Lists, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

Significant Moments in Black History That Never Really Happened

You know why this cat never got work again? Because this n*gga SHOT RICKY!!!!!

You know why Lloyd Avery’s career never really took off? Because this n*gga SHOT RICKY!!!!!

Once upon a time not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow, we got freed. At last. In order to get to that point, a lot of very important people and occurrences had to happen. It’s the reason we celebrate Black History Month here in America. Without that month, we’d forget half of the accomplishments of great Black people like Tiger Woods and Robin Thicke.

Wait. What?

Exactly.

Well because we tend to be a jovial, communicative, and emotive people, those events hold near and dear places in our hearts. Deuce. But because we care so damn much about our peoples, those events aren’t just limited to the Dr. Martin Luther Tha King, Malcolm X’s and Beyonces, traffic lights, spinners, and beatings by police officers…they extend to things that actually didn’t happen but matter a whole heap anyway. We got heart.

Is there a heart in the house tonight? Stand up.

So here are a few things extremely significant moments in Black history that never actually happened in real life. Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike…

1. RIIIIIIIIICKKKKKYYYYYYYYYY!

Yo, you can go into nearly any Black home in America or gang outpost and yell out the name Ricky and everybody will know exactly what you’re talking about. Chauncey shot him dead in the alley when Ricky zigged when he should have zagged. Actually he didn’t zig or zag which is likely why he got hit in the leg before he got hit in the back with the sawed off shotgun (hand on the pump). When Ricky died, then his mama opened up the SAT test scores to reveal that Ricky had gotten the 700 score he needed to receive a football scholarship and make it up out the hood and go to college like Trey and Brandy were going to do, the hopes and dreams of the hood all song cried. That sh*t hurt. It still hurts. Ricky been dead for 22 years now. Doughboy too. MJ gone. Our nword dead too. Just saying, that was a significant moment in Black history is all I’m saying.

2. Stringer Bell’s death

Notice a theme here? Maybe its the way he died. Maybe its because of all of the people on The Wire who died, he’s the one who deserved his death the most. But that was a pivotal moment in Black history if only because Stringer was the quintessential prototype of who most educated ninjas want to be and who most women seem to be in love with. Idris hasn’t managed to shake the Stringer ethos and why would he want to. He’s tried to. Lord has he tried. Not quite as poignant a death as Ricky, but when String got shot, I heard Black women’s vagina’s scream from my third floor window. Too much? Possibly. Hi, my name is…Panama Jackson.

3. Dwayne Wayne breaking up Whitley’s wedding…and then marrying her

I can’t lie, I’ve often been amazed at how many women love Dwayne Wayne. I always viewed him as goofy as sh*t but somewhere along the way, he became “the man”. Either way, none of us wanted Whitley to marry Byron Douglass III even though that made total sense. So in that wedding episode when you could tell Whitley was losing it and then Dwayne hit her with the “baby PLEAAAAASE…” (that was possibly the most sincere beg in the history of begging – Keith Sweat gave it a 10 and a thumbs up) everybody jumped up and got excited. And I was like…13 at the time? Even I wanted their love to prevail. And it wasn’t real. Which might explain why the show lasted only one more season.

4. THE Fresh Prince Episode

You know which one I’m talking about. The one where Will Smith became WILL SMITH.

I can sum it up in 6 words and keep it moving before I start crying…

“Why he don’t want me, man?”

Man, it still hurts. And it wasn’t real. Will knows his daddy. I never looked at Ben Vereen the same again. She looked like Ben Vereen…b*tch don’t call here anymore.

5. The moment where Martin started to suck

Two words: Shaquille Sunflower

That boy was never the same after that. AND IT NEVER EVEN REALLY HAPPENED but the community took Martin sucking as likely the true beginning of the end of hip-hop. Wait…what? Exactly. This one might be a stretch. But that’s what she said. So we’re even.

That’s 5 significant moments in Black history that actually never really happened in real life that had an impact on the community. What else you got?

Can you think of any moments that occurred in some fictional environ that impacted our community at large?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NOW YOU SEE ME, NOW YOU DON’T aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • veryaveragebrotha

    I think Bodie getting shot was bigger than stringer…

    • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

      Oooo yes! His death really cut me to the core! Stringer had it coming…

    • Sunrise Jackson

      YESSS…that hurt me too

    • Tristan

      bodie the realest lightskinned ninja in television history

      • panamajackson

        short of getting murked, Chico DeBarge might like to have a word with you.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          Dude caught a federal case and made a classic album out of it.

          Shout out to all the people who bought “Long Time No See” back in ’97.

          *cues “Physical Train”*

        • Rachmo

          #flatlines at this and PA’s comment below

    • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

      Wallace’s death hurt me more than Bodie’s, but I feel you…Bodie WAS the street’s heart in The Wire.

      • WIP

        Wallace earned his by coming back!

        • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

          It still hurt, maaaaaayne! lol. I was fussing at Wallace to stay in the country! dangit!

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            For me Wallace getting killed wasn’t as bad as Bodie getting killed. I expected Wallace to get killed once he started using drugs. I though Bodie was going to make it out.

    • WIP

      I was hurt when Bodie got shot. Too hurt.

      • 321mena123

        Wasn’t he the one telling them to come and get him when they shot one of his boys or one of the kids (can’t remember)? The whole time i was like “shut up!”

    • panamajackson

      How exactly was Bodie’s death bigger than Stringer. While I can imagine many folks caring more about Bodie since String turned into a grade A douche, it wasn’t a more significant death.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        It was more significant because “Bodie” represented the majority of the people in the game.

        • panamajackson

          To that end he’s just a representation of how the game usually ends for a lot of people. String’s death was part of the death knell of the organization. Bodie dying doesn’t change the outcome of anything.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            True.

          • The Champ

            agreed. bodie’s hurt me more. but, stringer’s changed the entire direction of the drug game in west baltimore and the show. for the first three seasons, it was basically a battle of wills/intellects between mcnaulty and string. they were the show’s two main characters. stringer’s death changed all of that.

            • veryaveragebrotha

              As I explained to P, I don’t think Stringer’s death changed anything. The barksdale organization was already on the ropes. Marlo had pretty much taken over. In addition, Mccnaulty had already won. His death was more symbolism than impact.

          • veryaveragebrotha

            That’s the thing, The barksdale organization had already pretty much died. Due to a series of bad moves (the initial incarceration of Avon, String trying to reason with Marlo, double crossing Brother…etc.), that organization was already pretty much dead. Him dying was formalizing what had already happened, heck he was going to go to jail anyway, while I agree the fall of the barksdale org. was a big deal, I don’t think String’s death played a significant role

      • WIP

        In the end, we had more time with Bodie. And it happened right after he had talked to McNulty giving a little glimmer of hope that he might make it. Nobody really, that I can remember, disliked Bodie. We knew he was smart. We thought there might be some way he’d finagle a way out.

        • panamajackson

          I’m not arguing that we didn’t like Bodie more. I’m saying that Bodie’s death wasn’t more significant than Stringer’s. I cared more. I agree.

      • veryaveragebrotha

        I guess significant/bigger is ambiguous. I consider it bigger with regards to how it affected people. You could pretty much see stringer’s death coming (from the moment he double crossed both Omar and brother) Bodie’s was more shocking and I think affected people more. By the time stringer was dying nobody gave a dollar about him. Bodie burned man…..he even made the Skillz rap up

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        The interesting think about Stringer was that he was a backstabbing idiot from the beginning but no one really noticed until he had Avon’s nephew killed and then hooked up with his girl. I think people wanted to like Stringer, so the had to really go overboard to make him a villain in the end.

  • Maris

    **hands in card**
    I am only familiar with #s 3-4, sir.

    • http://twitter.com/ktemjin Kaname

      Only know of #4 *shrugs* but at least for me it’s because I’m not from around these parts so I miss/ed lots of pop culture moments.

    • panamajackson

      You ain’t never seented Boyz In The Hood???

      • Maris

        Nope. I figure it’ll make one interesting date night.

  • I Am Your People

    1) DID YOU TELL HARPO TO BEAT ME?????
    2) “The Real World” episode of The Cosby Show.
    3) Does Mufasa dying count?
    4) Home ownership on The Real Housewives of Atlanta

    • Maris

      Mufasa absolutely counts.

      Also, Toby.

      Ten years from now we will count “Flavor of Love”. Wait..

      • WIP

        I mentioned Flava of Love- I think it counts now. It started a whole slew of foolishness that touched every layer of society.

        • OlderWoman

          Flavor Flav is a disgusting and repulsive human being. His show was nothing but filth.

    • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

      Ha! Was gonna say Theo in the real world. Or them singing ‘night and day.’

      • UDWRocks

        While the Ray Charles episode was a classic, the James Brown one is my fave! Theo was gittin’ it IN!!!

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      The only one that actually owns her home is Kandi, right?

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        Those songwriting royalties from “No Scrubs”, “Bills, Bills, Bills” and “There You Go” was really, really profitable, LOL!

        • Tristan

          royalties are forever

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

            See’s been caking off those three songs for the last fifteen years!!!

            • Todd

              Royalties! They’re FAN-tastic!

    • GemmieBoo

      lolol yes to all these additions!

    • Sigma_Since 93

      The piano man breaking out. “Time ta go!”

    • panamajackson

      Mufasa’s death definitely counts.

    • Asiyah

      Mufasa dying! That ish was too intense for children. Still is.

  • McNairian

    When James Evans Died. Tragedy.

    When Arnold and Dudley were in the bike shop with the perv.

    • kidvideo

      The bike shop episode was a classic…the guy that played Dudley says he still gets asked about it.

    • Asiyah

      oh Arnold and Dudley at the bike shop! that’s a good one.

  • I Am Your People

    5) It wasn’t significant at the time, but NOW Carlton poppin a Molly at the school dance is much funnier now

    • Tristan

      i just seent this episode…meant to tweet the joke and forgot lol

  • Jay

    Even though it ALLEGEDLY happened… none of us were the same after this: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lurvwieXi11qjpigho3_250.gif

    • Tristan

      man chappelles show period, got white ppl saying ninja and i been darkness ever since

      • Sahel

        Too bad the Illuminati got to him. The crackhead skit still kills me

        • OlderWoman

          There is no such thing as black Illuminati.

          • UDWRocks

            The best way to stay undercover is to convince everyone that you don’t exist. But, no you’re right…no such thing. ;)

    • Todd

      Well, Rick James also got arrested for making a woman hump a cigarette among other things. This is tame for his rap sheet. LOL

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      This was no allegedly, LOL! According to Dave Chappelle on the DVD commentary of Chappelle’s Show, he claimed Eddie Murphy said everything was true on Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories except for two things:

      One: The couch Rick wiped his feet on was red, not white.
      Two: Rick James never wore a gold tooth.

      Aside from that, everything else was fact. He went on to state that Charlie and Rick didn’t really like each other. I can’t remember why but it’s on the DVD.

    • tgtaggie

      This one, the one Dave played Prince and the Wayne Brady skit is probably some of the funniest ish you will ever see. Game….Blouses.

      • Karl Leroy

        That wayne brady Ish was the realest that never actually happened!! Wayne brady got pure D street cred from some ish that not only never happened but was comedy?!?

    • Frankly

      I am the biggest chappelle fan that ever lived…the most diehard ever…the biggest most chappelle lovingest ninja alive…

      ..Hol my drank bi***

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    - When Radio Raheem was killed by the cops in Do The Right Thing
    – When Quincy broke up with Monica because she had curfew in Love & Basketball
    – When we find out that Harper had an affair with Lance’s girl, Mia, in The Best Man
    – When Chris (Partlow) beat the ish out of MIchael’s stepfather in season 4 of The Wire

    • Todd

      By the way, you know Kevin Durant is now engaged to a WNBA player named…wait for it…Monica Wright. Seriously. :)

      • Tristan

        lettuce prey he doesnt blow his knee and become a basketball wife like quincy did

        • Todd

          Good one! I know the Love and Basketball jokes are coming hard and heavy at them. At least neither of them went to USC. :)

        • Frankly

          Oh u mean like candace parker’s husband? Ole boy from duke?

      • panamajackson

        Yeah, that kilt me dead. They gon’ have some tall chirruns.

        • SweetSass

          Wouldn’t that take the cake if the kid turned out a little person?

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Lol. Yep, I just read about that, Todd.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      “- When we find out that Harper had an affair with Lance’s girl, Mia, in The Best Man”

      And on that fateful day, Taye Diggs got stomped out in front of everybody, LMAO!!!!

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        He got beat bad too. Senior Babywipes saved him. Lol

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          Ironically, he was the one who instigated the whole thing!

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            Lol. I know, right. I think Terrence was just playing himself in that movie.

            • SNAPPA77

              Terrence plays himself in EVERY movie.

    • panamajackson

      Quincy ain’t break up with Monica b/c she had a curfew…he broke up with her BECAUSE SHE FORGOT TO BE THERE!!!! (emphasis Quincy’s)

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        He just didn’t get it. He had to be there for her too.

        • John Shannon

          Monica was more Baller than Lady and pissed at her Mother for being the “Traditional Woman/Wife/Mother”. What could Quincy do about that??????

  • kidvideo

    King Magazine did a story about Lloyd Avery(the picture at the top of the post) a few years…he actually became a gang member AFTER the movie was filmed).

    1) When Raheem got shot by Bishop Shakur.

    2) When Kunta Kinte was whipped and got his name changed.
    3) When Anna Mae ate the cake.
    4) When the cops choked out Radio Raheem.

    • kidvideo

      5) When Tammi got David kicked out of the house.

      • Amber

        Yes, that moment was ridiculous & I didn’t think it was that serious for him to leave.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        Which was infamously referenced in Curren$y’s song “Life Under The Scope”.

        • kidvideo

          That line made me a fan of his…

      • Vanity in Peril

        Beth was such an instigating arsed ‘yotch. To this day I still say “It wasn’t not funny” .

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        That was crazy. If the internets had been around back then it would have been a National story.

    • panamajackson

      Technically, even though its all subject to debate, the Kunte Kinte story is SUPPOSED to be real.

      And Anna Mae definitely ate the cake in real life. That’s the Ike and Tina story, bro. IT’S REAL.

    • Yonnie

      @kidvideo:disqus I didn’t even know who Lloyd Avery was so I just googled him. That ni@@a dead. Got convicted of double homicide and got kilt (sic) in his cell, allegedly by his cellmate.

  • Pillows McGee

    ok why did i laugh hysterically at She look like(with feet like) Ben Vereen b(tch dont call here anymore…i seriously forgot about that “interlude” …havent heard it in years..do they still even do interludes on albums??

    • McNairian

      Yes! I damn near went into cardiac arrest!

      Another funny skit is is when Jazzy Jeff asks Will Smith if people ever ask about him. Ish is hilarious! It’s on one of the “Magnificent” CDs.

  • I Am Your People

    When Deebo got knocked the f*ck out

    • Tristan

      they need to play that at all anti bullying events

    • panamajackson

      This is a good one.