshia is the ultimate soundtrack to single woman problems.
New Keyshia is engaged and a mommy now, so she’s different. (at least her music is)
#co-sign. Keyshia’s fan base when she first started was ridden with hoodrats who copied her hairstyles (memba this? http://www.hilaryshepherd.com/rantsnraves/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/keyshia-cole-illiterate.jpg), tats that cover the ENTIRE bicep and those with SWS. The 3 are not mutually exclusive. Ménage à trois.
Kelis = Single Woman Syndrome Music
…then she made a “milkshake,” brought Nas to the yard and earned herself some alimony.
I found those tattoos on women to be a turn off. Its like, you’re cute and all but then you have this huge, gaudy tattoo on your arm. I’ll pass
Perfect. That’s exactly what makes women with tatoos get more dates…
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-mathematics-of-beauty/
KC’s second CD was fire! #thatisall
Please, Keyshia Cole ain’t nothing but some Mary J. Blige lite.
“That ain’t nothin’ but a ultra perm”, huh?
(Sorry, I heard that in my head as I read your comment)
So are they bitter because they’re alone? Or are they alone because they’re bitter?
hmmmmm… OR did the chicken cross the road to get to the other? Or was there another side so the chicken could cross the road?… hmmm? Think about it.
The chicken crossed the road ’cause two hungry ninja was walking up behind him. #TwoPieceBeDamned
quits the dr for this one.
The Chicken crossed the road to borrow 10 dollars from her baby daddy. #justajokerelax
one may never know.
add monica’s music to the single woman soundtrack of love
and Jazmine Sullivan….and any John Mayer song from his Continuum cd…lol
“I don’t trust myself when loving you” game proper!!
“I don’t trust myself loving you” is the song I dedicate to any future boyfriend I have. oh and “push” by matchbox 20. yeah, continuum is the ish, though that’s more Single Man syndrome soundtrack…
jazmine sullivan is single woman music if i’ve ever heard it.
Beyonce had chicks all across the country throwing up a finger to ‘Single Ladies’.
…but she was married tho.
LMAO.
Yes!
and that Waiting to Exhale soundtrack. I have friends who started a fight and/or broke up with their BFs after listening to that soundtrack. It still touches my soul to the point where I don’t listen to ANY song off that album (yes, I said album)…
“I have friends who started a fight and/or broke up with their BFs after listening to that soundtrack.”
I laughed at this one. My mother bangs that CD hard to this day.
Yep, she’s single.
LOL. Poor moms. It’s that soundtrack! One day I was riding in the car and one of those songs came on (can’t think of the name, but it starts ‘Can’t believe it’s real. Can’t believe it’s true…’) and I was just singing it. Then, all of a sudden I got sad. Like check myself sad. And I was trying to figure out what the heck happened to me – and remembered that song is off the soundtrack.
That ish is mad sad…iCant
“and one of those songs came on (can’t think of the name, but it starts ‘Can’t believe it’s real. Can’t believe it’s true…’)”
Faith Evans – Kissing You
Go ahead and stab me, why don’t you? Lol
That’s right. Faith…that song, that song!
i’ll give it to the power of music to motivate women to make certain decisions. lol. sometimes bad ones…but at least they’re making decisions.
Ya, listening to Mariah Carey for an hour will have you calling your ex on some “Always Be My Baby” sh*t. Have to be careful when listening to her, LOL.
Mariah’s got some sad joints, too, though. On vacation one year, me and a couple of my friends were playing the Emancipation of Mimi CD and that Mine Again joint had one of my friends in tears. Like, she just couldn’t listen to it! So, we turned it and when I went back (after vacay of course) to listen to the lyrics, that ish is mad sad. If you ever lost one and are wishing they could be yours again…don’t listen to that song.
LOL, I can’t listen to her rendition of “Open Arms”. That one has me crying too. Yes, Mariah will have you feeling all kinda ways.
I think “looking in” is one of mariah’s saddest song 2
Old school Mariah, second CD “Can’t Let Go.”
I put that on a breakup CD back in the day and damn near ran my car off the road listening. I cannot listen to that song when in pain.
This one right HERE! “Looking In” had me depressed all through high school…
Along with “My All”…actually went through a high school breakup with that video playing in the background…smh….
add Toni Braxton Secrets CD….doesnt get more depressing than that!
I would add mary j blige to this single woman soundtrack also
Peace. #4 and #5 are what I hate the most. And I think what the two of them have in common is that they’re both rooted in a false sense of entitlement. Me no likely false senses of entitlement.
Indeed. And a woman with a sense of entitlement will try to flex that sh*t to no end. Or at least until they realize the world doesn’t revolve them. Some reform…the rest stay single.
Looking at that list, 84% of the women I know who have those characteristics are married. To be fair, a third of them had shotgun weddings. another third have had shotgun divorces and that last third, their spouses meet their crazy pound for pound. Part of it is that a lot of men value these behaviors because it’s how their mothers showed them love. If a woman isn’t ‘insert the above list’ she doesn’t love him. Makes perfect sense.
I agree. I have noticed that most of the married women in my family exhibit EVERY. SINGLE. thing on that list. Like nothing on there is even exaggerated
And this is encouraging men to pursue relationships because…
See above. Those men are looking for women like their mothers. And a man’s mother is usually the first person to define ‘acceptable’ behaviors for a man. You go to that wedding reception and when the mother is setting the bartender straight, cursing about who didn’t RSVP, and overall acting uncivilized, then you look at the bride doing the exact same things, it all makes perfect sense.
“You go to that wedding reception and when the mother is setting the bartender straight, cursing about who didn’t RSVP, and overall acting uncivilized, then you look at the bride doing the exact same things, it all makes perfect sense.”
Excellent observation! Women marry their fathers (or lack there of) and men marry their mothers.
I’ll have to agree to a certain extent. I don’t think I necessarily look for my mom’s traits, but my ex had a lot of them. My Godmother, upon meeting her, said I had an Oedipus complex. The future Mrs. Brown can’t be 100% like my mom, but I’d sure take 80…as I imagine most VSBs would.
@B.Brown,
Mother is the prototype, she shapes your world and lays the foundation for what is acceptable from opposites.
As for you ladies, same thing goes for y’all with daddy.
My father is constantly warning me to avoid women with daddy issues. There is a reason. Young girls don’t end up with Old guys for nothing. They don’t stay with abusers for nothing. They’ve been programmed to accept it.
@Ms. Smart people either migrate to what they know or the polar opposite… lol
so for those that migrate towards it? I totally agree with the below statement:
“Those men are looking for women like their mothers. And a man’s mother is usually the first person to define ‘acceptable’ behaviors for a man. You go to that wedding reception and when the mother is setting the bartender straight, cursing about who didn’t RSVP, and overall acting uncivilized, then you look at the bride doing the exact same things, it all makes perfect sense.”
Respectfully disagree. Those quote-unquote values aren’t preferred by men, they overlooked in favor of other attributes…
…usually physical ones.
(IMO) No dude values irrationality, perpetual pessimism, insecurity, unaccountability, and/or intransigence, and I doubt any of these values are ones that men identify in their mothers which they subsequently seek out.
interesting point. but i wonder if the physical attractiveness (and perhaps other attributes) really substantiate a dude’s willingness to stay with a woman who otherwise exhibits distasteful qualities. my guess is that no “@zz” is fine enuff for a dude to stay with a chick who is perpetually irrational/pessimistic/ etc.
so, on some psychosocial level, some dudes really do tend to be attracted to those qualities to which they’ve been significantly exposed during childhood. but not just men, but also women. this is evidenced by people who tend to keep “falling for” the same “type” who subject them to all manner of unacceptable behavior…
so maybe someone needs to do a post on Single Person Syndrome. cuz we ALL definitely have homies who lament that they can’t find a good, drama-free woman.
my guess is that no “@zz” is fine enuff for a dude to stay with a chick who is perpetually irrational/pessimistic/ etc.
that’s real spit right thur. we’ve said it before here. ain’t no woman fine enough to justify dealing with complete and utter bullsh*t. lol.
Cosign tha house, car AND personal loan on that one homie…
Pls, don’t forget about the “Victim”. Boy, do I know about tha victim!
“that’s real spit right thur. we’ve said it before here. ain’t no woman fine enough to justify dealing with complete and utter bullsh*t. lol.”
Yeah Yeah Yeahhhh… But guess what though, alot of men do because deep down they love that roller coaster ride and they don’t want to get off. POW!!!
Yeah Yeah Yeahhhh… But guess what though, alot of men do because deep down they love that roller coaster ride and they don’t want to get off. POW!!!
exactly. tell. dem. again.
Yeah Yeah Yeahhhh… But guess what though, alot of men do because deep down they love that roller coaster ride and they don’t want to get off. POW!!!
WRONG.
it may be wrong from your point of view Tx…but not from another.
for ever friend you have that walks away, there is at least one of your peeps you know is caught on a merry-go-round with an ex because of multiple reasons.
True Keisha
BUT, I don’t know any mature, emotionally stable men that WANT to stay on that ride. They’re just not sure how to get off. all I’m sayin…
@Tx
regardless of the reason WHY…they still CHOOSE to do so.
*shrugs…
They’re just not sure how to get off. all I’m sayin…
Same Difference.
They’re just not sure how to get off. all I’m sayin…
-AYE YOOOO! Then don’t get on, yuh dig!… If I didn’t know how to get off… *tear while guitar weeps*
@Tx10
Me no tink you and me speak-a duh same “gettin off”. heh.
Chuuch!!!
-AYE YOOOO! Then don’t get on, yuh dig!… If I didn’t know how to get off… *tear while guitar weeps*
lol. Ok, SOMETIMES you have no idea how rough that rollercoaster ride is gonna be UNTIL you get on it. For yrs people would say how bad Texas Cyclone @ SixFlags in Houston was a real monsta but you would you REALLY know until you rode it for yourself?!?
Ooops I did that wrong… here it go:
@Tx10
Me no tink you and me speak-a duh same “gettin off” language. heh.
Maybe not value, but they find those things acceptable. I’ve never been a man but I’ve dated and observed. No matter the reason a man couples with these women, the bottom line is that a lot of men are choosing to reward the brand of dysfunction P described. You say it’s looks. I say it’s then having a family history of foolishness. It’s probably both along with some other reasons.
I’m not quite so sure I agree. I definitely understand what you’re saying, but I’m more in line to agree with DQ. It could be looks, but I also question jus how many men accept the attributes you list. Maybe you’re right, and that a lot of them do. But I guess that’d mean I’m out of touch since I’m not real cool with any of these brothers.
i dont know…neither of my mamas (who both had a hand in raising me) seem to exhibit insane woman tendencies. granted, i dont see a lot of what goes on and i was the boy so i was out most of the time. but not a single woman i’ve dated has exhibited any of the tendencies i associate with my mothers.
and i’m talking about the crazy broads, which, i seem to have a habit of dating.
I do not at all discount your life experience, I’m just observing my own. In my experience, we are attracted physically first then emotionally and intellectually next. We reward asthetics, and tolerate the emotional and/or intellectual deficiencies as they are slowly revealed…
….well that is, until we can’t tolerate them anymore. State’s Exhibit A:
Ms. Halle Berry. Emphasis on Ms.
While I do not necessarily believe it is all Halle’s fault she is the way she is, the net result (at least on the surface from someone who doesn’t know her) is Halle is @#$%ed up. And after her string of broken relationships I doubt that there is any man out there worth his sack that would pursue a long term relationship with her… we’ve seen the inner ugly – it exceeds the outer beauty.
State’s Exhibit B – Karrine Stephans (AKA Supahead). Real talk, that is a physically attractive woman. Even now. On the inside, she is darker than the devil’s shadow. What man is pursuing a long term relationship with her? Oh by the way – that’s Ms. Karrine Stephans.
The point of all of this is to say, I don’t think we reward these values/attributes that Panama named. We loathe them, there’s a reason why single women exhibit them. That doesn’t mean we won’t put up with some nonsense to be in relationship… hell telling me about your problems and expecting me NOT to solve them is nonsense – but I deal with it. And if we men aren’t perfect (understatement) how can we expect you all to be? But I honestly I don’t think we are seeking these flawed women out, more like we’re attracted to the physical, get invested, and then the crazy is slowly unleashed, in small installments. Some men stick it out and stay, some don’t. That’s not winning or losing. That’s just life.
In closing,
Hakuna Matata
And let the church say “Amen.”
Yeah those stages of attraction are def true. I’ve seen them work for me and my homies as well. And yes, the crazy does come out slowly and usually after you’re hooked. This coincides with the period after which a couple becomes “comfortable” with each other and women stop putting on the front that most of yall put on to attract us menfolk. (we men def do it too, btw)
I mean no one deliberately shows off their crazy to someone that they like, but after they’ve become comfortable in that relationship with the object of their affection, all of a sudden crazy person start to hate pineapples, chew gum with their mouth open, can’t stand to be told that they are wrong, and believes that somehow monkeys control the earth. The kicker for us men regarding dealing with women with SWS, is when she shows off that crazy.
For most men, I feel like if it happens in the first year or so in a relationship, then most will leave that girl and her crazy to be picked up by some other poor sap. However, if you’re deeper into a relationship, (1.5, 2, 3 years) and the crazy starts to show then depending on how bad the crazy is, you may stay and try to work around it. Of course, this all depends on how old we are and what we’re looking for at the moment. (casual dating, relationship, relationship leading to marriage, etc.)
There are men out here 35+ who tell women they don’t believe they love them because they never show their asses. Oh how I wish I was making this up. Those men just don’t tell their friends that they NEED some uncontrolled crazy emotional chick to make them feel ‘loved’. Instead, they go into the streets telling their friends stories about how crazy the woman is. Whenever a man tells me a woman has done something we all agree is crazy, I immediately ask, what happened 24 hours beforehand. THAT’S when the truth comes out. Sure she may have cut off the left sleeve of every one of your suit jackets but you had sex with her business partner in her bed.
DQ,
You writing prose is refreshing. Very logical, strategic and analytical. I am finding these woman folks have a harder time “keeping up”, lol.
I know guys who seek out and provoke drama because it validates them as men
lol @ your name “wild cougar”
How old are they? I don’t know any dudes in their 30′s who would fall into that category. Dealing with everything else life throws our way, peace in our relationships are paramount.
I’m not sure if men are their relationship selves with their boys.
that’s real right there.. and women are not with their girls.. we have NO idea what the people are like.. in a relationship
COSIGN!!!!
I almost dated one of those bipolar smucks. Men can’t spot them in their ranks because they seem pretty average. And since many men have at least 1 crazy chic story, the smucks can justify their “I’m not crazy, she’s crazy” outlook.
Dudes like to pretend that women are the only ones who get into toxic relationships. Plenty of grown men attract these types of women because of their own issues. I see it all the time. Men need to stop fronting. These women marry just as often as everybody else. Why? Because men love them and stay with them. Not in spite of their craziness, but because of it. Ever heard of Captain save-a-ho?
And we’re off…
every time i hear somebody say this…i immediately think of the break/skit in the middle of de la soul “peas porridge” where the two commentators break down a fight between de la soul and some cats at one of their shows.
btw, you know what ISN’T SWS? a woman who loves the album de la soul is dead. she’s panama marriage materal.
*crickets* #hehe
exactly….
NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pissh… you’re a 3.
I didn’t mean that… sorwee. I suffer from Sour Patch-itis.
I had that De La Soul poster!!
I am most definitely guilty of doing all of the above at some point in my life. Thank God I recognize it now and have changed up a bit. SMH So many failed relationships.
recognized failure is the first step towards making it rain towards holleration.
~old black man proverb
Rehabilitation is real.
I wrote something a long time ago entitled “dumb broad syndrome” and this sounds a lot like it. (no copyright infringement doe).
Anyway, more to add:
1. He can’t do anything right….which is not the same as constantly complainer. The thing is, in her mind, he can’t do anything right. If he picks her up from work, she’s made he didn’t fill the tank. If he goes down on her, she’s made he didn’t stay longer. SMH…it’s a no win situation for him and he usually cheats or breaks up with her. And she’s still wondering why.
2. Listens to her friends/family who are bitterly single…notice I didn’t say just “single” but bitterly single. You know that ones…men ain’t sh*t, baby daddy ain’t sh*t and the like. Yet she’s the beacon of advice and logic when you and your man get into it??? Yeah right. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER listen to those women. They are single for a reason and they’d love for you to join the club.
3. They don’t have any male friends…men tend to be more straight up than women. And even when women are straight with each other, it’s something about a man saying something about another man or giving advice that makes us sit up and take notice. If a woman can’t find any dude who can ride or die for her, then something is amiss. It can be a family member, long time guy friend or even an ex…but not having one is a red flag.
That’s all for now. Nite!
Agreed on all those points.
Never take advice from a bitter single chick.
Right. And usually that bitter single chick is bitter, single, AND jealous, and she secretly hates your guts.
*NodsHeadinAgreement*
But we love her anyway right. Gaaaaah. Girl code sucks. Sometimes I want to just say neener neener neener and tell them jealous girls to kick rocks. But then I’d be stuck up.
First comment on here… kind of geeked…
I cannot agree more on these three right here…
The bitter single chick was salty the moment I got into a relationship- looking for all kinds of dirt on dude I was with… and when he wanted to treat me to a special B-day, she tried to make me choose between him and her… Craziness… actually he often joked that she liked me, but her bitterness ran deep, needless to say she and I arent friends anymore.. tooo much to handle.
And to add to the bitterness thing coupled with daddy issues, I think the NAG should be listed on there as well…
I have seen a nag, NAG the hell out of her boyfriend in front of me, and I cringed, especially as I could not go anywhere (stuck in the backseat), but seriously… having a nag for a mother and seeing this madness go down- I refuse.
What I notice about your list, which is also similar to Panama’s, but that these women love to be angry. Almost as if they’re not happy unless they’re angry and the world around them is angry as well. Poisonous, I tell you.
Exactly, which is why I said they aren’t complainers, they just are…dare I say, angry.
*I can see the subsequent posts now*
Disclaimer—Not all women, especially not black women, are angry. The ones I’m referring to seem to be though. Please read in context. Thank you.
*Lol* @ all of these disclaimers. People gonna read what they wanna read, no matter if you clarify or not. Just let them assume & make a fool of themselves, it makes for great entertainment *lol*.
Exactly.
+1
About this, tho, I wasn’t even thinking about black women when you said this. I was jus thinking of women in general, and people in general. There are jus some people who love to be angry all the time.
Quite exhausting, is more like it…
I dont have the energy or time to be all kinds of angry… I do not get it. They should go sit in a corner for timeout.
Bitterness loves company
wait…you have a blog? where dat iz?
btw…the “he can’t do anything right?” has been the story of some of my relationships. not that i was doing everything right. but damn, can a brotha get any credit anywhere. i dont cheat doe. i just stick around until i cant stick around no more. which is generally worse for both parties involved. like a snowball rolling down a hill, i’m growing.
“like a snowball rolling down a hill, i’m growing.”
#ThingsExtenzeEndorsersSay
I don’t have any male friends that I’m really close with. And probably never will. Now I am single. But I still don’t get how that is a factor. Men typically don’t want to be friends with me. I don’t know why I’m not guyfriend material but I’m not. They either want something else or want nothing at all. No friendship, nothing. Not to make it sound like I’m a jump cuz I’m definitely a virgin. I’m sure it would be nice to have a guyfriend who I’m real cool with but eh. Can you further explain how that means something is wrong with me?
and for the mens out there…why don’t yall wanna be my friend? =)
*why don’t yall wanna be my friend? =)*
Cause word on the street is you didn’t vote for Obama. I’m not spreading rumors or anything, I’m just repeating a completely unsubstantiated piece of information about a person I don’t know.
not only did I vote for obama but I volunteered with his campaign!! Start letting people know so I can get my membership into the ‘most of my friends are dudes, I don’t get along with females’ club. Cuz my whole life I’ve been in the ‘all my friends are women and I can’t get a guy to give me the time of day’ club.
and for the mens out there…why don’t yall wanna be my friend? =)
sorry hun..but, unless they have NO interest in having chexual relations…they aren’t trying to be your friend. unless you have a hot friend they want to smang..then whole different story!
Tell ‘em, KB!
Men have enough friends, involuntarily, we ain’t tryin to actively make more women friends. #HustinBackwards
i thank you for the co-sign stank-o.
for some odd reason, dudes want to shout from rooftops that i’m wrong. um. sir.. i have boobies. you want them. let’s move on.
No man wants to be your friend. Men and women become friends because men try to approach and somehow/someway the other shoe never drops. So he does still like you but there’s no longer an appropriate place to convey his affection = friend zone. Has a man every seen a woman and thought “man, I’d like to be her friend”? Maybe in the history of history this has happened but I ain’t hearda dat.
You’re right. I just grew up around a lot of men so that’s why I say there needs to be some go-to man who can tell it to you like it is. I mentioned that he could be a relative as well. Just someone close enough to you to give it to you raw (no chexual relations involved doe)
Maybe I shouldn’t have said “friend” but “go-to” guy instead.
I also should have added “initally”. I believe even if the initial intention wasn’t friendship, that friendship can develop over time. And there are situations where people are thrown together and forced, effectively, to be friends. I agree with your point though. The male perspective can be totally skewed a different direction. You think you’re doing right and you’re really destroying the whole relationship LOL.
I have a decent amount of guy friends but I think it’s easier to make them when you’re growing up, in college, work, or know through another friend. Otherwise you tend to run into the problem (as others have said) of people of the opposite sex just wanting to chill with you for one reason.
“and for the mens out there…why don’t yall wanna be my friend? =)”
as was stated more eloquently by others…
i’m looking for a girlfriend/wife…
not a friend that’s a girl.
Shouts out from Amen corner
Random. Do you usually bleep out the n word? Or is that a recent development? Anyway, I know some of these women, and i gotta tell you… you can usualy smell them coming. It’s why we don’t hang tight. Because i don’t want my Carol’s Daughter toillette to be masked by SWS pheremones. I will say though… that this woman attracts a certain breed. Sometimes you’ll see a great guy with the woman you described and be like WTHeck? And he’ll hum Jimmy Cozier’s “She’s All I Got” with that goofy “I landed the crazy chick but I like a challenge!” smile. SMH.
“And he’ll hum Jimmy Cozier’s “She’s All I Got” with that goofy “I landed the crazy chick but I like a challenge!” smile.”
Men like this utterly mystify me. And then they just frustrate me when they’re miserable later.
We grow out of it. Well, at least I did…although I wouldn’t say I “liked” the challenge so much as I was willing to work to overcome it. And there were no smiles to be found. I lived in Mudville (for the baseball fans out there…although I guess it’s not such a bad metaphor without the poem reference).
Jimmy Cozier must be a magnet for emotional abuse and sees it like, “Well, at least she truly loves me…and well, I guess I like her, too.”
Good luck with that. LOL!
i usually use ninja unless i feel like i need to use n*gga…and i alway asterisk it out to avoid network censors and getting called into Liz’s office.
yo, there’s a reason jimmy cozier didnt have much of a career. with songs like that, wasn’t no man cosigning that, and while women thought it was cute, its hard to praise a man for settling when you swear you won’t do the same. lol
see, Van Hunt “down here in hell with you” <—-one of the dopest songs like ever…but women dont want to hear about how much they suck but the man sucking it up anyway…and guys just aint buying it.
i think of saving myself….
he (and his band) gives a dope @ss show- have u heard anything about him recently? i google him eery now n then, but i only see an occasional west coast performance
I neva thought that song was cute. My crazy ex liked that song and Ne-yo’s “When You’re Mad.” When this was revealed I knew we wouldn’t last. Two crazies are explosive together though.
on my old blog, long time ago, i wrote a whole post about why Ne-yo’s song “when you’re mad” was complete and utter bullsh*t. i’m too lazy to go find it tho.
Down Here In Hell With You is THREE TIMES DOPE! If mainstream would give Van Hunt some play, he’d have some Funky Dividends! #oldschoolhiphopreference
I’m trying to write a paper, save the interesting discussions for later sheesh. Now I’m off to go browse on 3 other forums.
right! lol…dont ppl know its finals! haha
The people that are finished don’t.
Right! Finals? Where dey do dat at?… oh, school. #sucksforyou #hanginthere
*Lol*, so glad I’m done w/writing papers for the semester, now I have more time to
jerk offmake myself more useful to the society at large.take this \_.
Yes, I’m bitter that there are still some papers and a photography project between me and beach week. All I know is if things don’t get done by Cinco de Mayo noche, it’s a wrap and I’ll be praying that I have enough credits to graduate.
*Lol*, where is the love??
Under that stack of finals I’m guessing
lmao
This should be rather interesting…
LOL at the list…the thing is a lot of women black/white/whatever race have the traits mentioned are Not single..and that just leaves me confused… it’s like really o_O how the hell does she have a man, and so in so doesn’t?…
they’re not single right now. but they will be.
Yup… 50% chance.
Panama, you are killin’ me with yo’ captions!!! Today’s caption was like a story… a rather sad & funnyshort one but a story none-the-less.
Okay. *back to the post*
yeah GREAT caption lol
Yeah, I believe Panama is trying to send all of us to an early grave w/these captions *lol*.
my caption game be killin’ em like the chick in ‘Loso’s song.
Amber Rose?… sidenote* her acting (and video) was rachetness… and she didn’t een have lines (Praise Him!)
Mix #2 with the power of Twitter and it’s oh so magical… Eeyore meets ‘My Life’ Mary J Blige….
nice avatar!
I truly believe men love crazy women. Maybe it’s the excitement, or the make up sex, or whatever – but those broads stay winning. And then when windows get busted and tires get slashed, dudes stay complaining about how “ALL” women are crazy -_-
But the title of this post is “Single Women Syndrome,” which I find very ironic because most of the women aren’t single… Guess they’re doing something right.
If I could add anything I would say
6.) These are the ladies who swear by Tyler Perry plays and Steve Harvey books.
7.) They stay in your ear talking about how *your* man doesn’t do this or doesn’t handle that.
7b.) But let you and your man break up, I promise they’ll be waiting in the wings. If they wait that long…
I think men like “crazy” women because they’re more emotionally reactive, which makes them both more expressive and more predictably unpredictable if that makes any sense.
“predictably unpredictable”
*confused face*
Expound please?
And a woman can be passionate and expressive while still being well adjusted. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Predictably unpredictable: Guy Speak for “She crazy, but I know what type of crazy she is.” That means, if he goes off and wants to do some clearly off-hand type sh*t, he can deduce how she’ll most likely react and see if he should risk it either for the thrill of the action itself or for the excitement of her said reaction.
Not to be confused with bat-sh*t crazy which is guy speak for “…yeah, but the sex is good though so… #kanyeshrug”
Ahh I see! Men must not have enough excitement in their lives… lol
@ Andi
Either that or the closest they think they can get to love is a woman with a baseball bat chasing them out of a strip club. Me no know.
@ DG
Thanks
D@mn good synopsis, miss…
*ahem* Predictably unpredictable I know what buttons to press to get to the “Crazy women have better chex” results I want from her.
As I’ve mentioned in the e-streets before: Men like crazy women and Women love @ssholes. It’s the ultimate cosmic joke that keeps this planet turning.
tu-shea.
but why do you think this is?
I have have a hard time identifying with women who like jerks. I have never been about that life.
“but why do you think this is?
I have have a hard time identifying with women who like jerks. I have never been about that life.”
maybe because the males that stay on consistent jerk-mode show a kind of cockiness/arrogance, that at the core of most females, is quite attractive to them.
while i bet that many women like a dude with confidence being in the middle of meekness and macho-ness..it is my personal belief that a female will choose a male with excessive macho-ness than a male with excessive meek-ness.
*patiently waits to be told otherwise* lol
i reckon you’re right.
from my observation, it’s a life of trade-offs.
i.e. for the female: deal with excessive macho-ness so that she can have a man that has “swagger” and can put it down.
i.e for the male: deal with excessive “craziness” so that he can have a woman who is always exciting and can put it on him.
(i’m sure wordsmith Obsidian is somewhere ready to weigh in on how evolution has birthed this penchant for extremes…)
@Andi… and there it is. Pete and resipsa pretty much said it. And yes I’m sure Obsidian could write 2500+ words on how this is the foundation of Game Theory, but to be a bit more concise: There’s a sliding scale of personalities. Allow me to demonstrate…
Passive ……………. Assertive ………………. Aggressive
Most men and women are going to want someone who falls between Assertive and Aggressive. Call it swagger, game, thuggish, etc. it all falls on the scale. But the overall message of the day is NO ONE, male or female wants to end up with a B!tch.
“But the overall message of the day is NO ONE, male or female wants to end up with a B!tch”
Thats interesting… I always thought a woman would be a B!tch when too close to the aggressive range while a man is considered a B!tch when too close to the passive range.
Most af the traits identified in the post are related to aggression / assertiveness within a woman.
So I could think men want someone who falls between passive and assertive while women want what you said… a man who falls between assertive and aggressive.
Maybe it has to do with this so called game theory or maybe both genders do not want the opposite to have traits that they believe only their gender should have.
“maybe because the males that stay on consistent jerk-mode show a kind of cockiness/arrogance, that at the core of most females, is quite attractive to them.”
OMG you have solved the million dollar question in my brain! It’s like I knew this but i could never put it into words. But these men are never assholes upfront which is why I stayed confused as to why i attracted these type of men. Than I realized that they were all charming, driven, and extremely confident and these traits get my juices flowing like a mug.
So my question is: can a man have these traits and not be an asshole?
Yes but it takes a LOT of practice to keep everything in check. Might just have an extra @sshole-ish day from time to time.
“but why do you think this is?
I have have a hard time identifying with women who like jerks. I have never been about that life.”
As a self proclaimed åsshole (in my own little way), I think it’s because most åssholes ultimately know they’re being åssholes. But they jus don’t care. It takes a certain confidence and security yourself to buck at the established authority and jus do things your own way. And as has been said many times before, confidence and security are attractive qualities.
We go for them thinking we could be THAT CHICK to break/train him and make him a better man in which some of us can.
You just gotta know which kind of jerk you dealing with though and if you can deal.
also, like if there is nothing on TV, you can just get your crazy girlfriend going off on something and sit back and be entertained for an hour.
SMH my mom is 50 and single and just talked my ear off about Tyler Perry like he was the messiah. Then got mad when I gave her the *kanye shrug* IDC
I think your mom and mines are from a similar school.. my moms is single (well, now engaged) LOVES her some Tyler Perry, nags the hell out of a point, and is a my way or the highway type of woman… I cant with her and then gets mad when I disagree or tell her she is out of line…
RIght. My mom is………..well, let’s just say its like a How To guide in reverse.
Crazy and bitter, single, sad don’t always go hand in hand. Most crazy people are very in tune with their emotions and thus, they are able to give more freely and deeply of their true emotion. Which can be a great thing (read=good sex) or a terrible thing (read=slashed tires).
But general speaking, many crazy folks are quite happy. LOL, I know I am.
I appreciate that you own your crazy Mo
I have noticed a lot of correlation between the three. A lot of angry women are also crazy, etc. The post is more so about bitter women, but I’ve noticed that the two groups (minus overlap) both generally stay winning with men. At least in the short run. That’s fine, I just wish men wouldn’t subsequently complain afterward.
But general speaking, many crazy folks are quite happy. LOL, I know I am.
+1
But I’m a “Good Crazy” tho. *lol*
i’m with u mo- i don’t really see myself in the last 4 on the list, cause i’m generally a nice person and really concerned about other folk, so none of that nastiness- BUT i do have to admit to # 1, my emotions are a m-fker and they do play a nice sized role in my life- so while i may be a lil crazy, it’s the “good” kind, lol – and not just as it relates to sex- that passion/feeling can be a great thing for me and who i’m with in a lot of different areas…
Truth.com/realvstenderonish*t
If I hear one mo ‘gin bout how all women are crazy…no negro, just the ones you mess with. -_-” *sigh*
In addition, my VP Andi has a point with 7b. Sometimes, they don’t wait at all, they’ll just swoop in and grin in your face while thinking “I’ll take yo man!”
All women are crazy. It’s just a matter of degree imo.
I would say it’s two cateogories. Manageable and Unmanageable. Manageable crazy doesn’t count…right? o.O lol
Manageable crazy can quickly turn into unmanageable crazy…see my ex for tales on both.
LOL
No it doesn’t.
But I think the older I get the closer I creep toward the Unmanageable side of the crazy line…
…I’m not a big fan of cats though…Maybe I’ll become the Crazy Bird Lady…
Lol I’m wit u- but since I dont like cats or birds I think I will have to get some goldfish
i think many of you look at point in time estimates versus longitudinal. yeah you know chicks like this in relationships now…how many of them will stay in them? guys, while we appreciate a certain amount of crazy, don’t want certified. we like, exciting and a bit unpredictable, but for stability’s sake…we’re not planning on wifing down any woman who makes our lives more difficult than necessary. when it’s harder to be with you than it is to be without you, dude is rolling.
so yeah, they got a man now…check back a year from now.
by most of my empirical data point analysis, the women i know who are in long term relationships that seem to be progressing are women who, at least on the surface, seem to exhibit the least amount of those issues. or at least know how to check themselves or have friends who are able to do so.
“when it’s harder to be with you than it is to be without you, dude is rolling.’
LOL… wish I had read this earlier. True dat!– from this woman’s point of view too!
andi,
i approve this message.
but we’re talkim bout the ladies (not the game, not practice) today i guess.
and true that men dont care/worry about single man syndrome.
or do they?
“Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke?”
I don’t know that SWS as a true disorder actually exists, however, I do know of and have dated women who fit these descriptions. Because of much of what you’ve described, I did my part to help them become single again. Hmmmm, maybe the men who date these women are the problem, maybe we should accept them as they are and alleviate their singledom…..naw, nevermind. No we shouldn’t.
…I did my part to help them become single again…
That was very gallant of you lmao
Lol at you helping them to become single.
Yes the men who date these women are definitely the problem. I seriously believe that a lot of men (especially black men) are attracted to the crazy. I am the most “no drama” person that you could ever meet: I don’t like to argue, if I have a problem I will talk about it and try to resolve it, and I’m all about keeping the peace. So why did my ex stay gravitating toward his crazy baby mama (fucked his car up, called the cops on him for no reason, and numerous other incidents) and I’m sitting there just holding the peace sign up. Dude continuously tried to start arguments with me but I never took the bait. So guess who he ended up with…yea, not me.
So I guess you can say that there are men out there that like drama and I don’t think we talk about this fact enough. It’s always the woman.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here…
Perhaps the type of chicks a dude is attracted to could be related to the type of relationships he experienced growing up. For instance, if he witnessed a lot of craziness from his momma, or maybe not, maybe aunties and cousins, this is what he perceived as normal and ultimately grew comfortable with. When he runs into a woman who is sane (for lack of a better term) it is to him, an anomaly. In his mind the “real women” are the “ride or die, i’ll slice your tires, key you car and brick your windshield” type chicks. And to him that is true expression of love for him. I’ve met dudes who were with these chicks but be like “Yeah she ride for a ninja tho.”
I have a second theory also but i’m still working on the semantics.
always appreciate reading cab’s perspective. it’s balanced without possible pandering accusations.
I’m glad you mentioned (at the end) that men have the same problems. Its even worse with men cause people expect guys to show almost no expression of emotion in the first place, so when the crazy comes out…we’re kinda in shock as to what to do. Run? Don’t run? Will he chase me if I run like a lion on a gazelle?
I’m still trying to escape the one I dated…I can’t seem to run far or fast enough. I need to get my gazelle on another level.
Play dead, like a ‘possum…that usually works
“Don’t move. Its vision is based on movement.”
I’m glad you mentioned (at the end) that men have the same problems.
yeah i pandered to avoid 50 straight comments that would have NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING but would say, “men do this too.”
which would be the women who get caught up in #1.
I get nervous about single woman syndrome, because I’m not sure if I got it or not o.o. Admittedly I do get a little bit emotional sometimes
like a thug though in the dark where nobody can see my thug tears. I mean, cause I don’t know. I’m friendly. I’m cute. I’m smart. I’m a little funny, and a lot o’ smart. Brothas, my brothas…what gives?Pres, I would venture to say that you(we) are too young to have SWS. I think you have to accumulate a certain amount of baggage first.
why am I banished to moderation?
I was too.
While we wait I guess we can right “I will always remember to put * or ! in the middle of swears” 500 times on the blackboard
*write.
Right, I knew that
Me no want baggage though VP o.o…that’s what makes women bitter, isn’t it? I don’t wanna be bitter…I like being sweet and sh*t
If we don’t have single woman syndrome but are single in our bracket…what does that make us? Regular? o.O
Exactly, Tes. I think the bitterness I’ve dealt with is what makes me most upset cause I was like, “Damn, I got baggage now.” just a week or two ago
With former boo-friends, things ended on a smooth note but w/ this particular cat…. just *sigh*.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now Hawaii
*Sends e-hugs, e-Ben &Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and e-tissues*
*sends bouquet*
You’re going to want to go through everything, every moment and every conversation. It’ll take you awhile. In that time though, don’t focus on what you did or didn’t do, just focus on what it was, and what that’ll mean for you in the future.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” -Khalil Gibran
by way of Huey FreemanLOL! Oh gosh, I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t want to be “that girl” over here… spillin’ out all my sh*t post by post. After last month, I said I wouldn’t mention anything else about my situation anymore and look at me, still at it
like a crack habit. *sigh*Guess this is what happens when you won’t talk about ish to someone…. I may need to fallback for min.
Thank you though, ladies, Really appreciate the love & uplifting. Thanx to those of you that replied to me yesterday too. ? the quote, Tes.
lol mayhaps Regular NTTAWWT.
Relationships take a lot of time, energy and focus. It’s a lot to devote to another human being. Sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes it’s not. But in the mean you can pour all that into yourself. Focus on being great! When the right guy comes along not only will you be sweet and baggageless – you’ll have a whole lot of greatness to bring to the table.
Baggage is something we all involuntarily acquire. Have enough life experience (note, this is not necessarily tied to age) and you’ll cop a Samsonite set no matter what. It is fully possible, however, to not permit that to translate into bitterness. It is quite a lot of work to keep oneself from becoming jaded, but IMO, it’s worth it. The freeness you feel from knowing that you aren’t destined for SWS is worth its weight. I mean it.
@Tes & Andi of the VSSTenderoni
yes you both are way too young to even begin to think about sws… its not 1811 you’re not on the road to spinster-dom?
as for your baggage claim (?see what i did there) i don’t think its baggage per se, but a certain amount of life experience in order to get the fairy tale out of your head. when i hear men speak about wanting a woman that has been hurt before, it’s not so that she has baggage but so that she sees, knows & understands what it is to be treated well, what she wants & needs from her partner, what she will not accept and how it feels to be in a healthy relationship. sometimes people (both men and woman) that do not experience pain don’t actually understand the work, sacrifice and compromise that comes with a functional relationship. they think everything is all prince on white house sweeps her off her feet and they live happily ever after.
I don’t think baggage has anything to do with it. You can definitely have SWS at a young age… you single? you a woman? you like being miserable?… you got SWS.
and Black relationship jadedness. you definitely need that to fully embrace your SWS. right now, you good.
Yeah that is a whole nother post. Why do *some* men always go after skanky crazy drama queens? I think maybe because they are looking for someone easy, and think if youre smart and funny and all, thats more work than they want to do
Skanky, crazy drama queens need love too!
They get plenty of love
They get plenty of
lovep*nis.Now it’s perfect.
They do it cuz the p*ssy is easy.
Nothing more or less.
Thank you and good night
except that EVERYONE thought that p*ssy was easy, and then everyone gets STDs.
LOL, right, but you wanted an answer and I gave you one. Never said the answer would make sense to the logical.
Yeah no it’s completely true.
Like if you’re smart and funny they’re thinking “great… we’re going to have to have a conversation first… so, do you have any dumb friends who probably forgot to wear panties tonight?
ratchet-@zz chicks stay winning.
until they start losing.
for my part, i shed no tears for the ratchets.
“Why do *some* men always go after skanky crazy drama queens?” <- THIS is the million dollar question.
two cent answer: because then at least he knows what to expect…logic being that the “skanky crazy drama queen” you see comin’ is easier/better to deal wit’ than the sh*t you can’t predict from a prototypically “normal” woman.
i’m not sure this happens as much as its being made to sound like. i think there’s some chick extrapolation there.
of course this is up for debate, but i cant imagine dudes intentionally chase yamps. if it turns out she is, then okay, and you just pray dude aint in love.
it doesn’t happen often…and it doesn’t happen on accident.
Why do *some* men always go after skanky crazy drama queens?
Because “skanky” and “crazy” loosely translate as “easy” and “freaky” but all to often translate as “itchy” and “scratchy”
that made me laugh!
I’m glad
Yeah that is a whole nother post. Why do *some* men always go after skanky crazy drama queens? I think maybe because they are looking for someone easy, and think if youre smart and funny and all, thats more work than they want to do
Glad I’m not alone in wondering if this post is describing me…
I think you’re safe. I’d be willing to bet that most, if not all, women with SWS are absolutely convinced that there’s nothing wrong with them.
Look, you can be all great things, but it’s not your time yet. I had a friend (male friend at that) tell me that no matter now cool, beautiful, great or charming one person is to another, there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. And that’s real talk. Just continue doing you and someone will find that appealing and you won’t have to worry about changing who you are to maintain a relationship entered into upon false pretenses.
And girl you’re not even out of college yet (or barely out) so why are you worried? Don’t let the media fool you into thinking if you aren’t wifed up by 25 you failed at life. LIFE YOUR LIFE!!!!! Love will come.
Mo hit it on the head. I can’t completely blame women for being so worried about whether or not they’re doing something wrong since there’s so much discussion that goes on about what women are doing wrong. However, women have to realize that sometimes you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet.
“However, women have to realize that sometimes you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet.”
I’mma go with this mantra. It’s the only one that’ll keep us (semi) sane. (I say semi because let’s face it, we all kinda crazy. Embrace it. *random tick*) But, on the real, focusing on how much you “could” be doing wrong is major blockage, IMO. Just do you (in all sense of the phrase… especially take it quite literally because I have a feeling ninjas can smell that ish). I know it’s difficult NOT to walk around on eggshells when all you hear is what we’re doing wrong. Then again, a lot of this talk is because we’re asking! “Why can’t I find a man!” But, what’s worse, a man complaining about something that you do that makes you you, or a man complaining about not really knowing the real you? At least with the latter, you’ll be satisfied that you’re true to yourself. Working on correcting flaws is one thing, but nitpicking every little thing that makes you less than perfect is crazy… and yeah I’m talking about the man who does it to you as well as you doing it to you.
Just do you (in all sense of the phrase… especially take it quite literally because I have a feeling ninjas can smell that ish).
Yes. They. Can!!!! and it becomes attractive to them because they don’t see you as one of those sitting around/by the phone waiting for a man to come along to jumpstart your life types.
However, women have to realize that sometimes you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet.
yeah, that’s Tupac level realest sh*t you ever wrote style. sometimes it really is just that simple.
*However, women have to realize that sometimes you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet.*
Catalina Wine Mixer POW!!!!
The truth
I would suppose I’m worried because everyone seems worried for me. I can almost hear the “cat-lady” alarm in people’s voices when they find out I’ve never had a long term situation. Then comes the “Oh, I have the perfect friend for you,” or the “Maybe if you did/didn’t do ___” conversations. I guess I think they wouldn’t be worried if there was nothing to be worried for…right? o.O
I’m living it…well I will be after finals anyway -.-
Ugh, I hate getting the “Oh, you have such a great personality, why are you single??” Then I tell them I’m not really looking @ the moment, they come w/the whole you’re gonna be single for the rest of your life, don’t keep yourself from finding true love, blah blah blah. D@mn, just let me be great -_-
Real sh*t, I had a guy hit on me and ask me some “Where’s your man at?” I said I didn’t have one, his follow up was “Well, damn, what’s wrong with you then?” T_T really doe?
I don’t mind being single, it’s the stigma that’s attatched to it, especially in my age bracket, that I mind.
Well d@mn, he was rude *lol*. I’m also a VSY (very smart youngin’) and just figured there would be time for all that lovey dovey sh*t when I get older. But according to those around me, now is the time to be looking for suitors and planning my dream wedding *rolls eyes*.
Yeah…my thing with that is…I don’t even wanna get married really. I mean if dude commits to me, that’s awesome. If we have children he’s gonna have to sign an agreement to take care of them, but me? Nah, we ain’t gotta do all that unless he wants to. Besides, as the rising divorce rates show, marriage doesn’t promise a d@mn thing.
#TeamVSTenderoni in the house!
Yeah, marriage isn’t on my “to-do list” either. Oh, and can I say that I am glad the VSY’s are showing their e-faces on this blog? Makes me feel all sentimental and such *single tear camera shot*.
“I don’t mind being single, it’s the stigma that’s attatched to it, especially in my age bracket, that I mind.”
*co-sign*
I too don’t mind being single….I find myself to be good company. But I constantly feel like when people find out i’m unattached i get hit with the #SideEye. I also feel like I have to be extra vigilant about not coming off as the anger, bitter single friend. All of my friends are attached or engaged (YAY Black Luv and sh*t). When they have issues and ask my opinion I tell them, you should probably ask somebody who has a man….but then they hit me with….but you’re so reasonable and you’re going to be honest. I just don’t want their men-folk to think i’m in the background saying ‘Awww hellz nawl gurllll, you needta leave him…he ain’t sh*t’. So. not. me…..in fact, 9 times out of 10 i’m the one saying…..girl, you were a little f-ed up for that.
What’s a VSS to do?
I’ll tell you what I do. I let them think what they want; typically I’m the person they tell all their relationship dirt to so while they’re telling me what I should do, I remind myself about how screwed their relationship is. Works every time
“especially in my age bracket…”
Girl stop. I’m 31 and single (as in not married) and I love it. While I’m not looking to be single forever, I do embrace the positives about it and as the time comes, I’ll either get married or I won’t.
A long time ago, I gave up trying to please everyone and do what was expected of folks back in the day. My mother was married for 11 years and have two kids by the time she was my age. She’s divorced now, wondering why…
When you jump into things because others think that’s what you should be doing, you do yourself a disservice because you have no idea of what YOU want. Take some time and figure that out first.
I promise you, you still have PLENTY of time.
No…. There is no time. How is a 31 year old woman unmarried woman gonna tell you, you have lots of time. Get real.
Your missing the boat and your ego is stopping you from admitting that.
The game is to multi task!
Do you, make money, find love, party, travel, all at the same time. There are NO stages. Mr Right is right where you need him. Go find him and place yourself in a position for him to find you.
and with all this BE NICE! doesn’t matter where a guy approaches you or meets you at least he’s trying. give him that. dont worry if your hair isn’t done or your uncomfortable. find confidence and just go with it!
You’re projecting an awful lot here
@Tes
“I don’t mind being single, it’s the stigma that’s attatched to it, especially in my age bracket, that I mind.”
What stigma is attached in your age bracket?! Now if a chick told me she NEVER had a man i may throw up a flag on the field(depending on where she is from). But a stigma attached to temporary singleness? Nahhh
I’ve never had a long term relationship. I’m 20. Most of my peers are on their second or third real relationship. I haven’t even started. The stigma is “Oooh she’s never had a man?!? Woooow, what’s wrong with her?” It’s not temporary at this point, more like “continuous.”
Not that I’m saying I’m judging myself by what my peers do
though I’ve been known to do itbut I am saying it puts undue pressure on someone who’s time it isn’t yet, and who hasn’t found the right person.Hmmm i think thats still workable though. You in undergrad alot of chicks just got into one freshmen year and or lost there virginity within recent years so you got time on your hands.
In my opinion this goes back to a comment i ready earlier upthread ““Why do *some* men always go after skanky crazy drama queens?” The million dollar answer is they put out. The challenge that may occur as precious and beautiful as virginity may be it sometimes can be a whoaaa not trynna deal with that kinda crazy. Skanky Crazy> Virgin Crazy.
I witnessed this scenario recently(read: found out she never had a man nor sex and stopped calling immediately). She was a cool girl though. Wish i had a legitimate answer for why i chose that path but it all came down to the availability of skanky crazy knockin on the door steps versus me going out and having to knock on the door steps of virgin crazy. Guess the little head got the best of me. c’est la vie.
In case you were wondering: That whole scenario? That’s the stigma. And the way you handled it? The way everybody else does.
*walks away kicking rocks*
I don’t mind being single, it’s the stigma that’s attatched to it, especially in my age bracket, that I mind.
louder please.
That sounds like a “neg” to throw you off. The common response would have been to “close” and get some contact info, he tried to be different, but he went different different. #HollaFAIL
most def can relate Tes..#teamVSSyoungins..lol
lord so that makes me and my ilk #teamVSSmiddleagers …. damn, Damn, DAMN
These people who don’t mind their own business will transition to asking you when the kids are coming when you do get a long term situation. Learning to laugh at them and tune them out is an important life skill IME.
that’s other folks projecting. its amazing how much undue pressure other folks put onto our own situations. i’d bet that the ideal man and woman would be two folks who had other folks around them to let them live. less drama for yo’ mama.
I had a friend (male friend at that) tell me that no matter now cool, beautiful, great or charming one person is to another, there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. And that’s real talk.
amen.
(doesn’t make the alonliness sting less sometimes though)
This is interesting to me because I am single, and I think I am going to be single for a very long time. But I don’t really have any of the symptoms you mentioned.
I’ve had some shtty relationships, and other bad things which makes me feel kind of scared and cautious of men. I also have a kid and I am so scared that if I had a boyfriend he would hurt her.
But I also feel kind of sad about being single forever.
in moderation.. dam n. I need to work on my cussing.
No, no. Don’t think that way, LMNOP. If it’s a relationship that you want in the near future, you have to think positively about it in every aspect now- for you and your child. I often feel that I may be single for the rest of my life but it’s something I’m cool with. It’s sometimes the thought of being in a relationship that makes me feel awkward :\ BUT I continue to reflect, and figure out what I want for my future so that I can begin…..
New thought: It’s just dawned on me that I’m afraid of expectations. I deflect gf/bf relationships because I don’t want men to expect….. whatever of me and I wind up not measuring up and I have subconsciously decided that I may not want to be in a relationship to avoid disappointment if it really does not happen. …..wow.
I am actually pretty much okay with being single indefinitely, but sometimes it makes me sad.
I guess what I am trying to say is I’ve been single for a while, I will be single for a while. And honestly, I feel like there are different reasons that people end up long term single. For me, its not cause I’m a crazy b!tch. I’m not denying I have a little bit of crazy in me, but why I have issues with relationships or men or whatever, thats not crazy.
Too many men have treated me like sht, and I am going to be real careful to avoid having that happen again. And honestly, I think that is pretty f*cking sane actually.
same here. I feel like I’m missing something by not ever having had a relationship but then I realize obligations come along with that. And I really hate being obligated to people. I like to be on my own. I’ll probably never have a real successful relationship cuz I have a lot of work to do internally and life goals I want to accomplish and that will make it extremely hard for someone to commit to me.
if you don’t have these symptoms, you won’t be single forever. the right one for you will likely come when you least expect it. i’m happy to hear that you are really thinking about the impact that your potential mate could have on your daughter…it shows that you’re cautious and that you’re a good Mom. off topic, but happy early mother’s day!
thanks!
here’s a question…do you trust yourself to find a good man? your reasons seem to indicate that you either dont trust that a good man is out there, that you will find one, or that you dont trust yourself to find a good man..
Wow, I never really thought about it like that but I guess I DONT really trust myself to find a good man, and be able to tell the good from the good from the bad.
something to think about…
this is like therapy, impressive.
you wouldnt be the first. hell, after my last significant breakup with my daughter’s mother, i had serious trust issues about my ability to be a good man to any woman. i felt like damaged goods and not only that, how was i supposed to date anybody else and still be a great father to the most important person in my life….i went through all types of mental sh*t. but i realized that sometimes the sun shines, sometimes it doesn’t. and at the end of the day, i have to trust that i was raised right and that i can and have learned from my mistakes. still making mistakes…lol…but have definitely grown as a person and should the right woman hopefully come along, i’ll be good for her.
i appreciate the honesty of this comment.
#nopanderingtopanama
I think its also really hard to tell where the line between trusting and being stupid is. for me at least.
@LMNOP
It is a tough line to see, but the key is being ok with your actions regardless if they may seem stupid to others. That way, you minimize regrets and subsequently there is less internal damage (e.g. emotional, psychological).
Therapy for real! I’m not even in the session (waiting in the waiting room but eavesdropping) and I’m learning!
3. I don’t know why both men and women put themselves through this. I can’t be monitoring someone 24/7. Love can’t flourish without trust.
I would say it does exist and what you outlined here was logical and made sense. I had to distance myself from someonewho was always #1. Women with SWS you gotta distance yourself from. Them chicks will find a reason to complain in heaven and iCan’t.
like you L_S i had to distance myself except she was a #2 Constant complainer. i could not take it anymore… i know you guys only know me from the interwebs & all but i’m truly constantly smiling, hugging, laughing
and throwing glitterin my real life. i can’t understand someone who never ever sees the good in anything, find flaws with everything, wants to change everyone etc… i am going to look thisgoodway until at least 50 (i’m claiming it) so i don’t have time for added stress and negative nancy-ness. take that complaining somewhere else, i got my own problems but you don’t see me bogging everyone i know down with them and making other people miserable in the process.Exactly Yoles!!!
I’m pretty much the same way! I keep a positive outlook and sometimes people think its because I’ve never been through anything. Ummm. NO! I have, Its just that I choose to keep smiling and laughing. Life is way too short to walk around with a from. Criticizing everything. I swear some people have something bad to say about everythang! Yesterday I said that Jennifer Hudson looks great in the Keep a child alive ads and my friend really said “oh but her legs look terrible, she doesn’t work her calves, and claims to be fit”…What??? Let her be great please! Everything doesn’t need to be criticized.
that’s right Cayenne…
we can be happy and joyous while these other broads complain and mope…
?????????????? HAPPY ?????????????? HAPPY ?????????????? JOY ?????????????? JOY??????????????
and repeat!!!!
Cosign.
I’m a smartass (no? really???) in everyday life, but I know when to turn it off. Most folks laugh with me and we have a good time. Then I have this certain family member who manages to complain about EVERYTHING. Hot, cold, rain, sun, raise on her job, being fired from said job, relationship going well, relationship sucking…no matter what it is, she can find a reason to complain. I had to stop talking to her. I still love her and check in on her from time to time, but I just cannot take the barrage of negativity.
And that’s just me talking to her semi regularly. And I couldn’t imagine LIVING with her 24/7. I’m surprised her man hasn’t knocked her out yet (not advocating DV, just saying…)
Within the past two years (one guy), I’ve been guilty of allowing my emotions to take control- not for nothing but still…
I’d never been that way in my past so, I’m now in a space where I’m trying to figure out why I became so enslaved/impulsive to the emotions in recent years. I don’t want for the other 4 syndromes to become me/my thing. It’s been difficult for me to forgive myself for not keeping my cool w/ this guy but ¯\_(?)_/¯ I’ll continue to try.
Girl we all have one who we went completely bonkers over. Something about the combo of you and him set it off and fireworks ensue.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Learn and leave it in the past
At least you know it though.
Right, it’s one to grow on.
You’re so not alone on this… I’ve gotten WAY emotional on some ninjas. My argument has been I feel like if I don’t say something it will stay inside and fester… and ultimately grow, so I gotta get it up off of me. In the past, I wouldn’t say isht… and I always felt walked all over so now I say what I feel when I feel it… and… it does come across as way emotional, but it’s my truth. There are definitely some situations I think “Damn YS, you prolly shouldn’t have called him a stoopid-@ss-bish like dat over text” but when it’s all said and done he did something to provoke me and while my tactic wasn’t the nicest… sometimes you just gotta
get crazybe emotional (honest/vulnerable) to get that release… and I let get go. Let it go, I think we have a right to react emotionally to effed-up situations.Do you need an e-hug?
Is that the impression you got? I don’t think so… You just feel like huggin somebody? Ok, I’ll take one.
Is that “Come & Talk To Me” I hear in the background?
good choice of song b. brown.
*e-hugs Yeah…so with 24inch pythons while channeling Hulk Hogan, BROTHER!*
get your hand off my @ss Tx10!
awwwww maaan. *kicks rock*
smh… give a ninja an inch he’ll take 10… #BuhDumPish
lol… that was corny.
give a ninja an inch he’ll take 10
lol. true..true..
it happens to guys too. i had one chick get me ALL caught up in my feelings. i had to check myself HARD one day, with the help of some women i wasn’t sleeping with. lol.
i got myself together. and f*cked that chicks couch.
Characteristic #6 – She feels it is her duty in life to give you relationship advice. Funny thing is all advice will be ruled by emotions and thinly veiled complaints about doomed relationships passed where she had to put her man on the stand because clearly she was the victim… And you best take her advice because she is 1000% sure she is not the father she is right and it’s her way or the highway.
I am all but #3 but I will work on achieving this one too. As it appears from the comments above… these are the women that are married. lol!
But on a serious note I do see #1 affecting me a lot. I tend to get overly emotional over imagined offenses and then feel silly when I later think of it logically.
dude…i had this one chick who ERASED me from all social networking platforms b/c i didnt answer the phone one morning. never mind that there was a completely rational reason why i didn’t. when i found that out i was dumbstruck like…”n*gga…you really jumped THAT bad? before I had a chance to explain?!?!?!?”
I fall under #5.
I’m working on it but for myself, not to become un-single. I’m 30 but seriously coupling up with some dude is nowhere on my list of important chit to do.
So am I still “suffering” from SWS if it’s by my own choice?
Maybe that’s another symptom- minimizing the importance of companionship.
Non-committal disorder
THIS sounds more like me.
I’m not only a client… *violin playing*
Maybe. If I even have SWS. I want to be single and I don’t see any problem with it.
Now, am saying it’s a choice because I’m in denial about the role that my issues (and I do have them) really play in my singlehood? I don’t know.
LOL, I feel you, I’m just saying it sounds similar to the “i don’t need a man” mantra. Perhaps you will then give off the impression that 1)you don’t want to be approached and when approached 2) that you don’t want to be bothered. You may have SWS! Get yourself to a doctor to be tested.
Well…I don’t want to be approached and I don’t want to be bothered so…I guess I’m just a lost cause right now WIP.
i feel like you need a *hug*
(steps out of comfort zone and takes your hug)
I’m the same way but no one believes me and I get labeled as bitter by men and women. But I really truly don’t want to be commited. I love being single. Not understanding why everyone sees it as a problem if I don’t have a problem with my singleness. When I’m out and about I don’t want to be bothered or apporached either. I don’t think I have SWS. I’m a non-bitter single woman. Ok ok I have been guilty of #1 in the past…sue me.
But am I missing something? Like is there a rule that ALL woman must want to be coupled up or be on the path too? Am I not normal too?
@ WIP I was wondering the same thing.
Can being too unemotional fall under SWS as well?
No, that falls under “Sh*t men do that they get upset for when women do.” Apparently, from conversations I’ve had with the fellas, if the dude feels like he’s being too emotional whereas the chick isn’t he gets upset and feels like a b*tch. As such, when these feelings of b*tch@ssness come up, the man does some clearly off-hand sh*t to try to make the woman react. She reacts by breaking up with them. #manlogic Gotta love it.
LOL.
And thanks for answering that question cause I don’t get that chit at all.
Might also explain why I attract the careless assholes Liz and I were talking about last week. Maybe their assholeyness gets more and more reckless the less emotional my reactions are until *poof* they find themselves on the other side of the door.
I’m always learning so much here…Thanks again oh Wise Young One.
You might be onto something here. I take the careless asshole act for only so long and then I check out. I don’t even announce my checking out, I’m just not responsive, non interested etc. It might be a defense mechanism or maybe I just get to a point where I don’t feel like defying all logic and sense anymore. Life happens, it ain’t that deep.
I’ve done this before. It’s very liberating.
“I take the careless asshole act for only so long and then I check out. I don’t even announce my checking out, I’m just not responsive, non interested etc. It might be a defense mechanism or maybe I just get to a point where I don’t feel like defying all logic and sense anymore.”
I feel a mirror was just put in front of me. Cosign….big time!
Being an Ahole is a learned behavior for most men. As men most often pursue women, we adapt our tactics to what is the most successful approach. In general, being an Ahole is the most successful tactic.
It happened with me. In high school, I tried the nice guy approach, and kept getting friend zoned. And it wasn’t that I’m a push over or soft, I’ve never been either of those. So I looked around, observed my environment, and began to pay attention to those were successful. The one thing they had in common when it came to women was being an Ahole. Since that epiphany, I changed my methods.
And I must say, I have been far more successful with women using the Ahole routine than using the nie guy routine. I even occasionally switch it up, just to see if women have grown out of it. They haven’t.
You know what’s funny? I used to be a nice girl. I had plenty of confidence and self esteem, I just subscribed to the do unto other rule. Lately I’ve started acting more bitchy and emotional and I am way more successful with men.
*fights the strange urge to laugh*
*Starts iTunes, plays Beyonce – Single Ladies*
*pops popcorn*
LOL. The #@ssholeAlliance approves of women trying to join. We’re currently accepting applications.
Is there an application fee??
Wait…Are you calling US assholes?!
…
(shrugs and turns in completed application)
No one can outdo the @ssholish-ness of women when we are fed up.
Yes, cue the A’rrr (Kels that is)…
Not even men. Y’all think y’all invented that sh*t, but trust you didn’t.
So, we’re taking apps. Please and thank you.
Mo… stop lying. You know good and well you don’t have to be fed up. You just can’t stand to see men happy. #shotsfired
Need proof? Air-body, if you’ll open to the book of Genesis and read about Adam. Adam was cool. Walked around with the animals in paradise, literally had the world to himself. Then came Eve…. offering an apple.
The End.
You’re right. Women are some @ssholes.
Thank you for arguing yourself down to deduce what I already knew.
*gracious bow*
Also, @ssholery in reaction to unemotion is just a front. In his mind he’s thinking “What do I gotta do to make her feel something about this?!” I once had a dude who’s woman was unemotional come to me and say “Tes, I just wanna be loved.” Before you go “Aww,” this is after he told her she couldn’t cook and was getting boring in bed. He didn’t mean those things. But his b*tch@ssness made him say it. They wanna be the ones to make you feel
like a natural woman.That is a b!tch@ss move. I live and breathe for a drama-free existence and this fool is trying to create some. If that ain’t some What-Did-the-Five-Fingers-Say-to-the-Face Moment, I don’t know what is.
BUT, I guess in his defense, I’ll counter with this. I typically find myself to be slow to emotion. I’m not someone who “reacts” to much, and I’ve been called cold several times in the past. Yet, I seem to attract crazy women in droves. So maybe it’s a true Yin-Yang/Opposites Attract situation.
I live and breathe for a drama-free existence
THIS is me all day erryday! But your personality scale above had me wondering…cuz I’m certainly on the passive side. I just don’t get emotional AT ALL. So maybe I should get a little fire (read: crazy) in me to get a man. Hmmm…
Not so fast there, Shelby. See the left side of aggressive is more feminine whereas the right is more masculine. A woman on the right side is thought of as a B!tch, whereas a man on the left would be considered one. So don’t get too far right of assertive, there’s definitely a law of diminishing returns.
Aha! Road duly slowed.
I guess ima do me. This is a little too much info for me today. Lol (I promise I’m not slow).
But one thing at a time…first work on being affectionate, not too unemotional.
I read something recently that tested couples and found opposites actually did not attract. People that stayed together had much more in common than different. Sharing…
i usually get told that i’m too nonchalant. lol. which of course, is the exact opposite of what crazy chicks need and want…yet, that’s who i generally deal with.
Opposites attract? You on that scientific love, P.
Yeah, I’m told the same thing. But apparently two nonchalant people would never do anything together. Would never make any decisions. Would lead a boring life.
So, you have to have someone that’s crazy to shake things up for you. And your demeanor will calm down the crazy. So, it’s a balancing act.
All of these things I’m told. Haven’t decided if I’m buying it yet.
eh…i’m nonchalant about feelings at times…but i make decisions. i HATE non-decisive arse non-decisive ninjas. i’m gully and i keep the fully the tux.
Mmm, hmm. Now what would you say if I said MEN DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT? If you found a nice, non crazy chick, you would put her in the friend zone and go chase the crazy one. Admit it!
lmao @tes! This statemtent is so true- Ive experienced something like this before.
I was going to say true but then I remembered most of the married women I know exhibit the same qualities, except for the ones who are saved (really Christian). I don’t know there is something about real Christian women that is different – they tend not to sweat the small stuff, also very aware of showing respect to the man…hmnn
I’ve seen this as well.
me too. but for women of strong faith, regardless of which religion. i think it’s cause people who have a really serious relationship with God aren’t even expecting their mate to be their be all and end all. i think it’s easier for women (and men) who don’t have that foundation to look to their mate for security, happiness, comfort, etc. so they’re more likely to flip out at the least little thing.
not saying that u shldn’t want those things from your mate, but it takes a lot of pressure off of the relationship when you already have them. namsayin?
I agree. It’s the ‘too blessed to be stressed’ mentality. I think that’s something I inherited from my mother.
I was going to say:
Women who don’t love themselves or have self-respect.
but then I wonder, because there a lot of women like that out there who have men. They may be in the wrong kind of relationship..and maybe it won’t last all the time..But they are in a relationship.
Maybe there is a happy medium?
I’m sure you actually have to speak/interact with a male to take note of your own behavior in order to compare it to #1-5. In that case.. I know I don’t have SWS (or do I? since I haven’t had any dates to test the theory hmmm?)
I do know a chick like this though. Somehow she always manages to have a boyfriend for at least a year or 2. I don’t understand why men put up with her. She is super controlling and generally crazy. Love her to death, just would never hook her up with any of my male friends. What is even worse is that I’ve told her (cause I don’t enable foolishness) that she has unreal expectations, she is too bossy and she reacts irrationally when a guy doesn’t do what she wants . Her response is usually something like “his bad, he better get in line.” or “you know I don’t care, he better govern himself accordingly”. *le sigh* I don’t ever think I’m going to get through to her.
i think that women like these pose a “challenge” for certain men… it’s a test of wills if you will… in the arena of hormones, attitudes, dominance and control… the ultimate battle of testosterone? vs estrogen? he’s secretly wondering can he bend her to his will using a puffed up chest, bass in his voice, orgasms and oxytocin. she’s pondering if she is able to bend him to her will with firm attitude, speaking in an erratic mix of dulcet tones & curse out your mama screeching, sassiness and frequent kegels. eventually they just wear each other out with no real winner and part ways. but she’s still a contender and another young buck wants to try to make his mark.. and repeat
???
this is just my opinion…
Yoles,
Thanks for that great and accurate scientific analysis! Biology explains a lot of this and you hit a lot of it head on.
chicks with UBER control issues are the worst. b/c those control issues manifest themselves in various ways from manipulation to general a**holery at not getting their way.
Sooooo… I’m pretty sure my boyfriend (who, incidentally, often likens himself to a woman when it comes to love and relationships) has this… Any suggestions on how to deal with a man with SWS???
Smile and nod non-threateningly while backing away. Do NOT turn your back…suspect may charge.
No sudden moves.
if regular sex doesn’t cure a man’s ills (and/or a regular supply of marijuana)…send him to the glue factory.
…
Anyone else?
if he is sensitive, tell him its fine that he is that way but man wasn’t supposed to be like a woman in a relationship and should not liken himself to one because he thinks it means he is “in touch” with his feminine side. Acknowledge his GREAT strides in attempting to understand you and then tell him that he will NEVER understand you because who you are defies definition. Tell him to focus on understanding what he should be as a man. Because right now, your relationship is in a dangerous teeter-totter because he is basically reactionary and wearing you out with it on the low. This is what I was doing two relationships ago. She wasn’t patient enough to explain it. I was fool hardy. Lesson learned.
Then again…don’t listen to crap I got to say….because it only sounds right in my head, I’m pretty sure its totally effed irl!!!!
Well If you don’t like his attitude and his actions, leave him alone.
If there is something worth salvaging, name his game. Call him out on what he does and let him know you’re not going to interrogated or spazzed out on. Agree to real actions to mitigate problems (ex. You agree to tell him where you’re going and when you’ll be back. He agrees not to call unless it’s past the time you’ll be back.) If you’re unable to do that, then you need to get out of dodge.
/$0.02
@WIP
Yep…this is where compromise comes into play. If he isn’t willing to meet half way, then he’s selfish and she will constantly find herself on the stand trying to justify everything.
I’m pretty sure my boyfriend (who, incidentally, often likens himself to a woman when it comes to love and relationships) has this
-You don’t think there’s anything wrong with this question? Help me y’all. What am I missing?
LMAO!
* cackle *
DEAD….
smh
Damn!!!
I did…I just wasn’t gonna say anything.
My initial response was leave his bytchass alone, but she loves him so that’s kinda harsh to say. Thus, I’ll agree with WIP’s advice.
**disclaimer…I despise men who are passive aggressive or in any way catty, gossipy or resembling in characteristics that are traditionally deemed female. My initial response is rooted in that. Your boyfriend may be great.
That.is.all
how exactly did you handle that the first time he told you that he felt like a woman when it comes love and relationships? like…how the hell do you respond to that or deal with that? doesn’t that drive you crazy? is your dude like kevin hart in “not easily broken”? <——bad black movie alert
always emotional and wanting to talk about his feelings and hug and sh*t?
I feel like you all are misunderstanding a lot of the underlying sentiment that he may or may not have expressed.
To understand what context and all he used is important. All I’m saying is its easy to say something and not actually live up to it. He may have been exaggerating on that because he has never been a woman…how would he know, it was just his opinion. So if he was inept, his opinion means less and makes him more man like. If he is dead on, he may have a particular expression of his emotions or a scenario that it comes out.
You can’t doubly negative paint a person. Give credit where its due. Y’all being all republican to Pres Obama like.
Buzz kill ova!
for all the people pointing out that women like that are also married, the moral of the story “you don’t need to be perfect to be in a relationship” lol…simple right? Yet so many people are trying to find perfection in themselves and in others. It ain’t gonna happen, accept that now. Human beings are naturally flawed, know the flaws you can and can’t deal with and take it from there. We are all flawed, every last one of us.
dream killa…I’m perfect! stop attackin my deez swag steez yo!
Um, what is “swag steez?”
I just said style three different ways. You know, Stee-lo/steez/style…no? not where your from? Okay. I am the perpetually corny dude with the bad jokes and its okay…I love me for being different. lol
lol…well thanks for the explanation…I was like what? lol
next time its 99c per request regardless of answers propinquity to misogynistic zeal.
^This is hilarious to me^ I’m just mad I said it so I can’t get all behind it. Grrrr.
*raising the roof*
@nubiankween
(nodding head in agreement) Exactly!
I think you need more disclaimers.
I wish I personally knew chicks like this in real life, so I could contribute more to this discussion. But I don’t hang with those type of broads. But you knowwwww, my mom is kinda dramatic, emotional, illogical all of the above. So maybe I just filter them out, I’ve had my fair share of navigating life through a highly neurotic land mine field so I can empathize. But that was my Mama, I had no choice. I don’t know what yall ninjas on. Otherwise, I have seen such women on the TV before, like Telemundo.
And for some reason I feel like Joe Budden is relevant to this topic. I know, I know ;
Joe Budden and “Relevant” may seem like an oxymoron. But boy is that bish messy! and he seems to like messy women as well.
Clawdavmercy that man is messier than a pig in isht!!!
do i lose my black card for not knowing anything about joe budden other than ‘pump it up’??
@ Yoles
Joe Budden is the new LL Cool J…some of his best songs are about relationships…phucked up relationships.
Joe Budden is the new LL Cool J?… O_o *passes out*
Joey is the most emotional man out there. lol. but he’s insanely articulate and smart about it. and calculated. he makes for great TV.
i was gonna add like six more. the final disclaimer was gonna be that there will be no more disclaimers.
LMMFAO @ “I’m dusty.” !!!!!!!!!
seems like it’s easier to mate crazy than it is to repair it…so the “single” part of the syndrome is a lil’ bit of a misnomer. problem is that by the time you figure out exactly what the diagnosis is…she ain’t single no mo’. and a lot of women become crazy by circumstance (baggage) rather than predisposition (birth)…but put an act-right dude in front of ‘em and they magically govern themselves accordingly. truth be told, i think every man has his own magic spell for makin’ women crazy…and every man has an anecdote to neutralize another man’s spell. we’re all good witches wit’ bad tendencies…or vice-versa.
I’ll add one, tho’ this characteristic may be indicative of other issues/circumstances:
6) Doesn’t enjoy her own company
Maybe ‘cuz I’m a bit of a loner, but I’ve always found it strange when folks say they need someone to accompany them somewhere. It’s nothing for most men to roll somewhere dolo….catch a movie, hit the gym, go to Denny’s/Golden Corral, etc. But many women don’t function like this… they don’t feel comfortable going somewhere alone (even if it’s for their own enjoyment) because doing something alone implies singleness, which is a no-no. While this isn’t necessarily a fxn of SWS, I’ve often noticed that women who can do things solo seem more happy-go-lucky and somewhat content (and consequently, more approachable) in their singleness…they may desire love, but they’re not spending their lives cooped up at home waiting for the phone to ring. These women actually enjoy their ME time, regardless of whether that time is spent vegging out at home or out on the town. On the contrary, when a woman who doesn’t enjoy her own company cannot find a friend or 2 to go with her, she ends up skipping the gym or that movie premiere rather than appear ‘single’.
That’s an extraordinary point. If you don’t even want to hang with you, why in the h.ell would anyone else?
I have five sisters and, being the second oldest, I never felt like I had privacy or enough time to myself as a kid. Now, as an adult with kids once again demanding my undivided attention, I try and relish any me time I can get.
Plus, I actually prefer my own company over most people so I like going out alone. People will think what they want no matter what you do so if they wanna waste brainpower wondering why I’m eating out by myself let em.
This here is one I have a big problem with. People in general that can’t stand their own company are the worst because they constantly have to have outside validation and interaction. I have a homeboy like this and he is constantly on the phone or having someone around. I function pretty well dolo and cherish my alone time (introvert naturally). Chicks who are like this need too much attention and I’m just not that dude.
Unadulterated truth. Love you some you. Get out and just do something on your own. You don’t need a wing man for everything.
“They’re everywhere like a child of Antonio Cromartie.” I flatlined for about 3 seconds and came back to life after I realized that the ink was barely dry on my new life insurance policy.
I know a couple of men who suffer from SWS. I would take an a*shole over a man with SWS any day. I once dated a guy who had theeeee nerve to tell me that I had a curfew. That it was inappropriate for me to have dinner w/ a male co-worker past 7 pm. I had to check him, but I was constantly being put on the stand. I rolled bounced after about 3 weeks.
Other characteristics of SWS?
“It Takes a Village…”
People who constantly invite third parties into their relationships annoy me more than wet socks! I firmly believe in the notion that it takes a village to raise a child. I disagree with the notion that it takes a village to let BoQueesha and Pookie be great in their relationship. It is one thing to seek advice from a confidant regarding a minor issue in one’s relationship. It is another when one lets all of their friends chime in every time there is a problem. I guess it ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none after all.
“It Takes a Village…”
YES.
But these chicks almost never take any of the advice that they ask for. And/or they get mad when you dare to comment negatively on the personal business that THEY insisted on involving YOU in.
It also give the bitter bishes a chance to fill your ear and poison your mind so they can have someone to be bitter with.
More annoying than wet socks? Classic. It’s up to par with Panama’s reference to “Children of the Cromartie”.
“They’re everywhere like a child of Antonio Cromartie.” I flatlined for about 3 seconds and came back to life after I realized that the ink was barely dry on my new life insurance policy
yes. me too.
any shot at that dude is warranted. him and plaxico.
“They’re everywhere like a child of Antonio Cromartie.”
We know at least one person pissed about the Lock Out. Child support’s gonna be a mutha for someone with 9 kids by 8 women? This guy’s never met a condom he liked. This should be some kind of record.
This guy’s never met a condom he liked
BWAHAHAHAHAHHA
and if Obama can ‘find’ OSL…can’t we fix this damn lockout?
im jus sayin…
Um, I hope I’m not one of those Singles with SWS. I figured that it never worked because there was a deal breaker in there for me. I try not to settle. I dunno, why am I defending myself like this?
Oh yeah, it was $2 beer night. Someone take my laptop away from me. G’night.
*snooze*
You have to compromise, but you don’t have to settle…
…unless they mean the same thing.
I think you’re safe personally
I have dealt with every single item on this list and the few other lists I read. I’ve learned to just give up/not indulge the tirade/tantrum…fighting battles with women is pointless. They don’t fight fair, not even the fair ones(which I’m not even sure exist).
My mother is a single black woman w/syndrome. Doesn’t care. I take it most women don’t care after a certain point. I’m beginning to think women look at men as liabilities and just decide to not…(get involved).
I could learn all the science, read all the research, practice all the techniques run all the experiments but no matter how deep I get into it, things will never change.
Sock full o’nickels – Homie don’t play that….syad bish
Disclaimer: this response has no disclaimers. if ya don’t like it, Come and Get Meeeeeeeee #Jigga
as a single guy, i know…actually lemme rephrase that…i knew some females like that. and quite honestly, i can’t really say i *know* them..because i peep this from afar. most of the women that i allow into my cipher, don’t really exhibit these traits, and if they do, i usually fall back until they cool off.
but yes, this syndrome is real, if you disbelieve, get a twitter account. it’s real. maybe it’s because certain females grew up more spoilt than milk 2 weeks past the expiration date. or maybe it’s because certain women have become so burned by the flames of love, from the actions of a man that they have love for, that part of the process of that healing, is to wrap themselves in SWS like a cocoon while they take the time to reshape those ashes back into the butterfly it once was.
but like i said, this exists, as a single guy seeking marriage, i run past these chicks. and i wish my more level-headed logical bredren would also leave these females alone…
but dogs gotta chase that cat though, lol.
oh, and May the 4th be with y’all.
I have an unmarriageable cousin like this, or at least that’s how my husband describes her. He says that no man will marry her because of her general unpleasant attitude and need to show off how independent she is and how well she can curse people out. Marriage is one thing, but I’ve got to give the woman credit: she’s been engaged at least 5 times. And every single one of those engagements has ended with all of her girlfriends sitting around the Situation Room and sending in commandos to retrieve her stuff. She’s still available y’all, so if any one of you fellows out there thinks you might want her, let me know.
i cant tell if this was an endorsement or a cautionary tale. i’ll just go smell a flower now.
That was no endorsement, still there are plenty of men out there who like their women crazy.
…every single one of those engagements has ended with all of her girlfriends sitting around the Situation Room and sending in commandos to retrieve her stuff.
iDied
in the words of Audrey Hepburn – “happy girls are the prettiest girls”
And this is why smiling is a 2-point bonus on a 1-10 scale for me.
Cosign. Same here. Hell, a good personality can bump you up 2-3 points
so a lady can possibly jump from 7 to 9 just from smiling?
makes too much sense
A smile can take you a long way
Betty Wright says “You can’t show your teeth to every guy you meet”…sorry couldn’t help it lol
i’m always smiling!!!!!! except when i’m not
but i do believe… smiles bring beauty from your sprit into your eyes, from your eyes into your face… and spreads good tidings…
Hallmark game proper
“a lot of men enable this behavior and even encourage it, which is how all these women manage to snag men while their single friends are left scratching their heads wondering if all men really do like crazy broads.”
THANK YOU!!! There needs to be some sort of database where crazy broads and crazy dudes can meet and mate amongst themselves and leave the rest of us alone.
“…meet and mate amongst themselves and leave the rest of us alone.” love it!
i thought thats what happened on Twitter…
Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke?
It does exist. I know a few of these women. I think location plays a major role in this. I think you’ll probably find more single women with SWS in Atlanta, DC, and NY than you’ll find in other parts of the country because of education and economics. But I also think the reasons you gave are completely legit. While men get most of the blame for being unreasonable and selfish I see women being unreasonable and selfish. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again a “real man” just wants peace of mind more than anything and will adjust to the situation to get that “peace of mind”.
Are there more characteristics?
Yes indeedy
A rigid hard position of what they think a man should be.
The problem with this is that the characteristics they believe so hard in that a man should be totally contradicts what is needed to have a long functional relationship.
Not knowing the type of man that works best for them
This ties into the previous characteristic. What you want and the whole idea of what you think a man should be may not be what is right for you.
Looking for someone to save them from themselves
Instead of taking ownership and responsibility of where they are in life or issues they have they are looking for somebody to accomodate and cater to those issues instead of tackling them head on to make them a better person. Making yourself a better person increases your value of finding a mate.
Believing it’s a man’s duty as a man to put up with your ish
Thinking it’s part of a being a man to shut up, be tough, and deal with unreasonable BS.
Not willing to step out their comfort zone
Some women with SWS will not stick out their neck an inch. I believe those that step out their comfort zone and accept some risk in dating have more control over meeting the right person. Sitting back and sorting through what falls in your net is a waste of time and energy.
A rigid hard position of what they think a man should be.
Amen. I know someone who has this hypothetical dude she’s waiting for. Tried telling her that while the Idris Einstein-Obama navy seal- urban poet composite *may* exist, he hasn’t been spotted lately. Nothing doing. She’s not bitter though. Just waiting.
“Tried telling her that while the Idris Einstein-Obama navy seal- urban poet composite *may* exist, he hasn’t been spotted lately.”
Lemme know when you find him, doe. Especially whilst wearing his navy uniform. Rawr.
If those two before the last one aren’t the truth…I never realized how much I saved women from themselves until they told me. Made me feel like a hero somewhere between a Tyler Perry character (although I certainly fall below the bar in the looks department) and Indiana Jones (many women would say I fall below Harrison Ford as well). As far as the duty thing, I get that we’re supposed to be the strong ones…but I’ve carried people far too many times to have any desire to do it again. There’s a reason that ‘Footprints’ painting is about the Lord. Normal men aren’t meant to do that.
Not knowing the type of man that works best for them
What you want might make you cry and what you need might pass you by…
*Believing it’s a man’s duty as a man to put up with your ish*
LOL – they all believe this. It’s just amplified to an extent where it cannot be accomodated in the woman suffering SWS. If you are a dude and you’re in a relationship you are GOING to put up with some ish. You are not going to escape this.
i’ma woman and i approve this whole message.
“Not knowing the type of man that works best for them”
i think that’s something that most women have to learn by trial and error. so much of our socialization beginning in childhood is centered around getting coupled up. so u enter into adulthood with a lot of ideas about ur furture man and urself that are just that. ideas. they make sense on paper. it takes a lil testing and a whole lotta self-reflection to get it right. some things you thought were dealbreakers aren’t at all, and some of the things you thought you cld compromise on shld not have been compromised at all. welp, u live and (hopefully) u learn.
“Looking for someone to save them from themselves”
* singing Adele *
Next time I’ll be braver
I’ll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I’ll be braver
I’ll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet….
but really, I think that’s a really important point. for so many of us, the search for a mate has a lie laying beneath it. we aren’t enough/we aren’t lovable/we need something else to make us whole. 1) it’s not true. 2) no one can do that for you, it ain’t gonna happen.
like someone (i think it was nikki giovanni, but maybe not) i saw speak once said, “he can’t love you into wholeness. you’ve got to do that for urself.”
“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again a “real man” just wants peace of mind more than anything and will adjust to the situation to get that “peace of mind”.
Eff it…say it one mo gin!!!!!
Great read on SWS – but it’s funny how example numero two did smell a bit like it would come from a sista — *jus sayin*. But on to the main issue – this is true. And as a SW, I find it just baffling that the men I meet are trying desperately hard to forget the crazy exes who fit all 5 of your examples — yet, they weren’t exes to begin with. So – yes, some women are crazy but there are crazy arse men who will ‘see’ it but overlook it because of the one of the following: 1. BB syndrome (Big Booty); 2. Sunshine syndrome (Harlem Nights – yasss). 3. Skin Syndrome (you know what I’m talking about). 4. Kitchen Syndrome (She can cook). 5. $$ Syndrome.
a chick who can cook gets points, but dont believe for a second a man is betting the house on that.
I don’t really know too many women who fit any of the first four – maybe I have before, but I don’t feel like trying to think of any – but that #5 es la verdad (apologies if I messed that up: 10 years is a long time). I’m not going to say men don’t do it too, but I think men are more willing to bend. At its worst, such action could enable SWS – as some commenters above pointed out – but I think men are more flexible when it comes to whom we’re willing to date.
Wait a minute…
6. Ruled by (usually single, often with SWS symptoms of their own) friends
Never, not never in the history of neverdom have I heard of a man asking his friends whether he should go out with a woman. Nor have I ever seen a man ask his friends whether he should try to dance with a woman at a club or walk up to her at a bar or anything else. We’re also less likely (in my experience) to accept negative commentary coming from our friends, although there are certain exceptions.
If friends say she’s stuck-up, we don’t take it to heart. If they say she came out of the Lonely Hearts Motel at 3 AM with another guy, we’ll take heed.
7. The entire soundtrack to their lives consists of female artists who started in 2000 or later
I’m not talking about every artist that started since then, but if she has an Alicia Keys vibe she probably has some pre-2000 stuff in her mental/experiential catalog. If her life seems like nothing but albums from Fantasia, Keyshia Cole, or Nicki Minaj…run for the hills.
8. Says the famous “I don’t need a man” line just to hear herself say it
No, she’s not the same as Miss Independent…and if you run across someone who says otherwise, run. I’m not even saying that every woman needs a man. I just think that women who proclaim such things so loudly either 1) are trying to convince themselves – possibly to mask SWS traits, or 2) are truly serious, in which case I’ll be more than happy to let them prove it.
9. Dangles men along as if it’s all a game
We all know the type. She’s the one who’s likely to have a man hanging on a string. Loose Ends. Plays hard to get on All-Madden level, and just when a man is about give up after all the effort he’s put in and cut his losses, she gives him just enough reason to keep going. Rinse and repeat, until he finally breaks the chain.
7. The entire soundtrack to their lives consists of female artists who started in 2000 or later
I’m not talking about every artist that started since then, but if she has an Alicia Keys vibe she probably has some pre-2000 stuff in her mental/experiential catalog. If her life seems like nothing but albums from Fantasia, Keyshia Cole, or Nicki Minaj…run for the hills.
This is real. I’d argue the music/culture of SWS becomes self-perpetuating. Women who believe so strongly in the messages of these artists ought to look behind the curtain (same as guys who figure the music video life is real). Beyonce (married), Keyshia (seeming LTR/mom), A. Keys (married/mom) – are they really representing you if you can’t seem to maintain a relationship?
A rigid hard position of what they think a man should be.
Amen. I know someone who has this hypothetical dude she’s waiting for. Tried telling her that while the Idris Einstein-Obama navy seal- urban poet composite *may* exist, he hasn’t been spotted lately. Nothing doing. She’s not bitter though. Just waiting.
I’m guilty of doing some of these things, sometimes more than others. I thought I was single because I just hadn’t found the right dude. Turns out I’m to blame? Is that the point of this post? Or just observation? Hmmmmm… I’ll revisit this post more later to see what others are thinking/saying.
Depends. What exactly were you doing?
Some of the tendencies listed above.
Like, I’m not normally someone who complains too much, but I do have my days.
I do have pity on the dude who dates me RIGHT after the one who messed up pretty bad, because my trust issues are still fresh and I can put them on stands because of it. It’s not really the next guy’s job to right the wrongs of the last guy…although some understanding would be nice, since we all have a bit of baggage.
Plus, I would say that the trust issues were earned after I trusted the wrong dudes and now I’m a bit hypervigilant the same thing doesn’t happen again. Basically, it’s not that I don’t trust dudes (although SOME I don’t), but that I don’t trust MYSELF, because I’ve picked the WRONG dude before. But, I shouldn’t make dudes audition for my trust. Or should I? Who knows?
I have the baggage/damage you’d expect to find in a chick who was a nice Southern gal with no dating experience who then moved to the NYC dating scene to fend for herself. I have plenty of friends, so I guess THEY don’t think I have SWS, but I do have those tendencies when it comes to men, so should attempt to nip it in the bud before it’s a full-blown syndrome.
Well, I give you points for admitting it, which goes a long way towards resolving the issues you have (very cliche, but it’s true). A lot of people don’t have that type of awareness about themselves, and instead will claim their craziness/insecurity is the fault of all 1,268 people they dated before.
Much respect.
So, reading the title alone lets me know that this post ain’t about sh*t. In fact, I had to walk away from it because I was fuming. I went on a Twitter tirade for about 15 minutes talking about how we’re always being picked on and yes, I cited the title because I’m a lady and a scholar. And I just KNOW you’re only talking about Black women. It’s written in between the letters in the QWERTY keyboard! I cannot believe you’d say that all single women had some sort of disorder! That’s really low! And I’m sure you snuck that silly joke about kids doing math outside (I cracked up so dayum hard with a mean-mug on my face) to throw us off because you heard chicks like to laugh but you ain’t fool me! I know the truth. You hate love, Panda.
…
Basically, I really, really enjoyed this post.
I cracked up so dayum hard with a mean-mug on my face
-Dead… smh.
lol. i do hate love. love is for suckas.
Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke? Marijuana. Are there more characteristics? And if so, what? Does Panama hate love?
1. Finding stupid reasons to disparage eligible men- “Girl, he ugly. His teeth f*cked up. He drives an Elantra” (Hopefully not all at the same time) These reasons alone are not enough to diss a good man that’s fun, respectful and stable. Comments like this usually reflect an over-inflated sense of self. I’m not saying she should date someone she’s not attracted to; I’m saying she picks others apart as if she herself has no flaws.
2. Hanging on to old dudes- A woman with SWS foregoes relationships with eligible men to keep playing back and forth with the last no good man and doesn’t know how to let sh*t go.
3. Keeping the blinders on- A woman with SWS doesn’t realize she’s keep picking the same type of men and putting herself in the same situations. She doesn’t do any self-analysis; she just keeps looking for the next man.
D@mn good additions WIP… actually according to your list I may actually have… *walks away*
*No disclaimer* They are all holding out for that guy with the massive bank account and killer stroke. They are great jumpoffs though.
moderation
(Cues ‘Price Is Right’ loser music…)
Don’t know why but when I read number 4, that Joe Budden Ordinary Love track started playing in my head. A male “Victim” is 10x worse IMHO….
http://www.ology.com/music/listen-%E2%80%9Cordinary-love-sht-pt-3-close%E2%80%9D-joe-budden
he is 10x worse. lol. and he’s running amok.
Still, I gotta give my man dap for smashing Esther Baxter. He gives hope to funny looking lite skint dudes across the globe….
yo…Joe Budden’s smashed off an A-list of women. chicks apparently dig the emo, tortured soul light skint straight talk black man.
Gloria Velez, Somaya Reece, Esther Baxter, Tahiry…..
My man excels at evaluating and securing blue chip um, goodies. His problem is that he dates video “models” (I use that term loosely, pun intended) then acts surprised when they turn out to be of loose sexual morals.
Add that on top of some very glaring insecurities and you have a recipe for disaster.
Peep how I clean I kept that last post. I’m proud of myself.
*throws “Squeaky Clean” blue and white glitter*
That Frank Ocean track is hot though…
I agree with this post all the way!
Another add-on would be the:
“I DON’T NEED A MAN!!!!!” (capitalized on purpose) woman.
When you’re constantly screaming that you don’t need a man, why would he stick around? Furthermore, why would any man flock to that? Okay, so you can do this yourself, well then…do it…ALONE.
In my experience, men like to feel needed, they don’t want someone who’s needy, but they like to feel needed (and they say we’re “difficult”)…gives their little ego a boost. Oblige them.
In my experience, guys *prefer* a woman that’s needy. Needy women always have men.
@WIP
“In my experience, guys *prefer* a woman that’s needy. Needy women always have men.”
Bulls**t. Not all of us. Those Steve Harvey want to be called “Big Daddy” type of guys prefer needy women. They feel that moving big rocks, killing animals, and taking care of grown women make them a man.
I’d go out on a limb and 96.73% of men prefer women that are needy.
my “that”s and “who”s are all mixed up today. as always, take grammatical errors as love.
#Team3.27
Needy women cling, and her momma didn’t name her “static” so she gotta bounce.
If you see what I did there just snap your fingers wherever you are.
*snap*
“dq
im late, but im snapping.
drake is gonna call you for your well places puns.
yeah, because they need them.
Like I need food, and I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make sure i have some.
you know…its funny b/c i’ve had arguments with exes about this: cuz i’ll say i dont need you, i want you in my life and theni get in trouble. women on the other hand just stop at, I don’t need a man…and wonder why we leave.
you know, i lost my point.
“cuz i’ll say i dont need you, i want you in my life ”
awww I would be blushing n stuff
we had a whole post about this…and you’d be amazed at how many women disagreed with that.
I don’t disagree. At all.
I’ll be the first to say I have a problem trusting people (read: men…but everyone in general). I swear I do.not.know.a.faithful.guy. Period. Not one. Never met one. #noshotsfired
But that’s not why I’m single because others have alluded to the fact many women that are married exhibit these SWS characteristics. Part of my problem is that I’m unemotional and non-confrontational and I guess menfolk like those crazy chicks…
At some point you just have to put yourself out there to be found. If you know trust is your issue, then you have to make actual effort to change that. I was told a couple of times I was unaffectionate. So in my next relationship I made an effort to touch, say sweet things, etc. and now it’s part of me. And there are men that appreciate a calm disposition.
IMO trust has be earned by consistent trustworthy behavior over time, but she does have to allow someone to demonstrate they are trustworthy.
Hmmm…I’ve tried making the effort to be emotional and show affection. And for me, it felt so forced. It just didn’t feel like I was staying true to myself. IDK. Maybe I should try it again on my next
experimentboyfriend until it becomes natural.As far as the trust, I do make an effort to give everyone the benefit of the doubt…but something ALWAYS happens (not to the extent of the cookie PJ wrote about).
Aside from this issue, I think I’m a good catch! lol
It felt unnatural to me too first- because it wasn’t. I was overriding my natural inclination to just sit there and making myself stroke his ear (or whatever) LOL. Or even worse- use a “pet” name. “Baby” and “honey” still don’t sound right coming out of my mouth, but when it makes that person feel special. I’m willing to experience a little discomfort to make the right man feel good. #pause
I don’t know what to say about the trust issue. Trust people until they give you a reason not to- but once they give you that reason, stop there. I think I usually messed up because I had clues but ignored them.
Good points on the affection, WIP! I’ll keep at it (once I get a man, lol).
But, yes, the pet names are the worst! Lol. I’m going to keep at it!
Number five is by far the worst offender I’ve seen in women. Chicks be running around here cold selfish then act surprised when a worthwhile man doesn’t want to put up with it. Though strangely enough, they are usually the type that keep more than a few dummies on deck.
I guess you should never underestimate desperation.
LOL, Dummies on Deck. I’m telling you right now, I’m stealing this phrase… going to use it on Twitter and act like I came up with it.
Yep. You know the type. Will roll out of bed at 3am, then drive across town to take her to the 7-11……around the corner from her house.
Ol’ simpin a** simple dummies.
Oh My Gawd.
*laughingmyazzoffcuzit’strue*
So I guess it’s safe to say #5 Stays Winning??!!!!! hmmnn
lol…that term is dope as fcuk.
Speak on It!!!! *lol*
I think that people who wish to be bunned up, need to stay open to the possibility while accepting certain truths like no one is perfect( everybody has some brand of crazy and varying degrees of sh*t with them). It’s all in how well you match up, with both people being their authentic selves i.e. transparent.
One of those “shots fired” bullets hit me in the leg
I felt the sting of this post, a hit dog if you will. I used to be this broad. And I was damn near in tears reading this post with disgust cause I’m certain I missed out on a lot of great people during my “mad at the world” years. Tumultuous 20s is an understatement. Sheesh, praising GOD for change. Loving the new me, and I’m sure everyone else (who stuck it out) around me is too. 
“praising GOD for change.”
Amen
LOL @ the hit dog.
LOVE your user name GOAL Digger
and appreciate the honesty.
we all grow up at some point.
each one, teach one.
its your turn to help another chick like that.
“Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke?”
I think it does. SMS exists, too. I like to call it “emotional abuse.” LMAO!
From the woman end, I know a chick who is all of the above, and no, she can never keep a man. Whenever she introduces her new boyfriend, the rest of us look at him staring lovingly at her and think, “He don’t know her yet.” LOL!
From the man end, I’ve deal with #3-5. Constantly accusing, constantly blaming other factors for his actions (past bad experiences with certain chicks, “afraid” to take that leap, etc. Gimme a f___ing break), only agreeing to things that benefit him. Needless to say, we didn’t last long. Last I heard, he was dealing with a chick who was basically the female version of him, so maybe they’ll grow together, marry and have crazy children.
@Nell
“Whenever she introduces her new boyfriend, the rest of us look at him staring lovingly at her and think, “He don’t know her yet.” LOL!”
*snickers* I have a friend like this! : )
Ha, I just wrote a post on my blog today called 10 Reasons Not to Date Me….number 5 is totally only my list!! hopefully you’ll read the post.
http://www.alexiswhite.com/2011/05/10-reasons-not-to-date-me.html
Love The List
Love The Disclaimer (gives the women that this post applies to an excuse to believe that it doesn’t really apply to them, so they don’t have to do anything about their poor behavior.)
I don’t think men WANT crazy women, we just don’t have many other options. lol
The reason most of these issues will continue is because of female denial, they refuse to believe that this could apply to them, (like kids with fingers in their ears)
As long as they deny that they are doing anything wrong and blame brothers for not loving their often irrational behavior, we will have these issues.
Great post !
i was going to.
but im not.
the paint needs to dry before i go hard in it.
but um.. i respectfully disagree.
not because im an irrational woman who always needs to be right (im not) – but because the blame and fingers cannot strictly be pointed at women when it comes to relationships. the men we date, want to date, who want to date us play a role as well.
and that’s all i gotta say about that.
Not sure what it is that you respectfully disagree with.
Do you disagree that this applies to you? If so then, thats fine because I am only talking about those to which the subject applies. The topics addresses a syndrome recognized in women. So I spoke in relation to the topic, should the topic address men, I would speak / post accordingly.
Basically I’m only talking about the ones to which it applies, not you, not all, just the ones to which it applies. And my goodness for adult conversation, that has to be okay. You cant be offended for every one else.
And my goodness for adult conversation, that has to be okay. You cant be offended for every one else.
never said it wasn’t.
i disagreed with “I don’t think men WANT crazy women, we just don’t have many other options. lol” because it places all the onus and responsibility on the women. regardless of if she exhibits this post’s characteristics or not.
i was trying to wait until I could articulate myself instead of going hard in the paint.
that was all.
Okay, I hear you.
I definitely agree its a two way street in the grand scheme, of things.
@YaleGent
“I don’t think men WANT crazy women, we just don’t have many other options”
From your post, it seems like you only meet the worst women. I swear, I would love to do a case study on your dating life : )
Hmmm do they do case studies of dating lives?
Okay, Its not that I meet the worst women, I simply observe the poor behavior of a good number of them. I am not alone in this as it is a well discussed issue on this site, other sites and in general conversations that have nothing to do with me. So it’s not a me thing. I am sure I am not the first man or the last man that has said some women are crazy. And that only applies to the women that are crazy, not you if you are not, not others who are not, just the ones that are.
My dating life case study.
Very simple, only dated two girls through out high school, both relationships lasted over 2 years. Both relationships ended on fair terms because of location changes ( i don’t do long distance relationships)
Through out undergrad I dated one woman for three years, a great relationship ended because her career took her over seas.
In graduate school, I have had several dates but I am not dating any one in particular because of my work and study load.
But in general all the women I have dated have been beautiful sisters, wonderfully educated, well mannered, emotionally stable and physically healthy.
Most of the negatives that i refer to in posts are observations of general situations, friend and family relationships and from seeing it in action every day, not by all, but enough to yield comment.
Sorry I have no personal horror stories, it’s entertaining enough watching other brothers engage in theirs.
@YaleGent
“Hmmm do they do case studies of dating lives?”
Probably not, but obviously someone should. At the very least, it would provide a more well-rounded synopsis of an individual’s relationships (of lack of) instead of what is made up in our own heads.
Nonetheless, thanks for sharing your dating details. : )
You are welcome.
I agree that all perception is not reality, but perception is very influential.
I’m not sure about what is made up in our heads, I am, however, well aware of what I observe.
Thank you for reading
@YGnt
But I’m kinda confused… If you’ve only had “positive” relationships, (and I put that in quotes cause we only have your version of events not the girls/women you’ve dated) why do your posts seem to focus on a specifically negative kind of stereotyped women that you say you don’t really know, you’ve just “observed”? And if your own experiences don’t support the “women are crazy thesis” don’t you think in the interest of truth you wouldn’t paint “women”(read: all) under a patently false ideology?
Correction: I never said that “i didn’t know, just observed.”
Statement: It’s completely okay to be confused. I’ll do my best to clarify.
Clarification: I never painted “all women” as anything. I have been very careful to point out, (if you read above) that my posts only refer to those for whom the shoe fits. If it does not fit you then I am not talking about you, or any one else for whom the shoe is ill fitted.
Reply: In the interest of TRUTH. My observations and experiences in life are not limited to relationships, neither are yours.
An observation is not an ideology. I post based on my experiences, simply saying what many others have observed and said.
If the post were about violent black men, I would post about violent black men based on my observations. I addressed this specific post.
I guess the real reason I get so up in arms about the subject is because I feel that it is all so unnecessary. I know plenty of women from various backgrounds who don’t reflect these traits, so I am left to assume that this poor behavior is a choice, and if you can choose to behave that way, you can choose to not.
lol
Ok, I get the clarification but it still seems like your peddling a kind of soft core women-hating-with-a-smile sentiment. And i guess that is your right (pending moderation, lol, hi liz : ) but maybe my real question is why would you want to? Like you said poor behavior is a choice, why choose to focus on things that are part of a negative and (as many women know) untrue cultural ideology, when as you’ve said you personal experience is to the contrary?
arrg. “you=your personal experience…”
Ummm, I’m not peddling anything. I am simply stating my observations. I am not focusing on anything, I am addressing to topic of the post. If we were talking about goats, I would talk about goats.
Here is my issue with your assessment.
1. You think that i shouldn’t say anything about the poor behavior that I observe. Why? I take issue with this because there is very little hesitation on the part of many women to beat down brothers when they behave badly.
You ask “why would I want to ?” I question back why not. Why is it that anytime, any or some sisters are criticized (even deservedly so) for anything, other sisters get upset and offended as if we are talking about you directly, as if some black women never do anything worth criticizing and all criticism is an attack on all black women. The ideal of the perfect victim is ridiculous.
Sorry.
2. In answer to your question, my reason why is simple.
Silence about bad behavior enables bad behavior.
Pretending as if that bad behavior does not exist and is only in idea, will never help resolve the issue. So I speak up.
Some times before a situation gets better, there has to be a conversation that involves the truth… a truth that you might not like hearing.
Yes I have experiences with the contrary but they do not erase my experiences with the affirmative.
Also, concerning your ridiculous statement about woman hating.
I don’t hate women, I love many women personally and in general,
Just not the ones who make the constant choice to be cause and cure of their own issues of negativity while blaming others.
Sorry, but not liking some women does not equal hating all women. Thats a far, dramatic and unnecessary stretch.
In the inerest of not getting all obsidion on this post I’ll just say that although I’m newish here, there does seem to be a surprisingly repetitive amount of really overworn and redundant stereotypes (both men and women). Yours stood out today so I commented. You’re not obligated to agree and you certainly raised an important point about calling out what you see as individuals bad behavior but I take exception with you or anyone really (bill cosby) who doesn’t acknowledge the shades of grey in this issue. To some of your specific points….
“…there is very little hesitation on the part of many women to beat down brothers when they behave badly.
-Again, I’m hearing an undertow of ‘women are to blame, I’m just responding to their blah blahbladitty blah….’ What women? who are they? If your looking at mass media for these bad apples, that is not known to be a source of truth regarding women or minorities. You’re obviously intellectually curious and literate (not pandering just an observation) which is why I raised the question of why you would buy into these tropes. From my pov they, and all ethnic and cultural stereotypes, belong to the lowest common denominator and it seems like a waste to repeat them ad nauseum.
“I don’t hate women, I love many women personally and in general,
Just not the ones who make the constant choice to be cause and cure of their own issues of negativity while blaming others.”
- Doesn’t really sound like it. And if that’s true there should be more proof in your posts. Embrace balance, just a suggestion : )
I openly acknowledged shades of grey by openly acknowledging that i was not casting the statements as general, but applicable to those that represent the statements. However I am not sure if grey was what you were looking for so, it’s not what you saw. You reply back as if my statements are general and I have made it clear several times that they are not.
You say that you are hearing an undertow of ‘women are to blame” and you are insinuating that you believe they are not. this is not surprising because it only proves the very point i have been making about the denial of responsibility. Consider this, its okay to place blame with the guilty, when they re guilty.
You didn’t seem to read or respond to much of my post, because most of your reply had already been addressed there and in the previous posts, or perhaps you did read and decided to disregard them for the sake of your argument.
Perhaps your point about the lowest common denominator is worth considering. Its just seems to me that anytime the issues of black men and women relationships are of topic the same problems and answers seem to be the same, so why the continuation, because if people refuse to hear the answer or attempt the solution then the problem persists on both ends. Why focus on women in this discussion, OBVIOUSLY the post is addressing women. As i said earlier if the post was about goats I would present posts about goats.
It just seem silly for several of you to ask why I talk about women’s issues, when the topic of the entire thread is about women’s issues.
Its like being on a thread about religion and being chastised for speaking about religion. Thats just a silly argument. A better use of time would be to discuss why the issue is relevant to begin with.
Your last statement about me not sounding like I love women is ridiculous and you have proven to be smarter than that in this conversation, remember you statement about the lowest common denominator…
not liking rotten apples does not equal not liking apples,
why is that such a hard concept, I am sure you get that point whether you would like to or not for the sake of this argument.
I also suggest that you embrace balance and understand there are negatives just as there are positives which has clearly been stated in my earlier posts.
Oh ygnt, obsidion would be so proud! Do you notice that your responses are getting longer and more insistent? Maybe people are questioning you because they hear something in your responses you are not wiling to own up to. Your posts have a odd undercurrent of anti-female bias with a kind of ‘just joking’ tag on the end as if that makes it ok. You argue to me that you don’t and but in the 2nd paragraph you say that that you do and its totally rational based on my response. Which its not. Its fine to be contradictory but don’t blame the people reading for seeing whats pretty evident and apparent. You can argue to the contrary but first impressions stick, and unfortunately that is what is stuck to you.
“I don’t think men WANT crazy women, we just don’t have many other options. lol ”
AHAHAHAHA, so I’m assuming with the above, women can continue to use “but there ain’t that many men out there!” excuse with abandon right? Because that it what that sounds like.
hahaha y’all got roped in.
Ain’t nuthin’ but a g-thang baby.
I can’t be right all the time but plenty of people love to figure out patterns, I mean sudoku is big right? rofl
Man, you’s a fool for this one…
“hahaha y’all got roped in. ”
Nah, I willingly walked into it. I’m cool. Hence the laughter. lol
“Hence the laughter. lol”
Yep! I had a CNotes kool-aid grin at the end of my post to make it clear that this sh*t is comical. *cheesin*
I just expect that y’all know what y’all see when you see it in a clear and defined pattern, time and again.
No shots
CNoted Sagey Bear! : ) And we do. We just felt like playing the game today. Sometimes the controversial ones need to be heckled from time to time.
I like being called Sagey Bear now. “VSB RUINED MY LIFE!!!” <~~~should be a t-shirt
(SN: to self…be more CONTRA—VERSHAL, CON-TRA—Ahhh-VERSHAL)
You must like me?
You really must, you make yourself a participant in my segment of the posts, only to say very little and mean or add even less.
If there is anything to be laughed at it’s your need for my attention.
Many people disagree with my posts, many don’t. However they at least can discuss their agreements or disagreements as adults or they ignore the post altogether.
Tactlessly, you stand and vie for my attention with your posts and when you have my attention you are intellectually unable to stand. So to make it easier, I will once again invite you to HAVE A SEAT.
Feel how you will. I found humor and spoke to it. It wasn’t at all about you like you think it was. Peace.
PEACE, INDEED, AND MAY IT LAST,
…can’t we all just get along…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx0Shn5Hvpc
NO! WE BLACK FOLKS!!! YEE AIN’ KNO?
Lighter skins ugly attitude darker skins, Darkernesses hatred lighter skinteds…is all James Raven. (I just got an idea…checking google….okay, well theres a real life man named James Raven…but that ain’t gon’ stop me).
well…good thing im brown-skinnded. apparently this is comfortable ground:
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-spectrum/
You are too affable. Don’t like it!
actually, deep down on the low i’m gangsta cause i do gangsta sh*t.
like tell white lies.
case-in-point.
Oh, now you are just tryin’ too hard….stop it, its embarrassing.
I officially, e-like you. will you e-flirt with me on occassion?
Check []-yes OR []-no
http://nashvillemusicbuzz.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/bigstockphoto_check_yes_431128.jpg
see linked.
I feel Grand. Piano.
West Coast!!!
*Twist both hands into W’s to bang on the VSB message board; getting my igangsta on with aggression*
that was by far the cutest e-proposal on vsb ever.
and by ever i mean in the year i`ve been reading.
Oh mayne. This horse isn’t on it’s way to the glue factory yet??!
*snickers* and yes, I read the post.
Ain’t nothing wrong with #5.
I think Mr. Ed is getting his last dougie in before the inevitable.
A dougie, a wobble, a k-wang, a ricky bobby…just dancing all over the spot.
“a k-wang”
Khia huh?
*Jumps out of the Internet’s 15th floor window*
LMAO!!!!!
I may or may not have done the k-wang at a hole in the wall, or family reunion, a time or two.
May or may not have done the k-wang? Which is it lady?
You know the answer…LOL
I like to dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxi73RQlLB8
Bwahahha!!!!
Flynt Flossy, known across the nation…
And what is wrong with the K-wang sir?
we black. that horse will be riding around providing the ‘hood with hair until armageddon.
CTFU!!!!
y’all stoopid.
i wouldn’t say that being ruled by emotions is a characteristic of single woman syndrome. most women are ruled by emotions period.
now i’ve personally dealt with women who “always put you on the stand”. after a while it just gets tiring trying to defend yourself when you don’t have to. you develop the mentality of “if i’m going to get blamed for it, i might as well do it and have fun while it gets done”. then you realize you don’t need the headache in the first place.
i’ve also dated the “victim”. nothing is EVER their fault. not just in dating. in life. that can also get tired real quick.
“you develop the mentality of ‘if i’m going to get blamed for it, i might as well do it and have fun while it gets done.’”
smdh. Or you just stop dealing with the person who carries on like this. Y’all scared to break up with people around here.
did you see the sentence that followed the one you quoted? why would you be scared to break up with a person? i was real cool before you came in the picture and i know my life will go on without you in it.
Yes, I did. You said you develop the mentality then you realize you don’t need the headache. I was suggesting you realize you don’t need the headache first.
Some people feel like they need to stick it out and don’t want to break up; sometime people think relationships are supposed to be tumultuous.
oh ok. i got you. i’m definitely not one of those people though.
im tired and cynical this morning. so pardon my disposition…
additional characteristic of SWS
-their azz to waist ratios aren’t ridiculous enough to keep them boo’d up.
-they maintain/stick to their standards (good or bad – despite the world telling them not to)
-patience. sure.. we may own shares in haagen-daas, nike, alcohol, or tobacco while enduring biblical draughts…but we wait. because there is truly no other choice. men dont want to be chased.
-heightened sense of bullshiggity sensor. sure, we can be wrong that the dude claiming to like you but never calls you ISNT just about getting in your panties, but usually we aren’t. that dude asking how much you weigh? the dude wanting to give you babies before knowing your last (or first) name? yeah… let me move over to my own corner while sending you to yours.
all of this made sense to me. i really shouldn’t comment post-event and without breakfast.
“they maintain/stick to their standards (good or bad – despite the world telling them not to)”
*snickering*
Love ya KB.
LMAO. Hilarity.
*shooting the love right back at cha*
Love It!!!!!!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has witnessed this scenario. …She’s pretty with the bangin’ body all through her twenties but she only deals with “ballers” who only want her cause she’s good eye candy. She would like to THINK she’s more than just her looks, but the problem is, her personality(or lack there of) says otherwise. She never really pushes herself to her potential because the “big baller” she’s gonna one day meet, will take care of her for the rest of her life(eff yo college). Fast forward to her mid-thirties and she’s man-less, child-less(or either has so many that nobody wants her), career-less, and now the bangin’ body is 60 pounds overweight. At this point, she’s tryin to holla at all those “regular” guys that she used to dis’ who “just” went to school or got a trade and are now doing VERY well, but guess what?…They don’t want her a** and it turns her into more of a b*tch than she already was, just more angry. Fellas, can I get a AMEN from the congregation!?
I believe Prof. Mike Jones spoke to this issue in his dissertation “Back Then”
“dissertation”?
*__________________*
Haven’t I heard this somewhere before…?
This is a classic situation. When women begin to loose some of their sexual value (in biological terms) they begin to search for substaintial men or in other words “betas”. Women like Alpha men who are dominant. Dominant is synonymous with powerful when you put the societal/human constraints on top of the biology. This “power” comes in many forms (physically, sexually, financially). They usually begin to want a “good dude” once they reach their mid twenties and psychologically key into the fact that there and millions of women out here who are younger, in better shape with no kids, stretchmarks and baggage who are on men’s radars. Men are visual and women know this (which is why they do things like weaves, hills, tight clothing, make-up…etc). I think its soo funny when these washed up women want to begin to deal with “regular” dudes once they begin to loose their fire. I be shaking my damm head and laughing at it all..
Mid-twenties? Mid-twenties? Washed up in their mid-twenties? LOL… dude seriously?
i wish i had time to read all the comments. i feel like there will be epic ones.
i’m glad you wrote this post. really glad. lol. funny how women with SWS stay boo’d up. further cementing the fact that women are not the crazy ones.
@Muze. We gotta get it from somewhere.
Nah, women are still crazy. But since yall are the keepers of the warm n’ gushy, there will always be a man willing to put up with said craziness.
It’s the circle of life. Or something.
Agreed.
Until I realized that there are a ton of homosexuals who must’ve gotten to that “Fcuk’em all” point. Okay, okay, I know it ain’t about that…but it fits
Man, tha timing of this post is hilarious. Talk about crazy, I was watchin tha Steve Wilkos show yesterday and this crazy, angry, bitter broad brought her husband on the show for his third, I repeat…THIRD lie detector test! No mind you, he’s past the first two with flying colors but she’s so paranoid about him cheating, and treats him like sh*t because of her own insecurities, that no matter what he does it’ll never be good enough. The host asked her, “if he passes this latest test, how many more hoops does he have to jump through?!?” Her reponse? “As many as I need him too!” Wow! Really? And he’s just standing on stage like a simp because he obviously loves her, but damn…can u pull ya balls outta her purse and reattach pls?
So he passes tha third test, she passes hers with flyin colors and they cry in each others arms only to accuse, and be accused another day. Are there really women out there that insecure? And who are tha fellas willing to go to those lengths to prove their love? Once maybe, twice “no”, but three times? On national tv?? C’mon man!
“I was watchin tha Steve Wilkos show yesterday”
That show is effin’ terrible.
OK, I had to mull this for a couple minutes before I could continue. Why the hell were you watching this?
*shrugs* it was on, I was bored, ain’t have sh*t to do but be amazed at the dysfunction of others. Lol
Don’t know what time his show airs in your area, but if it’s 1 or 3 (adjusting for time zone difference) may I suggest Tamron Hall and Richelle Carey at those respective times. They certainly fit the looks requirement you talked about in the comment below.
Don’t know what time his show airs in your area, but if it’s 1 or 3 (adjusting for time zone difference) may I suggest Tamron Hall and Richelle Carey at those respective times. They certainly fit the looks requirement you talked about in the comment below.
Yeah, I know all about Tamron. In my mind I’m mormon and she’s wife #4.
Ya know, what Tx10inch, I’m with you. I am a dysfunction magnet. But, I’m a writer doe. <<< I can use this excuse for just about anything.
Someone: Um, why you steal that baby’s candy, doe?
Cheekie: I’m a writer.
Someone: Ah, well that’s fine. Mine giving me some of the candy, then?
…
Some Other One: You haven’t been maintaining your keep at work. You’re now on probation.
Cheekie: I’m a writer.
Some Other One: Ah, well why didn’t you open with that? Here’s a raise!
@ Cheekie
Hmmmm, I should try dat.
Me: Hi beautiful stranger, I’d love to take you in tha store restroom and blow your back out.
Her: Whaaaaat?!? How dare you? Police!
Me: But I’m a writer
Her: Oh…ok, don’t misspell my name doe.
Now you got it! Lemme know how that goes, Mr. Ten inch scribe.
lol, Naah just kiddin….strangers in strange places i.do.not.do. But I WILL use it to get free gas. 4 bucks out here! smh
I hear THAT!
this is funny as hell.
Steve…Jerry Springer security Steve?? He got a show?? Wow
Does he just break up fights for an hour?
No he has an actual show, where he interviews folks.
It.is.horrendous.
On the real, that’s pretty sad.
And he constantly tells folks that he believes to be horrendous to get off his stage and/or don’t sit down in the chair. That part is the highlight of the show. Like, you know you low when you can’t even sit down in the chair that is clearly set out for you as a guest.
He shouldn’t play with people’s emotions like that
*mumbles under breath* you set this nice @ss chair out here, won’t let nobody sit in it…aight Steve…I see how you are…fcuk yo chair and yo couch
Cosign. Extremely terrible. But I only watch if tha women are fine. Truth.com
“As many as I need him too!” Wow! Really? And he’s just standing on stage like a simp because he obviously loves her, but damn…can u pull ya balls outta her purse and reattach pls? ”
*PushingUpDaises*
CTFU
“I was watchin tha Steve Wilkos show yesterday”
Admitting that might be the fastest way for your following comment to lose all credibility. I’m just sayin’.
*snickering* I wanted to say it…but…
@Young Brolic
lmao. I KNOW it’s a horrible show people! We ALL watch horrible shows from time to time. #anyrealityshowonVH1rightnowanyone? Just relayin what I saw to today’s topic. *play jumps at you* do somethin!
Yeah, I definitely have watched stuff that would make the Steve Wilkos Show look like quality programming akin to 60 Minutes. The simple fact that you gave us a blow by blow account from a show hosted by the designated fight referee from the Jerry Springer Show is beyond great. Then, you found truth in a show that is may be the equivelant of a real life talk-show version of professional wrestling, and is as fake as Traci Bingham’s tatas. You sir, are winning.
*e-daps Young Brolic*
So, I’m reading the descriptions (pointers), trying to be honest and admit to traits I have displayed and/or whatnot. And the whole time, I’m comin up with past situations, I’m thinkin in my head, “YO, my ex hits ALLLLL des.” like WTF…
#SingleMendoitTOO!
Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke?
It most certainly does, but truth be told alot of the above mentioned characteristics — my married girlfriend displays and her husband seems to LOVE IT!! (not like he has a choice anyways) *snickering*
As for myself I know I can be a hand full at times I am mixture of 1 and 5 but not to the point that it’s hindering my social/dating life. I am single right now and enjoying SingleLand because I don’t have the desire to put in the work/effort that it takes to nourish and develop a relationship. I suffer from RADD. #RealTalk
*SookiShrug*
the first time she shows up at his house and murders him she gets away with it?
dead at the lace-thong curtain. i’ll be damned if my grammaw didnt have a good few of those around the house…
dusty. *chortle*
Pretty Avi!
i’m 100% sure this is going to be something simple and i’m also going to feel inadequately tech savvy afterward, but…what is “avi”?
accommodate a sista CNotes!
@sistaPOEt
All good girl! I’m not all that tech savvy, so I won’t front. : ) Basically your picture. But since most of us are at least undercover nerds, you would likely appreciate the “urban” definition of an Avi (short for Avatar): An icon which represents a user in a virtual reality/Internet setting.
in that case, thanks! *adds to sticky-note on computer screen*
I don’t know why but “eeees no bueno” just made me laugh for like 3 minutes straight. And you already know 3 is an awesome number.
lol. beeeeeeeeeeeeeehave. va va va voom.
*I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, women are just better people.*
Can I extend this idea one step further? This is why black women are angry. They are disappointed because their outreach is generally not reciprocated or matched. And they have a point. But there is a larger picture. Walk with me.
ThatDamnAfrican hit on a gem earlier today, “However, women have to realize that sometimes you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet.” Compatability is as MUCH about timing as it is anything else. Outreach and sacrifice are worthless to the man who doesn’t appreciate it. He should have to EARN that.
If all the fruit you ever picked was unripe, then you might tend to believe that all fruit is bad. It’s not, but you have to let it ripen. And if you are unwilling to wait, if you would rather pick the fruit now, afraid that if you don’t you won’t have any fruit, you will always be left with a bitter taste in your mouth. Or if you pick the rotten fruit, rather than no fruit at all, then you’ll still be disappointed and even angrier. You can’t hurry nature. It’s ready when it’s ready.
You can’t hurry love/no you just have to wait
She said love don’t come eee-zaayyy/it’s a game of give and take
*throws e-panties*
With “e-pant!es” I am DONE. LMAO!
YS is a damn fool. LOL.
@Yeah…So
*throws e-panties*
You are the crazy lil sister I’ve always wanted!!! : )
Thanks CNotes… but… uh… ain’t we the same age?
#ImmaturityGameProper
@Yeah…So
“#ImmaturityGameProper”
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way (sh*t is still funny though). I will be 34 this month. How old are you?
(crosses fingers on < 33)
Oh?… ok, yeah little sister it is *ding ding ding*… *gazes into the distance at dirty 30 approaching in November*
(wipes the sweat off my dome)……..whew!
Speaking of which:
Wipes the sweat off my dome
Spits the phlegm on the street
Suede Timbs on my feet
makes my cypher complete
Sorry. Lyrics play in my head ALL DAY!! : )
I feel like I know this one… tip of my tongue. (hey hey get your minds out the gutter!)
You’re the only one with the mind in the gutter……as usual. LOL!
The song is “The World is Yours” by Nas.
I knew I knew it!! Ahhhh… thanks. That “suede timbs on my feet/makes the cipher complete” was gonna drive ME CRAZY!
I agree with this..and it’s a place folk have to get to, patience is a virtue.
“Compatability is as MUCH about timing as it is anything else. Outreach and sacrifice are worthless to the man who doesn’t appreciate it. He should have to EARN that.”
Just go ahead and pass the plate around, and open the doors to the church.
“Compatability is as MUCH about timing as it is anything else. Outreach and sacrifice are worthless to the man who doesn’t appreciate it. He should have to EARN that.”
I agree w/this statement. that is all.
*places wad of cash a la Prince Akeem at the Ms. Black Awareness Pageant*
*places a chicken bone in the collection plate a la barber from My-T-Sharp*
“I thought it was a trash can!!”
DEAD
DQ-this is the real talk! I had to come out of hiding (again) just to co-sign!
I can’t agree more. I think all the early fruit picking comes from the feeling of missing out. It can be hard to stand around waiting for men to “ripen” when it seems as if everyone else is landing someone.
Lots of women can’t or don’t want to deal with being alone thing. Doesn’t seem to matter to them that in the end they wind up hurt and angry over relationships that don’t work out or winding up with men who are not what they want or need in the end.
I think with this statement, you just achieved the Glow….Taimak-style
Ahhhhahahaha!
http://www.ugo.com/channels/filmTv/features/reignoffire/images/dragon_8_th.gif
I might have to make this my gravatar
Keep up that type. I’m ripe and ready.
j/k
LMAO…but I’m saying.
Agree on all fronts
There’s a joke in here about “melons” but since I’m trying to keep it PG-13 I’ll skip it.
*Gets on Good Behavior Boat with SFG*
I am single right now because I keep running. I can’t plant my feet long enough to get caught.
http://skychitravels.blogspot.com/2011/05/washington-dc-u-st-very-smart-brothas.html
I will be the first to admit that I am a bitter b*tch. No doubt about it, I am. HOWEVER, now that I read this list, I see that I’m not as bad as I thought. First, I don’t have entitlement issues. I don’t feel like I’m entitled to some sort of above-all treatment at someone else’s expense. What I am looking for, ultimately, is for my God-given rights to be respected. Right to not be abused, right to be respected as a human being, things of that nature. I don’t make myself a victim of some unanimously agreed plot by the male species to sabotage me. If anything, I sabotage myself. I am my own victim because I am extremely insecure about myself. Now, I don’t manifest this insecurity the way most women do. I don’t call the guy incessantly and harass him and throw jealous fits. I just shut myself off emotionally. I act like I don’t care about him. I tell him he can see other women. I play the “open relationship” game. I can go on and on about how effed in the head I am, but really, there’s no need to manifest my sins like that. what I will tell you is that when I find myself almost exhibiting signs of full-blown single woman syndrome, I take a step back. I use my brain. I try to work on myself and avoid relationships so as not to drag someone down with me. that’s where I feel most women who have this syndrome fail; they think the cure lies in putting yourself out there, but what’s the point of doing that if you haven’t made any steps toward fixing yourself? the truth is that SWS is far deeper. then again, what the hell do I know? I’m single and can’t get a man.
Good list Panama! I’m definitely #1. It really gets in the way of my intelligence at times. Not that I bring drama to the man at the first sign of adversity but it’s definitely an internal thing. My mind over analyzes alot to the point where I may miss the most obvious signs in my face. I’m working on it. It’s getting better as I get older. The rest of the list is not me but I see it ALOT. I can’t stand complainers, people who never trust and bossy b*tches. I clash with that personality type and I’m not even a man so kudos to making it known.
I’d like to add:
*Ms Independent – Now don’t run with this, I’m not talking about women who can provide for themselves w/o the assistance of a man. I’m talking about women who proclaim they don’t need a man. The ones who are so used to relying on themselves that they lose the ability to love, be tender, and listen.
*30 is NOT the new 20 – I actually have alot of friends like this and I completely understand the need to feel like you have alot of time, you’re forever young, etc but the truth is, we’re not. Time is ticking. If being in a relationship is not for you, then there’s no problem but if you’re trying to be with a man, don’t be 30+ and acting like you’re 20. Don’t be in the club, showing your @ss, getting Plies WASTED, playing men, sleeping with boys, and basically not even trying to settle into adulthood and your so called wants for the future.
That’s all I got. I’m 30 and single. I hate it but it’s necessary for me right now because I’ve spent a long time in relationships. Being single may be necessary for the women who need time to get themselves together. It’s not a death sentence. I just don’t want to develop any Single Woman Syndrome or get too comfortable being alone. I got neeeeeds. *Halle voice* lol
“…if you’re trying to be with a man, don’t be 30+ and acting like you’re 20. Don’t be in the club, showing your @ss, getting Plies WASTED, playing men, sleeping with boys, and basically not even trying to settle into adulthood…”
Agreed. I tried to have it both ways for a while (stop it) and realized I couldn’t do it. Something have to give.
You like it both ways? *Beavis laugh*
The “stop it” was just for you! LOL
“I’m talking about women who proclaim they don’t need a man. The ones who are so used to relying on themselves that they lose the ability to love, be tender, and listen.”
Eh hem… I’m a bit older than you my friend and was married for a long time. Guess what… I don’t *need* a man. Now, do I *want* a man in my life? Sometimes, yes, and sometimes, no. I am self sufficient (for the most part- hey, we all *need* someone in our lives occasionally, now don’t we?) But, I haven’t lost the ability to love, be tender or listen to a man. In fact, the last man that I was ‘involved’ with loved to talk a LOT. He said I was so easy to talk to.
And, so what is wrong with being 30+ going to the club, getting buzzed and playing with men? (Notice I didn’t say sleeping with boys.) The way I see it, as long as I have the ability to party and enjoy my life, I’m gonna do what the heck I want. Of course, I’ve done the wild single 20′s thing, the married life thing, the raising my children thing, so I guess now it’s the do what the heck I want thing cause I ain’t getting any younger! LOL
LOL woah woah heeeeyyyyy…Like Panama said, not all single women have these issues. We don’t need men, that’s just a figure of speech. You can replace the “need” with “want”. For me, I think having a life partner is more on my “needs” list but this is figuratively speaking as I won’t die from lack of a man.
Also, when I said 30+ people shouldn’t be in club it was just my opinion. I was at the club in Feb for a friend’s bday. I just see a conflict of interest with women who are over 30, consistently in the club, playing with men yet saying they want a man. I find that to be alittle immature. I’m not referring to ALL single women girl. lol You do you and be happy.
Enjoying your life is key so if it aint broken, don’t fix it.
Okay, first, if a woman wants a man, she ain’t gonna find one in a club! Okay, well, I take that back. You can find a man in the club, but probably not the kind of man that you can develop a life’s partnership with. Just sayin. In my experience, men in the club are there for what some women are in the club for — finding sex, not a relationship.
Yup, I will agree that there are some hoes out there that play and don’t really want to be settled. On that point, yes, they will inevitably end up alone and probably bitter with their life choices. I’m selective with the men I let in my life.
I will tell you that the men I meet at a club know up front why I’m there cause I tell them… “I’m here to drink, dance and play.” I get digits, but we can blame that on the alcohol…lol.
I don’t do clubs on a ‘consistent’ basis. After all, clubbing gets old. I rather meet a man at a park or somewhere ‘normal’. 
BTW, I enjoy your posts.
I hear ya.
Thanks!
That’s all I got. I’m 30 and single.
Things didn’t work out w/your guy?
Despite the love, I had to make a choice on my future and where I want to be. It’s an adjustment that I’m learning to live with.
Understand completely.
hmmm….
no further comment….
Half way through reading the comments and of course NO woman will admit to having these attributes although we all know these characteristics run amuck. This brings me to one trait that should be included: No sense of accountability.
The woman blinded by her foolish pride that she never admits to being wrong often resembles the old lady in the photo later in life.
Or they try to rationalize their faults, dirt or wrong doings while crucifying us for ours.
In order to rationalize, one must posess rationale since it is the younger sister of logic. And since we all know logic is as synonymous with women as snow is with Jamaica, I find it hard to believe rationale could exist in a place logic cannot. So I believe the more fitting term is justify.
“Or they try to
rationalizejustify their faults, dirt or wrong doings while crucifying us for ours”. I aprove this ammendment.Like I said they TRY.
@SoBo and Breazy Taylor
\_ \_
What’s that for? lol
yo’ @ss
Just because an opinion? I hate to see the reaction I get if I state facts.
react to deez.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This exchange has me dying…LOL
laughing right along witcha.
You should have kept reading. A few women did admit to it way before your abrasive ass, loud and wrong ass post. but you were ready to post this well before reading, no?
We need a disclaimer for the extreee folks who are ready to nut up on the offenders before reading themselves. Reading is FUNdafuckinmental
Shots fired
That is true. Lucky for Monk crazy people have poor aim.
*draws a circle
baddest man hit my hand
cosigns.
I’m dusty
This here is hurtful. Why folks gotta be dusty??
lol
Also, what’s with this trend of splitting up and dressing down each sex instead of addressing the whole? It’s not as if one sex is more single than the other. For every roughly 50 single women there are roughly 50 single men. Why are (the hypothetical) 100 folks avoiding (dogging) each other and not pairing up in long-term relationships?
Contrary to stereotypical belief, I am a black woman who doesn’t want to spend her life fighting with black men about who’s more wrong about what. I mean, can we truce this and get some love happening? Daaaang!
If you know you’re a decent guy and are absolutely sure you want to be in a relationship with a decent woman, just say so (don’t be shame) and go for what you know.
**Of course, not right now on this blog. This is not an invitation. I’m just sayin.
Nonsense.
Why?
..third try.
WHY?!
Because nonsense is as nonsense does.
Ummm…yeah okay. Hate for hate’s sake equals nonsense to me. Good luck with your problem Mr SoBo.
@Luvbug,
Please, no hate here. I bring nothing but luv to all the bugs.
I do owe you a serious response, so here goes:
We cannot truce unless we understand where we are coming from respectively. We cannot truce unless we are willing to recognize our own ills via introspective analysis and accept accountability for our own shortcomings. At the end of the day, the mirror will always show one who is responsible for whatever situation he/she are presently in. A truce will only serve the purpose of being a temporary band aid because a truce without understanding of self and accountability solves NOTHING.
Additionally, allthough well intended, your response ultimately placed the responsibility of relationships squarely at the feet of men with the “…you’re a decent guy and are absolutely sure you want to be in a relationship …” line. Is that your way of suggesting that decent single women are single because decent relationship minded men are not approaching? If that is the case, to that I say again, nonsense.
“Also, what’s with this trend of splitting up and dressing down each $ex instead of addressing the whole?”
The commentary here has frequently addressed a belief that 1) the majority of women chase a minority of men and 2) a significant percentage of the male population has no idea how to approach and/or keep women. From that perspective, these types of issues wouldn’t be evenly spread between the $exes. There may be a single man syndrome but it probably wouldn’t have the same set of symptoms. Maybe that will be the next post…?
My bad. I suck azz at multitasking…so my answer is below.
I shouldn’t even be on this thing today. LOL
Why do THOSE single females that display these traits knowlingly think that it’s the man’s fault for not accepting them for who they are, or for not being “strong enough” to deal with a woman like them?
“Why do THOSE single females that display these traits knowlingly think that it’s the man’s fault for not accepting them for who they are, or for not being “strong enough” to deal with a woman like them?”
Because it’s easier to blame the object of their desire than to actually look in the mirror & change for the better.
At what point does one stop to think that it can’t be every man she has dated, slept with, fawned over etc… that is weak or just like every other guy that didn’t stick around to be with her crazy a&&?
Well, I think most women get out of that behavior after they’ve been put on blast (in a non violent, non adverserial way) in some way, shape or form by someone they hold in high esteem. It’s like Aretha Franklin telling Jill Scott she can’t sing after performing a duet-that’s a soul hurt. And any somewhat rational woman is going to do some hard self reflection after a soul hurt.
But like most women or people in general, if they don’t want to change, no amount of blast is going to make them change.
Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke? Yes to both.
Are there more characteristics? And if so, what? Yes. Two words….
SELF DELUSION. Its accountability’s arch nemesis.
Does Panama hate love? Does hate love Panama?
hilarity ensues.
Can hate love?
good point.
absolutely. Hate loves to Hate. Thats why haters are often the one’s closest to you.
so you’re saying Hate derives pleasure from hating as opposed to it being an involuntary function. i suppose it could be both…
if that is, what I said, means, then absolutely. However, your supposition that hate is involuntary and therefore incapable of producing pleasure moves me to question whether you yourself ever felt at odds with anything that you simply desired to dislike and found fulfillment once that goal was obtained. In no uncertain terms am I confining pleasure to the positive affirmations of bunnies, butterflies and ice cream cones. I love double negatives, even more so when they aren’t the symbols but the messages.
2. Constant complainer
Taking this a step further are women who take your situations and have to one-up you with something worse that happened to them. Can I just be frustrated for a minute before you tell me that it is not as bad as the time you had Yellow Fever and fainted getting into a cab. Seriously? Do people still get Yellow Fever? It doesn’t matter, let me have my moment woman!
Sometimes people are just trying to relate to what your going through and it ends up sounding like that…
I guess so… I would be more likely to believe it if it weren’t ridiculously worse situations than mine each time. Like:
I have only noticed this with a few single women…the ones who always seem to be single. They also tend to let you know all of the baggage from their entire life up front. News flash: I met you yesterday and am still waiting on the verdict…how about we try wooing. I can’t handle your ish until I have a reason to stick around (i.e. feelings)
I forgot the examples:
I tell her that I have a headache and she says “I was raped once”
I tell her I am nervous about an exam and she tells me a three hour long story of her quest to get into med school.
I’m single and with good reason. I am (sometimes) ruled by emotions, but only in the sense that when I get close to someone they somehow end up being a disappointment. I’ve learned to keep my distance and let time play out. Eventually, the ‘other side’ of a man will surface if they are not genuine. They are usually an undercover playa (or tryin to be one) or just an a**hole.
A lot of females (and males for that matter) have mental lists of what a man (or woman) *should* be rather than learning about and accepting a man (or woman) for who they are. Seems the expectations are little out of range sometimes. It is easier to ‘go with the flow’ and observe actions and personality more than abs or a**.
I’m not the kind of woman that will interrogate a man– where have you been, with who, what did you do, look at any other bi*ches? Eh hem… nope. If he’s with me he’ll offer that information or tell me in his own time. If he doesn’t want to tell me then that’s all good too. I don’t have to know what he’s always up to and sometimes I really don’t care. Hello… I have a life too and it doesn’t always involve him.
Complaining has never been my thing and I will inevitably screw up something in the relationship for which I will probably regret and apologize for. But, on some things, it is my way with no highway option! Not to say that I have to have *everything* my way, but some things I just will not compromise on. Is that why I’m single? No. I choose to be single — until a good man comes along and shows me his worth. He will value my heart. He will be honest, patient, loving. I don’t think that is too much to want.
And you’re sure you’re single by choice?
LOL… Yes, dear. Getting a man is not hard. Finding a good man is a little more of a challenge.
Yes, I am rather familiar with that violin number quite a bit actually. I believe its called “Waltz Of The Perfect Lady: A Journey To Spinsterhood Concerto”.
LOL, damn
LOL!!!!
(burns invitation to the orchestra)
LOL… I ain’t claiming to be perfect. So, since you don’t know me and I seldom comment here, here’s the scoop… I’ve been married, I have children (by the same man while I was married no less.. lol), and I’m a bit older than most people on this board, albeit not using a cane…yet! lol I’ve been around the block and the world several times. I go back and forth between wanting a relationship and not wanting to deal with the drama MEN create. Yes, I said it. Some MEN create drama like little bi*ches they claim women are. Life ain’t all about having d*ck. Yeah, I said that too. The way I see it, if God brings a good man into my life, then okay. If not, I’m good with it. It’s more like the ‘been there done that’ syndrome. What’s next? Well, I’ll tell ya… since I’m not having no more kids the question becomes 1) do I want a man who wants to be with me because I’m a good woman, partner and companion or 2) do I just want a stud for my bed? There are many dynamics to choosing to be single.
Your turn. 
Life ain’t all about having d*ck.
Thank. You.
(applauds)
Isn’t it though, literally? LOL
Only if you so choose. And most definitely not for lesbians.
Allow me to clarify so that no presumptions are made regarding anything I say. I am not stating that you should just accept any and anybody to merely fill your downtime. “Life ain’t all about having d*ck” Truer words have seldom been spoken, and I applaud those words.
What I am getting at is, what makes YOU (or any woman for that matter) such a ‘good’ catch deserving of the elusive ‘good’ men you speak of? Are they really elusive, or are your blue blockers on too tight limiting your vision? And if they are indeed elusive, perhaps they remain elusive [to you] for good reason. Maybe you’re not as ‘good’ and as you thought. My point is, what are you bringing to the table besides a sense of entitlement?
This is not an attack on you by the way, but an honest inquiry.
“This is not an attack on you by the way, but an honest inquiry.”
YOU LIE!!!
Wow. Really? I don’t think wanting a ‘good’ man that can be a partner, companion, and treats me with respect is a sense of entitlement. I think it is common decency. It is pretty simple really — treat me like you want to be treated. Try to dog me out and your arse will be dismissed, quick. Treat me with respect and tenderness and you’ll get the same.
For instance, a friend of mine, he and I use to talk all the time. Somewhere our conversations changed and we started to use terms of endearment; “honey”, “babe”, “sweetie”, etc. Next thing I know he tells me he feels like he’s in a relationship. Blind sided… WHAAAt? Now how I did that over the phone I’ll never know, but point is that the friendship was tender, loving, respectful, and we were truly interested in each others lives. He is a ‘good’ man in many ways, but there are other things that would prevent me from being in a relationship with him.
There are obviously lots of qualities that go into evaluating what is a ‘good’ man and what is a ‘good’ woman, and that would be up to each individual to assess for their own needs. Think “Make me better” by Fabolous and you’ll get the picture. A partner should COMPLIMENT who you are as person and inspire you to achieve higher standards either personally or professionally.
If I’m in a relationship I’m there and I expect my partner to keep it 100 too. I think my personal best qualities are the fact that I’m understanding, loyal, supportive, and loving. But, as I write this I’m sitting here wondering why I have to justify why I’m a good woman worthy of a good man. I know my worth and it ain’t because I’m high maintenance or have a sense of entitlement. It’s because I’m a woman that when treated right will be with the man that does the same.
wow.
cnotes did you break up with yo e-man? i’ve noticed some serious anti-female sentiments…..
and before you go in on me:
yes, you are entitled to express your opinion, as obsidian long or succinct as champ.
no, you do not need to ‘pander’.
yes, i have a sense of humour,
but behind every sarcastic joke online, is a belief one truly holds.
so seriously, what gives?
@KeishaBrown -“cnotes did you break up with yo e-man? i’ve noticed some serious anti-female sentiments…..
Really? Pointing out the lack of willingness of an individual to hold herself accountable for her current position or perpetual position in life is ‘anti-female sentiments’? Wow. Okay then.
@Sobo
if it was just today’s post, i wouldn’t have said anything at all.
i usually like what you have to say, so try to catch your words, and lately i’ve had the strangest feeling…
that’s all. a simple gal’s opinion.
no more. no less.
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping……you say its a simple gals opinion.
I aint offended. But I know not of which you write.
the fact that you have to have disclaimers piled onto disclaimers tho’…i’m ain’t sayin’ what it says–but it sayeth a lot.
that being said, if SWS does exist…senseless defensiveness might be another symptom, right along wit’ automated argumentativeness.
“A real man wants two things: danger and play. Therefore he wants woman as the most dangerous plaything…” Nietzsche
I think that quote answers the why some men like crazy, outta pocket chics. Personally, I avoid those simps like the plague they are.
Single Woman Syndrome exists. What I find amusing is the assumption that every single woman is expected to have to disease just because they’re single. That’s why I like the disclaimers since not all single women are infected. There may be a little of simple minded behavior in each women from their varying experiences with crazy or irresponsible or unemotional or irrational or diva dude like men but I think that most women realize that moment of WTF themselves & work on it accordingly to their level of self acceptance.
Myself, I’ve never been infected with SWS. It’s just doesn’t make any sense to be that self destructive or self defeating because you’re single. All that energy wasted being vile & bitter when it could be used for something positive in your life. Plus, it breeds & infects others with bitterness & anger, which is never a good thing. I’ve met a few women that suffer from SWS but I don’t suffer them very long & they don’t like me anyway since I don’t agree with their outlook on men or life in general.
Deep.
Men are stupid and women are crazy. But women are crazy because men are stupid.
LMAO!!
LMAO!!! Wow! Folks are going IN today!
I think people are tired of basically the same tired a$$ conversations/discussions, finger pointing etc. I know I am.
It’s rather pointless and trite not to mention boring.
cosign.
AmenT and hallelujer!
I would agree….if only the comment didn’t follow the femme crede of displacing accountability.
Actually, the statement equals both genders displacing accountability.
Men are stupid-they can’t be responsible.
Women are crazy-they can’t be rational.
If irresponsible & irrational get into a relationship, things explode.
Kinda t-shirt worthy… I’m just sayin.
this is the most absolute truth.
and that’s all i ever want the argument of men vs women to come down to.
it’s a vicious cycle of chicken/egg kind of variety.
we all do things to each other that makes us both crazy AND stupid.
we’re different types of beings. i’m getting pretty tired of the navy seal kinda shots on VSB that women can’t/aren’t inherently exhibitors of logic and rationale.
and while i dont expect everyone to agree with everyone, to disagree doesn’t not make one in denial or delusional. let’s find a way to have a discussion without being disrespectful.
for better or for worse, if you are heterosexual and believe that you are by birth and not by choice…we ALL better find a way to live with the good, bad and ugly that is romantic relationships.
*gingerly steps off soapbox.
keishabrown@
thetruth.com
+1
hey!!!! I’m not stupid….I just don’t see the same things as worthwhile points to focus on. How you feel, what you wanted…you know things that mattered to you…I’m focused on what matters to me…that don’t make me stupid. Neh wut
“Profanity is a brutal vice, he that uses it is no gentleman.”
If a woman desires a gentleman, yet, is uncouth in the ways of propriety, is she then a hypocrite that lusts after a companion that is selflessly willing to contribute the lion’s share of effort? Is that not the mark of a perpetually single woman which is completely capable of alluring many suitable romantic partners while still not being quite suitable herself?
Does she know? Does she care? Why would she intentionally ravage another’s emotional sanctity without purpose aside from fulfilling her personal lusts for attention and capitulation?
Fight Club moment of clarity. You never know you are the bad guy until you destroy something you thought you loved.
Everyone is someone’s exception…
Thanks all I got.
Lossidele
AMEN.
I’m going to add women who are ruled by the power of the P. The male or the female…
From the male perspective: women who will do anything for that guy who has them whipped. Forget that he’s doing you wrong in whatever way… forget that you cried on the couch last month and swore that was THE LAST time… and then ran off like a greyhound when he finally called you again…
From the female: women who sleep with a guy too quickly because they think it will keep him around… or you’ve just gotta have it and you think he’ll stay… and after the umpteenth time of poof, he’s gone, you’re still wondering why they don’t stick around… (sigh)
Just my $.02
From the female: women who sleep with a guy too quickly because they think it will keep him around… or you’ve just gotta have it and you think he’ll stay… and after the umpteenth time of poof, he’s gone, you’re still wondering why they don’t stick around… (sigh)
Whether or not a guy sticks around has very little to do with when you sleep with him. The same way that women claim that they know from the beginning if they want to sleep with a man, men know from the beginning if they want to be with her in a relationship. This is true for me, at least. Day 1 or day 120, doesn’t really matter.
I agree and disagree… Some men don’t care (you)… some men do… my point here is sleeping with the guy quickly as a means to KEEPING him around and interested… if you want to sleep with the guy because you want to sleep with the guy, have fun! Do your thing… but sex on the first date to KEEP the guy around… not a great strategy. To me, it says you don’t think you have much else to offer than your body. And maybe that’s true… but if it is, you’ve got other problems to solve and should probably do you for a while until you get that worked out.
WIP – Thanks. Addressing the ‘whole’ for me is not evenly spreading the issues between the sexes. It’s acknowledging that we’ve called out each other enough to move on to the solution as a unit or at least address the shortcomings as a couple and not as teams of rivals. I don’t necessarily agree with the 1 and 2 you mentioned, but if they’re true, they aren’t new problems. I can’t imagine they need new solutions.
In short, I’m tired of fighting and labeling and generalizing. I’ll admit, I’ve contributed to the flogging of men…and it was kind of fun for a few seconds, but I’m bowing out now. If I am or was eva wrong, okay then black man…SORRY! Going forward, what’s the plan to get black love flowing (in a longterm way)?
You know what, you’re absolutely right. I can cosign this.
preach it luvbug.
This single woman syndrome list reads more like a PBS (psychotic bitch syndrome) .
“Some of them look and act like they eat children (no pun intended) for breakfast and drink WD-40 for lunch.”
ROFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFL. What?! I swear ya’ll at VBS have a funny way of putting your points across! Lawwd have mercy on us!
Good convo today. Too bad i was busy workin.
I bow my head in shame.
I can’t help but read Single Black Women. I don’t care what you say.
Check out the revised video. Tell Liz I am sorry about the first one.
Washington DC U St & Very Smart Brothas THREEDEEZ
http://youtu.be/VaCpY7eEmnw
<3 !
I think I e-missed you Liz. I am very accustomed to reading your name as I sift through the comments….and without your name all over the comments, its just not the same.
WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!! lol
LMAO! Awww it’s nice to be missed!!!!
I also miss my e-boo
He says he’s been busy with e-work. Hmph.
Maybe I will try to think up a reply to P’s entry for Thursday.
An ex is a big fan of this forum. She’s probably reading it right now and denying the fact that she has the “syndrome”.
Oh this syndrome definitely exist. Sadly I thought of a few friends when I read this lol
Pingback: Turnstyle » Single Woman Syndrome
Lol I’m late with this one but I gotta say it. MY. EX. WIFE.
I just wanna comment on the blog itself n say its refreshing seeing (using the terms I’ve learned) VSB’s and VSS’s have intelligent and still entertaining convos about random ish lol…This has completely sidetracked me from my CPA studying, causing me to be a bum ALL DAY, but ive read like 5 posts n they have all been quite enligtening…
*just my 2 cents*
Guys,
I was just “surfing” the web looking at some jobs when I came across your website. Wow! I like it!!! Will have to come back to it when I get more time. Anyway, I like the title. I consider myself a “very smart brother.” My mom was a school teacher in Jersey. She had me read more books than I “used” to have hair on my head!(laughing). I worked on cars growing up, was “seriously” into fitness, etc. Got good grades and then moved to the DC area to work for one of those “3-letter” agencies. Stayed in DC area for 17 years. Tried to move to L.A.(twice) but couldn’t find a job out there. Came back to DC area because jobs were plentiful. That’s about it though.
DC is “unequivocally” the WORST place for relationships on the planet Earth!!! Bourgeois, uppity, ain’t about nothing, flauting their degrees in your face, etc. Worst women I’ve ever seen!(And I’m sure the sisters are saying the same thing!)
Anyway, I’ve traveled “extensively” in and out of the country. Drove cross-country 3 times. Worked in computers for 17 years. Cycled for 18 years.(Rode 100,000 miles). Been a serious rope jumper for the last 13 years. Read “constantly!” Have a sense of humor that’s “off-the-wall!” Know how to clean, cook, sew(a little) and wash. Am pleasant 99% of the time. Love museums, acid jazz, traveling, learning, etc. Have all my teeth! Ask me how many women I dated that were actually “about something” when I was in DC area? Four!
Met some REALLY NICE sisters in California though! Wish I was still there! Check out this story I was in in USA Today about security clearances. Google: White House Looks For Faster Top-Secret Clearances.
Will be back to the website. Black women. STOP WITH THE ANGER!! Find out WHY you’re angry and then DO something about it!!!!
single-woman-syndrome is also known as borderline personality disorder
inability for the ladies to control their emotions and lots of things and most of the time their hide it