Guest Blogger, Theory & Essay

She Just Needs To Kiss More Frogs

[Admin Note: Today I’m handing the dais off to the home, S. Malik Husser. He wrote here once before and was a host with me on the now defunct Blaqout radio show on Blis.fm. Please welcome the homey to the podium. Be kind. Play nice. – PJ]

kissing-frogsI write this for the guy who wasn’t the star athlete in high school.  Who was class president in college, instead of the popular frat guy.  This is for the very smart brother who isn’t seen as the cool kid, but definitely cool in his own right.  

(PJ Edit: I happen to know Mr. Husser really well. He was both the class president and in a frat. I’m not saying, but I’m saying. I’d also wager that the class president is likely a very popular person. That’s just me speaking though. Malik, I’m looking at you.)

Just an all around great guy who likes a girl, but she’s just not that into you.  Matter of fact, she doesn’t even know you exist.  Why? Because you aren’t the shiny new object in the club, spraying champagne, with the latest (place name brand here) belt or hat, which could potentially be fake, because, well, bootlegging is real out here.  Or because you choose to invest your money into actual assets instead of financial liabilities, like high-end cars, aimless nights partying, or people that you won’t remember next week.

(PJ Edit: I’ve never attempted to spray champagne on anybody in the club. It seems like a great idea for a video but a terrible idea in practice. Ain’t no woman who isn’t being paid to be there who is going to take too well to getting sprayed. Plus, there’s no coming back from that. You’d have a problem on  your hands that even Olivia Pope couldn’t fix.More  plusses, have you seen champagne prices at clubs? Real talk, in DC at this club called Opera, there is a $75,000 methuselah bottle of Ace of Spades on the menu. NOBODY CAN DRINK THAT. But for $75K, we are gonna try like Frank Ocean does.)

Here’s the thing, she’s not into you, because she can’t see you. And the reason she can’t see you is because all she can see is green…frogs that is. (yeah, there was a double meaning there).

However, even though that’s the case, she’s still beautiful.  She’s still sexy…and from afar, she’s inconceivably witty.  She’s always laughing, and it seems like she’s always having a good time with all the cool kids, at the coolest parties.  Crazy thing is, you are there too, at the same events and same places.  But like in high school, her clique doesn’t recognize you, UNLESS you are IN their clique.

(PJ Edit: The best way to counter this is to walk around singing, “ain’t nobody f*cking with my clique, clique, clique, clique, clique…” as this will make people immediately attempt to observe your clique.)

Regardless, she still holds your attention.  No matter how many times you see her out with a different man about town, you still see her as YOUR Elizabeth Taylor.   Unimagined beauty, that’s timeless.  You can’t take your eyes off of her.  You’ve even made eye contact once…well, you thought you did.  

Still you hold on to hope.

(PJ Edit: This is that Obama stuff. Meanwhile, I’m going on three days of being temporarily fired. Hope deez.)

As you should.

Because in truth, this is her journey, and if you really want her to SEE you, she has to have these experiences. However, you too must walk your own road.  So what you don’t fit into her world.  You are building your own universe.  So what she isn’t paying you any attention, now. It’s not until she’s kissed enough frogs that she will ever realize it.

If all she knows are frogs, how are you to expect her to recognize a prince?  You can’t very well walk around wearing a crown and then tell her fix her hair in its reflection.  After all, you aren’t Jay Z (no hyphen).

Let her continue upon her path.  Jumping from lily pad, to lily pad, living the pond life.  After a while, she’ll be exhausted from all of the aimless jumping.  And when she’s looking for a reprieve, she’ll notice that there’s a bridge over her moat that leads to a very immaculate structure. 

It is then when you’ll find out first hand whether she is your princess.  Whether she is actually more than the life of the party….or was she just the party.  Her beauty is still inextricably in tact, but come to think of it, Elizabeth Taylor was married 8 times. (Who was number 8??  Geez..)

So, I say to you my fellow unassuming, charming geek that the prom queen never notices.  Let time take its course.  And allow her frog kissing to commence.  In the meantime, walk your journey and watch your path unfold.  In the end, if it’s time she needs to earn the lenses to see your beauty, than time she should have.  It’s her decision how she ends up. 

(PJ Edit: Let’s keep it 100. We outchea kissing frogs too. Some of us are kissing actual frogs. I see WSHH.)

And based on this theory…..Rihanna still has time to finally SEE me one day.

So what say you? Good advice? Bad advice?

-S. Malik Husser

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

    “Scared di*k is dry di*k”

    —- Apostle AfroPetite

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      Nothing around me stays dry for long.

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite
        • nillalatte

          LOL….

        • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

          AHAHAHA I was waiting to see if AP would check me. Well played – Trust, I don’t take myself that serious

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            Go to a corner and think about your life choices

      • T.Q. Fuego

        Well played Toby…well played lol

        • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

          They just don’t know T.Q. They got me all figured out then I hit em with the leather and zip my face up.

        • Agatha Guilluame

          *dead* @ calling him Toby…still though…*snickers*

          luv u Tobias

          • T.Q. Fuego

            U gave us a gem with that one. I can’t NOT call him Toby now lol

    • Val

      AP, what the heck is up with tumblr? I’m trying to set up a new tumblr and it’s driving me bats*it crazy? Nothing is intuitive? or is it just me?

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Tumblr is good on my end Val. You getting an error message?

        • Val

          When I try to post a photo the page just freezes.

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            Hmm. What search engine are you using?

            • Val

              I’m not using a search engine. I’m in my dashboard. When I click on photo it comes up but when I click on url it freezes and I have to reload the page and it does the same thing again?

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                Refreshing it didn’t help?

                • Val

                  Nope. Oh well. Thanks.

                  • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

                    If you have the option Val, try a different browser.

                    • Val

                      Thanks, Trip. I was thinking about doing that. Sometimes firefox is buggy.

                    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                      ewww Google Chrome or Safari are always good choices

                    • Val

                      I think I got it, AP. :-)

                    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

                      When you get that tumblr up, hit me with a link?

                    • Val

                      Will do. :-)

                    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                      Me dos.

              • 321mena123

                Stop putting up pron and you won’t have a problem.

                • Val

                  You can tell a lot about a comment by who upvotes it. Just saying.

    • Oshun

      AMENLMAO!!!

    • Todd

      You’re assuming that there are women that clean and cook for themselves, and that there are dudes who aren’t spending money on random strangers. This is not Lake Woebegon where everyone is above average.

      • LMNOP

        There really are responsible adults out there though.

      • Kema

        I dont want to live in a place where dudes dont spend money on random strangers. :-)

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        I didn’t say all. I just said people can’t act like them doing these things is above average when it isn’t.

        • http://esotericexistentialist.blogspot.com/ MPM

          Although, if people stop doing the things that are considered average, then the average drops, and people that continue to do what used to be considered average are now actually above average.

          …after writing that I’m not really sure it made any sense…

    • John Shannon

      With that, ya’ll Ladies shouldn’t Expect/Demand/Deserve Chivalry just because you all are Women….
      It’s 2013 and Nobody is Weak, Stuck At Home or In the Kitchen or Popping 5-9 Kids out.
      For the Fellas- the Chief Keefs and SIMPs of this new era have made Being a Man a Catch-22 with a Double Edged Sword. IDK whether to reject the “Each One Teach One” and “Truth and Service” mantra of DuBois and my alma mater or Keep Optimism and Hope for my Brothas and Others of my Gender

      • Kema

        Law of attraction dude. I expect therefore I receive. :-)

        • John Shannon

          I will give you that, Miss Kema. Can’t reject Personal Experience and what I’ve seen with my own eyes

      • Agatha Guilluame

        ya’ll Ladies shouldn’t Expect/Demand/Deserve Chivalry<<<<<< say what now…

        Define your idea of chivalry please. Because I don't want to give you the side-eye if I'm just misunderstanding you.

        • http://esotericexistentialist.blogspot.com/ MPM

          Chivalry is doing things for women because you think they need to be taken care of and can’t do for themselves. Being respectful and doing nice things for someone because you genuinely care about them is completely different.

  • T.Q. Fuego

    Terrible advice. Never sit around waiting for nobody. I can’t imagine a self-respecting man playin that game. Either go get at her or move on to another one. Puttin chicks on a pedastal and waitin patiently, ain’t nobody got time fa dat. I can’t understand ya plan at all man (bonus points for whoever can name that reference).

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      T.Q. with the pick six. It’s gonna be a long game ya heard?

      • T.Q. Fuego

        Ha! Yeah a very long game. I definitely won’t be the only one though. This QB’s clearly turnover prone lol

    • kidvideo

      Brand Nubian?

      • T.Q. Fuego

        They might’ve said it, but that’s not where I heard it.

    • LMNOP

      Plus, if you’re just idolizing someone from afar, you don’t even actually like them. You like the idea of them.

      And your idea of them doesn’t know all that little stuff like how bad their breath stinks first thing in the morning, or that they their favorite show is pokemon, or that they fly into psycho rages when the humidity gets too high, etc.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      It’s smashing who you with while pining for what you don’t have. I’ve seen it go down.

      • T.Q. Fuego

        Smh, the grass is always greener (or should I say the punani’s always wetter) on the other side

  • Mel

    Wtf? Here’s an idea, stop being Mister Stalker and go say something to the girl! You know what women love more than green? Confidence! We usually flock to those douches popping bottles in the club because we mistake cockiness for confidence. When I finally saw what true confidence was in a man, the douche in the club couldn’t say not a nan nother thing to me.

    Man up! Go speak to the girl. If I had a dollar for every time a guy said to me, “I’ve always liked you but I just never said anything because of xyz…” <~~ that is annoying! We coud have been well on our way to HEA, but you got me out here with these fools because you're too scared to say something. Ugh!

  • nillalatte

    So, yeah, this post is just a mess. okay, well, dude is just a mess (but you still cute. PJ said to play nice :D) I don’t recommend any person wait on another. You could be waiting your entire life, so live your life. If a person was meant to be in your life, they will be in your life. Men, especially, if they are interested in you, will be in your life in some shape, form or fashion. Women who find men they like will welcome the attention. NillaPlatoBettaBeleevDat

    • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

      *Sees the range pull up* What’s good Nilla? I see you holding it down like usual.

      • nillalatte

        I had a Range Rover Rough day, but nothing like those dudes yesterday! :D It’s all good. Like usual? Like I’m at a bar or something, but you forgot to pour me a drank and my cup is empty!

        • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

          Sorry hon. No drinks if you can’t even say please. I’m disappointed Nilla…

          • nillalatte

            BOL… Pahleez, I don’t beg. A good man would realize he’s done wrong and cater to my mood with a “oh, I didn’t know. Let me get that for you, sweetie.”

            • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

              You totally lost me with “cater to my mood”.

              • nillalatte

                Boi! Ain’t no drank in my cup. Gesh. Is it that hard? AP, Val, someone PLEASE pour me a drink. Oh, never mind. I’m gonna’ step outside for a minute. Peace!

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  Tequila?

                  • nillalatte

                    THANK you! Finally. Andalay!

                • LMNOP

                  *Hands Nilla some cookies for your trouble*

                  Actually, I got cookies for everyone! Happy almost Friday!

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      This post sounds like some simp bs.

  • Val

    Elizabeth Taylor though?

    • BreezyX2

      IKR! Yeah lets use the woman who had 15eleven husband’s as the quintessential example.

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Not to mention she looked like a musty gym sock in her prime

        • Yoles

          come on AP in her prime she was pretty

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            Nope, I’m not giving her that at all Yoles.

    • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

      Old people’s reference.

      • LMNOP

        Isn’t he Panama’s age though? like early- mid thirties?

        Author of this, if you read the comments please explain the Elizabeth Taylor references. Inquiring minds want to know. Thank you.

        • Val

          Exactly, what a wired reference considering the forum.

  • nillalatte

    PJ, a better post, dear sir, would have been to talk about what’s got you sittin at home and let us fight on Thursday before we play on a Friday, and then do something else on a Saturday. Folks are realizing just what federal services they actually use. Folks going to Alcatraz got locked out of the prison. Internet research sites have shut down and folks trying to do their research papers can’t get the archive materials. And, rabbits and squirrels are over populating the Earth! Anyways, stubborn Tea Party a-holes.

    • http://awordorthree.com/ A Word or Three

      <— Thesis research has been stymied by the shutdown. :(

      • LMNOP

        :(

        I love your name. It makes me want to re disqus name myself A word or ten

    • WIP

      I went to go look at a survey- the website was down. What does the web have to do with it? Their f-ing it up for everybody. :(

    • panamajackson

      Honestly, I’m so pissed about the shutdown, the entire post would have said, “F*ck Congress. That is all.”

  • h.h.h.

    Good advice.

    sometimes you gotta let time take it’s course.
    and time may show she’s not your Elizabeth Taylor, but your Sheneneh Jenkins.

    either you’re lucky with women, or you’re not. if you’re not, focus on more important things.

    i have more, but i’ll keep quiet.

    and there was an 8, but not an 8.

    • T.Q. Fuego

      Create your own luck. Unless you prefer your hand more than p*ssy that is…

      • h.h.h.

        i guess so *shrugs*

        • Yoles

          stop.this.down.in.the.dumps.woe.is.me.the.girls.dont.like.me.crap.this.instant!!!!!!! no mas

          • h.h.h.

            but…it’s not.

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        luck is when opportunity meets preparedness,

        i first heard this from the lips of The Notorious Hollywood Producer, but i am not sure if he is the originator of the quote. but suffice to say, i have well remembered those words first spoken in my presence over ten years ago ~*~

  • Abu Husain

    I can’t really go with this advice, bruh. The time you spend waiting for her to realize you were the one will all be in vain once someone else comes through and scoops her up. I’m REALLY shy when it comes to approaching women, but I would much rather be rejected than wonder what if simply because I didn’t take that jump.

  • http://www.greaterunderstanding.net/ Anthony Brian Logan

    basically wait til the club girl get old so u can have her then? let me ask you this? will you want her after the beauty fades, after a few kids, a crazy baby daddy and possibly a gift that keep on giving? i bet you won’t. u might need to just have realistic expectations. this post was bad advice.

    • Todd

      Word. That’s how people end up being Captain Save-a-Heauxs. Anyone want to get this man a cape and some tights? Maybe we can get the costume designer from The Incredibles to do some consulting work. :)

    • John Shannon

      I think Malik didn’t listen to Kendrick’s verse on Memories Back Then……………

  • Oshun

    CHARMING geek…..put your charming ways to use then.

    1.) Time waits for no man. Beauty fades. Strike while the iron is hot or keep it moving,instead of wallowing in self pity about how she is kissing frogs, while your charming ways are ignored. Abegi, assert your existence.
    2.) What kind of CHARMING is this that has you waiting it out for what seems like Father Abraham years? Even Idris cannot get such special treatment. No way, no how.

    • Kema

      How charming is he if he cant charm his way into her.