Shit Bougie Black People Love: 32. Adding “Trap” To Regular-Ass Things They Were Already Doing » VSB

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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 32. Adding “Trap” To Regular-Ass Things They Were Already Doing

Although Black skin and student loans they’ll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever pay off ensure that Bougie Black People are, in fact, authentically Black, sometimes BBP get self-conscious about how Black they’re seen by other people. While they don’t doubt their own Blackness, they’re aware that the perception of racial authenticity is arbitrary, and they’re hyper-sensitive to anyone else doubting their Blackness, fearing that a brunch-related Facebook status message is all it would take for a cousin to leave an awkwardly punctuated “Looks like someone got a degree and got all brand new” comment on their profile.

Aware of this, Bougie Black People tend to do things to fortify their foundations of Blackness; ultimately attempting to thwart non-existent attacks from non-existent Blackness inspectors. Maybe they’ll go natural. Maybe they’ll claim Martin was their favorite comedy when Frasier actually was. And sometimes maybe they might even be President of the United States of America.

Recently, BBP have discovered a new and exciting and remarkably easy method of Blackness fortification. Just do the things they usually do, but add “Trap” to it!

Admittedly, the trapefication of Bougie Black culture is genius, as it serves two vital purposes:

1. It allows them to feel connected to the hood, as any angst and guilt about doing bikram yoga while niggas is dying in the streets is alleviated once it becomes “Trap Yoga.”

2. Saying “Hey everyone! I’m going to Trap Karaoke tonight!” instead of “Hey everyone! I’m going to Karaoke tonight!” preempts any doubts those non-existent Blackness inspectors might have.

Bougie Black People must be careful, however, not to overdose on trapefication. They already have Trap Yoga, Trap Karaoke, Trap Brunch, Trap Painting, Trap Game Nights, and Trap Kitchens and might only be one summer away from Trap Marathons, Trap Bible Study, Trap Spelunking, Trap Algebra, Trap Colonoscopy, Trap Fellatio, and Trap Cesarean Sections, and that could get messy!

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Are bougie fcks doing trap tax returns now?

    • miss t-lee

      Oh dear.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      How you gonna have taxable income if you’re trappin???

      QTNA

    • Freebird

      Only if filed after the due date.

  • AntMoOAK

    Trap yoga LMAO !!! Nawww I’ma Stay on that one tho

    • MajorLazer

      trap yoga is definitely a thing in washington d.c. i’ve seen flyers.

      • PhlyyPhree

        It is. I’m trying to get to a session

      • miss t-lee

        Seems like this would totally defeat the point of yoga and all, but I’m snoring.

        • Jennifer

          There is already a EMD yoga for the YTs. I enjoy equal opportunity foolishness.

          • miss t-lee

            LMAO

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Co-worker goes to it

    • Ess Tee

      It’s a thing (that I do lol)!

      It’s yoga with rap and trap songs, really, instead of soundtracks with Tibetan singing bowls or waves crashing into rocks playing in the background.

      • Quirlygirly

        My problem would be I would try to dance to the trap songs instead of do yoga. I would be doing downward facing dog and trying to pop it. lol

        • Ess Tee

          Girl, like I don’t LOL. Be in Child’s Pose, wagging it.

  • I don’t think anyone will want a Trap C-section lol!

  • Mika

    I legit would participate in Trap Karaoke though.

    • Jae Starz

      Same.

    • PhlyyPhree

      It’s funnnnnnnnnn. Ran out of breath performing Dreams & Nightmares… But that was probably cause drunk

      • Mika

        lmao. I want to go when it comes here to Miami. Looks like a lit college party late 90’s pre 00’s era.

        • PhlyyPhree

          Pretty much. And if you can ever get to a Hennypalooza near you?
          Just gon head and plan not to come home the next day. Lol

          • Mika

            DYING to go. let me go google.

          • miss t-lee

            I don’t like Henny enough to go. :(
            I’ve been curious though.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Don’t even matter. The one I went to was BYOdrank soooooooo…
              By the time they got to me with the Henny water guns, I didn’t even care that I didnt like Henny that much.

              • miss t-lee

                This sounds like an event.

              • henny is nasty

                • PhlyyPhree

                  I agree with you. I would never debate the fact that it’s fucking disgusting.
                  But like I said, by the time I started drinking it, I’d burnt my tastebuds off with better liquor anyway.

                  • you and your hard liquor

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      What am I supposed to drink dear? Wine?
                      Smh

                    • Wine goes better with food. Food > Liquor

          • StillSuga

            More confirmation I need to just buy this Hennypalooza ticket

            • PhlyyPhree

              You should.
              They sell out quickly

    • ClaymoreParamore

      My sister and her half-sister went once in New York. They did Juicy if I remember correctly.

      • Spicy Kas

        My sister and “her” half sister? How does that work?

        • Mr. Mooggyy

          Different parents! Then, parent had a kid with another mate!

        • ClaymoreParamore

          Funny you ask cause it’s actually my half sister (same mom, different dad) and her half sister (same dad, different mom).

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            I get it. I have those issues! Trying to explain this to people can me difficult!

            • ClaymoreParamore

              Yep, especially since I just call my technically half-sister my sister and folks be like “huh?” lol

    • Roz

      How does this work?

      • AKA The Sauce

        Start wit Gucci….move to Jeezy…if you get to Pasta Troy…you went too far.

      • Mika
        • Roz

          This looks like so much fun, I want to cry. Houston, TX – Jun 23! I need to do it for the culture.

          • Mika

            We support you!

          • miss t-lee

            Oh wait…I might make this one. That’s the day after the bday too.

            • Roz

              What best way to come down from the birthday high??

              • miss t-lee

                Come down? I’ll be on it all weekend.

                • Roz

                  I misspoke. Never again.

                  • miss t-lee

                    HA!

          • Jennifer

            Get your tickets soon. It sells out quickly in DC, but we’re extra about stuff like this. H-town is more laid back.

        • Roz

          They have a survival guide!?!!?…this is life!

          • AKA The Sauce

            Right!!!

        • AKA The Sauce

          I want to go!!!

    • It was MAD FUN. A whole room of people screaming to rap music whilst drunk.

    • miss t-lee

      I wanted to go, but then I think they started the whole limiting slots thing. Plus they took too long for a show to hit here.
      I was ready to kill “Take It Off”.

      • Mika

        LMAO.

        • miss t-lee

          I GOT MY V 12 BENZZZZ, PARKED OUTSIIIIDE.

    • Glo

      DO IT. It’s amazing.

  • AKA The Sauce

    Ha….I call everything the Trap

    Random person- “Sauce…where you going”
    Me- “The Trap”
    Random person-“You mean work”
    Me-“Same thing”

    • Mika

      Accurate.

    • A.G.

      I feel like this is OG. If so, tell me how you changed your name.

      Also, hey friend! How’s your week?

      • Roz

        Ha! He caught the sauce a couple of weeks ago. Pay him no mind.

        • AKA The Sauce

          Sauce don’t lie

        • A.G.

          Gotta keep him in check.

          • AKA The Sauce

            I’m not out of pocket yet, love

      • AKA The Sauce

        I am OG…Just went to settings and change it.

        Also, I’m dope…just doing this Trap work bout to make some Trap moves

    • Trill Mickelson

      I see no lies here.

    • Asking_Questions

      In law school we called the library The Trap, because we were always trapped there…get it? Get it? Lol.

      Real life convo I once had about the Library:

      Homegirl: where you gone be today?
      Me: you know I beez in The Trap.
      Ear hustling White classmate: so THATS what that means when rappers say it in songs?
      Me and homegirl: Yeah, that’s exactly what that means.

      The end. I miss those days.

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      “Meet me in Trraaapp, it’s going downnn. Anywhere you meet me guarantee it’s going down.”

      – sorry but your comment made me think of that song.

      • CozyVon

        That song always made me want to insert random, particularly non-threatening places to meet at: “Meet me at Barnes & Noble, it’s goin’ doowwwn…”

  • AKA The Sauce
  • Zil Nabu
  • miss t-lee

    Trap F____o ain’t already happening?
    *snickering*

    • PhlyyPhree

      Maam.
      Not today.
      Lol

      *I mean, I know some chicks who claim they got that Trap….
      You know what? I said not today.

      • miss t-lee

        I’m lying?!

    • AKA The Sauce

      Ayeeeee….best kind

  • Ess Tee

    I feel hit!

  • Sigma_Since 93

    This will be a real issue when we have Trap Kappas

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