Shit Bougie Black People Love: 28. Full Beards » VSB

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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 28. Full Beards

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Everyone knows that if you were to happen to encounter a random pack of Bougie Black People in the wild — perhaps at a gallery crawl or a Delta Sigma Theta potluck — and you wanted to make a good first impression, the best way of doing so would be to find a woman (any woman, literally) and ask her about her natural hair journey. Maybe she’ll regale you with tales of what inspired her to make the big chop. Or perhaps she’ll weave through a yarn about the look her White manager gave her the first time she went to work after the big chop. And maybe she’ll weave through a yarn about the look her great aunt gave her the first time she went “back home” after the big chop. Either way, she’ll be happy to talk to you, and she might even let you touch her copy of Americanah.

What’s not as widely known is that asking literally any woman or literally any man in that pack for their feelings about beards would produce the same wide-eyed mirth and glee. Bougie Black Girls swoon at just the thought of impeccably bearded Black men with degrees and apartments with updated appliances, while Bougie Black Guys — well, the Bougie Black Guys actually able to grow full beards — will happily volunteer the make and model of the clippers they keep in their dashboards and attaches.

It hasn’t always been this way. Even as soon as a decade ago, the only people BBP praised for their beards were Black Thought and Jesus. Since then, the beard has undergone a renaissance, as guys left out of the natural hair fun Bougie Black Girls were having decided to have some hairfun of their own.

But while the beard has some obvious aesthetic value, it also serves a practical purpose for the Bougie Black Person. Aside from driving a Tahoe or dating someone from Detroit, there aren’t many ways for the Bougie Black Guy who happens to be navigating corporate America to make his Blackness distinguishable. But nothing says “Hey, you. I’m authentically Black” louder than a Black man with a full beard, and nothing says “Hey, you. I’m authentically Black…and I have a W-2” louder than a Black man with a full beard that’s not full enough to scare White co-workers but is full enough to convincingly head nod to Kendrick Lamar.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • I typically keep it lined up and low per my avi…..all these bald ninjas with full beards and fitteds starting to look alike

  • TeeChantel

    I welcome a nicely groomed beard, but I am not crazy about it. I actually hate the feeling of hair brushing up against my face. I am NOT for the James Harden beard and just about every beard-having dude in Philly.

    • Beauty In Truth

      James Harden…eeewwwwe! Lookin’ like a newly freed slave!!!!
      That beard is so disrespectful! 0_0

      • TeeChantel

        For real. I know it itches. He can’t tell me that beard doesn’t itch.

        • PunchDrunkLove

          Or stank

      • miss t-lee

        His face is disrespectful though.

        • TeeChantel
          • He looks like a back up dancer for Cameo.

            • TeeChantel

              LOL!

          • miss t-lee

            Nah I meant his face, sans beard.
            The beard ain’t do that…lol

            • TeeChantel

              I’d like to see what his face looks like w/o the beard. I think he’d look like a totally different person

              • miss t-lee

                You should google. I’ve seen it…and…
                I’ll let you see it on your own…lol

                • TeeChantel

                  Oh. Just checked. You are so right about that!

                • TeeChantel

                  Yep. Check my comment below.
                  Fix it, Jesus.

                • Agatha Guilluame

                  See this is the fuckshit I’m talmbout.

                • uNk

                  sure it wasnt the smile that killed him in the first pic? lol

                  • PunchDrunkLove

                    Hollers….

                • Beauty In Truth

                  OMG!!! XD
                  Two different people! He’s actually kinda cute underneath! I am shocked!!!!

                  • Sigma_Since 93

                    I hope he’s fixed those teeth!

                  • TeeChantel

                    He’s actually kinda cute underneath!

                    What you say?

                    • Beauty In Truth

                      What’s wrong? Lol. I didn’t say he was Idris Elba. He’s definitely not unattractive though.. No? I don’t really know much about the guy. But he’s not bad looking. O_o

                    • TeeChantel

                      He’s actually not that bad in this picture. The picture above is just rough..

                    • PunchDrunkLove

                      Not at all. This is a nice pic

                    • I already know his teeth are jacked so regardless of how decent he looks here, I’m still turned off

                    • dmcmillian72

                      He really does have a nice beard, though…

                    • ChiChi

                      and THIS is why BALANCE IS KEY!

                  • dmcmillian72

                    Those sleepy eyes and that clear, chocolate skin… :D He needs braces though.

                • TeeChantel

                  Yes to that vid! Shave that beard.

            • MsSula

              I don’t care what all of y’all are saying, James Harden is cute! LOL.

        • Leigh

          But his wallet commands ALL THE RESPECT!

          • miss t-lee

            Um…okay then.

    • K Lust

      Why do people always act like black men with beards look just like James Harden? Like thats the go to bearded black man.

      • Fat with a beard ur Ross, smaller ur Harden, lightskinned ur Common….rules is rules

      • MsSula

        Shiiid! I am here for James Harden’s beard… all of it. That beard is husbae #beardgoals. Loll.

      • TeeChantel

        it’s a really great example of a really horrible beard. I’ve seen too many men with beards seem to take over their entire face. Uh Uh. Not for this woman.

        • I find it weird when theres no space beneath the lower lip….like do u have a face my ngga?

        • K Lust

          People will say that about glorious beards tho. I think it’s like what @disqus_yH1xJ83lxP:disqus said, “Fat with a beard ur Ross, smaller ur Harden, lightskinned ur Common….rules is rules”

    • Wild Cougar

      Meh on the beards. I’m over it, was never that under it to begin with. Then again I was never bougie.

  • Prince De LaGhetto

    Good Article sir, nice, quick, and straight to the point!

    • Damon Young

      that’s what she said?

  • SN is this reallt only #28 of Sh t BBP Love…seems like it should be in the 40s by now

    • Damon Young

      i stopped doing them for a few months. the server issue really slowed our stride with a lot of things

  • samanthadecoteau

    This is hilarious.

    • Damon Young

      i try

  • Brandon Allen

    *Weeps* *Hangs head in beard envy*

    • Sigma_Since 93

      *Hands Brandon a tissue and sits down next to him*

      • Damon Young

        get a room

  • miss t-lee

    I see nothing wrong with this statement..lol

    • HeyBooHey

      Neither. Do. I. *lifts hands in adoration*

  • I adore beards!!!!!

    • Damon Young

      i;m sure beards adore you too

  • Fellas, remember theirs nothing worse than a struggle beard over the age of 25. If you can’t grow an even one by that age, just wear the clean shaved look.

    • Leave Paul Pierce alone

    • Damon Young

      some guys are late beard bloomers, though

  • ED

    #teamfullbeard #nostrugglebeard

    • Damon Young

      #teamteams

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