Shit Bougie Black People Love: 29. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey
Every few years or so, a phenomenon sweeps Bougie Black People off their collective feet, capturing the attention and affection of the entire population. Lupita Nyong’o. The Sperry Top-Sider. The concept of intentionally overtipping. Passport stamps.
But perhaps nothing has enraptured BBP as quickly as the invention of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, which in five years has gone from literally not existing to being the second best birthday present you can give a BBP you want to impress. (The first? An orgasm.)
While shocking, the meteoric ascent of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey — affectionately and annoyingly called “Honey Jack” — is not particularly surprising. It’s well-established that Bougie Black People are functional alcoholics who invented things like “the day party,” “the bottomless brunch,” “the NSBE conference,” and “Wednesday” to collectively address this alcoholism. And while the mimosa is their favorite inebriate, it’s limited to weekends and daylight. Because no one — not even a Kappa — would dare ordering a mimosa when the sun is down.
Honey Jack, however, fills that void with a beverage smooth enough for Bougie Black People to drink straight and grown enough sounding to finally replace the Mojitos and Malibu and Cokes the BBP would embarrassingly order at company cocktail events.
Unfortunately, not everyone shares the BBP’s enthusiasm for Honey Jack. Many a Bougie Black Person has attempted to order a Jack and Ginger at a bar, only to learn that some bartenders consider Honey Jack to be the Iggy Azelea of alcohol, and refuse to stock their bars with it. Undeterred, some BBP will then ask the bartender if he has some honey behind the bar and if he could just mix some in with regular Jack Daniel’s whiskey. And then the bartender will say “No. This is a bar. Why would you expect me to carry bottles of honey?“And then the Bougie Black Person will know never to venture that far away from U Street again.