Shit Bougie Black People Love: 26. Solange Knowles » VSB

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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 26. Solange Knowles

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It might seem odd that Solange would appear on this list before Beyonce. After all, Beyonce is Beyonce and is loved by everyone. But people who love Beyonce don’t really love Beyonce. Because loving Beyonce is like loving oxygen or a recurring dream about a root beer float. You appreciate these things and might die without them, but they’re far too abstract to have any real connection to.

Solange, on the other hand, is real. Like, really real. In fact, if you were to ask a Bougie Black Person why they love Solange, the first answer would likely be “Because she’s just so…real.”

This is important, because BBP are obsessed with the concept of realness. The eggs they eat must be from a real chicken. The hair on their heads must be from their actual heads. The Black music they listen to must be performed by actual Black people. This all stems from the BBP’s need to be recognized as authentically Black. Years of being “the only Black person at the spelunking meetup” and hearing things from White People like “Wow. You’re the only Black person I know who listens to Beck” has made them hyperconscious of how they’re perceived by other people. Naturally, they’d gravitate towards authenticity, and no celebrity is more authentic than Solange.

Solange also possesses quite a few Bougie Black Person status markers. She had natural hair before having natural hair meant you were cooler than everyone who doesn’t have natural hair. She’s a talented artist who makes good music no one can actually name (until A Seat at the Table, of course) similar to the tens of thousands of BBP in D.C. who have “good” jobs where no one actually knows what they actually do for a living. And, although she has a tendency to get a bit too real sometimes, it’s always done in “safe” places (Instagram, weddings receptions, elevators, etc), similar to the Bougie Black Person who saves the twerking and Shmoney dancing for game nights, wedding receptions, and Delta-sponsored potlocks. She is the manic pixie Bougie Black Girl.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Val

    Solo is more than just real. She’s interesting. I’d love to hang out with her. She’s so wonderfully artsy and creative. In contrast, I would turn down any chance to hang with her big sister. Even if someone offered to pay me. I think hanging with Bey would be coma inducing.

    Go, Solo!

    • Sterling Rose

      I don’t think Solange would appreciate you talking about her big sister like that. We’ve all seen where she goes when people disrespect Bey… Mhmmmmm.

      • Val

        Solo understands. That thing with Jay in the elevator was because Solo wanted to go to White Castle and Jay wanted to eat at Le Cirque.

        • Andrea

          Don’t believe the photos from Solo’s publicist y’all. Solo don’t hardly want to go to nobody’s White Castle. I bet you it is the Exact opposite. Solo reminds me of Mos Def. Another person who will be first in line at Le Cirque. Another person who wanted to hang with and date her Sister. Don’t let Solo’s big wigs fool y’all. Like Eryka’s dread lock wigs did. Jay bout the only one of them Black folks fittin’ to be up in somebody’s White Castle’s.

          • Val

            Nah. I really wouldn’t be surprised to walk into White Castle at 3am on a Sunday morning and seeing Solo. Jay would be somewhere buying $10,000 bottles of champagne and then hopping on a private jet to have breakfast in Miami.

            • Andrea

              And That’s what her publicist wants you to believe.

              • Val

                Okay. Lol. Well she’s a good publicist then because I believe it.

            • Jazmine

              If Solo had $10,000 money to spend on champagne, she’d be the first one boarding the jet. Don’t let the afro-centric look fool ya…
              If the roles were reversed, you’d see Bey holed up at White Castle.

              • Val

                Solo sings about love and fairy dust. Jay raps about champagne and G8s. People generally aren’t that different from their art, if at all. People who sing about love and fairy dust eat at White Castle and people who rap about drinking $10,000 bottles of champagne generally do in real life.

              • Sincereluv4life

                if solo don’t have $10,000 to spend no champagne her man does… she’s good :-)

      • Michelle

        Solange and Bey reminds me of a pair of sisters that I know, when I was a kid. The younger sister was the one who explored the community while the oldest sister preferred to hang out with her peers that were in their family. The youngest was more outgoing and open-minded. She made friends with anyone.

    • Meridian

      This! I should’ve just co-signed your comment lol.

    • Your comment boils down to “sh*t lesbians say when they’re hot about someone”. Not all are alike, but I’ve heard that game laid down a few times. LOL so what brunch spot are you taking Solange to Val?

      • Val

        Lol. I know this place overlooking the ocean.

    • pls

      i’d light an L wit the both of them.

      bey is actually pretty goofy when she isn’t being beyonce the artist. her older interviews are pure gold.

      • Val

        Yeah, back when she was with Destiny’s Chirren she was goofy in a good way. She was on cribs back then and I enjoyed her segment.

        • Marcus

          Destiny’s Chirren, though? LMAO #iCant

  • QUEEN!
    MUVA!
    SOLO!!!!!!
    PRAISEEEEEEE!!!!

    *oils scalp with tea tree, coconut, and lavender oil while saying positive affirmations*

    • Damon Young

      get a room

    • Ashley W.

      Yassss!

  • Solange is so real…
    …she can walk into a room and the whole room would automatically start sipping green tea, and bust into a chorus of “Kum Ba Yah…”

  • Tonja (aka Cheeks)

    #DatWeddingCapeDoe

    Is the day gig Christmas party considered a “safe” place? Because I totes plan to Shmoney dance there. So.

    • Do it for the vine

    • Anonymous

      Absolutely not.

      • Andrea

        This made me laugh

  • Brendadc

    “She’s a talented artist who makes good music no one can actually name, similar to the tens of thousands of BBP in D.C. who have “good” jobs where no one actually knows what they actually do for a living.”

    As a DC area resident, I laughed out loud at this because it’s so true.

    • IcePrincess

      I instantly thought of Panama *snickers*

      • Meridian

        He’s a senior level Collective Populace Jamboree Engineer.

        • Tonja (aka Cheeks)

          LMAO

        • Val

          Why does the word ‘jamboree crack me up?

      • panamajackson

        I mean, I do stuff. Ya know. Important stuff. Just…its just stuff tho. No need to talk about it. At all. Ever.

        • Lol@ “You aint GOT no job Tommy!”

          • panamajackson

            Somebody pays me. Bi-weekly. That’s all that matters.

            • Cash those S.H.I.E.L.D check, Peej. #gottaeat

              • Val

                That’s not a bad show. They have quite a few Black folks on. I watched a bit of it last night.

                • The first season started out rocky but once they were smart enough to have a direct tie in with the last Captain America movie and the found its footing. That show and Sleepy Hollow are keeping it really ethnic without being stereotypical.

                  • Val

                    Yeah, I didn’t notice a single stereotype. Also, they didn’t have all the Black characters having chex with White people. That seems to be a requirement these days for Black characters on network TV. I’m definitely going to tune in again. I haven’t seen Sleepy Hollow.

                    • Sleepy Hollow is a good watch.

                    • tgtaggie

                      I can watch Nicole Beharie watch paint dry

                    • She is rather fetching. Real talk actors from SC are out here thriving.

                  • Meridian

                    Mhm. Main characters too which is really dope.

              • Imoteda

                Soooo… has anyone mentioned that your picture looks like Lyfe Jennings?

                I may be the only one who remembers what he looks like though

            • miss t-lee

              This sounds like a front.
              *snickers*

              • panamajackson

                How can it be a front…if there’s no back.
                #deep

                • miss t-lee

                  Getting your Jaden swag on I see.
                  I can dig it…lol

        • Val

          I so had a job just like that a few years back. Lol That could have been my job description to a t. No joke.

          • panamajackson

            lol. lots of those ’round these parts.

  • Meridian

    lmao @ how much non-shade shade is woven into this post. That was a hoot.

    I love her because she’s such a wonderful person. Just wholesome. She has a natural hair family, she’s always dressed beautifully, she’s artsy and exudes this softness and suppleness that makes you just wanna be happy as h*ll while frolicking through Dandelions holding her hand. She’s just a wholesome representation of beauty and love and creativity. I’m surprised Beyoncé hasn’t stolen her swag and turned it into millions yet. Sike. But seriously. Shout outs to Jozen.

    • miss t-lee

      For real though, Jozen took on the Beyhive yesterday, and is miraculously still standing.
      Salute that man.

      • Whaatttt?

        • miss t-lee

          Yup…on twitter yesterday. It was quite comical, but he made it through.

          • Wow. I see that I haven’t missed any of the insanity then.

            • miss t-lee

              Nah, it’s all still there when you get back…lol

      • Lea Thrace

        Where did this occur? I need to know what happened!

        • miss t-lee

          twitter.

        • Meridian

          On twitter. It was on the little side screen thingy yesterday. He stood toe to toe with the Beyhive and came out unscathed. One man. All day. By himself. No pillow. Twitter jail. It was hilarious.

      • Rachmo

        I totally enjoyed it

        • miss t-lee

          Also.
          Everything he said was true, but telling that to stans is like talking to a brick wall.

          • Val

            Yep. Bey stans are normally immune to the truth or logic.

            • miss t-lee

              More like immune to reality. Obsession will do that to you.

          • Meridian

            Right. Beyoncé is dope and all buuuuut he definitely made some legit points.

            • miss t-lee

              Yuppppp

        • tgtaggie

          I really thought he was trolling bc it was so funny reading it last night

      • Lea Thrace

        I am going through and reading now. Lawd. He is a brave man!

        • miss t-lee

          Indeed.

        • pls

          lank?

      • I went an read that. The Beygency is REAL. Like wow. And I haven’t read this many anti gay slurs since I visited a dance hall lyrics site a year back. You are a brave man!

        • Val

          Anti-gay slurs from the hive? I thought the hive was like 90% gay?

          • AlwaysCC

            it was crazy!! all i saw was the feed vsb shows, but i’m sure it was even crazier in the real twitterworld

            • Val

              Wow. This is sounding more and more epic. I hope he writes a post about it.

              • AlwaysCC

                lol it was. i actually checked the feed to see what else happened before i read the post lmbo

          • Lea Thrace

            soo many times the f word was thrown around. I was quite surprised.

            • Val

              Wow. The hive has certainly changed.

          • miss t-lee

            Exactly…lol

        • Andrea

          I had worked up the nerve to check the responses from my first tweet ever. But after I saw that yesterday…..I said…’Maybe later’. Its not like I said anything about B. But seeing all that negative language directed at a stranger like that. Makes me nervous.

        • They also tried to insult him by saying that he looked like the cartoon “Arthur”. As if Arthur was not one of the best cartoons of the 90’s. The Beygency is insane.

          • Lea Thrace

            I would have taken it as a compliment. Arthur was cool as a fan.

          • Meridian

            That was funny as h*ll. He did look a little Arthur-ish doe.

            • Team VSB and all that but I howled at that Arthur meme

              • Meridian

                Traitor tots.

      • I read the throw-down on the side bar… That Jozen fella is a patriot. There was so much…sass being thrown at him.

        • miss t-lee

          True American Hero.

          • I mean that was pretty bad-a**. Not saying he’s the best but he’s somewhere between Richard Roundtree and Chesty Puller.

            • miss t-lee

              Indeed.

    • Hey I’m used to nonshade shade. It’s 75% of what Rachmo writes about me. ;-)

      • Val

        Lol.

      • Rachmo

        Don’t worry. I’m getting you an e-blanket for Kwanzaa to keep you warm against all my shadiness. #Rachmocares

        • Val

          Wow. So much shade wrapped inside shade. I bow to your shadiness my queen.

          • Rachmo

            Levels and shyt

        • Meridian

          Shade is best served in the warmth of love.

        • Maybe I just need to live a calm life filled with paleo vanilla cakes. Maybe I should find a hobby that has lots of vanilla women. Maybe I should even contemplate going to church for once. And you know I love missionary! ;-)

          • Rachmo

            Due to this response I’ll even throw an Ayn Rand quote or two on this kente cloth blanket.

      • Meridian

        =x

        I have my own non-shade shading buddy #OnHere. I’m not gonna say any names but he’s an Urban Online Verbiage Organizer. It’s just so much fun to tease you guys. *pinches cheeks and talks in baby voice*

  • Solange is kind of weird. But she’s like the quietly socially acceptable quirky kind of weird that makes people interesting; not the jarring “we don’t know what to do with you because you’re off kilter and jarring”sort of weird.

  • Quirky is the new hot

    • Rachmo

      My time has finally come!

      • I’m waiting for my era to come back. Big stocky Black guys were a thing from like 96 to 2001. Here’s to hoping the second go round doesn’t entail shiny suits.

      • Lea Thrace

        It is time for us to rise sister!

        • Rachmo

          Raise your fist while awkwardly pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose queen!

    • How quirky we talking?

  • Matte Black

    If I had it my way solange, lupita, kelis and kelly Osborne ( she’s so dope) would be my besties in real life. Beyonce not allowed

    • Damon Young

      beyonce would be there. because beyonce is always there

    • Pinks

      Lupitaaaaaaaa. I just want to listen to her talk all damn day.

      • MostlyMax

        YES. I just want to spend a day doing BBP stuff with her and have her braid my fro.

    • Val

      I’d definitely like to hang with Kelis too. She so multi-layered.

      • Andrea

        Only her hair is. It is just an illusion.

        • Val

          Stop it!

        • Lea Thrace

          Bwahaha! Are you trying to crush Val’s dreams today?!

        • tgtaggie

          But her milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard tho. *ye’ shrug*

  • Matte Black

    Damon, thank you for providing a safe place for me to divulge in my obsession with solo. I never comment on vsb but she’s all the inspiration I need.

    1. Don’t even get me started on that american horror story slayage bridal party photo.
    2. Her entire life is a spread from some abstract underground magazine that we have yet to discover

    • Damon Young

      there are a lot of things that could be happening in this picture

    • Folasade

      I legit had a feeling of euphoria come over me when I saw her wedding pics. It was like “bish, there isn’t any space left in my heart to love you any more than I do…just stop it already”

      • Matte Black

        my sentiments exactly

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