Featured, Sh*t Bougie Black People Love

Shit Bougie Black People Love: 32. Adding “Trap” To Regular-Ass Things They Were Already Doing

Although Black skin and student loans they’ll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever pay off ensure that Bougie Black People are, in fact, authentically Black, sometimes BBP get self-conscious about how Black they’re seen by other people. While they don’t doubt their own Blackness, they’re aware that the perception of racial authenticity is arbitrary, and they’re hyper-sensitive to anyone else doubting their Blackness, fearing that a brunch-related Facebook status message is all it would take for a cousin to leave an awkwardly punctuated “Looks like someone got a degree and got all brand new” comment on their profile.

Aware of this, Bougie Black People tend to do things to fortify their foundations of Blackness; ultimately attempting to thwart non-existent attacks from non-existent Blackness inspectors. Maybe they’ll go natural. Maybe they’ll claim Martin was their favorite comedy when Frasier actually was. And sometimes maybe they might even be President of the United States of America.

Recently, BBP have discovered a new and exciting and remarkably easy method of Blackness fortification. Just do the things they usually do, but add “Trap” to it!

Admittedly, the trapefication of Bougie Black culture is genius, as it serves two vital purposes:

1. It allows them to feel connected to the hood, as any angst and guilt about doing bikram yoga while niggas is dying in the streets is alleviated once it becomes “Trap Yoga.”

2. Saying “Hey everyone! I’m going to Trap Karaoke tonight!” instead of “Hey everyone! I’m going to Karaoke tonight!” preempts any doubts those non-existent Blackness inspectors might have.

Bougie Black People must be careful, however, not to overdose on trapefication. They already have Trap Yoga, Trap Karaoke, Trap Brunch, Trap Painting, Trap Game Nights, and Trap Kitchens and might only be one summer away from Trap Marathons, Trap Bible Study, Trap Spelunking, Trap Algebra, Trap Colonoscopy, Trap Fellatio, and Trap Cesarean Sections, and that could get messy!

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Jae Starz

    I might be down for Trap Bible Study tho.

    • A.G.

      This could actually work. The Bible is FULL of scandalous stories.

  • miss t-lee

    You already know the trap music lets the bougie folks feel dangerous. If only for 3 minutes and 44 seconds at a time.

    • Zil Nabu

      Psshh, I got my street cred 20 years ago from The 10 Crack Commandments.

      • miss t-lee

        Well, I wouldn’t necessarily list Biggie as trap…but I get it.

        • Zil Nabu

          That’s my point…I don’t need trap. I have 90s hip-hop to lead the way.

          • miss t-lee

            Alrighty.

    • Jae Starz

      *hollering*

    • Mika

      Just know I try hard to rap Jeezy lyrics to perfection. Wait, he is pre-trap trap music right? Oh well, I feel extra tough talking about bricks.

      • miss t-lee

        I think Jeezy qualifies as trap.

      • Roz

        BUAHAHAHA….talking about bricks is so official.

        • KMN

          It’s only right that you moving weight…dime bags and onions are nothing

          • Roz

            weight? dime bags? onions? What are these things?? I’m scared of you.

            • KMN

              ROFL I am a hood girl….my spermdonor was a dope boy…I’m well versed in trap vernacular lmao

          • Mama_Bee

            omg, what’s an onion. I need to know.

            • KMN

              ROFL I’m so late but an onion is an ounce of herb or other extra curriculars lmao…I bought onions of tree regularly…I used to teach so I needed it roflol…

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        Isn’t he known as the Michelan Man? Or the snowman? Or something white? Is that the dude associated with cocaine? QTNA b/c I can’t remember.

        • Robert Dotson

          Jeezy Tha Snowman……Actual album name…

          • TheUnsungStoryteller

            Yesss!!! Thanks!!!

        • Ger Wil

          Pages from “Icy” by Gucci Mane:

          “In my hood they call me Jeezy the Snowman
          You get it? (get it?) Jeezy the Snowman
          I’m iced out, plus I got snow, man”

    • HouseOfBonnets

      On your daily commute

      • KMN

        I stay on Kevin Gates…I got a h0 the back named Betty Crocker LMAO

        • miss t-lee

          Kevin my dude though.

          • KMN

            Listen I was going to go to his concert in Illinois a little while ago…He’s back on tour and I THINK out of jail…I might be too old for one of those concerts but i’ll suffer it lmao…

            • miss t-lee

              Nah, he’s still in the clink. He was supposed to be released by something happened.

              • KMN

                Danggit…I just got his latest release…I need a new album…

                • miss t-lee

                  Yeah, I think some other charges surfaced before he was ready to get released.

              • They “found” a gun charge in another state.

                • KMN

                  whaaaaaaaaaaaaa….#freeKevinGates lolol
                  for real he doing too much lolol

                • miss t-lee

                  Zacklyyyy.

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            So we just gon let the fact that he fucked his cousin just float on by huh?

            • miss t-lee

              I ain’t got nothing to do with that.

              • Mr. Mooggyy

                I’m just checkin!

        • MsCee

          I’m on some HOOODDDD a$$ ninja named Money Man right now…gives me all my trap life on my morning commute (after I drop baby Cee off at school of course)

          • KMN

            Thank you!!! I was straight up looking for someone else to listen to because I have Kevins ENTIRE catalogue and yeah lmao I need some new new…lemme holla at Spotify real quick lol

            • MsCee

              Yeah, I think Kevin’s lil jail time is kinda of a publicity stunt so when he gets out he can kinda go HAM, kinda like Boosie, Gucci etc. It’s all about the reinvention, especially after being involved in so many PR disasters

              • KMN

                I pray that’s what this is because my body is ready for some Kevin lol…

                • MsCee

                  We’ll you will love Money Man…look up his song Loyalty and How it Feel and get all your trap life

                  • KMN

                    Look I’ve already downloaded his 4 albums…I’m bout to get all these bricks off…and dead niccas that cross me ROFLOL

                    • MsCee

                      LMFAOOOOOOO dead.

      • miss t-lee

        Straight awkward Black girl style.

      • Dougie

        I’m such a thug on my commute. Seriously, nobody wants to fight me on the subway.

        • Cleotildebmcwhorter

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !se47c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !se47c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs337NetworkExpertGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!se47c:….,……

      • Junegirl627

        I love sitting on a packed train in my knee length pencil skirt and cute shoes and tote bag and soft leather jacket with my big headphones blasting the most rachet music on high. so that people in the surround area can hear it. I also play formation on blast in the elevator with the straight face on my way up to the office.

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      Makes me think of my 8.5 years living in the hood before we moved up.

      • miss t-lee

        Started from the bottom, now we here!

        • La Bandita

          Started from the bottom, now my whole crews here!!

      • Robert Dotson

        .5…….Dead.

    • Glam Life

      Yes, I have a specific trap/ hustlin’ spotify playlist for work when I need to imagine my desk job is more exciting.

      • miss t-lee

        Getcha life boo!

    • AlwaysPi7

      I already reside in SE east of the river….maybe that is why the fascination with this trap thing ain’t for me.

      • miss t-lee

        Might be?

    • anesthete

      “Trap John Cage, for 4 minutes and 33 seconds.” #silenceequalsdanger

      • miss t-lee

        LMAO

  • AKA The Sauce

    “I’m in my Trap mood, making Trap moves.” ….Gucci aka King of the Trap

    • Freebird

      TI got something to say no it that.

      • AKA The Sauce

        Bye….he need to worry bout his wife

        • Roz

          Stop trying to distract that man!

          • AKA The Sauce

            LOL

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Icon
      Trap conniasour
      Living legend

  • Zil Nabu

    Many BBP have generations of bougie in their blood line. Many of us have family expectations of our bouginess https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/631e765199fc295985865043d624a3dd9bb0fe7e60eda1c50f47fa349308d9d7.jpg

    • Anonymous

      Those people are bourgie with an R. lol

      • miss t-lee

        Or high saditty as we say.

      • Zil Nabu

        How could I forget the difference between bourgeois, bourgie, bougie, and boujee? *hangs head in bougie black girl shame*

  • Look I am here for all of these manifestations. As a person who has struggled with the ratchetness that exists in her very core versus the inherent bougie that also rests within her spirit, I enjoy being able to do stuff like get lit off mimosas, talking about 401Ks and pretending to sell that white girl while slapping the yansh of one of my well-endowed friends.

    Life is hard bro.

    Trap makes it easier.

    • Quirlygirly

      “As a person who has struggled with the ratchetness that exists in her very core versus the inherent bougie that also rests within her spirit,”

      Hello my sister in the struggle! It is real outchea. But you learn when to free your inner ratchet and when to tucker her in for a more appropriate time

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        It’s like therapy. For real. FUBU

  • PhlyyPhree

    *takes roof of at red light*
    Trap Trap Trap Trap.
    I do all Trap everything.
    Trap Laundry, Trap Cooking (although I saw the food from Trap Kitchen and while I want to try it because it looks good, I’m not at all positive they don’t use the same pots they cooked the dope in with the uzi so no) Trap Conditioning My Natural Hair.
    It’s lit.

    • AKA The Sauce

      Trap running…trap chexing…trap prayer….trap negotiating…trap business…all of it.

      • PhlyyPhree

        Trap Juicing, Trap Bill Paying, Trap Passively aggressively responding to my managers stupid request….
        I AM bout that life.

        • AKA The Sauce

          *daps*

        • miss t-lee

          ” Trap Passively aggressively responding to my managers stupid request….”

          I’m hollering.

        • Jae Starz

          That last one tho! Sometimes I even amaze myself at how I am still employed.

          • Quirlygirly

            When you are a good worker they have to accept the good with the trap..lol

            • Janelle Doe

              The good with the trap
              *Dying

      • Quirlygirly

        Trap prayer took me out!

    • Freebird

      I love that damn song!

    • Jennifer

      Can you give us details on that trap conditioning?!

  • A.G.

    Trends. You know what else bougie black people love? Podcasts. There are SO many out now, and some of them have similar names.

    • AKA The Sauce

      Don’t tell them…i’m tryna come up off one

      • A.G.

        You and erryone else.

        • AKA The Sauce

          What’s your point lol

    • miss t-lee

      Can we talk about sound quality? Because if you sound like you’re talking in a tin can phone, I’m immediately out.

      • Ess Tee

        Right. Like I can maybe understand a few years ago when podcasts were starting to come back into the fold. But there’s better technology now. If you would like for me to take you seriously, please figure out how to record in a space where the sound isn’t bouncing off your linoleum kitchen floor as well as your bare walls.

        • miss t-lee

          For real though.

      • Mika

        Like talking super close the mic right? Nah fam im out, lol

        • miss t-lee

          That too. Serious pet peeve.
          Why can I hear your sinus whistle?

    • grabo2003

      I like Drink Champs, tho Note doesn’t let his guests finish their points/sentences.

      • A.G.

        What do they talk about? Alcohol?

  • DCFem

    I guess it is a function of my age that I don’t use this word as where I come from “trap” means ho, as in, “she is out there trappin’ (hoeing)”. The definition has obviously changed but I just can’t.

    • I’ve heard it used that way, too.

  • Jocelyn

    Adding trap to everything sounds incredibly hipster. They are the progenitors of doing the most. Wait…are BBP just tanned hipsters?

    • miss t-lee

      Yes.

    • Quirlygirly

      Sounds about right..tanned hipsters,,

    • “Wait…are BBP just tanned hipsters?”

      Yessssss….

      https://media2.giphy.com/media/xcNDsrQfWxluM/200.webp#70

    • Ess Tee

      Ahem! I prefer to be noted as bronzed hipster.

      Thank you very much.

      • Jocelyn

        Duly noted. We will refer to you as such :)

        • Ess Tee

          :) lol

    • Freebird

      Afirmative

    • Charles Johnson

      everybody likes artisanal bread and shops at locally grown places and funky restaurants and listens to Lo-Fi!!! I am not a hipster even though while writing this I’m having a slow realization that I may be one… well played Jocelyn

      • Jocelyn

        You’re welcome! LOL!

      • Zil Nabu

        If it makes you feel better I ride a 1987 Schwinn Cruiser. You’re among friends.

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        I know I just realized I was…I like oddball trendy things from the 90s ( a great time in life when I was a child, not a teenager). Especially if it includes sarcasm. I’m here for it.

        • Charles Johnson

          You already know. 90s were rough but man did we create some diamonds

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      BINGO. You got it.

  • Rachel Dolezal is being interviewed on the Dan Lebatard show right now. #thischick

    • miss t-lee

      No way.
      She talking sports?

      • Nope. She’s doing what she does. Before she came on they were talking about the Action Movie Hall of Fame and they asked her if Wesley Snipes should be included.

        • miss t-lee

          Ew.

          • She said she does braiding, locks, and twists for her hustle now. Makes sense.

            • miss t-lee

              Well, I know she’s been doing hair for a minute.

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