Seven Things To Do When You’re Still High From The Cavs’ Victory And You Don’t Know What To Do With Yourself » VSB

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Seven Things To Do When You’re Still High From The Cavs’ Victory And You Don’t Know What To Do With Yourself

Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

 

Last night, the Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Golden State Warriors 93 to 89. It was game seven of the NBA Finals, and if you win game seven of a series, it means you win the series. This means the Cavs, not the Warriors, are the NBA champions.

I am happy about this. So happy that I’m currently eating a slice of lukewarm pizza that I…

A) ordered last night and didn’t bother putting way before bed because I was so high off of the Cavs’ win that I just didn’t do it because nothing else mattered

B) didn’t even bother microwaving this morning because the Cavs won; which means you can make anything true if you believe it hard enough…which is how I’m convincing myself that this 64 degree pizza is actually warm

Anyway, if you are like me and you can’t quite figure out what to do with yourself this morning, here’s a few relevant to the moment suggestions.

1. Re-watch Lebron’s other-worldly chasedown block

The only thing I can really say about this is that I’m confident no other human on Earth could have done this. A hawk, perhaps. Maybe even Donald Trump after a lab experiment gone awry turns him into arch supervillian Cheeto Jesus. But no other human being.

Also, if you happen to live within a three mile radius of Pittsburgh’s Northside, and you happened to be sleep at approximately 10:30 pm last night, and you also happened to be jolted awake by a hysterical yelp bouncing through the sky, my bad. In my defense, the scream was a perfectly understandable and justified result of seeing this play. So sorry. But I aint sorry. Sorry. I aint sorry.

2. Find and read shitty takes published two weeks ago on Kyrie Irving

My favorite is this one from Deadspin’s resident Warriors sycophant Kevin Draper. In his piece, aptly titled “How Good Is Kyrie Irving, Really?“, Draper questions whether the Cavs are better without him. The best part is this sentence:

Despite this, he has a max contract, a signature shoe deal, three All-Star games, an appearance on the 2014 FIBA Basketball World Cup team, and all the other trappings associated with being one of the league’s superstars.

Here, Draper suggests that Kyrie isn’t deserving of the accolades he’s received so far in his career, and it’s phrased in a way to imply he was gifted these things. And, to make his point even stronger, he conveniently neglects to mention that Kyrie was named MVP of one of those All-Star games and that his “appearance” on the 2014 FIBA Basketball World Cup team led to him being named MVP there too.

3. While you’re at it, find the first recorded instance of me mentioning Kyrie’s name on VSB

I’ll save you the trouble. It’s here, in a 2011 piece about the 30 for 30 Fab Five documentary and Grant Hill.

(Edit: Shit, I was wrong. I mentioned him even earlier than that, in a 2010 piece about season four of The Wire. Moral of the story: I’m so right that I’m even righter than I thought I was.)

4. Think of creative ways for Skip Bayless to doubt Lebron’s greatness and/or throw shade on his legacy

Because you know he’s going to do it. (Shit, he did it already last night.) So why not beat him to the punch?

5. Get verklempt at J.R. Smith’s emotional press conference

Someone must be cutting some onions or something nearby. Please, whoever is cutting those onions, please stop cutting those onions because I can’t take it!

6. Get pissed when remembering that the Cavs are owned by Dan Gilbert, one of the three or four worst people in professional sports

Because what’s not to love about a roach twat of a man who made his billions through predatory loans and is the author of the single worst (and most entertaining) piece of 21st century literature?

7. Get whiplash at how quickly the general public sentiment has turned on the Curry family

The country placing the Currys on a pedestal and then kicking them off it at the first sign of “Hey, maybe these people are just nice and normal and flawed people and not the perfect post-racial family we elevated them to be” is just as predictable as it is problematic. And nothing encapsulates this sudden change better than this Vine of Dell Curry (father of Steph) getting dabbed on after last night’s game.

Either you die a villain, or you live long enough to be at the wrong end of America’s predilection for depedestalization.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • miss t-lee

    JR’s speech took me out last night. I was bawling.
    That block was insane. Someone on twitter said it was like “a lion chasing down a gizelle”–that really was the best description. Ish was wild.

    • Phil GoBeGreat

      I didnt realize I was crying about JR’s speech until i got up to go to the bathroom and wondered who tf was cutting onions.

      • miss t-lee

        Hey…ish was touching mayne.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          There’s a great article on him in Vanity Fair (I think) where the author is cruising around with him and he’s like “yeah, my career was probably a disappointment”

          and now, $12m per at least. good for Earl.

          • miss t-lee

            Honestly, I didn’t know much of his career outside of his off the court antics. However, it was good to see him owning up and paying respect to his parents.

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              He’s crazy crazy talented but was always too much. now that CLE asks him to do like 2 things, he’s cool. and he hits so much crazy slop

              • miss t-lee

                Indeed.

    • That block and Clowney’s hit were two of the most animal like things I’ve seen a human do.

      • miss t-lee

        Facts.

      • Kas

        Crazy thing is LeBron has a catalog of those types of blocks.

      • Medium Meech

        Let me add the beast mode run for the committee’s consideration as well.

    • My one year old screamed when that block happened. Even he was impressed lol

      • miss t-lee

        Hahahah.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    Between the Cavs epic victory and “The Battle of the Bastards” on GOT..the amount of man ugly crying lastnight was at a all time high. But lets focus on how the internet went full blown petty on Ayesha Curry.

    https://twitter.com/ayeshacurry/status/744734620134965249

  • Phil GoBeGreat

    You left out a few things.

    Read Ayesha Curry’s Twitter mentions

    Wonder what Klay will do with his “back to back” shoes

    Watch this awesome video again and realize Klay should have been quiet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Mq4T0nd2J4

    • Courtney Wheeler

      All hail King James….

      Kyrie Irving came to play last night…he came through in the clutch..

      Even Kevin Love…who i would want to pimp smack most of the season was defending well.

      Amazing game 7…still buzzing from it.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        Kevin Love ready to do big things next year when Bron decides not to play any road games in December and January or whatever chillmode thing is going to happen in 16-17

        • Phil GoBeGreat

          Love prolly bout to be on another squad.

          • mr. steal your costco samples

            not unless they get some kinda offer. he ain’t getting dumped for role players, and during the regular season when Bron is bored, he’s invaluable. can’t beat anyone with just Kyrie and chilling Bron

          • Courtney Wheeler

            Wouldn’t surprise me one bit if they trade him. He was always an odd fit on that squad

          • Brandon Allen

            Naw, K Love played big in the other rounds. He beasted on the boards and he locked Curry up on their final possession.

  • I’m just happy that Bron’s haters are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mad. Like, they are drowning in their own tears and I’m so happy about it.

    Also, JR and them tears had a thug sniffling into her tea this morning something serious. He seems like such an assclown but it’s good to know that he does have some broughtupsy as my grandmother would say.

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      he grew up in the Jersey suburbs IIRC.

      some cats just got that reckless in them.

      • It will probably never leave him, but hopefully he can mature a bit with this championship

        • Kas

          We can only hope.

    • PhlyyPhree

      That post game interview almost made me want to donate $5 to his lil reality show Gofundme.
      Almost.

    • Blueberry01

      They kind of got me, too. But, um, why did the journalist proceed to ask him a question when he KNEW he was still crying?!?

      Can Black men emote in peace?

  • Medium Meech

    I don’t know why but I can’t stop watching this puppet dancing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=litl4IuUHWY

    • JennyJazzhands

      I don’t see why not? Looks legit to me. Just smooth out the 8 count a little and voila.

  • KingsCounty

    I’m out here burning bridges left and right. Anyone that approaches me at work talkin bout rigged or Lebron don’t deserve blah blah blah, you on timeout. We can’t speak.
    I will not entertain anybody that doesn’t give this guy his props. I’ve insulted a few ppls manhood this morning already cuz it’s just pathetic as a man or woman to show up with excuses and conspiracy theories instead of just saying “he got that”.
    Like I’m judging your whole character as a person if you talking like that today. I’m picking apart your actual life and telling that’s why your life is the way it is cuz you’re in denial and you make excuses. Go look in a mirror and ask yourself how’s it feel to be a hater.

    • Kas

      Look, I was pulling for the Dubs even though they lightskint. Bron and Kyrie were not to be denied. Gotta put respek on their names. Conspiracy is Steph dying on the first screen he runs into.

      • I’m actually glad they lost, especially Steph. Dude was feeling himself way too much towards the end of the season and in the post-season, thinking you can be careless and then make up for it with a 3 from 30 ft. It reminds me of the Pistons in 05, thinking that they didn’t need to run their offense or score seriously, because they always felt that they could shut a team down defensively, then they met the Spurs and they got humbled in the finals. Now Steph can go back to the gym, learn how to deal with contact and get better at playing the PG position, still a lot of room for growth. As for Ayesha, yeah, take all that money from the Curry 2s and get Ayesha a PR agent.

        I’m also happy for Kyrie Irving, probably more than LeBron. Kyrie’s one of the best PGs in the league (he was already on his way before Bron showed up) but he’s never put into the conversation, you know, getting the Kobe treatment. The fact that he lit up Curry will force people to mention him when talking about best PGs in the game.

        • Kas

          Count me in the Kyrie fan camp. I was happy to see him rise to the occasion.

          • Quirlygirly

            Me too! And when he hit that last 3..I lost my ish..He definitely came thru in the clutch..

          • PhlyyPhree

            I’m always here for Kyrie. Think I’ve been here for him since Damon first mentioned him back in 2010 and I realized he was my age and type and apparently untethered.

            • Jennifer

              You should have locked that down, honey.

            • Brother Mouzone

              A relative of mine knows Kyrie personally…he only likes white girls.

              • sasha

                Don’t ruin him for me

                • Brother Mouzone

                  Sorry..lol

        • Conrad Bess

          Always felt Kyrie’s handles were better than Steph’s.

          • I don’t think it’s that big a gap though. The difference, especially in the post-season, was predictability. It was predictable that Steph was gonna try and take a 3 vs. it was unpredictable what Kyrie was gonna do. The last play where Kevin Love “locked down” Steph is a perfect example of his whole problem the whole series:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL4KgZ_oxzo

            He could’ve easily driven to the lane, go for 2, passed to an open guy at the corner when the defense collapsed, or found a mismatch (there was 40+ secs left), but nah, he was adamant about shooting a fadeaway 3, and thus made Kevin Love look like he was Iguodola.

      • Amen

        DARK SKINNED NEGROES REJOICE!!!

        • Mary Burrell

          Lol?

        • Kas

          Apparently folks in these E streets taking it seriously, so Imma half to leave it alone.

          • Amen

            Oh word? *starts lurking through the comments*

    • My old roommate ouchea talmbout the final game was fixed and Curry was in on it. Like he took a payoff. GIRL SHUT UP.

      Just give that man and that team their props and go on about your lil life.

    • Ess Tee

      One of the guys in my office said that the game was rigged (when asked by my other colleague). At that point, I put in my earbuds and raised the volume on the music.

      I don’t even understand the accusations of rigging. Like, how? Is it easier to posit that than to think that there are holes in Curry’s game that can be exploited?

      • i always think it’s people who don’t have respect for the sport who yell about games being rigged. How do you rig some of those major plays in the 4th quarter?

        • Ess Tee

          It’s also insulting to the players involved to suggest that these elite athletes are going to take some sort of…what?…monetary kick back from the front office? To lose a game?

          Like, who’s in on the rigging?

          • Ari

            Illuminati my n**ga.

            • Val

              Lol

            • Mary Burrell

              Lol

      • Nicole

        I think that NBA series are rigged to the point where some of these match ups shouldn’t go all the way to 7 games…..but the more games that are played, the more money the NBA makes. This Cavs vs. Warriors match up shouldn’t of went all the way to 7 games. It’s good to see the Cavs end their 52 years of never winning the championship.

        • Ess Tee

          Why shouldn’t the series have gone to game 7? And if we start talking about rigged, where’s the line drawn? Is Steph really *not* unanimous MVP since a governing body decided that? Was it rigged during the 2015-2016 season when the Warriors won? Was it rigged when OKC lost after having a 3-1 lead over GSW?

          Like, what’s real and what isn’t if we’re banging the rigged drum?

          • Nicole

            Let’s not be over analytical and complicate things because it is not that deep. Bottom line, this series shouldn’t of went to 7 games PERIOD!!!!!! ……Like many other series.

            • Quirlygirly

              You might be right but GSW would not have been in the finals if they would have suspended Green for the d*ck punch he gave ole boy..

            • Ess Tee

              Lucky for me, ain’t no period in this.

              People shout “rigged!” then when questioned on the “How?”s, it’s suddenly getting too deep. OK.

              • Nicole

                Lucky for me, this is not an emotional subject for me.

                • Ess Tee

                  I suppose it isn’t. I might’ve thought it was given your response with all caps and exclamation points above.

                  • Nicole

                    Ok Essie.

                    • Lea Thrace

                      She kinda has you there…

                    • Ess Tee

                      I’m dying right now.

                    • Nicole

                      Nah, she really doesn’t.

            • Kas

              I’m always amused when the defense is let’s not get over analytical and complicate things. Were you a man in a former life?

              • Nicole

                Hahaha, ask your mother.

                • Kas
                  • Nicole

                    But I did, now what?

                    • Kas

                      Really, this is how we are going to start off our week? Nah, this is not the e-friendship I’m looking to build. Going forward try to be less sensitive tabou holding indefensible positions and we should get along swimmingly.

                    • Nicole

                      Just because you don’t agree with something I said doesn’t mean I am holding an indefensible position. I responded the way I did because I was disrespected. When we can agree to disagree respectfully then we can “get along swimmingly”.

                    • Kas

                      That wasn’t disrespect. Now this, this here is disrespect. Joking. Sorry, that I jumped in your thread being disrespectful.

            • Lol, but if there’s anytime to be analytical, this would be it.

              We all saw the same thing, with our same two eyes, but someway, somehow, you were able to see something we did not see, you were able to see past the illusion, and yet when asked why, your response is capitalized letters and exclamation points?

              Nah, please, expand; show us the light, we want to see what you saw, but all of us couldn’t.

              http://i.makeagif.com/media/5-20-2015/X_C8ZW.gif

        • yep, all of this. been like this for years.

        • God Shammgod

          FYI – the NBA doesn’t get paid per series length. Broadcast deals are fixed and settled prior to the season start.

          • Nicole

            They are benefiting financially from the extra games. I am willing to put money on it.

            • God Shammgod

              Why doesn’t each series go to 7 then?

        • rlgreen91

          That doesn’t make sense. Why would the NBA allow the amount of money it makes to be dependent on how many games there are? That cash has been signed for and delivered, regardless of whether the series is 4 games or 7.

      • There are way too many people with type A personalities and egos with big money, reps involved for it to be rigged. I don’t understand people.

      • Epsilonicus

        No one would ever rig anything in favor of the city of Cleveland

        • Sylqué

          You make a fine point

        • Ari

          Listen. No one.

        • Cleojonz

          Exactly. NO ONE. Say it louder for the cheap seats. If that’s the case it would always be an east coast team vs. a west coast team in the finals.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Yup.

    • Cleojonz

      How can you not watch the clip above of him flying through the air with the greatest of ease after running the man down, making a clean block and not think he worked for it and earned it. I really don’t understand the LeBron hate at all. If the Cavs owner has forgiven him and brought him back in the fold to his ultimate benefit, all the rest of the world should be over it by now. He IS the greatest player playing right now, never mind the other comparisons.

    • cakes_and_pies

      I don’t even like LeBron and this isht is ridiculous.

  • Curry literally had the worst Final series of a reigning MVP in NBA history and no one is talking about it!

    • Kas

      But we thinking it real loud.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      More so finding visual representation of his current state.

    • Medium Meech

      If curry has an average to below average game last night the warriors win. it wasn’t Kobe against Boston game 7 bad, but if Lebron had that kind of game and got his shot blocked the way curry did, the the think pieces would have been insufferable.

      • God Shammgod

        yes but even accepting that, even if GSW won…isn’t it wild that it’s almost certain that he wouldnt have gotten finals MVP for the second season in a row?

        • Medium Meech

          I don’t know which one would have been worse for Curry, honestly. Lebron could and would have won MVP even if GS wins that game.

    • Lebatard has brought it up a few times this morning and Bomani was talking about it on Friday. Bo, made the point that this is the first time the alleged best player in the world has been the mark on defense where everybody that he guards gets the ball.

      • John Shannon

        Highly Questionable is gonna be interesting, since Papi was wrong about his pick

        • I would like that show if Papi wasn’t on there. Dan has been playing clips of everyone from ESPN who were wrong about the Cavs.

          • John Shannon

            Bomani is always savage and he will be on his radio show later too

    • I heard some about it on Mike and Mike this morning. Yeah, Curry got EXPOSED on d.

  • mr. steal your costco samples

    I’m caping for cats to put respeck on Tristan ($82m…he OVERPAID blah blah), Kevin, and J.R.’s respective names.

  • HouseOfBonnets

    Like I said the memes/levels of pettiness are phenomenal this season. Such artistry.

  • QueLoQue

    That really was a fantastic game, one of the best I’ve seen in my life. To see LeBron do the things he does, and realizing he’s on the tail end of his career, it makes those feats of athleticism he used to do nightly in his earlier years look so much more phenomenal. There was also a moment for me as a viewer where I realized they came back and won from 3-1 when I went “wow, I just witnessed history”, damn good feeling.

    Big contributions from the Big 2.5 too, especially late in the game. Of course LeBron had the big block, then Kyrie hit the clutch 3, but right after that Love played some really good defense on Curry that ran time of the clock and made him give up the ball. Before last night it was a given that Love would be gone by next season; now I’m not so sure. But the Cavs can definitely repeat, they’re already championship caliber and can only get better by adding the right kinds of players to fit their new style of play (and put LeBron at the 4 where he belongs).

    • Phil GoBeGreat

      lol Lebron is not on the tail end of his career by any stretch. He is on the backside of his prime.

      • QueLoQue

        He’s 32 years old, been playing pro ball since he was 18, and has logged a SH*TLOAD of minutes. He’s on the downside of his career. I’m not saying he’s not good, just that he’s closer to the end than the beginning. He definitely has some more seasons in him, but he’s not the freight train coming down the lane like he used to be.

        • Kas

          He is in spurts just not the avalanche he used to be. I’m agreeing with you.

        • Epsilonicus

          Exactly. The dude has mileage on him.

        • Phil GoBeGreat

          Gotcha. tailend= very end.
          He’s definitely on the backside, but hes got a few years before the tail end.
          And for the minutes/mileage he has, hes taken great care of his body and injuries have been minimal.
          (he’s 31, not 32 yet)

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          this is why they need Love, so Bron only has to be a freight train like 25 halves out of the year

        • He has a ton of mileage but never any major injuries so that will help him out at lot.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          the Kobe effect is coming. He’s just lucky he plays in the East; he can delay its impact on his game.

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