Lists, Theory & Essay

Signs You Think #wegotogether

"How is he gon' take a call from President Obama while he out with me. He must don't realize #wegotogether. And when you go together with me, you don't take calls from other people while I'm around."

Quite obviously the most ethering relationship chasm is the lack of communication. Bedroom wars have been fought. Multiple canisters of Comet have been purchased. Multiple simultaneous relationships have been forged!

Scrrrrrrrrrrrr!  Say heffa say what? Oh no he didn’t! How is it possible that lack of communication could cause somebody to be in more than one relationship at the same time?

Glad you asked.

You see, opaque communication can lead people to believe that they are in relationships that they might not actually be in. I believe Earthlings call it, “leading on and delusion.” I’m not sure how you say “leading on” in Russian, but I’m also sure it leads to death over there whereas here, in America (F*ck Yeah!) it leads to hurt feelings, potential misdemeanor property damage, and social media slander. To be clear, it’s never a good idea to lead anybody on. And I think that most of us know when we’re doing it, even if we don’t want to acknowledge it because it would be admitting that perhaps we are at worst bad people and at the very least, emotionally lazy. But it’s been done to and by the best of us.

I’m sorry. For 2011. I ain’t apologizing for 2010 though.

Oh and how does that lead to multiple simultaneous relationships? Well it might cause some people to operate like #wegotogether, even if we don’t.

See there are some people who eschew common sense and traditional rules of boundary, expectation, and decorum because they don’ no dey daddy. Yes, there are just some motherf*ckers who either don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what’s really going on before they bring the ruckus to your front door. Which, you might happen to be looking out of. Think Twice. Woo woo woo. No Jeffrey Osborne.

So here are a few sure fire ways to determine if you are dealing with somebody that thinks #wegotogether. Or #yougotogether.

But we don’t. Or you don’t.

(These will all be written in first person despite the fact that they’re general ideas.)

1. #youmustthink #wegotegether if we’re texting and I tell you I’m doing something and when I tell you I’m doing something else later, you try to call me out on not being where I said I was.

Not your fight. Not your business how or when I decided to change tasks, vocations, addresses, drawz, or pr0n favorites.

2. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you see me out with somebody that ain’t you and get in your feelings, publicly.

You know, this actually happened to me once. I was with my sister. But because #wedontgotogether she didn’t know my sister was coming in town nor did she know what my sister looked like. My sister likes to give hugs and was hugged all over me (plus she triflin’ and tries to make other women jealous). You know, basketball-wife-in-training type. Ole girl ran up on me like she was MOP and I had jewels on. She should have known the jig was up when I stood there looking at her like she was stuck on stupid, as did everybody else. She wanted my DNA. She got it. DoNotAnswer.

3. #youmustthink #wegotogether if while I’m at your house, your mother calls and you ask me to talk to her. And then SHE proceeds to tell me details about my life.

I’ve always been surprised by how some folks will go hog-f*ckin-wild with their interests to the point of bringing other family members completely into the fold…a month after meeting. Then end up surprised when my momma doesn’t know who they are. Because yes, that happens.

4. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you seriously ask AND expect me to get you a Christimas, Birthday, Easter, St. Patrick’s day, Momma’s retirement, or Valentine’s Day present despite the fact that I spend less time with you than a daddy doing quadruple life behind bars.

It is indeed trickin’ even if I got it. Gifts are for certified boothangs. Web developers have to get certified. Accountants too. What makes you different?

5. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you think I’m obligated to get you into the club for free cuz my boy is throwing the party.

Ruh-roh. This is how you end up on YouTube. Kirk out in the line? Everybody’s gonna catch that on film. I know it’s a recession. If you can’t afford it, recede yourself home.

Ladies? Fellas? Any other signs out there of wayward souls? Is there a heart in the house tonight?

Stand up.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. LINE ‘EM UP AND KNOCK ‘EM DOWN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Fariku

    First!

  • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas

    The usual first sign for me, nobody else seems as attractive or interesting. Like wearing glasses where somehow she’s the only one in focus, everyone else just a bit dull.

  • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you’re an eBoo, but you’re a 3. <3 <– that's a heart, which happens to have a 3 in it. aw.

  • Carolinagirl27

    “Gifts are for certified boothangs. Web developers have to get certified. Accountants too. What makes you different?”

    Hahahahahaha! Too true…it’s a recession I need to spend my money wisely and buying you gifts before you are my official boothang is no bueno!

  • DQ

    6. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you call me to complain and gripe about something I find pointless, irrelevant, or boring, but you expect me to listen.

    I’m not going to listen. In fact if you don’t wrap this up in 2 minutes, I’m going to call myself from another phone, click over, and tell you, “I have to take this call”.

  • xLadyTx

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if u want me to tell u how many dudes are gonna be at an event I planned to go to with my girls.

    Or

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if u proceed to interrogate me about where I’ve been if I didn’t answer the phone the first three times u called…

    Smh.

  • Mo-VSS

    I’ve been guilty of this in the past and have had it done to me. I think for women, the one thing that makes us think we’re together when we’re not is:

    1) SEX There is nary a woman who can’t say the booty hasn’t made her be like “well, that’s MY man”….when, in fact, he ain’t. I know these new age women like to say that they can handle sex with no commitment…and those be the same ones wondering why he won’t call…or why he was with her…or why they don’t spend more time…blah, blah, blah.

    2) TIME When a man spends relationship time with a woman, she begins to think they are together. Men can be (and have been in my situation) guilty of this as well. Just because we spent last week together doesn’t mean we’re together. It just means I wanted the pleasure of your company at that time. If I didn’t say “PS, we should be together too” (yes Slim Shady), then don’t assume that’s what me giving my time means.

    3) MOVIE NIGHT IN, I don’t know why but any time a “couple” has a movie night in, the DTR (determine the relationship) talk is coming very soon. I don’t know magic relationship combo the couch, a movie and some liquor combined seems to elicit but it does. Many a folks have have their feelings hurt thinking that movie night meant “exclusivity.”

    Disclaimer…I may or may not have personal experience with all or some of these. Don’t judge me!

  • Jaes

    Very good points. Can’t lie though… something in the writing wasn’t as polished or smooth as usual. Getting through it was tough.

    My favorite is the WHO WAS THAT… or the HOW DO YOU KNOW _____(person xy or z).
    If more than one compound sentence or 2 simple sentences does not suffice…. #youmustthink #wegotogether!

  • Loving Me

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you make plans for us and get emo when I tell you I got other plans

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you call me 5011 times a day just to “check in”

  • http://www.shellysaysso.com ShellySaysSo

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you invite yourself to my house and/or make meal requests.

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