Shitfishing: The Thing No One Tells You About Getting Older Because It Would Scare The Shit Out Of You » VSB

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Shitfishing: The Thing No One Tells You About Getting Older Because It Would Scare The Shit Out Of You

Damon Young

 

It happened last week. I was watching my daughter and watching the Cavs game. Which means I was watching the Cavs game and my daughter was sleeping somewhere within 12 feet of me. And midway through the second quarter, I felt some gas. Which was expected, because I had a milkshake earlier and I’m lactose intolerant and I give no fucks about this lactose intolerance.

So anyway, I decide to let the gas out. But midway through the gas removal process, I suspected that it wasn’t just gas. So I postponed the process and ran upstairs to the bathroom. And then I ran back downstairs because my daughter was still down there and sometimes I forget that I have a daughter and can’t just be leaving her downstairs by herself. And then, daughter in hand (this time), I ran back upstairs, laid her in one of her crib-like contraptions, and (finally) ran to the bathroom.

And confirmed my suspicions. No, it wasn’t just gas.

Now, if you are a human person reading this, this has undoubtedly happened to you. Unless you have the world’s most discerning sphincter, you’ve definitely let a couple soldiers pass through the gates without proper i.d. before. And hopefully you were able to stop them before they got to the front door.

This happening once a year or so isn’t a big deal. But it happening like once a month — which is what’s happening to me now — is. Yes. At least once a month (and possibly even more frequently), I’m in a situation where I have to pause everything I’m doing — walking, talking, eating, and even breathing — because I’m not quite sure if my gas decided to bring some friends with it on the way out.

To make sure this wasn’t due to some medical issue, I shared this situation (and the increasing frequency of this situation) with my dad, a friend who happens to be a doctor, and another friend who’s an actor but played a doctor on TV before. And they all said “Yup. This shit just happens more often when you get older. Just, um, deal with it. And never be more than 200 feet away from a useable toilet.” My dad even shared that he sometimes carries an extra pair of drawers in his attache.

Now, I know this act has a word, and I know that this word is “sharting” — a combination of “shit” and “farting.” But, I feel like shitfishing is a more appropriate term for this entire process. Yes, shitfishing. Why shitfishing? Because we’re all aware of what it means to catfish someone — to lure someone into a relationship by making them think you’re someone you’re not. Shitfishing follows the same script, by luring you into thinking your gas is just gas when it’s really not just gas. Basically, last week I was shitfished into almost sharting.

And, as I get older, this is happening more frequently. Which is cruel because if you actually charted its frequency, it would look like a U. When you’re young — from one day old to maybe 10 years old — you’re shitfished more frequently because you’re just too young to always know the difference. Plus, your diet is likely more lactose-based, which matters. And then the frequency gradually decreases, culminating in a virtual shitfishing void in your late 20s. I think I was shitfished zero times between 26 and 29. But then, as you near 35, it starts trending up again. And now every time I go out, I’m doing accompanying scouting reports for available restrooms within a walkable radius.

Anyway, since no one cared enough to warn me about this, I’m here today to warn each of you. As you continue to get older, you will get shitfished more frequently. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Except prepare. And maybe cut down on the milkshakes.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    I fully remember the moment i realized that I was old/er. A. When my 11 yr old niece had to explain to me what “on fleek” was..and how the world can be such a beautiful yet depressing place. When I was younger..I had such high hopes for myself and the world. Now? Eh..theyre still there..but it’s more based in reality.

    • Pinks

      I always feel like the “GET OFF MY LAWN” person when I see the high school kids doing high school stuff in the afternoon. They cross the street in these huge groups, twerk on the school bus and all that stuff and I’m just like “I need to get home!” I’m too old for my own good these days and it makes me mad.

      • Courtney Wheeler

        or like when you’re in the mall..and all you want to do is return your ill-fitting pants from The Gap..maybe buy a latte/ go into the Coach store and browse the bags but noooooo all these dumb teenagers are crowding the Cinnabon stand with there “No Flex Zoning” or whatever.. being loud and all you want to do is run them over with a plastic truck..because if it’s plastic won’t really harm them.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Why they making ALL the pants slim cut??? I’ve had to return three pairs of pants to Banana Republic because my thighs feel like they are gonna pop through the fabric.

          • I know the this struggle.

          • Courtney Wheeler

            Yeah..the length is perfect if you get the talls..but man I feel like a stuffed sausage in them pants. My suggestion? Uniqlo has decent pants…

          • It’s ridiculous…

          • Wait 5 years and baggy stuff will make its nostalgic comeback. Watch.

          • Buying jeans is interesting now. Levi’s has a cut called 541 that fit well.

            • Sigma_Since 93

              I’m talking dress pants. Jeans got me feeling empathetic to the women’s sizing struggle

              • All pants are my struggle. I feel the sisters and there struggles.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            I bought a pair of jeans…38-34. I go home to try them on and they was like nut huggers. I cannot for the life understand how that was possible. All my other jeans are that size, no problems, but this pair? I felt like a girl with a phat a$$ and mad thighs.

            I had to get the same jeans in a 42-40 just to fit into them properly.

            • tgtaggie

              Gap inc (banana, old navy and gap) normally runs a small or two smaller. So you have to always size up.

          • tgtaggie

            I really don’t eff with banana republic pants anymore. Partly bc I’m 6’4 and 215. And I hate slim fitting pants. Check out bonobos (https://bonobos.com/shop/bottoms) the fit is so much better

            • Sigma_Since 93

              I gotta suck up that bonobos price increase; the only thing they tend to have on sale are chinos.

              • tgtaggie

                I usually wear old navy jeans for wrk so I really don’t mind paying extra for some chinos. Bc I’ll probably wear them on average 1-4 times a month.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  How much are you usually willing to pay for jeans? My limit is usually $40

                  • tgtaggie

                    I usually go for quality when it comes to non work clothes….so $80-$100. Plus I wouldn’t wear those jeans probably 1-2 a week.

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      Hmmm. See I have a hard time finding clothes I like, so I end up having to wear whatever I buy quite often. So it’s hard for me to buy expensive clothes and only wear them sparingly.

                      But I’m about to step up this 2016 life. I don’t care about name brands and stuff, but I’m out to stunt my life out now.

                    • tgtaggie

                      Life’s too short not to stunt your life out. Lol

        • Pinks

          I don’t even go to the mall anymore. I just order stuff online because I will shoot someone. Lines? Fitting rooms? Stupid cashiers asking how to make change? Nope. Won’t be me.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Going inside stores…as soon as I touch the doors..I cringe.

            God bless the internet and any delivery man unfortunate to see my house number more than 3 times a week on his route.

            • Pinks

              And now all these scammers tryna ball out and holding up the show. Move!

              • Sigma_Since 93

                We got folks in my office that just ship the online purchases they make during the day to the office. I snicker at the packages from the different stores.

                • Pinks

                  That’s me lol

                  My boss be like “what you ordering today? Get me one.”

            • Illumina

              A couple of years ago, the delivery man was coming to our house so much (like everyday) he noticed that my brother’s car was no longer there.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                lmao. When the delivery man knows you on a first name basis, and can tell you when strange people go into your house when you’re not there, you know you done messed up.

                • QuirlyGirly

                  I used to know my delivery man’s name – James- but they switched his route and the new delivery man delivers my packages at all different times- can find good help these days- lol

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    You need a #RIP James shirt ASAP

          • QuirlyGirly

            Yes, ordering on online has been a blessing for me. Once you know your size(s), you are good to go. I haven’t purchased anything from an actual brick and mortar store in months.

            • Pinks

              My job front desk knows to just leave the packages under my desk lol

        • For some reason, that stuff doesn’t get to me. Then again, I’ve had the methadone of aging called having nieces at a young a$$ age. It’s allowed me to ease into geezerdom.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        You know you’re old when you look at a group of kids and say to yourself “watch how lonely you b i t c h e s will be as soon as you graduate high school”.

        • Pinks

          Not even lonely. I’m waiting for them to get hit with bills and student loans not on grace period. That’s when the real fun begins.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            You’re so cruel. Student loans keeps everyone’s a$$ inside.

            • Pinks

              Them’s the breaks of life, partna. College ruined my life lolol

    • miss t-lee

      I never really feel old until I hang out with some of my cousins that are now drinking age–and I was in junior high when they were born.

      • QuirlyGirly

        Yeah- I had that realization when my niece started college. I knew then that it was the beginning of the end.

        • miss t-lee

          I kicked with them over the holidays. They were ready to turn up at midnight, I was yawning…lol

  • My slow a s s metabolism was my first foray into the cruel world of adulthood. I was chugging Gatorade and shoving Wendy’s burgers down my throat for the entirety of my high school tenure and managed to run track and never be above 115lbs

    Fast forward 10 years and breathing air causes me to gain an extra 2lbs in some area ?

    • Pinks

      I didn’t even do any sports in high school and I just naturally had a slim waist. My friends tease me for my “seasonal” weight because I tend to slim down in the warmer months.

      Today, I smell a cheeseburger and my pudge grows an inch.

      • I’m dealing with my first pudge ever and I HATE it.

        • Pinks

          It’s worse than Bin Laden, yo. Funny enough my father in law clapped at me this weekend talmbout my stomach used to be flat and now it’s fat. The part of elderly life EYE can’t wait for is being able to say whatever to whomever without consequence. Old people got no filter and make you want to put vaseline on the ends of their walkers.

          • Lord I hope weed is legal before I retire. I’m going to take aintsytness to a whole nother level.

            • Pinks

              Shout me an email when you do. I’ll be down for the fuggery lol

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Crybaby.

          I been a pudgee all my life! Deal with it!

          • I can’t do it. I’m still the same size everywhere else and am growing a belly. There’s no reason for this thing.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Man you know how it goes. One day everything is perfect, then all of a sudden you looking 10 months pregnant, talking about it was all good just a week ago.

        • Gbadebo

          I’m fighting it with all of my african heart and soul….

          • I tried to tell myself that I just wasn’t standing up straight for the longest.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        *pokes pudge*

        • QuirlyGirly

          It is always the slim ones that like to poke on the pudge

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Luckily I’m a chubby dude, and I’ll still pinch some pudge.

            • QuirlyGirly

              Sorry for assuming- My sister is slim and she always comes over to poke and pinch and kneed my chunk. She says she likes it, it is soft and feels nice. Man forget her!

              • Pinks

                hubby plays with my stomach alllllllll the time. he ain’t complaining, tho, so i guess i’m winning lol

                • tgtaggie

                  He low key likes it lol. It’s kinda like playing with boobies

                  • Pinks

                    I think he highkey likes it lol..We both have bellies so we rub them on each other as a greeting sometimes

                    • Gbadebo

                      ha, that is love for real

        • Pinks

          *hits RM with a karate chop to the thoak*

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            *ducks and pinches pudge*

            • Pinks

              One of these days.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                I’ll be waiting.

    • Imma come to NC and we can work on our 7min mile.

    • In 2002 I was a solid junior middleweight weight in the mid 150’s and now I weigh a few biscuits over 200 lbs. Life ain’t no crystal stair.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        I was still at my football weight of 195 in 2002 (I ran at 185). I stepped on the scale yesterday and it said 223. It had me wanting to get nekkid in the pet store to see how much of it was clothing.

        • Get a hold of yourself, Sig. You’re black and they’ll shoot you for that.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I can’t say that my weight gain has made me delusional???

            • They shoot us for being delusional in public. Except for Ben Carson but you get my point.

            • Pinks

              Fatfluenza is totally a thing.

            • Speaking of being delusional – Who want’s to join my militia? It’s be a gas.

              • Val

                Mayne. I’m waiting for a VSB post about that. Let a bunch of (heavily armed)Black people take over some Federal land. They’d all be dead.

                • Sigma_Since 93

                  The closest we got was the Panthers. @Wu_Young:disqus scout out an island in Gulla country that we can hold the planning meetings and @Val:disqus find the next gun show we can bumrush to stock up.

                  • Val

                    Not only do we need to go to gun shows to buy guns but we need to organize them ourselves.

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      There you go tying to organize illegal activities. If you could address the straw purchase issue you might see a black gun show.

                    • Val

                      Why would it be illegal?

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      The current market for the lion’s share of black gun purchases is underground.

                    • Val

                      Why do you think that?

                • Stop me if you heard this one- 20 black dudes walk onto federal property with AR-15s….

                  • Val

                    Right. No one has ever heard that one.

                    • Gun control in an instant. I don’t care if we organize into groups but I do think black folks should flex their legal gun rights more. Then again I’m the rare pro-gun with heavy restrictions liberal.

                • The funny part is that their beef would be legit if they didn’t fight it with guns. Perhaps they should take each other out.

                • miss t-lee

                  We all know how this would end.

                • KNeale

                  Mainstream media does a terrible job of unbiased factual reporting but they do an excellent job of being creative with words. Referred to the Oregon militia men as staging and “armed occupation”. What. thee. fruck. is an “armed occupation”. You mean invasion? You mean standoff? You mean hostage situation? You mean terrorism? What da hjhell is an “armed occupation”.

                  • Val

                    I know, right. The media is treating this like it’s no big deal. Just some guys protesting. What?

                    • Mary Burrell

                      But they call BLM terrorist when all we want is for police to stop killing black folks.

                    • Val

                      Exactly. The hypocrisy is on full display.

                • Mary Burrell

                  Hey Pal Val Happy New Year. In my opinion the militiamen are domestic terrorist.

                  • Val

                    Happy New Year, Mary! :-) I agree they are terrorists.

        • Damon Young

          “It had me wanting to get nekkid in the pet store to see how much of it was clothing.”

          wait…what?

          • Sigma_Since 93

            You’ve never stepped on a scale in public, saw the weight, and took off your coat / shoes just to make you feel a bit better about what you saw? You know Jordans add at least 6lbs.

        • I’m within hailing distance of my playing weight, but it takes a lot more work to stay there! I played at 230ish, but it takes a lot work to keep it there.

        • JanuaryBabe

          LOL!!!! Stop getting on scales….it doesn’t get any better!

          • Question

            This. I stopped getting on scales in 2002.

    • KNeale

      I feel like this is happening to me now. I grew up on the broke as s h i t diet. Meaning fast food and sugary snacks cuz thats all that my mother could afford with the 2 dollars she had in her pocket. That set the tone for my food palette for the rest of my life even as my access to money/better food rollercoastered. I had not a one health issue yet. Or at least nothing big enough to cause a pause. I was chub chub as a little girl then hit puberty, got taller, and stretched out. Stayed mostly slim up until this past year where I have gained about 40 pounds seemingly overnight. I’m 26. What the H E L L happened? I deadazz gain 2 pounds just by smelling food. Indigestion and reflux have entered my sad little life. I’m irregular as a motha and just generally don’t know if I’m gonna have constipation or diarhea…roll of the dice these days. Food takes a toll on me like it never has before. Now I know I’m very young and can turn it around by changing my habits. Exercise more (I’m taking up running). Eat better (I’m…trying.) But I thought when they said “itll catch up with you” they meant like 50!!! I’m 26. This is not happening to none of my friends. Why me laawwdd!

      • BlueWave1

        I was in my late 20’s when my doctor first told me I was at risk for Type 1 diabetes due to family history. I was very active, ate whatever I wanted when I wanted. And I still held firm at 180 pounds. Over the last decade I have kept the diabetes risk in the back of my head. I’ve seen what it does to people.

        Back then I started changing my diet. It’s a process. Think of it as an evolution. It is easier to stick to it when you change gradually. Over time certain things start tasting good that you wouldn’t have expected. For example, I’ve cooked brussel sprouts three different ways over the last month. I used to hate brussel sprouts. On the other hand, I’ve lost the taste for a lot of the things I used to love. Baked mac and cheese used to be my thing. Now I pass on it every time. Just stay consistent.

      • I’m looking to drop 40lbs myself this year, it’s really sad smh I don’t think you have to go hard in the paint with the exercise, I’m 25. A brisk walk around the neighborhood a few times a week is probably more than enough.

  • Jennifer

    I got nothing.

  • miss t-lee

    LMFAO
    New body changes. Always, always fun.
    The last 6 months I’m discovering that some foods that I love are no longer loving me back, and I’m oh so sad.

    • QuirlyGirly

      Girl, is it dairy? Dairy has not been kind lately. Everytime I try to let go- she keeps calling my name..

      • miss t-lee

        Cheese, orange juice, some alcohol (wall slide). This sh*t is for the birds, I tell ya.

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          Lol at the wall slide.

          • miss t-lee

            If I can’t have tequila anymore I’m not sure I want to continue on.

            • porqpai

              Real talk, this would be a cot-dang tragedy in my life. All the feels sis.

              • miss t-lee

                Thanks! I will prevail!

            • PaddyfotePrincess

              Lmao. I feel you – a good margarita will change your day for the better.

              • miss t-lee

                It really is the truth, and the light. Having one today. :)

            • tgtaggie

              You can’t do patron shots anymore? That as depressing as Trump winning the republican nomination

              • miss t-lee

                I don’t drink Patron anymore, I’m all about that Herradura.
                I still can, but not as often as I once could. :(

        • Cheese is still my friend but milk is shiftless motherf***ker that that moves next door and keeps leaning on your car when you park on the street.

          • miss t-lee

            Ha! I don’t have an issue with milk, but then again I drink skim…so I’m pretty much drinking water…lol

            • I have to use Lactid for my protein shakes.

              • miss t-lee

                I’ve never tried it. My sis drinks it, says it’s pretty decent.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          So I can’t take you out drinking huh?

          I lost the battle with dairy so long ago.

          • miss t-lee

            I can still drink mayne.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Aight. You and me, shots. ONe of these days. You hear me?

              • miss t-lee

                Bet.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Nope..food does not play fair. It’s capable of more betrayal than a telenova.

      • miss t-lee

        Listen.

    • I was telling someone earlier that the thing FB is doing by showing all these old pix is really some form of torture. I’m not trying to see that pic from eight years ago when my waist, thighs, and boobs were smaller.

      • miss t-lee

        Another reason I’m glad I’m not on FB…lol

        • I’m slowly moving away from it, but those old pic reminders? I’m not here for them.

  • Father Time is the worst opponent ever and will run up the score if you let him.

    • miss t-lee

      He’s pretty much undefeated.

      • Is undefeated. It just depends on how you treat your mind, body, and sometimes genetics what the point spreads are. He will roll out a smash mouth defense to match an offense that will hang a half a hundred on you quick.

        • miss t-lee

          For. Real.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Even if you don’t let him, that son of a b i t c h fixed the game so long ago, there’s no way you can outthink him.

      • QuirlyGirly

        Nope he gonna get ya. He will get us all.

        • Pinks

          Except Angela Bassett.

          • QuirlyGirly

            Nah- he got he butt too. She just has the means to make it look like he passed her by.

            • Pinks

              truuuuuu

  • Pinks

    My bowels treat me well for the most part, but my knees are the real indicator of my impending geriatric life. I tried to sprint up the stairs last night and almost ended up needing to sheetrock the wall I would’ve fallen through had my kid not been there to break my fall.

    Childbirth screwed in the urinary department, tho. The minute I feel the urge I have to haul a s s before I end up like ole boy off Empire talmbout Drippity Drop Drip Drip or however that da mn song goes.

    • QuirlyGirly

      Ok I’m sorry the visual I got on this had me laughing because I too have almost fallen through a wall due to knee issues. I can’t even do some of my favorite dances because my knees may or may not cooperate.

      Lordt did you fell on top of your child? *trying to hold in laugher

      • Pinks

        I didn’t even really fall on him per se, but kind of stumbled into him as I tried to stop the fall. He knows his momma clumsy as a virgin.

        • QuirlyGirly

          Glad the baby is ok. I almost fell on top of my nephew- he had a look of terror in his eyes. We both were probably thinking the same thing-
          Him: Oh Godness she gonna crush me
          Me: Oh Godness Imma gonna crush him
          Thank God I caught myself.

          • Pinks

            Like a car accident waiting to happen lol

    • Tina

      “Childbirth screwed me over in the urinary department,”

      Girl, don’t let me sneeze when my bladder is full. Learned that lesson the hard way.

      • Pinks

        Liners on deck at all times. Dang hating a s s kids.

  • I’m tired of the liquid/gas/solid game. I don’t even tempt the fates anymore. I head to the bathroom, bring up twittter and let what happens, happen.

    • I’m gassier now but the solid/liquid/gas thing hasn’t happened yet. It’s still all gas to me.

      • One day, my friend, you are going to be dead wrong about that.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    Things that have happened with age:

    Fuller face
    More gassy
    In bed earlier
    Knees and hips pop
    Pants getting tighter (currently fighting this one)

    Curse you father time!!! Dropped another digit on me today. One minute you got me celebrating that I’m still here, the next I’m cursing you for the need to run to the bathroom after eating butter pecan ice cream.

    • The fuller face thing is weird because in my fam, we lose the fat off of our faces with age. I wonder what that’s about.

    • 2011k

      Wait, is that your way of saying that today’s your birthday? If so, happy birthday!!! ???

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Thank you

    • miss t-lee

      Happy Birthday?

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Thanks

    • Happy Birthday, Pops!

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Pops??? I would put salt on your sweet cookie Nabs if I was close enough to you.

        Reality stings like a SOB LOL

    • YeaSoh

      Yay Sig!! Happy Birthday!!!

    • Pinks

      Happy burfday, Zack Morris!!!

    • Tina

      My hips pop every time I turn over in bed and my back has been over it for like six years now.

    • QuirlyGirly

      I have always had a full face. Now it helps me because it makes me look younger than I am.

      • Qris_10

        Me also. Except now I’m getting age spots on my cheeks which my hair stylist has affectionately deemed “freckles “. Bare Minerals will never loose my business now

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Happy Berrrrrrrrrrrrrday Senpai Sigma!

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Thanks Homie

    • CrayolaGirl

      Happy Birthday!

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Thank you.

  • PaddyfotePrincess

    I decided to sprint up eight flights of stairs at the office one day. By the time I made it to the top, I was breathing so hard that I considered taking the elevator down to the basement and rummage through the storage room for a pacemaker.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      The visual for this is so hilarious, because I know how tiny you are and I have no idea how you can have the same lung capacity as 3 fat kids.

      • PaddyfotePrincess

        Lol. I should’ve jogged instead of doing the most. The people almost had to come and collect me.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Buahahaha.

          I now finally have stamina due to all my gym time, and now weirdly all these people I know who are smaller than me are super out of shape yet skinny. I have asthma, this boggles my mind.

          • Word! Working out gives you a bit of a reprieve on father time. It’s the recovery periods that kill you though. LOL

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Since I have asthma, I can never go HAM. I always have to pace things out, but the recovery time so far has been good to me. But I know in due time…I am so screwed.

          • PaddyfotePrincess

            Your dedication is admirable. I clearly need to stay in my lane and stick to dance and jogging for cardio. That stair sprinting or whatever the h*ll I thought I was doing is not for me.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              lmao no do the stairs. It helps so much. But you have to pace it. Instead of 7 flights, stick to 3, and do that for 3 months straight. You’ll build up a tolerance, and then move up to 5.

              That’s how I’ve managed to pull this off. I don’t go to the gym as much as I should, but I figured out a system for myself that helps me think I’m making progress.

            • QuirlyGirly

              Sometimes your mind says- Yeah you can do it and then you do it and then your body lets you know you were over ambitious.

              I used to be on a step team and tried an old routine. I couldn’t even finish the routine. I was breathing hard. I just sat on the floor, then I laid back for 10 mins until I caught my breath. I haven’t tried that routine since.

              • PaddyfotePrincess

                Lol, the struggle is real. I just have to find balance and not go overboard as I tend to do sometimes. I can’t be out here with a broken sacroiliac.

          • KB

            It’s funny to see people who don’t do cardio when they workout. My brother is like that. Swole as all outdoors but cant run more than 5 feet without getting winded.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I’m almost at the point where I question anyone with a “reasonable” body as to how they have no cardio skills at all. Like, I been chunky all my life and I have asthma. I usually had an excuse. These people though? Especially swole a$$ nigs, doing weights every single day? I cannot, for the life of me, figure that out.

            • Val

              Lol

    • Pinks

      I’ve done it up two and been ready for my grave. You good.

      • PaddyfotePrincess

        Lesson learned. I just walk the stairs several times a day. Very low impact, but I figure it’s better than taking the elevator.

  • Dwight Johnson

    Unfortunately, I had this situation before and after reading this article. First time was a false alarm and the second the real thing. It’s real annoying when you’re at work and have to rush to the quiet bathroom on another floor, then prep the stall all for nothing.

    • Yo, you have to know where the quiet/no coworkers in my department bathroom is.

      • miss t-lee

        Yup. That is key.

      • QuirlyGirly

        I know the times my coworkers usually hit the bathroom and I make sure I
        schedule my breaks accordingly.

      • Pinks

        Somebody found my spot and called out to me by noticing my shoes! I’m tight.

        • Noooo! Like, Bih, who? I don’t know you.

        • I would have played crazy. That’s personal time.

    • Pinks

      Stall prep is so necessary! Waiting for the elevator takes time, then I gotta put in my code to the bathroom all for naught.

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