Shit Bougie Black People Love: 29. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey » VSB

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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 29. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey

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Every few years or so, a phenomenon sweeps Bougie Black People off their collective feet, capturing the attention and affection of the entire population. Lupita Nyong’o. The Sperry Top-Sider. The concept of intentionally overtipping. Passport stamps.

But perhaps nothing has enraptured BBP as quickly as the invention of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, which in five years has gone from literally not existing to being the second best birthday present you can give a BBP you want to impress. (The first? An orgasm.)

While shocking, the meteoric ascent of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey — affectionately and annoyingly called “Honey Jack” — is not particularly surprising. It’s well-established that Bougie Black People are functional alcoholics who invented things like “the day party,” “the bottomless brunch,” “the NSBE conference,” and “Wednesday” to collectively address this alcoholism. And while the mimosa is their favorite inebriate, it’s limited to weekends and daylight. Because no one — not even a Kappa — would dare ordering a mimosa when the sun is down.

Honey Jack, however, fills that void with a beverage smooth enough for Bougie Black People to drink straight and grown enough sounding to finally replace the Mojitos and Malibu and Cokes the BBP would embarrassingly order at company cocktail events.

Unfortunately, not everyone shares the BBP’s enthusiasm for Honey Jack. Many a Bougie Black Person has attempted to order a Jack and Ginger at a bar, only to learn that some bartenders consider Honey Jack to be the Iggy Azelea of alcohol, and refuse to stock their bars with it. Undeterred, some BBP will then ask the bartender if he has some honey behind the bar and if he could just mix some in with regular Jack Daniel’s whiskey. And then the bartender will say “No. This is a bar. Why would you expect me to carry bottles of honey?“And then the Bougie Black Person will know never to venture that far away from U Street again.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Kayme

    Wait. Who in the bloody hell is drinking a Malibu and coke?? What is that mess?

    • All I will say about Malibu is this: it’s made in Barbados, yet you practically need a search party to find it sold there. Mount Gay? Definitely. Cockspur? Good as a mixer. But ain’t nobody checking for that Malibu BS.

      • MostlyMax

        I beg to differ on Cockspur. Cats in the rum shops weren’t taking Mount Gay to the head. That stuff is for tourists.

        • I was deep away from the tourist spots, and there was plenty of Mount Gay on tap. (And a lot of Hennessey shots too, but that’s another post.)

          • MostlyMax

            That must be some new fangled Bajan ish. Back in my day no respectable Bajan local would be caught dead drinking Mount Gay. *feels hair getting grayer and fights urge to tell those whippersnappers to get off my lawn*

  • Wild Turkey Honey Bourbon is much much better IMO.

  • Baemie St. Patrick

    I was fake bougie for a moment and Jack Honey/ginger ale was my go to, after gin and tonics. But I fell in love with my blackness all over again and started drinking Crown Apple and cranberry juice.

    I did have a bougie moment Saturday though; I had bottomless mimosas before my wax appt!

    • Sigma_Since 93

      “I had bottomless mimosas before my wax appt!”

      You needed the liquid courage for what you were about to embark on. I don’t blame you.

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        lol I’m a pro at this. I usually do them sober but the restaurant across the street from the place added a brunch menu. I had time to kill. why not?!

    • StillSuga

      Crown Apple will be the subject of a SBBPL: 36 post, you wait and see. It is definitely coming for Honey Jack

    • Beauty In Truth

      “I did have a bougie moment Saturday though; I had bottomless mimosas before my wax appt!”

      It don’t get no bougie-er! Lol

    • Andie

      Random question. Did you find that made it more painful? I always read about avoiding caffeine and alcohol…it making your skin more sensitive.

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        Actually, it did. I thought I was a thug that day. Usually I’me fine before I get off the table but I was more sensitive than usual for some time afer my appt. Next time I’ll wait til after LOL

  • PhlyyPhree

    “the Bougie Black People will know never to venture that far away from U Street again.”

    But seriously.

    However,
    I’ve never tried this honey jack you speak of. I only tried whiskey a few times in life and none of those times caused me to want to voluntarily try a different variation.
    Guess I’m not as bougie as I thought. Meh

  • Animate

    Nope. Don’t like the Honey Jack. Now the Winter Jack is the stuff you want.

    • Baemie St. Patrick

      if it comes back out around the holidays again, I’m gonna have to order a bottle. it wasn’t sold here :(

    • Lola Caricola

      Winter Jack is everything! Simmer some apple cider with cranberries and orange zest. Add in Winter Jack, and cold weather suddenly becomes tolerable.

  • uNk

    Im not saying this is the nector of the Gods or anything, but if I read somewhere that Jesus turned water into Jack Honey and not Wine…I may or may not question it.

    • miss t-lee

      Not my Jesus.

  • eyecande

    How I feel when a bar doesn’t have Jack Daniels Honey (or even acceptable subs American Honey and Jim Beam Honey):

    • eyecande

      Also, Champ – I’m going to go ahead and take credit for this post so I can add it to my CV (another BBP fav) lol. Thank ya kindly for the pub.

  • KB

    This is the second alcohol related post in less than a week. What’s really going on over there at #TeamVSB? Yall drinking while writing these articles or nah? Also, are you going to share the libations?

    • uNk

      There must have been some slander in the other post about it lol, whatever the case i appreciate this post

    • AlwaysCC

      both marriage and children will drive you to drink/drink more #iunderstand

  • Brandon Allen

    When that last list of terrible alcohols came up, I immediately thought about Honey Jack being one of the bougiest. I’m glad it was recognized for its greatness.

  • Shanita

    Ok….that line about the Kappa’s was the best

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