- you better keep asking me “whats wrong?” before i beat you with this ridiculous hat
you’d think i was an expert when i came to the opposite sex
i mean, between my female fam, my great little cousin (happy birthday, homie) my numerous “not really all that platonic” friends, my old girlfriends, the crazy mocha baristas ive befriended, my verysmartness, and the biweekly¹ wisdom i spit, you’d think i’d know everything i needed to know about women by now.
i mean, sure, i know more than most. i know that when it doubt, compliment her hair. i can unclapse a bra with one hand in under 37 seconds, and, on a good day, i can even guess exactly when their period is due, give or take 2-3 weeks.
sadly, there’s some shit about women that i still just don’t get, stuff that goes completely over my otherwise verysmart head, and i need answers now!
1. considering the fact that i strain so much that i partially tear my achelles tendon every freakin time i put on a pair of tims, how the hell do you fit your feet into these…
…without dislocating your ankles?
2. (generally speaking) why does your taste in movies (generally) suck walrus d*ck? also, when you went to the d*ck store to decide which animal’s privates your taste in movies would suck, why did you have to overachieve and choose a walrus? why not something smaller like a cat or a ferret?
3. how the hell did your legs get so gotdamn strong?
*seriously, it doesn’t matter if she’s 5’1” and 85 pounds. if you get in a “play wrestling” match with a woman, any woman, and she manages to get her legs around you, its a wrap. just give up. with the exception of danny glover’s face, there’s nothing on earth stronger than a woman’s thigh grip, and any resistance at that point is futile.*
4. (generally speaking, again) why do you make so much more noise than we do during sex? i mean, as great as sex feels, i can’t imagine the getting being so good that it makes me wake the neighbors two blocks away, and i’d be scared to death of some vagina that made me convulse for four minutes and cry
seriously, if sex felt as good for us as you all make it sound and look, every man on the planet would die in a week from starvation and sleep-deprivation because we’d literally masturbate 24 hours straight every day until we were dead².
*btw, please don’t assume that me asking about the noise you make means that we don’t like it. please, continue to bring the muthaf*ckin noise*
5. you all hardly ever take shits, so how do you all manage to go through so much toilet paper? seriously, ya’ll go through more rolls than a fat kid at red lobster, and i’m curious how and why you’re able to do this.
6. why don’t you just tell us whats wrong when we first ask “whats wrong?”? and, if we take your “nothing” answer at face value and stop asking whats wrong, why do you get even more upset that we’re not asking you whats wrong anymore?
also, to save time and energy, is their any other initial question or code word or phrase we can ask in lieu of “whats wrong?” that’ll actually get you all to tell us whats wrong the first time we ask it? will “pass the jello” work? how about if we just say “jack mcbrayer”?
7. how do you always manage to pick the player and/or team to root for that will irritate us the most?
8. generally speaking, we’re smelly, hairy, and ugly egomaniac assholes. why aren’t you all lesbians? i mean, i get the whole advancing mankind thing. but, if i were forced to sleep next to this every night for 40 years…
…mankind could go f*ck itself
can somebody give me some freakin answers, please?
also, people of vsb.com, is there anything about the opposite sex that you still just don’t get, and would like to know?
¹is it biweekly or bimonthly when you’re trying to describe something that happens twice a month? i’d google this and find out, but i’m afraid google will respond with “n*gga, didnt you teach high school english for 4 years? shouldn’t you know this already? no wonder my nephew, twitter, cant read or write”
²this is no hyperbole.
—the champ
my husband is prolly there with you on #7…lol!
lol, you mean 1-7, right?
Mr Champ, sir, I’d LOVE to provide a few answers for you….
1) Magic….plus they look great with a pair of dark-washed skinny jeans.
LOLOL…(insert Flava Flav voice) Woooooooooooow. Great question.
2) Walrus d*ck? Really? Instead of attempting an answer that would result in my own confusion, I’d like to focus on your seemingly apparent interest in mammalian genitalia.
3) We women are generally stronger than men in all aspects of life…but I’m guessing that the leg strength probably came from years and years and years of carrying crap to and from places. Are those thighs putting you in a death grip? That’s a bit beyond sexy…more like life threatening.
4) Awww man….well, um, it’s a secret. Sometimes, it’s our own personal distration. You decide.
5) A simple course in Anatomy 102 might clear this up.
6) Hellllooooooo? anyone home? nope?
7) We’re still trying to understand how y’all can be from the Bay Area but roll harder than a stone for the Redskins. (insert Kanye shrug)
How can a man date a girl for 5 years and never propose, and the minute he starts dating the next girl, he’s all ready fallen in love and propose in under 6 months??? HOW?
A lot of guys tell me they’ll propose when they get their money straight and are ready to settle down, so sometimes it’s just really timing more than the girl.
Maybe you were just not the chick they wanted jump on. Maybe you should change your name from JumpOnIt to “PutARingOnIt”
this is a great question. if and when it happens to me……i’m going to delete my facebook account so there will be no e-records of the tomfoolery that could ensue. also, simon cowell totally just did this.
Simple, the “5-year girl” just isn’t the right one. He probably entertained the thought of marrying her for 1.5 days but he knows it’s not gonna happen.
“How can a man date a girl for 5 years never propose, and the minute he starts dating the next girl, he’s all ready fallen in love and propose in under 6 months???”
those women were just close buses. go here for more explanation and sh*t
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/close-bus-syndrome/
He’s not the one for the 5 yr girl (or she’s not the one for him). I grew to understand that when I was the X years girl…that’s just the way it is. Most times we can tell that he isn’t trying to make us his bride but we stick around hoping he will change his mind.
That does happen a lot, right? But, hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz so maybe you’re better off. If he had any doubt you were the one, then you weren’t. You deserve someone who does think you are the one.
Sorry for the Oprah inspiration, but it’s Friday and I’m
excited about getting liquored up tonightin a giving mood.“But, hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz so maybe you’re better off”
*nodding head and sh*t*
JumpOnIt (to provide a possible answer to your question):
The man in question has been beaten so far into submission by the previous girlfriend over 5 years that ANYTHING different is going to look like total and ultimate salvation – No. I am partially kidding Plus, you have to remember, that if you dated him for 5 years, then he was ‘growing up” over that time…. at the end (of the 5 years) he has actually COMPLETED his maturation process and is able to see things more clearly; he sees that you are not that great and realizes (like the movie) “He’s Just Not That Into You” afterall….. THEN…. he meets ANYONE different who seems appears to be total salvation and Nirvanna, so he proposes AND what’s worse (unlike a lot of women) he has done so while completely forgetting about YOU and the 5 years you spent together. Unfortunately, (generally) women are unable to be fully successful in doing this and end up making decisions based on
their Ex’s (sp?) while the we tend to be VERY good at moving (as they say in certain places): “On to the next bitch”. If women could manage to practice the same philiosphy a bit better, then they would be able to (likely) rule the world. I mean, I know women that are MARRIED and have been for over 15 years that are STILL “angry” with boyfriends they haven’t dated in over 20 years. Oh – YES! They talk to them in casual conversation and stay in touch as friends, but quietly they are attempting to punish them for their past sins (to this day) not realizing (or wanting to) that although he may not be PROUD of the way he treated her back then…. HE’S DONE WITH THAT SHIT! Now… where’s the spell check mechanism on this Blog “reply”???? Anyone??
How come men can never piss IN the toilet? How do you all manage to get pee everywhere but IN the Damn toilet? And in answer to #5. we use toilet paper to keep the vaj clean. It wouldn’t be cute if we had stains on our panties.
Its hard to aim that wood at 5am. It doesn’t bend. I’m sleepy and some times I just dont give enough of a phuc to lean aginst the wall to get it in the right spot. They say its steile anyway so stop whining.
it doesn’t smell sterile.
my pee smells like Old Spice.
I’m on a horse.
LOL, that commercial creeps me out.
look at your man, now look at me, look at your man, look at me, him, me
love it!!!
They bother me too. I am not sure if the actor and director meant for it to come off as gay as it did.
LMAO. Those old spice commercials are stupid funny.
“Its hard to aim that wood at 5am. It doesn’t bend.”
*nodding head and “pausing” at the same time*
This question is at the top of my list of “WHY, MEN?!?!” Men can get a slight pass for peeing all over the toilet and floor at 5am because of morning wood. But what the heck is the problem during the rest of the day?
“Men can get a slight pass for peeing all over the toilet and floor at 5am because of morning wood. But what the heck is the problem during the rest of the day?”
dusk wood, bunch wood, midday wood, and after dinner wood
“They say its steile anyway so stop whining.”
“They” need more people. I don’t care if pee is so sterile you can brush your teeth with it, ain’t no chick wanna sit in a pee when they tinkle. And it smells like ass, which is funny, considering it doesn’t come from there. But, I digress.
“It wouldn’t be cute if we had stains on our panties”
somebody needs to tell liz about that.
welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
Rude.
Miss BXNYC,
I have the same question. I actually had a bf that some how managed to pee on my cat. He CLAIMS the cat ran through the stream of urine while he was peeing. THAT was a lie. Poor Mr. peepers.
sounds like the cat should have ducked
“Shit, if I didn’t wanna get peed on, I would have moved out the way!”
“And if R. Kelly goes to jail, I’ma piss on yo’ cat!”
Not to mention have you ever pour a bottle of water into some more water? Doesn’t it tend to splash other places?
Hence the “splash zone around the toilet”
LMAO at all of these questions. I’m as confused as you are at pretty much all of them. Especially the “what’s wrong” question. I always say “nothing”, but if he stops asking I get pissed. He needs to figure it out!!! lol
….. And did you have to add the pic of that random disgusting man? He’s gonna haunt my dreams
you don’t see how silly that is?
LOL. Of course I see how silly it is… but the Champ asked for an explanation. My explanation: He should know me well enough to know what’s wrong. Irrational? Yes. But does it explain why I get upset when he stops asking? Yep. lol
“He should know me well enough to know what’s wrong. Irrational? Yes. But does it explain why I get upset when he stops asking? Yep. lol”
lol, so basically you want us to be able to read your minds, but only when you’re upset and not when you’re watching the nuggets and fantasizing about carmelo anthony?
I never ask what’s wrong. If she wants me to know what’s wrong she will start a monologue eventually. So I take the the time before she starts to enjoy myself or get things done because once a woman starts, it takes a while to stop. Plus in most cases my interest in the problem is passing because they are rarely problems big enough for me to take my shades off, put on my cape, swoop in and fix.
I’m the opposite. I hate it when a man, or anyone for that matter keeps on asking me “whats wrong?” Ask me once, and if I say nothing, than don’t continue to ask me, its only gonna piss me off even more. Take what I say for face value and leave me alone if I say nothing.
so, if something is wrong (as evidenced by your “pissed off even more” statement), why not just say it?
Maybe I’m not ready to talk about it at that moment, when I’m ready to tell you whats bothering me I’ll come to you. And most of the time when something is wrong and I get asked whats wrong, I will let you know whats up. I rarely like to keep things in.
“Maybe I’m not ready to talk about it at that moment, when I’m ready to tell you whats bothering me I’ll come to you.”
As a fellow chick, I get this, but why not say, “I don’t wanna talk about it (right now)”. I don’t know many men who are dying to talk about it in the first place so if you say this to them, most likely, they’ll kanyeshrug and walk away until you do come to them later.
#1 – Sexy shoes/boots are worth it. The only time that I’m not in heels is when I’m at the gym or chillen at home.
#7 – That works both ways. I’ve been meeting too many Lakers fans lately.
#8 – That pic is scary!
The things that I don’t get about men is why they like to fight so much, let their boys convince them to do stupid things, break up with you and get mad when you move on and start a fight with the new guy, have bad taste in gifts, and can’t express how they feel.
“The things that I don’t get about men is why they like to fight so much, let their boys convince them to do stupid things, break up with you and get mad when you move on and start a fight with the new guy”
lol, sounds like you’ve been dating ronnie from “jersey shore”
Ronnie did not want to fight. His girlfriend instigated the whole thing. Ronnie is about peace. The women on the show were the violent ones, as evidenced by the multiple brawls that involved Snookers/Snookie
“Ronnie did not want to fight. His girlfriend instigated the whole thing. Ronnie is about peace. The women on the show were the violent ones, as evidenced by the multiple brawls that involved Snookers/Snookie”
this is true. in both fights he basically did everything he could to walk away.
except for when he sprinted damn near a mile to deck ‘ol dude in the face. yall need more people.
Lol!
I’m new to this blog, so please Champ tell me that is not a pic of you. Pleaaaase. It ruins the fantasy…
I sometimes wish I were a lesbian but, I love the pen1s. Not dildos- the real gotdamn thing….
yep. that’s the champ. Kind of sad, right? lol
@Selah-yep. that’s the champ. Kind of sad, right? lol
*dead and gone at this comment, now i have to catch my breath
“yep. that’s the champ. Kind of sad, right? lol”
Yeah, it’s how he got his name. He’s the twinkie-eating champ.
although i’m not sure how i feel about someone named “rob” fantasizing about me, welcome and sh*t.
and yeah: didn’t you know that both me and p are 3′s?
“although i’m not sure how i feel about someone named “rob” fantasizing about me, welcome and sh*t.”
Wait, I just noticed this. lol
Champ, I thought it was a bit odd that Rob wanted to fantasize about you to, lol. I know that this blog is an unbiased, boundary free venue of expression, but damn, lol. If Rob is a guy, I know that he is gonna read my comment and commence to curse me out as well while rolling his neck and eyes and shit, lol.
…is Rob short for “Roberta…Robin” possibly?….or something with a little more femininity? lol
The husband says the same about my taste in movies but I just don’t want to see people blowing up or some old lady turning into some kind of monster or zombie, just not my thing. I’m also guilty of #6…it’s like I already expect him to know what’s the matter with me. The fact that he doesn’t is upsetting for some reason…chalk it up to being emotional (I speak for myself).
I still don’t get why it’s so damn hard for guys to put the seat down. And before you ask, yes I do put the seat up when I’m finished. I grew up sharing a bathroom with brothers so I know it’s what’s expected.
“The fact that he doesn’t is upsetting for some reason…chalk it up to being emotional (I speak for myself).”
i like to chalk it up to being bipolar, but i guess “emotional woman” works as well
This doesn’t make sense. There has to be an agreed upon seat position or none at all.
If you are putting the seat back up – how do you know others are not putting it down. Maybe it is just you.
In general my response to seat up/down is if you are too lazy to look before you handle your business, whatever results is mostly your fault.
8. generally speaking, we’re smelly, hairy, and ugly egomaniac assholes. why aren’t you all lesbians?
I ask myself this question every now and then and then some guy comes along who knows how good he has it and makes an effort to clean up just right and we change/lose our minds…and then he gets comfortable and it starts all over again…
so basically, you’d be a lesbian if we weren’t great actors?
welcome and sh*t, btw
and the oscar goes to…yes that’s what I’m saying. We also have short term memory issues.
thx for the welcome
As I am surrounded by a group of wonderful supportive women who have my back and they have been my rock in all things (except sex, let’s be clear) for the many years i’ve been single, I have seriously wondered why I’m not gay. However, I’d have to say that y’all clean up well, y’all have penises, and sometimes you do do shit that makes a woman go…awwwwwwwww. and should we disagree, there won’t be two of us that want to dissect and analyze every single solitary moment, look, glance and conversation that has ever taken place between us. that’s why. oh, and that period thing? gotta give it to men on that one. i’m not sure i’d be so quick to put my mouth to any place that oozes blood on a monthly basis. you think chicks don’t want to suck dick now….whaaat? trust and believe, they gave women periods for a reason…and baby-carrying too, but i digress.
1- I love heels. They make me feel great and they’re kinda necessary. I’m 5’7 and he’s 6’4 I feel like a kid if I wear flats next to him
3- From squatting when you pee in public and from wearing those heels =)
5- lol we do poo but we probably do it when you’re asleep
Things I don’t get abt men
-why can’t you tell me how you feel once in a while w/o me having to drag it out of you
-why do you feel the need to “write your autograph” at the end of coitus
-how come you’re such babies when you get sick
if i can’t wait until he’s sleep, i run the shower. my ex and i went out of town together and had some bad mexican food. to this day he thinks i have ocd. ha! men…
“5- lol we do poo but we probably do it when you’re asleep”
that explains it. no wonder my bathroom always mysteriously smells like sh*t in the morning.
also, please expound about this:
“-why do you feel the need to “write your autograph” at the end of coitus?”
-lol running the shower is a good one too.
-ummm i mean what’s with expelling the baby-juice on a girl’s cheeks after coitus.
Should we ask where you would like it?
Yes.
“ummm i mean what’s with expelling the baby-juice on a girl’s cheeks after coitus.”
Some of us like to revel in our work. And which cheeks are you talking about? We like to release on either one.
lol @ “Some of us like to revel in our work.” I’m def talking about the lower cheeks
Champ,
I think that Satya has provided you with a blog topic like no other. The notion of taking the condom off (if you’re wearing one) and skeeting (yes, I know that sounds disgusting, lmao) on a girls booty cakes, breast or face (my personal favorite, sike) is a behavior that is actually rather odd and under discussed or investigated. Isn’t the purpose of the condom to catch the skeet (yes, I made it a noun, lol)?? Why do we feel the need to ‘shoot’ it on the women somewhere?
Eyebrows…why do some women shave off their eyebrows completely and then try to draw them back on…doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of shaving them off in the first place? Never understood this…
we’re all on a quest for the perfect brow. though, the whole shavin it off to draw it back on thing is a bit outdated and crazy.
and brows are important because a good brow can be the difference between looking like a ceily vs. looking like a tyra.
I understand the quest for the perfect brow, but it’s still a lil’ crazy. Besides, ya’ll don’t use that shave and draw technique on any other areas….l ain’t NEVER seen a drawn-on bikini line on a brazilian.
I’m just sayin’…
LOL, my sister started plucking her eyebrows early on and made them super thin. Now they don’t grow back and she has to draw them in. Haha.
LMBO…
One word:
Trichotillomania
*google it*
No need for me to google it, I work in the mental health field. LMBO, that is hilarious!
This is a great question. It’s so baffling to me.
“Eyebrows…why do some women shave off their eyebrows completely and then try to draw them back on…doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of shaving them off in the first place? Never understood this…”
this would have been my next question if i extended the list
“Eyebrows…why do some women shave off their eyebrows completely and then try to draw them back on…doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of shaving them off in the first place? Never understood this…”
I, as a woman — but not a woman who does this — would love to know this as well. I mean, I know we can do some irrational ish, but what in thee hell is the point of this?
They were trying to go for the Whoopi look and later realized it wasn’t the best idea….
rimshot!!!
Why do women like to eat my food, and then tell me it’s nasty once they’ve already devoured it in its entirety?
Why do women think mix-matching underwear is fine, because we’ve been together so long?
Why do women make me receive head, when I tell them I’m a giver? Because she wanted to make explode in her mouth like a box of rock candy
How can women tolerate being caressed? I’m too ticklish for that sh!t
Why don’t women believe chivalry is chauvinistic? It’s a form of oppression, from the medieval period.
Why do women ask you, what you like and continue to do as they please?
Why do women ask questions and only hear what they want to?
Why do women want good d!ck but think there are no pu$$y requirements? Here’s a few tight, wet, fresh, and actually able to handle good d!ck. “why you running?” FYI… I can’t know your body better than you do.
Why can you all love so deep, be crushed and bounce back with such grace and beauty?
I might not get it all, but I dnt need to either.
hey don’t hate on the mismatched underwear. orange and yellow compliment each other.
@TheHallway/TheSunk
“How can women tolerate being caressed? I’m too ticklish for that sh!t”
I am the same way. As old as i am I am still extra sensitive to that.
“Why don’t women believe chivalry is chauvinistic? It’s a form of oppression, from the medieval period.”
Me and my homeboy were just talking about this. Chivalry is the consolation prize for being looked at like a child and all the other BS women had to put up with from men.
“Me and my homeboy were just talking about this. Chivalry is the consolation prize for being looked at like a child and all the other BS women had to put up with from men.”
No….it’s called being a gentleman. Chivalry is a good thing and should not be seen as oppressive or some type of consolation prize. Does your statement mean that you look a woman “like a child” if she requires this? (just curious)
“No….it’s called being a gentleman. Chivalry is a good thing and should not be seen as oppressive or some type of consolation prize. Does your statement mean that you look a woman “like a child” if she requires this? (just curious)”
I don’t look at women like they are children. But some men do and men did in the past. Why do you think men told women “don’t worry your little head” or called women “baby” and wanted you to come to their “crib”? Womens opinions were not respected. I look at this way. There is something wrong when a man is chivalrous to a woman yet she can’t vote, have a career, or acheive her dreams.
“Why do you think men told women “don’t worry your little head”
because men tend to be problem solvers. Not to say women can’t solve problems, but some men do not want to be perceived as whiney or give his lady a reason to think he can’t handle a problem. Plus, most men feel a sense of pride when they are able to protect and provide for the ones they care about.
“and wanted you to come to their “crib”?
ummm….is this a line from Jody in Baby Boy? lol
“There is something wrong when a man is chivalrous to a woman yet she can’t vote, have a career, or acheive her dreams.”
Maybe this was true in the past, but women enjoy many more freedoms today. So is it some type of trade off—women have more so now men should not be chivalrous? (scratchin’ my head, just trying to follow your line of thought)
“and wanted you to come to their “crib”?
“ummm….is this a line from Jody in Baby Boy? lol”
lmfao, Ivyette, I thought of this too. Wasn’t there some dissertation about niccas being babies because they use the word “crib” as their home.
Why don’t women believe chivalry is chauvinistic? It’s a form of oppression, from the medieval period.
OMG seriously. this, this is how i feel. I HATE waiting for men to open doors for me, walking in front of me when we are on stairs (to make sure i dont fall) holding umbrellas. ugh all of it. simply bec i am ALL about efficiency and me waiting for you to open my door holds up the process.
however, it is nice for someone to think enough to open your door. but men let’s figure out another way to show kindness to us women. also, its not like the chivalry happens on a regular basis.
I think you must be referring to walking DOWNstairs. If you were walking UPstairs with someone ahead of you and you fell, there is no way you’re being caught.
As a woman I totally disagree. I love Chivalry and I am sorry it’s dying out. When I commute on the NYC subway, and men don’t give up their seat for a woman, not even elderly or pregnant women, it sickens me to my stomach. Men are born from women and they need to remember that. I don’t find anything oppressive about a man doing chivalrous things for me. I am secure in the woman that I am, and I don’t use being a woman as a crutch.
I think a man should open doors, a man should walk on the outside of the sidwalk, a man should open the car door. I think that’s what’s wrong with society today. We have fallen too far from the old values that kept relationships going in the past. LET A MAN BE A MAN…sure I can open my own door but its different when my man does it for me. You can be a strong woman and still let your man be the man.
“LET A MAN BE A MAN…sure I can open my own door but its different when my man does it for me. You can be a strong woman and still let your man be the man”
Cosign on your entire post, especially this part!
What about the values that keep relationships going in the present? Who cares about the past.
In any case, everyone is different. Reading books on how to give women 50 Os in one night won’t do you any good if she’s only good for 2 a day. You tailor your behavior to the person you want*. She wants doors held open, they are held open. She doesn’t like that, then it doesn’t happen.
*Or you tailor your behavior to create the person you want.
*applauding*
I so agree.
“How can women tolerate being caressed? I’m too ticklish for that sh!t”
ive wondered the same thing. i’d seriously start giggling like richard simmons if they touched us the way they like to be touched
lol. yasssssssssssss (at that picture of the disgusting man–apologies to his familiy–and your reaction to it.) see, this is exactly the reason why we expect you to pay for dinner and be chivalrous. 9 times out of 10, i could have more fun sitting on my couch talking to my girlfriends. most men don’t rise to that level of ickiness. and some men are just plain delicious, but still…..sometimes it takes incentive. so don’t judge us.
and first of all, by the time 37 seconds have passed, i will officially have been out of the mood for about 15 seconds.
um…..toilet paper is essential to the grooming process. i’d rather draw blood than risk being caught out there in the community in a gross and foul way. oh, plus, i always use a little bit of toilet paper to close the seat and flush. it’s weird, but i even do this in my house. so i have to ration out 2 extra squares for that.
the chex noises are sometimes an involuntary reaction to pleasure. and sometimes an indication that you’ve done all you can do and we need to be wrapping it up.
personally, i say “nothing” when a man asks what’s wrong because i don’t feel like hearing his dumba*s, irrelevant, “i’m smarter than you so even though i didn’t really listen to the problem and don’t know anything about the context of the situation, i am still able to tell you what to do by using generalizations, hypocrosies and old a*s cliches” type of man logic that will inevitably follow.not because nothing’s really wrong. hell, you should be able to glean from my devastated mood that something IS WRONG. so, when your a*s keeps asking or, worse yet, tries to carry on with life like everything’s ok and like nothing is wrong, it’s time for me to just end it and let you know what’s wrong. since you claim you want to know what’s wrong. hm…writing this paragraph was cathartic.
and you know yall love the strong thigh muscles, so don’t even worry about it. why ask why?
@charli skipper,
Much truth in your comment
Much truth indeed.
cosignnnnn
“personally, i say “nothing” when a man asks what’s wrong because i don’t feel like hearing his dumba*s, irrelevant, “i’m smarter than you so even though i didn’t really listen to the problem and don’t know anything about the context of the situation, i am still able to tell you what to do by using generalizations, hypocrosies and old a*s cliches” type of man logic that will inevitably follow.not because nothing’s really wrong. hell, you should be able to glean from my devastated mood that something IS WRONG. so, when your a*s keeps asking or, worse yet, tries to carry on with life like everything’s ok and like nothing is wrong, it’s time for me to just end it and let you know what’s wrong. since you claim you want to know what’s wrong. hm…writing this paragraph was cathartic.”
so basically the best way to get a quick answer is just to ignore you?
……yeah, probably. then i’ll just tell you.
Seriously, 37 seconds? If you don’t get “when did you undo my bra?” everytime, you need to go back to the practice
jump-offdummy.Great post as always. My humble attempt at answers (although I can not speak for all women):
1. We are used to flexing our foot and the shoe is so damn hot we go numb in giddy participation of
killin’ deez h*esour ensemble. Thus, the “shoe timer” and when time is up, the numbness wears off and we ready to throw them damn shoes into on-going traffic. All of you men have seen the “my-feet-hurt-in-these-killer-shoes hobble”.2. Subjective and not all women like wack flicks.
3. From a women’s natural anatomy when using the restroom and years of hovering over a public toilet we have to use, but never touch.
4. ‘Cause you like it.
5. Biology, big behinds, and cleanliness.
6. We so pissed at first we don’t want to talk about it and we pissed that you gotta even ask because you should know. The fact that you don’t pisses us off too.
7. Naw, that’s you, homie. Our team is the sh*t.
8. There’s a glove for every hand.
Co-sign about the “shoe timer”!! I always have to mentally calculate how much time I’ll be on my feet and pick a pair of heels accordingly!!! I’ll be like “I can’t wear these pair because these are 30-minute pumps and I’ll be standing for at least a few hours”!! LOL!!! The things women go through…
sooo true, but champ i hear you….if men had to wear heels, they would go out of style and sneakers would rule. but we wear them joints cause we know y’all like them. you may not know the brand, the color or the style, but you damn sure know there’s a difference between rihanna or beyonce in the 5′ and some chick waiting on the bus in grandma flats. i don’t think we’d ever choose to wear heels if not for men, because there ain’t nothing worse than hurtin’ feet no matter how cute your shoes look.
Co-sign on the shoe timer, though they may be comfortable when you first put them on. Every shoe has a time limit. SMH @ myself bout to cry @ some party with hurt feet around 2am.
“2. Subjective and not all women like wack flicks.”
by “not all women” you mean “all women”, right?
Negative. My movie taste is THE business, lol!
Why haven’t you killed Nicki Minaj? If I were a woman I would have put a contract out on her head. The damage that she is doing may take multiple generations to undue. She has otherwise beautiful women running around looking like drag queens. I hope you aren’t waiting for someone to send a cyborg back in time to terminate her mother to prevent her rise to prominence.
@Dash
I blame Weezy and ‘nem for Nikki Menaj or how ever her name is spelled. I still don’t understand that ‘ish…..
Isn’t Nicki 40 years old or something like that? And I have to keep it real, I don’t care what here face looks like, she is def holding on to some serious hardware back there…NO CEILINGS!!!!
Good brutha, you aint never lied.
Those hostess pound cakes that she calls butt cheeks seem to grow by multiples of 2 every day, lol.
YOUNG MOOLAH BABY!
Ladies would putting the nani on a man’s sideburns produce a sensation similar to tribbing? I have been looking for a way to explain the purpose of that line ever since I heard it. If her genitalia can go from side burn to side burn she has serious problems.
Done and Done…
I’m plugged into the Matrix…you won’t even remember her in 6 months…
Man I love this blog. I am constantly laughing at these posts. That pic in #8 just killed the mood. Wow.
1-I love heels and shoes in general, but I see some of the heels other women where and I’m baffled myself. I like to be cute, but cuteness is completely eliminated when one is walking around all funny and grimacing…ya’ll know the my feet hurt, but I’m trying to play it off and still look fly walk.
4-We can multi-task better. Enjoy, please, and noise.
6-Cause it’s probably about ya’ll and you should just know what you did! Lol.
7-I’m a sports fan. I do it intentionally. I find no problem with it either. Especially since they always talk ish about my team.
*Twice a month is bimonthly, twice a week is biweekly.
ok maybe I’m wrong on the bimonthly/biweekly. It seems like they are used both ways.
“4-We can multi-task better. Enjoy, please, and noise.”
what does this have to do with the noise?
Either she’s threatening to play on facebook during sex instead of making noises OR she’s counting enjoying, pleasing, and making noise as different tasks. You’re guess to which is as good as mine.
1.) As far as getting the boots (ones w/o zippers) on I don’t know how. Guess it’s just the being so anxious to get them fly things on our feet and be cute but w/o fail… once back home at the end of the night, I’m always pointing my leg toward some body talkin ’bout “here… pull.” I be mad when I’m at my place w/ no one to help get them off though.
2.)To most men that know me, I have bad taste in movies.
They want to see The Book of Eli and I’m all like, “Let’s see Dear John!”
3.) My legs got strong from dance (ballet, clogging & tap), double dutch, bike riding, horse riding and see saws when I was younger and squats and my Cardio Twist now.
4.) Sex noises from a female… can’t even explain it…. good lawd!
5.) The tissue issue. Hmmm….. I think I just like to wrap my hand really well and then wipe really well *shrug*
6.) If we said something the first time you guys asked then we wouldn’t know if you really cared or if you were just asking just to be asking.
7.) I dunno but I’m good for this. I’ll be like, “Yay Lakers!” and allasudden, dude mumbling something about b*tcha**ness or whatev.
8.) We need someone to boss around.
@Made In Hawaii
“My legs got strong from dance (ballet, clogging & tap), double dutch, bike riding, horse riding and see saws when I was younger and squats and my Cardio Twist now.”
We don’t allow comments like this on VSB without a pic.
“We don’t allow comments like this on VSB without a pic.”
apparently she hasn’t received the memo. she must be on hotmail
*LOL*
Forget both of ya’ll!!
No, I didn’t get the memo because it got sent to my hotmail acct. where all my junk mail goes. :-p
1. I think I am one of the few women that doesn’t wear high heels. I’m already 6′ tall, I don’t need the extra height!
2. *BZZT* Stop that thought right there. I love a good action flick as much as the next person. A good movie for me is explosions, car chases and people getting their asses beat!
3. Leg pressing 140 pounds and glute pressing 130 pounds 2 days a week for the past year. *RAWR* That and we’re predisposed to lower leg strength.
4. Cuz it feel good and yall know yall like a good performance.
5. Who wants doo-doo on their hands?! Ewwww!
6. If I say nothing, that’s code for back the fuck up because I could kill you at any second. I need to calm down before I confront about the situation.
7. It irritates you. Check mate!
8. Who knows? I don’t think I could deal with a woman for a partner.
“Leg pressing 140 pounds and glute pressing 130 pounds 2 days a week for the past year. *RAWR* That and we’re predisposed to lower leg strength.”
You too are violating the rules of this blog. Comments like this must be accompanied with a pic.
“5. Who wants doo-doo on their hands?”
depends
on what? ewwwww.
if you capitalized it, I’d almost think you were going for a double entendre.
“if you capitalized it, I’d almost think you were going for a double entendre.”
Glad I wasn’t the only one who thought this. In fact, I still think he is because Champ doesn’t capitalize for sh*t. He’s like the opposite of America. No capitalization.
“Champ doesn’t capitalize for sh*t. He’s like the opposite of America. No capitalization.”
LOL!
I like that….
should be Champ’s slogan or something….
HILARIOUS! Yall have me cracking up all the time… all I can said is…Champ, for real, walrus d*ck!? Seriously?! Who thinks of that… I DIED…came back to life laughing @ “please, continue to bring the muthaf*ckin noise” I love it and glad to know yall love it too
!
Yea and then DIED again looking at the picture…why oh why… LOL!!
Good post, yall have me wondering about yall’s randomness too… thank goodness all men don’t look like that pic
“Yall have me cracking up all the time… all I can said is…Champ, for real, walrus d*ck!?”
it should be you explaining yourself, not me. of all the penises to choose from, why’d you choose a walrus? sh*t, i dont even know what a walrus looks like
“sh*t, i dont even know what a walrus looks like”
Yes you do, you posted a pic of one under your number 8 question.
“it should be you explaining yourself, not me. of all the penises to choose from…”
Movie choice of what is good and bad is pretty relative. You cannot generalize that our tastes are akin to s*ckin animal d*ck…smh
1. See #3
2. That’s something even I don’t understand. I like to see stuff ‘splode (take it how you wanna) without TOO much explanation, hand holding or scenery…
3. We learn (typically around the age of 16) how to run away from horndogs while wearing 6 inch stilettos and whatnot…”Stranger Danger” ain’t no punk!
4. Because (for some women) the G(orgeous spot) is as elusive to we as it is to you…Imagine finding a Lambo under a ton of your mom’s soiled underwear…Yeah, that’s how we feel too…
5. You should see what we do at work…
6. Because, DAGNABIT, you should know by now that leaving your bowl of grits/oatmeal/hummus/tabouli on the counter overnight makes it harder to clean…run some damned water in it!!! *wow…didn’t know that was in there…* (BTW: The “magic word” is “fingerpuppets”…
7. Because then you no longer pay attention to the game and attempt to “school” us…duh.
8. See #4…
*The views of this reply are not “technically” endorsed by Tenchi*
4. Because (for some women) the G(orgeous spot) is as elusive to we as it is to you…Imagine finding a Lambo under a ton of your mom’s soiled underwear…Yeah, that’s how we feel too
apparently the g-spot doesn’t exist, at least according to this study:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/29/AR2010012904172.html
That article is sum bull. Just cause most mofos can’t find it, does not mean it doesn’t exist. I know that nice lil spot my ex used to be hitting was not a figment of my imagination…
LOL @ fingerpuppets
Oh my God where do you get these pictures? What do you put as your search words in google? Fat, lewd perverts, future obese sociopaths, NAMBLA’s weighty members?
#1- I don’t get this either. By which I mean I’m crazy jealous of women who can wear this and manage to walk (or even just totter) around and not break their necks. My heels are just aching look at those boots.
#3-Running and Yoga, lots, lots and lots of Yoga.
#4- We are vocal creatures, all that screaming and moaning is a release valve; a pleasure release valve.
#6-This is because 9 times out of 10 it’s your fault. Your a** should know what is wrong. I jest, I jest. Most of the times we don’t even know what’s wrong. At least I don’t know; I’m just pissed and moody. Let me pissed and moody and the cloud we’ll pass, eventually.
#8-Uhhmmmm…….yeah.
And I believe the term you are going for is biweekly. Biweekly, happens every two weeks, bimonthly occurs every two months.
I can’t string together any coherent thoughts on this topic for some reason. I’m constantly perplexed by the opposite sex, but all those examples elude me at this point.
Dear Gawd, I just reread my post and it’s a veritable land fill of typos and grammatical errors. The logophile in me just died a little. Mia Culpa.
I have thought of one thing that perplexes me about the less fairer sex; their aversion to doctors/medical aid? Is this real or just one of those stereotype things? If it is an accurate depiction of a majority of the men what is the reason for it?
“I have thought of one thing that perplexes me about the less fairer sex; their aversion to doctors/medical aid? Is this real or just one of those stereotype things?”
It. is. real!! and annoying as all……(Help me Father), had to deal with this one too many times.
“I have thought of one thing that perplexes me about the less fairer sex; their aversion to doctors/medical aid? Is this real or just one of those stereotype things? If it is an accurate depiction of a majority of the men what is the reason for it?”
being conditioned to not complain, shrug things off, and not look “weak” your entire life has some unfortunate biproducts. this is one of them
i think it’s spelled “mea culpa.”
ummm…that’s MEA CULPA…just trying to be helpful…
pleasure release valve yes, that’s a good one…as mistress alexis says “don’t let them hit the bottom” i did and look what happened, i’m now bereft and in dick withdrawal…..
yes men, it happens….it’s a little like crack withdrawal…..
i’m glad i’m not the only loud chick out here, i know my neighbors must be wondering whatever happened to K? cause i’m sure they’ve heard his name in several octaves….
the crying is a release it’s like all tension, pain, drama, life issues, etc.etc., just runs out with the orgasm…..it’s such and indescribably amazing feeling that it comes without words or control….so if you can produce that, be appreciative. and you better know if your woman is a quiet lover or not, because while you may be thinking she’s just a rarity, she’s thinking whenisthisshitgoingtoendsoicangettomylaundry?
All of this ish was funny as hell! I agree with Charli Skipper on the thigh situation, y’all would be mad at weak thighs! Great post!
nnbhh.blogspot.com
welcome and sh*t
- The random, completely unwarranted moments of male-bashing, often manifested as a condescendingly placed “men…” in response to an explanation given for something. It’s said as if the things men do are any more asinine than the things women do (hint: they aren’t).
- Why I’m expected to be a mind-reader. When I was a baby, my mom would always tell me to use my words, because nothing enunciates a desire like actually saying it. So, if you want something, use your f*cking words, otherwise don’t blame me when you don’t get it.
- Why y’all take relationship advice from girlfriends who are always in terrible relationships or divorced or something.
Cosigning on these questions as well. I think these have all gotten me vexed at some point or another.
“- Why y’all take relationship advice from girlfriends who are always in terrible relationships or divorced or something.”
sh*t, why do they try to get advice about men from women at all? thats like wanting better form on your jumpshot, and asking peyton manning how to do it
shit peyton might have a unique approach based on his understanding of trajectory…you never know….
To the extent I know…
1. Heels? I don’t get ‘em either. To me, they harken back to the chinese foot-binding concept, hobble them to keep them submissive. Also, medically they are horrible for your feet and legs.
2. Can’t stand a chick flick. Give me explosions or death or monsters or laughs (real laughts like the hangover NOT 27 dresses). With that said, inexplicably, my favorite movie of all time is The Princess Bride. I dunno, clever dialogue, word fights, torture, ROUSs…
3. Chex noise? First of all, with me, that be you. Second, ya’ll are visual creatures with serious insecurities who have come to rely on the cheering section to keep you motivated until you score enough points for a Big Win. I want a Big Win. I will cheer your behind on until I get one. And trust, when i don’t get at least one, you’re getting benched. Sorry playa.
Also, that be you demanding noise. Asking questions and then tryna superstroke just at the right time to elicit a squeal or moan or voice crack.
6. What’s Wrong? You, nicca! You get that much right? Kidding. Not Really. I don’t get this either and I’m a girl. I operate from the basic assumption that Men are Dumb, well actually Blind, Deaf, and Dumb when it comes to female emotional subtleties and complexities. Most of ya’ll can’t understand your mothers and sisters and you’ve been around them forever, so why would I expect you to get me?
Men:
Why do you think carpet in the bathroom is OK?
Why do you eat like Inmate #47589 is going to come take your food?
We got all night, why you rushing on the foreplay?
“We got all night, why you rushing on the foreplay?”
because my tongue is tired, my neck is cramping, and i need to do something about this log in my pants before it gets too late
Stop crying.
cum already or shut the hell up
tired tongue? cramping neck? nicca, please! We have to put in put in way more work neck work what we do requires considerably more dexterity, versatility, creativity, and stamina. I ain’t hearing it. Your answer FAILS.
I concur.
Cry me a river Champie.
“We have to put in put in way more work neck work what we do requires considerably more dexterity, versatility, creativity, and stamina”
ok, so you have to put in neck work. we’re saving our energy for the stroke work
I agree. Some women go HARD when they freestyle on the Mic…Man the f**k up!
really, if you ever realized the multiple skills it takes to suck a dick, from handling your natural gag reflex to positioning yourself at the maximum angle for his pleasure and your comfort, to hoping that the ninja’s diet hasn’t been crazy lately and that he keeps sucking on those jolly ranchers that make the sperm palatable…oh, too much? well, that’s what WE have to deal with. and then making sure we get ours before you decide to blast off, even if that’s about 20 minutes before we started getting deep into the pleasure principle – yes, it feels good for you to just lay in the pussy sometimes and look into our eyes or stroke our hair (if your woman lets you touch it) and move about half a stroke….ok, must stop and work on my dick rehab a little more …the craving, oh, the craving!
Too funny…I chuckled at your mention of Rodents Of Unusual Size = ROUSs. hehe…
Re# 4- you should be grateful for the noise, it happens for one of two reasons, either it’s that gd good or, she’s a better actress than any of them females on yesterdays post , *sidenote- I would bet stacks and stacks of cash that homey in the picture gets nothing but crickets, that he could even get that far is another wonder of the world , shoutouts to brothas with a D cup…that picture will seriously make me shudder all day
“I would bet stacks and stacks of cash that homey in the picture gets nothing but crickets, that he could even get that far is another wonder of the world”
there’s a lid for every pot and sh*t, even if the pot has man-boobs
You say that now but tonight you’d see him in the club getting all sorts of *ss.
What I don’t completely get about men (on an emotional more than an intellectual level), compared to women:
How can so many walk away from their babies and kids?
Why are there so fewer straight men in church, choir groups, volunteer events, and important neighborhood community meetings?
Why do they too often think war rather than exhausting diplomacy is the answer, either “legit” wars or gang wars?
Why do males proportionally do worse in high school and college and are less likely to graduate either than females, when at one time this was reversed? And related: Why are their more male geniuses than females?
How can so man sit on somewhat yucky toilet seats in public restrooms without cleaning it first or covering it with toilet paper?
Why can more straight men engage in anal sex in jail (when they’re dominant), compared to straight women who wouldn’t think of it anyway anyhow you cut it?
How can they let the woman be in charge of decorating the house and not complain about some of her tastes in furniture?
How do they keep from nuts when their GF or wife has PMS?
Why is it that when they love, they love so hard… kill for love, die for love, kill themselves over love… yet once once burned, can walk away without looking back?
“How do they keep from nuts when their GF or wife has PMS?”
Battered man syndrome. Eventually a man get’s used to, and expects the abuse that he receives during the fluctuations in the hormone cycles, and becomes really grateful for the good times.
“Why do males proportionally do worse in high school and college and are less likely to graduate either than females, when at one time this was reversed?”
(imo) i think it has something to do with the reason why there aren’t as many men involved in the church as women: once we get past a certain age, conforming to all of the rules of the church and the school aren’t seen as particularly manly, and some men have difficultly navigating the “need to be a lone wolf”/”need to follow instructions so i pass this class” struggle
“How can so man sit on somewhat yucky toilet seats in public restrooms without cleaning it first or covering it with toilet paper?”
i always cover, but i understand if guys do this because if you have to go so bad that you’re willing to go in the bathroom they filmed “saw” in, you probably dont have time to cover because that sh*t is escaping your body at ludicrous speed
@The Champ
“(imo) i think it has something to do with the reason why there aren’t as many men involved in the church as women: once we get past a certain age, conforming to all of the rules of the church and the school aren’t seen as particularly manly, and some men have difficultly navigating the “need to be a lone wolf”/”need to follow instructions so i pass this class” struggle”
I agree. Even in the corporate world it seems that women conform easier than men.
Kit, it’s good to see ya around these parts.
-Emeritus
“Why are there so fewer straight men in church, choir groups, volunteer events, and important neighborhood community meetings?”
I can only answer for the church thing. The brothers I know are rather involved in the community. I have a few church issues so please remember that when you think about my answer. Grown men aren’t fond of hearing about what we need or should be doing to get ourselves “right” Many of us treat messages and sermons like this as an assault to our manhood. Whether this comes from a member of the clergy, a father, father figure, or an uncle we don’t take to this well. The advice or message may be dead on, but we are sometimes hesitant to take the advice. I have no idea where the gay-straight disconnect comes into play.
“Why do they too often think war rather than exhausting diplomacy is the answer, either “legit” wars or gang wars?”
This isn’t exactly a male trait. Most of the women in history who lead empires or nations didn’t mind destroying their enemies.
In a legit war between two states there are times when talking just won’t do. “War is merely a continuation of politics by other means.” The world is a large school yard and you can’t just walk away everytime. My brother-in-law, Puerto Rican Bob, who is an Army infantryman put it like this “There’s always someone that you have to punch in the mouth.” As for gangs, the wars are usually a result of several misguided young men sans proper male role models.
Why are there so fewer straight men in church, choir groups, volunteer events, and important neighborhood community meetings?
This is a loaded question. First, there is the implied “fewer than the women” and second, there is the “potential mates for the women there” (the ‘straight men’ part). So, if you are going to these expecting to find your mate. . . it could just be that men predominantly don’t look at those organizations as places to meet the woman they want to marry. Who wants to take an chance that you’ve given up giving head for Jesus?
Why do they too often think war rather than exhausting diplomacy is the answer, either “legit” wars or gang wars?
Sometimes war is the answer. Violence, like it or not, gets things done. If I absolutely believed I had the solution to a country or the worlds problems and I was in a position to do so, you would best believe that I would orchestrate a military takeover rather than spend the rest of my life trying to convince idiots I am right.
Why do males proportionally do worse in high school and college and are less likely to graduate either than females, when at one time this was reversed? And related: Why are their more male geniuses than females?
Well, the answer to this has all sorts of routes in statistics and sociology. How many women are encouraged and placed into the same situations academically as men (over the course of history)? How many other avenues other than academic success do men have over women while going through school or life in general. Men can do so many things and be considered a success. Women still have a much smaller arena. Who as children is encouraged to be seen and not heard? Let’s look at it this way, boys are allowed to flaunt their prizes, successes and victories. Girls are more often told that such behavior is bitchy, not ladylike.
How can so man sit on somewhat yucky toilet seats in public restrooms without cleaning it first or covering it with toilet paper?
What man have you observed doing this?
Why can more straight men engage in anal sex in jail (when they’re dominant), compared to straight women who wouldn’t think of it anyway anyhow you cut it?
Well, it is much harder for women to engage in anal sex while locked up in jail. I think it is easier to fashion a shiv than a dildo. In any case, what makes you think women aren’t engaging in homosexual activities when spending long times in jail? Because it doesn’t factor as much in the plots of the tv shows you watch? Because there is nobody scaring straight the high school girls about “you don’t want to be in a position to drop the facial cleanser”?
How can they let the woman be in charge of decorating the house and not complain about some of her tastes in furniture?
Seriously, you want me to choose between a happy woman and no sex because I wanted a almost invisibly different shade of blue for the living room?
How do they keep from nuts when their GF or wife has PMS?
See the previous response. Happy women = sex. You might respond that they may not be happy during PMS. My response – women have long memories.
Why is it that when they love, they love so hard… kill for love, die for love, kill themselves over love… yet once once burned, can walk away without looking back?
Because for many, it absolutely means something. Once you have committed yourself, it is done. The only thing that breaks that bond is a betrayal that destroys all meaning your life once had.
“Why are there so fewer straight men in church, choir groups, volunteer events, and important neighborhood community meetings?”
According to a abstract I read recently the answer lies in the fact that worship, especially the kind that is found in the Black church is overly feminine and emotional. It is marked by periods of loss of control. Things that do not appeal to the male in a patriarchal societies. If worship was a lot more staid, it stands to reason that more men would participate.
@ Dash
*Nodding in agreement.*
That and I don’t trust very many preachers. That however, is a me issue.
@Wuyoung Being a preacher is one of those jobs, like being a politician, that makes me immediately distrust anyone who seeks it.
But there’s nothing that says everyone has to worship the same way. It’s rare to see a man jumping up and down in church, but it’s not always a gay man that’s doing it, either. Personally, I watch in admiration at a man that can be honest and unrestricted in his praise. There’s courage in letting go like that.
Your last question gave me chills up my spine….
Hmmm? I cant really explain the leg thing. I guess it jus comes naturally…u kno w/ us bein the sex who has the capability of pushing a human out of us. But the leg strength would not be possible w/o the thigh strength
guess it jus comes naturally…u kno w/ us bein the sex who has the capability of pushing a human out of us
yeah. i kept forgetting that you all are walking, talking minipods as well. that explains things
Semi-monthly is twice a month
Bi-weekly is every two weeks
Bi-Monthly is every two months
that is correct!
wow. score one for the pittsburgh public school system
@The Champ
Schenley in the house lol. By the way i just found out who you are. I don’t believe we’ve ever met but we have mutual friends. But its pitt so there’s no surprise there.
“By the way i just found out who you are”
word? how?
*making mental note to check my closet and the truck of my truck for subtle stalkers*
Haha i’m just that damn good
I was looking at the VSB fan page on FB this morning and I noticed my homeboy from way back was a fan of the page. Since he played bball and uve mentioned u did as well, I thought he might know you. So I hit him and asked if he knew who champ was. He said yeah thats my good friend ________ from PH, we played ball together.
Small world! Well u know how they always say in life theres six degrees of separation. Well in Pitt there’s more like 1 degree of separation. So I always figured I had to either know you or know someone who knew you.
“Semi-monthly is twice a month”
Does the same principle apply when one says semi-annual? Twice a year? Because Vicky’s Secret aways has those sales and my sister and I can never figure out if it’s twice a year or more? I mean doesn’t semi mean “part”? Who decided it should mean “two” when it comes to semi-monthly?
*confuddled*
According to dictionary.com:
“A prefix that means “half,” (as in semicircle, half a circle) or “partly, somewhat, less than fully,” (as in semiconscious, partly conscious). ”
So I guess it can mean both half and partly. damn latins lol
LOL, yeah, I just looked it up after debating whether to wait for someone to answer it. lol Yeah, our language is a strange one. Sort of like how gas means food for cars AND that airy, stinky stuff that men pass (but women don’t, allegedly).
#1: I wear heels all day, every day (& no, I’m not a glutton for punishment)! Because I’m under 5′ tall, I believe that heels are a necessity; a nice pair of 4″ pumps will at least put me in the 5’2″ range. Add to that the fact that when I do break out my flats, I’m always accosted by some six-foot somethin’ ninja who wants to pat me on my head and tell me how tiny I am (I’ve been tempted more than once to mace some tall ninja for these comments… I’m grown!). Or how about the ninjas who think it’s okay to call me “shorty” or “lil’ mamma” as terms of endearment?! That ~ish gets old real quick!! But I digress.. so yes, it’s high heels for me all the time!
I’m always accosted by some six-foot somethin’ ninja who wants to pat me on my head and tell me how tiny I am
i thought you all liked that and sh*t. the head pat is like my 2nd best bagging technique.
I like stuff like that, but that’s because I’m an amazon and feeling short every once in a while makes me happy, lol.
co-sign, funny i love being called shorty and if the man is tall enough to pat me on the head, i’m all goo goo LOL
Haha, that would be funny, having you mace my belly button.
*pats your head*
Fine then… how about I just kick your ankles!!!
1. i personally don’t like heels …give me a flat or let me run barefoot anyday. That does not mean that I won’t throw on a bad pair every now and then. Best believe though by the end of the night i’m crying and cursing whoever invented the heel.
Long and strong…
2. I love war movies, movies with blood and gore, scary movies…basically all types. one has to be open to any kind of movie…you never know what you might enjoy.
3. The leg thing…I’ve been asking myself the same question! Like why is it I can push like 600lbs on my legs…but I can barely lift a 25lb dumbbell with my arm? Weird right? I do love my legs though
4. You know, although its been awhile, I don’t think we can help the noises…they just come out. Like I try to be quiet…but it doesn’t work…
5. Is this seriously a question. Sorry we’re not like men where we have a pipe that we can shake dry and stuff back into our pants. We go through so much toilet paper because we use it every time we go to the bathroom! We have to wipe to keep that stuff dry and smelling fresh. Would you rather we don’t wipe, save toilet paper and then get yeast infections and smell of God knows what? I mean…really?
6. Sometimes a girl just wants the guy to know her so well that he knows whats wrong. Or sometimes a girl just wants a guy to be that shoulder to lean on…her strength, her encouragement. Sometimes for me…him simply asking and recognizing that something is wrong with me shows me that he cares and pay me attention. Shoot…I’ll someone whats wrong…sometimes even if they don’t ask
7. I like who I like…not my problem if you can’t get with the right team…
8. I honestly think that men are beautiful and soo fascinating. Granted some make you wanna hurl…but then there are those that make your toes curl. And my thing is…if I bust my butt to take care of my body and to stay in shape…you can do the same!
welcome and sh*t (i think)
and, i’m sure humble one is going to have something to say about this comment:
“why is it I can push like 600lbs on my legs…but I can barely lift a 25lb dumbbell with my arm? Weird right? I do love my legs though
Long and strong”…”
“The leg thing…I’ve been asking myself the same question! Like why is it I can push like 600lbs on my legs…but I can barely lift a 25lb dumbbell with my arm? Weird right? I do love my legs though Long and strong…”
I didn’t know Serena Williams commented here.
OMG! That picture is hilarious!
It takes good balance to walk in heels and practice….practice makes perfect.
As far as movies, our choices don’t suck. Men just are narrow minded when it comes to movies choices. Be more eclectic in your movie viewing choices. Grow up. LOL.
As far as toilet paper, maybe, if men used more of it. Your draws wouldn’t be so suspect. I think you know what I mean….don’t be afraid of the toilet paper. We can get some more.
We like to root against your teams. Its just fun! LOL. We like to talk smack about your teams and get things heated up:-)P
As far as why we put up with your smelly behinds, we just love your smells, ya’ll don’t smell that bad really. Dude, in the pic might tho….lol. I just love me some Men’s…..lol.
“As far as toilet paper, maybe, if men used more of it. Your draws wouldn’t be so suspect. ”
so, there would be less gay men if we all used more toilet paper?
LOL…I didn’t wanna go too deep with it…I think its really a myth that men in general don’t wipe well. Or is it? I don’t know. I am not up on nobody’s draws..but, it seems to be an observation, or what have you, that has been passed down thru the ages…so, I just ran with that…….I don’t know why we use more toilet paper than you guys……
1. we’ve been wearing heels for years, so it’s easy.
2. I have great taste in movies, thank you sir.
3. Not really sure, but it helps to have a secret weapon during play fighting.
4. Trust me. You want us to make noise. If there’s no noise being made, you ain’t doing isht. Ain’t no O faking ’round these parts.
5. We have more parts to wipe than you do.
6. Because I love saying “nothing” and watching you squirm while you try to figure out what you did wrong.
7. I don’t do this ish.
8 . Simply put, I love vitamin D. Can’t deny it.
*where in the heyll did you get that pic of that dude. I’m so upset that you ruined my coffee…lol
“8 . Simply put, I love vitamin D. Can’t deny it.”
Are you suffering from malnutrition?
*snickering loudly*
Roddy Piper huh?
Niiiice.
He along with Cobra Commander and Megatron were my childhood heroes.
Not bad, not bad.
No love for Destro?
Zartan is better than Destro, and Zartan is only 20% as cool as CC. I never liked the guy.
sadly right now i am. must be why i have this killer nasal/respiratory infection right now. i needs my vitamin D!!!!
also i’m a premenopausal woman in my 40′s and i guess for some the libido dies but not for this woman…stronger than EVER!
(hint, hint to the younger man on here) LOL
*where in the heyll did you get that pic of that dude. I’m so upset that you ruined my coffee…lol
lol, i think i just googled fat black man and he was on the first or second page
If I had to date a woman, I’d probably off myself.
Good Morning.
Love it!!!! *waves*
I could not imagine having to deal with someone who is just as moody.
Yeah, and overly talkative, and everything else. Nah. HELL Nah, I say!
on a side note Twinny, I need your contact info or something, we MUST talk in real life because we’re too much alike not to, lol
LOL!!! Right? catch me on the gee mail Twinny.
missladee622 @
*oh yeah, that goes for anyone else too…lmao
“on a side note Twinny, I need your contact info or something, we MUST talk in real life because we’re too much alike not to, lol”
get a room. with a view. over a lake of gayness
this from the man who’s already on my gchat list.
*post president’s day edition throat punch*
As a fellow femme, I second this as my answer to #8.
I can’t deal with me and people say I am pleasant.
lucky you! i got answers. this will be long. apologies in advance.
#1:
possible answers:
-we’re freaking awesome. we’re supposed to be poised and graceful and agile and all that jazz, right? *shrug* maybe we are.
-we’re freaking desperate. heels toot the booty up & give an uber womanly sway about the hips. men look at tooted booties swaying hips. women want men to look at them. like, REALLY want men to look at them. so, maybe evolution and the sub/unconscious drive in us to make babies makes women lock their feet up in torture chambers. cause hey, if it nets a baby, it’s worth it!
i can only speculate on this one because i happen to have amazing taste in movies. i go for the ones that promise the highest # of explosions/body count. i HATE chick flicks, with all my heart. so the only answer that i could give here is a very stereotypical one, which i’ll refrain from doing in case my feminism is watching. u know what i’m talkin bout tho.
as far as the preference for walrus d*ck. we’ve all been conditioned to think that bigger is better. i can only assume that walrus peen is pretty sizeable. i mean walruses (walrusii?) are pretty big. so if you’re gonna go, go all the way in? i guess?
#3
balancing boobs demands a strong lower body! even if they’re not that big, there are essentially two bags of whatever hangin around your neck. gotta compensate somehow. and heels help work all that out too, and thanks to our awesomeness/desperation, we be puttin on some rec*ckulous shoes. i can attest to this. i’m not a large girl. i don’t work out like i should. i have 0 upper body strength and if u high-five me a little too ambitiously you’d snap my arm in 3 places. but im pretty sure i could kick your spleen clean across the room if i had to.
#4
possible answers:
-because the male ego is as fragile as a newborn baby’s skull. OMG. “who’s is it? who’s the man? say my name!” how you gon ask us all that ridiculousness and be confused when we answer??! we (often) do this for YALL. it’s yours, daddy. you the best. omg i would love to be quiet right now but your magical wenis is overriding my self control. oh oh oh yes yes yes etc etc etc YOU’RE WELCOME.
-because men watch too much porn. as such, a lot of yall think that your bedroom activity should go down exactly as it does in Big Black Wet @sses 3. porn broads make lots of noise. ergo..
-beacuse women watch too much porn. as such, maybe some of us think that it’s what men want. ergo…
-because moaning/yelling/screaming releases endorphins. i think i read this somewhere once. and depending on what a woman is working with, she may need to squeeze out every bit of endorphin juice she can to make the experience pleasurable.
#5
…im struggling to censor myself right now because i can be Queen TMI sometimes, and i don’t want to drive anybody away. but OMG. women shit. women shit like grown men. like entire football teams, even. i have lived with women my entire life and can attest to this very thing.
true story right now: i have a 17 year old niece who has been STRICTLY FORBIDDEN to poop inside my house because she clogs up the toilet. and not with toilet paper. …yeah. this is a little girl i’m talkin bout here. oh, and don’t get me started on period poops. you don’t want to know.
anyway, women poop, we just do it and hide the evidence like hoffa’s body. hence all the toilet paper use, maybe.
plus women use TP for lots of things, including disposal of womenly items.
and some people eat toilet paper. not me. don’t ask.
#6.
i think a lot of women want u to prove that you care for them and are truly concerned about what’s going on with them. i think that maybe they also want to see (i’m speaking in very general terms here, of course) that you can sense that something is wrong, which is dumb, because of the two, women are far more sensory than men. so what they want is this:
man: hey baby, what’s wrong?
woman: oh, nothing. *SIIIIGH*
man: are you sure? you seem forlorn today, darling. you usually have a slight smile that dangles in the corners of your mouth, but today the left side is drooping just a bit. i know this, because you are my woman and i pay attention to you and have memorized your nuances.
woman: no really, i’m fine. *SIIIIIIIIIIGH*
man: SWEETHEART! I CANNOT LIVE IF YOU ARE NOT AT EASE!
but what we/they get is:
man: what’s wrong?
woman: nothing.
man: cool. *playstation*
then we get mad. i know, it doesn’t make much sense. i don’t think i do this. i will readily admit to being passive aggressive though, so i can kinda see why/how it happens.
i LOVE the idea of code words/phrases though. not because i want to make anybody’s life easier, but because ive always wanted to be a secret agent. if i had to pick out a phrase right now, it would be somethin cool like: “the DMX bomb drops at dawn.” gangsta.
#7
i can’t speak for everybody, but when it comes to some sports, namely football, i don’t care enough to make a logical choice, but i don’t want to be some spineless sheep who will root for a team just because her man does. so in the NFL, know who my favorite team is? the Dolphins. know why? because i like the color of their uniforms. also, dolphins are pretty smart, so maybe that means that the team would make some smart decisions on the field. with this as my logic, i stand a pretty good chance at accidentally picking the team my dude hates most. but whatever, u shoulda listened to me when i told u i dont like football in the first f*cking place & left me alone about it.
#8
this, my friend, is where you are both wrong and stupid. men. are. GORGEOUS. men are gorgeous and delicious and not ALL of you smell like neanderthals. SOME OF YALL DO. but im inclined to believe that those amongst you who are well kept and put together can see why women would be all up on it. now if you can’t…. maybe that says something about you? *cough* (…still speaking generally here, btw!)
aint nobody sleepin next to that dude, though, but Colonel Sanders via the artwork on the side of his family sized-bucket. you know what though, i’m wrong. there’s somebody for everybody. maybe his somebody also looks like she makes her own gravy.
” i have a 17 year old niece who has been STRICTLY FORBIDDEN to poop inside my house because she clogs up the toilet. and not with toilet paper.”
CTFU
omg. the night she was forbidden to #2 under our roof, she had us running to the store at TWO A.M. for a plunger because her mother had to borrow ours the LAST time she blew up a toilet. i dont understand it!!!!
“i can only assume that walrus peen is pretty sizeable. i mean walruses (walrusii?) are pretty big.”
i think they’re the biggest out of all the land mammals. don’t ask how i know this is true.
but yeah, good explanations and sh*t, brokey.
btw, if i had a dollar for everytime i said this…
“this will be long. apologies in advance.”
…i’d, well, nevermind.
awesome explainations…LMAO
I died about 50-lem times while reading your comment, Brokey. (especially the period poops and the “nothing” exchanges) Though, I’m not surprised. Your foolery can reach royal levels.
Oh and this:
“balancing boobs demands a strong lower body! even if they’re not that big, there are essentially two bags of whatever hangin around your neck.”
So, that pic of Champ in number 8 means he has some strong a*s legs, no?
either that, or he just lives too close to an Old Country Buffet. lol
This was freakin hilarious!! (and soooooo true lol)
@Brokey McPoverty,
“because moaning/yelling/screaming releases endorphins. i think i read this somewhere once. and depending on what a woman is working with, she may need to squeeze out every bit of endorphin juice she can to make the experience pleasurable.”
Winner!! You can witness this same occurrence during self-pleasure just in case anyone needed any tips on how to get “there” faster.
Sh*t i still don’t get about women.
1) Why is it that when your boyfriend tells you something that’s real you don’t listen. But if some dude off the street, Steve Harvey, or some random chic tells you the same thing it’s word bond.
2) How can women lay in the same position on top of you for hours and not move while watching a movie or tv.
3) Why can’t women separate themselves from their cell phone? Also how do they text so fast?
4) Why don’t some women understand that if you want a man to “provide” or play a traditional role it comes at a price? Your grandfather may have supported the whole family with his factory job but he was doing his dirt also.
5) Why are women so damn cheap?
I’ve wondered 1 and 2 many a time homie.lol.
#1-I have gotten better with this. I think it has something to do with people thinking since this person has a wide following, they must know better.
#2-Its comfy!!!
#3-Guilty…might reduce cell phone usage for lent or something.
#4-I don’t agree with this
#5-Do you mean why are “some” women cheap? beats me, there are tons of reasons. You can say they act that way because they think that’s the only way to get a man’s attention, they don’t know any better…I have no clue. On the other hand, why do some men fall for and reproduce with same woman knowing fully well they won’t stay around or make something permanent with her (thankfully some stay in the child’s life)?
2) How can women lay in the same position on top of you for hours and not move while watching a movie or tv.
i think they use toilet paper to pad their limbs so that they’ll be more comfortable
@ #1 . . Its all about the poll . . the more ppl who say it the more we believe. Also we know you a lil too well, so since we’ve seen your not so intelligent moments we doubt you from time to time.
On the real though I often ask for options just to hear the opposing argument. Often it does not change my feelings on the matter and I actually have gotten to a point where I stopped asking for advice.
However, men need to understand somtimes thatwe just want you to listen and hear us. We don’t need or want you to fix it, we just want you to understand what we are going through.
4: Just pisses me off to no extent . . cuz you provide for me you get an open pass to phuck whoever you want? Naw partner. But in regards to other stuff yeah if you providing Im cooking, cleaning, whatever will round out the fam. Free p*ssy pass is a no though.
5: You messing w the wrong chicks. . . I’ve been deemed the “golden touch” because everything I see and like is the most expensive around typically.
@Humble_One,
1) This is not true. We in fact always listen.
2) We find a comfortable position. Sometimes, if its YOUR fave position, we’ll just tolerate being uncomfortable to please you. Trust, all of that laying positions arent comfy.
3) LMAO! Both sexes have this problem hun.
4) Now this is bullshit. **shrugs** Which price? Cheating? Don’t rationalize the bullshit by saying you bring home bacon. Just say you like to fuck multiple people regardless. Because if that ass goes broke, you’re still going to want to fuck other females… they just wont want to fuck you. #letsbehonest.
5) Answer: We’re not. We just want to see if YOU ARE.
Responses
2 Taste in movies.Coming from a man that thought “Joe Dirt” was a great movie the films that my girlfriend, coworkers, and female fam watch puzzles me… LMN, Oxygen, most Tyler Perry films, I don’t get it.
3 Co-sign on the Ovarian Leg Lock. It’s like women secretly study with Judo masters from the age of four. This hold can’t be broken.
5 The toilet paper question. They smuggle it out of your apartment/house/congual visit trailer and sell it out of a shopping cart like Bubbles. Just like the secret Judo lessons, there is a secret market for toilet paper that only women know about.
6 “What’s Wrong?” You can’t win when this question is asked. It is assumed by women that we are dumb and yet we’re supposed to be able to read minds.
7 Sports teams. I date a Miami Hurricanes fan. This is almost as bad as dating a Republican.
I only have one question of my own: This goes back to the “What’s wrong?” query. Are women incapable of answering this question before midnight?
I asked you what was wrong at 9:45, Why the hell are we talking about it at 2:36 am? This conversation is always prefaced by “Are you asleep?” What kind of psychological warfare s&^% is that?
“I only have one question of my own: This goes back to the “What’s wrong?” query. Are women incapable of answering this question before midnight?
I asked you what was wrong at 9:45, Why the hell are we talking about it at 2:36 am? This conversation is always prefaced by “Are you asleep?” What kind of psychological warfare s&^% is that?”
LMAO @ psychological warfare
“I asked you what was wrong at 9:45, Why the hell are we talking about it at 2:36 am? This conversation is always prefaced by “Are you asleep?” What kind of psychological warfare s&^% is that?”
LOL, its because now that you’re half conscious, you’ll be most likely to go along with whatever we say.
“its because now that you’re half conscious, you’ll be most likely to go along with whatever we say.”
That’s some third-world insurgency type-s$%^ right there. I’m glad they don’t let women join Al-Qaeda!
oh but they let us join israel’s mossad, which i heard is NOT camp cupcake.
Lol! As sexy as my gf being able to do some James Bond ninja s$*% sounds I’ll pass. If the chicks who join Mossad are like Ziva from NCIS they should really change their recruiting policies. That chick is daffy!
“I date a Miami Hurricanes fan. This is almost as bad as dating a Republican.”
oh wow. i feel for you, man
@ Wuyoung Agent of M.E….
#7 Sports teams. I date a Miami Hurricanes fan. This is almost as bad as dating a Republican.
I’m from Miami…and I hate the Hurricanes…You can’t live there and NOT be a Hurricane fan…and you def can’t live there and be a FSU fan (me)….good luck compadre’
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.
I’m dying over here! That was like funny and shyt!
LLS!
1. didn’t know we could contort did ya?
2. My movies tastes are excellent, for me it starts and ends with how vicious the story is, its ALL about the story, everything else is secondary, cineamtography, score, special effects, costumes, etc etc all these things enhance the already vicious story!
3. “SONYA” in mortal combat voice LOL
4. I’m more of moaner as opposed to a screamer, but its a genuine response form me always, no put ons here. no need LOL
5. My body is well trained LOL
6. Sometimes you need time to form your thoughts without all the emotion or you need a moment to cool down etc or you ain’t in the mood to talk right then or all of the above..timing is everything in communication also.when you feel like stabbing a mofo with a fork that ain’t the time to talk LOL
7. LOL a lil competiveness not always agreeing liking the same things keep things interesting, spicy LOL
8. O_O..oh my@ that pic young LOL. but that aside, nothing like the look smell feel sound taste of the right man, so appealing to the senses, mmmmmmm. The Lord designed women to be tantalizing visually for men, more to look at etc
7. LOL a lil competiveness not always agreeing liking the same things keep things interesting, spicy LOL
spice deez
#1-Looking at those things make me giddy. Its worth the pain!!!
#2-Tehehe, I wonder but that does not stop me from loving Casablanca, The notebook, 27 dresses (yaaaay)
#3-Walking in those heels, spinning class, dancing, squatting, we need them for child birth and rearing.
#4-I’m very soft spoken, can’t raise my voice if I really wanted to but I’m sure noise in this aspect would equal “I’m enjoying this”
#5-Lol @ the thought that we never tear up the toilet. We use it twice as much as you do.
#6-I tell from time to time but sometimes I don’t know why I am mad or my reason for being angry is so stupid…and I know it.
#7-Its just fun to irk my man like that. I love watching games with him for the sole purpose of cheering on another team.
#8-I love my mother, my aunts, female mentors, my sisters, my girlfriends, and myself but I would not date one of them if I was given the chance (or paid heavily to). Women are just too much for me lol. I respect my man for putting up with my slightly crazy behind.
“#2-Tehehe, I wonder but that does not stop me from loving Casablanca, The notebook, 27 dresses (yaaaay)”
oh God. this comment just gave me serious “netflix night with my girl” flashbacks. if it wasn’t for katherine heigl’s boobs, i would have gone into a coma watching that
welcome and sh*t, btw
Her “girls” are pretty.
I keep meeting women who will tell me that they love how smart I am. Then, one day she’ll ask for my advice on something, I’ll share my thoughts, then she’ll do the opposite. Two months later, she’ll tell me how she should have listened, then start the process all over again. I don’t get it. If you truly believe that I’m so smart, why don’t you listen? I’m not smart enough to understand this phenomenon.
“If you truly believe that I’m so smart, why don’t you listen?”
early nominee for question of the day
I’ll just run throught these answers for you since you seem to like directness. Because I know how to put on shoes, unlike guys who don’t want to untie anything. You guys like to stick your foot in it and go. Because I am getting you back for all those stupid movies that you have tricked me into seeing. For the most part though I am an action, comedy sci-fi chick, so men have no probs with me. Because we know what works for ya! Because if you were a female you’d be making noises too, if you knew what was going on “vajayjay land”. Because we clean the toilet where you missed, clean the sink where you shaved and clean the floor where you dropped toothpaste. Because we want to know if you care enough to pry it out of us, lol. I am direct and will yes the first time around. Because we know it drives you crazy. I actualy like sports and don’t just cheer cause the guy is cute, that his arms are killer or that uniform looks tight on his —. Oops may bad *sucks back spit*. I cheer for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Because we love you and evidentally you have done something that we love and we want to be with you. I hope that answers you questions, so you no longer have to wonder.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/
thanks for your directness, tiffany. welcome and sh*t, btw
The Cavs are taking the ‘Ship this Year! Go Cavs.
dont jinx them
I loove wearing hearing heels, I am 5’2 and my whole shoe collections is heels, boots, maybe some flats, and 1 pair of tennis shoes for when I work out. I think if you know how to walk in heels correctly, and wear the correct size you shouldn’t have any problems wearing them.
Also, when I am asked what is wrong? I am guilty of saying NOTHING but really here are 1 or 2 things that stop me in my tracks: 1. There is something wrong and I am tired of repeating myself because the problem keeps persisting so I just say nothing because I am too irritated to talk about it , and you will give me the same lame excuse or it could be #2 I don’t like the tone of your voice when you are asking me what is wrong? To fix #2 I think you should say Is there something wrong that you would like to talk about? And if she says NO! Then I think you should say well if you feel like talking about whatever is bothering you, I am here to listen if you need me.
I am pretty sure with #2 you will get an answer and the panties may drop with you being so sincere and caring.
“To fix #2 I think you should say Is there something wrong that you would like to talk about? And if she says NO! Then I think you should say well if you feel like talking about whatever is bothering you, I am here to listen if you need me”
this is gay, but, admittedly this seems to work.
This post cracked me up!!!
1. Most of the time we wear heels for you all! I love high heels but prefer comfy shoes. Yet I stay in high heels…hmmmm.
2. I think that most women are in love with “being in love” so we do tend to like romantic comedies and such. These movies are dangerous because what you have at home doesnt compare to that on screen romance LOL.
3. SEE #1. We wear high heels which build up muscles LOL.
4. The feeling is different. The “poker” gets one sensation. The “pokee” gets another sensation. Just be glad that she is making noise. If she goes quiet then you need to look at what you are doing wrong.
5. We have more business to take care of when we go. More areas to clean, etc. Amount used, brand, type, color…all that matters to us.
6. There is no answer to “what’s wrong”. We dont even REALLY know what’s wrong but we wanted to make sure that you recognize that SOMETHING is wrong. Just acknowledge that SOMETHING is wrong, tell her she is pretty & walk away. If you keep trying to find an answer she will create something.
7. I actually do love some sports & have knowledge of players etc. but there are teams that I love because I am attracted to players on the team or like their uniform colors LOL.
8. Being a lesbian doesnt appeal to a lot of us. (not that there’s anything wrong with that *Seinfeld*) I have lady parts & know how they work so I am not interested in other lady parts. You all have something we dont have & that’s the appeal. Not to mention that women are too emotional & crazy. I need male balance. That WTF look yall give sometimes seems to correct hormonal imbalances.
this…
“”7. I actually do love some sports & have knowledge of players etc.”
…is completely nullified by this…
“but there are teams that I love because I am attracted to players on the team or like their uniform colors LOL”
a visual of #3 in action…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSXmKFDGIu4&feature=player_embedded
oh my! i think i just went through puberty again watching that
Thats was strangely erotic. Her thighs were magnifique!
1. I’m actually not a freakishly-high-heel wearer (in fact I’m kinda made at store for going the stripper-heel route with cute shoes…I will bust my a*s promptly, please believe), but I think the pain is worth it because heels are chexy. Any woman automatically gets 10 extra chexy points in heels. Except if you’re Wendy Williams who claims to be a woman but Lord AND Nostradamus knows she is not.
2. You need more women. My taste in movies is the bomb, merci beaucoup.
3. Babies. Or more specifically, hypothetical babies. Women are notoriously stronger on the lower part of their body than the upper half. They say it’s for baby carrying support.
4. Ya’ll say we talk too dayum much, so badda bing. We’re just louder when it comes to everything, I guess?
5. If it helps you sleep at night, keep believing chicks can’t drop deuces like deuces trump in a game of Spades.
6. I never understood this myself. Because I’d get more annoyed if the question was asked over and over again, so I might as well answer it the first time.
7. I know nothing about this. Though, I do find that happens with Kobe. The dudes usually hate him while a lot of girls love him. (Personally, I’m just indifferent when it comes to him)
8. WHAT IN THE GLORIOUS F*CK IS THAT STRANGE CREATURE? I can’t even answer the question anymore, that was so trife. Pass.
5. If it helps you sleep at night, keep believing chicks can’t drop deuces like deuces trump in a game of Spades
trust me, i know that you all are queen shitters. still, that doesnt explain why you use so much more paper than we do
“that doesnt explain why you use so much more paper than we do”
We’re cleaner. You said ya’ll men are smelly, so…case closed.
“WHAT IN THE GLORIOUS F*CK IS THAT STRANGE CREATURE? I can’t even answer the question anymore, that was so trife. Pass.”
Didn’t you date him at one time?
“Didn’t you date him at one time?”
No, I’ve never dated Champ.
Rare Form. Champion Styles. Welcome. Rare Form will be with you when he’s with you.
stay away from the zoloft
Like Prince listening to D’Angelos “Unritled” for the 1st time. Imagine could you let the mud settle, let the waters of your mind be still and God could see his reflection. Carry on.
o_O
This is too confusing for a Friday. This is more like a Monday comment.
GK is that you?
1. It’s an innate thing.
2. i have no idea of these things you speak of. i’ll watch anythign except horror including your crappy action flick.
3. proven fact that we have stronger lower bodies (for them babies we gotta push out) than men. jealous much?
4. i was going to BS you on this but the truth is, if I’m enjoying myself, I tend to make less noise. If I’m trying not to hurt your feelings, I pump up the volume.
5. we have to wipe after #1 and we’re thorough. and makeup application takes up paper too.
6. a. im not ready to talk and will [usually] say so
b. i haven’t found a way to say what i want tactfully and with one curse one per sentence minimum. until i arrive at this state of zen where i am not visualizing myself in prison orange, i won’t say a word to you.
c. i think it’s something i can get over without a “talk.” so i quietly brood until i recover and bounce back.
d. i have decided at that instant to leave you the next day and don’t want to give you a chance to change my mind or ruin the element of surprise.
e. i am literally too hurt to put into words how i feel.
- repeatedly asking us whats wrong shows you care and showing you care means you actually want to hear whats wrong. think of it as how men like to be babied when they’re sick. we like to be babied when we’re angry.
- every woman is different so i can’t help with alternate phrases to draw her out.
7. im only a sports fan during the SuperBowl and the Olympics so i root for whoever you’re rooting for. or the underdog. whatevs.
8. Hardwiring. Take that up with God and sh*t.
thank you for your insight, lulu.
no snappy comeback?
*amazed*
amaze deez
better?
sigh. i did have that coming.
1. a bit of contortion is involved … women are capable of some amazing things…just be glad
2. I ask the same question about mens taste in movies…once you’ve seen one explosion you’ve seen them all
3. I think this was covered upthread (something to do with heels and squatting in public restrooms)…I’m 5′ tall 105 lbs and men are always amazed at my ability to bring them to submission with my thighs
4. sometimes it’s involuntary….and sometimes its to reassure the guy that he’s doing his thing…you know some of y’all need the extra encouragement
5. just be happy that we care enough to clean
6. I don’t know….maybe if y’all watched and paid attention during those “crappy” chick flicks you’d figure it out
7. gotta do something to make sports interesting…also I can’t always help it that the guy with the sexiest body happens to be on the team that irritates my guy
8. when I’m baffled at the stupid crap I’ve put up with from men I often ask myself that question then I remember that most women are batsh*t crazy and I just could not deal with that crap on a daily basis
“just be happy that we care enough to clean”
Are you implying some of you don’t clean?
@ Humble One
Sadly, growing up you “heard” (eavesdropping) of the ones who were nasty or considered “not clean” down “dere”.
And after working for and ob/gyn a while back for sometime, it was amazing how some womenfolk allowed certain feminine issues to worsen before seeking medical attention – married and unwed. Didn’t matter.
“I’m 5? tall 105 lbs and men are always amazed at my ability to bring them to submission with my thighs”
***just wanted to let everyone know that the bidding for klysha’s email address will start at 4pm est***
ummmm bid deez….(whatever the female equivalent of deez is) wait scratch that!
wait a minute upon reading that last comment…..scratch that!
“ummmm bid deez….(whatever the female equivalent of deez is) wait scratch that!”
It’s cool to solicit on VSB now? This recession is really bad.
see I was trying to unsolicit myself…but in doing so I think I made it worse and ….. awe screw it…it’s a recession
“when I’m baffled at the stupid crap I’ve put up with from men I often ask myself that question then I remember that most women are batsh*t crazy and I just could not deal with that crap on a daily basis”
This needs to be shouted from the highest mountaintops…and echoed in the lowest valleys….for all womenkind to hear and receive…
Are legs are strong because we wear heels… I’m not even going to try to touch on any of the other ones cuz you crazy champ! lol
“I’m not even going to try to touch on any of the other ones cuz you crazy champ!”
thats what she said
Why does that dude with the dreads remind me of Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs?
Because Pizza the Hut is what that guy looks like on a good day.
We on the same page folk, cuz I thought he favored a Rasta Jabba the Hutt myself….
I know we women wear heels cause men like them… and as far as making a lot of noise, women have more nerve endings down there, so they feel more sensation… and feel it multiple times lol
“women have more nerve endings down there, so they feel more sensation… ”
i guess this explains why you all have so many different types of panties. freaks
welcome and sh*t, btw
On #3, seriously, men are surprised by this? I’m not. Anytime I’m between a woman’s thighs, my attention immediately is focused on other things.
Just like driving where you steer to the location your eyes are focused upon, so with other things where your body responds to the mood your mind is upon.
“Anytime I’m between a woman’s thighs, my attention immediately is focused on other things.”
chicken?
The reason we have such strong leg is due to the fact that 6 inch heels will indeed tone your calves! i rock 5-6 inches 4 out of my five day work week. i agree with number two,most women have sucky taste when it comes to picking movies. I’m a mobster movie girl myself
The reason we have such strong leg is due to the fact that 6 inch heels will indeed tone your calves!
thing is, this doesnt explain things, cause even the non-heel rockers among you have thighs stronger than shaq’s breath.
i’ve been wondering where do y’all WORK? I see chicks dressed like they’re headed to the club in shoes that are clearly wrong for the normal office (as least one where your job doesn’t include gyrating for tips!) i mean, i worked in a creative field and heels that that would have still been regarded as improper…so please do tell on what job can you wear 6′ heels?
Not reading through all the comments, so someone may have answered these already:
#4 – we’re more expressive than you guys in every other area, so this should be a no-brainer.
#5 – we do drop the kids off at the pool, more than you guys – it’s just not a major 2-hour event like men. Plus mine smell like blueberry muffins so half the time folks don’t even know I’ve made a solid deposit
Plus mine smell like blueberry muffins so half the time folks don’t even know I’ve made a solid deposit
your shit needs more people
“Plus mine smell like blueberry muffins so half the time folks don’t even know I’ve made a solid deposit ”
DEAD!
As for heel, pumps and/or boots – I have to be in the mood and/or special occasion, particular outfit and combined with consideration for the weather, to really consider “ tolerating” the attention that comes with that extra glide in my stroll or added umph in the sway of my hips. As a young child, I was often taunted/teased with “how I walked” …and yet folks still love to make mention of my natural stride even when simply wearing a pair of sneakers. I love feeling sexier as much as the next person – but I like being comfortable too.
I’ve noticed a few ladies trying to play that isht off as if their dogs ain’t barkin after wearing those damn things all day long…looking like a broke down stallion ain’t cute or sexy…cuz the bruthas know whats up too. LOL
That said, boots of any kind encasing female ankles, calves or maybe stretching right up to the – thighs gives off a nice effect for both parties- she loves the way they feel on her feet/compliments her “sexy” and he likes way she moves in them…even if they do hurt after awhile. Yall know yall like it!
Don’t question us. lol
And as for the strength of our legs and thighs, like a few others have stated I believe there to be some truth to that, but I also think sex contributes to that as well….well vigorous sex. I mean really, have you ever noticed how a woman’s physique is somewhat enhanced afterwards (overtime)….her azz gets tighter, her hips a little more shapely, “the gap” and thighs like POW from squatting, riding and balancing herself in various positions.
And for those who don’t know: when a woman is giving birth, her legs and thighs are usually pushed up to her ears…no really…azz & na-na wide open, practically in the air and check this: in order to push out baby, she has to push from her abdomen, like she’s ishtt’n…cuz that’s how it feels.
On bringin’ da noise: Bottom line women are/can be extremely vocal when it comes to their emotions… And yall gotstah know, that yall literally.. be fuh’ggin with our emotions. Pun intended.
“And as for the strength of our legs and thighs, like a few others have stated I believe there to be some truth to that, but I also think sex contributes to that as well….well vigorous sex. I mean really, have you ever noticed how a woman’s physique is somewhat enhanced afterwards (overtime)….her azz gets tighter, her hips a little more shapely, “the gap” and thighs like POW from squatting, riding and balancing herself in various positions.”
lol, every man in america should print this and pass it out to women in front of ballys and l.a. fitness with the title “if you f*ck me you can cancel your membership fee”
welcome and sh*t, btw
@ Champ (Burger) – Well thank ya & isht…been reading you all for a minute and you folks are truly hilarious.
“if you f*ck me you can cancel your membership fee” <— this kinda reminded me of I believe it was Angels in the Outfield w/ Kevin Costner …."if you make, it they will come"….but more along the lines of "if you fugg me, 'they'll' be stronger." LoL. But really, I'm sure you all know one can burn some serious calories with one or two vigorous sessions a week…and w/o a membership fee. hahahaaa
But for some…that would depend on how one defines the word "fee"…
“Angels in the Outfield”
You mean Field of Dreams right?
*giggling”
@ Miss T-Lee
LMAO. Awww heyal, yall know what I meant! LOLOL!
1. Heels make women feel empowered and sexy. Never mind that some heels are a recipe for a broken ankle.
2. Women like what we like. Movies are an escapism from the reality of the cold cold world where we are expected to be all things to everybody. So if that means we’re having dumb fun in a romantic comedy…well deal.
3. Those thighs can crack walnuts cause they’re hired wired just in case we ever use our uterus. If you’ve ever been in a room of an actual childbirth then you’d know…
4. On to the next..
5. No true for all women. Some men wrap a Jackie Robinson baseball mitt around their hands before they get to wiping..
What I can’t stand is sand-paper a** dollar store toilet paper.
6. This is a classic Venus/Mars issue. For the most part men can express anger and no one will question them. For women we’ve been conditioned to be ladylike, quiet and pretty. Otherwise we’re labeled a four legged dog. Especially sisters. As as result we often let our anger simmer. So by the time we ask “what’s wrong?”:
A. We’re letting it marinate to be sure of our anger.
B. We’re waiting for the most opportune time to let you have it.
C. By the time we’re ready to blast you we’re usually mad about more than one thing cause we’re used to holding out on expressing our outrage. And to be honest (its a secret) it usually has something to do with your inability to provide, protect, or the resentful and realized fact that you simply aren’t our hero. That you aren’t what we thought you were: a king, ambitious, driven or someone to be respected.
D. Yes we hate you when you don’t know what’s wrong and confirms our beliefs that men can sometimes be woefully self-unaware.
7. On to the next…
Disclaimer: Gross generalizations need not apply.
7. No comment.
“B. We’re waiting for the most opportune time to let you have it.”
Yes, and that time is probably going to be around 2:36 am.
Nope. 3:22am
I want you to be good and sleep before I wake you up to have a deep convo.
*giggling*
“And to be honest (its a secret) it usually has something to do with your inability to provide, protect, or the resentful and realized fact that you simply aren’t our hero. That you aren’t what we thought you were: a king, ambitious, driven or someone to be respected”
oh gosh
“And to be honest (its a secret) it usually has something to do with your inability to provide, protect, or the resentful and realized fact that you simply aren’t our hero. That you aren’t what we thought you were: a king, ambitious, driven or someone to be respected”
Yikes, I need to explore my anger more lol…this is why my reasons for anger are so silly (considering that I had a fight with him and mid way through the argument I couldn’t remember what happened and why we were arguing…I have tried my best to stay angry with folks and it doesn’t work). Anyways, I realize quickly that people are imperfect and we all have shortcomings.
” I’m a mobster movie girl myself”
@ SavinIT4hIM
So am I. Action, thriller, mystery….but horror movies that are too over the top – fuggetaboutit. I become a little paranoid with my surroundings for about a week. LoL
Uhhhh….Champ, I’m new in deez parts. Why the moderation?….did I say something wrong?
Oh darn.
And yes we like Kobe cause arrogance aside he’s the most wanting to win, won’t accept anything less than winning, winning-est winner, don’t talk about winning, live winning, winning is in his DNA athlete that we’ve seen (besides Jordan) that we’ve ever seen. Dude is coming for what’s his with a cape on and it makes a lot of men uncomfortable.
Kinda like Obama (without the smug arrogance)… It raises a sometime unreasonable bar for men.
And yes we like Kobe cause arrogance aside he’s the most wanting to win, won’t accept anything less than winning, winning-est winner, don’t talk about winning, live winning, winning is in his DNA athlete that we’ve seen (besides Jordan) that we’ve ever seen.
except for when he’s not on the best team in the league. then, winning, making the playoffs, not raping people, not bitching about his teammates, and not quitting in playoff games (as he showed from 2004-2007) becomes optional.
but yeah. other than that, though, he’s definitely a winner
“And yes we like Kobe cause arrogance aside he’s the most wanting to win, won’t accept anything less than winning, winning-est winner, don’t talk about winning, live winning, winning is in his DNA athlete that we’ve seen (besides Jordan) that we’ve ever seen. Dude is coming for what’s his with a cape on and it makes a lot of men uncomfortable.”
This statement works for me when I assume you meant “whine” and not “win”.
uh uh you like Kobe, LOL that would Jordan, King No higher for moi’!!!
More nooks and crannies, a scheduled monthly visit of the red tide and any other feminine idiosyncracies means an abundant supply of Cottonelle. We’re never without it, means you won’t be either. Running out of toilet tissha, I cannot even fathom. It’s irritating enough when after when done the do, we THEN realize the person before us did not replenish the roll in the bathroom, especially when there’s a whole 24-count pack in the closet. Panties and drawhz for shackles around your ankles…though funny, ain’t cute either. But understandably, isht happens. Lol.
Look, stop worrying about how much we ladies use, as long as there’s plenty left for your a** … I mean, you.
when done the do???? should read “after we’ve done the do”
seeing as though every other woman already pretty much answered your questions… i will just say that this post was pure hilarity and made me laugh out loud. esp at a man convulsing for 4 minutes and crying.. (which CAN and does happen if he comes into contact with the right voon doon. lol.
“esp at a man convulsing for 4 minutes and crying.”
LMAO
It really is the funniest ish ever.
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this is a good post…funny as hell! don’t normally comment, just usually read (voyeuristic tendencies i guess
)…anyhow, i had to comment on #4
4. (generally speaking, again) why do you make so much more noise than we do during sex?…
answer: our “tip” has over 8000 nerve endings (thank u God!!!), more than anywhere else in the human body. so if y’all are doin’ the biz, then we can’t help but make noise. now, if she’s makin’ excessive amounts of noise (& trust, there is a such thing. although i know it may be hard for y’all men to discern), you should suspect that she’s just put on a show…unfortunately, baby, you’ve only touched fewer than 100 of the 8000+ nerves. jmo
“you all hardly ever take shits, so how do you all manage to go through so much toilet paper…”
because we wipe even when we pee…
duh.
1. Beauty is pain. Heels make you walk like you takin’ (Copyright: Plies) and men like that. But men need to man up about them damn
Tims. 0.3inch “heels” are nothing to complain about. I had more of an incline in my damn baby shoes.
2. Because men are automatically Roger Ebert based on… what? It’s no better to like a movie because of AKs and TnA (*side-eye at the Belly films*) than for a she-marries-the-guy-she-hated-at-the-beginning-of-the-movie ending.
3. I’ll counter your question with one of my own: When we are “wrestling,” (which is basically foreplay for the not-so-platonic friend) why on Earth would you be really trying to win? Isn’t the point for us to do the Anaconda Squeeze so you remember the Anaconda Squeeze you REALLY like?
4. A woman who says nothing during chex is a damn crazy ho. Plain and simple. Can you imagine some chick taking pipe like a deaf-mute, just looking at you with some Runaway Bride eyes?
5. Because when your underwear is literally IN YOUR DAMN A$$ you make sure that mug is clean or you’ll be spending a fortune on panties. 5/$25 my a$$.
6. You don’t listen to the answer when we tell you immediately. You gotta realize the full extent of our irritation with you (read: no good-good) before you actually shut your lips and learn something.
7. We don’t. But God help us if there is ONE CUTE MAN on a damn sports team we like. I never got so much heat as I did when I cheered for the Saints to win the Super Bowl
even if I would do things to Reginald Bush II that are illegal in many states in the South.8. I’d only need one menstrual cycle to quit a chick. I’m sorry, take your sore-titty-having, crying-every-five-seconds, emotional mess elsewhere.
ESSENTIAL QUESTION FOR MEN:
I have YET to meet a man who can request “knowledge” properly. Do ANY of you know how to ask right? I am not a woman who NEEDS a mood, but pushing me by my shoulders down to your
And you know the saddest part of it (I’m ranting now)? I was usually in the mood to surprise them with some oral support before they decided to jump the gun and sh*t and make me all crotchety and desertified in the Vickies.
Just sayin…
“Can you imagine some chick taking pipe like a deaf-mute?” That ain’t sexx-aay.
Just picturing that scenario along with “the (non) vocalist” giving dude the blank stare, while he’s doing it missionary, heavy breathing and occasional grunting along with his disfigured face???…naw, that doesn’t sound right at all. Where’s the pleasure in that?
The deep and heavy panting, subtle whispers in your ear and occasional “Ooooo babies” and some swearing all serve as confirmation that we’re BOTH doing something right.
Straight up, I have the potential to be a vocalist. Now, I’m in no way trying to wake the dead, but for both of our “sakes” , you need to hear me.
‘Cause if you leave it up to me, I’ll say damn the crickets, like Jodeci —> “I wanna hear you moan….”
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Substitute Darren Sharper in #7 and I’m right there with you…sorry I just can’t go behind a Kardashian, Reggie’s fineness be damned. Still trying to find out the nane of the beatiful chocolate loc’ed brother who plays for the Patriots so I can begin to stalk him before the next football season starts…
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“Straight up, I have the potential to be a vocalist. Now, I’m in no way trying to wake the dead, but for both of our “sakes” , you need to hear me.”
COSIGN. If I’m not responding to what you’re doing, best believe I’m thinking about lions, tigers, bears.. Anything but the weak-a** pumpington that is currently being administered.
ESSENTIAL QUESTION NUMBER 2: Why are men so damn QUIET? I know the honey pot speaks for itself, but I like to be talked dirty to. And the happier I am, the better off we all are.
1: We are more flexible than men are . . its all about the flex of the foot.
. It also depends on the colors of the team and if I find anyone on the team cute.
3: Its the antomy of baby having and ish . . Myself personally am pretty strong upper body too (not all strangley big just curiously strong)
4: For those who took martial arts know that when you yell you give greater power . . the whole “Aie Ya.” For me and sex the same thing works if I try to say nothing it doesnt feel as great. So it may feel as good as it looks/sounds
7: I do this purpose to annoy you
8: egghhh really . . did you have to put in that picture??? But on the real hair is sometimes really sexy . .
Things I don’t get with men . .
1: If a relationship label is not a big thing why care so much on if we have it or not? – If something doesnt matter to me but will make my boo happy to have it then sure go ahead. Im putting in pretty simplistic terms but maybe the thing I don’t get is why say it means nothing to you when clearly it does?
2: Men who say they love their wife/woman and still have sex with other women . . .
3: How is yalls relationship mourning cycle so different? Women are first sad and tries to reconnect but after awhile try to date new men. Men try to phuck every woman willing and then gets sad and wants to reconnect typically around the same time the woman is over it.
“i can even guess exactly when their period is due, give or take 2-3 weeks” *Dead* You had me crackin up with this post, #1-8. And I don’t know why we (generally) suck at picking movies… I always allow the man to decide… unless it’s a Johnny Depp movie. #imjustsayin
things i can’t fathom about men
1.the resistance to paying child support. if you are the non-custodial parent and you are giving up 17% of your income or some other figure like that, you got off lucky. The custodial parent is giving up 95% of their income and cooking/cleaning/washing/handling homework and hearing MOMMY 24-7-365 while you swoop in for some weekends and some summertimes. C’mon son. This one I really don’t get.
2.Cannot understand why men have multiple children by multiple baby mommas (see #1) who the fuck wants to deal with all those personalities, households, mommas/aunties/cousins/brothers. seriously is condom use that uncomfortable? and isn’t it worth it if it saves 18 years of drama and you still can nut?
3. Men who claim that family is everything to them, but are cheating so rampantly that they have no choice but to eventually get caught…and the ridiculous arrogance that goes along with that. Your wife might be a ride or die or a doormat or whatever, but you’re so far out there, you will get busted and then the chips will fall where they may….
4. You talk about us and bad movies…I seriously got mad at a man who would come to my house and sit there with the remote flipping from ESPN to random channels until I realized that this behavior is NORMAL. What is the fascination with television? Don’t you have one at your house? And mind you since I pay the cable bill at my house, why do you get to be in charge of the remote?
5. The aversion to medical help until something is close to falling off….
6. When you are caught in a lie, or have committed previous grevious errors and we KNOW IT, why can’t you just say apologize? Or say you’ve changed? Or admit to the transgression without denying and evading? WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE. Trying to deflect it won’t change the facts and making us look like we’re crazy will only anger us further.
7. Why is your response to the perfectly natural anger engendered by #6 always met by “You’re crazy?” Of course I’m crazy, you are trying to deny something that my Spidey Senses have told me is the truth. Respect the intuition. And if I’ve caught you dead to rights, why are you denying it and then want to be angry at me becuase I won’t let it go? (Chris Brown syndrome)
8. Who in the hell told black men that capris of any kind were attractive? Really, I just want you to have some simple, masculine gear, that doesn’t involved dad jeans, capris, colorful sneakers, bedazzled/logo strewn hoodies or jeans, too much jewelry, too-tight skinny jeans or anything that is not in basic colors or black, green, gray and white. Can women still have something? All a man needs for me is a nice suit, a nice dress coat, a nice casual coat, Tims, a couple pair of white sneakers, jeans, nice T’s a few button downs and acceptable jewelry, earrings fine by me, a watch, a wedding ring if applicable and maybe a silver masculine style bracelet. All the rest is unecessary and flossy.
9. Why, when you are good-looking, articulate and smart have you not completed high school and/or college and are stuck in a menial job that is beneath you, but the idea of going back to school or completing school is anathema to you? Women do it all the time. Men?
“5. The aversion to medical help until something is close to falling off….”
Probably because we learn this from our mothers, sisters, girlfriends/wives, and basically every woman we’ve ever met who let aches and pains go on for months and never do anything about it. My mom’s had a headache since the Colts left Baltimore.
Here is a response to your post….
http://sheerthought.com/like-mama-always-says%E2%80%A6ask-politely-and-you-shall-receive/
1. I love heels; not only do they make my legs look great, but they can be the perfect cap on what your wearing. That said, I can’t deal with heels 4″ and higher… that’s just asking for injury, IMO.
2. Walrus… for serious?? *cracking up* I mostly hate chick flicks. Stepmom? Nope. The Notebook?? Never saw it. I do love Steel Magnolias. That’s one of fave movies of all time. But I have weird movie tastes, anyway. I’ll watch a cartoon movie before anything else. I won’t watch horror, though… I have limits. I will get caught up in a thriller at home on TV if I dont’ know what it is beforehand, LOL.
4. Hey look, it’s hard to get there. So when it happens all bets are off…
5. Y’all ain’t got to wipe like we do.
6. It all depends on how long we’ve known each other. If we’ve been dating for months and months, you should know me well enough to figure out what you did that upset me. Not dating too long, you get some leeway and I’ll say something. It might take a while, but you’ll know. We’ll just keep going in circles, otherwise.
7. Ha! The only time I watch sports voluntarily is the Superbowl.
8. Okay, that hurts…. *cringe* Although I “dated” (yeah, exactly) a big dude once, but he knew what he was doing. Whoo…. he became a habit for a while…
Ok I’m abt 3 days late and you probably got all your answers… here’s my take on it.
1. (that’s some hot boots btw) We are build for pain. How do you explain a woman having a baby all natural no drugs and turn around and do it 4 more times?!
2. have no idea
3. From wearing killa heels like that 8 hours a day.
4. yeah.. its that good! something its more like a “good job! you did good… now get off of me” either way its a secret.
5. We actually do 2x a day. we wear thong and can’t afford skid marks like y’all.
6. hell we don’t even know whats wrong!
7.it’s fun
8. not too sure of that one… the d?ck i guess?
This was so cute!
1. Answer: We try to find the most comfortable pair possible. And then we deal with the pain. Which is why we bitch about having to walk far, not being able to sit… you get the point right? LOL
2. I can’t vouch for this one! I do like some chick flicks and Harry Potter. But I like karate movies and thrillers too.
3. I thought it was a scientific fact that the strongest part of a female body is her legs? LOL… this is so funny you pointed this out though! I’m 5 feet and if I CAN lock my short legs around u and I’m pissed… I’m squeezing.
4. LMAO!!!! Honestly, I think our orgasms are better than your’s. We look at y;all like.. ok he’s done. For us… its like an out of body experience. It takes all of our energy. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! If a woman is climaxing and screaming, I think she’s faking it. The climax is my most silent moment. That shit is amazing. LMAO.
5. Dies. LOL!!!! We take shits, just not around you. And honestly, I thought this to myself the other day. “Why did I just take all of this paper?” LOL! oh well.
6. Because as we think about WHATS WRONG, more shit becomes wrong and we get madder and madder. LOL! Best bet, try to make us laugh… or just start apaologizing for shit. LOL!
7. We do it on purpose, duh!!!! LOL
8. Ugh. This one was cute. And y’all are GROSS… but yall smell so great after a shower. Men have that soap and powder thing popping lovely. =)
In response to the toilet paper thing, obviously most women don’t stand up when we go pee. We can’t really aim a specific stream to not get on any other part of our genitalia. Thus, when we go, we have to wipe every time, because otherwise our ladyjunk will smell like pee. You wouldn’t want that would you? And we generally take a long piece of paper to scrunch it up so pee doesn’t soak through the paper and touch our hands. You’d think it wouldn’t be a big deal because you wash your hands afterward. But, it is.
I strongly suggest that you employ the power of my ultra effective, super panacea word
“Okay!”
with a slow but focused exit from the general area.
Stop the headache before it starts!
Pingback: Why, Why?: If You Tell Me That It’s Human Nature I Still Won’t Understand Why Women Do This — Very Smart Brothas
*newcomer*
1-I’m 4’8 and wear heels on rare occasions (the right party scene, church, and work) but believe me, I have a pair of flats somewhere handy
2- my taste in movies is this-if it looks interesting or there’s an actor/actress in it that I like, I’ll go see it at least once
3- I cheered for the first 14 years of my life and I’m small so I was always a flyer which meant I had to learn to ‘lock’ my legs to keep myself balanced in the air. I also did gymnastics and that stuff too growing up
4- hmm, can’t answer that one yet. still in possession of my V-card (wait, do people still use that terminology?)
5- wiping makeup off, tissue suffices until we can get the proper sanitary napkin when Mother Nature comes early, I wear glasses so I use tissue to clean them, it makes an excellent cotton ball sub for the removal of nail polish, etc
6- good question. I don’t expect you to automatically know but I might expect you to gauge my “nothing” to determine whether or not something really is wrong (i.e. my tone of voice, facial expressions, etc) I know/understand that SOMEtimes what is bothering me is not even worth me telling you when you ask (i.e. the dress I wanted didn’t come in my size, my fries weren’t hot when I first got them, minor things like that). There’s really nothing you can do in those situations to make it better so it’s not worth you knowing and I won’t take it out on you.
7- I LOVE sports so when I do that it’s not intentional. It’s b/c I REALLY like that team/player. Now if your team is playing a team I don’t particularly care for, I MIGHT go against your team to be funny
8- (speaking for myself) I don’t want what I already have. No woman (other than my mother) can embrace me when I get the “I just want/need you to hold me so I feel protected” feeling the way a man can. That, among lots of other things, is what a man is for
*something I don’t get about men* how they swear up and down that they love a woman and say that she’s the one yet they go out and cheat on her?
*the one thing about men that makes me laugh* the lengths you guys to go to in order to get your girl back for whatever reason
A little enlightenment for you, if it hasn’t already been said. (sorry, tl;dr comments)
#1: Shoes like those have zippers. We’re women, not magicians.
#2: Pot calling kettle black; a person’s taste in movies is SUBJECTIVE, dude. duh.
#3: It’s cute that you’re asking this.
There are several reasons women, for the most part, have strong legs. Here are a few:
a) wearing those “f*ck me” heels and making it look easy takes a lot of work.
b) dancing at the club in those “f*ck me” heels takes even more work.
c) sex. that kind of exercise really works the quads.
#4: The answer to this is so common I’m sure countless women have already thoroughly exhausted every statement synonymous with “because men like it.”
#5: Women use toilet paper for various tasks, including:
***
a) the same way men do, #2
b) #1
c) that time of the month (don’t cringe, be thankful women have this; otherwise WE’D BE EXTINCT)
d) adjusting/applying make up
I’m sure there are more. Unlike men, women can find a multitude of purposes for anything, including toilet paper.
#6: Women experience emotions differently from men. When we are visibly upset, we may not yet have had a chance to find a clear way of verbally communicating what it is that is upsetting us. We first must deal with the internal feeling before being able to express what we are experiencing. Just be patient and give us a hug.
#7: This is a sorry complaint. Same answer as the “taste in movies” one; that shit is subjective. Either that, or she secretly hates you and is rooting for the other team on purpose just to piss you off. In that case, RUN!
#8: WE LOVE DICK.
We don’t just like it; we LOVE it. We <3 it, we dream of it, we crave it; nothing compares to a great night of deep dickin'.
Just as much as men love punani, women love the cocky. You think we'd let you build all these damn phallic buildings and monuments and shit if we didn't agree that penises are kind of amazing?!?