I have a theory.
It is a good and right theory. My theory is biblical.
The theory? Glad you asked.
Panama’s Theorem 1.1: Most women aren’t who they say they are when you begin dating them.
Sidenote: I’m well aware that many men wish death up on me misrepresent themselves. However, there is one major difference. Men are maliciously and deceivingly misrepresenting themselves in attempts to procure nudity; women ACTUALLY think they are the people they say they are.
Oh go ahead. Say I’m wrong. Say you, say me.
Fellas, think back to when you started dating that lovely young lady who told you she appreciated her space and hated dudes that smothered her. Then think about the fact that she’s at your house everyday and is constantly cooking mashed potatoes. And what happens to mashed potatoes?
They get smothered with gravy! See, I can’t make this up.
Or think about the chick who said that she didn’t mind her man watching sports all day on Sunday because the way she saw it, she needed some time for herself anyway and Sundays are just as good a time to prepare for the week as any other day.
Then realize that your Sundays don’t belong to you because all of a sudden she ALWAYS has something she wants to do or needs you to do which crosses right over into each and every football game.
Hmm…you know this woman. Brotha, you’re dating her right now.
Keep in mind, I don’t think women are actually doing this on purpose or that women are evil liars fixated on making men’s lives hell. Heavens no. I think it’s just a fact that women are very familiar with who they want to be as people and companions in a relationship. And that’s admirable. Or at least it would be if they were actually able to keep up with the ideal mate they are in their heads.
Most men don’t even try to keep up with the façade if they can sample the goods in short order. He might start out as a multi-millionaire oil tycoon at midnight and by 9am he’s a broke, short-order fry cook at McDonald’s again. He just happened to be good at selling the fantasy you needed for the moment to meet his end-goal. What a bastard. But see, he’ll give up the ghost at some point because he’s achieved some goal, warped as it may be.
Men are basically evil when it comes to procuring nudity. Don’t trust us them.
But a woman, oh a woman, will lead you to believe she’s this understanding, accommodating, hi-fiving companion when she’s really just a woman deep down inside all of that…and STILL won’t cop to misrepresenting herself.
You know, it’s a damn shame women aren’t wrong about the right stuff. Like she says she can’t cook a lick but you find out she’s Rachel Ray in the kitchen. That just never happens. Or she tells you she’s not into anything kinky or freaky and you come to find out she owns every porn series known to man and is on a one woman mission to accomplish every move she’s seen with just that one right man.
Hmm, that last one may be a bit iffy. But you get the point.
Basically she’s the most honest, observant, and self-aware creature on planet…except the total opposite.
Oh well, keep her.