Lists, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

Separate, But Equal For The Greater Good!

Emo is also know as Marvin's Room.

Separate, but equal.

Such powerful words. They created the basis for Jim Crow and laundromats. And zoos. Definitely zoos. Well over time I’ve come to learn that with all of the progress we’ve made with integration (whether or not integration was a good thing is rightfully debatable), that while being able to drink from the same drinking fountain f*cking rocks, there are some instances where perhaps, separate, but equal just might be better. In some ways, thats the premise that the Black Panthers were working with. Allow our communities to police ourselves because we couldn’t trust the power structure as it was to justly address the issues of our community.

Then came crack.

Moving on. The point is, all segregation isn’t a bad thing. I hear you looking at me with odd trepidation. I would be too. But trust me, I’ve recently discovered some areas where perhaps segregation might be beneficial to all parties involved. Eli Porter face. I did that.

And thiiiiiiiiis is where this post takes the turn towards, huh? what? Just keep swimming.

While I have you completely baffled about what direction I’m going, here is a list of things where segregation might be best for us all.

1. Hip-hop dance class

To most white people, all Black people have rhythm, can sing and dance, and are great at basketball. And I, for one, am completely okay with that stereotype. We’re the purveyors of cool. I think white and Black people have come to a comfortable understanding and acceptance that we’ve got this entertainment thing on lock. So imagine just how disappointing (and upsetting) it would be if the Black chick in the hip-hop dance class sucked at dancing. Hell, I’d be disappointed and I KNOW all Black people can’t dance. Plus, Black people wouldn’t be subject to being taught “Black culture” by white teachers who call themselves things like DJ Scriggety Scratch who start all classes by saying “peace” forcing us to want to jackslap and mollywop somebody to make penance for the blatant disrespect of our culture. Or something. Point is, segregated hip-hop dance class is a win for everybody. Khaled.

2. Any establishment that serves soul food

As we’ve said plenty of times on this here site, down South, Black and white people pretty much eat the same sh*t. Hell, back in slavery days, we were the ones cooking for massa and ‘nem so it makes sense that on Thanksgiving day in the South, everybody’s eating the same thing (with the exception of the large Hispanic population who are likely NOT eating hogmaws). Do you know how difficult it is for some Black people to eat chicken AND/OR watermelon in front of white people? I know people who refuse to do so as to not be stereotypical. Well, if we mandated segregated soul food eating then we, the Black people, could be free to eat our stereotypical food in peace while they, the white people, could be free to eat the most bland deviled eggs of all time without worrying about anybody trying to put paprika on them. Everybody wins.

3. The movies

Hear me out. This kind of probably happens already anyway depending on the movie. But if there’s one place where stereotypes get reinforced, its the movie theater. Word.Life. Ninjas do hoodrat things with their friends at the movies. And I assume white people do too. We just tend to be a little more auditory. I remember going to see Bamboozled when it came out in Atlanta and much to my surprise there was a very mixed crowd. Well, we talked through the whole damn movie. Amenning it up. Yelling and booing at the screen. I’m fairly positive that the nice white people didn’t hear half the movie because I know that I didn’t hear half the movie. Picture a Tyler Perry movie experience on opening weekend. Well if we separate, but equate that joint then white people can watch in silence and Black folks can ham it up in loudence…THEN wait for the DVD to come out and purchase that joint ENSURING that Black movies continue to get made since the main reason why so many Black movies can’t get the green-light is because the majority of money made on Black movies comes from DVD sales. If we ain’t buying, they ain’t making. Word to big bird. Again, everybody wins. White folks pay upfront and we take it in the rear. Sounds like life, eh?

4. Men’s bathrooms for Drake fans and for non-Drake fans

In one, there are urinals and stalls. In the other, there are only stalls. I’ll let you assign them accordingly.

Those are just a few examples of places that logically might make sense to segregate, if ya know what I mean, for the greater good. Good people of VSB, got anything else???

Talk to me.


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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Amos Banks

    Bamboozled and Bedazzled were at the movies at the same time and I KNOW a few folks got them mixed up and went in the wrong theater. Just sayin’…

  •!/mackaroto Jay

    LOL. Did dude just strikethrough a whole paragraph?? Thats gotta be some kind of record.

  • I Am Your People

    5. Haircare aisles. Of course.

  • TheAnti-Cool

    I agree about that hip-hop dance class cause I would be that black girl Elaineing it up and shaming each and every one of my people.

    Oh, and it’s my birthday. I demand that Yoles make me a fancy comment for everyone to co-sign. That is all. :)

  • Iceprincess

    At church. Oh my bad, they already doing that for the most part. Lmao

  • That Ugly Kid

    Eh, Drake jokes are getting kinda old. I find it interesting that a lot of men are so uncomfortable with their own sexuality that they care so much about Drake’s apparent “softness”. He makes better music than anyone not named Eminem, Jay-Z, and Kanye West. But, people can’t just enjoy the music nowadays, they always trying to find another thing to scrutinize the kid (like him squatting in GQ magazine).

    And why is being emo considered a bad thing? Last time I checked, music was supposed to be emotional. It helps the listener get into the song by drawing out their own emotions. The listener is supposed to feel the pain, the sadness, the anger, etc. Don’t know, maybe’s just me using logic.

  • naturalista88

    The scene you described in 3 is why I HATE going to the movies. The worst experience I’ve had by far is when “Stomp the Yard” came out & I was working @ an AMC; me & my friends were walking into the theater when this guy walked up to the door & proclaimed very loudly to his friend “And that’s why I had to suck his d*ck that night.” That right there set the mood for random outbursts, cuss outs and other kinds of f*ckery only experienced when in a theater damn near full of flamboyant gays. Pretty much stopped going to movies after that sh*t happened.

  • CurlyTop

    I wish homes came with women/men bathrooms or at least a urinal in one of them. Seperate but equal bathrooms in homes would decrease husband/boyfriend death by 86.4%

  • African Mami

    What I don’t think should be separated is bathrooms. I always peek into the men’s bathroom. ALWAYS!

  • I Am Your People

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