Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Sidepieces Are Having The Best and Worst Year Ever

MjAxMy1lNWM5YmZjYjkxN2ZiMmZiIf you’re Black or know Black people, there is a really good chance that you’ve heard, used, or listened to some wayward soul use the word sidepiece at least once in the past week. To hell with “selfie”, in the urban world, the word of the year for 2013 is “sidepiece”.

Sidepieces are everywhere. They’re in songs. They’re on television making a living as a sidepiece. There are entire shows dedicated to it (Scandal) where literally EVERYBODY on the show is a sidepiece of some sort. There are other shows like Love & Hip-Hop where chickens BRAG about having to take Plan B because she’s letting her ex (who is now married) dump off in her on a regular basis. Somewhere in America, a man lives with a woman who he’s not married to while being married to woman he doesn’t live with. Yes, his wife somehow manages to be his sidepiece. That takes a special brand of talent and f*ckery. Truth is stranger than fiction.

I know a cat who even has Sidepiece Sundays. Nevermind the fact that this sounds like a dope name for an event, but le hombre actually practices this by giving his sidepieces time on Sundays. Basically, sidepieces have become accepted members of society. Now don’t get it f*cked up…NOBODY wants to be a sidepiece. I think there’s still a better than 50 percent chance that 60 percent of the time it works every time that most sidepieces don’t know they are the “other person”. But the other half of the second third of me thinks that context clues are a motherf*cker and refusing to read the tea leaves is a choice. Memes abound and there are canons both to the left and right of them.

To that end, sidepieces are really having a stellar year. I mean, for the longest, they were nobodies. They were home-wrecking trollops enabling cheaters to stick and move for little more than extra cheese on a burger. Make no mistake, sidepieces can be dangerous. That’s usually how folks get f*cked up in the game – they tell their sidepiece too much and she has enough information to make waves, something that is especially easy to do in today’s social media “hey look at me I was here, here, here, and here” heavy environment. In some ways, its kind of amazing that anybody would cheat nowadays given the fact that everybody seems to want attention and credit for…well, something. And sidepieces are no different. While they may not be the queen, they usually want to be the queen and while not pressing the issue, will, force the issue a time or two with strategically placed pictures and appearances. See, sidepieces usually have nothing to lose and if they know they’re a sidepiece they’re usually willing to go the extra mile to embarrass me and you, your momma and your cousin too.

Which is why the popular cultureness of sidepieces is also the worst thing that could happen to them. Sure they’re winning by getting some notoriety and recognition in the hierarchical food chain of relationship shenaniganery; completely with proper deference and significant social media presence. However, the disdain for these individuals has also reached a fever pitch. See, while women like Kerry Washington have managed to turn sidepieces (she is a sidepiece on Scandal, this is not debatable) into notable personas, we also kind of HATE her characters ability to be SUCH a sidepiece. She’s textbook and nobody likes textbooks. The ability to seek, locate, and destroy those who are sidepieces is also easier than ever.

That chick is liking too many of your man’s pictures on IG? Is she RTing your boo too many times? Is he on your girl’s FB page too frequently? Because sidepieces know they matter nowadays, they want recognition, but they really just want to bring down the house of cards. If you are a sidepiece you know that everybody hates you. Especially if you get found out to be one.

The main bullet point here is that sidepieces/chicks/dudes/of rice have made the leap. Betty Wright tried to told you. Pleasure P was willing to be boyfriend number 2. But now, sidepieces are legitimate members of society eligible for ID cards like illegals. I saw a sidechick try to sign up for a health plan under Obamacare but the site kept going down on her…which, well, too easy drill sargent too easy.

So what say you, are sidepieces having the best year ever? Or the worst? Or is it the best AND worst chick ever?

Boyfriend number 12 checkin’ out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. GIVE IT TO ME BABY aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Locks and Beards

    I just want to know when Scandal is ending forever. I hate that show.

    • Charlie

      then dont watch.

      • Locks and Beards

        i don’t watch it.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      Its gonna jump the shark eventually, didn’t they have an unnecessary rape scene already, they testing their fanbase

      • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

        facts.

    • panamajackson

      There will be a press release. Don’t ask me how I know, I just know.

  • Tx10inch

    Meet on Sidepiece Sunday, take her to Popeyes for two piece Tuesdays. QT quota filled I’d say. Win win for all.

    • Locks and Beards

      omg. Popeyes makes me want to cry with delight everytime I have it. So delish!!

    • panamajackson

      That is definitely the win win.

  • b sweet

    “NOBODY wants to be a sidepiece”

    I strongly disagree. Some people want to be a sidepiece.

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      “A piece of somethin’ is better than a whole lotta nothin’”

      I think this is the unofficial motto…

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        ahh, the curse of partial reinforcement conditioning on the brain. that’s what makes some addictions so hard to kick ..

    • http://EdotReed.blogspot.com/ E Reed

      Some people were made to be side-pieces and aspire to their purpose.

      Tough fact of life… LOL!!

      • panamajackson

        I’m just not sure I believe this.

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        made to be, as God or Nature intended ? or groomed to be, as poor parental role models might inspire such limiting beliefs ?

      • Anon

        I’m not feeling this. Society, people, morals, standards have all taken a hit and shifted a tier down. I don’t believe folks are groomed per se, high standards are now second tiered.

    • Msdebbs

      I cant understand why anyone would want to be a sidepiece.

      • Val

        Lots of reasons, Debbs. Afraid of or avoiding true intimacy, become a sidepiece. Want the benefits of having a lover but without the mundane stuff, become a sidepiece. Like the thrill of doing something you shouldn’t be doing, become a sidepiece. All the fun without any of the responsibility, etc.

        • Msdebbs

          Naw I’m good.

        • Secret Sauce

          Sorta like being Kirk Cousins.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            *shots fired*

          • panamajackson

            Ouch.

          • keisha brown

            DEAD
            *high fives*

        • Kema

          Sounds about right!

        • panamajackson

          I still don’t buy it. I can see you ending up that way and being cool with it. Or as an older person (likely a woman) just realizing that its better to have something than nothing. But it just seems like sidepiece aspirations are few and far between.

          • Val

            I think at certain times in some people’s lives being a sidepiece is a perfect fit for them, for the reasons I mentioned.

            • http://twitter.com/itsmrlittle ItsMrLittle

              Yeah…I know some women in their 40s and 50s that seem to seek out that arrangement for similar reasons.

          • Maris

            What you are not accounting for is society does not accept the concept of an “emotionally unavailable woman”. So, if you find yourself “emotionally unavailable”, it is a lot easier to be a “sideboo” than to, say, ACTUALLY date and tell each gentleman that you are not looking for commitment of ANY kind (which usually produces a #404ErrorFace). Number ONE reason being, they will treat you like pur-dy sh!t.
            “Oh, you don’t want a relationship? Why am I taking you to dinner then? When do we f*ck?”
            Sideboo situationships allow you companionship without the bother of “taking care” of a man. You can always defer to “um, you got ya GIRL for that, boo”. TRUST MEEEEEE, men do NOT like feeling like they aren’t needed, so to do it under the guise of “yeah, yeah, sure I want you boo…but you’re taken” just…works..better. #SorryNotSorry

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              #facts…spoken from knowing people on all sides.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              *meekly raises hand* Can I admit to having dealt with a LOT of emotionally unavailable women and actively seeking them out? Only me? Eaux…

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                i used to select for emotionally unavailable men. all the time. it fit my personality since the only real emotional connection i had to myself was a terrifying mix of fear, rage, and pain.

            • Kema

              Maris!!!! *waves*

              ” Number ONE reason being, they will treat you like pur-dy sh!t.”
              Tell em!

              • Maris

                Yeah, I’m supposed to be on a social media break. But this one was just too fun, lol

            • Kema

              Are you going to be around on the 27 or 28th? I’m planning a christmas trip.

              • Maris

                Yep! Make it happen!

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

            ~ Or as an older person (likely a woman) just realizing that its better to have something than nothing.

            lots of older men out here are on the take what they can get.

        • Asiyah

          Val has great points. That’s also why a lot of people settle for open relationships.

          • To’Mas Que Fuego

            Why assume they’re “settling” though? Why not “deciding on”?

            • Asiyah

              Excellent point!

            • Shay-d-Lady

              because if they went into the relationship WANTING and expecting monogamy and only agree to “open” because those are the terms their partner set after an initial infidelity thats settling. Im not saying this for all but for the very specific occurrence i just stated and thats typically how a lot of people define “open” relationships which is not what being Open is about.

              • To’Mas Que Fuego

                Well yeah, if those don’t become the terms until after one of them cheated then yeah that’s textbook settling. If those are the terms that they both agreed on from the jump or the first time they were confronted with the possibility (or after just having an open discussion about it) then I don’t think that’s settling. At that point it’s just coming to a verbal agreement.

                • Shay-d-Lady

                  me either.i realize now that your initial comment was made in response to Asiyah and not to mine. we are on the same page.. it happens

            • Anon

              Anything “less than” is really settling, no matter how it’s labeled. If they settle for the less than, they settle with a name (for it).

              • To’Mas Que Fuego

                Nah, depends on the individuals and what they like. There’s no one size fits all rule. Answer this then, what’s the difference between sacrificing, compromising, negotiating, and settling? Do any of those words have a positive (or at least neutral) connotation to you?

          • Shay-d-Lady

            i dont think people :”settle” for open relationships. thats something both partners agree going in.. what is often masquerading as an open relationship (when you went in looking and probably committing to monogamy and then it went south and you decided to roll with it for fear of losing it all” is not an open relationship that is settling for infidelity in your committed relationship

            • Asiyah

              agreed!

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              But don’t you dare point that out to them! They just have…an understanding. :)

        • Freebird

          “Want the benefits of having a lover but without the mundane stuff, become a sidepiece.”
          That’s me.

          “All the fun without any of the responsibility, etc.”

          Me again.

          • Val

            I think a lot of people fall into those categories at points in their lives.

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        being emotionally unavailable makes being a sidepiece the ideal spot. it’s too difficult to be in a real relationship when your have split from your emotional core, and have little to nothing to give of yourself on this level to the other person. also when you are emotionally unavailable, you cannot deal with other people’s inner lives. it’s very taxing to deal with any intimacies or vulnerabilities that the other person expresses.

        • Msdebbs

          with all that going on wouldn’t be easier to just be single??? I’ve been a sidepiece before ( unknowingly ) and it was a emotional roller coaster when I found out. I’m not willing to go thru that mess ever again so it makes no sense to me why anyone would wanna be #2.

          • Andrea

            I think she’s talking about doing it knowingly. There is no emotional roller coaster with that.

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

            yes, but .. when you are in a compromised mental state, “easy” is a term that is relative to the condition of one’s mind, and not to the larger reality in which we live.

          • Maris

            Sometimes you need a warm body. A distraction from whatever gutted you in the first place. It REEEEAAAALLLYYYYY sucks being hurt AND alone. You have nothing but your thoughts, which may or may not be killing you slowly. Sometimes ACTING normal makes you feel normal…even if it’s just for a little bit.

            • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

              (smile) i had no idea what acting normally meant when i was sick. the only acting i could do was to adopt other radical personas and live them out as my own.

              • Maris

                We are >>>here<<<

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        Weary from love, accepted that its just not in the cards for them so minds well just take what’s out there

        • Msdebbs

          Being single would be a better option. No competeing with #1, not feeling bad about him not being there on Sundays & major holidays, being free to date anyone else you want and most importantly NO DRAMA.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Also, being a sidepiece means no relationship responsibilities. You don’t have to visit his mama for the holidays or check on his cousin in the hospital or do any of those formal relationship duties.

        • panamajackson

          What woman do you know DOESN’T want that…long term?

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            The key word you said is long term. Women who recently went through breakups and divorces seem to like being #2, especially if they have other family or personal responsibilities. This allows them to have their fun without having to integrate someone new into their life. Also, there are some cold hearted women out there who make this a life, but they’re rare.

      • Andrea

        I have done it. I didn’t until after my Momma died, and then my sister was dying. I was angry at the world. I felt I had lost everything that mattered to me. So I wasn’t emotionally right in the head. I didn’t care less if I was a side piece or a wife. It was irrelevant. I only cared about my loss.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          If this is too much, feel free not to answer. Still, you aren’t the first woman with that mindset. I wonder what is it about emotional pain that makes it easier to be the sidepiece, though. I don’t understand why such pain could make someone think that way, as opposed to, say, developing a drinking habit or messing with drugs or getting some other addiction. Help me out if you’re willing.

          • Andrea

            I think you hit the nail on the head in terms of me. The drinking and other legal substances I was abusing at the time assisted my shifting reality. Pain, alcohol, and oxycodone created the perfect storm for my shift in morality. Socrates said something about death “a state of nothingness and utter unconsciousness” “a change in migration of the soul from this world to another”. I guess my death was in to a state of “nothingness”. Cheating was nothingness. In my mind it was problems I cared about in Junior High. FYI..I don’t do that anymore. But I do care less about the concept of being cheated on. The probability of my demise from what took out my sister and mom has changed what Matters most to me. I feel that nothing could hurt me more emotionally than watching my mom and sis take their final breaths. If my Husband had a mistress…that pain would never be in the same galaxy.

            • Andrea

              @Panama I have a Father. And He was married to my mother until she died.

              • 321mena123

                You didn’t realize when a girl has problems it’s because she didn’t know her dad? You didn’t realize that fathers are so important that without one you are nothing? Someone who deserves to not be committed to, or dated, and told as much to her face or on the internet?

                No? Me neither.

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

            ~ I wonder what is it about emotional pain that makes it easier to be the sidepiece, though.

            i think it has to do with the perception that there are very real boundaries and you are in control. when you are in a relationship there’s this thing that will really undo a mind wracked by pain and that thing is vulnerability. it is really devastating, even when you are partially sane ~*~

      • panamajackson

        Right. Like I can see some people accepting their role as a sidepiece, but I can’t see anybody aspiring for this role. Unless, of course, they don’t know their daddy.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          It’s a way to get what you know you can’t fully have. Some people settle like that.

        • Andrea

          Perhaps not in America. But in other countries…watch Kama Sutra. The hair and makeup is so great in that movie.

          • SuperStrings

            Good movie.

        • Asiyah

          but pj, there are people who don’t aim high. don’t overestimate.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Sometimes people aim too high; how you gonna aspire to be Mrs. Denzel, Obama, Chestnut (insert name here) when you know that man’s taken????

            • Andrea

              They Say Sanaa Lathan almost became Ms. Washington! UmmHmmm

              • Jay

                What?! Didn’t she also date Kobe while he and Vanessa were separated…

            • Asiyah

              this is true as well.

        • Maris

          Can we NOT go there, please?

          • panamajackson

            lol. these are the jokes people. while i respect that many people on this site indeed don’t know their father or have a shaky relationship (for many years i was in the former group), you don’t have to take it as a personal affront. i realize it may strike a nerve, but if it would be really hard for me ot make sure i dont strike a nerve with everybody and their life stories.

            • LMNOP

              Jokes are supposed to be funny though. I know my dad and these kind of comments still bother me, because they just seem mean.

              Also, Psalm 82:3 “Defend the weak and the fatherless” so it looks like God is on team don’t make fun of the fatherless.

              • panamajackson

                Okay.

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                WOO !

        • Msdebbs

          Daddyless chicks get no luv on VSB.

          • Maris

            Honestly, I put the “daddyless chick” convo in the same box as this sidepiece convo. DUMB. You are blaming the wrong person Instead of saying “that’s effed up yo Dad split” they are holding it against her like SHE drove him away. Instead of focusing on the spouse, they create websites like shesahomewrecker dot com, like she tied him to the bed or something. Just dumb, dumb, dumb.

            • panamajackson

              I don’t know that, well I can’t speak for anybody else, that in all honestly I’d think that a chick who had daddy issues (lets face it we all have daddy issues) was to blame for them.

          • panamajackson

            That’s not completely true.

    • panamajackson

      I made need to unofficially poll this.

  • Jay

    So… about 3 hours ago I get an email notification on my cell. It’s from Disqus… weird for early Sunday evening, but ok… I check my email and it’s this… What the entire fuck?! lol, I’m not even mad. Just like… why me? Also I’m no expert on the etymology of ignorance but I found it weird that they used the word n*gga as opposed to the -er version. **shrug** http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/mackaroto/ScreenShot2013-12-15at112400PM.png

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      LOL at the avi.

      • Jay

        I know right… What did I ever do to Tiger??

        • Locks and Beards

          did you ever call him black? when clearly he is white?

          • Jay

            Caublasian even…

    • To’Mas Que Fuego

      WTF lmao! Trolls these days have no shame huh?

    • b sweet

      I’m confused. Is this a reply to something you said? A hack? What is this??

      • Jay

        Just as confused as you are. Just wondering what made them go to a page FULL of black people, scroll down, and out of everybody say “Fuck THIS guy”.

        • b sweet

          Normally, I wouldn’t respond to this type of stupidity, but the target makes it personal. Let’s go get this dummy. You ready Jay?

          • Jay

            lol… **Jay-z voice** “You ready B”?? In all seriousness I don’t respond to racism with anger… I look at it like a child calling me “poopyhead” or some sh*t when I’m a grown a$$ man. But if you want to have some fun with him… Oh, leh do it.

            • b sweet

              True dat. True dat. I’ll let you call it. I’m in the pocket if you need me.

              • Jay

                Can you go one day… ONE DAY without making me fall in love with you??

                • Val

                  *watches as love blossoms on VSB*

                  • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

                    *on sidepiece day no less* #cantstop

                  • Sahel

                    Jay better close that deal. Show her the money

                • b sweet

                  I ride for you constantly, so no, you don’t get a day off. Give in to the feeling, free fall, and let’s enjoy the ride.

                • Kema

                  Jay its cool you and B are kicking it… Can I get Tuesdays?

        • SuperStrings

          The personal trainer who was fucking his wife was named Jay. He’d even been to their house for dinner. lol

          • Jay

            Way to bring it full circle.

        • LMNOP

          I saw that that Friday post had a couple hundred more comments now then when I left it alone at the end of the day Friday, so maybe he was making nasty comments to other people too. I’m going to go check it out.

    • camilleblue

      Guarantee it’s because this person is a black man. White people don’t say n!gga.

      • Jay

        I considered that. Thought maybe it was someone that I know in real life fucking with me.

    • Val

      Lol. What does that even mean?

    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

      this is hysterical.

    • WIP

      LoL, so randomly hateful

    • 321mena123

      They trolled me too. Good times.

      • Kema

        What response did you get?

        • 321mena123

          Something about me being not worth a d@%n.

  • To’Mas Que Fuego

    A sidepience that’s comfortable with her role scares the sh*t out of a lot of women, but they’re becoming more and more popular (or maybe just more accepted). They’ve been around since the beginning of time, but now due to social media they have a voice and we have hilarious memes about them. “Sidechicks be like, tell her it’s Jake, from Statefarm” lol

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      Just wait until they have sidepiece insurance packages, for those times when the car gets keyed or personal loss coverage when that spot gets blown.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        Like a good neighbor state farm is there

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

      ~ A sidepiece that’s comfortable with her role scares the sh*t out of a lot of women

      keep in mind, this cuts the same way for men. a lot of men out here are happy to play the sidepiece to a woman in a relationship. only in this case, the consequences are more intense, as children may be given false paternity on the birth certificate as a way to legally hide or deny the truth.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        There’s a small population of dudes that lives to be that maintenance man: all the fun, with none of the responsibility. They feel they have managed to pimp dudes into raising their kids, and love the power.

      • To’Mas Que Fuego

        True, but this ain’t a new phenomenon with men. We knew all our lives that 95% of men would f*ck our girl if she gave them the chance. Whether or not men would play this role has never been the issue, it’s always been whether or not she’d let them…

        • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

          yea but do you think men are cognizant of the fact that it is estimated 30% of all live births are assigned false paternity ?

          i guess we can flip your original comment to ask: does a male sidepiece comfortable with his role scares the ish out of a lot men ?

          • To’Mas Que Fuego

            “i guess we can flip your original comment to ask: does a male sidepiece comfortable with his role scares the ish out of a lot men ?”

            No. Again it’s been our reality since we were kids. What scares men is the fact that there are so many women who would give him the job in the first place, but even that just is what it is. It’s part of the risk to agreeing to monogamy.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              The primary (though not only) reason guy code exists is to deal with this possibility and manage it to avoid social chaos.

          • LMNOP

            Wait. Is this true? 30% seems like an awful lot, especially since DNA testing is so common these days and basically the only ways to “assign paternity” are either through a DNA test, the dad acknowledges paternity or you are married to the father, in which case your husband is legally the father regardless of paternity (but you’d think/ hope these type of situations would be relatively rare, 5% if even).

            • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

              i cannot remember the source where i read this number so i went off to Wiki it ..

              A 2005 scientific review of international published studies of paternal discrepancy found a range in incidence from 0.8% to 30% (median 3.7%, with half of the academic studies on the subject, i.e. eight, yielding rates from ?2.0% to 9.6%), suggesting that the widely quoted and unsubstantiated figure of 10% of non-paternal events is an overestimate.[2]

              However, in situations where disputed parentage was the reason for the paternity testing there were higher levels; an incidence of 17% to 33% (median of 26.9%). Most at risk were those born to younger parents, to unmarried couples and those of lower socio-economic status, or from certain cultural groups.[2]

              A 2008 study in the United Kingdom found that fathers were wrongly identified in 0.2% of the cases processed by the Child Support Agency. Of those resolved with DNA testing between 2004 and 2008 between 10 and 19% of mothers had named the wrong father; none of the women were prosecuted.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      That comes with a more lexually siberated society, women are happy to avoid the drama and get these shots off

  • http://EdotReed.blogspot.com/ E Reed

    Works of art and media silently
    influence our consciousness and perception of society. Attitudes
    concerning sexuality, race, gender, and politics are displayed in works
    of fiction(and non-fiction if you count reality TV as ‘non-fiction’),

    I honestly think a lot TV shows, movies, books, and magazines are giving side-pieces multiple dimensions. They’re portrayed as more than home-wreckers. We’re beginning to see their ambition, virtues, successes, struggles, joys, and sorrows. Similar to an Olivia Pope.

    I believe such a treatment of the side-piece by media is making them more palatable to the general public. This wasn’t the case five, ten, or fifteen years ago.

    Life is imitating art and vice-versa.

    • Sahel

      There is alot that hollywood has done the last few years.

    • Sahel

      I give my props to the Hollywood guys. They know how to work the world into a certain strain of thought. There is alot that they have done in the last ten years. I can only compare it to how they worked the public back in WW2 to shore up the war effort

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        They flipped the narrative the sidepiece went from being lusty temptations to someone “fighting for love”

        • http://EdotReed.blogspot.com/ E Reed

          Very true. They made the main-piece out to be something of a villain who is driving their guy or girl away into the arms of the other….

  • Val

    Synonyms for Sidepiece

    - Jumpoff
    - Gumar
    - Backdoor man/ woman
    - Mistress
    - Paramour
    - Concubine
    - Companion
    - Lover

    I hope this list is helpful. :-)

    • Jay

      Bussdown.

      • Val

        That’s a new one to me. Regional slang?

        • Jay

          Midwest. I first heard it on a Kanye song. Wiz Khalifa has a song actually called “Bussdown”

          • Val

            I love learning new words! Lol

            • Sahel

              Yeah,i know you do.

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        lol this made me think of the word bussy

      • Epsilonicus

        Bust it baby

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      That’s 8 different ways to spell trouble Val.

      Here’s another -Wrong Number

      • Jay

        Jake From State Farm

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          Just my job calling

    • miss t-lee

      I’d like to add, thang-thang, and late night hype to the list.
      *curtsies*

      • Val

        “Thang-thang” is a good one. Never heard of that one before either.

    • NomadaNare

      Addition to your list:
      -Spoogie

      • IcePrincess

        I like dat

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      The proper spelling is cumar or coumar, not gumar. Oh, and since you mentioned backdoor man/woman, I figure this fits for the subject and season:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMj4Q6EVOW0

    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

      Add the word ‘courtesan’ to that list.

      • Andrea

        Oh now that’s my FAVORITE! Did you see the movie Kama Sutra? I Love that movie!!!!

        • Kema

          Great movie!

    • WIP

      +little buddy

      • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

        whoooo, you just spoke a word. Was sitting behind a guy in church, and No Lie, his phone rang with the caller ID “Little Buddy.” He hit ignore. I was rolling.

    • SuperStrings

      cut buddy

    • panamajackson

      I’ve never heard the word gumar before. Whats the origin there?

      • Val

        The Sopranos. That’s what they referred to sidepieces as.

        • panamajackson

          Ah…real talk, I’ve never actually seen one solitary episode of the sopranos. I’m ashamed.

    • quiet_listener

      Jamaican Synonyms for Side-Piece:

      Joe Grind

      Matie

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZB0o1ePp04

      • WIP

        lol, like “ahoy maties,” that’s hilarious

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        You forgot the American equivalent Jody. :)

  • Msdebbs

    Sidepieces have been around for centuries. These chicks/dudes are only getting attention now because of social media and tv.

    • afronica

      I find it funny these days the number of questions you have to ask. Are you married, separated, living with someone, living with a baby momma? Do you have a girlfriend, someone who would consider herself your girlfriend, stalker, someone who lives with you, ex-wife who you’re still seeing? When I inevitably find out that this person is entangled while trying to holla, his comeback is that I didn’t ask the right question. Always.

      We put more and more out there on social media, but somehow people become less willing to tell the truth about themselves. Odd.

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        ~ We put more and more out there on social media, but somehow people become less willing to tell the truth about themselves. Odd.

        hmm .. i find it less odd and more obvious that there is an increasing discrepancy between people’s online personas and their offline identities. most folks dont sign their names to their words, giving them a free pass to say whatever they like.

        i see a lot of folks comment that there are consequences to signing their names to their online words. i agree, as i do my best to live by the phrase, “word is bond” ~*~

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          <– uses his government and actual likeness

          • Yoles

            respect

          • Andrea

            Me too! And admitted to being a…I’m gonna go with “thang-thang” from below. Although Paramour has a nice ring to it :)

            • Yoles

              me kind of three, my real pic, my whole life nickname & true life stories of my life, my life, my life… been a jump off, side piece and mistress before… I’ve lived a long and torrid life… oh well who gon check me

              • Kema

                Preach! *Joins the brazen hussy list*

            • Rachmo

              I mean I’m not saying I did it myself, but I’m not saying I didn’t do it myself

        • afronica

          esa on the one, as usual. It feels like people are subcontracting those awkward few first dates to Facebook and Instagram where they post their representatives, their best selves. People seem to spend at least some of their time living up to those virtual portraits.

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

            my background is in printed matter, of the permanency of ink. i learned thru experience the value of making a name and standing behind it. for me there is no distinction between message and messenger. consistency is what i am after ~*~

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        The “someone who would consider herself your girlfriend” is the most dangerous one. There are some dudes who are straight gassing women, but there are a significant number of women who are gassing themselves all the way up. In that spot, the dude doesn’t really know what the deal is until it’s too late, then it blows up in his face.

      • Kozy

        We put more and more out there on social media, but somehow people become less willing to tell the truth about themselves. Odd.

        took the post right off my fingertips

      • WIP

        “Is there anyone who believes they are in a relationship with you?”
        And even if you ask, you got to do the research to back it up anyway, lol.

    • panamajackson

      It is an important question to ask.

    • Asiyah

      “his whole reason for not telling me about his wife was because I didn’t ask.”

      BOL!

  • skinnynow

    This is the old fogey in me: But I remember when a sidepiece knew her place. The sidepiece’s role was to keep life outside the home a little adventurous but never intrusive. The sidepiece was broke off a piece, got a little time, and nothing more. Now they’re all over the news blowing whistles for a little bit of change. I’ve been saying this since Tiger Woods and his stable of look alikes trotted themselves out for a dollar dangled on a string.

    I guess it’s good that nobody can pretend like they won’t get caught out there. But I have to wonder if ignorance wasn’t bliss, at least for a little while.

    • miss t-lee

      We’re old fogies together girl. Sidepieces have always been around, however they never saw the light of day, lest they mess up their good thing.
      Now? They’ll call the wife up themselves and brag.
      How times have changed.

      • skinnynow

        agreed! chicks need to stay in they’re lanes.

      • Sahel

        How else do you expect her to announce herself lol

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        That’s on the man, he’s leading her to believe theyd be together if the gf is out the picture

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          The reason he can do it though is because there’s no one else offering up that full wifey status. If ol’ boy had competition, he’d have to come correct. Problem is there really isn’t any comp.

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

            That’s the gift n the curse when he is all she has, she’s more likely to try and sabotage, leaving earrings on the window sill n sh t

        • miss t-lee

          Nah.Two way street.

      • Andrea

        I think people like to say what it used to be like in the “good ole days”. But who commenting on this site really knows. We just have myths and legends we’ve heard about. In my opinion…. the only thing that’s probably different…is the technology.

        • miss t-lee

          Oh, I’m not advocating for the “good old days” because just because things were unknown doesn’t necessarily mean that it was better.

      • Asiyah

        Shame has a lot to do with it. We’re living in times when people are so ashamed of feeling shame because it is considered weak to “regret” choices that you’ve made. In turn, many manifest that shame to be the opposite by bragging about things that are taboo and bragging about things they are secretly, truly ashamed about. It’s like when a person with low self-esteem brags about how awesome s/he is. They figure, “let me mask the pain of settling for less!” It’s deeper than we think.

        and for a small (very small percentage), it’s just they’re sociopaths and/or narcissists who feel no remorse for their actions. or don’t they? some suggest these two groups feel so much repressed shame and remorse that you can’t even spot it.

        • miss t-lee

          Hmmm. All good points.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Tiger Woods was hustling backwards. Like you couldn’t just find one or two sidechicks? You had to get a sidechick to manage the sidechicks? And there were levels to the sidechick sh*t, where there were ones who just got broke off and sidechicks who got to go on vacations and golf tournaments? Wow…

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        Tiger needed homies, a big brother or something he was way too big to be exposed like a twitter ninja

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          From what I understand, the homies DID try to pull him aside and say ninja chill. He just didn’t give a F. Notice that his boys kept really quiet when the deal went down.

          • Amethyst

            Tiger has boys?? I picture him as a lone golfing wolf.

            • Andrea

              LOL!

            • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

              He has like 1 friend that we know of and if I remember correctly they had a falling out because of it.

            • skinnynow

              This was my thought exactly!

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              I’m not how broadly known this is, but Tiger Woods actually went to Stanford for 2 years before coming into his golfing kingdom. As a result, he has college buddies like most other dudes who went to school. They are the ones that help run the business end of things while he goes out on the course.

      • SuperStrings

        And those were just the ones who came forward. I’m betting there were/are a bunch who stayed quiet because they had too much to lose, i.e. professionals or people in public office.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          It came out after his “rehab” stint that his wife asked for a list for the women he messed with. I think the total during the marriage came out to 125 or 130…including at least one next door neighbor.

          • CrayolaGirl

            If he actually provided this list, he’s stupid. The 15 names already floating out there would have had to do. I refuse to believe he gave a list that totaled 125-130 random women. Refuse!

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              I see your point though. Once the list went past 5 or 6, the number became academic. I don’t know too many women who would say “it’s bad enough you cheated on me with 22 women, but 23?! 23!! What kind of man are YOU?!”

      • miss t-lee

        That ninja was so flagrant it was bound to end badly.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Tiger’s fault for not picking Jordan’s brain about the real issues of fame aka side chick management.

    • WIP

      “Now they’re all over the news blowing whistles for a little bit of change.”

      Now you made me think of Herman Cain’s little lady friend.

  • minxbrie

    Maybe I just don’t pay attention/don’t care enough about other women’s business, but I can’t think of any sidepieces worth having a conversation about. I also don’t watch Love and Hip-Hop so maybe it’s a correlation.

    And who am I to judge anyways? I’m looking into becoming a sugar baby so I really can’t say anything.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Actually, you have more to say about it than you think. At least a sugar baby has a real and defined title. A lot of these sidepieces are giving it up raw for some occasional grocery money, not knowing when homeboy is coming back around.

      • Andrea

        I think that’s the real interesting thing about that love and hip hop story line. What’s in a title? The sidepiece that’s married has a legal contract. And the Girlfriend has 13 years and 2 kids. What does a title mean? If you remove being married from the conversation. “official girlfriend” or “not girlfriend” adds up to what? I think people can derive too much esteem from an empty title.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          True…but you can’t pretend that people treat the “official girlfriend” and “not girlfriend” differently. Especially if you don’t think you have anything else going for you, going for something is important.

          • Epsilonicus

            Those positions have power. And more power than the side piece.

        • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

          ~ I think people can derive too much esteem from an empty title.

          the best way to run game on yourself is to use words that mean nothing. plenty of people do it in order to maintain illusions (or rather delusions) about their life. it’s not really the titles that are the problems but the way people use words to avoid dealing with the Truth ..

        • ForeverCC

          i recently learned that being a “baby mama” (i really don’t like that term but i don’t have a better one) is more prestigious than a wife. i had no clue…

          • CrayolaGirl

            Really?! How was this logic explained? Is it because they create life together (connected forever)?
            Hmmmmm…..

            • ForeverCC

              basically. it was “we will always have kids together” vs. “you can just divorce your wife” :/

      • minxbrie

        I mean, baby’s got bills to pay and expensive taste…

        Like I said, rarely am I concerned with another woman’s business. You want to be a sidepiece? Cool, just know what you’ve gotten yourself into. My only irritation is when they don’t know their place and wanna act up.

      • panamajackson

        See, I actually disagree with this. I think that the uprising of sidepieces is actually illustrating how prevalent they are. They’re not just sitting in the house waiting for buddy to show up anymore…they’re getting almost equal time and demanding sh*t nowadays. And “winning.”

        • To’Mas Que Fuego

          Yup, cause when you don’t keep it all the way real you’re manipulating people, when you do that you invite manipulation onto yourself. These sidepieces are learning to give the cheaters a taste of their own medicine.

        • Kema

          See that why its really changing. They didnt have to demand sh*t before. A man would take care of her and she knew the only way to keep his attention and gifts coming was to keep out of sight.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      Bold.