Shit Bougie Black People Love: 29. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey » VSB

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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 29. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey

Every few years or so, a phenomenon sweeps Bougie Black People off their collective feet, capturing the attention and affection of the entire population. Lupita Nyong’o. The Sperry Top-Sider. The concept of intentionally overtipping. Passport stamps.

But perhaps nothing has enraptured BBP as quickly as the invention of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, which in five years has gone from literally not existing to being the second best birthday present you can give a BBP you want to impress. (The first? An orgasm.)

While shocking, the meteoric ascent of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey — affectionately and annoyingly called “Honey Jack” — is not particularly surprising. It’s well-established that Bougie Black People are functional alcoholics who invented things like “the day party,” “the bottomless brunch,” “the NSBE conference,” and “Wednesday” to collectively address this alcoholism. And while the mimosa is their favorite inebriate, it’s limited to weekends and daylight. Because no one — not even a Kappa — would dare ordering a mimosa when the sun is down.

Honey Jack, however, fills that void with a beverage smooth enough for Bougie Black People to drink straight and grown enough sounding to finally replace the Mojitos and Malibu and Cokes the BBP would embarrassingly order at company cocktail events.

Unfortunately, not everyone shares the BBP’s enthusiasm for Honey Jack. Many a Bougie Black Person has attempted to order a Jack and Ginger at a bar, only to learn that some bartenders consider Honey Jack to be the Iggy Azelea of alcohol, and refuse to stock their bars with it. Undeterred, some BBP will then ask the bartender if he has some honey behind the bar and if he could just mix some in with regular Jack Daniel’s whiskey. And then the bartender will say “No. This is a bar. Why would you expect me to carry bottles of honey?“And then the Bougie Black Person will know never to venture that far away from U Street again.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • panamajackson

    Very well known U Street fact: Most bars on U Street don’t carry Honey Jack either. But I ain’t one to gossip so you ain’t heard that from me.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Soo does that equate to ninja moments being down drastically at these establishments??? I’m like Joe.

      • panamajackson

        Au contraire – lots of n*gga moments happen on U Street. U Street is a N*gga Moment Bonanza.

        • MzzPeaches

          And this is why I must make a pilgrimage to DC before the end of the year lol

    • HR Paperstacks

      We all know the Hen rock is responsible for 93.29% of all drunken ninja moments…

  • ED

    Lol I do like “Honey Jack”

    • vanitaapplebum

      A Honey Jack shot in a glass of champagne. #judgeme #freshoutofdambs LOL!

      • ED

        I’m gonna try that. I’m not much a champagne drinker though

  • miss t-lee

    Gross.
    I’m not a fan of brown liquors, y’all can have that.
    And honey? Nope.

    • It’s okay but it’s not something I would order at a bar.

      • miss t-lee

        tasted it once. Wasn’t my thing, at all.

    • Keisha

      Brown liquor is the best!! I love mine mixed cranberry and/or pineapple juice. You can drink to your hearts delight and wake up the next day feeling extra refreshed. BEST. SLEEP. EVER…or so I’ve heard. ;-)

      • miss t-lee

        The clear and I are doing juuuuust fine. It ain’t broke, so I won’t be fixing it…lol

      • LMNOP

        Wait, what?!? You can drink to your hearts delight and wake up feeling great?

        Part of me is like no, alcohol does not work like that, ever. But another part of me wonders if I should switch to brown liquor.

        • DiamondIsMyRealName

          There are parts of me wondering the same things lol… just need to get past the taste of brown. sheesh…

  • MsSula

    Never had it. But if it’s anything like SoCo (Southern Comfort) as it seems to be, I can be easily swayed…

    • Mr. SD

      #TeamSoCo

      • MsSula

        Yes!

    • Which version of SoCo… 70 proof or a hunnid?

      • MsSula

        I will take a hunnid Sir.

      • Hunny poo is good for a tight budget. Get you tore up, has some complexity, yet is inexpensive without being rotgut liquor.

  • Garry

    I’m not much of a drinker, nor am I bougie but honey jack isn’t bad. the honey or whatever else they do makes it smooth. Most times I have water or juice instead of liquor, but If i’m offered HJ I’ll take a glass.

  • KB

    My face when I read the Kappa shade. #theyhateuscuztheyaintus
    Honey jack is ok, I’m more of a tequila drinker anyways

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Why do you look like Columbus Short trying to be incognito at your favorite spot! lol. Come on mayne, it’s the color red Champ’s got an issue with. That’s why Delta’s and Kappa’s are the brunt of the jokes…..which is fine with me but I’m just sayin’

      • h.h.h.

        Come on mayne, it’s the color red Champ’s got an issue with.

        i wonder if Champ is a Taurus…

        • Or a Crip

          • Katlego

            you made my life with that.

      • KB

        Lmfao@ Columbus short. This was the morning after a night of drinking, slightly hungover pic taken in the Dominican a couple weeks ago.

    • HA!

      A Kappa obviously stole his girl in college. And he was a bench warmer.

      http://www.sports-reference.com/cbb/players/damon-young-1.html

      • *Yeezus scream*

      • KB

        *shots fired*

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Forget shots. That was a street sweeper!

          • miss t-lee

            Napalm, even.

          • Skip Baylessed the kid

      • Why did you have to unload the clip? Let him live?

    • Ashley W.

      YASSSS for tequila! That’s more of my drink than anything brown.

    • As much as I shade Kappas, I have to respect. Just loosen up on the lineups though… Alright!

  • You Ain’t no Guest You Family

    I discovered honey jack over the holidays. I used it to make spiked eggnog. Let’s just say I wasn’t sober until Valentine’s day.

    • I’ve had it with iced tea, wasn’t bad

  • K Lust

    Nastiest drink ever. Pass me the Reggie Jack Daniels.

    • uNk

      This saddens me…

      • K Lust

        Sowwy.

  • **….pulls out a bottle of Wild Turkey American Honey made with ghost peppers, and sleepily mean mugs the room.”

    • miss t-lee

      See, I only drink wild turkey when I’m making hot toddies.

      • I use Jim Beam in hot toddies.

        • miss t-lee

          My parents love(d) the turkey…it’s a pass down…lol

        • MzzPeaches

          I use E & J (don’t judge me…)

  • Honey Jack is okay but Im not here for flavored brown…. Either you in or you not, drink your peach ring flavored vodka

    • I just pictured that candy and cracked up.

    • Kayme

      Even peach brandy tho….?

    • That last sentence though… LOL

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