Shit Bougie Black People Love: 24. Bottomless Mimosas » VSB

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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 24. Bottomless Mimosas

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It’s well-established that Bougie Black People (BBP) are alcoholics who invented things like “the day party” and “the Scandal watch party” and “the Congressional Black Caucus” just so they’d have more opportunities to drink. But, to truly understand BBP, you need to understand their drink of choice, and why their drink of choice is their drink of choice. Red wine is great with meals, martinis are great for happy hours, beer is for Bougie Black Girls pretending to be cool, and pretending to hate Moscato is great for impressing a new group of potential friends, but nothing is as essential to BBP life as the Bottomless Mimosa.

To wit, if you were to happen upon a herd of BBP in the wild, scouring the streets for Crossfit tips and half-priced scones, ask them who has the city’s best bottomless mimosas, and listen in awe as they manage to name every single place within a 150 mile radius that has ever offered them on their menus.

No one is exactly sure where the concept of the Bottomless Mimosa first came from. Perhaps a particularly enterprising Spelmanite wanted to add some spice to a Delta convention breakfast buffet. Maybe the promise of endless champagne and orange juice was the only way Norman Lear could convince Sherman Hemsley to act right on set. But while the origins are unclear, its place with BBP is not.

Although their Twitter profiles and obnoxious t-shirts might suggest otherwise, many (if not most) BBP are natural introverts who spent much of their high school and undergrad years “studying” and “watching Fresh Prince re-runs” while most other people their age were busy “wearing Mecca sweatsuits in clubs” and “fucking.” But, when they got older and were able to surround themselves with more like-minded people, they managed to be a bit more gregarious and even started attending (and organizing!) brunch events with other BBP. Still, they needed something extra — something that provided a social lubricant while being safe enough to consume in good company — and the concept of a Bottomless Mimosa (appropriately fancy for BBP, and appropriately weak to act tipsy even though you’re really not) was a perfect fit. Pragmatic, even.

Now, Bottomless Mimosa are so ingrained in BBP culture that BBP don’t even use the word “Mimosa” if inquiring about an event, instead just asking if it’s “bottomless.” Soon enough, “bottomless” will just be shortened to “bo.”

I can see it now:

Is the brunch bo?” the BBP will ask their friend.

Of course!” their equally Bougie friend will reply. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Rachel W.

    YES YES YES!!!! It’s like you are speaking DIRECTLY to me…

    • RINGMASTR

      Cheers!

    • Damon Young

      “damon” is swahili for “bougie black girl whisperer”

      • IcePrincess

        Rotflmfao ????

      • Imoteda

        okay this.. goodbye….
        LMFAO

  • Meridian

    I wish brunch had bottomless pineapple daiquiris.

    • LMNOP

      Oooh, that sounds delicious

    • Kema

      I don’t drink anymore… but when I did some type of fruity bottomless martini would have done it for me.

      • Neptunes presents The Clones

        Kema is cute

        • IcePrincess

          You ain’t kno?

      • h.h.h.

        *waves hi to Kema*

        *goes back into hiding*

        • Kema

          *waves* hey!

      • IcePrincess

        Fuck you mean?! Since when? And why? I need answers lol

        • Kema

          Girl! I just had to… but I still blaze. ;-)

          • Meridian

            iSupport this message.

            • Kema

              Love it!

              • Ashley J

                I don’t even know ya’ll and I’m DYING!!!! LMAO

          • IcePrincess

            Oh ok. Well at least u save on calories that way ????

    • miss t-lee

      See, I can get with this.

  • kidvideo

    I wouldn’t mind a bottomless bottle of miller high lite rite now.

    • Freebird

      my kind of champagne

    • miss t-lee

      Champagne of Beers.

    • IcePrincess

      Those new black can Millers are the truth too!

    • Damon Young

      i’m still waiting to acquire the beer taste

      • also.

      • Angel Baby

        I thought I was the only one left!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes and I mean sometimes I’ll get a Stella…but I can’t drink it fas enough to wear it’s not room temperature and warm beer is just bad for the soul!

        • Angel Baby

          where*

  • RINGMASTR

    Nailed it.

    • Damon Young

      that’s what she said

      • Lea Thrace

        flawless!

  • I think 24b is that BBP love to pretend to be drunk, thus the love for weak mimosas and wine

    • Andrea

      People pretend to be drunk while drinking??? I totally get afterwards…Blame it on the a a a al co hol!

      • LMNOP

        There have been studies where they give people nonalcoholic beer without telling them and they start to act drunk.

        • PunchDrunkLove

          That’s funny

    • Damon Young

      tu motherf*ckin shea

    • I live for your brand of shade lol

    • Philip Robert

      Unfortunately, I don’t pretend. :( After about the 3rd one, clothes start coming off…

    • First off….. a good mimosa isn’t weak. And wine surely will knock you off your head. However, the fake drunk has to cease. That is shade I will toast to.

  • Rachmo

    I’ve started asking waiters if they can just give me champagne. #noshame

    • Andrea

      Yo!!!!!!!!!!!! I was just about to make that comment. I can’t deal with that already mixed pitcher crap. You are either gonna have to put that oj in a carafe. Or don’t bother bringing it. #WhowantsallthemdangOJcalories

      • Rachmo

        It’s just how I feel. Plus OJ has a ton of sugar and then I get full and uncomfortable if I’m doing bottomless. I’m better off just sticking with champagne.

        • Andrea

          Yes!! I can’t drink as much with the OJ in it.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Glass carafe’s are also a bougie test No glass carafe = don’t bother bringing it.

        • Andrea

          I have very liberal leanings towards containment…lol

    • Damon Young

      do you also ask bank tellers if they can just give you money?

      • Rachmo

        ? confused.

    • AlwaysCC

      don’t be ashamed! the answer is always no until you ask.

    • Angel Baby

      say “just a lil orange juice” and that works too ;) you’re welcome LOL although the waiters at our favorite spots know us so well smh nevermind lol

    • Shy Glizzy’s Twin

      That’s how I operate. Only do brunch with a champagne only option. Walk out feeling like Amanda Bynes

  • miss t-lee

    I can’t with mimosas. I’d rather have bellinis or bloody marys.
    Then again, I merely tolerate brunch.

    • PhlyyPhree

      I know of a place that offers you a choice of bottomless mimosas OR bottomless Bellinis….

      Needless to say, I have asked to be interred there in the event of my untimely demise.

      • miss t-lee

        I love it.

    • IcePrincess

      +1200! I love OJ & I love booze, but I hate them together. Screwdrivers, mimosas, bleh! Gross. But a spicy Mary? Si, porfavor

      • miss t-lee

        My people! ????????????????

    • Damon Young

      i had my first bellini the day of my bachelor party. (well, first eight bellinis)

      • miss t-lee

        Welcome to the fold.

  • Nicole

    Bottomless mimosas AND bellinis! Shoutout to Local 16 haha

    • Damon Young

      where’s that?

      • Nicole

        16th & U

    • Rachmo

      You really can only do Local 16 for brunch. If you go there any time after 8 PM you’re headed for disaster.

      • Nicole

        I went to Local 16 for dinner ONE time and received the worst service ever

  • Charlisia Nwachukwu

    HAHAHA I love Bottomless mimosas but yes Bellinis are better. And beer drinking is the BB girl trying to be cool. Honestly spot on.. In college I hung out with a group of guys sometimes and I would totally have a beer to feel more like one of the gang… I still do it when a glass of red looks a little too high brow. But I like beer now.

    • Damon Young

      But I like beer now.

      you need more people

      • Charlisia Nwachukwu

        Aw. I was being honest, oh well.

  • I like to be nice and simple and boring and drink vodka. That’s it. I only want all these extra flavors in what I’m drinking if it’s a smoothie.

    • Damon Young

      you could do a vodka smoothie

      • amina

        ‘ish just got real!

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