Seriously, Though. F*ck Robin Thicke » VSB

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Seriously, Though. F*ck Robin Thicke

Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus (Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

 

Look. I would be lying to you if I told you that the sight of a White man publicly debasing himself at the heels of a Black woman doesn’t put a little rooter in my tooter (I don’t even know what that means), but this shit has got to stop.

If you haven’t heard, Robin Thicke is terrible.

Not just because of his rapey and soul-siphoning White Coon Tunes, but on a molecular level. All the way down to his Dax pomade-coated White privilege.

A man that can show his face in public in the daytime after his infamous shit show extravaganza ho-down at the 2013 MTV VMAs alongside Lil’ Scoundrel (Miley Cyrus) is a dangerous man of Robert Kelly-esque character. But that’s not why we’re gathered here today.

Continuing his Wrong and Strong World Tour, Mr. Robin Thicke has decided to name his forthcoming assemblage of decently produced, Black-cosigned incohesion Paula after his estranged wife, the light skinnedly famous Paula Patton.

It’s a shame-free occasion, y’all.

Let me catch you up. Well. Hm. I was about to say that he fucked up after he ditched the Rap Hands Jesus vibe from his first—and immeasurably superior—album, A Beautiful World. I was going to say that it has all been a Black-gazing free-fall from there. But this piece isn’t about that and that’s not my business.

Now, where was I?

Ah, yes. After growing sick, sick, sick of Robin’s shit, Paula has decided to call it quits, saying kind and vague things about him to Vanity Fair of their breakup. Nobody knows exactly what happened, but swirling rumors of Robin’s indiscretions on top of Robin being unable to keep his hands to himself at parties on top of this latest mea culpa give us a few hints.

That he released a song called “Baby Please: Heartbreak Ho Tales” “Get Her Back” just days after the split should tell you something.

In an attempt to put a band-aid on an axe wound, Sir Convenient WhiteBlackness has dedicated his next project to the mending of his shattered relationship with his high school sweetheart, out in the open, in front of company. It’s like an integrated Tyler Perry stage play based on a Maury episode, scored by Pharrell and other indiscriminate lenders of soul.

Robin Thicke is having A David Ruffin Moment. He is crying, begging and pleading to get his woman back through song and on stage dramatics. And while this immolation of one’s dignity makes for hilarious Vines and Tumblr gif sets, Paula is now unable to move past this split in peace.

Unless someone grants Robin the gift of dude-maybe-this-isn’t-such-a-good-idea and convinces him to rename his album, his wife will heretofore be the story around this new release. Expect 10 songs of shoulda, coulda, woulda marinated in faux soul, infused with a retro sorry-I-got-caught kind of vibe. Overall, if his discography is any indicator, it won’t be good, but it will be smooth. Like a Naked Juice. Every interview through the life of this project will feature a well-intentioned interviewer prodding for the latest status update on his Fix-a-Marriage attempt.

“That’s great, Robin. So…your single title begs the question: Did you…’get her back’ yet?!”

You can bet your favorite Beetlejuice-inspired douchebag uniform that she will now hear, “So Paula…have you heard…Paula yet?” on every red carpet from L.A. to Dru Hill. This stylish White man, armed with a charming poor showmanship and a Black soundtrack, has thrust his ex-lady back into the spotlight, almost demanding some public response from her.

Fans, romantics, and People Magazine would love nothing more than to watch a fairy tale reconciliation unfold. Robin has now placed the onus on Paula to appease the waiting public. If she breaks the heart of this repenting wrongdoer, after he wrote a whole damn album about her, she becomes the villain.

Just look at how panties and sympathy rained down after he dedicated a mopey performance of “Lost Without You” to Paula days after the split. “I’m going to need you guys to help me get through this,” he asked a fawning, awwwwwwwing audience.

You know what is worse than divorcing your son’s father, who happens to be your first love? Him making an album about your divorce as it plays out publicly. Her request for privacy was ignored, not by a prying journalist, but by her husband, Sir Convenient WhiteBlackness.

You know what is better than singing about being a better man? Being a better man. Robin is behaving like the absentee father who tries to patch things up with a few $50 bills and a hug. Instead of falsettoing about how he should have kissed her more and abstained from Bad Husbandship, he should work his woes out in private, with castration honesty and action (or without action, in Robin’s case), not on wax.

Alex Hardy

Alexander Hardy is the dance captain for Saint Damita Jo Jackson's Royal Army. He is a writer who escaped Hampton, Virginia and is now based in Panama City, Panama. There, he runs The Colored Boy, and consumes copious amounts of chicken. He has written for EBONY.com, CNN, Gawker, and Huffington Post among other outlets. Alexander can likely be found daydreaming about his next meal or Blacking It Up on someone's dance floor. He also doesn't believe in snow or Delaware. Read more from Alex at www.thecoloredboy.com

  • De_Ann

    I mostly agree with your article but it seems a little mean-spirited and very angry. Are you sure you aren’t Paula Patton writing in disguise? lol

    • Jesus lol

    • WhirlyGyrl70

      Oh my…LOL!

    • SimplePseudonym

      …or the dude who went to Homecoming with her right before she started dating Robin Thicke and went with him to the prom?

      • afronica

        Barking up wrong tree, methinks. Have you visited Hardy’s website? IJS.

        • SimplePseudonym

          It’s a (I thought, very obvious) joke! Have a sense of humor! :) I haven’t visited his site. If it’s anything like this, won’t ever be visiting.

          • afronica

            Sorry! I misunderstood your tone. Hard for humor to translate sometimes in print.

    • *cues “Hostile” by Erick Sermon*

  • Writing like how Tyson was throwing haymakers in his prime.

    “You know what is better than singing about being a better man? Being a better man.”

    Most important line here and thing for men to learn and internalize. It’s more important to learn how to the better man than try to convince other people that you some day will be a better man. Some of the time that means privately and quietly taking the L after you fucked up in your relationship and realizing that you passed the point of no return.

    • Christina

      SAY THAT.

    • Do men actually admit to f*cking up in relationships? Is that a thing?

      • Yes. I did continuously.

        • I’ve only had men admit to their portion of wrongdoing 3 years after the relationship had soured. I was always quick to point out my missteps as soon as I felt like things were becoming rocky. I know I was a far cry from a decent girlfriend in previous years.

          • Indeed, I imagine you were consistently delving into foolishness and conspicuous misdeeds.

            • No. I was just very selfish about certain aspects of relationships. That, and I wanted to emulate the relationships of other couples I saw. I wasn’t really happy with myself at that point in life. It was what it was.

              • I am always amazed at how people want their relationship to be like someone else’s. When it comes to dating, all we really see is the dynamic they put out into the world, for good or ill. We don’t see the foundation they’ve built behind closed doors. Chasing someone else’s dynamic is a dangerous game.

                • IcePrincess

                  True! I feel so stupid because I used to look up to TI & tiny’s relationship. I know I’m gonna catch side-eye for this, but I’m serious. (See what I did there?) This past January, my man had a guys-only bday celebration at a club, excluding me. I remember arguing about it. I was like, “why can’t you be more like TI? Every time you see him in da club, tiny is with him! Blah blah blah.” Chile, a few months later, it all falls down. There goes my dream marriage smh lol

                  • (0_o)

                    For a second I wanted to smack you for even asking someone why they aren’t more like a felon who you think is a great husband/father because VH1 said so.

                    • IcePrincess

                      Girl, I ain’t no square. Give a fuck bout a felony! *grabs nuts*

                  • This is why we cant be.

                    • IcePrincess

                      LMAO

                  • Lea Thrace

                    Maam! LOL!

                  • CamCamtheGreat

                    If a woman I was dating ever asked me “Why can’t you be more like T.I.?”, that would be an instant deal breaker.

                    • afronica

                      *amen*

                • True. It took me a while to mature and to recognize that people allow you to see what they want you to see. Sh*t ain’t as sweet as I think it is.

                  • The worse thing is that I’ve seen some f*cked up dynamics that are actually functional once you see the whole scoop.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        In hind sight if someone very wise gets to whisper in your ears. But…who in Robin Thicke’s circle is that wise? His own dad is like “yo I got my own tv show again, boy bye”.

        Besides…being a celebrity comes with a whole new level of fawkery to the likes that none of us can understand, so when they screw up, its huge, and the resolution is nowhere close to being simple.

        • I don’t know what you’re saying. Was this an answer to “do men admit to making mistakes in relationships?” or was this supposed to be a separate comment not meant for my question?

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            I was answering your question, but I’m also saying that since he’s a celebrity, he doesn’t play the same rules as a normal guy.

            A normal guy is supposed to have friends that help you keep your head in the game. A normal guy may have a hard time admitting his feelings, but might have some reason to do better. I think male celebrities have a much messier outcome.

      • Heck, do PEOPLE actually admit to f*cking up in relationships? I don’t know too many folk, male or female, who will take the L in love unless they are either incredibly brave or have no choice.

        • Shay-d-Lady

          I think mature people recognize the role they play and take responsibility for it. even if there was 1 major occurrence, there were little things from both sides that contributed. refusal to admit that is red flag..

      • LMNOP

        My daughters father left me when I was pregnant, in a pretty ugly way too. In the lead up to it, there were threats of violence, he told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to him, he never wanted to see me again and I should just tell the kid he was dead.

        Like an idiot, I tracked him down when she was a toddler. He has been saying he’s going to be a better man and a better father for years. And for an embarrassingly long time, I would at least partially believe him. In the eight years she’s been alive, he’s seen her once, and sent a total of maybe $600 (I got an exemption from forced child support since he literally threatened to kill me over child support).

        He’s still talking about how this time, really, he is going to be a better man and a better father.

        So yes, this is really a thing that happens.

        • So your daughter’s father really loved you deeply I see. ;-) And how did you get an exemption from forced child support? I might see into that, though for different reasons than you.

          • LMNOP

            Yeah, yeah, yeah, partner selection was clearly not my strength at the time. But I’ve worked on that, which as I’m sure you know or will eventually realize is kind of a big deal.

            And the state would have made me go after child support, but if was scared he’d react violently, so I was able to get a dv exemption, which exists specifically for situations like this. Trust me, i would have loved some money, and it was not a decision I made lightly.

            • AmBam

              I am still a little confused. So he does not have to pay you child support?

          • LMNOP

            Oh and different states have different rules about child support, but they only require you to go after child support if you’re getting public assistance. Most states will make an exemption for the child or custodial parent’s safety, if the child was conceived through r@pe, or if the other parents parental rights have been terminated.

            • OK, that makes sense. I know in NY, I was required to ask for child support as a part of the separation/divorce agreement. I thought it was silly because I had my doubts my ex would be functional enough to consistently pay (and she’s sadly proved me right), but I can’t shake the support thing unless I’m willing to terminate her parental rights. It’s something I lack the money and the desire to do. Plus I do want her to be in my daughter’s life however she can manage.

              • LMNOP

                Oh, yeah I didn’t even realize that happened in divorces, I need to expand my social circle lol.

                It’s a really big deal to terminate parental rights. Even in abuse/ neglect situations parents are generally retain some parental rights and can work towards regaining custody of their kids. Again this varies somewhat by state, but most won’t let a noncustodial parent voluntarily terminate their own rights unless someone else is stepping in to adopt the child.

              • AmBam

                Maybe a match is being made with you and another VSBer?

        • :-(

          It’s stories like this which make me want to do extensive background checks and thorough mental screenings on mf’s. I’ve never have anyone threaten my life before :-/ This makes me livid.

      • panamajackson

        Yes. Men do. I’m not saying all. But yes, men do. I’m not saying it comes immediately, but I’ve definitely copped to messing things up when I was at fault.

      • Rachmo

        It’s happened to me but it was like three years later.

      • Epsilonicus

        Will Lebron say in Cleveland? Will Drake find love outside of the strip club? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z

        http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lifelmfKml1qgfevpo1_500.gif

    • WhirlyGyrl70

      Ricky…that’s truth right there!!

  • @bakaripace

    Didn’t realize VBS had “Captain Save-A-” on staff.

    • Messy Martha

    • Easy tiger.

    • nillalatte

      LOL… stop it.

    • #shotsfired

    • *looks around*

      *yells loudly*

      POST WARZ!!!!!!!

    • They shooting…

    • Damon Young

      Didn’t realize we changed our name to VBS

      • LMNOP

        Vacation bible school lol

      • @bakaripace

        Years of Vacation Bible School prepared me for this typo.

        • panamajackson

          I’ll accept this is as a reason. lol

    • how f*ckin corny are you.

  • I’d still buss it open for Robin. As problematic as he is, I bet he’d be exactly what I’d want in my life.

    • You’re Black, so you’d definitely be what HE wants in his life. That’s for sure.

      • WhirlyGyrl70

        …him being the prize he is and all.

        • Right. He’s got grabby hands, buuuuut the ladies love that falsetto or something.

          • WhirlyGyrl70

            Oh it’s the something…I’m sure!
            Let him lose that voice and make no more albums and he’ll get as much play KFed…tell me I’m lying!

            • You’re absolutely right. Hell, the girl whose booty he palmed at a party (you could see his hand grabbing a piece through a reflection in the mirror) is STILL offering her “services” to him, months after the fact.

      • Excuse you. #ImMixed

        *pulls out photo of great great great great great great grandmother to prove that I’m 1/1248203th Cheeroke and tugs on one strand of hair that has a slightly looser curl pattern than the rest of my hair*

        • You’re right. My apologies. Basic n*gga assumption on my part. *pulls rope, releasing 1001 rose petals*

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    I’d run with you if your disappointment or disdain for Robin Thicke didn’t ruin the overall message. I’d like to think his plight is something all men should pay attention to: “Your woman only has but so much patience, and you only have but so much time”.

    Is he a goof? Sure but I’m trying to figure out on the average how many male celebrities with a super hot wife don’t get out of pocket.

  • nillalatte

    Yeah, I’d have to say, there’s a lot of animosity exuding from your writing. Maybe Robin is going about it all wrong, but who ain’t seen a whooped man act a damn fool when his lady calls it quits?

    On another interracial union, Eve and Max tied the knot. Hopefully Max doesn’t sing?

    • She looked amazing! She won’t ever have to work another day in her natural life. I’m trying to be like Jay Electronica and scoop a Rothschild. It goes against all my morals but I’m trying to have my parents living lush one day.

      • nillalatte

        It’s wonderful to have goals. LOL Eve did look amazing. Folks on an Essence post were going buck wild on the girl for marrying a white man. smdh… when are folks gonna learn you can’t regulate the color of love?

        • They’ll learn on the 12th of NEVER. Hey, I’m glad for her. She came ALL the way the f*ck up, and I’m here for it. If she’s happy, I’m happy. Besides, I like the idea of White guy/Sister couples. Whenever I feel my motivation flagging to do better, all I have to think of is some bad sister with a White guy and suddenly, push-ups are banged out and work get done. It’s amazing what a little competition can do. :)

  • black

    RT is going about this all wrong. Leave her alone, stop communicating and move on. This will reignite her desire.

    • PaddyfotePrincess

      I think it depends on how fed up Paula is. When a woman reaches her breaking point it’s a wrap.

      • black

        He should move on. She will then try to rekindle their love, women do not like begging and pleading. He will regain the upper hand.

      • *R.Kelly voice* When a woman’s fed upppppppppppp

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          *Harmonizes with RubyWooWho* There ain’t nothing you can do about it.

      • nillalatte

        Say that again…. “When a woman reaches her breaking point, it’s a wrap.”
        True dat!

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          Finito. Done. Curtains.

    • BeautifullyHuman

      You think going incommunicado might reignite her interest?

      If in fact she does decide to take him back…sh-t, I say make him WORK for it. At the very least, let him strongly believe in the reality that he might not ever get you back.

      • black

        RT is the prize, not her d list arse. RT needs to treat her as such and move on.

        RT can then watch her come scrambling back, thinking she has lost him forever playing mad and fed up. At that point, RT can decide if he would like to move forward with her.

        Stop begging, get her into his frame.

        • nillalatte

          News flash yo… RT AIN’T NO PRIZE. Shyt, a chick like Paula can pull a hundred white boys JUST.LIKE.HIM. Phaleeze.

          • BeautifullyHuman

            And Black, too! I’m sure she’d pull all kinds of dudes. She’s definitely a baddie when she ain’t looking “mollied” up.

            • nillalatte

              You know it! All kind of VSB came out the wood work to claim her when the news broke that they were splitting. She knows she got that on lock.

          • Word. Let’s not act like just because Blurred Lines was one of the biggest singles in 2014 that Robin Thicke is an A List musician. I mean considering that Paula Patton is about to be in Warcraft and the next Mission Impossible movie, it’s not like she’s out here starving in terms of publicity, work, or money.

        • BeautifullyHuman

          You sure Robin is the prize, though? I know there’s PLENTY of men, and I’m more than sure well to do, who would take Paula in a minute.

          Paula may not be A list, but she for dang sure ain’t D list in the looks department. Besides, Robin just actually became “hot” so to speak with “Blurred Lines” being mainstream.

          • Epsilonicus

            Paula can get the D from any A-lister in Hollywood. All she would have to do is offer.

    • nillalatte

      Have you lost your mind? *walks away whistling

  • On topic. Junot Diaz’s This Is How You Lose Her is the most violently frustrating and revealing and mirror-to-self collection of short stories I’ve ever read. Ties in with this post on several levels. SUCIO life though. I was about that. I was terrible.

    • I’ve been Junior before. I know a few Juniors, too. That redemptive work has to be private, because what you will likely uncover about yourself (if you’re honest) ain’t pretty.

    • LMNOP

      You know what’s weird? I’m not a super huge fan of his writing, Oscar wao was alright, but not as great as the hype would have had me believe.

      But when he speaks though? He is amazing. Funny, deep, thought provoking, humble, says complex and important things in a way that is easily understandable with just enough casual cussing. I could listen to him talk for days.

      • He writes like how I hate to write so blah. I see a lot of myself in him. Not necessarily the parts of myself that I find the most flattering.

        • esa

          i love literature that makes me squirm ~*~ it kills to write that kinda ishh so it’s no wonder reading it burns ..

          • it’s the best. it’s why warsan is my favorite poet.

            • esa

              squrirmy poetry ~*~ i have so many favorites. i think i’d like to interview them. such a rare breed ~*~

        • LMNOP

          I’ve heard him talk about how much time he puts into his writing, and I kind of wish he wouldn’t work so hard because what just comes out of his mind before he spends years analyzing each word and hiding meanings is pretty amazing.

          That’s really interesting to me that you can relate to his writing so much. I haven’t actually read this is how you lose her yet though, so I can’t say too much on that.

          • esa

            ~ I kind of wish he wouldn’t work so hard because what just comes out of his mind before he spends years analyzing each word and hiding meanings is pretty amazing.

            yea but talk is cheap, whereas writing had the power to become part of the permanent record. also writers love pain, each in their own way. Bonz Malone said, “Writing is like performing brain surgery on yourself.” #goodtimes

            • LMNOP

              Have you heard him though? When he is being interviewed, he’ll speak really well on topics that he’s clearly given a lot of thought too, like the continuing impact of trauma on peoples lives, all kinds of structural oppression, really thought-provoking stuff. But unlike so many of his characters, he is humble, funny, and likeable.

              • esa

                exactly. public speaking serves him as a way to connect to his audience about his books. which are his raison d’etre ~*~ and that fascinates. because it is so dark. the things he understands are mystical ~*~

        • MsSula

          I have had This is How to Lose Her in my iBooks for a few months but because of your feedback on Junot Diaz, I haven’t read it yet… I just might do it…

      • You know what? I hear this often, and it is because Junot speaks to a specific audience with his writing and invites the rest in for dinner-but isn’t necessarily “inclusive” with his language. The largest reactions to his work is either your comment or Malik’s. He either is literally transcribing your soul or it’s “meh”. “Oscar Wao” might as well have changed all the names to [my govment].

        For example, there were several thinkpieces on how women disagreed with the almost casually offhand way he discusses the violation of women in OW and to some extent, “Lose Her”. “WE” (his core) completely understood, however. Junot grew up in a house full of women…and as unfortunate as it may sound, a lot of our households we were taught growing up that a certain level of violation is what comes with the package of being born female. THEY casually discuss it, so it trickles into his writing. The only thing about his books that make me cringe is I’d prefer he tidied up before he let everybody in for dinner. Some stuff comes off… hard to swallow.

        • afronica

          Really enjoyed your comment.

          “Junot grew up in a house full of women…and as unfortunate as it may sound, a lot of our households we were taught growing up that a certain level of violation is what comes with the package of being born female.”

          I see this in writing all over the place. It stings when I read it, but I keep asking myself whether I want that author’s truth or a sanitized version that leaves me in my comfortable space. As long as that casual violation isn’t being pimped, I try to be still and take that reality in. It ain’t easy.

          • Yeah, I think the disconnect is for a lot of people..it just isn’t their reality. Junot writes from a VERY specific place and does not apologize for it. He’s much more inclusive in his speaking engagements because he has time to elaborate the place his writing stems from. It’s a difficult dance of guilt that first-generationers hold on their shoulders, as we try to preserve our past while moving away from the less savory parts of it.

    • Epsilonicus

      What is sucio?

      • That’s Spanish for dirty.

  • Didn’t Usher do this kinda thing for Chilli already? Didn’t work out for him, Robin. Just sayin.

    • The long con isn’t to get THEM back its to make the next one think they ain’t full of sh t.

      • Kema

        Aha! So it could be for rebound punany. Gotcha

        • Tiger knew Elin was long gone when he went to “rehab”

    • panamajackson

      It got him to make some of the best music of his career in Confessions tho. Then the bottom fell out.

  • nillalatte

    Confession… it was hard for me to digest too, but I did make it to the end. Not that Champ and PJ work hard to have everyone in the comments singing Kumbaya, but their writing and/or view is not as… ummm….. abrasive.

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