I have a theory.
It is a good and right theory. My theory is biblical.
The theory? Glad you asked.
Panama’s Theorem 1.1: Most women aren’t who they say they are when you begin dating them.
Sidenote: I’m well aware that many men wish death up on me misrepresent themselves. However, there is one major difference. Men are maliciously and deceivingly misrepresenting themselves in attempts to procure nudity; women ACTUALLY think they are the people they say they are.
Oh go ahead. Say I’m wrong. Say you, say me.
Fellas, think back to when you started dating that lovely young lady who told you she appreciated her space and hated dudes that smothered her. Then think about the fact that she’s at your house everyday and is constantly cooking mashed potatoes. And what happens to mashed potatoes?
They get smothered with gravy! See, I can’t make this up.
Or think about the chick who said that she didn’t mind her man watching sports all day on Sunday because the way she saw it, she needed some time for herself anyway and Sundays are just as good a time to prepare for the week as any other day.
Then realize that your Sundays don’t belong to you because all of a sudden she ALWAYS has something she wants to do or needs you to do which crosses right over into each and every football game.
Hmm…you know this woman. Brotha, you’re dating her right now.
Keep in mind, I don’t think women are actually doing this on purpose or that women are evil liars fixated on making men’s lives hell. Heavens no. I think it’s just a fact that women are very familiar with who they want to be as people and companions in a relationship. And that’s admirable. Or at least it would be if they were actually able to keep up with the ideal mate they are in their heads.
Most men don’t even try to keep up with the façade if they can sample the goods in short order. He might start out as a multi-millionaire oil tycoon at midnight and by 9am he’s a broke, short-order fry cook at McDonald’s again. He just happened to be good at selling the fantasy you needed for the moment to meet his end-goal. What a bastard. But see, he’ll give up the ghost at some point because he’s achieved some goal, warped as it may be.
Men are basically evil when it comes to procuring nudity. Don’t trust us them.
But a woman, oh a woman, will lead you to believe she’s this understanding, accommodating, hi-fiving companion when she’s really just a woman deep down inside all of that…and STILL won’t cop to misrepresenting herself.
You know, it’s a damn shame women aren’t wrong about the right stuff. Like she says she can’t cook a lick but you find out she’s Rachel Ray in the kitchen. That just never happens. Or she tells you she’s not into anything kinky or freaky and you come to find out she owns every porn series known to man and is on a one woman mission to accomplish every move she’s seen with just that one right man.
Hmm, that last one may be a bit iffy. But you get the point.
Basically she’s the most honest, observant, and self-aware creature on planet…except the total opposite.
Oh well, keep her.
-PANAMA
!!!!
But I really do think I am that chick who has better things to do than be up under some dude. For real, give me my space.
And thanks for the reminder: I don’t trust nunna ya’ll! *points at all men*
Disclaimer: My honey LOVES me and my time spent with him!!!
I’m the one saying…not tonight, maybe tomorrow we can share a bed again.
What kills me is dudes “assume” women are the “clingy” ones when in all actuality, a lot of you male species are territorial and just as clingy (if not more). Let your woman tell you she can’t see you on two nights in a row because she has plans to have spa days and girls night with her friends….you’d be a little salty that you didn’t take priorty. Ya know? Make sense?
Believe it or not…after the first couple or so months of every day smothering…women do want their space.
I am sure Panama is illustrating his point through the use of the more extreme examples of his argument. However, when looking at the core of the theory…
*clears throat, whispers in small voice*
I have been this chick.
don’t feel too bad…you’re not alone.
EVERY chick is “that” chick.
Quote from the champ: “EVERY chick is “that” chick.”
Not sure WHO you been dealing with, but I can’t imagine you’ve dealt with EVERY woman in the world to say that every woman is that chick. Contrary…there a MANY women who are NOT that chick and don’t care to ever be that chick.
Generalizations are the worse. lol.
question: what does “that” chick mean to you?
Ya know, generalizations are the worst, however, I’m sticking with this one.
It’s held itself to be true on every conceivable occasion. And it’s not always in some negative manner either. However, facts are facts.
Sadatay.
Query:
How do generalizations come to be?
Just asking….
Men lie, women lie…numbers don’t.
*I just always wanted to say that*
I do aree with the theory because when we lie, we KNOW that we’re lieing. However, I have had numerous experiences with women who have really misrepresented themselves and stuck by their false, made-up selves until I actually call them on it. I hate it when some women claim to be “Drama-Free” when in actuality they are drama queens.
Yes Damnit! I admit it. We women are flawed. And yes sometimes when we see that you and I may have the potential to for greatness we may try our best to be on our best behavior. That isnt necessarily a misrepresenting of ourselves, we just know that once some guys see the slightest sign of imperfection they will head for the hills. Am I guilty of it? Probably so. Early on in a relationship I may cook for a dude on the regular basis, but once work & life in general picks up you will still be eating but baby it maybe Popeyes or Subway. I have things to do.
Am I the chick who smother’s her man? Hell NO! I suffer from OCS, Only Child Syndrome. I dont do well wtih sharing my space. So that is one thing a dude never has to worry about where I am concerned.
at the risk of sounding like an insolent 5 year old. You started it! LOL Sometimes women think they are game tight until they get caught up and THAT girl emerges, the one that we loathe..nagging, insecure, and illogical girl. Sometimes, we don’t think we have it in us until we become vulnerable to you PWP (people with penises), and you get all under our skin. It becomes quite the state of quandary. I think sometimes, that is why women say “I don’t like who I am with him”. It often shocks us just as much as you guys. So, I argue that sometimes, this behavior is the reaction to emotional nudity. Some of us hate it!
really Diva? “y’all started it?”
that’s the best you got?! LOL.
yeah, the diva’s slacking a bit. i’m slightly disappointed.
LOL, I hate you both *sticking tongue out*
I totally agree with this statement…
It just takes the wrong PWP (I love this term!), the wrong conditions, and the wrong time to have an otherwise confident and mature woman “flip the script” and unknowingly become the woman she originally thought she would never become.
See my problem with this is that it falls straight back to, women are just fine until a man comes into the picture and screws her up…
And um we ALL know that ain’t always the case. Add up the daddy issues and mommy issues and all the non-sense she picks up at home, etc. and then perhaps. But let’s not bullshit ourselves into really thinking women are fine until men ruin them.
Granted, I know that’s not what you’re saying in full Datalore, but it’s the next step.
LOL @ you predicting Datalore’s next step. reminds me of what Jill Scott said on her last album:
You have managed to turn me
From a woman of substance
Into a brick flying, calling too damn much
Crying and crying, spying way down down low
With flats on
From the opposite side of the bar
Easy-Off loaded on top of your car chick
I never intended to be this chick
Groping at smoke for her mind
Or the readily dissolving remnants of it
after being chased I’ve been dismissed
As just an object, something to play with
You have managed to turn me
From a woman of substance to this
now, of COURSE we have to take personal responsibility, not shirking that at ALL, at the same time, I felt the need to interject that sometimes it’s reactive to what happens in the dynamics of a really intense (probably unhealthy) relationship. We have all been there, and hopefully learned our lessons. Not to point blame, just shedding light on what goes on in our heads/hearts..we ain’t a fan of that shit either, trust.
Lady Jill is deep…
… and also CRAZY!
Throwing bricks? – too dangerous
Easy Off ? – that’s just wrong
I personally have never engaged in any stalker type activity that could get me arrested.
Maybe I just never met anybody I cared about that much?
ok , when I said we have all been there, I did’t mean literally THERE with the lyrics of throwing bricks/easy-offing property..but I have done my share of irrational shit, and I learned my lesson.Yup
I was being facetious. I would HOPE that none of the SASIWs up in here have taken Easy Off to some Brothas car…
There are far more devious ways to be vengeful that won’t involve the authorities… I’m not going to post ‘em cause revenge is NOT a good look people.
Everybody love everybody!
ooh wise diva, THAT’S IT EX-DAMN-ACTLY. i have nothing to add other than “i cosign WD.”
(and since i know i tend to morph into a needy a** broad in relationships, i am trying my best to avoid them.)
Is avoiding relationships really going to solve that problem?
Why not work on what makes you “needy”?
I agree, there is nothing worse about a person with issues than the idea that they can solve those issues by completely avoiding the situations that expose those issues. If you had a B.O. problem and people kept telling you that you stink, would you avoid those people or would you simply wash your ass?
don’t folks advise recovering drug addicts to avoid people and situations that might make ‘em fire up the ol’ crack pipe?
seems like a similar concept to me.
Yeah but they’re also supposed to be working on the reason for their addictions…
Going cold turkey isn’t really effective if the minute your in that situation again, you revert back to your old ways…
and if i never get in that situation again, i won’t revert.
perhaps it doesn’t “solve” the problem. but it does keep it from recurring, which is fine by me.
The beautiful part of it all is that we need each other… It’s just that men as well as women have very strange ways of expressing that need. The first step is admitting that the need does in fact exist.
“The beautiful part of it all is that we need each other”
lol…depending on your world view, any adjective from “best” to “crazy” to “worst” could be used in this sentence before “part”.
personally, i would have used “heavy”
“women ACTUALLY think they are the people they say they are”
Maybe this is because many women at some stage of their lives (sadly, some never grow out of it) feel the need to be the woman they think the man they’re with wants… i.e. NOT HER!
And, although two wrongs (his millionaire status, her easy-going nature) don’t make a right and the whole decietful game is really just for fools, it serves men right, to be honest.
I mean, how many men claim to want a strong, independent woman… but really don’t? How else would you accont for the number of actual smart, attractive, strong, independent women out there who are single!? Huh?!
Admit it, men love the needy, clingy chicks that make them feel like they’re the centre of her universe.
What else would you have to blog about if there weren’t needy women in the world? Maybe strong, independent b!tch3s who won’t give a ‘millionaire’ a chance…
“I mean, how many men claim to want a strong, independent woman… but really don’t? How else would you accont for the number of actual smart, attractive, strong, independent women out there who are single!? Huh?!”
Here, here! *raises glass*
I’ll toast to that.
To play devil’s advocate, a lot of independent women don’t know how to be strong and independent without being dominant in the relationship.
And men like to be men. I’m not saying women have to bow down but we can bow out and let him play his role.
I call bullshit on this one. A lot of men truly say they want one thing, but then when they find it, don’t know what to do with it, or actualy do not want it.
i call bullshit on your bullshit.
The same could be said of the fairer sex.
But surely ‘role-playing’ is the problem!
Just ‘BE’ and let everyone else be! The sooner we all wake up to this, the better we might all get along.
Well, to throw some proverbial fuel on the fire, this statement:
“I mean, how many men claim to want a strong, independent woman… but really don’t? How else would you accont for the number of actual smart, attractive, strong, independent women out there who are single!? Huh?!”
Might this NOT give credence to the original point? If these women ACTUALLY showed up to be who they thought they were and claimed to be, i.e. smart, strong, independent women, then maybe they’d have men now. Perhaps, the man thought he was getting a partner in crime when all he really got was a daughter.
And no, a lot of us don’t really want clingy needy chicks. What I think happens is that chick-goes-clingy, then she tries to flip the script at some point which causes confusion and then somebody has to die.
OJ!!!! OJ!!!!!
Uh… yeah, no. nobody wants a “saran wrap” chick but some men and I stress some men do like the ego stroking they get from feeling needed.
There are plenty of men out there that want a chick that they have to rescue and/or take care of. I’m not saying this is a healthy relationship, but we do need to acknowledge its existence.
Oh, per-leez!
Most men seem to have some special radar that detects women pretending to be smart, strong and independent. When an actual smart, strong, independent woman actually crosses their path, they usually cross the street to escape and/or observe from a distance…
Or just want to be friends. That way, he gets to at least have some kind of relationship with an actual SSIW and can also seek her female perspective on the faux SSIWs he keeps dating.
Ask any SSIW you know personally or on this blog if she doesn’t know all about her best male friends faux SSIWs.
And so why isn’t he dating her…? Maybe becuase he prefers his women a little more insecure and maybe becuase, once he’s shown her just how much of a sucker he is for the wannabe SSIWs he feels too vulernable to be anything more than just friends.
And you KNOW that’s true! Kind of ties in with The Champ’s platonic friends post.
Re: why isn’t he dating her?
I absofrickinlutely agree. And for this I blame women. I’ve run into more women who don’t want to ruin their friendship than I have men. In fact, I’d be if we did a straw poll of men vs. women in this regard, way more men would be willing to try dating one of their friends.
OK so we at least agree on one thing. I’ve recently come to realise that I guys I’ve previously only held as friends are the most sensible source for date/relationship fodder and should be the first port of call.
Of course, being a SASIW they’ve confided in, they’re now scared sh!tless of me!
Um, not sure how this came to be up here. I was replying to your comment about fucking our friends…
Not sure how that happened. No matter how good of friends you are with a girl, you never give up anything that would scare you if the tables were ever to be turned. Your guy friends are slipping!
The word intimidation comes to mind.
SSIW tend to let everyone know that they’re SSIWs and it can be a little “put off”ish…
And it goes along to what The Champ said about being “frapproachable” – still LMAO at that…
Only insecure people get so easily intimidated by a woman who just happens to be SSI.
Society is always quick to lable SASIWs as b!tches and so, consequently, most people are quick to jump to this conclusion, rather than take every SASIW on a case by case basis.
Wendilicious,
Some SASIWs are bitches. And those are usually the vocal ones. So you can’t really blame society for that one.
And face facts it’s just a whole lot easier to generalize people that it is to deal with them as individuals – that’s just the truth.
But my point is this a lot of SASIWs list their “resume” when they first a man.
if you are truly a SASIW, it will show in your character.
*when they first meet a man
exsqueeze me
“How else would you accont for the number of actual smart, attractive, strong, independent women out there who are single!? Huh?!”
i have at least 25,000 words worth of answers to this one, but, for the sake of time, i will say this:
out of those four adjectives you named, for men, the highest premium is based on one of them. (hint, it starts with “a” and rhymes with “matractive”)
depending on your attitude and/or disposition, those other adjectives named can either enhance or take away from that “a” word, which, along with another “a” word (rhymes with “frapproachable”), are really the only adjectives that count.
is this making any sense?
LMAO
OK, I’m officially replacing SSIW with SASIW to incorporate the word that rhymes with “mattractive.”
Wow, that I could even leave it out, especially when I’m the one who listed the adjectives originally, just goes to show how men and women are on different wave lengths sometimes.
And I could also add “frapproachable” to my original list. Most men are scared sh!tless of “frapproachable” women because they think it’s too good to be true and so leave it alone.
And yeah, you almost make sense, though I’ll hold out for the 25,000 word I’m sure will appear on this blog in the near future.
“And so why isn’t he dating her…?”
“Wow, that I could even leave it out, especially when I’m the one who listed the adjectives originally, just goes to show how men and women are on different wave lengths sometimes.”
you just answered your own question
Men aren’t scared shitless of un-frapproachable chicks.
We’re scared shitless of women who look like they bite trees for fun.
Read again, hun. I said “frapproachable” not “un-frappoachable” women.
So I guess you’re agreeing with me that men ARE afraid/wary of “frapproachable” women because they think it’s too good to be true.
Actually, I’ll agree with you that I can’t read. But you know what I meant.
We’re not scared of frapproachable chicks.
Maybe she just didn’t know she’d like you so much. Maybe you’re just so awesome that the urge to be with you every waking moment is just overwhelming. Maybe you’re dicking her down that good…
Honestly, I can’t say I haven’t done it either. But I think like everything else about relationships, it’s something you have to grow through.
(You like how I said “grow through” in place of “go through, don’t you. I know. *sings Cleva*)
We all try to hide the “crazy” at one point or another. I think women are perceived to do it more because men don’t think anything they do is remotely unusual.
But you will eventually get to a point where you won’t even bother pretending.
*Note: Another thing women do is hide the fact that some of the things men do drives them batshit crazy. Which is a very big no-no. You can recognize these things because they are usually the first things mentioned in a heated argument.
After reviewing the supporting proof, I can not 100% agree with Panama’s Theorem 1.1. “Most women aren’t who they say they are when you begin dating them.”
I’m gonna jump out there and say that Theorem 1.1 is too extreme. (I’m now ducking under my desk to avoid imminent male attackers.) If the women you date weren’t who they said they were, I’m guessing you would stop dating them. Hey, I’ve dated a man that presented himself as a Justice Department manager…truth…he managed to deliver packages to the Justice Department mailroom, on a scooter. He was not who he presented…he had to go.
I will say that it is possible that there could be a few things that are not how they were originally presented to you through batted eyelashes…but these women are largely the same people. If they aren’t, you shouldn’t be with them.
Ok, I will admit, the majority of the time, I was the woman who wanted her space…97% of the time I was the woman who said wow, do I really need to see you two nights in a row? Don’t you have some friends to hang out with?
This was all until I met someone that actually didn’t get on my nerves. Lol I continue to be amazed that I can spend so much time with one man. Did I originally tell him I was a woman who likes my space…sure. I still do and I feel I still get my space. Plus, he wants to be around me as much as I am around, or so he says. Hmm, maybe he is misrepresenting himself. I will have to have that conversation later.
Person before love – Smart, successful, fun woman who loves a lot of her own space
Person after love – Smart, successful, fun woman who still enjoys her space but also enjoys spending a lot of time with her love.
See, same person…just a little change. ?
Ok PWP (I love that term too), I’m armed and ready…you can attack now…
I think we need to address how important this is because it leads into another conversation about why men AND women stay in relationships with people they wouldn’t be friends with.
You know the solution to this is very clear. We should fuck our friends.
“You know the solution to this is very clear. We should fuck our friends.”
Now that is indeed true. It’s the smartest and safest bet you can make. I actually think this was on the planned list of topics…cuz it’s SO relevant.
“It worked for me!”
-I sound like an infomercial.
But it’s true… Granted I took forever to come around but I’m glad I did.
I co-sign that. I think we need a T-shirt.
would the T-Shirt read, “I fucked my friend. Try it! It worked for me it could work for you.”
(Front)
Fuck Your Friends
(Back)
It worked for me!
We’ll have to work on a screen of some sort. A t-shirt just isn’t a t-shirt without graphics
LMAO! I love it, the double entendre and all
it took me a couple seconds longer than usual to catch the double entendre. maybe i need to stop drinking wine at lunch
(front) Once you go friend,
(back) You’ll never stray again