Signs You Think #wegotogether

"How is he gon' take a call from President Obama while he out with me. He must don't realize #wegotogether. And when you go together with me, you don't take calls from other people while I'm around."

Quite obviously the most ethering relationship chasm is the lack of communication. Bedroom wars have been fought. Multiple canisters of Comet have been purchased. Multiple simultaneous relationships have been forged!

Scrrrrrrrrrrrr!  Say heffa say what? Oh no he didn’t! How is it possible that lack of communication could cause somebody to be in more than one relationship at the same time?

Glad you asked.

You see, opaque communication can lead people to believe that they are in relationships that they might not actually be in. I believe Earthlings call it, “leading on and delusion.” I’m not sure how you say “leading on” in Russian, but I’m also sure it leads to death over there whereas here, in America (F*ck Yeah!) it leads to hurt feelings, potential misdemeanor property damage, and social media slander. To be clear, it’s never a good idea to lead anybody on. And I think that most of us know when we’re doing it, even if we don’t want to acknowledge it because it would be admitting that perhaps we are at worst bad people and at the very least, emotionally lazy. But it’s been done to and by the best of us.

I’m sorry. For 2011. I ain’t apologizing for 2010 though.

Oh and how does that lead to multiple simultaneous relationships? Well it might cause some people to operate like #wegotogether, even if we don’t.

See there are some people who eschew common sense and traditional rules of boundary, expectation, and decorum because they don’ no dey daddy. Yes, there are just some motherf*ckers who either don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what’s really going on before they bring the ruckus to your front door. Which, you might happen to be looking out of. Think Twice. Woo woo woo. No Jeffrey Osborne.

So here are a few sure fire ways to determine if you are dealing with somebody that thinks #wegotogether. Or #yougotogether.

But we don’t. Or you don’t.

(These will all be written in first person despite the fact that they’re general ideas.)

1. #youmustthink #wegotegether if we’re texting and I tell you I’m doing something and when I tell you I’m doing something else later, you try to call me out on not being where I said I was.

Not your fight. Not your business how or when I decided to change tasks, vocations, addresses, drawz, or pr0n favorites.

2. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you see me out with somebody that ain’t you and get in your feelings, publicly.

You know, this actually happened to me once. I was with my sister. But because #wedontgotogether she didn’t know my sister was coming in town nor did she know what my sister looked like. My sister likes to give hugs and was hugged all over me (plus she triflin’ and tries to make other women jealous). You know, basketball-wife-in-training type. Ole girl ran up on me like she was MOP and I had jewels on. She should have known the jig was up when I stood there looking at her like she was stuck on stupid, as did everybody else. She wanted my DNA. She got it. DoNotAnswer.

3. #youmustthink #wegotogether if while I’m at your house, your mother calls and you ask me to talk to her. And then SHE proceeds to tell me details about my life.

I’ve always been surprised by how some folks will go hog-f*ckin-wild with their interests to the point of bringing other family members completely into the fold…a month after meeting. Then end up surprised when my momma doesn’t know who they are. Because yes, that happens.

4. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you seriously ask AND expect me to get you a Christimas, Birthday, Easter, St. Patrick’s day, Momma’s retirement, or Valentine’s Day present despite the fact that I spend less time with you than a daddy doing quadruple life behind bars.

It is indeed trickin’ even if I got it. Gifts are for certified boothangs. Web developers have to get certified. Accountants too. What makes you different?

5. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you think I’m obligated to get you into the club for free cuz my boy is throwing the party.

Ruh-roh. This is how you end up on YouTube. Kirk out in the line? Everybody’s gonna catch that on film. I know it’s a recession. If you can’t afford it, recede yourself home.

Ladies? Fellas? Any other signs out there of wayward souls? Is there a heart in the house tonight?

Stand up.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. LINE ‘EM UP AND KNOCK ‘EM DOWN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

  • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Fariku

    First!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you are so lucky that Liz is busy as hell these days and i’m too lazy to pull the 404 error.

      • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Fariku

        I was equally amazed when I clicked from twitter but back to the topic at hand, I think leading people on is evil. It is evil but we all do it. I get stuck in wanting to be nice and not hurt the person’s feelings that I let ish last longer than it should which makes me a Dr Evil type dude. I think life would be easier if people quit playing “the game” and straight up define relationships to avoid getting hurt

  • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas

    The usual first sign for me, nobody else seems as attractive or interesting. Like wearing glasses where somehow she’s the only one in focus, everyone else just a bit dull.

    • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas

      First sign that i’ve reached the wegotogether phase myself . . .

  • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you’re an eBoo, but you’re a 3. <3 <– that's a heart, which happens to have a 3 in it. aw.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      awww…get in line.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        no.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      LOL @ a 3

      We must not go together if you are an e-boo at all.

      Sorry, but I can’t hug an e-boo or grab his booty. There’s a whole line of things I cannot do to him if he’s an e-boo.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Um… yeah… me too. Either, I mean.

        ( ._.)

        • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

          -_____-

          I don’t even have e-boos… I only have e-crushes…

          wait.

          is there a difference?

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            LOL, yeah it is. eCrushes have turnt into eBoos, doe. lol

            (feel free to DM your eCrushes since I’m nosy curious.)

            • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

              ummm I’ma need you to follow me on twittah so i can do that m’am

              hmph

              *arms folded*

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                I don’t?! WTF, Twitter… I swear I did, but Twitter be randomly unfollowing folks I actually like. Sigh… on my way.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            eBoos, eCrushes, tomato to mah to !

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              LOL, the latter will have you thinking #wegoeTogether, doe. The former… both parties gotta agree to. I think. Sure. Yeah.

              • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

                ohhhhhh??? gettin schooled! lmao

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Both have to do with fantasy land, none of the real life stuff like what they’re like around their peoples and whether they have a life off the Internet or even what they’re like without a computer to hide behind via their Internet self.

  • Carolinagirl27

    “Gifts are for certified boothangs. Web developers have to get certified. Accountants too. What makes you different?”

    Hahahahahaha! Too true…it’s a recession I need to spend my money wisely and buying you gifts before you are my official boothang is no bueno!

    • http://www.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

      +1

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      so here’s what’s funny…i aint saying that its right that dudes tend to break up with chicks before thanksgiving and stay single until after Valentine’s day…

      …but i understand.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        *dead* @ ” i understand “

      • nillalatte

        I always thought it was the other way around… have a relationship (warm body in the bed) during the winter and break up just before summer so they could get their prowl on. Maybe that’s just the dogs I knew. ;)

    • Eddie_Brock

      Damn, I am so out of the loop with ya’ll kids’ slang these days. I kept wondering what the eff is a “boot hang”? 0_o

      *goes back into Lurk Mode*

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Lmao Eddie Brock, that should’ve read ” boo thang ” as in girlfriend or in some cases girl you’re sexing.

        Boo as in the French word beau

    • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

      Too true! I’d welcome a shout out, but I’m not expecting much around the holidays since I’ll be alone, but I won’t forget to shoutout Merry Christmas

  • DQ

    6. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you call me to complain and gripe about something I find pointless, irrelevant, or boring, but you expect me to listen.

    I’m not going to listen. In fact if you don’t wrap this up in 2 minutes, I’m going to call myself from another phone, click over, and tell you, “I have to take this call”.

    • xLadyTx

      “I’m not going to listen. In fact if you don’t wrap this up in 2 minutes, I’m going to call myself from another phone, click over, and tell you, “I have to take this call”.”

      I’m so guilty of this lol

      • YouMiss

        Number 1 excuse: “this is my mama calling, I have to get this call”

        • xLadyTx

          BINGO!! lol.

          Or sometimes, I’ll use “Dang, my battery bout to die. Let me call u back when it’s charged.”

          I’m terrible, I know :-D

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Definitely use the battery one a lot. lol

    • Mo-VSS

      I used to do that in college all the time. With home phones being all but extinct, I don’t have the means to do that anymore.

      • MrsBagnet

        Gmail’s phone feature. It’s free (for now). I’ve used it to locate my cell phone when I lost it in my house, and to call Sprint when my new phone stopped working.

        • Mo-VSS

          Thanks! Love the info

        • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

          google phone *rocks*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      that’s brilliant, tried and true. i don’t think people realize that you can’t take your crap to everybody. you need to find somebody who really cares. i’ll zone out in a heartbeat.

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “I’m not going to listen. In fact if you don’t wrap this up in 2 minutes, I’m going to call myself from another phone, click over, and tell you, “I have to take this call”.”

      I CANNOT believe I’ve never done this. Like, wtf was my brain on for the past 50-lem years? All this time I’ve been using Mama Cheeks to get outta a call and I didn’t even have to use her name in vain. Dayum.

      • DQ

        LOL @ using Mama Cheeks name in vain.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Peeps are so complicated with their lies and schemes. What’s wrong with, Hey, gotta go, I’m gonna eat, take a nap, get back to work, call my other friend, or whatever you are ACTUALLY DOING. I don’t get people….

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          It’s all in good fun. I gotta get creative with my life, ya dig?

          • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            I get it, I just get insulted, personally when people give me fake stories. I know they don’t mean it, but its like you’re saying, not only do I think you can’t handle the truth, but you’re dumb enough to believe this lie. I’d prefer if they said, know what? I don’t wanna listen right now. That’s just me, tho.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      You’re nicer than I am. I’d have just hung up.

      • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

        O_O you’re mean!

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Plus that’s not as fun. I’m straight up trying that “calling from another phone” thang ASAP. lol For shats and giggles.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          It’s the same person who calls to complain that is too self-absorbed to listen to their real friends complain on the phone. lol

          I used to hit them with a ” I’m sorry that happened” pause “so, what are you going to do?”

          Now I just hang up.

      • nillalatte

        Yup, either this….
        “I’d have just hung up.”
        Or this….

        “i’ll zone out in a heartbeat.”
        Um hummm…. do this all the time even when I’m not on the phone. I must have ADHD because it really has to be interesting to keep my attention. Otherwise…. uh, I’m sorry… what did you say? Now, are you silly enough to repeat it? LOL

  • xLadyTx

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if u want me to tell u how many dudes are gonna be at an event I planned to go to with my girls.

    Or

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if u proceed to interrogate me about where I’ve been if I didn’t answer the phone the first three times u called…

    Smh.

    • Mo-VSS

      I’m guilty of the last one…if we are indeed in a relationship. If not, then it’s all good cuz I reserve the right to ignore my phone as well when unattached :D

      • xLadyTx

        Right. If we ARE together, very understandable. Otherwise, wait for me to get back to u & DONT have an attitude & grill me when I do! Lol.

        • DQ

          I can relate… I have been grilled better than most steaks during Labor Day for failing to answer the phone.

          Strangely it only motivated me MORE to answer when I was good and ready (and not a nano-second earlier)

          • Mo-VSS

            If I’m trying to reach someone, it’s for a reason. I’m not the every 5 seconds all on the phone (Roots) and when I call and follow up with a text after a reasonable amount of time, if someone doesn’t get back I do get a bit peeved. Especially if it becomes a habit out of the blue…

            But, everyone ain’t like me, so I get it.

            • DQ

              ****If I’m trying to reach someone, it’s for a reason.****

              I can dig it. But they may not be answering for a reason. Also what might seem important to you to talk about right then at that moment, may not be important to them.

              • CurlyTop

                “But they may not be answering for a reason.”

                It always strikes me as odd that after I ignore your phone call for a week straight you still continue to call me. This is after I tell you I’m not interested, smh.
                #whymustIcry

              • Mo-VSS

                Yeah…I’m a tad selfish. I know my faults. LOL

                • DQ

                  And I respect you for it (cause we all have faults, the difference is, most of us don’t own up to them).

              • ThisIshRightHereNinja

                Not answering is not the crime. It’s the failure to follow up. Ok, even if I accept (and really, what other choice do I have?) that you’re busy each and every time I call you…what is so hard about getting around to calling me back?

                • DQ

                  Not to get all psycho-therapeutic on you but neither failure to answer nor failure to follow up is the crime. The crime is your expectation that what is reasonable to you, should be reasonable to others. Actually that’s the crime that we ALL commit. If you ask me it is the root of probably 99% of all arguments between men & women.

                  • J.ivy

                    Not just men and women but within sexes as well. Friendships, familial relations, work… Pretty much all relationships this expectation is a great source of contention.

                  • http://www.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

                    Gotta agree with that one! Well said!

                  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                    “The crime is your expectation that what is reasonable to you, should be reasonable to others. ”

                    Mmmhmm, something to chew on like tobacco. Actually, naw.. gum. Pay me in gum.

                    • DQ

                      Trident Layers?

                    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                      “Trident Layers?”

                      @DQ, anything else would be treason.

                  • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                    See this right here. If my desire for contact exceeds your desire to answer, then you either don’t care that much or enjoy making me wait. In either case I need to remove myself from your list of things to do.

                    • nillalatte

                      Yup. Second that WC.

                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  Its the giving out our phone number to folks we don’t want to talk to that is the true failure! lol

                  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                    Lawd, I was SUCH a victim of this prior to getting the new phone number I have now. And yes, getting a new phone number was thought-out like a mug.

          • xLadyTx

            Exactly! But really, it all depends on the person that’s doing the grilling. If they showed slight signs of being possessive during previous convos, it’d just be an immediate turn off when they start trippin over missed calls.

      • http://www.theformula-music.com GoodyGirlATL84

        I don’t know. i don’t think I’m ever OBLIGATED to answer. I’ll call you back, but don’t sweat me like that. Obviously, I don’t want to talk to you, or I’m busy.

        • Jaypilgrim

          Since when did answering a call become mandatory? In general? If i’m in the middle of a yawn i prob won’t pick up. And 9 times out of 10 i already know why your calling, and it ain’t cause the house burning. its to say “what you doing?”

    • Loving Me

      I get the last one alot… in and out of relationships smh. I just don’t like to answer my phone if I don’t feel like talking lol

      • sunshyne84

        me neither, my cousin is always the one getting mad though, girl I will get to you when I feel like it

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I remember getting into the biggest argument with this chick I knew b/c she kept calling me and I didn’t answer the phone. Now, what started the argument was that she texted me then on some, “how childish are you that you wont answer” to which i responded “you have no idea what the f*ck i’m doing right now and why i cant answer. grow the f*ck up and realize the earth does NOT revolve around you.”

      which as you can assume didn’t go over very well b/c no matter how right i was…

      …to her i should have answered the phone to tell her.

      womp.womp.womp.

      • Loving Me

        I’ve had this argument several times and it usually ends with me hanging up and refusing to answer again… surprisingly that usually pisses them off even more

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        LMAO!!!!!

        This is how women claim men who don’t belong to them. Requiring dudes to call them to tell them ya’ll don’t go together and never will.

  • Mo-VSS

    I’ve been guilty of this in the past and have had it done to me. I think for women, the one thing that makes us think we’re together when we’re not is:

    1) SEX There is nary a woman who can’t say the booty hasn’t made her be like “well, that’s MY man”….when, in fact, he ain’t. I know these new age women like to say that they can handle sex with no commitment…and those be the same ones wondering why he won’t call…or why he was with her…or why they don’t spend more time…blah, blah, blah.

    2) TIME When a man spends relationship time with a woman, she begins to think they are together. Men can be (and have been in my situation) guilty of this as well. Just because we spent last week together doesn’t mean we’re together. It just means I wanted the pleasure of your company at that time. If I didn’t say “PS, we should be together too” (yes Slim Shady), then don’t assume that’s what me giving my time means.

    3) MOVIE NIGHT IN, I don’t know why but any time a “couple” has a movie night in, the DTR (determine the relationship) talk is coming very soon. I don’t know magic relationship combo the couch, a movie and some liquor combined seems to elicit but it does. Many a folks have have their feelings hurt thinking that movie night meant “exclusivity.”

    Disclaimer…I may or may not have personal experience with all or some of these. Don’t judge me!

    • xLadyTx

      I co-sign to all of this. Especially if its a combo of 1, 2, AND 3 on a somewhat consistent basis.

      • Mo-VSS

        Yeah, all of this together is definitely the trifecta of “WTF in relationship-news.”

        • LadyC

          Cosign. Yep, ALL of this! *sigh*

          • Starita34

            Mo-VSS just broke it down so that it will forever be broke. Those things will get me every time too. Especially time. It’s expected that men want to have sex with you, but when they want to just talk, like all the time…well, it makes you think there might be something more to this thing we got…

            #Wrong

    • Iamnotakata

      “TIME When a man spends relationship time with a woman, she begins to think they are together” I;m so guilty of this but dang…can you say mixed signals….

    • sunshyne84

      mm hmm especially #2 because my love language is quality time, so don’t be up in my face all the time if you don’t want me catchin feelings #ijs

      • Mo-VSS

        It’s mine too so I definitely feel you. It’s not always an indicator that I want to be with a person though. I’m pretty direct so unless I say I want something, it may be safe to assume I’m fine with how it is, thinking about it or I don’t want it. In other words, ask. LOL

        • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

          “In other words, ask. LOL”

          Basically. I’m like what happened to this? Just ask.

    • CurlyTop

      So, when exactly do both parties become aware that #wegotogether?

      SN: On #2, I used to have a lot of guy friends pre-college no I have NONE! Why do you think we have something just because we shared a burrito at Chiptole? Naw bruh, you said you was paying and since I can’t eat a 97lb burrito I let you have half of mine. Where you see them sparks at? Le sigh, I’m starting to think that no matter what my actions will be telling someone that I’m interested in them.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      I encourage sex without commitment. It allows regular dudes trying to save a few bucks by giving them sex without buying gifts, dinner or gas for trips to Big Mama’s house. :) I like the type of women I read about in new age magazines. Why? Because she’s a super freak. Yeah. Hey, hey, HEY! :)

    • J.ivy

      Co-signage. But Id remiss if I didn’t pose the question : if we start persecuting people for using sound reasoning and being wrong then what do we do when that same reasoning would lead to correct conclusions that could perpetuate discussions of relational progress? Does everything need to be an explicit conversation before we can allow ourselves and others to trust what we feel?

      PS For the record I used to be that very odd woman who didn’t make that leap and demanded that a man take a chance and make a statement if he wanted to be certified. I’ve since learned most of them depend on us to make them feel secure about taking that step.

      • CNotes

        “Does everything need to be an explicit conversation before we can allow ourselves and others to trust what we feel?”

        I don’t think so. I believe that consistency in actions account for a lot (and should be expected to) Something seems kind of childish about doing everything that couples do, but because you didn’t actually “SAY” we are together, then I’m crazy for thinking that we are.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          I think that we one person may perceive as an unspoken agreement may be what another person perceives as indifference. It’s just a meeting of the minds IMO- making sure there hasn’t been a miscommunication. Women are often guilty of believing men know what we really want or what we’re thinking, but they don’t. I try to make it plain in all areas.

          • CNotes

            “Women are often guilty of believing men know what we really want or what we’re thinking, but they don’t.”

            Agreed.

      • DQ

        ****Does everything need to be an explicit conversation before we can allow ourselves and others to trust what we feel?****

        What you or I or others may regard to be a reasonable assumption…

        …is still an assumption. What you feel may not be in question, that is similarly held by another party IS in question until you explicitly know. We assume other people are thinking what we are thinking at our peril… because more often than not, they’re not.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          Agreed. If you trust it, let it be stated.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I think you can trust what you feel AND make a statement that this is an exclusive relationship.

        Without that statement I will not assume we are together. Sorry, but we live in a time where women give away vag!na, food, their time, their heart for free, and men think that they are cool with giving those things away and that it means the women are ok with them receiving their “gifts” and not being in a relationship with them.

        This is how women end up with hurt feelings…cuz they spent time, had sex, cooked food…but dude was thinking it was just sex, just food, just time, not a relationship.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          OR you can trust what you feel and realize the other person does not think it is a relationship.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        The last part of your paragraph…very interesting. I’m gonna take that under advisement, cause I usually operate on the rule of:if you don’t say it, were not going together. But I’ve gotten some weird behaviour from guys that might could have meant he was looking for security to make a move. I’m real bad at helping dudes with that.

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      Nary a woman? I beg to differ. There are plenty of women who don’t get possessive just because they had an orgasm. Maybe for some women, it happens so seldom, they want to hold onto him.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I can understand wanting to hold onto a dude who gave her that orgasm, but what does it have to do with relationships and going together?

        Sidenote: I think a relationship is 2-way. You want to claim him, and he wants to claim you. If its only one-sided in the claiming, its not a relationship.

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Yep.

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      #youmustthink #wegotogether if

      1. You ask me to cook for you. I can offer, but don’t ask me for no food till I get a title.
      2. You count my condoms. This goes under Nunya
      3. You mad cause you asked for a picture and the one I sent has another guy in it. Learn how to crop. Nunya
      4. We go to the club and you don’t want to dance and expect me to not dance with somebody else. I dance. Period.
      5. You buy me a drink and try to take my whole night.
      Last but not least…
      6. You ask me to stop seeing other men.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        hilarious list! lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know, i’m going to say this is a good list…but as was stated down thread, wouldn’t 99 percent of all women just construe these as mixed signals and ultimately think the man was being shady?

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I would think he thinks we go together OR he didn’t want me to share my vag!na with other men, but him.

        (some men get off on thinking they are the only man sexing that woman)

      • Mo-VSS

        It will result in most women thinking it was shady. I know when all of this happened to me, I was mad salty. I learned a valuable lesson…unless it’s stated, don’t assume. That’s why women need to be vocal. If the DTR happens and he says “I don’t want a relationship” then he doesn’t. Not in that space and time. And it’s important for women to let men know that a) she will not wait for him to make his mind up, but they can continue to hang (if she feels comfy with that) and b) if he wants that to change HE needs to let her know. Otherwise the agreement stands and she’s feel to find someone more suited to what she wants…and so is he.

        (this applies to both sexes, but since you posed the question the way you did, I answered it as such)

    • http://www.theformula-music.com GoodyGirlATL84

      Ummm… I can honestly say that I’ve had relations that didn’t change my pace in the pursuit of a relationship… It’s actually made me pump the brakes before.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      I hear you!

      I’ve had feminists argue with me when I say a relationship does not exist until the man verbally claims the woman as his girlfriend.

      All that actions–dating–sexing–eating together all the time–movie night–a week together does not = a relationship without his claiming her as his woman and stating that ya’ll are exclusive.

      “That’s my girlfriend Sue”
      not “That’s Sue”nor “Oh I didnt know you want me to introduce y’all”

      • rhenewal

        “A relationship does not exist until the man verbally claims the woman as his girlfriend”.

        So true. If you’re being introduced as “My friend ______”, you’re not in a relationship. Despite the movie nights, time spent together, discussion of important events in life, etc. Y’all are cool. You’re friends. You’re buddies. You’re not together.

    • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

      I have been guilty especially of #1. The truth is usually starring right in our faces, but sometimes we become so d*ckmatized to realize that it’s just sex…crap, this one brought back some horrid memories..

  • Jaes

    Very good points. Can’t lie though… something in the writing wasn’t as polished or smooth as usual. Getting through it was tough.

    My favorite is the WHO WAS THAT… or the HOW DO YOU KNOW _____(person xy or z).
    If more than one compound sentence or 2 simple sentences does not suffice…. #youmustthink #wegotogether!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks for the constructive criticism. i’ll do better. i promise.

    • k-steez

      have u been reading VSB long? this seems to be pretty smooth/polished/clear for Panama. i didn’t have not one “huh?” moment, which is saying a lot. (that’s not a shot panama, i enjoy ur writing style)

  • Loving Me

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you make plans for us and get emo when I tell you I got other plans

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you call me 5011 times a day just to “check in”

    • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

      cosign #2…but #1… ionknow, i don’t care for folks canceling out last minute, grinds my gears a bit, lol.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        um, that ain’t cancelling. that sounds like person 1 made a plan without consulting person 2 then got salty when it turns out person 2 already had other plans that didn’t include person 1.

        that’s that assumption level non-sense.

        • Loving Me

          Exactly.. I had a guy make plans to visit me out of state this summer telling me a month before he was gonna come and then got mad at me cause I was going out of town

        • http://www.theformula-music.com GoodyGirlATL84

          Yes, the assumption that my free time belongs to you is no bueno… And then, the “wow, you’re such a busy person. i don’t know if you have time for me” whining starts… I tell everyone, make your request known ahead of time and I’ll accomodate. i’m not just sitting on the phone chillin’ all week. I have other people and things that demand my time.

          • Eso

            co-sign!

            My time fills up pretty quickly. if anything i’ll be nice enough to say hey do you want to hang out this week-end? if you say “you’ll get back to me” don’t assume i’ll still be available when you do lol. sorry hun, that time slot has already been filled. deuces!

        • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

          oooooo true, when I read it closely I see that, yep, different

  • http://www.shellysaysso.com ShellySaysSo

    #youmustthink #wegotogether if you invite yourself to my house and/or make meal requests.

    • DQ

      Can’t even front… I don’t even have to believe we go together to make a meal request. I just ask because… well… you might do it. :)

      • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

        Excellent gamble with low risk and high rewards.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        Actually when you’re single sometimes it’s nice to just cook for people so you don’t feel like an a$$hole heating up 1 chicken thigh for dinner.

        • Classy6ft5

          Pretty much. But, I wouldnt be heating up any dark meat. Don’t like it.

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            well whatever your protein of choice is, heating up 1 chicken breast or 1 pork chop or 1 veggie burger can a sad lonely a$$ feeling LOL.

            • DQ

              LOL. When I look at it like that, offering my hunger is actually a service…

              …I alleviate your feelings of isolation, and in turn I get fed. Sheeeit, that’s capitalism.

              • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                LOL, perhaps if there are other women competing for that appetite.

            • Classy6ft5

              Touché. Touché.

            • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              I do not feel lonely eating leftovers and heating up food for one. I got stacks of leftovers in my fridge right now in individual tupperware bowls to take to work for lunch. Every one of them thangs is saving me about $7. So no, I don’t feel sad and I won’t give you my leftovers unless you’ve given me something of equal value. Like listening to me talk about my day and giving me your opinion that just happens to agree with mine.

              • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                I can’t remember the movie or show, the lady was at the grocery store and asked for 1 chicken breast and the butcher kept trying to get her to buy more and finally she snapped and went off about being single and only needing one piece of meat.

                • Anon

                  Must Love Dogs

                • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  Who buys one chicken breast? LMAO. You would have to really hate leftovers

                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  Lmao she probably snapped at the butcher because she was hungry. Who eats one chicken breast in a week? She could’ve hooked herself up with a week’s worth of meat and avoided that drop in blood sugar at the butcher section. Lmao

            • Starita34

              WIP gets it.

              Cooking for one blows, especially when it’s fire…gotta talk to yourself or put it on FB. *smh* just sad…

    • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.wordpress.com MizzCam

      #YouMustThink #WeGoTogether if you EVER just show up unannounced at my doorstep. You might get your feelings hurt when I a: completely ignore you even though you can see me sitting in the living room, or b: have other company

      #YouMustThink #WeGoTogether if you question whose car is in my driveway. It’s my dad’s, n*gga! Chill out and stop stalking me

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Ah, sounds like the stuff I did in college. And boy did I get my feelings hurt. LOL

      • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

        oh man, unannounced?!? just.dont.do.it. you will get your feelings HURT quickly.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Ok?! You will be WAITING your arse outside if you just show up to my crib with nary a phone ring and/or text.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

        The unannounced visit struggle is real during undergrad. It is a harsh lesson to learn, but when you can learn it in your youth, you are much better off.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          So so right. Well, I managed to learn it in my first month of college. The telling off I got was enough to scare me off.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Didn’t we learn from Biz? She told him over and over he was just a friend. The trip to campus just confirmed what she said. I’m just sayin’

    • sunshyne84

      girl yea, not gonna happen

    • http://twitter.com/#!/XylinaChapman Lina

      hold up hold up hold up. how they know where you live? Maybe I’m too into my own space, but even my close friends don’t know where I live lol.

      • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/a-new-fear/ chunk

        Your close friends?!? Why not?

      • Classy6ft5

        Well, I was dating a guy who knew the name of the place where I worked and the city….googled it, called the secretary to ask if I worked there, caught the train from the Bronx to NJ, and showed up at my job, unannounced. =|

        He thought it was such a wonderful gesture as he explained to me the trouble he went through to get there. =| The ONLY reason I didn’t go off on him is because co-workers were around when he showed up. After I left work…we had “a little talk” and I made sure that was the last time I saw him!

      • Nikki

        I’m with you. Not necessarily with my close friends, but I rarely divulge the location to the secret bat cave. You have to be around for a while before I invite you over. That’s the only private space I have in the world. Don’t want every Tom, Dick, and Crazy lurking in the bushes.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i’m with DQ…i’ll make a meal request. hell, maybe before i even think i might be remotely interested in talking to you. i like it when folks cook and i eat free.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Can’t get bent out of shape if you put it out there that you can cook. I will test you by asking for a sample.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Well don’t be whining “why not?” When I say no. Or trying to talk me into it. Just take the no and know that you need to earn that. Otherwise you will look like a selfish whiny little so-and-so that I don’t need to mess with.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          O.K. just don’t brag about how well you boiled water the night before. That’s just being a tease. #MeNoLikesTeases

    • http://www.nicknotnikki.com NicknotNikki

      My ex (you read that right) would show up unannounced.. What ensued was a conversation about the rights that had been snatched back when we broke up..
      4 hrs later…. I told him, “if my new man answers the door and clocks you in the face, I don’t wanna hear it…”

      He got the point…