Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists

rsvp deez: five faux pas of house party hooking-up

saturday night, the champ was among approximately 30 or so very smart brothas and sistas (plus a token white guy, invited just in case hbo ppv required that someone with good credit co-signed the purchase of the pacquiao fight) gathered for march’s “game night”, a monthly rotating house party/excuse for pittsburgh-area professional black people to drink juice-box coronas and eat homemade meatballs while playing spades and taboo.

as you can imagine, game night is also a prime hook-up opportunity for many in attendance, as well as a great chance for those already coupled up to observe the multiple social etiquette faux pas committed by those actively looking for their next ex.

here’s a few of my favorite.

1. mr. or ms. “i haven’t figured out yet that i’m wasting my time trying to hook-up with someone who’s clearly not that interested in me”

whether its because of the alcohol or the (relatively) polite setting, there always remains a couple people so unaware of social cues that they continue with their full-court man-to-man press even though the other team is already back at the fucking hotel.

***btw, vsb’s and vss’s, if you ever think you’re in this situation, be mindful of one thing: laughter. basically, if you’re having one of those “i’m exchanging meaningless words with this person just to gauge their interest” convos and they haven’t even cracked a nervous smile or chuckled once, chances are that they probably think a wii directions manual is more interesting then you***

2. ms. “i probably should have either worn a belt or lotioned her butt crack if i planned on sitting like this all night”

a faux pas only rivaled by ms.i have giant boobs and i’m giving all the guys too familiar hugs on the list of “relatively harmless things that will get a woman a seriously strong collective side-eye in a roomful of sistas”

3. mr. “i’m rocking enough unforgivable to suffocate a fuckin moose ox”

usually, this is also the same guy rocking an outfit specifically chosen to accentuate his gold bracelets, as well as the too competitive guy sweating through his shirt while playing charades

4. the “we just now realized that we’ve been talking to/sleeping with the same guy” twins

one of my favorites, along with their close cousin,

5. mr. “i should have looked at the invite list and realized that both of the chicks i’ve been sleeping with were coming so i could have stayed my ass at home

anyway, people of vsb.com, i’m sure i’m missing a few. can you think of any other faux pas of house party hooking-up?

the floor is yours and sh*t

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

    Mr. Weedman or Mr. Coke Dealer shows up, not realizing this is a drug-free party.

    Ms. Jailbait, trying pass for18, attends.

    The probation officer for both is there, and he’s your friend. You beg him in a desperate whisper in the kitchen, not to do a bust in your house ’cause you don’t even know those ninjas, while Mr & Ms. Vegetarian complain that y’all forgot the veggies and the landlord below is thumping a broomstick on his ceiling about the music being too loud.

    • Ivyette

      @Kit (Keep It Trill),
      “…while Mr & Ms. Vegetarian complain that y’all forgot the veggies”

      Ohhhh…the food snobs. They look at you all funny and say ish like “you eat that? I don’t because.blah blah it causes diseases blah blah it’s bad for the environment blah blah children are starving everywhere blah blah blah….

      • Satya

        @Ivyette, lol. I threw my friend a baby shower in June and only 1 person was a vege n she just ate whatever didn’t have meat. but her fat a*s niece complained about how i didn’t take everyone into consideration. wtf if your vege n you know the event is thrown by carnivores bring your own dam veggies! don’t be a pain in my rump! if there aren’t at least 4 vegetarians coming I am not going out of my way to make a dish especially for you. you better load up on spinach dip

        • PartyArdie1

          I know that is right. I’m a Raw Food Vege n so that means I always bring baggies and my own bottle (water, green drinks etc..).
          Live and let live but don’t forget your buffalo wings when you come on my side of town. LOL

        • PartyArdie1

          I know that is right. I’m a Raw Food Vege n so that means I always bring baggies and my own bottle (water, green drinks etc..).
          Live and let live but don’t forget your buffalo wings when you come on my side of town. LOL

      • Satya

        @Ivyette, lol. I threw my friend a baby shower in June and only 1 person was a vege n she just ate whatever didn’t have meat. but her fat a*s niece complained about how i didn’t take everyone into consideration. wtf if your vege n you know the event is thrown by carnivores bring your own dam veggies! don’t be a pain in my rump! if there aren’t at least 4 vegetarians coming I am not going out of my way to make a dish especially for you. you better load up on spinach dip

      • OrangeStar616

        @Ivyette, I’m a food snob, don’t judge me LOL and weed is legal in alot of states now for medicinal purposes of course ;-)

        • TreeTop

          @OrangeStar616,

          speaking as a food snob myself, i always eat before going to parties….

        • TreeTop

          @OrangeStar616,

          speaking as a food snob myself, i always eat before going to parties….

        • miss t-lee

          @ TreeTop,

          Yep!!!! :)

        • miss t-lee

          @ TreeTop,

          Yep!!!! :)

      • OrangeStar616

        @Ivyette, I’m a food snob, don’t judge me LOL and weed is legal in alot of states now for medicinal purposes of course ;-)

    • Ivyette

      @Kit (Keep It Trill),
      “…while Mr & Ms. Vegetarian complain that y’all forgot the veggies”

      Ohhhh…the food snobs. They look at you all funny and say ish like “you eat that? I don’t because.blah blah it causes diseases blah blah it’s bad for the environment blah blah children are starving everywhere blah blah blah….

    • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

      @Kit (Keep It Trill),
      Ms. Jailbait, trying pass for 18, attends.

      I remember how hard it was for me when I was underage, and my play mate used to drag my obviously 16 year old ass to social events. Everyone there always knew that my mama was sitting on the couch waiting for me to come home.

    • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

      @Kit (Keep It Trill),
      Ms. Jailbait, trying pass for 18, attends.

      I remember how hard it was for me when I was underage, and my play mate used to drag my obviously 16 year old ass to social events. Everyone there always knew that my mama was sitting on the couch waiting for me to come home.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Kit (Keep It Trill),

      Mr & Ms. Vegetarian complain that y’all forgot the veggie

      one of my friends is a serious vegan and sh*t, and its amazing how many times per conversation she has to let someone know that all types of meat (and seafood) are gross, even if we’re not talking about food. we could be having a convo about kill bill and she’ll still find a way to fit a “damn, how the hell do you eat shrimp? that shit looks so gross” in there

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Kit (Keep It Trill),

      Mr & Ms. Vegetarian complain that y’all forgot the veggie

      one of my friends is a serious vegan and sh*t, and its amazing how many times per conversation she has to let someone know that all types of meat (and seafood) are gross, even if we’re not talking about food. we could be having a convo about kill bill and she’ll still find a way to fit a “damn, how the hell do you eat shrimp? that shit looks so gross” in there

  • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

    Mr. Weedman or Mr. Coke Dealer shows up, not realizing this is a drug-free party.

    Ms. Jailbait, trying pass for18, attends.

    The probation officer for both is there, and he’s your friend. You beg him in a desperate whisper in the kitchen, not to do a bust in your house ’cause you don’t even know those ninjas, while Mr & Ms. Vegetarian complain that y’all forgot the veggies and the landlord below is thumping a broomstick on his ceiling about the music being too loud.

  • Ivyette

    Faux Pas…

    1. Ms/Mr I have to start every sentence with “we as black people” and then pontificate on how to solve every problem American blacks face (sheesh….can we just play spades and enjoy the wings?)

    2. Mr/Ms I am too good for these gatherings, but I decided to bless ya’ll with my presence

    You know the dude/girl who brags about all the things they could have been doing (but that event was magically canceled so they end up sitting right next to you). Their conversation usually starts with “I was supposed to be going to ____ club for _____ release party”…..(then go there ninja and quit talking to me)

    3. Mr/Ms Overdressed to Kill
    It’s just a smedium sized gathering of people;must you wear 11 inch stilettos that require you to take steps smaller than an oompa loompa? Dude, must you continue to wear that fedora or “stingy brim”?(lol…always wanted a reason to use that term) Caveat: this person is known to talk about “haters” and how “they” are watching

    • Ivyette

      @Ivyette,

      Side note/post corruption for Champ’s entry

      Did anyone catch how SNL used the term “ninja” in that sketch advertising a trailer park-like outdoor concert/monster fest?

      • It Figures!

        @Ivyette,

        Yes. I wondered if they meant ninja like it is used here.

      • It Figures!

        @Ivyette,

        Yes. I wondered if they meant ninja like it is used here.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Ivyette,

        Did anyone catch how SNL used the term “ninja” in that sketch advertising a trailer park-like outdoor concert/monster fest?

        yeah, they run that commercial/skit pretty frequently. its one of the few legitmately funny things are snl nowadays (and no, i dont think they meant to use ninjas in the substitute for niggas since, but in the lithe cats wearing all black sense)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Ivyette,

        Did anyone catch how SNL used the term “ninja” in that sketch advertising a trailer park-like outdoor concert/monster fest?

        yeah, they run that commercial/skit pretty frequently. its one of the few legitmately funny things are snl nowadays (and no, i dont think they meant to use ninjas in the substitute for niggas since, but in the lithe cats wearing all black sense)

      • Humble_One

        @Ivyette,

        Yeah I saw it. It was funny but at the same time I was trying to figure out the context in which they were using it.

      • Humble_One

        @Ivyette,

        Yeah I saw it. It was funny but at the same time I was trying to figure out the context in which they were using it.

    • Ivyette

      @Ivyette,

      Side note/post corruption for Champ’s entry

      Did anyone catch how SNL used the term “ninja” in that sketch advertising a trailer park-like outdoor concert/monster fest?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ivyette,

      your one, two, and three often happen to be the exact same person

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ivyette,

      your one, two, and three often happen to be the exact same person

    • Humble_One

      @Ivyette,

      Why does #2 and #3 like to show up at cookouts in someones backyard? Why do they feel it’s necessary to tell us that they had something better to do?

      • Ivyette

        @Humble_One,
        “Why do they feel it’s necessary to tell us that they had something better to do?”

        They think people really care when we surely don’t. It’s also meant to slight whoever is around. As in, you guys aren’t really good enough for me. Insecurity is a mutha!

      • Ivyette

        @Humble_One,
        “Why do they feel it’s necessary to tell us that they had something better to do?”

        They think people really care when we surely don’t. It’s also meant to slight whoever is around. As in, you guys aren’t really good enough for me. Insecurity is a mutha!

    • Humble_One

      @Ivyette,

      Why does #2 and #3 like to show up at cookouts in someones backyard? Why do they feel it’s necessary to tell us that they had something better to do?

  • Ivyette

    Faux Pas…

    1. Ms/Mr I have to start every sentence with “we as black people” and then pontificate on how to solve every problem American blacks face (sheesh….can we just play spades and enjoy the wings?)

    2. Mr/Ms I am too good for these gatherings, but I decided to bless ya’ll with my presence

    You know the dude/girl who brags about all the things they could have been doing (but that event was magically canceled so they end up sitting right next to you). Their conversation usually starts with “I was supposed to be going to ____ club for _____ release party”…..(then go there ninja and quit talking to me)

    3. Mr/Ms Overdressed to Kill
    It’s just a smedium sized gathering of people;must you wear 11 inch stilettos that require you to take steps smaller than an oompa loompa? Dude, must you continue to wear that fedora or “stingy brim”?(lol…always wanted a reason to use that term) Caveat: this person is known to talk about “haters” and how “they” are watching

  • sharde

    mr. “i act single 24/7 but im bringing my girlfriend tonight”
    don’t get mad at me when i make a joke about how you tried to holla at my roommate last week! if you acted like you had a girlf, i wouldn’t have “slipped up” and made her hate you the rest of the night.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @sharde,

      even worse is the mr./ms. “my significant other is here, but i’m still going to act like i’m single”

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @sharde,

      even worse is the mr./ms. “my significant other is here, but i’m still going to act like i’m single”

    • Ivyette

      @sharde,

      Notice how this same person becomes strangely quiet and places an imaginary fence around him and his lady. Like he’s scared that if they get too friendly, he’ll get busted.

    • Ivyette

      @sharde,

      Notice how this same person becomes strangely quiet and places an imaginary fence around him and his lady. Like he’s scared that if they get too friendly, he’ll get busted.

  • sharde

    mr. “i act single 24/7 but im bringing my girlfriend tonight”
    don’t get mad at me when i make a joke about how you tried to holla at my roommate last week! if you acted like you had a girlf, i wouldn’t have “slipped up” and made her hate you the rest of the night.

  • root

    ‘3. mr. “i’m rocking enough unforgivable to suffocate a fuckin moose ox” ‘

    Hilarious post!

    Mr. “Imma try to get at you even tho I just failed at getting your girl’s number”
    No dice!

    & Mr/Ms “Waaayyy too eager to get faded”
    Never a good look.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @root,

      Mr. “Imma try to get at you even tho I just failed at getting your girl’s number”
      No dice!

      see, i was just talking to my girl about that this weekend. even though it seems like an optimum hook-up setting, its tough for guys to navigate it sometimes because if everybody pretty much knows everybody else, if you make the mistake being interested in three women, but trying to holler at the wrong one first, you’re basically f*cked (or…not)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @root,

      Mr. “Imma try to get at you even tho I just failed at getting your girl’s number”
      No dice!

      see, i was just talking to my girl about that this weekend. even though it seems like an optimum hook-up setting, its tough for guys to navigate it sometimes because if everybody pretty much knows everybody else, if you make the mistake being interested in three women, but trying to holler at the wrong one first, you’re basically f*cked (or…not)

    • Gem of the Ocean

      @root,

      Mr/Ms “Waaayyy too eager to get faded”

      at least 50% of our pgh game nights are made up of that guy/gal lol

      #kanyeshrug

    • Gem of the Ocean

      @root,

      Mr/Ms “Waaayyy too eager to get faded”

      at least 50% of our pgh game nights are made up of that guy/gal lol

      #kanyeshrug

  • root

    ‘3. mr. “i’m rocking enough unforgivable to suffocate a fuckin moose ox” ‘

    Hilarious post!

    Mr. “Imma try to get at you even tho I just failed at getting your girl’s number”
    No dice!

    & Mr/Ms “Waaayyy too eager to get faded”
    Never a good look.

  • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

    Here’s a few:

    Mr./Ms. Life Isn’t All About Fun And Games – Like really? It’s a social gathering with having fun as the main theme. Save the overly-seriousness, conspiracy theories, and wet blankets.

    Mr./Ms. Know It All – C’mon Son…no one wants to hear your opinion on EVERYTHING! You’re not really that deep.

    Mr./Ms. I’m Too Good To Be Here – If it isn’t your type of crowd or venue, get the fugg out.

    Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Arguement We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all – Keep your private issues private. No need to ruin the mood with the bickering and tension.

    • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

      @Monk, “Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Argument We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all”

      *dying*

      Been to a few of those, the funniest (in a sad way, of course) was an outdoor cookout that led to a rolling in the grass brawl between a couple that got too drunk to swing accurately at one another.

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),

        Dang. Why do I picture some people standing around talkin’ ’bout, “Let them fight…nobody break it up,” just to get a kick out of it?

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Monk,

          “Dang. Why do I picture some people standing around talkin’ ’bout, “Let them fight…nobody break it up,” just to get a kick out of it?”

          Same reason I pictured the same thing, I guess. Only I envisioned “people” to be “Babs from Making the Band”.

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Monk,

          “Dang. Why do I picture some people standing around talkin’ ’bout, “Let them fight…nobody break it up,” just to get a kick out of it?”

          Same reason I pictured the same thing, I guess. Only I envisioned “people” to be “Babs from Making the Band”.

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),

        Dang. Why do I picture some people standing around talkin’ ’bout, “Let them fight…nobody break it up,” just to get a kick out of it?

      • Lil’T

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),

        I don’t know where you hang out, but I need to visit. With my video camera, lol.

      • Lil’T

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),

        I don’t know where you hang out, but I need to visit. With my video camera, lol.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),
        Dang. Why do I picture some people standing around talkin’ ’bout, “Let them fight…nobody break it up,” just to get a kick out of it?

        I got the same picture because I have seen this myself. Everyone was instigating, and everyone wanted homie to let go, and finally checks his mouthy girl.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

        @Kit (Keep It Trill),
        Dang. Why do I picture some people standing around talkin’ ’bout, “Let them fight…nobody break it up,” just to get a kick out of it?

        I got the same picture because I have seen this myself. Everyone was instigating, and everyone wanted homie to let go, and finally checks his mouthy girl.

    • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

      @Monk, “Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Argument We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all”

      *dying*

      Been to a few of those, the funniest (in a sad way, of course) was an outdoor cookout that led to a rolling in the grass brawl between a couple that got too drunk to swing accurately at one another.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Monk,

      Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Arguement We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all – Keep your private issues private. No need to ruin the mood with the bickering and tension.

      in my opinion, this is usually one of the most entertaining parts of the evening. its almost like you’re watching one of thse super awkward moments on “the office” right in front of you

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Monk,

      Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Arguement We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all – Keep your private issues private. No need to ruin the mood with the bickering and tension.

      in my opinion, this is usually one of the most entertaining parts of the evening. its almost like you’re watching one of thse super awkward moments on “the office” right in front of you

    • Gem of the Ocean

      @Monk,

      Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Arguement We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all – Keep your private issues private. No need to ruin the mood with the bickering and tension.

      LOL a house gathering is the perfect place for the drama to unfold — in the crowd are multiple relationship refs. the winner is picked and they get bragging rights, extra dip, and first game pick. win win win.

    • Gem of the Ocean

      @Monk,

      Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Arguement We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all – Keep your private issues private. No need to ruin the mood with the bickering and tension.

      LOL a house gathering is the perfect place for the drama to unfold — in the crowd are multiple relationship refs. the winner is picked and they get bragging rights, extra dip, and first game pick. win win win.

  • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

    Here’s a few:

    Mr./Ms. Life Isn’t All About Fun And Games – Like really? It’s a social gathering with having fun as the main theme. Save the overly-seriousness, conspiracy theories, and wet blankets.

    Mr./Ms. Know It All – C’mon Son…no one wants to hear your opinion on EVERYTHING! You’re not really that deep.

    Mr./Ms. I’m Too Good To Be Here – If it isn’t your type of crowd or venue, get the fugg out.

    Mr. And Ms. We Brought The Arguement We Had Earlier To Share With Y’all – Keep your private issues private. No need to ruin the mood with the bickering and tension.

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