[***DISCLAIMER #1: Read the post. Don't just react to the title. It ain't single BLACK woman syndrome. I know the title alone just got some thongs in a bunch. - The Mgmt***]
First off, I don’t make Black music. I don’t make white music. I make fight music, for high school kids. Oh, and shots fired.
Second, a definition.
Single Woman Syndrome. noun. a pathological set of behaviors that some women actively engage in that 9 times out of 10 ensures a life of unkilled kittens and grown cats. Not limited to dating, most women who actively exhibit the characteristics of the syndrome tend to be low on friends as well.
[***DISCLAIMER #2: All single women do not have single woman syndrome (as defined). I REPEAT, all single women do not have Single Woman Syndrome.***]
I know a lot of single women. And for the life of me, I can’t understand why the bulk of them are single. They’re good women with great personalities, attractive, they smile, and all seem to be up for some chandelier monkey sex (not that I know from personal experience. A jiggaboo I am not.). I attribute a lot of it to location, the point most of us are in life, blah blah blah. There are lots of reasons basically. And that sucks for them. I’m not trying to cry for them Argentina or anything, but I do hate to see a good set of ovaries going unloved.
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, we got this other sh*t. Let’s just be blunt. We all know a lot of single women who seem to be hellbent on ensuring that they stay that way. Some of them look and act like they eat children (no punt intended) for breakfast and drink WD-40 for lunch. Some are as unassuming as unassuming can be until they sneak up on you and start throwing more red flags at you than Lil Wayne at a communist smoker. And the red flags come. They’re the national symbol of a woman inflicted with Single Woman Syndrome. Antoine Dodson had on a red bandana. Do you know why? Because he has single woman syndrome.
Interesting enough, the same characteristics of SWS are the very ones women hate the most about their friends. Also, just to be fair, two things: 1) a lot of women who exhibit these symptoms manage to get a man, they just can’t keep one; and 2) a lot of men enable this behavior and even encourage it, which is how all these women manage to snag men while their single friends are left scratching their heads wondering if all men really do like crazy broads. It’s a vicious cycle really. Men suck, and we let women who suck be great. At sucking.
Here are the signs of a chick with single woman syndrome:
1. Ruled by emotions
Emotions aren’t a bad thing. We all have them. There are entire songs dedicated to them and a popular singing group from the 60s was called The Emotions. They’re everywhere like a child of Antonio Cromartie. The problem is when certain women allow their emotions to guide all of their actions only to have to undo the damage later. Basically, we’re talking about the kind of people who will read the title of this post, comment on the title alone, and then wonder what the f*ck everybody else is talking about since I’m not slamming all women. Yeah, them ni**as. And it’s not that these women are averse to logic. Au contraire Michelle, my belle. In every other facet of life they can be quite logical and exact. But when it comes to the heart, all bets are off. He doesn’t answer the phone in time? Show up at his house and murder him. The first time something like that happens, you can usually laugh it off, but once you realize that a chick is ALWAYS responding that way, eeees no bueno.
2. Constant complainer
“Hey baby, its 75 degrees outside without a cloud in the sky and the federal government is giving out a free million to everybody to show us how much they appreciate us!”
“It would have been better if it was 80 degrees with at least like one cloud to cover the sun. And it better not rain. And a free million? They couldn’t give us two? Why are you calling me so early?”
“It’s 2pm. I love you.”
“Wait til 230pm next time. Love is fleeting booboo. And why are these kids outside my window doing math on the sidewalk? They can’t take that education inside?”
3. Always put you on the stand
When dating, the worst thing that can happen is to be dealing with somebody who does not know how to trust. It’s not that they don’t want to, they just don’t know how. Even a woman dating the most terrible of guys somehow manages to trust him at some point. Not these women. Nope. Even if the guy has done nothing to ever be untrustworthy, the first time broham even does something remotely off center, she’s got him on the stand defending himself. “I knew if I left you alone long enough you’d take that last cookie!!!!” “Baby, I took it out to give it to you…” “LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAR” “No, it has your name monogrammed now…I love you.” “LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR”
I don’t mean like stabbing victims. I mean the type of woman who is never at fault. If something doesn’t go right, it’s because somebody else ruined it for her. Always. It’s not that dude did anything wrong, it’s just that dude didn’t do anything right either. And now he has to suffer for it. Not that he would know anyway, his girl is complaining remember? There was nothing he could have done right in the first place.
5. My way or the highway attitude
Similar to always having to take the stand comes the perspective problem. Basically, their perspective is THE one that matters. If you step outside of that, you either need to fix your prollem boss or justify why you made this mistake this time.
The interesting thing about these symptoms is that the friends of these women hate these things too and are usually quick to “forget” to invite them out or remember that they exist.
And why don’t these same issues apply to men? I mean, men are just as guilty of all these things as women are are, right? Right? Of course we are, but somehow, a completely flawed man can end up married without problem to a woman he’s about to ruin. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, women are just better people.
Well, at least those who don’t exhibit SWS.
It’s real in the field.
Does SWS exist or am I blowing smoke? Marijuana. Are there more characteristics? And if so, what? Does Panama hate love?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. I HATE LOVE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3